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Babylon Surmising: Dianetics Rights an Ancient Wrong

AlexanderWelcome to our ongoing project, where we blog a 1950 first edition of Scientology’s bible, Dianetics, with the help of ex-Scientologist, lawyer, and author Vance Woodward. Go here for the first post in the series.

Vance, we’ve now reached the longest chapter so far in this book, “Emotion and the Life Force.” We have to admit to being rather disappointed that L. Ron Hubbard, after finally tantalizing us with some specifics about dianetic therapy in the previous two chapters, chooses at this point to go back into theory with such a long digression.

And especially about something as vague as “life force.” Not only is life force unquantifiable (“Let us assume that the entire being is possessed of 1000 arbitrary units of life force”), but at least three times in this chapter, Hubbard once again admits that he’s really just guessing about how things work: “recall it is just a theory and dianetics can stand without it.”

So what we get are several pages about how some people are more “alive” than others, but there’s no way to measure it with any real precision, and any theory about how such differences work may be completely off since Hubbard has no real evidence of any kind.

And yet, this stuff is worthy of the longest chapter so far in this meandering book.

At least Hubbard has graced us with another of his eye-opening examples to reward us for our perseverance.

You just knew that Hubbard would eventually get around to Alexander the Great, who conquered much of the known world by the time he was 33 years old, but then died in Babylon in 323 BC.

Hubbard provides a very entertaining dianetic reading of this renowned ancient…

He was educated to believe he was a god, his manic engram said he was a god and had a holder in it. Alexander conquered the world and died at 33. He could hold in his manic only so long as it could be obeyed: when it could not longer be obeyed, it changed his valence, became no more a manic and drove him, with pain, into dispersed activities. The engram, received from his mother, Olympia, can almost be read even at this later date. It must have said he would be a joyous god who would conquer all the world and must keep on conquering, that he must always strive to rise higher and higher. It was probably a ritual chant of some sort from his mother, who was a high priestess of Lesbos and who must have received some injury just before the ritual. She hated her husband, Phillip. A son who would conquer all was the answer. Alexander may well have had fifty or a hundred such “assist” engrams, the violent praying of a woman aberrated enough to murder.

After our previous chapter on mothers bestowing engrams on their babies, we have to wince at this from Hubbard. Is he certain that Olympia chanted while pregnant, or did she just have a difficult time one day on the toilet?

Anyway, Hubbard continues, explaining that Alexander’s engram somehow got less effective once he got far enough away from its source (his mother in Macedonia). Although, in truth, he had returned to Babylon after getting as far east as India.

Thus he could be assumed to have conquered until he could no longer stretch a line of supply for conquering, at which time he, of course, would no longer be able to obey the engram and its force of pain would turn on him. The engrams dictated attack to conquer, and they enforced the command with pain: once conquering could no longer be accomplished, the pain attacked Alexander. He realized one day he was dying: within the week he was dead: and at the height of his power. Such, on a very large scale, is a manic phrase in an engram at work.

But consider, Hubbard says, if dianetics had been around back in Alexander’s day, and he could have been “cleared” of his engrams. What then?

He would most certainly have been able to conquer the world and at eighty might well have been alive to enjoy it.

And how does Hubbard know this? Because Alexander was operating with only 500 of his 1000 life force points. And if he’d been cleared by dianetics, he would have been twice as manically forceful than he actually was in life.

“The theory may be wrong, the observed data is not,” Hubbard says, clearly satisfied with himself — but perhaps mostly with the thought that anyone would take any of this seriously to begin with.

Vance, are we nuts to think that Hubbard thought himself as some sort of Alexander who was being held back by a lunatic mother?

VANCE: Oh, absolutely, you’re not. Hubbard rarely spoke about his parents, and when he did, it was not good. In one lecture, he described the following scene. He’s madly typing away in his room, filing cabinet doors are banging open and slamming shut, paper flying all over the place. This is Hubbard’s kind of ideal chaotic high-energy activity. Enter his mother telling him that he needs to calm down and take a break, that he is working himself to exhaustion. That, in Hubbard’s opinion, was an attempt to kill him, to shut him down, to make him smaller. He warned his followers to watch out for those types.

Hubbard told another story of how his mom beat the family dog with a chain for eating chickens or something like that, but the dog was too stupid to even understand that it was being punished and simply responded with loving dog kisses. Granted, Hubbard was insanely precious with his praise of others. Either way, based on his rare comments about her, Hubbard’s mom was evil.

And get this: Hubbard claimed to be the sole source of the only “technology” that could help the universe in all its trillions-of-years-long existence. Alexander was merely out to conquer the world. Pffft. Hubbard had a much a grander vision. Thank goodness he discovered Dianetics and was able to escape Alexander’s fate.

THE BUNKER: This chapter just goes on and on. Thankfully, Hubbard gives us two more unforgettable examples of how engrams work, and we feel compelled to bring them to our readers. In the first one, Hubbard is explaining why an adult might be suffering from arthritis which was actually caused by something that happened to him while he was in his mother’s womb. It turns out, his adult arthritis is caused by an incident of his pregnant mother stumbling over a pig.

Mama said, when she gracefully fell over a pig, “Oh, I can’t get up! Oh, my poor, poor baby. Oh, my baby! I wonder if I hurt my poor, poor baby. Oh, I hope my baby is still alive! Please God let him live. Please God let me keep my baby. Please!” Only the God to which she prayed was the Reactive Mind, which makes one of its idiot computations on the basis of everything is equal to everything. A holder, a prayer for life, a thoroughly bruised baby’s spine, Mama’s sympathy, a pig grunt, a prayer to God, all these things are equal to the reactive mind and so we have a fine case of arthritis, particularly since our patient sought “survival” by marrying a girl with a voice just like Mama’s sounded when he was in the womb…Arthritis is a baby is a pig grunt is a prayer to God is wife’s sympathy is being poor is Mama’s voice and all these things are desirable. He’s kept himself poor and he’s kept his arthritis and he married a wife who would make a harlot blush and this is pro-survival…

Fortunately, there’s Dianetics to help the man remember the pig incident by taking him back to his life as a fetus. As for the second example, a case of a fellow experiencing bleeding ulcers, his time in his mother’s womb was even more fraught with danger…

In the case of the ulcers, here was baby poked full of holes (Mama is having a terrible time trying to abort him so she can pretend a miscarriage, and she uses assorted household instruments thrust into the cervix to do it) and some of the holes are through and through his baby’s abdomen and stomach: he will live because he is surrounded by protein and has a food supply and because the sac is like one of these puncture-proof inner tubes that seals up every hole. (Nature has been smart about attempted abortion for a long, long time.)…It also so happens that Grandma lives next door and she comes over unexpectedly…She therefore finds much to censure when she sees a bloody orangewood stick in the bathroom. Baby is still “unconscious.” Grandma berates Mama: “Any daughter of mine who would do such a horrible thing should be punished by the vengeance of God…and driven through the streets…Now you go right on through with your pregnancy, Eloisia, and when that baby is born, if you don’t want him, you bring him to me!”…And so, when our bleeding ulcer gets born, there is Grandma and there is security and safety…And Roger will, when Grandma is dead, develop bleeding ulcers to get her back.

To review: A man gets ulcers because his grandmother has died, and she had defended him against his mother who had sent a stick through his abdomen in an abortion attempt that he somehow survived. And this is the memory that he has recovered under a (don’t-call-it-hypnotic) reverie.

Hubbard uses these examples to make the case that some engrams are “pro-survival” because they are produced around the allies in our lives. When we lose those allies, it is particularly painful for us, and it’s an auditor’s job to dig up those feelings and expose them.

Now, we might gently point out that when you ask someone to remember when they first learned about the death of a loved one, it will not only bring back the pain of that experience, but it might also help release that pain and make a person feel better. It’s pretty easy to understand that phenomenon without the need for “engrams” or the “reactive mind” to explain. But what do we know.

Vance, there’s one more thing we want to point out in this marathon chapter, and then we’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Late in the chapter, for the first time in this book, Hubbard describes moments when a patient “may not be…occupying his own body.” He calls this exteriorization, but at this point, his explanation for what’s going on is rather pedestrian. Exteriorization, he says, is caused when “painful emotion is present in such quantity that the patient cannot occupy himself.”

The patient is recalling something so disturbing, in other words, he can’t bear to experience it again, so watches it happen from a remove. But as the patient recalls the incident a few more times, the pain will reduce, and he’ll see it again from within himself.

Uh-oh. Did Hubbard just say that therapy helps end exteriorization, which he has described as merely a trick of the mind?

Vance, we know that Scientology will later make exteriorization the ultimate goal of Hubbard’s tech, and tell believers that it’s the actual detaching of the soul (the thetan), from the corporeal body, and something that therapy produces, not reduces.

Are we looking at early-Hubbard heresy here?

VANCE: Throughout his career, Hubbard oscillated between negating and affirming things. Regarding what he said about exteriorization in Dianetics, he later said that he realized people really were exteriorizing, and leaving their bodies. He went through a similar evolution regarding past lives. Early on, he dismissed them in his lectures. Later, he embraced them. The thing to keep in mind is that Hubbard could contradict himself and modify his opinion all he liked. When Hubbard changed his theory, it was a good thing. It proved that research was being done and that the man could admit when he was wrong. Well, that and it proved he knew how to make money. Either way, this doesn’t mean anybody else could have an opinion. No, no, no. Try contradicting Hubbard’s final word on any issue in a Church of Scientology and you’ll soon find yourself in front of the Scientology thought police. Fact.

Also, Scientology lends itself to some doublebabble. The idea with Scientology — I’m paraphrasing here but not exaggerating — is first to bring people up to the point that they realize they’re messed up and then from there to the point where they’re OK again. So Scientology is like a big loop, but people are supposed to be better off from the trip. This notion is often articulated when discussing Scientology’s famous personality test. From test to test, the graph might show improvement or not. Improvement on the graph of course is evidence that Scientology is working. When the graph (inevitably) collapses, that means the Scientologist has “gone out through the top and come back in through the bottom.” Voilà! More improvement!

So we could rationalize all this exteriorization talk as follows: “Aberrated people imagine that they go exterior as a way of escaping reality. Dianetics brings people up to the point where they can confront reality (i.e. experience engramic incidents from an interiorized viewpoint). And only then can they move up to the point that they can exteriorize for real.” Convinced?

THE BUNKER: Vance, you could sell us anything.

Next week — A Womb With a View: More Dianetics Just-So Stories

 
——————–

Tell Us What You Think Will Happen in Laura D’s Case Today

Yesterday, the California Supreme Court denied Scientology’s petition to put a stay on Laura DeCrescenzo’s forced-abortion lawsuit. It seems like ages ago, but earlier, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Ronald M. Sohigian had set a date of May 6 by which time Scientology had to turn over thousands of pages of evidence in Laura’s “pc files” — confessional material gathered during intense interrogations in her time as a Sea Org worker. But then the church began petitioning California’s appeals and supreme courts, and Judge Sohigian set a new status hearing for May 16 — today! So now, after striking out with its appeals, what will Scientology do when they come into court today? The way the church has been fighting tooth and nail not to turn over the evidence, you have to wonder if they’ll walk into court this morning with a big fat check to settle the case (or at least begin settlement talks). Could the church ask for the time to petition the US Supreme Court? Or heck, maybe the church will actually cooperate and turn over Laura’s pc folders? Stranger things have happened. Anyway, give us your vote on what’s going to happen today, and we’ll be looking forward to finding out what actually happens later this afternoon…

 

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on May 16, 2013 at 07:00

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  • John P.

    First time in a couple of days that I’ve had time to write something thoughtful about today’s post, and you serve up a steaming pile of poo that leaves me absolutely no idea where to begin… But I’ll give it a try. Hubbard says:

    Recall it is just a theory and dianetics can stand without it.

    Obviously Hubbard operates at the pinnacle of scientific integrity by pointing out where he’s surmising and guessing, since the rest of Dianetics is well researched with rock-solid clinical supporting independently verified peer-reviewed theories.

    After another dose of stuff about the dangers of being a fetus, this time when rural farm woman Mrs. Hubbard stumbles over a pig wandering the premises, I am starting to wonder if the plummeting membership of Scientology is a function of the fact that a) no more than about 2% of the US population is engaged in agriculture, and b) that in a post-Roe v. Wade world with legal abortion, the incidence of fetuses maimed by knitting needles and thus restimulated by all those nasty engrams has plummeted significantly.

    It’s bizarre that Hubbard, with uncounted trillions of years of “whole track” experience, was unable to grasp the urbanization trend in the US that was already well under way before he was born, reducing the number of pig-stumbling accidents, and that he had never been Emperor of a planet in the Galactic Confederation that had fertility control to reduce the number of unwanted fetuses to collect engrams. Hubbard was writing after the work of Margaret Sanger in the 1920s, after all.

    • Sherbet

      I can see your mamma didn’t trip over any pigs, John P. You’re hilarious, as usual.

      • Poison Ivy

        ” a) no more than about 2% of the US population is engaged in agriculture so there are fewer people with pigs underfoot to trip over”

        Ah, but that 2%, John! You should hear their engrams! 🙂

        • John P.

          Yes, the few remaining pig farmers in the US now have to worry about explosive foam that floats on the top of pools of pig manure. I bet getting blown clear across the barn when a batch of this stuff lights off is one hell of an engram. Some clever wits are calling this a “craptastrophe,” a term that attaches well enough to Scientology as a whole.

          See: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/03/hog-manure-foam/

          • Ze Moo

            This is why I stopped lighting my farts…..

          • Captain Howdy

            I’ve heard about people falling into pig pens and being eaten, which seems to happen around the world more than you might think, but I’ve never hear of people potentially being killed by pig shit.

            Sounds like some new from of life is forming in the shit pits. Perhaps instead of a zombie apocalypse we’re actually looking at a pigshit monster apocalypse.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Why is that scene from “Deliverance” in my head?

          • Poison Ivy

            Oh BTN2…don’t go there! I’m about to go to lunch!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Me too. I have a sudden urge for pork products!

            • VickiStubing

              Mmmmmm bacon!

            • I should post some of my spam haiku

        • Truthiwant

          Tripping over pigs is no baloney but maybe you don’t give a ham about that sort of thing. The last time I tripped over a pig , I had just porked my car after squealing to a stop. I was trotting down the road, eliminating the spam on my PC, didn’t notice the animal and fell on my chops. I got sick and had a very trough time recovering although in the end I got cured.

          • John P.

            That was the second worst sequence of groaner puns I can recall. Here, for the halibut, is the worst: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI

            • Truthiwant

              Seeing that video just bacons for another groaner!

            • ThetaBara

              Looks like you blew a seal!

    • Michael Barger

      You can take the boy out of the farm, but you can’t take the farm out of the boy.

      • Sherbet

        Especially the manure.

    • Truthiwant

      I do see your point, John and it might be more appropriate nowadays picking up an engram by tripping over your I-Pad.
      However, you must realize that when auditing Whole Track, tripping over pigs was apparently a very common incident, particularly during the Babylonian Civilization of 4000 years ago.

  • Del Ling

    Difficult question, I’m torn between surprise and settle. Settling seems most likely to me however. They don’t want a precedent of turning over folders and it’s worth a ton of money…

    • Observer

      I voted for settle, but I wouldn’t put it past them to try to stall until the next session of the US Supreme Court.

      • VickiStubing

        I can imagine that Wee Davey might actually be excited about going before the Supremes. What an honor! The highest court in the nation! No one could assault Sciloontology after their ruling! He could snatch defeat from the jaws of vic…to…..ry…… wait….

    • ThetaBara

      Yeah, “turn over the folders” is currently at zero percent – now wouldn’t THAT be a Scientology Surprise!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Dianetics was mid-titled.
    He should have just called it: Blame the Bitches.

    And that would have been the whole of the law!

    Asshat!

    • Del Ling

      You mean you can’t blame the bitches for everything?

      It’s really disgusting the fixation he had with home abortion attempts. I believe Nibs once said something about that, but I can’t remember what…

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Oh Nibs said plenty about that! That is a good 6 hour rabbit hole of its own.

        • Poison Ivy

          Yes, didn’t Nibs say Hubbard himself was the one with the “orangewood stick”?
          It’s chilling to read how much he loathed women. Either his mother really did a number on him…or she ignited his narcissistic rage by treating him like an ordinary boy and not the ‘unique genius’ he believed himself to be.
          By the way, can anyone provide a cognet definition of “manic engram with holder”?

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Yes he did.
            And plenty more.

          • FistOfXenu

            “Either his mother really did a number on him…or she ignited his narcissistic rage by treating him like an ordinary boy and not the ‘unique genius’ he believed himself to be”

            I think somehow it was both. And I keep coming back to how his parents acted in front of him plus his imagination creating these weird ideas about sex and fetuses. Like how about if LRH imagined his old man poking him in his fetus-head with his penis when he was poking his mother? The guy didn’t have a clever imagination but it was fertile. And how knows what they said or did when they thought he didn’t know what was going on?

          • ThetaBara

            I suspect the latter.

    • FLUNK_101

      BTN, if only we could send you back in time to deal with Hubbard. You could have driven him Type III!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Oh, there are so many directions to go with this one darlin!

        By the way…My boiler suit is stifling!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        😉

    • Observer

      That makes it even more astounding that so many women not only followed him but slept with him. Did they just not notice how wrong he was about everything to do with women? And he wasn’t even remotely attractive, so they don’t even have that excuse.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
        You just restimed my Mother was crazy engram!!!

        • Observer

          I can’t even imagine.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Try hearing these stories and then looking at that book jacket picture trying to reconcile the audio with the visual.

            • Observer

              No thank you. I don’t want to go Type III today.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              It’s Thursday … as good a day to go Type III as any …

            • Observer

              I’ll let The Downer be the Type III today. I’m sure he or she will swing by as it gets closer to 2:00.

            • ThetaBara

              Hi Downey! Are you upstat yet?
              Is this what you joined Scientology to do?
              It’s not too late. You can get out! People will help you.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              No. I just wanted to give the Observer an early start.

              I’m evil like that.

            • Observer

              Well, you are a bitter, sardonic, gimpy evil galactic overlord, so I’m not really surprised.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              Sticks and stones may break my bones, but H-Bombs , volcanoes and names will never hurt me.

            • Observer

              Don’t you have some space DC-3s to fly? Or were they DC-8s? I can never remember.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              8’s

            • BuryTheNuts2

              But a duracell will keep your ass firmly in place!

            • Sherbet

              Nobody wants to imagine her own mother having sex. But imagining one’s mother having sex with the Insane Manatee…well, “ugh” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Oh I don’t know….it could have been much worse.
              What if the Grouper was my dad?

            • Sherbet

              Then there’s a good chance you wouldn’t be writing here. But, ew, thanks for that visual.

            • califa007

              Was your mother Barbara? Married name S _ _ _ _ r? LAUSD School Psychologist? If so I knew her..

            • ThetaBara

              It’s ok, sweetie. it was probably dark and she was drunk!

        • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

          -Your- mother knew -him-?

          Please tell me that it was not in the Biblical sense of the phrasing …

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Sorry, but yeah.

            LRH and Jack Parsons.
            At the Parsonage in Pasadena.
            I think Wright described her type as (something or other) in diaphanous gowns.

            Basically she was an occult groupie.

            • Observer

              Parsons I could see. Hubbard, NO WAY.

            • FistOfXenu

              BTN, some things you said before sounded like you might’ve meant that but – I’m at a loss for words. Must’ve been tough growing up with your mom, no disrespect meant. I’m glad you came out of it okay.

              Just showed my wife your comment and she said send you a big hug and a slice of cake. She means it. Strawberry ice cream cake in your honor.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Actually FOX, I had a great childhood and great parents.
              Despite being treated as an adult WAY too young… my life was charmed.

              Yeah the LRH part is a big stumbling block of weird I will probably never figure out.
              Who could?

              But the whole is the sum of all the parts and my parents ROCKED!!!

            • FLUNK_101

              You must have had rockin’ parents.
              As far as I’m concerned, your Mom should be canonized.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Awww Flunk. You know I love you!

              Why are you being so nice to me when in reality I deserve a sec-check (and quite possibly a spanking!)

            • I really didn’t know you were so kinky… Very attractive.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Wait, wut?

              Strawberry Ice cream!

              Yeah, My life sucked……………..give me that ice cream!!!!

            • Sherbet

              Yeah, FOXy, Bury’s life sucked……give us all ice cream cake in sympathy.

            • FistOfXenu

              If only. 🙂

            • FistOfXenu

              That’s my girl.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              Xenu weeps for you …

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              BTN … my motto:

              Parents: Can’t live with ’em, can’t be born without ’em.

            • ThetaBara

              I want to read YOUR book! She must have had some amazing stories.
              Sounds like they had some great parties, if nothng else.
              😉

      • SciWatcher

        In the sixteenth
        century poem The Faerie Queene by
        Edmund Spenser, Lechery is portrayed as a guy with shaggy hair, goat-like eyes,
        who appears rough and filthy. He takes pleasure in tempting women’s hearts and
        stealing them away from their partners. He basically seems like a charmer who
        lies to get them into bed and then casts them away. To top it all off, he has
        syphilis. And yet, according to an incredulous Spenser, the ladies often love
        him. Spenser says, somewhat plaintively, “O, who knows the bent of women’s
        fantasy?”

        I guess there are always some women (not myself!) who like that sort of thing.

        • John P.

          Even though I toil by day in the halls of Global Capitalism HQ, I love me some Spenser. However, he, by his own admission, was merely a Chaucer wanna-be and was attempting to do a “mashup” and an homage to The Canterbury Tales. Go back to “The Miller’s Tale” for the story of “hende Nicolas,” another unlikely love god, among many others.

          • SciWatcher

            Gah…merely a Chaucer wanna-be–bite your tongue! Spenser is The Man! He did use Chaucer, to be sure, and looked upon him, as most Tudor readers, as the main source of the English poetic tradition. The syncretic quality of the Faerie Queene, however, owes far more to the Italian Romances (Spenser aspired to surpass Ariosto in popularity and quality).

            I do love me some Chaucer, too, though, haha. And the Miller’s Tale makes me laugh just thinking about it.

        • Observer

          I don’t get it, and I’m *glad* I don’t get it.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Oh, my! I’ve been wondering why I’ve been having dreams aboutbeating up goatswho look strangely like lrh

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Now that is some interesting dreaming you are doing there Sugar!

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      Blaming mom was big in the late 40s and 50s. Bruno Bettleheim, a psychiatrist, was famous for blaming “refrigerator mothers” for all cases of autism. Apparently, he went so far as having a circle drawn on the floor, which he labeled “mother,” so the autistic children could stomp on it and “heal” by getting back at the mothers that damaged them. Despite that theory being thoroughly discredited, apparently Hubbard, and LaRouche, were so enamored with blaming their mothers and women for all the ills of the world they never bothered to change their stand after the discrediting. LaRouche went so far as to claim that men only wore beards because they wanted to wear their mother’s pubic hair. Yes, it grosses me out too.

  • whingeybingey

    “Mama said, when she gracefully fell over a pig, ‘Oh, I can’t get up! Oh, my poor, poor baby. Oh, my baby! I wonder if I hurt my poor, poor baby. Oh, I hope my baby is still alive! Please God let him live. Please God let me keep my baby. Please!'”

    Once again I have to rofl at the dialogue! I can’t imagine a mother saying that even in the 1950s. It totally cracks me up!

    • Sherbet

      How does one fall over a pig “gracefully,” that’s my question.

      • Observer

        I think the Hub was snarking at poor old imaginary clumsy mom, who was probably the only woman in his lurid stories who actually spent some energy wanting a baby rather than trying to abort it.

        • Sherbet

          Yes, the mother’s subsequent “…poor, poor baby” distress suggests lrh thought he was a hoot.

      • Poison Ivy

        I think that is LRH’s clumsy attempt at what we kids now call “snark”.

        • FistOfXenu

          Don’t you mean his graceful attempt?

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Hubbard? Graceful?
            Same sentence? Result = English language is sucked into dark matter forever!

      • I fell over a cat whilst bustling down the stairs a while ago and shattered my left elbow. I do not pretend that my downward trajectory was graceful. In fact, on the Robertson simplified gracefulingness tone scale where 10 is ‘amazing grace’ and 5 is ‘clumsily executed maneuver’ my acrobatics would have been lucky to have been rated by the judges as 0.001.

        Andrew

        http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7288/8743789589_8f244014ca_o.jpg

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Ouch Andrew!
          I would have just mashed the cat!

          I hope you are better now and your elbow has not turned into a barometer!

        • Sherbet

          Hey, everybody — Andrew’s sending me naked pictures! Should I stop him or ask for more?

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Sherbet? You have to ask?

        • VickiStubing

          Aw, Andrew, we could have recuperated together. I took my own tumble down the stairs and had surgery on my wrist.

          I’m willing to share some homemade BBQ sauce if you want to give the cat its comeuppance. Alas, I have only my clumsy self to blame.

        • Observer

          Yikes!

        • John P.

          With that much stainless steel in your elbow, remind me never to get in line behind you for airport security.

        • sugarplumfairy

          aaaagggghhh!! Andrew, sending you get well vibes..

          • Observer

            I would hope he’s healed up now since the date on the x-ray is Christmas Eve 2010. 😉

            • sugarplumfairy

              Thank goodness.. I was very worried for his raising the glass abilities..

            • FistOfXenu

              He’s been working on that. “Raise up! Thank you! Pour booze into my mouth! Thank you! Sit down! Thank you!” And after he’s had enough to drink he starts believing it’s really the pink elephant that moves it for him.

              Well, he’s too sensible to believe he makes the glass move without using his hand. 😛

    • FistOfXenu

      LRH’s attempts at dialog is 1 big reason why I could never read his fiction. I think the voices in his head must all be so loud he never heard real people talk. And they must’ve all been on drugs and forgotten how to talk normal.

  • Observer

    This one has left me all but speechless. The dialog he imputes to those nasty engram-giving pregnant women is weirdly fascinating to me. What kind of oddly-wired brain comes up with that kind of stuff?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. Well, that explains it.. no one was the wiser..

    • Sherbet

      Wouldn’t a real therapist have had a field day with lrh on the couch, spouting about mothers tripping over pigs, being knocked out cold by drunken husbands, trying to abort their children, and all his other misogynistic crapola? If all budding scientoologists (a typo, but it’s staying) really, intensely read dianetics cover to cover as their introduction to the church, I think they’d repocket their credit cards and quickly step away from the emeter.

      • FistOfXenu

        A real therapist would go type III. Or just sit there fantasizing about trying out R2-45 on Hubbard.

        • Sherbet

          Or start him on psych meds. Oh, the irony!

        • Missionary Kid

          Or, perhaps, the therapist would try to help Hubtard commit himself to a locked facility.

    • FistOfXenu

      That 1 deserves multiple up arrows.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      ” I wonder if the dialog in his pulp was that outlandish.”

      The answer to that is YES.
      But the sentence structure was slightly more coherent than his verbal vomit in Dianutty.

    • ThetaBara

      The worst thing about coming here is seeing that ugly mug – and this is actually one of his less repulsive photos. Nice shoop!

  • FLUNK_101

    His hypersensitivity to his mother’s remarks confirm him as mentally ill … and yes, there is no need for “engrams” or the “reactive mind” to explain the psychological benefit of remembering emotionally significant events … Hubbard attached his bullshit pseudoscience to normal and natural act of reflection … but, for what it’s worth, Vance got the “exteriorization” thing wrong. The exteriorization that Hubbard discusses in Dianetic is not an out-of-body experience. It’s seeing yourself in your own memories, being outside of yourself in your own memories, as opposed to re-experiencing the recollection “through your own eyes” as you did at the time. This would be referred to as being “out if valence.” “Valence” is a quantum chemistry term that denotes the energy state of an electron causing it to orbit the nucleus in a higher or lower (closer) orbit … Hubbard co-opted this term to mean you are outside of yourself, assuming someone else’s persona …

    • Del Ling

      The description of when she’s urging him to calm down seems like a very good description of a manic episode, his reaction to it is bordering on psychotic since it’s so far over the top.

      • FLUNK_101

        Exactly.

        • Poison Ivy

          The manic episode sounds like perhaps “bi polar” could be added to LRH’s long list of possible diagnoses by the evil psychs.

          • ThetaBara

            Ive been thinking this for a while now.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              That would explain the marathon writing episodes. (among other things)

    • John P.

      Yes, it is quite amusing how Hubbard stole scientific terms and turned them into cult jargon. I wince every time I hear him talk about “valence.” I suspect that this sort of stage dressing on his theories made them seem exciting to kids in the 1960s who heard about electron valences in high school science classes, and assumed that because Hubbard used some of the same words, he must be a Really. Smart. Guy.

      One of the funniest things about Pauling (at least as far as his life intersects Hubbard) is that Hubbard lumped Pauling in with all the physicists in his imaginary conspiracy theory about how Tricky Dick Nixon (not even elected to Congress for the first time) and a bunch of physicists including Pauling were advocating nuking Washington. Only problem with that scenario as it involves Pauling is that a) as you point out, Pauling is a chemist, not a physicist, b) Pauling turned down a slot on the Manhattan project (partly because he didn’t want to move his family), though he did work on explosives during the war, and c) in 1946, he joined Einstein’s “Emergency Committee of Atomic Scientists” which was the first scientific group opposing nuclear weapons development. That implies his peace activism was probably well established sometime during the war. And so Pauling was the peace visionary that Hubbard must have fantasized that he would be. Walter Mitty strikes again. Incidentally, I am taking the time to comment in detail about Pauling since I read a lot about him years ago because I got to meet him at a Caltech alumni day — he taught freshman chem and Richard Feynman taught freshman physics when a relative went there in the 1950s.

      • Ciru

        Unfortunately Pauling fell into Hubbard-esque quackery himself in his later years, advocating mega-doses of vitamins to prevent disease.

        • John P.

          Yes. A disappointing end to a brilliant career. The good news is that Pauling was focused on Vitamin C, which at least is not harmful in mega-doses. Since Vitamin C was “taken” by Pauling, Hubbard of course went with niacin, which is perhaps the most toxic of the essential human nutrients, blithering ahead with a theory known to be quackery years before he came up with it. So we have to give Pauling a pass on grounds of senility but I don’t think we can say the same for Hubbard because his quackery kills.

          • Missionary Kid

            In the many biochemical reactions that are necessary for life, there are essential elements and compounds that, when taken in high doses by humans, can be harmful, if not fatal. Salt and water are only two of them.

            Quacks often take the fact that something is necessary and make the “logical” jump that if a little is good, more is better. LRH was definitely a quack.

            • FistOfXenu

              L Ron Mallard?

            • Missionary Kid

              Please, don’t insult ducks. 😉

            • FistOfXenu

              Fair enough. But you called him a quack. I thought quacker and the rest is history.

            • Missionary Kid

              You did think quacker, and it was a good reply.

            • FistOfXenu

              But you’re right. The ducks don’t deserve the smear on their reputation.

      • Sherbet

        There’s a cos propaganda video floating around — unfortunately, I can’t remember what it’s called or if I saw it on YouTube — where the reenactment shows lrh standing firm at the front of the room, taking the scientists to task for their evil plot. Just absolutely laughable.

        • Tony showed it to us once, part of a bunch of LRH re-enactment videos that Sherman put together for a birthday event (other greatest hits were LRH shaping up the Navy, LRH giving a computer a neurosis, etc.)

          • Sherbet

            That was it, Robert. Thanks. What a joke, until it wasn’t.

          • FistOfXenu

            Ironic isn’t it? LRH believed he could even make a computer neurotic and didn’t see that this is a bad thing to admit.

            • John P.

              Fist, whether that is a bad thing to admit has changed quite a bit over time.

              I’m surprised that culties haven’t recognized that (made-up) scenario for what it would look like in today’s world of technology and claimed that “L. Ron Hubbard was the world’s first computer hacker” because he gave that computer a “virus” and caused it to crash. From there, they could go on to claim that Hubbard (not Al Gore 🙂 invented the Internet.

            • VickiStubing

              Stop giving them ideas, already!

            • FistOfXenu

              You may have a point John P. But to me it’s just more of his bad scifi combined with his megalomania and not thinking about what he’s saying. He was so far out of touch with reality he had no idea what he sounded like. I’m no scientist but these tales of his remind me of little boys saying the 1st thing they think of when they talk trash at each other. You know, stuff like “I’m gonna make myself invisible with my secret formula and sneak into your house and steal your toys after Santa comes”

              Sorry, am I the only kid that had crazy friends? Anyways, that’s how he came across to me.

            • John P.

              Fist, you’re exactly right: most of the time, Hubbard and the cult sound like eight year old boys in a treehouse plotting to use their super powers to take over the world, or at least to force the principal at school to give out unlimited free ice cream at recess.

            • FistOfXenu

              Phew! So it wasn’t just my friends. That’s a relief! 😉

            • Ze Moo

              That is exactly the wish fulfillment that is CO$. There’s a South Park episode in there somewhere. Again…..Hello Tom Cruise, you Fudge Packer….

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEoyqiJhCgI

            • ParticleMom

              When my 8 year old isn’t busy being a Jedi or playing Pokemon, he imagines becoming President. He says he won’t do “kid stuff”, he will make Scientology illegal and return all the children to their parents and tell them to play together. Oh, and he will make all restaurants carry gluten-free food.

            • jensting

              That would kind of require the decision maker in the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology to have the first idea of how a computer works. (I mean, actually works, not the idea of a sort of screwed up basis for the “reactive mind”). But I’m not sure that David “he is NOT insane!” Miscavige descends to the level of knowing how computers work, or even listen to people who do.

        • John P.

          Tony did a great writeup on that video last year here: http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/03/scientology_l_ron_hubbard_birthday_celebration_2012.php It is definitely worth reading the article and watching the videos just in case one is flagging in one’s motivation to oppose this cult. Hubbard’s bald-faced clumsy lies will leave you speechless.

          The physics conspiracy video got my blood boiling. But since I am trained as a computer scientist, a field I worked in before I became a big time capitalist, the video about how Hubbard claimed to have visited an early computer and “asked it a simple question” that nobody else had thought of which “gave it a neuroses [sic]” absolutely sent me over the edge into fits of incoherent indignation for a couple of days. Hubbard showed by his statements there that he knew absolutely nothing about how computers worked.

          • Sherbet

            Thanks for finding that link, John P. I’m going to hang onto it.

            People in the office may joke that they “gave the computer a hemorrhage,” but it’s just an expression. In lrh’s case, however, either he really believed what he said, or he just loved the adulation he’d get when he’d say such a ridiculous thing to people with no knowledge of the subject. “Ooooh, Ron is sooooo clever, he’s even smarter than a computer!!!”

            • Johan

              I always get the idea he thought other people were morons and enjoyed proving it to himself

          • ParticleMom

            Reminds me of the old series “The Prisoner.” Number 6 asks the General (a computer) “Why?” and the computer overheats and explodes.

            • Sherbet

              lrh would have thought it was a documentary.

      • Poison Ivy

        “Yes, it is quite amusing how Hubbard stole scientific terms and turned them into cult jargon” Oh yes!

        One of my biggest pet peeves about LRH & CO$. When I hear someone like Tom Cruise say things like, “We have lots of data on that,” or even when they refer to “the tech”, it makes my skin crawl. Even when the R & R’s say it, it still bugs me.
        Hubbard’s co-opting of terms and naming so many aspects of his long con game to sound like other legitimate things (“narcanon,” for instance) is the classic technique of the con man.

        • Still_On_Your_Side

          Didn’t he coopt military jargon? I also noted recently that Robert Slverberg has a SciF novel, “Up the Line,” about time travel. Didn’t Hubbard use that term to connote the future?

      • grundoon

        Hubbard aligned himself on the extreme right with Joseph McCarthy and the red-baiters, Robert Welch and the John Birch Society, the white supremacists and of course the South Africa apartheid regime. They hated and reviled their polar opposites, the one-worlder peaceniks, such as Linus Pauling, Einstein and his Committee of Atomic Scientists, the U. N., and all shades of pink, yellow and red. Pauling’s Nobel prizes (given by a sketchy little country just a stone’s throw from the USSR!) infuriated the rightists; of course they made him a favorite character in their never-ending conspiracy theories. Nixon was to the left of these nimrods – but it is really funny that they would lump him with Pauling.

        Hubbard didn’t fantasize about peace. He fantasized about parlaying his interrogation and mind control technology into a high post atop the internal security apparatus of a rightist regime.

        • John P.

          Well said! Interestingly, Hubbard’s “military intelligence” background was apparently mainly censoring letters his shipmates sent home to make sure they didn’t disclose any war secrets. Just the sort of thing that would get you into that kind of mindset where you see Communist spies everywhere.

          Re his “interrogation and mind control technology,” it’s amusing he couldn’t even give it away to small, economically weak countries like Rhodesia or Albania, much less to countries with real intelligence agencies.

          • FistOfXenu

            Fair enough John P. Hubbard’s fantasy intelligence career was a joke that makes Walter Mitty look real. But then somehow he turned around and created his own intelligence agency that was good enough to cut right through a bunch of our own government agencies. Even if you say but they got caught, well so did the KGB and we don’t think they’re useless. And look how much they stole from the US government before they got caught. I don’t know how LRH did it but he worked out how to train GO people for some decent intelligence ops.

            But his mind control worked pretty good didn’t it?

            • grundoon

              “I don’t know how LRH did it”
              SOP: He delegated, and took the credit.

          • grundoon

            Censorship duty was assigned to officers unfit for regular duty. All letters sent by military servicemembers were censored. For Ron, I think this was shore duty; he no longer had shipmates. The term “military intelligence” here is stretched to its maximum.

            All the officer patients in the ward were forced to censor letters written by all the enlisted-men patients, who were kept in residence in wards of their own. It was a monotonous job, and Yossarian was disappointed to learn that the lives of enlisted men were only slightly more interesting than the lives of officers. After the first day he had no curiosity at all. To break the monotony he invented games. Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective. The next day he made war on articles. He reached a much higher plane of creativity the following day when he blacked out everything in the letters but a, an and the. That erected more dynamic intralinear tensions, he felt, and in just about every case left a message far more universal. Soon he was proscribing parts of salutations and signatures and leaving the text untouched. One time he blacked out all but the salutation “Dear Mary” from a letter, and at the bottom he wrote, “I yearn for you tragically. A. T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army.” A. T. Tappman was the group chaplain’s name.

            – Catch-22

    • FistOfXenu

      Yup. Those ebil scientists were trying to take over America with a revolution or real science. If they succeeded Americans would’ve been so well educated every last one of us would’ve have laughed at Hubbard so hard and so long even he would’ve run away to hide from the mocking. He would’ve died alone and in the dark – and POOR.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Alone, check
        Dark, check
        Poor (Depends on how you define it) I say check.

  • jensting

    It’s a pity Hubbard didn’t give details about Alexander the Great…

    I voted”request stay” because that’s what they did in France. Why change when you’re losing? Doing the same thing repeatedly in spite of it not working is assigned to insanity (in the popular description, anyway), and that just about fits the crminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology as run by David “he is NOT insane!” Miscavige.
    At least DM can be certain that no-one would dream of questioning how well he’s doing and consider revolt as a survival option.

    • Michael Barger

      I voted for the appeal to the Supreme Court also. I can’t imagine Miscavige taking “NO” for an answer. It buys him time, keeps Laura hanging for several more months, and will give him an opportunity to baaw and rage at the Wog SP-Reams when it gets turned down

      • Poison Ivy

        Yes, remember LRH’s motto about using/abusing the legal system – it’s not about winning, it’s about driving your opponents into bankruptcy and madness. The longer they can drag it out, the better for them, the worse fo Laura, and the more time for shredding (or rewriting) files.

      • Missionary Kid

        Wouldn’t that also create a precedent for other states for people suing in a state other than California?

    • NoName

      I voted the same thing. But as I wrote in yesterdays comments, “Hey Davey – go Word Clear “cert denied”, bitch!”

      Seriously, they hear only 70-80 cases of the tens of thousands that request cert each year. The odds are not in Davey’s favor.

      In the unlikely event cert is granted, oral arguments are likely to provide some of the greatest lulz for the greatest number of dynamics. Forced abortion allegations would get some unprecedented attention in major media outlets. So I see a petition for cert as a win for everyone.

      • Still_On_Your_Side

        What an oral argument that would be, I can see Justice Scalia asking: “How many hundreds of clergy read the confession? You video taped the confession? Why do you think the Catholic Church would support a change in the law? Mr. Moxon, why doesn’t the church want the penitent to see her confession files?” Justice Scalia’s morality will be most welcome during that argument!

        • Missionary Kid

          Scaliat, being what I perceive as the uber-Catholic ultraconservative, would lead the charge to deny any appeal on the part of Co$.

          Indeed, taking the case to SCOTUS has the danger of making a decision applicable to all states, doesn’t it?

  • There was a stout fellow, who lived at Saint Hill,

    He believed that a track passed through time.

    It ended he thought, in eons yet to come,

    And it started way back in the slime.

    Well this poor fellow it seems, was riding a train,

    On his track from hither to yon,

    And damned if the train, didn’t derail in route,

    And made him quite sad he’d got on.

    Well this fellow he landed, right on his head,

    And it left there protruding some lumps.

    After that only good, malted scotch whiskey,

    Would bring him out of the dumps.

    It seems a few sips, of the scotch in his hand,

    Would send visions into his mind.

    And after a few, came the point of view,

    That the rest of the world was quite blind!

    But alas he didn’t see, and we know that it’s true,

    These sights came from a derailed train.

    And the colorful tones, dancing round up there,

    Were beginning to damage his
    brain.

    One minute he’d be, on the track in the past,

    And next he would be far ahead.

    And sadder than that, talking to himself,

    He started to believe what he said.

    And saddest of all, he couldn’t keep a straight thought,

    With the dialogue clogging his mind.

    One minute he’d be, the totalitarian sort,

    And the next he’d be kinder than kind.

    Well you know folks will tend, to speak right out loud,

    Though their conversation is pointed within.

    Eavesdroppers might think, that this is quite queer,

    Then there are those that would love to join in.

    “Holy mosses” they’d say, “that’s the sound of a soul,

    That’s been round this block before.”

    And they’d flock to his side, while he’d sit glassy eyed,

    And his recite would want to hear more.

    As his
    tales grew, in his rambling spew,

    He began to cause quite a stir.

    One sentence would start, and then change at some part,

    As it’s meanings they started to blur.

    He would start with a thought, to make a fine point,

    But it seems that the tales were cursed.

    His stories would bend, and the very end,

    Would have no recollect of the first.

    Reason would explain, the erratic behavior,

    Would come from two alternate source.

    One minute the fellow, would be the Buddha,

    And the next in a future race course.

    And yet not skip a beat, in his blathering bleat,

    With sentences that ran together.

    Eg. The world that you know, is
    all doom and gloom,

    So are you enjoying the weather?

    Well it seems his condition, it
    worsened in time,

    And the thoughts they grew further agape.

    He was at the same time, both a million years old,

    And naught but a clam off the cape.

    But combining these tracks, locked his jaw up for good,

    So it did have a practical side.

    Though it didn’t bring him back, to the here and the now,

    Lost in time the poor fellow died.

    • Observer

      *applause*

    • Sherbet

      Bravo, George! (But did you mean Holy Moses?)

  • Ron was no scientist as evidenced by his use of the word ‘theory’.

    A theory is the result of an hypothesis which, after others have considered and tested it and confirmed that it is the best explanation, becomes generally accepted until a better and more precise model is offered.

    J. J. Thomson who discovered the electron in 1897 suggested an hypothesis for the atomic structure which was accepted as a theory until advances in measurement and the development of quantum mechanics superseded it.

    Albert Einstein’s theories of special and general relativity, developed between 1905 and 1915 are still accepted as the best explanation for the physics of space and time but there’s no reason to suppose that these theories will not be modified in the future.

    Hubbard’s blathering, particularly in the ‘The Philadelphia Doctorate Course Lectures’ never ceases to annoy me because this pompous windbag with no knowledge of the scientific method and who couldn’t even master simple calculus pretends to be a scientist and stresses the sempiternal nature of his wishful thinking.

    And those who sat with bated breath listening to his pompous claptrap whose only response was ‘nervous laughter’?

    Well, I suppose that I should be charitable and accept that everyone can at times succumb to a charismatic charlatan, though I prefer to reserve my sympathy for those children brought up in this pernicious cult who have Hubbard’s ignorant nonsense inculcated in them at an impressionable age and have to struggle to break free of it in their adolescence.

    Andrew

    • Observer

      There you are! We’ve missed you.

      Also, wouldn’t “simple calculus” be an oxymoron?

      • Ciru

        Not for a nuclear physicist!

        • Observer

          Touché!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          In fact, it may be redundant!

    • John P.

      I learn something new every day. At first I thought “sempiternal” might have been a typo, but I consulted the Oxford English Dictionary I keep here in the office to win bar bets with the traders. There it is, as large as life at the bottom of page 962 in Volume XIV of that august reference work: “Enduring constantly and continually; everlasting; eternal.” Oh, I miss the erudition of educated denizens of the Commonwealth.

      Oh, and “charismatic charlatan” is a nice bit of alliteration…

      • I’d seen that word before, though not in a long time. I do like it: the first syllable is the root as in Semper Fi!

      • Spackle Motion

        Be glad you’re no longer in the Commonwealth. Some of their leaders are driving me nuts on a daily basis. So be glad.

        • John P.

          I like the accents, but am glad I am not spending time over there the way I did. After the Internet bubble crashed, one of my responsibilities was overseeing the IT guys setting up a system for currency arbitrage between NY and London, since I am one of a relatively small number of people that speak both “geek” and “trader.” For eight long months, I got to fly out Sunday night, shower at Heathrow, race into town, work in the London office on Monday and Tuesday, and then run like hell to catch the 7:00 flight back to NYC on Tuesday night (it is way cheaper to fly commercial in first class than to put 18 hours on the jet for one passenger). Naturally, management liked to see me at my desk first thing Wednesday after what is basically back-to-back 22 hour work days because they figured I could sleep on the plane. The accents, the Guinness and frequent Monday night dinners at The Ivy or at Cliveden were about the only things that kept me from going seriously postal.

    • Johan

      LRH dictionary: theory = outrageously wild conjecture

      • Sherbet

        LRH dictionary: data = lies

  • The Laura lawsuit of forced abortion and this chapter go hand-in-hand. L. Con once again displays his fascination with the subject of abortion, it’s no surprise it became enforced in the SO. “He married a wife that would make a harlot blush”. His opinion of women in general, I think.

    I think Co$ will try to settle, but will require a confidentiality clause, and Laura will have none of it.

    • Sherbet

      Your last sentence — my thoughts, too, but money is a great lure for Laura to put the whole chapter behind her.

      • I admire Laura enormously for her courage, determination and resolution in pursuing this case for so long. If she was offered a settlement and chose to accept it, my admiration for her bravery and integrity would remain undiminished.

        The festering, diseased and slimy cesspit that is the Church of Scientology is teetering on the abyss and is facing ‘the next trillion years shivering in agonized darkness’. The damage has been done and try as it might, the organization is doomed.

        Andrew

        • Sherbet

          I’d be disappointed, Andrew, but I wouldn’t fault the woman for putting the whole ugly business to rest. And, yes, let’s all hope the damage of multiple suits against cos continues to be serious enough to cause its collapse.

  • Mary_McConnell

    Baloney from Dianetics books (DMSMH) and EOS), like pregnancy related engrams, holders and whatnot had quite an influence on my thinking during my first pregnancy… I didn’t want to mess up my baby the way he
    described how a mother would mess it up. The bottom line was that I wound up detaching myself from the wonders of pregnancy and birth at the time.

    http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?31730-Behold-Children-are-a-gift-from-the-LORD-they-are-a-reward-from-Him-Psalm-127-3&p=806484&viewfull=1#post806484

    • Sherbet

      That’s so sad, Mary.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Ooh!
      I am so sorry.

    • sugarplumfairy

      f*cking scientology..

    • VickiStubing

      Mary, I am on the verge of tears. No mother or baby should be put through that. If I didn’t hate Hubtard or Sciloontology before, your story pushed me over the edge.

      I hope you have many happy days with your children and are able to enjoy every minute making fantastic memories with them to erase the awful ones.

    • Missionary Kid

      $cientology would have been completely different or non-existent if LRH had given birth. I think he had little or no understanding of women, except as objects to be manipulated and used, like everyone else.

    • ThetaBara

      Oh, how awful!
      I am so sorry you went through that. And really glad you got out.

    • ParticleMom

      I’m so sorry for what you and countless other mothers had to go through. I wish this aspect of Scientology was more well known. Thank you for sharing.

    • Casabeca

      Honored that you shared with us. A salute to you for being a loving parent in spite of dia/sci.

  • sugarplumfairy

    well.. I’m not pregnant, but I do occasionally offer up the violent prayer and the ritualistic chant.. why, just last night, as I knelt by my bed, I violently prayed that co$ and all the empty orgs get sucked into hell, while I ritualistically chanted “tiny fists SCOHB..”

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Wow, you are a Catholic!

      • sugarplumfairy

        and I have 7 brothers and sisters to prove it..

    • THERE’S a fairy on the pages of My Disqus!
      She’s not that very, very hard to find;
      Just click ‘The Bunker’ link and ‘Reload’ sixteen times –
      And her limpid prose will quickly come to mind.
      There are others who post oft with wit and wisdom,
      And style and grace that almost equal hers;
      You wouldn’t think they’d dare, to usurp her presence here-
      Well they do.

      There’s a fairy on the pages of My Disqus!
      She often posts at different times of day;
      In the Linen cupboard’s quiet, with her iPhone’s bluish light,
      Her admirers wait to hear what she will say.
      Do you know that she can sit upon a moonbeam?
      Scatter exclamation marks like stars upon the sea.
      Using acronyms with ease like a gentle summer’s breeze.
      Well she can.

      There’s a fairy on the pages of My Disqus!
      Starched white uniform and tumbling raven locks.
      We all stand up and sing when the fairy and the King
      Come gently floating down to grace this board.
      King Tony’s very proud and very handsome;
      The fairy – can you guess who that might be?
      (She’s a proper nurse all day, but at night she steals away)
      Well – it’s her!

      Rose Amy Fyleman (with help from Andrew)

      • Sherbet

        Andrew, are you smitten or what?

        • sugarplumfairy

          I don’t know about Andrew, but I certainly am..

          EDIT: !!!!!!!!!!!

          • Sherbet

            Get a room, you two.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              They have a room!
              We just need popcorn!

            • sugarplumfairy

              Lol.. Y’all ain’t right..

      • noseinabk

        Wow!

      • sugarplumfairy

        You, Sir Andrew, are magical.. I am delighted and enchanted..

  • California

    American Psychiatric Association begins it annual conference in SF on Saturday…. anybody know if CCHR is going to show up…. yes, yes, I have seen the estimates about 4000 SCN’ers showing up but that does not seem reasonable, does it? Anybody have any other info?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Even some of the exes, though they hate co$, are still violently opposed to the evil psyches and their big pharma handiwork.. but they WISH they could get 4000..

      • Sherbet

        Kirstie will show up, and cos will Photoshop in another 3,999 people.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Lol..

        • VickiStubing

          I sooooo desperately want to make a crack about her weight, but I live in a fat glass house. So I’ll keep it to myself. Like heck I will:

          If Kirstie’s off her diet, they’ll only have to shoop in 3,840 other people.

        • mirele

          KIrstie will show up and BE another 3,999 people.

          I can say this because I’m a fat woman like Kirstie.

        • FistOfXenu

          She must have at least that many BTs left, and they’ll look like even more than 3999 because they’re all eating-BTs.

      • Poison Ivy

        They’ll just bring up the 2500 from the Portland opening and add another 1500 from the various RPF’s around the world. Done.

    • FistOfXenu

      4000? AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
      Excuse me. Sorry. I was thinking about Portland.

      • ThetaBara

        I’m no mathematician but even by Portland math that is like a promise of what, 800 clams? No wai.

    • No way will 4K show up. If 50 show up I’ll be surprised.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I was guessing about 4.

        • And two of them will be homeless people, the third will be a lost tourist.

    • Captain Howdy

      The only way CofS is going to get 4,000 people to a protest in S.F is if they recruit homeless people and give them a sign, and promise to give them $20 after the protest. There’s more homeless in Frisco than scientologists in the world.

    • Ze Moo

      The APA has dealt with the CCHR for long time. Here’s an ’09 interview the president of the APA. The clams are a laughing stock and are treated as such.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pu0iVjJGwE

    • ThetaBara

      I’m bringing a clicker to count heads!

      • California

        But, but, what about the head-less ones?

        • ThetaBara

          Well, how about half each? Split the difference!

          • California

            See you there! And any other Anons or otherwise that want to go to the Moscone Center and see if CCHR shows up…. or other SCN’s……

            And remember, the infamous Bay-to-Breakers is on Sunday…..

  • 0tessa

    Hubbard clearly made it believed that he was the redheaded messias born in the west. Apparently he never found the engram on which this compulsive messias behaviour was based upon. That is strange, in view of the staggering amount of hours ‘in the chair’ he must have had.
    The church will do everything possible to prevent the transfer of the PC folders. Especially in this case. I sincerely hope it will not come to a settlement. Only with the folders the forced abortions and other abuses could be proven and Scientology be brought to justice.

    • FistOfXenu

      Now that’s what I’d like to see made public. Liar Ron Humbug’s auditing folders. Days of reading just how batshit insane the guy really was.

      • Espiando

        Although those are probably locked up tighter than Shelly, there are people who would know a good deal of the contents of LRH’s folders. Otto Roos is probably still too loyal to LRH to spill the beans, but there’s a reason why the Toxic Dwarf still fears David Mayo and Pat Broeker. Either of them, should they wish, could blow the whole thing wide open.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Do we even really need them?

        I mean the evidence is already so abundant it would be attenuated by the addition? No?

        • FistOfXenu

          You telling me you aren’t curious in a Ooh look at the fender bender! kind of way? And for the lulz?

          Can’t you just see it? “I just had a cognition that the reason I masturbate so much is because that’s part of how I have to save the guh-LAX-y. In fact my chief weapon for saving the guh-LAX-y is masturbation. Masturbation and lying. Lying and masturbation. My 2 great weapons for saving the guh-LAX-y are lying and masturbation .. and taking loads of drugs. My 3 great weapons are lying and masturbation and taking loads of drugs and ripping people off. My 4 .. no, among my weapons .. I’ll come in again.”

    • 0tessa

      Wow, I got 3 downvotes. I’m upstat!

      • Captain Howdy

        Espaindo got four.

      • VickiStubing

        A double portion of rice and beans for you today, then!

  • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

    As I read Vance’s commentary on Dianetics, I wondered how I got sucked in. I remember my brother criticizing my involvement in Scientology back then. I said to him, “If you really cared you could at least read the book [Dianetics]”. He replied, “I wouldn’t waste my time”. My brother was making a lot of sense.

    On the plus side of Dianetics, it was a book, a real book, published by a big book publishing company. Though I was taught to not believe everything I read I wasn’t taught that some people, even book writers, are just trying to deceive you for their own profit. Also, trusted friends were in Scientology and assured me that Dianetics was all true. The book hadn’t been around that long when I read it, and it seemed to be catching on, if I could believe the Scientologists. Also, some of the Scientologists had found success in life, even within Scientology, while I was still searching for it. So, I decided that, “you never know”. Who thought people would walk on the moon, who thought America would be in Viet Nam, who could believe the drug laws would be so crazy? Just cause Dianetics seems crazy and its author seems crazier, “you never know”.

    The next big mistake was exploring the subject more deeply. As I read more of Hubbard’s nonsense, it seemed less like nonsense. I became immersed in it. When I went down to the org and took courses, it began to take up a lot of my time and cut me off from the rest of the world. It also gave me a bit of individuality, when wearing a purple paisley shirt, just didn’t seem to be enough.

    Of course, eventually, I realized that though there are things “we never know”, life is finite. We can’t spent too much time with things that seem very unlikely. Then one day, I said, “I do know”. It is a big pile of baloney.

    I thank Vance for doing the work.

    • Missionary Kid

      LRH’s humbuggery had no bounds.

      It only makes sense if you accept his definitions, and $cientology goes to great lengths to “word clear” words so people are forced to step into his world.

      • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

        Who is the downer? I feel myself being invalidated!!! From now on, every time I see a down arrow, I am going up arrow the commentary, even it ranks as among the dumbest things I have ever read, even when it is dumber than Dianetics.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Do you feel confronted?
          Do you feel shattered?

          Scientology can help you with that.
          Right now YOU could be helping clear the planet by being hatted in “down arrow” tech.

          Do you wish to pay with Master Card or VISA?

          • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

            I am glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that one. It would have gone right up the nose.

          • John P.

            I feel confronted and shattered because I didn’t apparently impinge enough on OSA to get as many down votes as the rest of you. I’m starting to worry that I’m losing my edge. And in my business, edge is everything. As Keith and Mick say, in a way that’s well-attuned to the woes I feel at Global Capitalism HQ,

            Don’t you know the prime rate is going up, up, up, up, up
            To live in this town you must be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough!
            You got rats on the west side
            Bed bugs uptown
            What a mess this towns in tatters
            I’ve been shattered
            My brains been battered,
            splattered all over Manhattan

            Uh, this town’s full of money grabbers
            Go ahead, bite the Big Apple, don’t mind the maggots, huh
            Shadoobie, my brains been battered

        • Missionary Kid

          I don’t get upset any more. While I do tend to give an up arrow, Dipshit Downer has, to me, become a badge of honor that I’ve caused enough entheta in the clam world that they choose to give me one, or, at the least, they’ve wasted their time.

        • ThetaBara

          Those downvotes are a cry for help!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          “even when it is dumber than Dianetics.”

          As If!

    • Casabeca

      Beautifully said!

  • Vistaril

    A pig’s grunt is the same as a prayer to God? I had to check for myself and – yep – sur enough, that’s what L Ron Hubbard and Scientology’s Book One says. Crazy. So much for the PR.

    What will Scientology do about Laura’s case? Dunno. None of the above, I suspect. The last time Scientology was ordered to hand over such documents was with the tragic case of Edward McBride in Australia. In that case, the files were sent overseas, beyond the court’s jurisdiction.

  • 10oriocookies

    Im taking bets on which staff members will get taken away in handcuffs next, Church or Narconon?

    • John P.

      Easy answer: Narconon. Multiple counts of insurance and credit card fraud on the scale they’re alleged to have engaged in — just in Georgia — has pissed off the right people, and the investigation will find enough low-level staffers to point the way to larger fish. Somebody will go to jail for this caper. The only question is just how pervasive this is. You have an infinitely better perspective on that than I do, but as a betting man I can’t believe that GA is the only NN to have pulled this off. As somebody commented the other day, if GA started consistently making their stats, headquarters would immediately “fire a mission” to figure out why and would replicate what they were doing as quickly as possible.

      The cult will not get off scot-free, however: all the civil suits will continue to mount and the economic losses will continue. If we assume that they’re bringing in $200 million a year in total, even though their staff costs are amazingly low, paying out $20 or $30 million in settlements ought to wipe out a good chunk of their profits. And if multiple suits leading to refunds of monies deposited on account are successful, the depletion of reserves will be unprecedented and will really hurt them. Sure, there’s criminal activity, but it will be much harder to prove and to imprison people on. My bet is that Miscavige does not go to jail for anything he’s done so far, unfortunately. His search for a roommate called “Bubba” doesn’t start until the whole thing collapses into smoking rubble and he gets sent up the river only for bad behavior related to looting the assets on his way out.

      • jensting

        Are the NOI roommates also called “Bubba?”

        Wonder what David “he is NOT insane! Miscavige will think of doing to raise the tone of his roommate (from 1.1)?

        • Captain Howdy

          I’m not sure, having been lucky enough to avoid prison, but I think it might go something like this. NSFW

          http://youtu.be/FysT5c_MQ7I

        • jensting

          Going out on a limb to avoid getting voted down (too late!) I’m going to have to go with “Bubba Muhammad.”

      • 10oriocookies

        Good points. I believe in Laura’s case it may happen sooner. Whoever was responsible for her mistreatment will get some time. The investigation into Narconon GA will lead to more investigations for sure. It’s a case of how far the rabbit hole goes and that takes time. My bet is on the church.

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          Couldn’t the Garcia civil case, if successful, spark a criminal one for fraud regarding donations for the SuperPower building? That would have a direct tie-in to DM.

        • Ze Moo

          Laura’s case is civil, no criminal charges can be brought if the other side obeys the courts orders and established procedures. Those who forced Laura into abortions and time in the hole have and will walk away. It sucks, but that is how the law works. That Laura is getting her case heard, without the usual time limits is a very important change to the legal landscape.

          NarCONon Georgia will throw everyone involved under the bus to protect their cash flow. There are ‘only’ 17 NarCONons in the US, all of them should be audited for insurance fraud.

      • Spackle Motion

        Great points, as usual, JP. But once the whole thing crumbles, there may be criminal activities tied directly to Miscavige related to physical crimes he committed, including but not limited to imprisoning people (assuming that the brain dead aren’t so dead after all), possible homicide (if Shelley is dead), and any other crimes squirreled away by the devoted.

        If there is a People’s Temple type of situation then there’s no way he’ll get away from that scot-free. If the devoted become so disillusioned and start convincing each other to off themselves (even if Miscavige isn’t doing it directly) you better believe that law enforcement will be pressured into finding something to pin on him.

        • John P.

          I was involved as a (very minor) witness in a well-publicized insider trading trial a couple years back. I knew the guy was dirty when I first ran across him 15 years ago, as did everyone else who dealt with him. Turns out the feds were suspicious as well. He was good enough that ten years of running down leads and quiet investigations didn’t turn up anything they thought they could win (the guy had essentially unlimited funds for his defense, and could actually outspend the DoJ on the trial by at least 5:1).

          It took a lot of time after the guy got greedy and thought he was uncatchable before he made enough mistakes that they could put together winnable cases. In talking to one of the junior AUSA’s on the prosecution, they figured they had several hundred counts they could bring, but they focused the case and picked the ones they thought they could nail — their goal at trial was to get convictions on 100% of the charges they brought, both to get him the maximum sentence (which they did) but also for the deterrent effect that it would have.

          They wanted to avoid something like the Martha Stewart case where, try as they might, they simply couldn’t put together a winnable case (though I am not a Martha fan, I do not think that whatever happened rose to the level of insider trading). They could only get her on the standard FBI trick of “lying to federal agents” which is a bogus catch-all charge (which she could have beaten if she had had her attorneys video tape her interviews with the FBI). The deterrent effect of such an obviously weak case was minimal if not absolutely zero.

          That experience is the basis of my gut feel that the feds, in typical reactive mode, will go after the far more easily prosecuted financial crimes of looting the carcass of the organization than they will after very tough-to-prosecute crimes like keeping people in The Hole. After all, some of those people are so sick from being in there that they probably exhibit massive Stockholm Syndrome — I believe Tony reported that when Heber’s brother talked to him on the phone, Heber said he deserved to be in The Hole after all the bad stuff he did. So no AUSA is going to look at the risks of prosecuting a case where most of the witnesses are basically vegetables and think he’s got a good shot; far easier to go after financial crimes where there is a good document trail. And the money isn’t tempted to change its testimony and exonerate its captors.

    • Observer

      I’ll bake a caek no matter which!

    • Narconon. It’s one thing to violate human rights, but you better not try cheating insurance companies.

  • Ms. B. Haven

    It’s Thursday, and I’m keeping a close eye on the Bunker today. After the flurry of activity last week, I was thinking that Tony was succumbing to a classic scientology ‘stat push’ by posting so many articles. Things seem to be cranking right along this week as well. So far today, ‘Down Boy’ seems to be absent. Either he/she has moved on thru their A-E steps and is now back in the good graces of scientology or they will stop by later to shatter the suppression being generated here at the Bunker.

    • Observer

      Downer doesn’t usually start until early afternoon Eastern time.

      • VickiStubing

        Early today. yippee

        • Observer

          Yeah. When I saw that I wondered if Downer was making a liar out of me on purpose. lol

      • Spackle Motion

        Dickie Downstat is most likely on the Best Coast. Probably somewhere in Hollywood or Glendale as there are a large amount of Clams in those hoods.

        • Espiando

          Nah, we’re speculating East Coast because of his going right up to 2PM ET on previous occasions, then stopping dead (as well as his starting time of around 11AM ET; 8AM PT would be a little early to start the festivities). If he was a Left Coaster, he’d have carried on until 5PM ET.

          And if you cite concentration of clams as a factor, there’s this little place called Clearwater, which, I believe, is still on the East Coast.

  • mirele

    One thing Tony brings up in this episode of Dianetics–The Book! is that Hubbard didn’t have any special insight into medical conditions, such as bleeding ulcers. We now know that most stomach ulcers are caused by a bacterium called Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori for short). Some of us older folk remember our parents, the TV, the movies, etc., going on and on about the pain of ulcers, special diets, trying to reduce stress to reduce the ulcers, and Hubbard blamed it on engrams. Well no, it was a bacterium. For the record, this doesn’t mean that people don’t get ulcers anymore; I had a doctor go on a search and destroy mission two months ago to see if my chronic stomach upset was being caused by an ulcer. Nope. But if I had an ulcer, there’s a treatment and it’s not Dianetics, thankfully.

  • I was once told of a conversation where someone was trying to explain the concept of “Theta.” The person explained it was the same as “The Force” as in “May the Force be with You” from Star Wars. This shows that people are willing to believe anything if it is fun to believe, which also explains why more people consider their religion to be “Jedi” than Scientology.
    Speaking of the “Big Loop,” has anyone who cognized that they mocked up their Reactive Mind also cognized that it wasn’t until they joined Scientology that they mocked up their Reactive Mind?

  • Truthiwant

    Like Alexander The Great, Ron Hubbard must have received a real stinker of an Engram
    from his mother.

    Knowing a bit about Ron’s mother and I quote:

    “Old Mother Hubbard,

    Went to the cupboard,

    To give the poor dog a bone….”,

    I can only presume that Mother Hubbard tripped over the dog when she was pregnant with Ron
    and shouted out some Engramic obscenity as she fell down. Her son, Ron, would
    later on go and conquer the Galaxies of the Universe due to this Engram received
    from his mother.

    • Observer

      Yoink! That pic cries out for a shooping.

      • Sherbet

        Yeah, well, we’re still waiting…

        • Captain Howdy

          Somebody’s getting spoiled.

          • Sherbet

            Eh, chew on your turkey leg…

          • Sherbet

            Maybe one of the cos shoopers will take over the task, with their stellar skills and all. Old Mother Hubbard would be covered in confetti, but, other than that, nobody would be able to tell the picture had been ‘shopped.

        • Observer

          Not today, I’m afraid. I have to work *some*time. lol

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I know right?
            I have had to do that, like twice today already!
            Slave drivers!

      • ThetaBara

        I know, I know! How about Allender as teh dog?!

        • Observer

          That dog isn’t vicious or mangy enough.

  • Espiando

    Damn, I hate when we start getting into the pre-natal engrams thing, especially right now. Every single time we discuss it here, it reminds me of what kind of bullet I dodged by not getting involved in Scientology. I have enough vanity to believe that all my problems were induced in me pre-natally (especially given what I now know about my pre-natal period). Fortunately, I have a lot more scientific knowledge than vanity, which showed me what a bunch of complete and utter nonsense Hubbard was spewing out.

  • FistOfXenu

    Tough poll. I think it depends which voice in DM’s head is screaming the loudest right now. He just got a whole matched set of ass kickings this weekend. He didn’t get the giant crowds he thinks he deserves. He had to have somebody shoop the crowd he imagines in his dreams. Then his ecclesiastical attack dog failed to come back with blood and flesh in his teeth. Then the whole world is talking about what a bad fake his official shoop is and he doesn’t even have enough OSA-trolls and A-E slaves to attack all the people laughing at him and $cientarCONon.

    That’s what you get for being such a complete rat bastard, little Davey. You pulled it in. Karma’s a bitch. And you haven’t even seen what happens when your clock stops ticking.

  • Espiando

    Oh, yeah, since Dickie Downvote has now arrived (11AM ET on the dot, just enough time to get his Staturday push), I’ll post a new message so I can get another downvote and help out his Conditions/A To E/OSA blood money paycheck.

    Some Old Mother Hubbard speculation: wasn’t it Nibs or Russell Miller who implied that the DeWolfs felt themselves to be far above the Hubbards on the social scale, and that marrying Harry Hubbard was marrying down (with the possible exception of Grandpa DeWolf, who seemed like a pretty good guy)? Given that Harry was away all the time on military service, that fact might have provided a little bit of bay leaf to the toxic stew of Hubbard’s childhood.

    There is simply no doubt that every Scientologist and everyone doing Book One is auditing Hubbard’s case.

    • Ze Moo

      Hubbtards preoccupation with abortion, and unconsciousness borders (or surpasses) the psychotic. Something happened in his childhood to cause this. He was six when his father went back to the Navy in 1917. The family moved around a bit, like many Navy brats (on offense intended to the Navy or Army). I just have to wonder what hanging around with a guy nicknamed ‘snake’ did to him.

      • Espiando

        I hate to play armchair psychoanalyst, but given the evidence of the culture around him and his Admissions, that LRH’s bizarre sexual obsession has one particular root: masturbation. There’s rarely been such a sea change regarding one element of sex as there was in attitudes toward masturbation between Hubbard’s generation and those of his parents.

        Remember that in the 1880s and 1890s, there was a complete moral panic regarding the issue of masturbation, especially when it came to teenage boys. Catalogs sold appliances to prevent it. Medical people kept stating over and over how “harmful” it was, and that it could lead to chronic diseases, or worse. John Harvey Kellogg created Corn Flakes as a preventive against this practice. It’s the time period when American males began to be routinely circumcised in the belief that the Unkindest Cut Of All would lessen this practice. When Charles Guiteau was tried for the assassination of President James Garfield in 1881-2, the fact that he masturbated was brought up in court as prima facie evidence that he was insane.

        Then along came Freud and his disciples, and, relatively quickly, masturbation started to be regarded as a normal part of sexual maturity, especially for boys. Snake Thompson was conversant with Freud, and he came into Hubbard’s life at the time that Hubbard would be starting to explore himself as a sexual being, both physically and mentally. That doesn’t mean kiddie-fiddling on Thompson’s part, as has been speculated by J. Swift, among others. But it does mean that there was almost certainly a mixed message being issued. Hubbard’s mother, a product of the Kellogg Era, might have been telling him of the Evils Of Self-Abuse. Meanwhile, Thompson may have been telling him that it’s perfectly normal, and that every boy his age does it. Hubbard’s Affirmations make it pretty clear which side he took, but that there was still a mental conflict.

        All in all, this was a recipe for some sort of sexual neurosis, especially in someone as narcissistic as Hubbard. And that conflict still continues to this day in the Sea Org, as Derek can tell you.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          “that LRH’s bizarre sexual obsession has one particular root: masturbation”

          Oh for Christs Sake E.
          It was Hubbard, he couldn’t even do this right!

          Edit: And this is really, really difficult to screw up!

          • Espiando

            Actually, BTN, I don’t blame him for that. At least for guys, masturbation is like Othello: “a minute to learn, a lifetime to master”. I’ve been trying to get it right for 35 years now, and I don’t think I’ve cracked it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yeah, but I bet no one has to badger you into practicing!
              It’s not like it is the Violin or something!

            • Observer

              Oh, now there’s a priceless mental image.

            • Espiando

              And probably the only one ever that you’re not even considering shooping.

            • Observer

              You speak verily, good sir.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Well some people call it fiddling….

              Or is it diddling?

            • John P.

              I’ve always heard that it was more complicated for women. Here are the respective erogenous control panels: http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c14/murklinsdragon/blaarg/man-woman-control-panel.gif

            • BuryTheNuts2

              That is why it is so hard to get us “there” sometimes.
              Too Many Knobs!!!

            • sugarplumfairy

              It only looks complicated.. See that little button bottom center? Everything else is just for show..

            • FistOfXenu

              But a LOT of fun. 😉

          • FistOfXenu

            Maybe it really was his mother’s fault. Maybe she misunderstood what the corn flakes were for and poured them in his underwear. It’s bound to go wrong and then when he figured out what she did to him he never forgave her or any woman.

            • Casabeca

              Favorite. Comment.
              Ever. !!!

    • ThetaBara

      Now, now, don’t be greedy! There are plenty of downvotes to go around.

  • “Turn over Laura’s PC folders by whichever date the court mandates”

    It’s good to see you’re maintaining your sense of humor, Tony.

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    I think DownBoy brought a friend today.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Good! They should blow as a team!

    • Captain Howdy

      It could be one person with multiple accounts.

  • FistOfXenu

    To our friend who comes here to down vote us. Hi and welcome!

    I was wondering if you know that $cientology “Ethics” is mind control and those sec-checks are mental abuse? Did you know that A through E is a manipulative mind game and they’re using it to dominate you?

    Take a minute and figure it out for yourself. If there were any real OT powers this website wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t have to come here down voting people.

    You won’t “lose your eternity” if you leave. $cientology can’t give you eternity if you stay and can’t take it away if you leave. You don’t even have to route out. You can just leave. Nothing bad will happen to you if you walk away.

    People out here won’t hurt you. We’re here to help.

  • Ze Moo

    “The theory may be wrong, the observed data is not,” Hubbard says, clearly satisfied with himself” Thus cognitive dissidence was born, and Lroon saw that it was good. And he kept using that trick, because, he was too stupid and lazy to come up with new tricks. He just kept stealing tricks from others. And didn’t pay royalties….

  • dwayners13

    If, in the unlikely case the church decides to turn over Laura’s PC folder, they will be woefully incomplete & altered. I can just see the church’s lawyers bowing their heads before the judge, like a kid who got caught stealing from the cookie jar, explaining how a very recent fire, flood, reorganation of files, earthquake, accidental explosion and/or theft has resulted in the loss of much of the folders in question. Of course, the genius behind this tactic (hint: he’s smaller than a bread box), has safely separated himself from this obvious attempt to deceive the court & is “just as angry/disappointed” as the other parties that the folders that are left are missing several key documents. Like always, he will ensure his finger prints are not on any folder & in fact, I’m sure that at the time this was done, he was in Vietnam helping victims of Napalm gas with the LRH approved Purification rundown & his good buddy Tom will corroborate that alibi. He’s used this tactic previously. You may remember when asked why he didn’t stop Rathbun during the 2 years he was beating people up, it was because he was away on business (for 2 years straight) & was unaware of the situation.

    • Observer

      I wonder when his minions will get tired of him throwing them under the bus when all they’ve done is obey his orders.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Hi Down Boy!
    Why don’t you stick around and hang with us? We are much more fun.
    Come on…you know it is a farce.
    Blow already.
    Would you really have to do this if the “tech” worked?

  • Espiando

    To our f(r)iend Dickie Downvote: do you ever wonder about COB RTC? Do you ever wonder about why we here call him Tiny Fists, the Toxic Dwarf, Little Boots, and other oh-so-pleasant names? Do you ever wonder about why the Exes consider him a squirrel? Have you seen the Friends of LRH website and examined the dozens of changes that COB RTC has approved, mandated, or changed himself from LRH’s “tech”? When you study KSW at the beginning of every course, do you realize that to COB RTC, it’s irrelevant?

    Do you ever question why you had to buy a set (or more than one) of the Basics? Was it really because all of those nasty semi-colons had to be eliminated? Do you ever wonder how we here in the critic community get our nasty little SP hands on the Basics? We buy them from the libraries that they’ve been sent to for pocket change. You know, the libraries they were sent to with the help of the money you donated to Planetary Dissem campaigns. And the reason we got to buy them is because 1) the library didn’t want them and 2) no one else did. We bought them for the lulz.

    Do you ever wonder what it will take to open Super Power? Do you remember that in 1978, “the year of lightning-fast tech”, LRH said that Super Power would start up in six weeks, to be delivered at Saint Hill orgs? In 1978, I was starting high school and just beginning to get constant boners. Now, I’m an old fart and miss the ability to get constant boners. And yet Super Power sits, unreleased, a tacky rococo palace in Clearwater its only monument. And how much did you give toward the building of the tacky palace?

    Do you wonder what kind of crowds are flocking to the Ideal Orgs? The answer is “nobody”. LRH’s “The Ideal Org” PL only says that orgs should be decent, well-kept, and not repulsive to public. New public aren’t responding to COB RTC’s Ideal Org strategy. And how much have you given for your local org to go Ideal? And how much are you being asked for in order that orgs nowhere near you can go Ideal? If Scientology was growing straight up and vertical, is there a need for Ideal Org Alliances?

    What is COB RTC doing? Fortunately for you, there is a way to inform you without you encountering entheta. Google “Borgia papacy”, then be prepared to be boggled by the comparisons.

    • Missionary Kid

      I wouldn’t bother saying anything to Mr. Clam Downer. All he’s trying to do is create upset here. Ignore him, he’s a clam without a clue.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I respectfully disagree MK.
        Down boy or girl may very well be the disconnected relative of someone right here on this blog.
        We don’t get upset over down votes and we consistently go off topic (OK, at least Capt. Howdy and I do :).
        One word.
        One phrase.
        One right moment to get through to one clam that claims a life back.

        I will always risk it.

        • Missionary Kid

          You convinced me,

      • Espiando

        He’s not creating upset here. Actually, he’s creating fun. Staturday has opened up new vistas for bonding between Bunkerites, and it’s wonderful having our own faithful, reliable troll. Dickie brings us together even closer than we already were.

        Thanks to Dickie and friends/sockpuppets, we can also try out new approaches on arguments to convince those still in to start doubting. Gayle’s doing it her way. Personally, I don’t think it’ll be effective, so I’m doing it my way. Regardless of who’s got it right, if we get one Debbie Cook’s E-Mail type of victory out of this, we win.

        • John P.

          He’s not creating upset here. Actually, he’s creating fun.

          And that, in a nutshell, is exactly why Hubbard’s “Management Tech” is totally useless. They get so obsessed with stats that they forget to check to see if what they’re doing to collect stats on is actually working. And the longer they play the stat-obsessed game, the more important it is to never, ever stop and look to see whether stuff is working. Otherwise, next week your stats will go down and you will get in trouble. So eventually the system becomes delusional — it’s about stats and not about the real results, about the stuff you wanted to have happen. Like, in this case, shutting down dissent and “entheta.”

          So the down-voters may have originally thought that by down-voting people, readers would stop reading comments with negative votes. Or Tony would ban people with high numbers of down votes from his site. Or something. But clearly, we’re having enough fun with the whole concept that the down voting campaign of the last couple weeks is at best completely useless, and in the worst case is actually causing the community to rally ’round. (The signal-to-snark ratio in the case of this crew makes it unlikely in the extreme that anybody is genuinely hurt by being down-voted by anonymous voters, so there’s not much rallying needed to shore up our confronted and shattered self-esteem.)

          • Missionary Kid

            Fun=good. Have at it.

          • stillgrace

            I was feeling a bit left out, because I didn’t get down-voted for days. Funny how that works. But then I noticed a comment of mine with a downvote, and I just felt just … I don’t know … I guess the right word is “validated”. Thank you, Dickie Downvoter.
            Please don’t forget me.
            …….I
            …….V right here, please.

        • Missionary Kid

          O.K., I made the mistake of thinking you were upset at Dilbert Downer.

          Just make sure that he’s kept busy. Like just about everything with Co$, it’s a waste of time.

        • Bella Legosi

          Do unto the DownVote Troll what Earnest done unto the Troll King!

          Give em a kiss!

  • Freeloader debt is not legal.

  • Missionary Kid

    Off topic. Here’s the Oiliness Table.

    http://www.gocomics.com/theargylesweater/2013/05/16

  • Blow. You can walk out the front door. They can’t stop you. Just blow.

    • ThetaBara

      Or the back door, or the side door! Just walk away. Free yourself. Reconnect with old friends. Join us.

      • Squeeze out the damn bathroom window if you have to! Just BLOW!

  • Ze Moo

    8:30 a.m. CIVIC CENTER – A motions hearing is scheduled in Laura Ann
    DeCrescenzo’s lawsuit against the Church of Scientology. The former
    church member alleges that beginning at age 9 she was forced to work
    every day with little or no pay and had limited access to her family and
    the outside world. She seeks damages for unpaid wages, emotional
    distress and loss of education. Dept. 41, County Courthouse, 111 N. Hill
    St.

    http://www.goerie.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130516/APV/1305160666

    Motions today in Laura’s suit. Good luck.

  • Disconnection is a morally reprehensible policy, it is enforced to keep the members of the “Church” under it’s control. There is no good or spiritual reason to force a parent and child to cut off all contact with each other.

  • Sherbet

    DownVoteBoy must have made his stats. He down-voted a fair amount of posts, but then he seems to have lost interest. He didn’t get the newest or the oldest posts, just the ones in between. WTG, Downer! You may have the next hour off (and by “off” I mean reading some cos faux scripture, and by “faux scripture” I mean lrh’s nonsense.)

    • Captain Howdy

      It’s Staturday. He made his quota.

      • dbloch7986

        It’s actually Thursday before two. He was probably up all night down voting the entire internet and was granted permission to sleep from 9am to 1pm since his stats were already up.

        • Sherbet

          Seems to me last week, he went right down to the wire, clicking, clicking, clicking at a feverish pace until 2 p.m. and beyond. He’s ahead of the game this week. Gee, the tech does work!

          • dbloch7986

            His mid-morning nap will probably be the first bit of sleep he’s had since he started down-voting the intarwebz last week.,

            • Sherbet

              It would all be funny if I didn’t know — from you and other exes — there’s a lot of truth in that scenario.

      • ThetaBara

        <3 "Staturday"

    • He probably got a lot of extra mileage off that ABC article.

    • 0tessa

      I think he got too enturbulated by reading all our posts and especially by all the truth in them.

  • dbloch7986

    Whenever a person is being promoted or changing a position while working in a Scientology organization, it’s standard procedure to take the personality, IQ and aptitude tests.

    When I was being transferred to the training corps and being sent to Florida, I had to pass those tests before I went. I was able to manipulate my answers so that my personality scores were too low to be sent. Then the senior executive in charge of my transfer sat me down in a room and said that I was full of shit and I needed to answer honestly. He understood I didn’t want to leave LA, but it wasn’t my choice, it was for the good of the group.

    I was 16 and I wanted to be able to see my family. I was being sent over to Florida with the potential of being stuck there for years in training before coming back to LA. Can you imagine? I didn’t make enough money or get enough time off to go see my family back here in LA.

    I fought tooth and nail not to go, but you can only put up with so much coercion and RPF threats before you give in.

    • SP

      I am so glad you are out Derek! You are so smart and articulate and very inspiring.

    • ThetaBara

      This is Why.

    • ParticleMom

      It is impressive that at age 16 you could already see how to game the tests!

    • aquaclara

      “I was 16 and I wanted to be able to see my family.” FU to the cult for this ever happening.

      • Bella Legosi

        If I could click this comment a hundred times I would

  • Jgg2012

    “what will Scientology do when they come into court today?” Tony, they will either make another frivolous motion, or announce that they are appealing yesterday’s decision to the US Supreme Court. They will stall as long as they can, then pay whatever they have to in order to settle the case without releasing the sec check reports.

  • VickiStubing

    Something must have happened by now. I apologize for being impatient, all good things to those who wait and all.

  • Missionary Kid
    • sugarplumfairy

      Whew.. I was soo verklempt over this..

      • Missionary Kid

        Yeah, I know. It’s minor, but the urban legend has already spread. I had an afternoon talk show, and they brought it up without the denial. The discussion was all positive on what a great job Will was doing raising his kids.

        Sending him to a $cion school is not good parenting.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Agreed..

  • dbloch7986

    So what happens if I have like 750 life force, and I meet someone who has like 250 life force. Can I use my theta beams to decimate them? Is this like Pokemon? How can I not remember so much of this stuff. I read that book like 30 times while I was locked in the basement tunnels underneath Hubbard Way, filing moldy papers, waiting to be dumped like a piece of trash at my parents’ house.

    Laura, I hope Scientology gives you a big fat check. It won’t make the pain go away, but it will at least mitigate it and give you the funds to seek out therapy, which will help the pain go away.

    • sugarplumfairy

      “can I use my theta beams to decimate them?”

      I adore you, Derek.. And I love that despite being a trained, deadly scientologist, you only use your powers for good..

    • Missionary Kid

      $cientology, Pokemon, but with serious money. It’s still all imaginary.

      • But the rules make less sense.

        • Missionary Kid

          Because there is only one rule: COB’s.

  • Mrs Libnish

    Off Topic: I had to head on over to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/16/kirstie-alley-slams-abercrombie-fitch_n_3285046.html to leave my two cents on how I feel about Kirstie Alley. I don’t care what the article is about, I just get a kick bashing her. Is that wrong? I linked WWP, TO and ESMB for anyone who cares to do their research.

    • Missionary Kid

      I think that article is too peripheral. Maybe a comment on how $cientology helped her put the weight on would be appropriate.

      • Sherbet

        Kirstie said only that narcon saved her life when she was addicted to cocaine, so she believes. Apparently, scientology couldn’t cure her food and nicotine addictions, nor did it ensure she’d have happy relationships with men. So, in other words, she’s a walking, talking advertisement for what scientology can’t do. I guess nobody is supposed to notice that.

        • Missionary Kid

          Good points.

  • SP ‘Onage

    “And so, when our bleeding ulcer gets born, there is Grandma and there is security and safety…And Roger will, when Grandma is dead, develop bleeding ulcers to get her back.”

    This is why the Medical Profession won’t recognize LRon. ^^^^

    The Helicobacter Pylori had not been discovered when LWrong wrote about ulcers. Most ulcers and bleeding ulcers are caused by H. pylori. It doesn’t get born!

    Because of its spiral shape and the way it moves, H. pylori can penetrate the protective lining of the stomach. When it penetrates the stomach, excess acid can irritate the stomach and duodenum eventually causing an ulcer.

    H. pylori can be spread through contaminated food, water and it’s been found in the soil.

    A combination of two antibiotics will cure it, but it can come back after the ulcer has healed.

    L Ron’s medical records state that he was hospitalized with an acute duodenal ulcer rather than a war injury. Hubbard probably had H. pylori and could have been cured if he was alive today.

    • hogarthian

      “And so, when our bleeding ulcer gets born, there is Grandma and there is security and safety…And Roger will, when Grandma is dead, develop bleeding ulcers to get her back.”

      This is why the Medical Profession won’t recognize LRon. ^^^^”

      Fucking Hell…… I see what you’re saying, but I hope to fuck that the reason the medical profession ‘won’t recognise LRon’ is actually because it would be as bizarre as the Bank of England basing their interest rate on the writings of Gypsy Rose Lee. (which, now I think about it, they may well have done)

      • Espiando

        Except that they don’t have a policy called Keep The Bank Of England Working, and they were able to move on to basing their interest rates on the writings of Dita von Teese.

        • hogarthian

          I wish they had of done…. she’s a very astute little MINX 😉

      • SP ‘Onage

        Lawl! I fixed it.

  • hogarthian

    Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Jesus christ. WTF? I know that there are many people who are/were 2nd generation Sci’s, who had no choice, for whom the ‘nurture’ thing took over and led them down Hubturd’s path. But, can someone please tell me (I don’t care through which medium…. I’ll give you my email address even) how the fuck your average Joe Blogs man off the street can read this stuff, which I presume is one of the first things they are directed to read, and actually swallow it?! I have read only as much of Dianetics as Tone has posted here, because I need an informed opinion, but fuck me….

    What is the difference between the kind of person who reads this and thinks “Well I never, this guy has the answers, woohoo!” and those who think “this bloke is as mad as a fucking basket of wet hens”. I know, it’s obvious, that dodgy guru’s pull in the lame ducks, but not all of the lame ducks are pulled in. So why some and not others? I was brought up by a (bipolar) woman who has embraced (in pursuit of an ‘answer’), in temporal order: drugs, self harm, marriage (5 of ’em), alcohol, casual sex, Jehovah’s Witnessism (?), therapy, prescription medication, gardening, dogs, and finally….. grandchildren. So I can see, absolutely, how desperation would drive some people to embrace scientology. But I don’t know whether it’s the damaged, the greedy, the lonely, the social climbers, the professionally ambitious, the beautiful, the aesthetically challenged…. and so it goes on. There must be a correlation in there somewhere, but what the fuck is it?!?!?!

    This site, amongst other things, has made me rethink my whole professional focus. It’s too late for me to change direction now, however, when I’m done with my PhD (don’t hold your breath) I will, for sho’, be going down the road of a qualitative sociological study of ex cult members.

    I’ve observed a pattern here, and it’s that I have a rant once a week or so. I think this was this weeks.

    p.s. I think the ‘church’ will try to settle and that Laura will decline, but hey, what the fuck do I know?!

    • Espiando

      You have to put everything into context. Remember, Hubtard came up with this stuff in the late 1940s, in a time where 1) antibiotics were just coming on to the market, 2) mental health was still a relatively open field, with numerous conflicting theories, and 3) the education level of the US public was at its lowest since before the Civil War thanks to numerous kids leaving school to support their families during the Depression (Trufax: US soldiers in WWI had a functional literacy rate of over 90%, while the same figure in WWII was just above 70%. Trufax II: I was researching my birth family, and my grandfather, born in 1914, left school after sixth grade to become a butcher.). In 1950, this stuff could have sounded plausible, especially to the Freddie-type lost souls back from the war.

      I keep thinking that if the Soviets hadn’t revealed they had the bomb in 1949, then Dianetics would have been a bomb of its own the year after. When you’re uncertain if this day was going to be your last, having something like Dianetics, something that appeared to be solid and scientific, would have been reassuring, especially if it provided someone with answers to the Big Questions In Life.

      Later on, Hubtard made it obvious that Dianetics was his unrefined beta test, Scientology was further experimentation, and New Era Dianetics was the patched version. Combine that with the general wide-spectrum search for replacement spiritualities in the 60s and 70s, and you can see how that might have sold. It positioned Scientology pretty well for the Egotistical Eighties, when a “religion” that said that nothing was your fault was very appealing.

      Today, however? No, there’s no excuse. Even the Indies say to stay away from Dianetics and start with Self-Analysis.

      • hogarthian

        Esp…. what a lovely response, thank you! I get all of that (my facade of gutter-snipe language and political incorrectness may give the impression that I’m a bit thick), I’ve thought very deeply about it, it’s fascinating. I think you gave me the answer that I was looking for, that I know already… “there’s no excuse”. You’re right, there is no excuse, but there has to be a reason, right?

    • Bella Legosi

      “the kind of person who reads this and thinks “Well I never, this guy has the answers, woohoo!”

      This guy mah lady

      And can I be your research assistant?? I love tedious reading and the smell of old books!

      • hogarthian

        Well… you and I working together? That has the potential to be a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions. But I think, in for a penny, in for a pound. Let’s get us all involved, I can think of nothing better than sharing an office with you lot. Although I’d be permanently half pissed/self medicated/in a trance… so no change to my working demeanour at all then! 😉

        • Bella Legosi

          That’s all good……..I was a licensed caregiver remember! I know how to dose ya and keep ya safe!

          We could rent out a little office of entheata and if any clams show up refuse to talk to them in normal language, talk to them purely in Shakespearean! That would really throw them off “track”. But we MUST find our PUCK!

          Auditions being held!

          • hogarthian

            lol! now I’m imagining how we will manage to get our lips around “But we MUST find our PUCK”, at 3pm, in the ‘International Office of Entheta’, as staffed by Bella, Bury, Sugar, Kim…… you know the rest.

          • Espiando

            I think the last thing we need is a Puck. Remember, if you will, Puck’s final monologue: Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue, we will make amends ere long.

            Sounds like doing A To E. We don’t play that. And this shadow doesn’t give hints on how all can be mended if he’s offended.

            • Bella Legosi

              Thou speakest alright;
              I am that merry wanderer of the night.
              I jest to Oberon and make him smile.

              Ok you got me there Espiando! So how about we find a Bottom (no pun intended)?

              “What do you see? You see an ass head of your own do you?”

              “I see their knavery. This is to make an ass of me, to fright me if they could. But I will not stir from this place, do what they can. I will walk up and down here, and will sing, that they shall hear I am not afraid.”

        • BuryTheNuts2

          oh this is starting to sound great!

    • grundoon

      “this bloke is as mad as a fucking basket of wet hens”

      +1 nomination for the 12 Words that Best Describe L. Ron Hubbard

      • aquaclara

        Seconding nomination. Happily.

  • Bella Legosi

    “It was probably a ritual chant of some sort from his mother, who was a high priestess of Lesbos and who must have received some injury just before the ritual. She hated her husband, Phillip. A son who would conquer all was the answer.”

    I would have hated Philip! So, did Hubbard know about the drunken ritualistic rape of the servants/slaves of the King and his party goers? I would suspect seeing your father drunkenly attempt to rape your mother would create a much bigger engram then any lesbian cult chant!

    Alexander was the son of a KING! Of course he is going to have a drive to rule whatever he can, and at that time there was really no better dick measuring contest then war (in fact some society’s engage in this dick measurement today, they just have way better technology). What good is a Prince if he is raised NOT to believe he is above the common masses?

    WTF chant did Olympia teach Alex? See, here is a chance for Hub to shine and actually make something up, and he blows it with homophobia!

  • Bella Legosi

    “It’s pretty easy to understand that phenomenon without the need for “engrams” or the “reactive mind” to explain. But what do we know.”

    Oh Tony……..we do know better lol

    Thank you by the way! I like to think of your blog as a miniture Library of Alexandra of Entheata! Don’t let the rat bastards burn it down!!!

  • hogarthian

    Also…. I’m visiting friends in DC in August, and will be making a trip to NYC for a few days. So, Tony… I’ll be seeking you out. I’d love to say that it’s because I’d like to partake of an hour or two of meaningful and Bunker relevant conversation, but actually I only want a picture for Facebook…. it is what it is and I won’t apologise.

    • Bella Legosi

      May Castiel bless you for your honesty mah lady!

  • Artoo45

    Again with the abortions. The man was utterly, completely, unhealthily obsessed with abortions.

    • Bella Legosi

      I’d say between abortions and squirrels he was really bat shit crazy. Think about that. Would you really trust a person’s perspective if they displayed a real paranoia of abortions and squirrels? Only with Hub…..cuz I have heard real crazy, and at no time did an obsession with abortions or squirrels ever come up.

      • Artoo45

        Too bad he didn’t live to pen that ten-volume squirrel abortion saga. I hear the Vistaril™ really made his creative juices flow . . .

        • Bella Legosi

          Vistaril really isn’t shit……..its a supah dupah antihistamine ………I believe it was the pinks and greys that got his juices flowing.

          Ewwwww Hub’s juice…..that is not a good visual or mental contemplation!

          • Artoo45

            No. No it’s not. I need a shower.

            • Bella Legosi

              Yeah right with ya bro…….heh wanna take a shower with this stranger from Portland?
              As I write this please note I am listening to “Goodbye Horses”
              Full disclosure and all……

              🙂

        • Bella Legosi

          And that pen better have been Burlwood!

  • euroconnection

    It`s a little off topic, but I`d really enjoy some thoughts on it cos it keeps my head busy: If I´d be in a cult and commited tons of creepy `n`illegal stuff in there: Would I then try to keep the hokus bogus (free for anyone to believe) basics of my excult working under the “independent”cloak after leaving, or would I help more by turning myself in to police and telling them what I did back then? Just a thought…

    Applause from europe to Tony O and everybody on his blog! Keep changing this world 🙂

  • Artoo45

    I was just in Hollywood on business yesterday, and the building that Jenna Miscavige threatened to jump out of at Hollywood and McCadden (near Highland) is totally gutted and some very expensive looking skylights and standing seam roofing is being installed. The building is fenced off and all the windows are out of the building (I assume they’re being restored) and on the second floor on the McCadden side there are several rooms jammed with insulation and ladders and sheetrock. But of greater interest as I passed below on my way from the parking lot were the stacks of bankers boxes up to the ceiling in one of the rooms. Old PC Files? Laura’s files? If there’s a mysterious fire in that building . . .