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Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest Scientology video in the history of Scientology videos

RockOfAgesWe’ve been leaked a video which could not be a more perfect distillation of Scientology as it exists in 2014.

This thing, well, it’s — it’s beautiful.

Before we show it to you, we want to help you put it in context. The few remaining Scientologists in Atlanta, like other cities in the U.S., are under intense pressure to donate huge amounts of money in order to pay for a new building they don’t need. These new facilities are called “Ideal Orgs,” and just yesterday former Scientology spokesman Mike Rinder posted a great backgrounder on this maniacal decade-long push by church leader David Miscavige.

Rinder explains that Miscavige has numerous reasons to strong-arm his dwindling membership to come up with millions of dollars to purchase and renovate Ideal Orgs around the world, primarily so he can tell the press that Scientology is expanding (when the opposite is true).

We’ve showed you numerous videos and mailers which show Scientologists trying to generate enthusiasm about fleecings they get at themed fundraising parties, and it’s quite obvious that it’s getting harder and harder to get people to show up. Even L. Ron Hubbard-loving automatons are pretty fed up with being told they need to dress up for parties where they’re going to be goaded into putting a big number up on a tally sheet and get love-bombed out of their kids’ college fund.

As these efforts have gotten more and more desperate, they’ve become more blatant. Meanwhile, Scientologists — who consider themselves “homo novi,” a new, superior brand of human being and better than the rest of us — seem to have little self-awareness about how cheesy these productions are. If these be superhumans, why such cheeseball celebrations?

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So, brace yourself. This effort out of Atlanta combines so many elements we’ve seen elsewhere, but the lack of self-awareness, the strained levity, the out of tune soundtrack, and yes, even the tenuous link to Tom Cruise through his association with the Rock of Ages film make this, we would argue, the greatest Scientology video of all time.

 

 
Now, while your jaw is still hanging on the ground, we’ll show you the lyrics, so you can see just how beyond the pale this thing is.

We’re building this city
We’re building this city an Ideal Org

We’re building this city
We’re building this city an Ideal Org

They may never know me or ever see my face
But because I care we build this ideal space

The future will know me because I fought this fight
Heroes and the names of those who made it go right

We all have the honor because we did it on our own

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Your kids will remember, you built this city
You built this city an Ideal Org

You’re building this city
You’re building this city an Ideal Org

Built this city
We built this city an Ideal Org

 
Note the theme of “you” being someone who is maybe invisible, someone who has never been appreciated properly. But the future will know you because you wrote a check for $36,282.

 

We are gonna make it
You know we’re gonna make it
We are gonna make an Ideal org

We’ve got the tech, let’s use it
You know we have to do this

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This is our world, this is our org

We’ll fight the powers that stop us
We know our destiny ’cause
with an Ideal Org we can’t go wrong

We are gonna make it
You know we’re gonna make it
We are gonna make it, an Ideal Org

We are gonna make it
You know we’re gonna make it
We are gonna make an Ideal Org

 
What’s with the gnome in the wizard’s hat?

 

I know an Ideal Org’s a projection machine

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I know where the chapel displays and a new canteen
The org will be so strong, expand for years now on
And I can tell it wouldn’t be long till it comes to be, yeah be
And I can tell it wouldn’t be long till [ ] was free, yeah free

Singing, I want an Ideal Org,
So put another dime in the war chest, baby
I want an Ideal Org,
So come and take a pen and write a check

 
We’ve never seen them be quite this blatant before. It’s rather stunning. Also, it wouldn’t be an Ideal Org fleecing party without a Scientology conga line of uncomfortable-looking middle age victims wondering if they really spent all that money on the Bridge for things to come to this.

Now, this next section, all joking aside, this is truly one of the most remarkable things we’ve ever seen come out of Scientology. This song literally acknowledges that members may be broke and owe money, but the roar of the crowd can get them worked up to donate money that they can’t afford to spend. (And will have to “work off.”) A church critic could literally not write a more damning indictment of Scientology fundraising, and it’s in their own video.

Can someone get this thing to the IRS?

 

Playing in this game

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Need more money to flow
Need a personal loan
But there’s none he didn’t owe
Heard the roar of the crowd
He could picture the scene
Put his name to the board
With an amount and then screamed
No matter who you are
You can lead the way
He got purpose in his eyes
And he decided to pay
So he stood up fast and
He ran to the board
Worked hard to pay it off
But then was asked for more
That one big cert
It felt good in his hands
It didn’t take too long
For his understand
Just one more time
He reached way down low
Knew he had to do it
Because there’s more to go
So he started stretching
He ain’t never going to stop
Gotta keep on playing
Gotta make Atlanta to the top

And be an Ideal Hero
Making it go right
He’s an Ideal Hero
Bringing Atlanta to life
He’s an Ideal Hero
He’s making it go right
He’s an Ideal Hero
He’ll come alive tonight

 
Do you see what we mean? That section is a handy blueprint for how undue influence separates these victims from money they can’t afford to donate.

Did David Miscavige really approve this thing?

 

Back on track, it’s a fact
Betcha want to know where funding is at
Yes it’s so close, ahead of most
Completion is near and about
Look at our stats, they’re getting so high
Grand Opening yeah, we’re all gonna cry
There’ll be high fives, white eyes (?)
Saving every man, woman and child
‘Cause we’re back
Yes we’re back
Yes we’re back
Yes I’m back
Well, were back, back
We’re back on track
yes we’re back on track

 
Did you catch the diminutive David Miscavige stand-in?

 
AtlantaHighFives

 
And finally, let’s hear that blatant call for cash two more times!

 

I want an Ideal Org,
So put another dime in the war chest, baby
I want an Ideal Org,
So come and take a pen and write a check

I want an Ideal Org,
So put another dime in the war chest, baby
I want an Ideal Org,
So come and take a pen and write a check

 
So some of you newer folk may be wondering, best Scientology video compared to what?

Well, we know it will be difficult to dislodge the previous record holder, which is hands down 1990’s “We Stand Tall”…

 

 
And we’re also partial to the Copenhagen Advanced Org’s video for Chill EB’s official song for the IAS, “Dauntless, Defiant, and Resolute”…

 

 
And we love Dede of Phoenix and her friends…

 

 
And there are many more, quite a few of which debuted here at the Bunker. But Atlanta? Atlanta, you burned them all down to the ground.

So come and take a pen and write a check!

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on August 28, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer
The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

 

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