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A Womb With a View: More Dianetics Just-So Stories

PregnantWomanWelcome to our ongoing project, where we blog a 1950 first edition of Scientology’s bible, Dianetics, with the help of ex-Scientologist, lawyer, and author Vance Woodward. Go here for the first post in the series.

Vance, we’ve reached a short chapter titled “Some Types of Engrams,” and it provides several examples of engrams, which we always find rather entertaining.

Our old friend Jeff Jacobsen has criticized us for not doing more in this series to explain that L. Ron Hubbard inherited many of his ideas from previous writers. And there’s no doubt, for example, that the basic notion of your adult life being affected by what happened while you were in your mother’s womb was something that had been suggested many years before Hubbard wrote Dianetics in 1950. If you haven’t seen it, you really should look at Jeff’s 1992 essay, “The Hubbard is Bare,” that lays out some of the predecessors to this book.

However, it’s Hubbard’s specific explanations for how prenatal engrams affect adults that we find astounding, and when you examine them, you simply must give Hubbard himself full credit for their creativity.

Let’s look at the doozy of an example that starts off this chapter, for example.

Hubbard asks us to imagine a pregnant woman who is struck in the stomach by her violent husband. She screams, and he says, “God damn you, I hate you! You are no good. I’m going to kill you!”

The woman responds: “Please don’t hit me again. Please don’t. I’m hurt. I’m hurt. I’m frantic with pain!”

And the father comes back with: “Lie there and rot, damn you! Good-bye!”

Now, in Hubbard’s way of thinking, the lingering effect of this sad scene results from what the fetus absorbs of this conversation after being knocked “unconscious” from the father’s blow. (And remember, this may be taking place just days after conception.)

This scene is imprinted on the reactive mind of the unborn in several different ways.

1. It is severe because it is so early — in other words, a prenatal engram rather than one that comes later in life.

2. It contains an element of hurt (“I’m frantic with pain!”)

3. The engram contains a “holder” (“Lie there”), and Hubbard says that means it will have a tendency to be “chronic.”

4. The command to “rot” will probably produce disease in the adult.

5. The “God damn you” introduces a religious aspect which will confuse the adult.

6. The “You are no good” will convince the adult that other people are not good.

7. The hostility in the tone — “I hate you” — deepens the effects of the engram.

8. And the child, once born, has to live with these awful people who were fighting while he was a fetus.

Given our history exploring this book, that last one sounds once again like Hubbard working out his own issues about his parents. He also suggests that the adult will have a tendency to take on, alternatively, the “valence” of the bullying father and the valence of the “cowardly” mother (his characterization).

And so this is how the adult goes through life with that prenatal engram residing in his reactive mind:

If he dramatizes the mother, he will feel the pain she received, which is a blow in the stomach (whereas his own was on his head and heart); if he dramatizes the father, he will be in trouble with society, to say nothing of his own wife and children.

And so our Hubbardian everyman stumbles through life, unaware that his unhappiness can be sourced to the words of an argument that occurred while he was the size of a pea in his mother’s womb.

We know from many previous examples that this is the basics of Dianetics, Vance, but it still amazes us that anyone took this idea seriously.

VANCE: Yeah. It amazes me too, and yet I did take it seriously. After I left, I concluded that the only way I could save face and not suffer enduring self-loathing was to realize that I worked very hard to make sense of Hubbard’s take on reality. So I proceeded to realize exactly that. Anyhow, here are couple of things that helped me feel a little comfortable with the wackiness while I was in. First, Hubbard claimed that engrams were more like insentient recordings than memories. So, he wasn’t claiming that knocked-out fetuses could understand the words being spoken in their vicinity. Rather, a person would have to learn language before the word content of engrams would have any hypnotic effect. That seemed plausible to me. (Don’t worry, it no longer does.)

Also, Hubbard theorized several possible causes of most maladies. So, for example, chronic saddies as an adult could come from the word content of prenatal engrams (“I’m sad”), from the raw emotional content of those engrams or from “painful emotion engrams” (i.e., traumatic losses in life). According to Hubbard, these traumatic losses are what sequester and seal up a person’s life force. In English, people who experience crappy events tend to be sad. This explains why children are happy and adults are miserable: an accumulation of losses and disappointments. That seemed pretty intuitive as a general, though not absolute, truth. But Hubbard went on to claim that prenatal engrams provide the foundation upon which painful emotion engrams rest. Get rid of the prenatal engrams and emotionally painful events would no longer stick with a person. In other words, well-audited individuals would spring back much more quickly from emotional setbacks. In theory. Well, it sounded promising. But more importantly. I was sad and wanted help with that. For me, I suppose it was a combination of incentives, an ability to self-deceive and hangups about taking drugs. Either way, happiness is something that, arguably, is always real. In other words, delusion-based happiness is happiness. In other words, reality is for people who can’t handle Scientology.

THE BUNKER: We’ll just point out one more example from this short chapter. To illustrate how powerful and resilient engrams are, Hubbard — ever fascinated with pregnancy — suggests that morning sickness is a psychosomatic condition resulting from an engram that is passed down from generation to generation because of things that pregnant women say aloud and which is heard by their unborn.

He hypothesizes that this chain of vomitous hypochondriac suggestion may have gotten started when some woman in the primordial past happened to get food poisoning while she was pregnant.

So, for thousands of years, women have been passing on to each other the idea of being sick while pregnant because of the things they blurt out while nauseous, and morning sickness is not caused by the things actually happening to a woman’s body.

Having never given birth, Vance, we’re thinking it might be best to allow our commenters to give us their thoughts on this one.

VANCE: I’m with you on that. Let’s leave that one to the crowd.

Next week — Word To Your Mother: Dianetics And Its Lack of Boundaries

 
——————–

Get Your Soul Duds Ready!

We were going to save this wonderful flier for Sunday Funnies, but then Mike Rinder went ahead and put it on his blog, ruining our plans. That so-and-so!

Anyway, we can’t imagine what a fun time it’s going to be when people gather at the Inglewood facility to hear a brother from the Nation of Islam explain to them why they should give donations so Scientology can refurbish a building in the San Fernando Valley. That’s going to be some speech!

 
WeGotYourBack

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on May 23, 2013 at 07:00

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If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, please e-mail our webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

 

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  • John P.

    IMPORTANT: Today is Tony Ortega’s 50th Birthday!

    Several weeks ago, I received an unusual invitation: be at a certain five-star restaurant in the swank Upper East Side of Manhattan. We in Global Capialism HQ receive such invitations all the time. Unusual for such invitations were the conditions: no changes to the date/time, be prepared for a surfeit of fine wine to be consumed. Because it’s a small gathering, only one supermodel was allowed – I had to leave the usual entourage at home (and Supermodel #1 jetted off Tuesday to Maui on some sort of emergency fashion magazine cover shoot because Kate Upton had a hangnail or a zit so I ended up going stag).

    Upon arriving via clandestine means, I discovered that I was meeting Tony Ortega, ace legal analyst Scott Pilutik, legendary ex-Scientologist Kate Bornstein, and several other members of Tony’s inner circle (who must remain nameless) for a celebration. I discovered that I was the sole representative of the Underground Bunker commenter community invited to what turned out to be Tony’s 50th birthday. Though the celebration was last night, Tony’s actual birthday is today, so you can join me in wishing him a happy birthday on his special day.

    The discussion touched on many subjects, though, of course, continually returned to Scientology. Though I’ve been sworn to silence, Tony talked about some of the stories that will be coming up soon on this site, and there are more than a few doozies in the pipeline. Stay tuned for some really incredible breaking news and some investigative reporting that, when revealed to me, left me in stunned and delighted silence!

    After much wine and good food, the evening was topped off by a visit to the actual Underground Bunker, located nine floors beneath the streets of Manhattan. I met all of the cats, got to touch the keyboard of the computer from which springs all of Tony’s reporting, inspect the rows of high-octane journalistic rocket fuel (gin and many fine single-malt scotches among them), and even to thumb the pages of the Nutterpedia (lavishly illustrated biography of cult founder L. Ron Hubbard), paying particular attention to the “Ron the Tomato Molester” volume. I had a great time, though I am paying the price this morning for kicking off several rounds of toasts to honor Tony and his work this morning, but wanted to say what Tony and his work have meant to me.

    I discovered Tony’s colum about a year and a half ago when researching Scientology for a personal project. I was immediately hooked because it was the only consistent source in the world for breaking news reporting on Scientology, and one of only two reporting teams (with Tobin & Childs of the Tampa Bay Times) doing deep investigative reporting on the cult. And, of course, when the schedule (and the yachts or jets are in Internet connection range), I get up early on Sundays to read the flyers that represent the unintentionally hilarious side of this dangerous cult.

    I admire Tony for his prolific output, able to keep his finger on the pulse of his subject and to get interviews with everyone that matters. Yesterday’s story was a case in point of what makes Tony a great journalist: unlike all the other networks and wire services doing cookie-cutter coverage of the EEOC lawsuit against cult chiropractor Dennis Nobbe, Tony actually took the time to call up and interview the lead government attorney filing the case. That thoroughness in talking to sources at the center of the story is something missing in the deadline-driven world of news today. It’s old-fashioned journalism at its finest.

    I also admire Tony for building a community of thoughtful, intelligent (and extremely funny people) who have been attracted to his work and who offer up amazing insight, deeply moving personal stories of how their lives were touched by this cult, and who are hysterically funny. People at Global Capitalism HQ are now used to my breaking into laughter in our normally deadly serious surroundings when I read comments during slow moments of the trading day. I have enjoyed the repartee I have with many of you. And all of the fun I have with you in the middle of my life filled with intense, single-minded highly focused overachievers helps keep me sane as I make the money that fuels the Global Capitalism HQ lifestyle with the yachts, jets, waterfront estates and all the trimmings. That this community exists is a tribute to Tony, not just because of the stories he files now almost invariably at least once a day, but because his sense of ethics (real human ones, not the upside-down perversion of the concepts from the cult) has attracted lots of like-minded people from all over the world. I’ve made a lot of new friends thanks to Tony’s work, some in real life, some still only over the Net, and Tony and all of you have helped lighten up my otherwise laser-focused life.

    Happy Birthday, Tony! As someone who passed that milestone not that long ago, I can tell you that 50 really is the new 30. I wish you the best in your ongoing adventures and am thankful for the work you do in exposing Scientology with high-quality journalism. And I’m thrilled to be a member of the unique global Internet community of commenters that you have created that I get to play with every day.

    ——

    Incidentally, Kate Bornstein is looking good and her cancer treatments are nearly concluded. She has been getting the best care in the world, spending more time in the last few months flying in private jets than I have to a world-famous cancer facility where she is responding well to treatment. Kate remains visibly moved and delighted at all the support from her well-wishers and admirers; the outpouring of emotional support and financial generosity is overwhelming to her. It was great to see her in fine form, telling stories about life on the Deck Force on the ol’ rust bucket Apollo and other stories of the early days of Scientology that she personally witnessed. Every time I meet Kate it is a remarkable occasion. For those of you not familiar with her work, which makes a difference in the lives of not only the LGBT kids who she serves directly in her work, but also in helping everyone to remember to be compassionate to each other, a good lesson even to flaming heterosexuals like me.

    • Missionary Kid

      “…flaming heterosexuals like me.” reminds me of a friend of mine who used to declare, “I’m just a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.”

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I understand this completely! I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body with a eyeliner obsession.

        Kind of like a shorter, fatter, whiter RuPaul!

        • FLUNK_101

          You forgot something, BTN … you’re a VERY TALENTED gay man trapped in a woman’s body!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            You have heard my rendition of un bel di vedremo?

            • FLUNK_101

              Isn’t RuPaul a tranny? The thing I like about you is you’re so intelligent and creative, but in different ways … both verbally and visually … you’re not so much like RuPaul, more a cross between Michael Musto and Warhol … and if I were a lesbian trapped in a man’s body, can I be Camille Paglia?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Camile Paglia it is!

              Musto x Warhol….hmmm Ok.

              Actually, Warhol and I kinda look alike!!!

            • camille paglia …LOL ..you are so cool nuts

            • Karen715

              RuPaul is a drag queen, not a transwoman. AFAIK, he identifies as a man when not performing, and in fact, will not dress up in female drag unless he is being paid. And, FYI, these days, “tranny” is considered a slur in the LGBT community.

            • FLUNK_101

              If “tranny” is in fact considered a slur, then I stand corrected. (meant no disrespect.)
              And, FYI, I am very familiar the the subjects of biological gender, gender identity and sexual orientation.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              I think it may depend on who is saying it and in what context.

              There are many words that I’m not allowed to use in polite society given my role as a genocidal old-fart cracker.

              Which is hard because like Stephen Colbert I have evolved beyond such concepts. To me everyone is an oversized, bitter hulking life form out to rule the galaxy.

              Then again … that could just be my mother-in-law …..

      • richelieu jr

        So interesting that some of you seem to know each other IRL…

        I jave trouble imaginign what you would all be like… I wonder who knew whom in the ‘Church’ and out, etc… Anyways i enjoy knowing you here! Still hoping to make it to the BBQ this summer, but it’s looking less likely with the bébé…

        • Missionary Kid

          I know nobody on this list IRL, except for some I’ve contacted off list. 😉

    • Missionary Kid

      Thank you, John for expressing the admiration that all of us have for Tony and his work.

    • FLUNK_101

      Happy Birthday Mr Ortega. I’ve never been as addicted to a blog as I am to yours. You rock, my friend. Enjoy your birthday. Have a good one!

    • FistOfXenu

      Happy birthday, Mr Ortega. And many more to come. And thanks for your work against $cientarCONon.

    • Truthiwant

      Happy birthday to you, Tony Ortega. I will toast to you this evening with a good Italian wine.

      • richelieu jr

        Wait a minute, I am confused– which is it? A good wine or an Italian, one?

        • Truthiwant

          Oh dear!! Now we are going to get in to a big argument. If I’m not wrong, you are French and I have heard somewhere that you also make wine. Am I right?

          • richelieu jr

            Well, I am French, but I don’t really make wine- Much like the Italians… 😉

            • Truthiwant

              A Frenchman with the irony of an Englishman!
              No, I cannot accept such an insult!

              I challenge you to a Gentleman’s Duel.

              You may choose the weapons but I have the choice of location and I choose a duel in front of Big Blue, tomorrow at noon.

            • richelieu jr

              We shall throw smelly cheese at eachother.
              You however are limited to one Italian one..

              To wit: Parmesan.

              My arm of choice? l’EPOISSE!

            • Truthiwant

              This is unfair of you. No Gentleman would choose Epoisse!

              I throw down my gauntlet and choose two year old smelly Gorgonzola!

            • noseinabk

              Since this duel will be on American soil may I suggest:

            • BuryTheNuts2

              You people are killing my diet willpower!!!
              I might as well go down to the corner shell gas station and get some deep fried chicken gizzards and a big can of spray cheese that I can knock down like it was whipped cream!

              I just gained five pounds reading this thread!
              Can’t you people duel with brocoli?

            • Truthiwant

              Broccoli is not a Gentleman’s weapon. How dare you!

            • Missionary Kid

              Broccoli sounds like a Python weapon.

            • Truthiwant

              Monty Python use Spam.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Spam? Yummy.

            • Missionary Kid

              Broccoli and Spam?

            • Truthiwant

              I speak for myself and for my noble enemy, Monsieur Richelieu, that canned cheese is not an accepted weapon in our countries.

            • aquaclara

              That, my dear friend, is the pride and joy of residents of the fine city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the largest consumers of Le Whiz and the home of Benjamin Franklin, lover of all things French.

              M. Franklin, along with M Tony Luke and M. Joey Vento, would be deeply saddened to hear that this fine cultured cheese product would be used in such an unacceptable manner…Now, a New York State Cheddar would do well for your dueling purposes, as this is a much less acceptable cheese – and never used on finer cheesesteaks.

            • John P.

              I am staying out of the fray, but if I were asked what my doomsday cheese of choice in this battle might be, I would name Limburger.

              Actually, I recall buying a small wheel of Cowgirl Creamery Red Hawk at the Ferry Building gourmet shop in San Francisco a couple years ago before heading to the airport and getting on the jet. I gave it to the flight attendant to serve for lunch. Apparently, it had gone off because the entire plane instantly reeked of rancid sweat socks. It’s bad enough to be trapped in a jumbo jet with a smell like that, but to be trapped in a much smaller private jet is near fatal. If not for the sheer aeronautical ignorance, I could almost have emulated another well-known capitalist who wondered last year why airplane windows don’t open for better ventilation: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/mitt-romney-wants-to-know-why-airplane-windows-do-not-open/2012/09/24/1fdf30be-068c-11e2-a10c-fa5a255a9258_blog.html

            • Missionary Kid

              Try being in a pressurized plane when a kid gets sick. We couldn’t land fast enough.

            • “Le fromage corse” (Corsican cheese) is the strongest I have ever smelt.

            • Truthiwant

              Another French cheese! Two against one! What rules do you use?

            • Truthiwant

              Mit Romney knows nothing about Gentleman’s duelling.

              This is a seroius matter and must be left to Old World rules.

              With all respect, Mr John P, maybe you should think about a little more courtesy to your next door neighbours, the Canadians, instead of intervening in social matters that you do not understand!

            • Captain Howdy
            • BuryTheNuts2

              Neither do most of the tranny’s I have ever met or known. In fact, they use the shit outta the word.

            • Truthiwant

              Don’t quite get that one.
              I was referring to a funny comment that John P made about not understanding the Canadian’s English!

            • Captain Howdy

              Sorry, my comment should have been directed at Karen175. I’m more messed up than usual today. Sometimes my actions are as “dopey” as anything a scilon would do.

            • richelieu jr

              Watch it- Epoisses is, no joke, my very favourite cheese
              (but OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS DOES IT SMELL!)

            • Truthiwant

              Stilton is the preferred cheese of the English and Gorgonzola is the preferred cheese of the Italians. Both smell like a tramp’s socks but nothing, I repeat, nothing can beat your stinky Epoisses.

              With great regret, I humbly offer my most sincere apologies and with remorse I say ^Vive le smellie Epoisses^

            • richelieu jr

              Apology accepted, Mon ami!

              Someday I may even share the story with you of how I ate my first époisses! It is the stinkiest Christmas story ever!

            • Truthiwant

              J’accepte.

              I can also relate a few pongy stories of Gorgonzola that even the dogs would not go near!

            • richelieu jr

              🙂

            • sugarplumfairy

              Woohoo!! A Big Bleu Cheese fight!

            • sugarplumfairy

              My Volpicella ancestors resemble that comment..

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              Did you forget an “h” in whine? Or am I thinking of a different French stereotype?

            • Captain Howdy

              Hee-Hee… apparently France has commemorated a statue of the famous headbutt by Zidane on the Italian at the 2006 World Cup.

            • richelieu jr

              That guy is such an idiot! Even at the height of his fame, after we won the World Cup, everybody on Les Bleues was getting endorsement deals out the wazoo, and he endorsed Leader Price, which is a chain of reduced-price grocery stores.. Don’t get me wrong, I kind of like some of their products, and poor folks have got to eat too, but c’mon! It would be like a big AMerican star (at that time, Zidane was arguably the biggest) choosing to endorse (I am now realizing it has been too long since I’ve lived in the States) Target, or something…
              And that head-butt! What an idiot! SO he said something about your mom, how old are you? 12? You are paid lots (though, it must be said, exponentially less than US sports stars) specifically to keep your cool and play well, and then you ruin everything for that? Aiiiiieee!
              (True Story: My mom used to call Target ‘Tar-zhay”, lie it was a French word; It used to embarrass the hell out of us when we were kids…)

    • Sidney18511

      John P….that was a beautiful heartfelt tribute and you spoke for all the bunkerets.

      Tony…congrats on making it to the big five-O. Happy birthday Tony Ortega, happy birthday to you.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Tony O, We all wish we could have joined you and John P and your other compatriots for a hearty toasting to your 50th year. If we had known, we would have at the very least gone exterior last night and joined the party at the restaurant on the Upper East Side. It would have been a crowded table! Know that you are valued and wished well. I think John P, as always, articulated beautifully what many of us feel.

      John P, thanks for YOUR reporting! “Stay tuned for some really incredible breaking news and some
      investigative reporting that, when revealed to me, left me in stunned and delighted awe!” Oh, how you tease us!

      Thrilled to hear about Auntie Kate! So glad she is doing well! I still return to the donation site and also look at her picture–I do admire her joie de vivre in that shot.

    • elar aitch

      Hear, hear. Thank you for reminding me what good company I keep while partaking of this guilty obsession.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Wonderful post and thank you for letting us live vicariously through you.
      Happy Birthday Tony O.

      Now, about the doggie bag????????????????????????????????

      • FistOfXenu

        I’m more interested in the doggie bottle.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          FOX, you are a man after my own heart!

          • FistOfXenu

            We should have an overflow party for Tony. Or several. Wherever we are tonight we should go out and celebrate his birthday. Much eating and drunken revelry and singing to the absent Tony Ortega will end this night.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I agree! And it is a great excuse for grapefruit martinis!!!

            • Observer

              I’ve taken the day off work in Tony’s honor. I didn’t know it was in his honor at the time, which leads me to take this as absolute proof that SP sooper powerz exist.

    • great update …wish i could have been there! happy birthday tony , happy life day kate 😉

    • Marta

      Happy Birthday, Tony!

      Thank you, John P.

    • FistOfXenu

      Photos please. We want photos.

    • EnthralledObserver

      Happy Birthday, Tony… may there be many more!
      Thanks for representing us all so eloquently, John P… all Tony would have gotten out of me would have been an embarrasing and boring fan squee…

    • Captain Howdy

      “Another candle on your cake
      Well there’s no need to pout
      Be glad that you have strength enough
      To blow them all out!”

      Happy Birthday Tony!

      Thank you John P.

    • African Princess

      Happy Birthday Tony!!! Have a wonderful day and a great year ahead (tick tock DM). Thank you for all you do – and for the community you have created here. Sending best wishes from across the world.

      Thank you JohnP for your great post and regular commentary – a must read. And thank you to all the Bunkerites who have contributed to my addiction to the Bunker. My day is not complete without you.

      PS… I am SO sorry JohnP!! The down arrow was me!!! I wasn’t concentrating. 😀

      • Truthiwant

        If you click again on the down arrow or click on the up arrow, the down arrow should cancel itself out.

        • African Princess

          YAY! Thank you! Much relieved! 🙂

    • Observer

      I know you represented us well, John P!

      And a very happy birthday, Tony. Thanks for all you are doing.

      • FistOfXenu

        Sounds like he even got a hangover for us. 😛

        • BuryTheNuts2

          I especially appreciate that hangover part!

          I think I will skip the subconscious assimilation of that particular remnant of the birthday party.

          • Is that restimulating some engrams?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Always!!!

          • FistOfXenu

            Yup. John P made that sacrifice for us. Thanks John.

    • SciWatcher

      As ever, eloquently said, JohnP! Happy Birthday Tony! Thanks for all you do!

    • Vistaril

      Happy Birthday, TonyO, and thanks JohnP for voicing this village’s sentiments.

    • InTheNameOfXenu

      Thanks John for that wonderful announcement. Happy 50th Tony! Your blog is the highlight of my mornings. First thing I do when I log onto my computer at work is checking your website for new updates of the world’s most destructive cult, $cientology.

    • aquaclara

      Disqus ate my first version, so let me try again. Thanks, John, for the great recap of the party, and for expressing all that we indeed feel about Tony’s reporting. You have a gift with words in addition to stats, and said this far, far better than I could have. In the finest of Irish traditions, here is a lil wish for you today: “May memories be strong and the hangover light.”
      And I appreciate the update on Kate. I’ve never met her, but she has made a huge impression on me, and I wish her all the very best.
      Thanks!

      • sister wendy

        me too! Happy Birthday- and thanks for the great update, John P!

    • You are, of course, making us all extraordinarily jealous– not of the yachts and supermodels that come with your gig (but do you happen to have any job openings? just asking) but of getting such an invitation.

    • richelieu jr

      Joyeux Anniversaire, Tony!

      Only 999,999,999,9950 years left to go in your Billion Year Bunker Contract!

      Don’t go basking in the warmth of the Van Allen Belt any time soon, please! We need you here!

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      Tremendous comment, thank you!!

    • And I don’t rent cars!

      Thank you for expressing these heartfelt sentiments so beautifully and eloquently. Instead of up and down arrows, I wish Disqus had ditto marks so we could click on those to signify that we are in total agreement with you and could not possibly add anything else to your exquisitely lovely comments.

      I am sure your dittos would also have 70+ votes, and climbing, as well.
      (Oops, pardon my double entendre! You know us French people up north of the 49th parallel… )

      • noseinabk

        Ditto!

    • sugarplumfairy

      Happy Birthday, Tony!! And John P, I missed super model status by at least 8 or 9 inches, but next time you need a last minute stand-in for something awesome like that, the fairy will flit right over..

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Ahem!

      Tony forgot to invite a certain someone to his birthday party…

      http://www.freedommag.org/sites/default/files/david-miscavige-freewinds-event.jpg

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        Don’t try to apologize now Tony.

        The damage has been done and COB has locked himself in his bedroom for the rest of the day and night!

        What kind of SP world do we live in when COB is not invited to the most important social gatherings?

        • Missionary Kid

          What kind of SP world do we live in when COB is not invited to the most important social gatherings?

          A better one.

      • John P.

        In a display of eminently fair reporting, Tony contacted Karin Pouw to invite Mr. Miscavige, but apparently he had 1,135 Ideal Org grand openings yesterday and was unable to make it, even via exteriorization. Apparently, the trip back from opening the Pangnirtung Ideal Org in that small hamlet on Baffin Island in the Canadian Arctic was delayed, preventing Mr. Miscavige from making it 3,000 miles south to NYC. It will be interesting to see what Karin’s press statement about this situation will reveal.

      • BosonStark

        He’s surrounded by a very ecclesiastical light, or is that some kind of theta phenomenon? He’s Scientology’s Brigham Young, but with less wives. He can’t find anyone at his level on the tone scale — “Serenity of Beingness with Sunbeams.”

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          David Miscavige is so full of Theta that it just oozes from him.

          • Missionary Kid

            Investopedia defines Theta as: A measure of the rate of decline in the value of an option due to the passage of time. Theta can also be referred to as the time decay on the value of an option.

            Yup, he’s in decline.

          • Bella Legosi

            Ewwww

            But, if that is the case……….where oh where do they get the oil for the oilyness table????? Please for the love of COB where does the oil come from, if not from the most ethical being in the Universe…….where?????

          • DodoTheLaser
    • Sandy

      Happy birthday, Tony

    • tetloj

      Currently 100 up arrows on this comment – is that the most ever? Oh – and one down arrow. Way to impact!

    • Bella Legosi

      haha

      103 up vs. 01 down

      😀 Have a great one Tony! You Sir deserve it! May the Cake be sweet and the times fun!

    • SP ‘Onage

      Thanks John P. 🙂

      Happy Birthday, Tony!

      I have followed you for 3 unbelievable years. Your combination of good sources, energy, humour, integrity, intelligence and style, makes you one of the brightest writers in the 21st Century. And you are a powerful writer who can yield enormous sway.

      You have mastered covering one of the most secretive, corrupt institutions on the planet and manage to nail stories no one else will because they are too intimidated. You’re fearless!

      And most of all you’re a shining light for those in dark despair, for those who have left scientology and for those who are thinking of leaving scientology.

      You truly have turned the Underground Bunker into a Safe house…for all of us. Thank you!

    • mook

      Happy bday Tony!

  • Missionary Kid

    Happy Birthday, Tony!
    You’re getting me up every morning at 4am here on the left coast to read your latest. May you continue with even more success in exposing the confidence game called $cientology.

    Thank you.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      You can get up at 4am?
      You must be an OT VIII!

      I can only do that if I have to catch a plane and then I am NOT happy about it.

      • Missionary Kid

        Actually, I’m OTMCMXLIV, which, as a wog, puts me way ahead of LRH and DM.
        P. S. I nap.

        • richelieu jr

          Well, I don’t know what that means but it’s better than the new level after OTVII- OT-SCOHB!

          Scientology will bring you to your knees!

          • Missionary Kid

            I picked the year in which I was conceived.

  • DukeOfChug

    “Our old friend Jeff Jacobsen has criticized us for not doing more in this series to explain that L. Ron Hubbard inherited many of his ideas from previous writers.”

    That would include Volney Mathison, from whom LRH got the E-meter, auditing past lives, and the Tone Scale.

    See for example “How to Achieve Past Life Recalls”:
    http://www.lermanet.com/members/volney-plr/VGMathison_PLR.pdf

  • DukeOfChug

    “Maternal impressions involve the effects on the fetus of sights that a mother witnesses, and they were a serious topic for discussion in medical journals until about 100 years ago. Some authors argued that a stimulus during and perhaps even before pregnancy that had a significant psychological impact on the future mother, such as the sight of a deformed individual, could cause a corresponding birthmark or birth defect on the child (Ballantyne 1891–1892, Dabney 1890, Drzewiecki 1891).

    “In the West, the concept came to be seen largely as superstition for two reasons. First, when it became known that the nervous systems of the mother and fetus were not connected and that their circulations were separated by the placenta, the fetus was regarded as sufficiently encapsulated to shield it from any temporary physiological and emotional disturbances its mother might encounter during pregnancy (Warkany 1959).

    “Second, during several months of pregnancy any woman may experience a large number of impressions. If her child is born with a birthmark or birth defect, she may then select a suitable impression to explain the defect. In other words, with a prevailing view that a fetus could not be modified by its mother, any apparent correspondences between maternal impressions and birthmarks or birth defects were explained as being due to chance.

    “Today, maternal impression is rarely discussed in modern medical journals other than for historical purposes. Some authors, however, have published reports that attempt to keep the concept alive as one that may have validity (Farkas & Farkas 1974, Stevenson 1992, Williams & Pembroke 1988).”

    From: Experimental Birthmarks: New Cases of an Asian Practice

    Jim B. Tucker, Division of Perceptual Studies, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, Virginia
    H. H. Juergen Keil, School of Psychology, University of Tasmania, Hobart

    http://scientificexploration.org/journal/prepub/jse_27_2_tucker.pdf

    • BosonStark

      You would think Dianutty would be relegated to the ranks of extra nutty quack history, wouldn’t you? Instead, since many clams don’t read it, they simply buy into the promise that it’s deeply meaningful/groundbreaking, to be in the club.

      Vance, with Tony’s help here, is the first person I’ve read that explains the mental gymnastics one has to go through to stomach the tripe of Hubbard’s lame ideas. It’s a little bit disturbing. I could read practically any best selling “spiritual” or pseudo science book today, and understand why it is popular or relate to some of the material, and I guess I can understand why Dianutty was popular in 1950, but today? Having people take “courses” in Dianutty, or carry it around bound in leather, as if it’s great wisdom.

      It’s neither contemporary or ancient — just caught in that hoaxy-baloney 1950 middle ground without even a good quote to pull out.

      • I have an even greater difficulty understanding the appeal of the Book of Mormon. Like Dianetics, it is tedious and implausible– and very much an artifact of its time; I can maybe understand somebody buying it in 1830, but now?

        • Missionary Kid

          I still have the copy given to me by some Mormon missionaries that knocked on my door. The book spends a huge amount of time in the beginning laying out the case the it is, indeed, the word of god.

          That much justification just led me to disbelieve it more.

          I’m not abrupt with them like the JWs, because a Mormon woman took very good care of my cantankerous, blind and nearly deaf father in his late 80s.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Oh yeah? Tell that to the Elephant Man!

      • FistOfXenu

        His mother went to a circus when she was pregnant?

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          FOX, according to the huckster who displayed the Elephant Man, his mother, while pregnant, was frightened and trampled by a rogue elephant. Hence his grotesque appearance and leathery skin. Fortunately, the elephant was unable to make any pithy comments like, “You’ve got to take it! By God, you’ve got to take it.” In fact, the elephant was apparently completely silent during the entire ordeal. A pity, in retrospect, as there was a possibility that the Elephant Man could have become the greatest trumpeter in history.

    • John P.

      Thanks for the academic perspective and history of the nonsense of maternal impressions. It makes a difference to debunking nonsense, whether from this cult or from anywhere else, to have either clinical studies or accurate historical perspective handy. So thank you for a nice job.

      Also, I love your user id!

  • Truthiwant

    I remember trying hard to recall a prenatal engram when I was being audited but I just
    could not find one for the life of me and it actually made me bitter. Everybody
    else was ranting on about past lives and having lived millions of years ago and
    there was stupid old me that couldn’t even go back in to my Mother’s womb and
    see if somebody had shouted at her while I was swimming around.

    Of course, all this nonsense is invention of the mind but when you are ‘in’ Scientology
    there is a blind acceptance of the technology and until that moment that you
    encounter a prenatal engram or a past life you don’t feel that you are a real Scientologist.

    I never found that prenatal engram and I never got as far as past lives to my good
    fortune but although I often felt like a fish out of water inside the Organization it still
    took me years to see the truth.

    • BosonStark

      Do you remember swimming around in a cylindrical pool with glass sides — maybe you were a test-tube baby? By the time you were implanted in the womb, your thetan was deaf from lab-talk and beaker clang.

      • Truthiwant

        Maybe I should return to Scientology and continue auditing with this new insight you mention!

        • Missionary Kid

          Only if your masochistic engram hasn’t been satisfied.

    • Observer

      That’s because your innate common sense was at cause over Hubbard’s blather, even when you were drinking the clam-aid. And it got you out of there too!

      • Truthiwant

        Ah, Observer, one of the best Photoshoppers on this part of the galaxy and the envy of RTC!
        I am still smiling at the one you did yesterday!

        • Observer

          I have never had so much fun with Photoshop in my life!

          • aquaclara

            how are you with balloons and confetti?

    • grundoon

      Isn’t there a special “rundown” they give to Scns who are unable to go whole track? Seems I’ve heard that a Scn who can’t be made to go whole track, is liable to be labeled NCG (no case gain) and kicked out as “suppressive.”

      • Truthiwant

        Yes you’re right.
        I only got as far as Clear so the past lives thing was not essential. However, I have a silly story to tell about that experience.
        If somebody is going as far as OT3 and can’t go back in time then they have a special rundown that basically makes them see things of the past. Crazy, no?
        On the other hand, how can the Organization make any more money out of you if you don’t go Whole Track?

  • FLUNK_101

    Wow. Thank you Tony for your link to “The Hubbard is Bare.” The Hub liked to rip off other writers, that’s for sure!
    After “Dianetics,” Hubbard wrote “Science of Survival.” It’s all about his notorious “tone scale.”
    I think he got this from Charles Darwin.
    Darwin organized his ideas about emotions and how they govern behavior by explaining emotions in terms of APPROACH and AVOIDANCE. (Hubbard called it “REACH and WITHDRAW.”)
    Happiness, ranging in arousal from ecstasy to serenity, encourages approach.
    Fear, from terror to apprehension, encourages avoidance.

    Darwin said there are subtypes of emotions, in varying intensities, that mediate both “approach” and “avoidance”:
    Surprise – from amazement to distraction
    Disgust – from loathing to boredom
    Sadness – from grief to pensiveness
    Anger – from rage to annoyance

    Darwin also noted that emotions can “blend” to form new feelings:
    “awe,” from a mixture of fear and surprise;
    submission, from fear and trust;
    love, from trust and joy.

    Darwin’s concept is multi-faceted and complex. Emotions are NOT mutually exclusive. They mediate each other. They even blend together to form new emotions.
    But, for a plagiarist like Hubbard, it would have been easy enough to look at that, over-simply it, and come up with something as one-dimensional as “The Tone Scale”: grief, fear, anger, boredom, etc.
    Let me explain what I mean when I say the tone scale is “one-dimensional”: There’s the vertical dimension of up and down, but there’s no side to side, no back and forth … it almost suggests the mindset of a drug addict, or someone with bi-polar disorder – it’s all “ups and downs.” Scientologists are chasing the vertical dragon!

    • FistOfXenu

      “Scientologists are chasing the vertical dragon”

      True but that’s okay. The genius Hubbard allowed for that by making the bridge vertical too.

    • John P.

      Nice Steely Dan reference there, since they have a song that talks about chasing the dragon, called “Time out of Mind,” off the Gaucho album: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G1tRCfMNxc

      • Ze Moo

        I thought ‘chasing the dragon’ was a metaphor for heroin use?? “The Royal Scam” is one of the best albums of all time. All hail Becker and Fagen… They are touring again this summer….yeah….

        • FLUNK_101

          Isn’t the song “Time Out of Mind” about Walter Becker’s experiences with heroin?

          • John P.

            That is the generally accepted interpretation among the rabid Steely Dan fan community, yes. Many of the songs from the Royal Scam-Aja-Gaucho period have references to either chemical adventures (“Kid Charlemagne” being among the most obvious), to tawdry flings with either hookers, underage lovers or even underage hookers or a doubly skeevy mixture of drugs and illicit love.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        The song on Royal Scam, when dedicated to Scions, should be called “Mind Out of Time.”

      • FLUNK_101

        Very perceptive.
        Yes, I was thinking of you … and when I used the phrase “magnum opus,” too … I’m stealing your licks!

    • “awe, from a mixture of fear and surprise”and a fanatical devotion to the Pope! (sorry, can’t help myself)

  • FistOfXenu

    So you got that straight now, women? There’s no such a thing as morning sickness. Some prehistoric woman got food poisoning when she was pregnant and all you whingy women have been bitching and moaning about it ever since. And the more you throw up and then bitch about it the more you’re helping the problem spread. So really it’s all in your head and it’s all your fault. Understand?

    Hell fire on a stick! Could Hubbard have been any more stupid if his brain was packed in dry ice?

    • BuryTheNuts2

      In other words, reality is for people who can’t handle Scientology.

      ^^^I am good with this!

      • FistOfXenu

        Yup. I think reality is a great substitute for $cientarCONon. In fact I think reality’s a great antidote for it too. The reason LRH and DM and their thug henchmen and their favorites like TC are so brain poisoned by $cientarCONon is they’re insulated from the antidote.

    • Observer

      And yet he married not once, not twice (he said it himself, he never had a second wife), but THREE times.

      Perfectly understandable. What woman could resist a man with smooth self-talk like “You are as sensitive and sexy as Pan. Lord help women when you begin to fondle them.” (from the Admissions)

      • Zana

        Yuk. And who has rotting teeth and a big egg-like bulge on his forehead. Yuk.

      • richelieu jr

        Yes, what woman could resist? Interestingly all his wives blew, and not in the good way…

        For ol’ L Ron keeping a wife was like quitting smoking for Mark Twain, he’d done it a thousand times…

        As Tom Lehrer said, “I’d rather marry a duck-billed platypus…”

        Well, why choose? You can have a duck-billed liar-puss… (caged baby not included. Pay the ransom and you can bill the duck later.)

        • Observer

          The first two left. #3 stuck around till the bitter end, and went to federal prison as a reward.

      • Bella Legosi

        Goddamn could you imagine the fights Hub and Mary Sue must have had during their marriage?

        OMG I think my mind has been blown 50 ft outta itself! This topic is just too ripe for jokes and shoops!

        • DodoTheLaser

          No, Bella. It was all perfect ARC and KRC only.
          Even when Mary Sue went to federal prison for infiltrating US Government,
          under Ronaldo’s orders, while he was in hiding, enjoying KFC’s taste and look.

    • ParticleMom

      My ex didn’t believe in hormones. He thought the morning sickness was all in my head. Come to think of it, he lacks logic and is easily swayed. He would have been a great Scientologist.

    • Bella Legosi

      I am pretty sure they dropped the package and played a round of soccer (I would say football but it denotes the wrong visual*) before packing in dry ice FoX

  • BuryTheNuts2
    • John P.

      I am always up for a little Steely Dan interlude, and Kid Charlemagne is one of my favorites. However, I want to state that, even at our most imbibed last night, those in attendance at Tony’s birthday were anything but “day glow freaks who used to paint their face.”

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Which is exactly why it needed to be added to the mix!

        😉

      • FLUNK_101

        I remember once on rodeo you showed a different name than John P … it had the same number of syllables as “Kid Charlemagne” … I picked up my guitar and started singing:

        Get along,
        Get along John (fill in the blank)
        Get along John (fill in the blank)!

        • John P.

          Oddly, I had never noticed that my name has the same rhythm as the name “Kid Charlemagne” despite having had “The Royal Scam” album on my turntable perhaps 1,000 times in the last 35 years. Thank you for that odd little discovery!

  • Truthiwant

    Scientology as we all know has an extended nomenclature that is often very difficult to
    understand, particularly for a newcomer to this site, so I have tried here to
    clear up some of the terminology.

    The definition of a ‘pre-Clear’ is an individual that still has his bank account.

    The definition of a ‘Clear’ is an individual that has been cleared of his bank account.

    The definition of an ‘OT’ is an individual that has been cleared of his bank account and is
    now asking a fellow Scientologist for a loan.

    The definition of ‘Auditing’ is the process by which the pre-Clear is helped to be cleared
    of his bank account.

    The definition of ‘IAS’ is an individual or group that, after a parishioner’s auditing session, helps
    that parishioner to polish off any money that he has been hiding. The IAS often find
    that the parishioner has been holding back on money that was asked for by the
    Registrar and it is the job of the IAS to discover and take possession of that money.

    The definition of ‘Affluence’ is a short lived moment in a parishioner’s life. It is
    something that is immediately discovered by the Organization and in particular
    the IAS. The parishioner is literally mobbed by these individuals day and night
    until the ‘Affluence’ has changed hands.

    The definition of a ‘Suppressive Person’ or ‘SP’ is a parishioner that, after
    having donated his life’s savings to the Ideal Org Project, has no funds left over
    for the IAS and hence is of no more use to the Organization.

    The definition of an ‘Ashtray’ is an item used in training that receives unlimited
    shouting and abuse from a Scientologist.

    The definition of ‘Public’. There is no real definition of ‘Public’ except these
    are the people that have the money and can be distinguished from the Sea Org
    members due to the fact that they don’t go around dressed like Admiral Lord
    Nelson. They are also not obliged to live on beans and rice.

    The definition of ‘Wog’ is a perfectly normal human being that is usually doing
    well in his chosen activity, is often happily married, enjoys life and has a
    bank account. Some ‘Wogs’ have been to the moon but no ‘Wog’ yet has been as
    far as Target Two.

    The definition of ‘COB RTC’ (The moderator for this blog did not accept the language used for this definition).

    I hope this is of some use.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Please tell me you are saving some of your defining posts like this to your blog!
      This is great stuff.

      • FistOfXenu

        2nd this, Truthiwant. This made me laugh so much I read it a couple of times just for the fun of it.

      • Truthiwant

        I’ll see what I can come up with!

      • elar aitch

        Hope the full length definition of COB RTC is there

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Love it! Where is your blog?

      • Truthiwant

        I have written some satirical short stories on Scientology which you can get here

        http://wp.me/s3a0JR-21

        and if you go to the index page you can get links to a couple more short stories. There you will also find a couple of a serious articles that I wrote about Scientology. If anybody reads Italian then there is a translated.version.

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          Thanks Truth!

    • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

      Can you also define:

      * Black PR (which sounds potentially racist)
      * OSA (is it a sister organization to the OSI from the $6m Man and Bionic woman)
      * Thetan (sounds like the Devil with a lisp)
      * Squirrel (which I assume is a rodent with good PR)
      * Theta/entheta … Which sounds like a place to go or be (e.g., “I want to go to Theta”or “Hey y’all, I’ll be en’Theta by supper time”
      * Bitter defrocked apostate (is this someone lost her frock or something that tastes bad”

      • Truthiwant

        We can work on this together. I think it’s about time a new Technical Dictionary was published!

        • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

          If I may be so bold … just read your three short stories. I have a suggestion for a fourth:

          Hubbard, in attempting to take revenge on Miscavige Jr. from story 3, tries to exteriorize along his whole-track and winds up as an engram in baby Xenu.

          Xenu, now infected by OT III and the Hubbard body thetan, goes on a galactic wide rampage trying to Clear himself by blowing up Tegeeack. Xenu’s one regret? Not knowing what coca-cola cans were and how they would have helped him be happier.

          Consider this a gift. Unless you get rich from it. In which case I’ll happily make you a Clear.

          • Missionary Kid

            To me, becoming clear would be like discovering I had herpes.

          • Truthiwant

            I wrote a fourth short story which you can get here

            http://wp.me/p3a0JR-5U

            Any royaltys from your idea we could eventually split 50/50 but don’t mention anything to the IAS!!

  • Men who hate woman then come up with a religion that subjugates them . Gee…that hardly ever happens ..oh wait ..nevermind

    • BuryTheNuts2

      “The woman responds: “Please don’t hit me again. Please don’t. I’m hurt. I’m hurt. I’m frantic with pain!”

      Kim, please give me your take on THIS one^^^
      I am frantic to hear your thoughts!

      • i am an irish/sicilian ex catholic from Boston who kicked her husband out of the house on mother’s day ~ if a man ever put his hands on me it just might be the last thing he ever did 😉

        • BuryTheNuts2

          🙂

        • FistOfXenu

          He burned the breakfast in bed and spilled the coffee?

          • oh honey ~ if he was burning ANYthing in the bedroom , he would still be here

            • Sherbet

              Well, Kim, you got custody of the sense of humor, and that’s a big plus for you.

            • thanks ~ humor , irony and sex ( working on the last one ..crossfit baby LOL )

        • Bella Legosi

          My Eskimo grandma used an iron skillet and then left my grandpa on the hard floor till he regained consciousness. That was the last time he put his hands on her.

      • richelieu jr

        What if the woman said, ‘Oh, hit me harder, that’s how I like it, Daddy!”?

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Take the electronic listening devices out of my bedroom RJ!!!

          • richelieu jr

            That’s no ‘electronic listening device’! That’s my ipod.
            I left it when I was hiding under your bed (#notcreepyatall)

          • grundoon

            You play blackjack in your bedroom?

        • sugarplumfairy

          Yah! And what if the woman kicks him (really hard) in the gonads with her knee, pokes him (really hard) in the Adams apple with her elbow, clobbers him (really hard) on the crown of his head with both elbows, kicks him again (really hard) in his hip with her booted foot and knocks him into next week? And yah, I’m still single..

          • FistOfXenu

            You do that before or after you make a funny face at him and blow raspberries?

            • sugarplumfairy

              After the face, right before the raspberries..

            • FistOfXenu

              Ah right. you’re still single all right.

          • richelieu jr

            When did you fairies get so violent!

            It’s like TInkerbell with a meth habit after 2 bad divorces and half bottle of Tequila!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Somebody has been to self-defense class!

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    Okay, so if LRH is supposed to be reincarnated back into a new meat body (we are all breathlessly waiting for this shoe to drop)… is he somehow exempted from the in utero travails of the new mother or does he repeat, lather, and rinse?

    I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

    • FistOfXenu

      Good question though. What if $cientarCONon officially IDs somebody as the return of LRH (as if DM will let that happen) and the kid turns out to be an even bigger jerkoff than Hubbard was? Or what if he turns out to be this totally suppressive kind of guy? Imagine if he grows up to be this big gay hard case that walks up to DM 1 day and punches the shit out of him? Or imagine if he grows up to be this really gentle peaceful guy and somehow he gets put in charge and then wants to reform everything, turn in the criminals and give away all the money?

      And if that sounds like I believe any of Hubbard’s Horseshit (TM), no, I’m just imagining if somehow they picked somebody to be the new Ron but they failed to turn him into the ultimate Ron clone?

      • Ze Moo

        DM knows the pitfalls of allowing anyone to assume the Lrooons cloak. Since absolute control over the clone is not possible, it won’t be done. It would be much fun to see someone try the ‘pretender to the throne’ scenario. Having someone to ask about pregnancy and past life
        ‘engrams’ alone would be worth the price of admission, as long as the price wasn’t your bank account and IRA or eternal servitude.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Hard to say. I do note that the “LRH Offices” set up in the Ideal Orgs invariably have a bottle of lotion and a box of tissue among the set dressings…er…I mean appointments. So they apparently know SOMETHING about LRH2. Or 17. Or 627 or 22,004 or whichever one it will be.

      • FistOfXenu

        Once they get enough oiliness tables up and running they’ll get rid of the lotion and add luxury paper towels next to the tissues.

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    The soul of Ethel Merman inhabits my cat. At least I always thought so…. but now I realize that it is because when she was in utero, mamma cat was owned by a show tune fanatic who played her records over and over. Thanks for clearing that up.

    • FistOfXenu

      Does your cat also have that hair ball engram? Do you know how that started? A prehistoric cat had food poisoning when it was pregnant, and as it was throwing up it kept saying “that hare is making me puke! that hare is making me puke!” because it ate rotting hare meat. As Ron told us the reactive mind is very literal and the kitten fetuses couldn’t tell the difference between hare and hair. And now all cats just think they have to puke because they swallowed hair when they groom.

      If you audit your cat for hair you can cure it. You may have to show pictures of hares and rabbits to restimulate her, just to help her understand what you’re trying to audit and why you’ve stuck extra thin e-meter cans into her intimate places.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        She does indeed! I am readying the Bugs Bunny cartoons as I type this. Hey, what is that kneading thing engram all about?

        • Missionary Kid

          The theory is that the kitten was weaned too early.

      • BuryTheNuts2
        • PreferToBeAnon2

          They grow ’em big in Clearwater!

        • aquaclara

          AWWW. Poor kitty.

      • Sherbet

        How much are you going to charge Prefer for that explanation and the advice to fix it?

        • FistOfXenu

          I’m not going to charge. I’m going to send her and her cat to Regging Officer. 😀

          • Sherbet

            If DDD’s cat is licking a plastic credit card, I believe Fluffy is a good candidate for regging, too.

            • FistOfXenu

              Cats are intuitive. They know when somebody needs auditing. Look who’s card it is for the answer then send them to the Regging Officer.

            • richelieu jr

              Interestingly enough, Reggy is a good candidate for fluffing, too. He’s getting a bit old to be working in the skin industry…

            • Sherbet

              Oh, you punster. 😉

            • John P.

              A rather sophisticated pun on many fronts for a guy who claimed as recently as yesterday to have relatively minimal comprehension of English. Not too many native speakers could pull off a riff like that.

            • richelieu jr

              I never said it was minimal, in fact I am quite proud of it..
              But I do admit that sometimes I am confused by some posts…

            • John P.

              Henceforth, I think I am going to have to classify a Frenchman saying “Je suis une grenouille simple qui ne comprend pas la nature complexe de la langue anglaise très bien” in the same category of statements as a guy showing up at poker night saying, “I don’t know much about poker, but hey, it’s just a friendly game, right?” When people say innocent stuff like that, one learns to hold on to one’s wallet with both hands and to be extra vigilant.

            • richelieu jr

              I am joost a leetle frog!

              What is dees ‘Wallet’ of wheech you ehr holdeeng onto?

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        If you can explain why my cat licks plastic for hours, you truly will be Mankind’s Greatest Friend.

        • FistOfXenu

          I can. But you’re not ready for that, it’s strictly upper level trade secrets religious doctrine and you’re not ready for it yet. 1st there’s this test you have to take. It’s called the Oxford Ball of String Analysis and it’s very scientific and clever and it can find all your ruins.
          Then I’ll send you to the Regging Officer and he can get you started up the curtain right away to fix your ruins and put you at cause over meals, naps, owners, and cat flaps.
          Once you’ve gone through the Wall of Water you’ll be able to develop powers and gain knowledge that you can only imagine. If I told you the answer to your question before you reach the Wall of Water you’d be so overwhelmed you’d probably get infectious peritonitis and die. Or you’d get worms. Or fleas. Or ear mites.

          So get your credit card out and head down there to the Regging Officer. The sooner we get you started up the curtain the sooner you’ll be on your way to being an Operating Tabby able to save the planet by disseminating Felintology.

          • aquaclara

            “Oxford Ball of String Analaysis.” Hehehe. you could make money off this sh*t.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            For this cat… worth it.

            Where do I sign up?

            • FistOfXenu

              Follow the sign to Regging Officer. And tell him you need to buy an extra course to word clear Regging Officer. 😛
              Just think, you’re about to be 1 step closer to becoming a genuine Operating Tabby, just like our many celebrity Cats, like Top Cat (he’s Big Feline #3) and Felix and Sylvester and Tom and so many more!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              You know, my cat is VERY attractive. Would Top Cat or Felix be interested in some one-on-one time? She likes shredded tuna, empty paper bags. and long naps. Really long naps.

            • FistOfXenu

              Sorry, they’re both Really Big Beings and she’d have to go through auditions and train quite a lot before she could be considered for either 1 of them. But she can go on the list and next time 1 of them is looking for a mate we’ll see. Meantime, make sure she’s on the curtain to total ceiling. Regging Officer is just down the hall. 😉

          • Truthiwant

            Fisty, 10/10!!

        • DodoTheLaser

          Did you try to feed it real food?

          I mean, my cat used to yawn every time it heard the bell.
          Was a mystery to me too.

          I think felines are simply creative in letting us know that they are ready for a snack.
          No joke.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Oh, she definitely does this when she wants to be fed. Than again, she always wants to be fed…

      • You need to have the cat make a clay model of a hare.

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          My cat wants to do “her business” in the clay. Perhaps she has had a run in with the likes of Scientology in a previous life.

          • FistOfXenu

            It’s well known to serious researchers that cats have an engram about clay. Felintology can help with that. But that’s upper level stuff and you and your cat aren’t on the curtain to total ceiling yet. See the Regging Officer.

        • FistOfXenu

          Thanks Disqus for making my answer to this disappear. wtf.

          • Disqus got a terrible engram from playing “peekaboo” as an infant.

        • FistOfXenu

          Don’t worry, clay models are part of word clearing for “cat” and “hair” and “hare”. It’s real straightforward stuff. It gets harder doing the TRs. The cat and especially the hare get real scared when you’ve been shouting at them and lifting them up and down for hours and hours.

          Don’t even ask how hard it’s been working out how to get the hare and cat to stay on the oiliness table.

          • And don’t bother trying to get your cat to say “Thank you!”
            Although some cats can say “Ack!” pretty well.

        • richelieu jr

          I trained my cat to make a hair model of Cassius Clay.

          It calls itself ‘Muhammed Golly” and will be appearing at the NOI shindig to help buy empty buildings for dead duck-billed racists…

        • richelieu jr

          FOr a second I confused “Felintology” with “Feeling-tology”, FoX!

          ‘Feeling-tology’ being, of course, where I hold onto two boobs until the needle floats…

          • FistOfXenu

            That actually made me laugh out loud. And my wife. We decided we’ll be using Feelingtology as our private code. And we need some feelingting. 😉

      • Captain Howdy

        ACK!

  • Racnad

    I wouldn’t have predicted Scientology and Nation of Islam working together. Can an alliance between Scientology and North Korea be far behind?

    • Missionary Kid

      $cientology = American North Korea

    • FistOfXenu

      Shhhh! DM’s big secret is the op to smuggle a class XII auditor into Kim’s palace with his e-meter and a set of the works of LRH. Once he gets Kim to do the personality test he’ll show him his ruins and promise him complete victory over the West once he gets up the bridge and gets his military up the bridge with him.

      Imagine that, the world’s 1st OT military, all shouting at ash trays. No doubt they’ll drill making their ash trays fly like bullets (since they can’t afford enough real bullets). “Hit target! Thank you! Come back! Thank you!” all while running back and forth on the practice range.

      Upside is if it succeeds we’ll finally see an OTVIII try to demonstrate his sooper powerz in the real world (when Kim tries to postulate the non-existence of the West). Bring popcorn.

      • richelieu jr

        He’s just needs three more short leaders to collect he whole set…

        Dollars to donuts he’s bidding on Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis (which was auctioned off as a ‘small shriveled-up object” art one point, a description that could just as easily describe DM’s heart, or L Ron’s own manhood.

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion announced today that the Church would expand its ties with North Korea. “Both the Church and North Korea share a similar philosophy of values and so this makes sense for both parties,” Delusion added….

        http://otviiiisgrrr8.com/2013/04/05/church-of-scientology-to-expand-ties-with-north-korea/

        http://otviiisgrrr8.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/cob-north-korea.png

        • Truthiwant

          I think the deal between C of S and North Korea was something to do with importing beans and rice from North Korea in exchange for High Tech Philosophy from Hemet.

          Did you read about the Ideal Org in Pyongyang?

          It’s a bit like the story of North Korean Motorways. Lots of hype but no traffic!

        • Captain Howdy

          Kim Jong-ill is actually the most prolific writer of all time, but the running dogs at Guinness refuse to recognize this for obvious reasons .

          • Bella Legosi

            Please tell me he has also been the prolific genius screenwriter in Hollywood! I heard his dad loved the movies. Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

          • for a second ..i thought i was busted …whew

  • EnthralledObserver

    Morning Sickness… now there is something I can say I am an expert on… from plentiful experience. Each pregnancy, of which there were five, I was sick (regularly vomiting) from about six weeks along all the way through to the birth. For us poor unfortunate afflicted Mummies, the sickness makes itself known sometimes before you even know you are pregnant, so it must be physical, not psychological…. that’s my two knuts worth and I stand by my wisdom gained.

    • Davka

      Yeah, seasick 24/7 for about 12 weeks – that’s how I remember it – if only it had been only in my head – I could have just knocked some sense into me!!!

    • VickiStubing

      You poor things! I was so fortunate to not have morning sickness, ever. Food aversions, yes. But I didn’t have to experience it to have a huge dose of empathy for those who did/do. Now, if ya wanna talk about sciatica, I can fill a couple of volumes.

      BTW, I’m frantic with pain (said no one, ever).

    • richelieu jr

      My girlfriend had sickness (all day-long sickness, not just the mornings by any means from the end of the first month until several days after the birth,a s well a something I had never known existed up until that point- ‘Hypersalivation’ which is a fancy way of saying she couldn’t stop drooling. It irritates her lips, embarrassed her in going out, forced her to carry a rag or a cup with her at all times.. Really, really horrible…

      • EnthralledObserver

        Yep… mine was ‘all day long’ sickness too… in fact, right before it was time to go back to bed I started to feel better… dulp! I learned to manage it with food (I felt sicker on an empty stomach in the later months – early months I was just sick all the time no mattter what)… now I have to work out how to lose all the extra weight it resulted in… double dulp!

  • Sherbet

    I love (not really) lrh’s simplistic cause-and-effect explanations. This happened, because that happened. Simple. Others have said that lrh’s theories were a product of his times, and I tend to agree, especially since women weren’t so assertive back then about their own bodies, psyches, and abilities. The charismatic speaker claims to have proven his “scientific facts” — even his most misogynistic cockmamie pronouncements — and the audience, even the women, accept it as gospel. The adulation of women is a scene right out of “The Master” and vice versa.

    • Missionary Kid

      Cause: LRH was an asshole thief.
      Effect: LRH produced asshole theories to steal money.

      • Sherbet

        I’m not sure it began that way. Cause: lrh was mentally ill and craved power. Effect: he developed theories that gave him power to steal money.

        • Missionary Kid

          Effect: he developed theories that gave him power to steal money and to make people broke and mentally ill.

          • Sherbet

            Bingo.

      • SciWatcher

        LRH stole assholes? That explains A LOT!

  • CoolHand

    Happy birthday Tony! I sincerely appreciate all that you do. You have played an integral role for me over the past couple of years as well, and I admire your journalistic integrity.

    • aquaclara

      Hey, Luke! Weren’t you doing a talk or presentation this week? Hope it went great!!! Updates R good.

      • CoolHand

        Aqua – that was Colin actually, who had one in Oklahoma yesterday, I believe.

        • aquaclara

          oops! I think we need a section of the bunker devoted to NN updates here. I miss too much, and look at what y’all are doing as very cool indeed. Blowing things up all the time!
          Hope he did well!
          Best to you!

  • Sidney18511

    My disqus is doing stunts today. It won’t pull up the comments. Maybe I should threaten it with the RPF.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      And my disqus takes its sweet time loading comments. So there’s a symmetry, anyway.

      • FistOfXenu

        Yup. disqus going haywire. It’s telling me about answers I received 3 months ago that it didn’t tell me about back then but it’s not working right for today. I think time isn’t at cause over time when Disqus gets involved.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Disqus is making all of us run around that damn pole and has been for two days.

          It is (disqus)ting I tell ya!!!

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Now I get this every time I try to pull up replies to my Comments:

      You don’t have permission to access /wp-content/cache/page_enhanced/tonyortega.org//2013/05/11/jon-atack-helps-us-remember-scientologys-religious-freedom-crusade//_index.html_gzip on this server.

      Additionally, a 500 Internal Server Error error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    And may I join in wishing a very happy Big 5-0 to T-O.

    Life begins at 40? Pfeh! It starts getting good right now!

    • stateofcircle

      I just turned 29 and it sucks. Everyone gets all yaaaaay and oooohhh i miss my 20’s… I can’t wait until I’m fucking 50 and have a house and a yard and a mortgage and a job that is actually somewhat commiserate to my immense schooling and experience and (hopefully?) good health insurance and a kid or two who will do the annoying things around the house that I don’t want to do and a sense of xenudamn security.

      Sorry, rant over 🙂

      Happy Birthday, Tony!

      • Still_On_Your_Side

        Your 30s can be everything your 20s weren’t. Imagine you are 90 looking back at you now. Wouldn’t a 90 year old think, “oh, I was so young at 29 (or 40 or 50 or 60 and so on), I wish I had appreciated it!” Don’t waste a minute mourning your years in the cult, you not only lose the benefit of your years now, but you give power to the cult. Sorry, don’t mean to lecture, but I have been where you are.

        • stateofcircle

          Thankfully I wasn’t in the cult…but I may as well have been, as I was pretty much “offloaded” (albeit by my own choosing) after breaking off my engagement from the sleaziest of sleezebags (if anyone ever wants to here the most despicable story ever involving hooker strippers, my white couch, used condoms, wall stains and lies, let me know!) and moving back to NY from Pittsburgh at the age of 23 with no job (having to quit the one I had to move), no money, no friends and paltry credit, after being pretty brainwashed by a certifiable sociopath. Thankfully the love life has greatly improved, but having worked in the mortgage industry for the entirety of my professional career and leaving that job in 2008 hasn’t boded very well…and living in the NY metro area with few connections isn’t exactly an awesome scene for getting a good job in my field having to compete with millions and millions people who are either more experienced than me and therefore better, or recent grads who are much cheaper than me. So, if any of you bunkerites need a marketing genius with a background in mortgages, healthcare or sports and nutrition, I’m available and eager! And I’m pretty good at what I do, if I do say so myself 🙂

      • SciWatcher

        Yeah, the thirties are way better than the twenties. I hated my twenties.

      • FistOfXenu

        Sorry but by the time you’re 50 there won’t be any such thing as jobs. People’ll be bartering needed services for pets to be eaten.

  • ThetaTomato

    Happy 50th birthday Tony! I’m not too far from that milestone myself.
    Have a Hendricks gin and tonic with a cucumber slice on me. It’s a little different but it’s great.
    Just keep those stories rolling in.

  • It is really just one of lifes mysteries that Tom Cruise turned fifty and lost his looks practically overnight. But our dear Tony gets more handsome every day. Send pictures birthday boy!

    • Observer

      TC’s equivalent of The Picture of Dorian Gray must have pooped out. lol

      • Sherbet

        I don’t know, got to be honest. TC has lots of faults…LOTS of faults…but he’s still an attractive man, snaggle tooth notwithstanding.

        • Observer

          I must respectfully disagree. I have never found him the least bit attractive.

          • Sherbet

            He does nothing for me and never did, but I can see the appeal of a pretty boy like him.

            • When he was huge and all my tween friends were salivating over him, I said he looks like a Ken doll. Still does. I don’t get the appeal.

            • Missionary Kid

              People often confuse roles with the actual person.

            • VickiStubing

              Amazing, isn’t it? ;D

            • Missionary Kid

              You’d certainly know that fact.

            • sugarplumfairy

              have you ever seen a Ken doll naked? =) just sayin..

    • elar aitch

      I got home the other night and dear hubby was watching Jack Reacher on cable – turncoat. I just marvelled at how they made him appear taller than Rosamund Pilcher.

  • claybonnyman

    Happy birthday, Tony, and thank you for the good work.

  • VickiStubing

    “And from Clearwater we have a request. This one’s dedicated to Mr. David Miscavige, King of the Semicolon.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M94ii6MVilw

    • BuryTheNuts2

      BAAHAAHAA

      • sister wendy

        did you ever see the people cheering when DM announced how many semicolons he’d cleared? it was unbelievable….

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Rabid maniacs!

    • sugarplumfairy

      Tiny fists is over fifty, right? Is he due for a semicolonoscopy?

  • Sherbet

    Happy Birthday, Tony, and I wish you many, many more of ’em. Keep writing, and keep fighting the Evil Empire. (Of course, when someone in Boston mentions the Evil Empire, they mean the Yankees, but, in this case, you KNOW who I mean.)

  • Observer

    I hope no pregnant Scientologists attend the “We Got Your Back” fundraiser. I shudder to think what kind of engrams the combination of Tony Muhammad and crush regging would implant in their offspring.

    • Sherbet

      Not to mention the visual of Stormy Stokes’ leather pants bursting at the seams.

    • elar aitch

      Scientlogy mothers giving birth to paralysed babies? Or babies with no courage?

  • Truthiwant

    Tony, your title pun for today’s blog is still making me cringe! It would go down along side the best at The Daily Mirror.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      It is giving me a Feshbach engram!

      • Sherbet

        Me, too!

    • Karen715

      It’s given me this earworm: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-hYRbnUyQ8
      “I’ve got no room to be happy, in a womb with a view of the blues”

      Now of course, thanks to BTN, I’m also picturing the Feshbach’s as I hum along. Mommy, make it stop!

  • aquaclara

    WE NEED SOME CAEK! IT’S TIME TO CELEBRATE!
    Wishing you a very happy 50th birthday, Tony.
    Thanks for all you do, and for letting me be a part of all of it.
    I hope this year brings you all that you wish for.

    • Sherbet

      Awesome cake! I’ll bet JT wishes he still had that hair, even if were made out of frosting instead of Magic Marker.

      • 1subgenius

        Funny you should say that. His current hair appears to be made out of frosting, or Magic Marker.

        • Sherbet

          I still say the Terl wig is an improvement over anything JT can sprout on his head these days. There’s nothing wrong with being bald or balding, but JT seems to think it’s necessary to pretend there are still traces of Tony Manero up there.

          • Zana

            His hair looks to me like outdoor carpeting in black, rather than green.

            • Sherbet

              Ha! I guess this means it will need to be vacuumed instead of combed.

          • richelieu jr

            There could be traces of Jimmy Hoffa up there under that wig for all we know…

            • Sherbet

              I’m not looking under it! You do it.

        • Missionary Kid

          Somehow, to me, it looks like he stole some of Mickey Mouse’s

      • richelieu jr

        Looks like the unholy love child of Travolta and Guy Smiley.

        • Sherbet

          Guy Smiley is a scientologist? I’m horrified!

          • richelieu jr

            Haven’t you seen that glassy stare?

            • Sherbet

              And he’s never seen without his “handler.” You’re smart, Cardinal R.

  • Wow! Number 2 Black Muslim Tony Muhammad Looking forward to hearing why Jews are minions of Xenu, and Europeans nothing but enturbulators. The Scn-NOI association still causes my head to explode!

  • Davka

    Oh yeah, forgot to sing! (cue music)

    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday dear Tony
    Happy Birthday to you!

    • Davka

      Down vote the Happy Birthday song? Really?

      • VickiStubing

        -sigh- Yes, because it’s for Tony. He’s probably #1 on the Tiny Tyrant’s hit parade. We love and respect Tony, and CoB is so jelly.

      • It’s a copyright violation to sing the Happy Birthday song. You know how insistent the CoS is about obeying intellectual property laws strictly.

        • Davka

          True 🙂

          But technically, I didn’t actually sing – it was a virtual representation! Yeah, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

  • Happy birthday, Tony! And thank you Mama Ortega, wherever you are, you done good!

  • Kitz

    Try #2, since Disqus ate my first try…

    Happy Birthday Tony! Thank you so much for your effort to educate and inform, and being a guide down this rabbit hole.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Um, I haven’t been to Englewood or the Valley in a few years, but even still…..REALLY?
    Let me get this straight…”The Valley” wants/needs help from Englewood?

    Have I been kidnapped by aliens who are injecting false experiences and perceptions?

    (Your welcome, to whoever grabs this bone)….

    • Missionary Kid

      Is that Englewood, which is in N.J., or Inglewood, which is in L.A.?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        LA, smart aleck!

        I always spell it wrong (among other things!)

        • dbloch7986

          It’s hard to spell “it” wrong…it’s only two letters.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I can do ti!

        • Missionary Kid

          That’s probably why you didn’t get any replies when you wrote “Englewood.”
          Now, you’ve awakened wise-ass Derek, so you’re in for it. 😉

          BTW, I’ve posted that the address for the “Co$ Inglewood Community Center” is not in Inglewood, but L.A.

          • dbloch7986

            For another smart ass comment:

            Inglewood is a community within the City of Los Angeles. For example, I live in El Sereno, which is technically Los Angeles, but you can put either on an envelope and it will still come to me.

            • Missionary Kid

              So are Highland Park, Westwood, etc. The difference is, Inglewood is incorporated as a separate city, as are Compton, San Fernando, and Santa Monica.

              Inglewood is several miles west of the location given. The address is in South Central L.A.

            • dbloch7986

              They’re basically the same thing, but I get your point.

              I guess “South Central Org” didn’t quite have the same ring to it…

            • Missionary Kid

              Actually, I was trying to find out if calling it “Inglewood” was common within Co$, or if it was just another poster footbullet mistake.

            • dbloch7986

              that’s the “official” church name. I remember when it was opened.

            • dbloch7986

              Also South Central and Inglewood both classify as “don’t be caught on the streets when the sun goes down” parts of LA.

            • Missionary Kid

              That’s kind of ironic, because for a black to be caught in Glendale after dark 70 years ago, it could mean being thrown in jail, at the best.

  • dwayners13

    Lets just say (for a moment) that Hubbard was right about the existence & power of prenatal engrams. Specifically, the influence that a father’s words & actions during pregnancy can have on his child’s life. It makes me wonder what types of engrams L. Ron Hubbard Jr. (Nibs) was exposed to, not only as a fetus, but as a young boy. Anyone who has read Bare Face Messiah &/or Messiah or Madman &/or Piece of Blue Sky knows that Hubbard wasn’t exactly a candidate for father/husaband of the year. Poor old Nibs was no doubt exposed to some seriously messed up engrams from him dear-old dad.

  • villagedianne

    I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. The ebook “The ESMB Posts” on this link, has info from an old-timer on who besides Hubbard came up with the Tech.

    http://www.paulsrabbit.com/

    The post about how Hubbard stole Study Tech is especially interesting.

    LRH Jr. said his father stole most of it, and made up the so-called scientific studies.

    • Captain Howdy

      The cover for “Penetration: The Question of Extraterrestrial and Human Telepathy” is priceless. Ingo Swann was one wacky dude.

      • 1subgenius

        Too bad such an awesome name was wasted on a nutbag.

  • Poison Ivy

    Happy Birthday Tony! Welcome to the big 5-0! It’s scarier when you’re dreading it – once you cross the border, it’s clear sailing!
    Thank you for everything you do!

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      I think the down voter on this one, PI, is someone who thinks life after 50 stinks, (as it must in the Miscavige prison camp). I think the down voter needs some friends who understand that after 40 life just gets better and better……

      • Observer

        … as long as you’re outside of Scientology

  • 0tessa

    Tony Ortega: the best auditor to get rid of your Scientology engrams, locks and secondary’s!
    Happy birthday and may be the force stay with you.

  • Observer

    ..

    • Sherbet

      Observer — you’re a true artiste de shooping.

      • Observer

        why thank you! I can see the clams enjoy it too. 🙂

        • Sherbet

          It’s Thursday, and we’ve come to expect their oh, so effective downvotes. I’m cringing. No, I’m frantic with pain.

          • Observer

            LIE THERE AND ROT, DAMN YOU! GOOD-BYE!

            Is it wrong that I find that good-bye at the end so hilarious? “I have beaten a pregnant woman, knockedher to the floor, viciouslyverbally abused her, and now I will storm out of the house, but only after I have politely observed the social convention of saying good-bye.”

            • Sherbet

              That’s Klam Kommunication!

            • ARC all the way!

            • Sherbet

              A Real Custerfluck?

            • Ze Moo

              Is there a Klam Kommunication Korse??

            • Sherbet

              Yes, it’s taught at Klown Kollege, which is appropriate.

            • Missionary Kid

              Klown Kollege is located in Klearwater.

            • EnthralledObserver

              Klams and their alphabet… so now it’s the ARK triangle? Honestly, is nothing ‘wog’ good enough?

            • richelieu jr

              It was a simpler time.

            • Observer

              SNORT! Hahaha!

          • noseinabk

            Maybe down arrow person thinks that what happened at Marty’s blog will happen here. Marty did away with it after everyone was upset by the down votes.
            At the bunker its an honor! I just wish the person doing it would issue us some pretty golden sp declares instead.

            • Sherbet

              The whole process must be getting old to DownVoteBoy. It’s been about 3 weeks now, and the Bunker is still intact.

            • Observer

              I’ve actually wondered if it might be an Indie who doesn’t like our J&D of Elron.

            • noseinabk

              I agree that some of the down votes could be an indie but down voting birthday well wishes? I can no longer see all the down arrows I did this morning. Are most of them gone or is disqust messing with me?

            • sister wendy

              right- at least it means they are looking, right;)

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      That was coffee-through-the-nose good!

    • Observer

      YES!!! *Two* down arrows! That tells me my J&D is having an effect, and I will work even harder at it. Thanks so much for the feedback!

    • richelieu jr

      More like “Old Mother Hubbard” or “That Mutha Hubbard”…

      (“They got to OT-VII, but when they got there,

      the cupboard was bare,

      there was just as much truth,

      as Travolta has hair”)

    • dbloch7986

      It sounds like a conversation between Ricky Ricardo and Lucille Ball…

  • Karen715

    One of the reasons that I did not immediately peg Dianetics as the nonsense it is was probably because Hubbard stole so much from other authors/theories. Some of what I read reminded me of things I had heard of before, including some vaguely remembered material from an intro to psychology course in college. If I had been in a better mental state (and, let’s face it, a whole lot smarter) I would have realized how he had bastardized legitimate material.
    Of course, if I had been in a better mental state, I might have actually read all the way through the book. While I hope I would have eventually realized what claptrap it was, I can’t know for certain. All I am sure of is that I dodged a bullet big time.

    • Karen715

      Wow, two down votes. I finally feel like one of the gang!

      • Missionary Kid

        You’re welcome here!

        • Karen715

          Thanks!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        There! I gave you another down vote so you feel like one of the “family”!

        • Karen715

          Thanks, cuz.

        • Karen715

          Thanks, cuz.

    • Truthiwant

      It’s interesting that almost no Scientologists actually read Dianetics from cover to cover. They just accepted that what was written was true, silly me included!

      • Karen715

        Okay, this is my third attempt to reply. I apologize if any duplicates show up. If I had somehow come to accept Scientology, I would have forced myself to read it. I was very dogmatic and a completist when I was young. I would have tried to Read All The Things!

  • And I don’t rent cars!

    This is a follow up to my BD message. Here is a BD song from Canada’s Arrogant Worms:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACUjMNDSrgY

    • John P.

      Thank you for sharing a dose of that famed wry Canadian sense of humor. It was very helpful that the version of the song you shared has subtitles in English, since I don’t speak Canadian and would otherwise have been unable to understand the lyrics.

      • And I don’t rent cars!

        You are welcome. I had you mind as I knew you were bilingual but only spoke the language of money and English.

        • John P.

          Now you’ve got me learning about the Arrogant Worms. My new favorite song of theirs: “Proud to Be a Banker.” “Great to be a Nerd” also brings back memories.

          • And I don’t rent cars!

            And I’ve learned about The Tubes from an earlier post of yours. So “Thank You” for that.
            In case you haven’t found the English lyrics to the above two, you could always try Google English to English translation services.
            P.S. I’m sure one of your Supermodels, being an international jetsetter and of international repute, could speak Canadian and could translate.

            • Missionary Kid

              Must be something wrong with me. I can understand Canadian perfectly well. Maybe it’s because I happened to be born under the Union Jack.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              Ha! That would explain it. Being born in “The Empire” (British not George Lucas’), definitely would make a difference.
              Sometimes, being born under “the all mighty dollar sign” (ah hem John P) can effect one’s hearing; probably damaged from the constant ringing up of the cash register bell and slamming shut of it’s drawer!

            • Missionary Kid

              Where I was born is no longer a colony, as is the place that I went to kindergarten and the first form.
              Since the rest of my education was in the U.S., I would occasionally get downgraded for spelling words like colour. It is an acceptable spelling in an American dictionary, but it wasn’t worth arguing over.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              I can empathize. My birthplace was not so exotic but it is still part of the Commonwealth. Most of my education was mostly in the U.S. too so I drive my spell checker and myself crazy going back and forth between the two forms of spelling. I bet when you encounter the letter ‘z’ you still pronounce it both ways (zee and zed) when spelling a word out loud to someone else.

            • Missionary Kid

              BTW, the 300SL is one of my favorite cars. Because of its construction, the performance was not matched for years in a production vehicle. It was the first postwar supercar. I used to live in a city where there were 3 of them, two gull-wings and one convertible in the surrounding area. I understand is NOT a car to drive in a place like Phoenix in the summertime because of the poor ventilation.

              There are spell checkers available in both British and American versions, but that means that you’d have to write in a different writing program before cutting and pasting to your post. I actually do that often because my spelling has gotten worse over the years, and there’s no spell correct, but only check on Disqus.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              Amazing. You are that is. What DON’T you know? Never thought anyone would recognize my dream car – especially with this image’s distorted perspective. Good job. Gold star for you. Actually, I gave you an up arrow instead!

              I did not know the 300 was the first postwar supercar. Thank you for telling me.

              And I’m envious. I have not seen one in person, never mind three of them in one city. If all three were red, I’d simply faint from the intensity of my jealousy. My knees already feel weak…

              You never see them here where I live as the winter road salt would rust them out in no time.

              Thank you also for telling me about British and American English spell checkers. I have also seen one for “Canadian English” – whatever that means. I did not know I could check spelling with Disqus. This is only my second day at posting comments so I am still figuring things.

              I will look for this feature another day as Disqus gremlins have invaded my computer too. I notice comments have been lost, displaced, etc. as the day has worn on. And now my cursor has gone wonky.

              Disqus is probably too exhausted from overwork at the beginning of this American holiday.

              Happy Memorial Day weekend!

            • Missionary Kid

              There’s a hell of a lot that I don’t know. I also happen to be in my late 60s, so things that
              younger people read about, I witnessed, or knew about. One of my sayings is that, “Youth has no memory.” I also use Google to look up stuff that I don’t remember or understand.

              I was around when the 300SL was THE dream car for those of us who liked sports cars. The gull wing doors are iconic. I also often read car magazines. One recently featured
              an early racing 300SL, which had a much higher door sill that was lowered when they went into production and sold it to the public.

              I used to live in a resort town that was on the ocean. Not only did I see 300SLs, but a Porsche Carrera Speedster, which had the needle bearing crank, a Chrysler Airflow, and an early open-wheeled Mercedes racer. (That one could have been a replica, but I don’t think so). I worked for someone who had a Pantera.

              Believe it or not, but if you live in a large city, there may be a 300SL there. It just won’t be driven when there’s salt on the roads.

              The two gull-wings were, as I remember it, red and blue, and the convertible, yellow.

              The title of being the first supercar was really bestowed on it just recently in a program I was watching on iconic sports cars. It had the first fuel injection in a production car, and record top speed. I think that would qualify it, of course, that’s just an opinion.

              What I find I have to do with Disqus is occasionally refresh it. Unfortunately, I lose the
              indications of which posts are new. If a link is in the body of the message, right click on it, and you won’t have to reload Disqus because it will open a new tab.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              Oops just found this in my inbox. Still trying to figure out Disqus and notifications, etc. Also how to find and respond to posts from earlier days.

              Thanks for taking the time to tell me all this. I am going to Google the other cars you mentioned. My avatar and username is a little deceiving. I know very little about cars actually. I owned a 1974 Camaro for 14 years, 350, V8 – vroom, vroom… (until the Maritime ocean air rusted it out in no time. Worse than the road salt they use in the province I now live in.)

              Yes, a pre-1956 car with fuel injection was ahead of its time.

              You may be right. There might be a 300SL in this city but I don’t know about. Funny that you mention it, as I recently picked up a magazine that listed vintage car shows in the city with the intention of finding someone, with a similar interest, to give me a ride to a show. The irony, of course, is that I no longer own a car! I am totally dependent on public transportation and the generosity of friends. Yikes!

              You also said, “Youth has no memory.” I agree but why should they? Without years of accumulated life experiences, unless they are taught in school or by their parents, they wouldn’t much of a memory. If they do have a memory, I suspect (and maybe that is ‘a good thing’) it comes from Google. Lord help us nonetheless! What I find most distressing and angers me are the adults in government that have no memory – or they simply don’t want to have one. They keep reinventing the wheel and spending money on projects, studies, organizations, etc. that have already been done in their city, state/province, country, and other places globally, and have proved to be ineffective or downright failures.

              Yet, in other countries such as the Middle East, they have too much memory! I have always thought (but never dared voice it) that I’d like to put some amnesia medication in their water systems so the tribal memories are erased (at least for awhile) and see if peace could be restored or created.

              But I digress…

            • Missionary Kid

              My statement that “youth has no memory” is meant just as a fact, but also just because things are a certain way, that they should realize that things weren’t always that way.

              I have a friend who is 10 years younger than I, and, because he’d never ridden on a train made some assumptions about train stations that I knew weren’t true because as a kid, I made several trips using the train.

              The one thing that happens when people immigrate to the U.S. is that they live in a society where old tribal slights and injuries aren’t confronting them every day, like they do in their native land. That makes it easier to get along.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              There we go again… stupid Disqus (or stupid me), I had one last thing to say and Disqus decided to post my above comments for me already. I suppose I should be grateful, as last night I wrote a long post and my text completely disappeared before I could hit ‘Post.’ Aargh. Of course, it was late at night, and I could not remember most of what I had written. Perhaps that is ‘a good thing’ especially for the person I was replying to. I wish there was a ‘Save Now’ feature in Disqus to use as we write so text would not disappear like that.
              In any case, the last comment I meant to say was how I appreciate your help with Disqus (Ha! And yes, I get the irony of it). I suspect part of the problem is that I’m a Mac girl (sans Mac) and a friend loaned me an old PC (PeeCee and we in the Cult of Apple like to say – with disdain, I might add) and I’m running IE.
              I suspect Disqus prefers Google Chrome on this machine as I’m also using Gmail. As you know, Google wants to ‘clear the planet’ of all other email, search, and browser software.
              Well, on to Tony’s current story….

    • Missionary Kid

      So you know, that you’re over the hill
      When your mind makes a promise that your body can’t fill

      Little Feat — Old Folks Boogie

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Little Feat…Old times.

        I remember going to the Lowell George tribute show at the forum in LA in 1979.
        Emmy Lou Harris and Bonnie Raitt rocked.
        Linda Ronstadt sang RESPECT.

        Thanks for the memory bump!

        • Missionary Kid

          I’ve seen Bonnie several times. She puts on a great performance.

          When the audience kept going for encores, she used to bring her father out to sing the title song from his Broadway hit, Oklahoma! John was a great singer, but because he wasn’t singing blues/boogie, it would change the mood and while everyone applauded him, everyone got the hint, and didn’t demand any more encores.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Her cousin “Skip” worked for my Dad. He looked just like John!

            But “Skip” was a bit thick.

            Edit: Bonnie plays a mean slide guitar. I enjoy her too.

      • And I don’t rent cars!

        Thanks M.K., I’ll check them out.

        In gratitude to you for that, here’s another Canadian artist:

        Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
        I ache in the places where I used to play

        Leonard Cohen — Tower of Song
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlDVgYwFhkg

        • BuryTheNuts2

          L.Cohen….YIPEE!!!!

        • Captain Howdy
          • And I don’t rent cars!

            Ooohh, Ooohh, Ooohh… a thanks to you too, Captain. I’ve never heard of The Jesus & Mary Chain. Loved their version of Tower of Song. Too bad L. Cohen didn’t do a collaboration with them on this song instead of U2.

            • Captain Howdy

              Here’s the Nick Cave cover of Tower of Song.

              http://youtu.be/Z-Dlbu4aPOc

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              Hey, great burp at 3:56 marker.

              I suspect L. Cohen would LOL at it, as I did.

              (Can you tell I adore L. Cohen? Even though he has always been – and still is – a “ladies man” who in turn seems to adore young – much younger – and very attractive women.)

              And speaking of prenatal engrams (I suppose I should at some point – considering today’s subject), do you suppose my pregnant mother was surreptitiously reading his first book of poetry “Let Us Compare Mythologies” when my father burped and said, “Get me another beer you fat, old cow!”?
              And yes, I accept the fact that my love for L. Cohen will remain unrequited as I’m sure I am too fat and too old for it to be otherwise…

            • DodoTheLaser

              Nick Cave is another fave here too. Thank you.

          • SciWatcher

            J&MC! I just had a flashback to being fifteen with my head half shaved and dressed all in black.

          • DodoTheLaser

            Leonard Cohen – my favorite ex-scientologist artist.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-E53gmeO-8

            I played him on repeat one night in 2011 after I was SP declared
            and I didn’t even know he is an ex too.

        • Missionary Kid

          Thanks.
          I usually like Cohen’s lyrics better than his singing.
          When other artists cover his songs, to me, they usually sound better.

          • Sandy

            As in Nina Simone & “Suzanne”

            • Missionary Kid

              That is one of the few that I think he does better, but I happen to also like the version he did with Judy Collins. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGGSo530bdA

            • Sandy

              No no no MK. Never dishonor Miss Nina!

            • Sandy
            • Missionary Kid

              I’m not dishonoring her. On that song, I’m imprinted with the original, so I happen to like it better. She obviously is a fine musician, but I’ve had nearly 40 years of liking the original for her to overcome.

            • Sandy

              Well, I am imprinted with that version. When I was a kid, I had a ’64 Buick convertible with an 8 track & played that over & over & over & over ….

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Love both versions!

          • And I don’t rent cars!

            Yes M.K. A frequent complaint amongst Canadians – even when he wins another Juno (Canada’s Grammy).
            FYI, he won Junos this year for Artist of the Year and Songwriter of the Year. (He is 79.)

            He’s really a poet (and a novelist). He turned to songwriting to earn a living.

            In case you didn’t know, he is hilarious/very witty in interviews and during live concerts. His self-effacing humor is quite clever. In 2006, when he won another Juno for Vocalist of the year, he said in his acceptance, “Only in Canada could somebody with a voice like mine win vocalist of the year.”

            • Missionary Kid

              At least you can understand what the lyrics are with Cohen. Bob Dylan often becomes unintelligible.

  • Ze Moo

    The only bad thing about turning 50 is your doctors new found focus on the end point of your alimentary canal. After a few colonoscopies and prostate exams you’ll wonder about your doctors ‘engrams’.

    • John P.

      After decades of fancy dinners and expensive wines in the great restaurants of the world (working my way down the list of Michelin three-star restaurants on the Global Capitalism HQ expense account), when I turned 50 I started to realize that my risk of GI problems might eventually catch up to me. Bizarre as it may seem, I look forward to all those nasty sorts of procedures when I have to have them so that I can dodge the consequences of the sins of my past. They’re embarrassing and painful when being administered, but I love hearing the good news that my past gastronomic excess is not going to kill me for at least another year.

      • 1subgenius

        A friend of mine was complaining that his doctor was somewhat cold and aloof.

        I said, “Bob, when he sticks a rubber finger up your butt, would you want it otherwise?”

        • sugarplumfairy

          Lol.. The docs here appreciated that one..

      • Ze Moo

        When ever I feel that my job sucks, I always remember that at least I am not paid to stick anything up a strangers butt. While nasty, a colonoscopy saves lives. Better safe then dead…..

        • Ian

          When ever I feel that my job sucks, I always remember that at least I am not paid to work my way down the list of Michelin three-star restaurants on the Global Capitalism HQ expense account…

          …oh wait. No, my job sucks.

  • stillgrace

    Happy Birthday, Tony! Thank you for your dedication.

    Personally, I love birthdays! But EVERY damn year?

    • 1subgenius

      (upvote), but I could care less about my birthday. I like to say that I didn’t do a damn thing that day. I was just along for the ride. Props to mom.

      • Sherbet

        LOTS of props to your mom if you were wearing Hank’s hat at the time.

  • Happy Birthday Tony!

  • Johan

    I’ll join the happy birthday chorus…happy birthday Tony and thank you, the bunker is my daily pit stop too

  • VickiStubing

    For all of you hungover Bunkerites:

    http://splicetoday.com/consume/using-scientology-to-get-sober#.UZysoduflj4.twitter

    Happy Birthday, Tony!

    • Sherbet

      Fewer people for narCON to “treat!”

  • DeElizabethan

    Happy, happy happy Birthday to you Tony. You are the greatest! Love and wisdom abound.

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    I love how outdated most of the Hubbard stories are. It is amazing that in his reporting about the 75 plus million years of history, the male understanding of the female (whatever species) appears to be identical to Dagwood’s understanding of Blondie in the Dagwood comics of the 1940s. Maybe it progressed a little to that of Ricky’s understanding of Lucy in the 1950s, but never more advanced than Darrin’s understanding of Samantha in Bewitched in the 60s. Hubbard seems to view all females, especially mothers, as part of a great conspiracy that is “unknowable” for every male, and one that poses a great danger to males because it is fundamentally evil. Also, he fails to identify the effect on the fetus of those flashing red and blue lights as Daddy is hauled off to jail in handcuffs for punching Mommy in the tummy. Or the effect on the fetus of Mommy testifying at Daddy’s trial about what an abusive man Daddy is, or the effect on the fetus of not seeing much of Daddy due to the restraining order.

  • media_lush

    …. pretty much what John P said….

    and on another note the scions get their arse handed to them on a plate… again

    http://wuisnews.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/house-rejects-study-with-ties-to-scientology/

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      I can’t see any lawmaker allowing any legislation critical of psychiatry or psychology. We live in a time where psychotics are massacring children in schools, families in movie theaters, politicians in shopping centers, and so on. Only individuals divorced from reality would propose that psychology is the problem. Maybe they can get together with LaRouche and claim that the Queen of England funds each and every psychiatrist and psychologist, and is using them to spy on every U.S. citizen. The Queen then funnels that information to Tony, who is paid $10,000 a day by the Queen, and Big Pharma. I am sure that U.S. lawmakers will be much more motivated by this story…….except of course those lawmakers that are bought off by the Queen of England and Big Pharma.

      • Ze Moo

        Hard core conspiracy theorists are being catered to by the communist led mass media. Where else can you find space aliens mating with earth girls to spawn the Babylon empire (or Babylon 5, either one works). while the Illuminati and Masons and Elders of Pions (early physicists) built Nazi ufos and took ‘normal’ people away for proctological exams on the mother ship while having lunch with the shooter on the grassy knoll and bigfoot and Elvis.

        Reality is for people who can’t take drugs. Or Scientology or anyone with the name ‘Kardashian’. Hail Xenu !!!! My big pharma check is late…..Isn’t Elton John the queen of england??

  • dbloch7986

    Happy birthday Tony! I don’t know how we know that it’s your birthday because I haven’t been that far down in the comments yet. Wish I could be in NY to celebrate with you (maybe I can ask for a transfer).

    So here we have Dianetics, the beginnings of Scientology. Who was to know such a ridiculous book would eventually spawn one of the most prolific cults in modern history.

    I feel like the minimization of the burden of pregnancy, the over emphasis on the frailty of women and the overestimation of the frequency of attempted abortions is reflective of the misogyny of Hubbard’s youth. I feel like the focus on destruction of familial bonds in Scientology and the aversion to therapy are reflective of Hubbard’s own issues with his family and his aversion to his own psychiatric diagnosis.

    How the Church of Scientology continues to justify the separation of families based on the fact that someone caught a head cold is beyond me. The pain and suffering caused to children like me, based on a 60 year old book written by a man with an obvious psychiatric disorder is beyond words. The fact that this injustice is allowed to perpetuate in a modern age such as this is an insult to our evolution as a species.

    Based on this promotion, I think my prediction is coming true: Scientology is backing into a corner and conglomerating into a smaller group because of the number of people that have left. The shell will get tighter and people will fight harder against the encroaching reality. Scientology is indeed a way for people to hide from “real” life. People will fight so aggressively to hold onto an illusion protecting them from whatever it is they cannot face that it is virtually incomprehensible.

    In the end they will continue to shun and alienate more and more people as the truly pious believers refuse to let go of their increasingly fundamental beliefs. Into the stronghold they will go until only a few believers and a few pennies are left in the coffers. We can only hope that there is no repeat of Jonestown.

    • Truthiwant

      Thanks, db. You have incredible insight.

    • aquaclara

      There is so much to what you say, Derek. And I agree, what a ridiculous book.
      I’m glad people like Vance are able to ‘fess up to how they fell for this in the first place, because it is both horrifying and batty at the same time.
      I have to guess that quite a few in Scientology don’t have any idea what this stuff really says, even if they have read the book. Or maybe that’s just what I’m hoping.

  • Guest

    For reals.

    • Observer

      ^^This is me. Disqus is more screwed up than usual today. I tried to use the delete option, but rather than deleting the post or the pics, it just deleted my ID.

      Bah.

      • dbloch7986

        It always does that. It’s best to click *edit* and then erase everything in your post. The pic is funny!

      • I share your frustration. I’ll post and they’re a no show. So I just lurk…and wait to see BTN’s newest avatar.

      • DodoTheLaser

        This shoop made me smile again and again and again. And again!

        Thank you, Observer! 🙂

    • noseinabk

      *cracking up* Thanks for that Observer!!!!!!!

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    Let’s give some kudos to Illinois Rep Sullivan:

    “The Illinois House on Wednesday rejected an attempt to take a closer
    look at the field of psychology and its role in shaping Illinois law. As
    Brian Mackey reports, the sticking point for some lawmakers was a group
    backing the proposal. …. But Rep. Ed Sullivan, R-Mundelein, told fellow lawmakers one of the
    groups supporting the effort is backed by the Church of Scientology.

    “I bring this up because my family has some issues — has had some
    exposure — with the church of Scientology,” Sullivan says. “And without
    getting into details, it hasn’t been very good.”

    http://wuisnews.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/house-rejects-study-with-ties-to-scientology/

    No in utero engrams for him!

  • Stupid theory, misogynistic, etc., but what jumped out at me first is how terribly that dialog is written. This man was a professional writer? HOW?!

    • Illinoisian

      The way it’s written, I keep thinking that the child would feel that he/she was adopted and go through life endlessly searching for his/her real mother, a woman named Fran Tickwith-Payne.

      • EnthralledObserver

        Precisely… the theory doesn’t even stand up to itself.

    • Missionary Kid

      Realize that LRH specialized in the breathless prose of the 30s and 40s, when all sorts of artifices, exaggerations, fantasies, stilted dialog, and turgid plots were tolerated.

      He was paid for quantity, (at a penny a word) not quality, and he wrote for the former.

      Postwar, people had become much more knowledgeable about the realities of the world, so IMO the only place that was really open to him as a writer was science fiction. Unfortunately for him, there was a whole crop of better writers who appeared or who were developing into authors much better than him, who wrote about ideas while he was still pretty much stuck in space opera.

      He was fortunate enough to stumble on the writing of Dianetics, which got published only because John W. Campbell, the editor of Astounding Science Fiction liked to publish off-beat theories to stir the pot amongst his readers. Supposedly, Campbell later said that is something that was one of the biggest things he regretted.

      • grundoon

        Nnnno. Not in the 30s, not in the 40s, not ever, was Hubbard’s demented diction considered typical fare suited to its price and audience.

        Charles Dickens wrote for a farthing a word. No more making excuses for Hubbard!

        • Missionary Kid

          I was writing about his writing skills. His diction was something else.

          Have you read early science fiction, like that of Hugo Gernsback, who the Hugo Award is named after? Try Ralph 124C 41+, written in 1911. In a lot of the pulp fiction of the day, the natural way of speaking of Mark Twain hadn’t completely caught on. It tended to be written in a more stilted, over dramatic manner, still reminiscent of the dime novels of an earlier era.

          In his early years, Hubbard not only wrote science fiction, but adventure stories, including Westerns. O. Henry’s short stories (and Hubbard was no O. Henry) also were written in a stilted style than we’re used to. He was able to get away with depictions of places he’d never been to because people weren’t as well traveled.

          Verbally, the Hub’s diction was indeed, convoluted. I’m of the opinion that as he got older, it got worse because he was surrounded by people who deified his every word, so he wasn’t challenged on its insipidy.

          I can’t speak as to how much the value of Dickens pay was, compared to Hubbard’s. But during the depression, $20.00 a day for 2000 words (a huge output) would have been a goodly sum for a working man. I don’t know how large Hubbard’s salable output was, but he faced several problems. He often didn’t get paid until after publication, which could be months and this would be after rewrites. For a rewrite of a story, I can imagine that Hubbard would retype the whole story with the asked-for changes each time. That would cut his pay for the writing what came off his typewriter by a half or more. Hubbard, from what I’ve read, was not thrifty.

      • The 30s and 40s were not a time of horrible writing, though. It’s not like we just discovered how to write well recently.

        But my question was really rhetorical. A sort of scream of frustration. Crap writing still sells incredibly well today.

        • Missionary Kid

          I guess speed reading, which I usually do, brings the crap out sooner when I read something, so I’m less tolerant of it.

          Realize that what you’ve probably read out of the 30s and 40s was the stuff that survived.

          The Great Gatsby, written in 1925, wasn’t particularly well regarded when published, and didn’t sell well until the 40s. I know, that’s from an earlier time, but realize that since printing made cheap publishing possible, there has always been a lot of crap that is written, sold, and read, that doesn’t really survive, especially stuff written for magazines.

          Can you see People magazine being mined for its great prose in the future?

  • Bella Legosi

    Happy Birthday and many more from Portland!

  • Bella Legosi

    When my sister was pregnant the father would scream at her belly and say, “HELLO THIS IS YOUR FATHER”

    Also when my best friend was pregnant with her first we blared Eminem (we were young guys) and all sorts of metal.

    They turned out just fine. Really they did. Once again, I am left to wonder if Hubbard thought this shit up on his very own, with his own sober imagination, or if he was partaking in the many amphetamines that were in supply back in the 50’s. Cuz I have to say, reading some of his “theorys” sounds oddly similar to diatribes I have listened to from many a spa-gacked tweeker. And in Portland, there is no short supply on tweekers with theories and some of them are worthy of their own publications and/or cults!

    Yeah I think I am going to get a downvote for this

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Well Bella, If you get a downvote ” You have got to take it”. Even if it makes you “frantic with pain”.

      • Bella Legosi

        hehe now you got me giggleing like Butthead

        >D

        And here I thought I was the Dom!

    • DodoTheLaser

      “When my sister was pregnant the father would scream at her belly and say, “HELLO THIS IS YOUR FATHER”

      Also when my best friend was pregnant with her first we blared Eminem (we were young guys) and all sorts of metal.

      They turned out just fine. Really they did.”

      Hahahahhaaa!!!

      This is comedy gold, Bella!

      And yet so true!

      Case in point, when my wife was pregnant with our son, she was like a gazelle on steroids, even
      her non-pregnant girlfriends couldn’t keep up with her. Also, metal music was a norm in our house.

      Our son turned out perfectly normal in every way – smart, kind, athletic and good looking.
      He loves metal though, and plays guitar better then me at this point. Cool 😉

      Thanks for the good laugh, again!!!

      • Bella Legosi

        Nice! I once baby sat for a chick who went to a Slayer concert 7 months pregnant. That kid was born double fisting the air like she was born to mosh (which some years later did when she got a little brother) and was born with a mow hawk! I wuv my city. I never run outta stories about the people I have met here!

        • DodoTheLaser

          Haha! You gotta watch this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465602/

          Epic and metal as fuck.

          These guys and a baby boy who only stops crying when played metal to.

          [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/30ji3xc.jpg[/IMG]

          You have to see this cinema satire gem.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Since Clive Owen is in it…I do not have to be asked twice!

          • Bella Legosi

            OMG I have seen that movie many times and it is both METAL and EPIC as fuck! I love the way Paul points out the temp of a discharged Desert Eagle! My ex got one of those monsters and I have to admit I have no desire to shoot that hand cannon! I much rather use his sniper rifle or M16! I am contemplating firing a few rounds of the 1911 .45, but even that thing is too damn ridiculous for my smurf hands to handle properly! I am cool being in the rear with the gear or scope!

      • Bella Legosi

        My little bro plays guitar =)
        http://youtu.be/7E-_J5WWkoc
        The band he plays in covered this song. They are mostly punk with classic metal influences. I can’t believe I said “classic metal” I feel old and goddamn it I shouldn’t!

        *It should be noted that it is Last Call when Bella blares and sings this at AM hours!

        • DodoTheLaser

          Whoa! Your little bro is a part of the Rock Brotherhood!

          Saying “classic metal” is perfectly ok at any age, Bella!

          Even “classic rock”. Those cats are well and alive.

          Tool, Perfect Circle, Puscifer – are fucking awesome.

          Proof:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzyNWyZhUS0

          You lady – is The Bunker’s Metal Queen now.

          Stay Metal.

          • Bella Legosi

            I would say “metal disciple” for I do listen to ABBA, Britney Spears, and Billy Idol. Those musical choices do knock a few points off the board for me! But thank you!

  • TonyOrtega

    Thanks very much for all birthday cheer. It’s been quite a day. Harlan Ellison just called to wish me a happy 50th, and that’s a pretty nice present to receive. Now, on to more stories!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      I am in awe!

    • John P.

      We capitalists are aware that sometimes the best things in life cannot be bought but only earned. A birthday greeting from Harlan Ellison is one of them. Way cool!

      • tetloj

        I wanna double up arrow that one…..!

    • Poison Ivy

      Harlan Ellison!!! That’s a coup!

    • Bella Legosi

      NO it’s your 50th birthday! Live it up cuz you are now over the hill and eligible for the dirty old man cane!

      I will be very disappointed if you don’t have some sort of Psy moment tonight!

    • Missionary Kid

      To have Harlan, the former enfant terrible of science fiction, call any time would make my year, let alone my birthday. You deserve it.

    • DodoTheLaser

      At first, when I read John P’s brilliant post re: your 50th Bday, I thought it was a joke,
      because you look like you are 40-42. And I’m not trying to make you feel better about your age.
      Just surprised. Must be good genes! Happy one again, Tony and thank you for all your work!

      What you are doing is truly a public service. I believe it will be more and more obvious and appreciated on many levels, as time goes by.

      And thank you for hosting this wonderful party in The Bunker!

      “Now, on to more stories!”

      Cheers!

  • Bella Legosi

    Did Hubbard claim ONCE that he was infact a woman in some past life? I haven’t come across that yet and am wondering just how or if he did justify these theories of women

    • Missionary Kid

      Probably not. I think he felt that he, as a Big Being, could never be a woman.

      • Bella Legosi

        Good point!

    • DodoTheLaser

      No. Hubbard was always Tone 40 about not picking up female’s body in his entire whole track existence.
      Sheesh.

      • Bella Legosi

        Now that is hard to believe! I mean really? You live millions, no BILLIONS of years, and not once you weren’t a woman? WTF now that should have been a giant red flag! I suppose it’s easy to say for someone who’s always been on the outside, but for Hub to stake a lot on reincarnation or variations of it, it’s hard to believe that Hub never picked up a female body!

        I was really wondering if Hubbard ever had claimed to have been a woman or something like it on another planet. I haven’t read anything like that yet, but I am still quite new and have a lot to read still. But, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that he would avoid being one of the Woman tribe. He seems to have a weird, obsessive, disdain for the female gender.

        • DodoTheLaser

          Bella, you need to come to your senses, once and for all.
          Even though a thetan is a pure spirit and has no sex, LRH is no ordinary thetan.
          He is, in fact, the only alpha male Thetan, a.k.a. The Source.

          • Bella Legosi

            No No NO NO

            Hubbard was delusional and under the influence of many a pharmaceutical OTC and prescription drug AND his own horseshit! I am passionate about this issue! And that is prolly why I am not popular with the Indie crowd! I don’t like the Hub, never will, and when I do you will know Bella has been indeed replaced with a FemBot!

  • Xique

    What a man what a man what a mighty fine man! H B Tony Ortega!

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    RTC CONFIDENTIAL PL

    RE: FAIR GAMING SP HATER BLOGS BY USE OF DOWN ARROWING ATTACKS

    The defense of Scientology on online hater blogs is untenable. The only way to defend Scientology is to attack by use of down arrowing.

    Actual research has shown that down arrows so enturbulate SP’s that they plunge down the tone scale into grief and stop attacking Scientology.

    OT Committee Members assigned to work with OSA on down arrowing attacks online must complete the Flag Only Down Arrowing Rundown.

    COB RTC David Miscavige has made down arrow attacks the highest priority for OSA online.

    Every Scientologist has been assessed $100,000 to support COB’s “Rolling Thunder Down Arrow” summer campaign 2013.

    Please pay this assessment promptly to avoid an SP Declare.

    • John P.

      Thank you for explicitly codifying the distinction between “Actual research” and, presumably, “Fake, made-up research.” That distinction explains some of the things about your Founder’s works that have puzzled us over the years. I think I just had a cog!

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        The only “actual research” that has ever occurred in the entire agonized history of Mankind has taken place within the confines of the Church of Scientology.

        All other so-called research is false and has spawned dangerous myths such as mental illness, the germ theory of disease, and a lot of blather about how cigarette smoking is harmful when in fact smoking runs out radiation.

        • dbloch7986

          “…[S]moking runs out radiation.” Would be funny if Scientologists didn’t actually believe it.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            The fact that in 2013, that ANYONE could still believe this POO boggles the mind!

            • Sandy

              We smokers have a lot of cognitive dissidence……..

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I see what ya did there!

            • Sandy

              Yeah – I see. What I did is switch to American Spirit tobacco & started to roll my own. Cut my smoking by 1/3. Best I can do right now ……

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Well good luck with it.

            • Sandy

              I appreciate the support w/o criticism. Thank you.

            • aquaclara

              All good. 🙂

            • dbloch7986

              We do 🙁

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Quitting not working so well???

            • dbloch7986

              It was going well and then everything went to hell in a handbasket at work and I said, “let me just have one.” And then….

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ah, well don’t give up. It can be one long process. Mr. Nuts finally did it and I didn’t think it was ever going to happen.

            • Missionary Kid

              I happen to believe it’s harder to quit smoking than heroin, but, according to studies, the most successful programs for quitting involve support groups.

              I echo BTN2: don’t give up.

            • dbloch7986

              That is a true statement.

            • aquaclara

              Hey! I know you can do it! Give yourself a wee lil tiny break, and start again. Go, Derek!!!
              Cheers! You can do it!
              PS my dad went through A LOT of hard candy when he gave it up. Let me know if you need a “sweet” fix. BJs is just down the road.

            • Captain Howdy

              One day, somewhere is my past , I came to the revelation that there are way more magical thinkers on this planet than not, and it made me wish I had had my own planet.

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4_0vyJfwuE

    • aquaclara

      “Rolling thunder”….ha ha ha ha ha. You’re good OT.

      I am in awe of the thousands of bikers who ride on Washington, DC’s mall every Memorial Day for Rolling Thunder. You might have just met your match.

    • InTheNameOfXenu

      Steve Colbert…is that you?

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        No

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          No, it is we in the Religious Technology Center working to smite Suppression in all its forms.

          We in RTC will smite all wrongdoers!

          • sugarplumfairy

            George W., is that you?

    • Bella Legosi

      OTVIIIisGrrr8! I had to inform you that when one types your name into Google, your blog is second in the autofill option……..that is fucking neat *bows in your awesomeness*

  • Michael Leonard Tilse

    A little off topic, but because the concept of cognitive dissonance comes up with regard to the experience of scientologists I thought this might be interesting: In the book “Arsenals Of Folly” by pulitzer prize winning author Richard Rhodes, he is writing about Mikhail Gorbachev’s maternal grandfather who had committed himself to support of the Party and its ideology under Stain. “Shaken by the cognitive dissonance of having been tortured and imprisoned for crimes he did not commit by representatives of the ideology to which he had wholly dedicated himself, Gopkalo reduced the dissonance by dividing the Party and its leader off from its army of enforcers, blaming the enforcers for his mistreatment and idealizing the leadership.”

    Sounds very similar to the process many scientologists go through in their own dedication.

    • Bella Legosi

      Nice catch

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        It is amazing how much the description of the collective farm experience in the ’30s under Stalin resembles the stories told by those who were in the Sea Org at ‘Int”.

        • Bella Legosi

          I know. I have been reading about the parallels too. I was sent a Gary Armstrong link, regarding how the sec check questions are directly parallel to ones used by intelligence agencies during the Cold War. As if I wasn’t already close to becoming a manifesto writing, tin foil habadasher, in Alaska (with a trained kitty army)! Scary stuff!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            If you get a small cabin in Alaska to write your manifesto, please make sure you at least have room for an occasional overnight guest. I have always wanted to go to see Denali.
            I will bring my own tinfoil hat.

            • Sandy

              Besides the tinfoil hat – bring bug spray. Trust me!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Sandy, I live in Florida. I carry a bottle of 100% deet with me everywhere I go.
              By the way…did you know 100% deet can melt the leather on an expensive handbag like it was cheap plastic?
              It also removes nail polish faster than acetone!

            • Missionary Kid

              Old Alaskan joke:

              Two large mosquitoes are standing over the body of a man who got drunk and passed out naked.

              One says to the other, “Shall we take him away?”

              The other answers, “We’d better, before one of the big guys gets here.”

            • Bella Legosi

              *nods in agreement*

              The sound they make when they fly by your ears makes me psychotic to this day. It isn’t uncommon to see many a camper run while they hit themselves (more times then any spouting obscenitys)

              Use Avon’s Skin So Soft………its cheaper and smells a lot better plus it works.

            • Missionary Kid

              One of my favorite movies is Never Cry Wolf, but there is a scene where, on a warm day, Charles Martin Smith falls asleep nude, then wakes up with surrounded by a herd of caribou or reindeer, then starts running with them.

              The scene rang false because I think he’d be drained of a lot of blood if he did that, and wouldn’t be able to run much.

            • media_lush

              Actually it’s only the male which buzzes* and they don’t bite…. it’s the silent females who are the biters. [moral there somewhere]

              gleaned from one of my favourite shows, QI

            • Bella Legosi

              You do learn something everyday! Thank you!

            • Bella Legosi

              For real! The mosquitoes up there are PLENTY and HUGE. We drove into a cloud of them once. It sounding as if it were raining, there were so many. There are a lot of Dragon Flys as well! Those make thud sounds when they hit the cooler. They bounce off of windshields!

            • Bella Legosi

              If everything goes according to plan I shall have enough room for everyone! You just have to find a way up!

              😀

              And Denali is the most beautiful piece of earth I have ever seen with my own eyes. The Russian and Yukon Rivers are awesome to witness, but my favorite place ever to go camping/fishing was Seward (which was a lot smaller 15 years ago) and Valdez. And yes there are areas that still have oil slicks upon the beach.

            • Sandy

              I have been fishing in both Seward & Valdez!. The peeps I visited in Valdez harvested their crab pots just to make us a Crab Louies

            • Bella Legosi

              Nice! I went there once with my family on a camping trip. It took like 8 hours to get there by car. It was a very beautiful drive. I know people say “Oh the beauty” when they talk of Alaska, but to me the word “beauty” does not do it justice. It is sweeping, awesome (in the intended meaning of the word)and no place has ever smelled as sweet!

            • aquaclara

              Crab Louis. Yum!

            • Sandy

              Remember the Bird House on the Seward Highway? Might of been before your time … so fun

            • Bella Legosi

              The old or new seward hwy? I haven’t been back to that town since 1999 =*(

              I believe we took the old hwy, the one with only 2 lanes, only mountain and sea on either side! I remember a great big resturant just before you hit Seward proper.

              =)

              Alaska is the prettiest place I have been, I am sure there are other places just as beautiful, but I am glad I got to see it (live in it as well).

        • Still_On_Your_Side

          Ayn Rand came to the U.S. after escaping from the Soviet Union during the early years after the revolution. Her early works reflect her reaction to totalitarianism. If you read “Anthem,” it is startling how much she captures the loss of identity caused by a cult, and the subsequent regaining of identity after escaping. The intense thought-policing, the “greying” of personalities as they merge, the paranoia about “enemies,” and disconnection, all are attributes of cults and communist states at their worst. I had a professor in college who belonged to the communist party in the 1950s. I remember a story he told me about leaving the party, and how all their party “friends” shunned them, and would pretend not to know them after they quit the party. His wife, who was not even that political, was devastated by the fact that all of her friends would no longer talk to her. Totalitarianism, in any form, is made up of a dictatorship and the loss of individual freedom. The biggest enemy of totalitarianism is the free flow of information. It is not a coincidence that Stalin, N. Korea, and Miscavige are so alike. And it really is stupid to emulate a model that failed. Suppose Ford announced it is going to re-release Pintos in their original design, or Tylenol announced it is getting rid of safety packaging……

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Despite what Ayn Rand became and individual political views….
            From my singular perspective…”Anthem” is one of, if not my favorite novella…..ever.

            • tetloj

              0.99 on kindle – what the heck – giving it a go…

            • Still_On_Your_Side

              Absolutely, if you have been there, or know someone who was, the transition from “we” to “I” is powerful. In cults like the CoS, most people can’t even use the pronoun “I.” Rand, at least the younger version, understood, the power of “I” versus “we.”

            • BuryTheNuts2

              exactly, there are some beautiful babies in Ayn Rands bathwater.

              I enjoyed reading this discussion this morning. Rarely is anything completely black or white.
              Even the COS!

          • Captain Howdy

            “[The Native Americans] didn’t have any rights to the land and there was
            no reason for anyone to grant them rights which they had not conceived
            and were not using…. What was it they were fighting for, if they
            opposed white men on this continent? For their wish to continue a
            primitive existence, their “right” to keep part of the earth untouched,
            unused and not even as property, just keep everybody out so that you
            will live practically like an animal, or maybe a few caves above it. Any
            white person who brought the element of civilization had the right to
            take over this continent.” – Ayn Rand

            • OMG, I had NO idea she wrote this.

            • Bella Legosi

              Yeah, Ayn was kinda a bitch! I am looking for the Hubbard Ayn Rand movie link I posted a month or two ago……..

              http://youtu.be/K5YWTFW5WMw

              Thank you Captain! I was biting my tongue with this one!

            • Still_On_Your_Side

              Oh. Don’t get me wrong, the Ayn Rand who wrote Anthem, was not the same Ayn Rand that wrote what you quoted. The 17 year old, Jewish refuge girl who loved her freedom when she arrived in the U.S., was not the same peron as the arrogant, amoral peron who loved to hear herself speak. Most conservatives who claim to support her have no idea of who the younger Ayn Rand was. Her younger self believed that man was fundamentally moral, and he/she would never allow people to die on the side of the road, especially not the elderly or children. The older Ayn Rand was not the same person.

          • Missionary Kid

            In my eyes, unfortunately, , Rand, who was the victim of Communism, went to the opposite extreme, branding even cooperation between people as “collectivism,” which is
            understandable, given her family history’s loss to the totalitarian system enforced by Stalin. I am NOT saying that Communism is a viable system even without the totalitarianism.

            Her stories are epics of heroism by those who struggle against collectivism, yet she ignores the fact that their triumphs are only possible by the cooperation, and, in essence, the subservience of many to her heroes.

            Lest you think I am very sympathetic to Communism, one of my earliest memories is of my mother laying out for burial 3 of her closest friends and colleagues, killed by peasant Communists outside the city in China we lived in.

            I found that in Ayn’s writings, her heroes accomplished epic feats because of their vision, but her characters were either good, if they followed her ideals, and evil if they didn’t.

            In my view, she ignores the many different shades of motivations, actions, personalities, reasoning, and social contracts that make up humanity and the human condition. I find her characters one dimensional.

            I believe that her stories should be taken as parables, creatively written as pieces of fiction. My opinion is that people who base their philosophies or lives on her writings have drunk a Kool Aid that resembles the stuff put out by LRH.

            Remember, she was a contemporary of his, and her anti-Communism was popular. Remember how LRH tried to exploit that general mood in society?

            At least, she was a much better writer than LRH.

            I’m not a fan of absolutism, be it Fascism, Communism, Ayn Rand’s philosophy, or LRH’s.

            • Still_On_Your_Side

              Wow, that is a powerful memory you have, what a difficult time that must have been for you and your family. I agree with you, there are many different sides to Rand. It is ironic that she is the flag the most extreme conservatives waive to justify cutting all aid to the poor, since they claim that is “big government.” Yet, these same people don’t follow through and help the poor themselves, which is what Rand thought moral people would do. It’s shame Rand herself even forgot what she wrote.

            • Missionary Kid

              The memory had no real effect, other than I was 4 years old and didn’t understand death. While my sister has told me that it affected my mother deeply, her belief was that they had gone to heaven, which was the goal all Christians were to work for, she truly believed they were in a better place.

              The followers of Ayn Rand also seem to have no objection to the collectivism of big corporations. Some wag has said that the reason that some people like Rand’s writing because it gives them an excuse to be rapacious assholes, since they were following their dreams.

            • Bella Legosi

              I see a lot of her time in history and environment had much to do with her thinking. She was a very sharp witted woman, who wrote at a time when it was uncouth to wear pants (as a woman). But, if you think of the time and place she experienced wouldn’t you be of the mind that making yourself something out of nothing (no matter the costs in monetary or human value) is the noblest thing one could hope to achieve? It is an attractive thought, but what is birth out of it is quiet ugly.

            • Missionary Kid

              Realize that at the same time she was wearing pants, so were Bette Davis and Marlene Dietrich. When war broke out, the Rosie the riveter types also wore pants, but only for work.

              To even get out of the USSR under Stalin, Ayn must have been a very convincing liar. If you think sec checks were tough, the Soviets were far tougher. What must have made it worse for her is that her parents had been bourgeoisie, owning several drug stores.

              She ended up getting Social Security, which many of her followers disparage as socialist, and it enabled her to live in her old age. Her sex life was unconventional, too. She was sort of a sexual predator, IMO. That has nothing to do with her ability to write.

              I admire her ability to create characters who are true to their visions and who overcome the restrictions of society, but she suffers from absolutism, which is the enemy of democracy, and a basic part of Communism, Fascism, and $cientology.

            • sugarplumfairy

              I’ve read the Burns and Heller bios of Rand.. She was fascinating.. And totally damaged.. She had the beginnings of a good idea, but wasn’t able to make it work without distorting facts and figures.. But she wrote great books..

              I remember reading a review recently which compared Rand to lrh, and I finally found it again.. From Slate 2009:

              “…The figure Ayn Rand most resembles in American life is L. Ron Hubbard, another crazed, pitiable charlatan who used trashy potboilers to whip up a cult. Unfortunately, Rand’s cult isn’t confined to Tom Cruise and a rash of Hollywood dimwits. No, its ideas and its impulses have, by drilling into the basest human instincts, captured one of America’s major political parties…”

            • Missionary Kid

              I think the quote is right on point.
              I still think she was incapable of writing characters who were very one dimensional. I found them ultimate quite cartoonish because she was preaching. Your mileage may vary.

        • Bella Legosi

          I really do hope that what you have written resonates with those lurking and thinking about blowing!

          The parallels are there and very frightening. And that speaks to the level of control one group can have over a larger group. I find it depressing that there are some genuinely good people out there who get sucked into such old mind control tactics! For me it is unforgivable and evil to take something good (playing on people’s need to better mankind or help mankind do better) and turn it into a giant money machine that morphs into abuse, mind control, and disconnection. I think that is why I have so much disdain for anything scientology. There are abuses in all religions, but to call scientology a religion is in my opinion the first evil thing it has been able to do, because since they were deemed a religion nothing has gotten better on planet earth, more have left corporate Co$, and the level of abuse has risen (The Hole, Lisa, Narconon).

  • Michael Leonard Tilse

    Happy Birthday Tony! Thank you for the present you have given me in the form of your blog, so many times. My wish for you is health and happiness and a job you love so much it is not a ‘job’.

  • DodoTheLaser

    Happy Birthday, Tony!

  • Missionary Kid

    Can someone explain to me why they call an address on South Vermont, which is as much a part of Los Angeles as any place in the city can be, as the Church of $cientology Inglewood Community Center?

    Even the building has nothing about Inglewood on it.

    I’m guessing that somehow the Ingewood org was tied into it.

  • I see Marty is pimping his new book “Memoirs of a Scientology Warrior”. As a former soldier i detest this pussy calling himself a warrior. He was a scientology bully. Their is a difference between a bully and a warrior. I really think he sees himself as some type of hero. Disgusting.

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      It’s just pandering to his “scene” man. Cool cats and Kool cigarettes, yeah.

  • CommunicatorIC

    It appears Vance Woodward has pulled his book, Addicted to Scientology: Overcoming the Ups & Downs of Scientoloholism, from publication: “Pricing information not available.” “This title is not currently available for purchase”
    http://www.amazon.com/Addicted-Scientology-Overcoming-Scientoloholism-ebook/dp/B00A412OGS/

    It appears Vance also took down his web pages for the book and regarding Scientology: “We couldn’t find what you are looking for.”
    http://www.vancewoodward.com/2012/10/22/this-is-scientology-part-1-introduction

    HT – WWP: https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/new-book-addicted-to-scientology-overcoming-the-ups-downs-of-scientoloholism.106358/page-3#post-2310373

    • BuryTheNuts2

      NO VANCE. NOooooooooooo!

      • Observer

        Maybe he’s just doing a major edit or adding stuff. *fingers crossed*

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Oh My God I hope so. Jesus, they have fucked with that poor guy so much already.
          Why would everything be down at once? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

          • not on fb either. I wonder how long ago he filed this story with tony?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              If this ends up being what we don’t want it to be….I swear I am going to bawl like a baby for at least a week!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              If this ends up being what we don’t want it to be….I swear I am going to bawl like a baby for at least a week!

      • Yeah, and just give him his money back. All he ever wanted to be is an auditor and they did nothing but completely jerk him around because he was worth more money on the cans.

    • LOL, yep, we are on the same track here;)

  • Observer

    Off topic, but has anyone heard whether the inevitable fundraising push has started for Vulture Ministers going to Oklahoma City to do touch assists and hand out TWTH?

    • Bella Legosi

      Good point. Someone should warn OC OK about yellow jacketed pests.

  • So, it seems someone on ESMB has noticed that Vances sites are down and his book is no longer on Amazon. Maybe this is just a glitch, or were these interviews with Vance on Dianetics done a while ago?

  • ParticleMom

    Happy Birthday Tony! Here is to a year full of (en)theta and with no restimulated engrams!

  • Jgg2012

    Happy Birthday, Tony!

    • anonymous

      Happy Birthday Tony! You are terrific!

  • Bella Legosi

    I am having a very difficult time trying to find a plausible explanation for this merging of Co$ and NoI. This really does make me wonder if NoI is infiltrating Co$, but what ever for? Same thing goes if the shoe was on the other foot? What would these organizations want with eachother? If it is money and only money I sorta understand, but couldn’t that best be done thru the many “good works” “non church related” businesses and organizations they have?

    I also wondered if it was the relationship between Co$ and NoI have had that got the attention of Homeland Security (or at the very least NSA or FBI/CIA)? I really am stumped as to the true ulterior motive BOTH these gropes have in regards to each other and “faiths”.

    Any theory or elaboration in reply would be highly appreciated. I have tried not to employ my conspiracy theorist theorys, instead trying to find the simple down to earth explanation for this relationship. So far I can only think of black mail and money.

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      After DM got into bed with the mob to launder his massive skim from the scientology scam, he realized he was going to be toast if he couldn’t keep up the cash flow. Seducing the NOI gives him some street cred and shock troops to combat them when he can’t keep the payoff coming.

      • Bella Legosi

        😀

        *tinfoil hat* I wondered if NoI weren’t infiltrating Co$ on behalf of Big Brotha either for brownie points or some mutual agreement for mutual benefits. I can not see how NoI can reconcile their faith with that of Co$, therefore there must be something going on behind the curtain. OH maybe Little Boots has been late on a payment for NoI, he was awfully paranoid when he came to Portland. Chasing Wise Beard Man off from rooftops and all! But sleep with dogs and you get fleas. Little Boots made the mistake sleeping with dogs who have fully armed fleas (who are NOT afraid to USE said arms in front of faithful men, women, and children).
        *tinfoil hat off*

        Interesting! I like your theory better!

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          Have you ever wondered why our fellow conspiracy theorists seem to drift away from us over time? It has bothered me… After much thought and introspection I believe that I have discovered the simple yet astounding answer. They were using Aluminum!

          TIN! only TIN works!

          NOI is a recent thing. Alfredie Johnson and Doug Taylor and other scientologists have been trying to get recognition and a trend going in the african-american community for a long time. They never had great results and there were not many of them in scientology for a long time. But somehow they got to the NOI leader, and gave him some kind of experience that convinced him scientology works.

          He has since been pushing it on the NOI membership, as far as I can tell.

          It may be he wants to use it as a backstop to the religion argument, and if scientology loses their status, they can fall back under the NOI umbrella. I’m not clear how that would work.

          I do think that DM has made some serious mistakes with people who are not easily appeased. That might be what is behind the ideal org rip-off and real estate shell games as well as the crush regging.

          • Bella Legosi

            lol I think you are on to something there! And I stick around! But I am a recovering conspiracy theorist, or try to be……..I still have my moments.

            I could imagine that scientology is really off putting to african americans rich or poor. It is like how before the 70’s african’s were only considered slaves in the Mormon heaven (if I am wrong or taken this out of context, please chime in I only stated such because I do remember reading a lot about this change in the Mormon Church during the Prop 8 debacle) until it was brought up in a court case.

            It’s terrible to ponder what amount of money they have raised for each other and where is the result? Where is the improved conditions? And if they are doing such great things together why doesn’t the public at large know about this? It sounds like a bad joke.

            Two Ministers walk into a bar.

            One is from the Church of Scientology

            The other is from the Nation of Islam……….

            I don’t write jokes and leave it to you fine Bunker Wordsmiths to do that for me…………

            But yeah, I find it just bizarre that these two even function well together. I just talked to one of my uncle’s friend about this not more then 6 minutes ago. And he was shocked that NoI dealt with Co$. If they can break Farrakahn who’s next? jong UN?

            • Still_On_Your_Side

              Who says the CoS broke Farrakhan? It seems that the side getting the most out of the deal is the NOI: $2 million up front, very inexpensive use of CoS resorts, etc., and discounted services. What is the CoS getting?

            • 1subgenius

              “What is the CoS getting?”

              CoS gets the fees for the courses/auditing. Farrakhan get a commission on them.

            • Bella Legosi

              A chance to apply mind control on a whole new bunch of potential clams?

              I read once, that there are now over 1000 NoI Co$ certified auditors. You know they paid money for that and I am guessing that they have been telling people out in the public about scientology as well. The potential for exposure is great for both sides. Especially if both groups feel as if they have been persecuted by society and the government. I don’t see why NoI would essentially “sell out” their faith. Critical pointed out that their (NoI) doctrine isn’t really considered Islam (which I am inclined to agree) so maybe there is that fatal wiggle room Co$ needed to get their foot in the door.

              There are tons of videos on youtube that show Farrakhan gushing about how scientology “civilizes white people” (actual quote). Compare that to some of the rhetoric of 30 years ago and its plain to see Co$ most defiantly did crack that nut that makes up Farrakhan’s mind.

          • stateofcircle

            “But somehow they got to the NOI leader, and gave him some kind of experience that convinced him scientology works”

            My guess is that, honestly, DM showed the NOI leader(s) the scilon checkbook. As Bella says, there doesn’t appear to be a real, legitimate reason for the two groups to unite. And as MLT said, the two groups are dwindling in number and strength, so it would be logical to combine forces somehow, if only for “bodies in the shop”. What I don’t understand is, NOI members can “use” and become members of Scientology, but I don’t see how Scilons can use or become members of NOI. I mean, there’s some pretty non-negotiable criteria to be an NOI member…so, it seems to be a commensalistic relationship where Scilon benefits and NOI doesn’t, save for being able to use the Englewood “Community Center”. I really don’t see how using the “tech” is of much benefit to NOI in principle. The most glaring reason is that Hubbard clearly states that religious figures, such as Allah, are nothing more than implants manufactured by an alien. Also, consider this important NOI principle, which was passed from Wallace Fard Muhammad to Elijah Muhammad:

            “The Nation of Islam continues to teach its followers that the present world society is segmented into three distinct categories. It teaches that from a general perspective, 85% of the world’s people of all races and faiths are the deaf, dumb and blind masses of the people who “are easily led in the wrong direction and hard to lead in the right direction”.These 85% of the masses are said to be manipulated by 10% of the people who are referred to as the rich slave-makers of the masses of the people. Those 10% rich slave-makers are said to manipulate the 85% masses of the people through ignorance, the skillful use of religious doctrine, and the mass media.”

            With everything we know about Scientology, Hubbard and the “tech”, which has been all but proven to manipulate, suppress and brainwash it’s followers into blind (deaf and dumb) submission, it really does go against many, if not all, of the main principles and beliefs of NOI. I also feel that the extreme micromanagement present in the “tech”, especially the admin “tech” the NOI is claiming to use, does not allow members of an organization to have free or independent thought nor does it allow for any real leadership or inspiration. It is an extremely excessive command chain that is designed to stifle all these things. NOI is also claiming to be using and benefiting from auditing, but as we know and have recently gone further in our knowledge with Tony and Jon Atack’s post regarding it’s hypnotic qualities, the main symptom – and arguable the main goal – of auditing it to slowly get a person to submit and be controlled.

            With everything I’ve read about NOI, I truly don’t understand their motives for all of the reasons I’ve mentioned above that are pretty conclusively against NOI’s entire belief structure. So, this leads me to believe that there has to be some sort of financial gain or benefit for NOI. Scientology is already benefiting financially from NOI’s use of the “tech” and increasing their stats.

            • Bella Legosi

              Ah hell if I could up vote this comment 100x I would. That is why I keep coming back to money money money. Your points about the micromanagement present in the “tech” being applied is significant; as is the points as to the view and perspective of the NoI itself. I really can not believe they have double fisted this Kool Aid.

              But they do share some similarity’s like being investigated by various agencies within the US government (and abroad) and being the “bullied”, misunderstood, taken out of context minority. If that is the Elmer’s glue holding this thing together I shudder to think when that glue dries up.

            • Critical

              If you’re referring to the “Allah” of orthodox Islam, that is not a religious figure. “Allah” is simply the generic Arabic word for “god” and is used by not only Muslims, but also Arabic-speaking Jews, Christians, and other faiths. The Islamic concept of “God” is on the same wavelength as that of Judaism as described in the Torah.

              If you’re referring to the NOI concept of “Allah,” they believe God, as in the God of Abraham (Torah, Judeo-Christian Bible, Qur’an) incarnated on Earth in the form of Wallace Fard Muhammad. This is a heretical belief in Islam, obviously, and thus the NOI is rejected as being Muslim by every Islamic organisation.

              Hubbard doesn’t say anything about “Allah” being an implant. He does claim that The Emanator implant is the origin of Islam and that the Prophet Muhammad was “a small town booster that mocked up [made up] Islam only because business wasn’t good in his hometown.”

            • stateofcircle

              But didn’t Hubbard claim all religions as we know them – Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc – to be implants?

    • Two dying , dwindling groups led by men who know that the lay of land means this con might be up . Say a person is thrown off a 50 story building . On the the way down ..falling past the 22nd floor ..someone fires a gun and shoots the person falling past the window and killing them instantly . Person dead either way ..but who is the murderer ? ( sci or nol ?) It is a desperate move. The last pope ( like a couple of months ago pope ) opened up the catholic church to anglicans who did not believe in women priests or same sex marriage because the pews are empty and they need to consolidate . They shunned those fucking savage ( snark ) anglicans for hundreds of years that were totally justifiable in dogma until a few thursdays ago .

      Bad analogy but my daughter is with her auntie for dinner and i have been stressed to i smoked a joint and poured a vodka but i am hoping my very amazing point is not lost on you or anyone else..oh look …something shiny ….!!!!…..

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Much love to you Kim.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Much love to you Kim.

      • Bella Legosi

        No that was a great analogy Kim! Great point about Anglicans and Catholics. My mom’s catholic friend tried telling me the Anglicans disbanded, but I knew better.

        It is desperation and you point that out so very well with your analogy. It too has crossed my mind that two minority controversial religions would meet up and have “each other’s back” so to speak. But I don’t know if desperation cuts it when you start to talk about core faith and doctrine. Sooner or later they will realize that the Kool Aid is really awful combined between the two. Then what? Or if it has happened what on earth is keeping them together? lol See this is why I commented I am really at a loss for an explanation! I keep going on this hamster wheel of logic and end up going nowhere!

        It wasn’t lost on me and I love shiney things, not as much as furry things that meow tho!

      • Bella Legosi

        No that was a great analogy Kim! Great point about Anglicans and Catholics. My mom’s catholic friend tried telling me the Anglicans disbanded, but I knew better.

        It is desperation and you point that out so very well with your analogy. It too has crossed my mind that two minority controversial religions would meet up and have “each other’s back” so to speak. But I don’t know if desperation cuts it when you start to talk about core faith and doctrine. Sooner or later they will realize that the Kool Aid is really awful combined between the two. Then what? Or if it has happened what on earth is keeping them together? lol See this is why I commented I am really at a loss for an explanation! I keep going on this hamster wheel of logic and end up going nowhere!

        It wasn’t lost on me and I love shiney things, not as much as furry things that meow tho!

        • Missionary Kid

          I keep thinking that there is a quid pro quo somewhere here. I’m wondering if the NOI is going to get the building on So. Vermont or something else like that.

      • aquaclara

        Hey, Kim, I am with you. I love your AMAZING point and so sorry that your baby is away. It will get better-at least with your baby. And maybe soon with the cult.
        Enjoy your happy beverage. Take care!

  • JonathanRoberts

    More silly writing by hubbard his use of “Valences” as if his writing or speech carried some air of superiority or scientific knowledge.

    Also what is with the “Dramatizes” Mother/Father
    business? Do you think that possibly his lack of education or intellect made it
    difficult for him to put his writing into the proper context? Or am I totally
    off base an ronnie was a great writer along with being a good con man?

    The reference to the “Primordial Past” that sounds like Carl Jung’s “Collective Unconsciousness” or Basal (caveman) memories. However Jung the Father of analytical psychology would classify one
    who crossed over to the “Primordial” or “Collective Unconsciousness” side of the mind to be what we call insane.

    I think it’s been written that hubbard stole a lot or some of Freud’s concepts. I believe that ole Ronnie boy stole more often from Jung instead.

    Tony you are a Great writer hubbard has appeared to me to have been a horrid elementary school style writer. I have never read any of his books or science fiction paperbacks to conclusion. Have you found most if not
    all of his writing to be as bad as the dianetics drivel?

    Was he that good at being a con man or were people of the era more trusting and susceptible to being manipulated allowing hubbard to set the hook?

    I do feel sympathy for Vance I just don’t see how anyone could have been conned by ronnie the plagiarist nut-job.

    In regards to that community center it is in the Westmont neighborhood just Northwest of Compton. Which in the last 6 months has almost the highest rate of violent crime in LA? Also I can see why they took the picture at night that building is quite drab. It is in such a dangerous area it was also probably best to sneak in at night get a picture and high-tail it out of there. Not an ideal location to draw in new wealthy raw meat.

    One of the singers for the event was attacked by Courtney Love back in 2006 while sleeping on Courtney’s ex-boyfriend’s couch. That is Kristen’s claim to fame the other singer apparently occasionally works with, “The
    Happiness Bands”. It looks like a collection of scientology musical failures a lot of blank eyes to be seen from the performers.

    Tony, do you keep an eye on scientology’s lobbying efforts they are on course to have cut back considerably, a 10 year low. Funny how they found the time & money to lobby on immigration issues. It does make sense
    from the standpoint that they can no longer find fresh meat in this country.

    Happy Birthday Tony you are a good man thank you for all your efforts and time that you take to educate America on the cult of scientology.

    Ps. My apologies for my rant I hope I wasn’t too much trouble:)

  • Happy Birthday Tony!

  • jensting

    I quite liked Vance’s take on “what’s true for you is true for you” i.e. the idea that Hubbard tacitly accepted that “wins” were just made up and that imaging sooper powerz WAS the super power. That’s why I’m sad to no longer see the book at Amazon or the other writings at the blog. (Sorry if this has been covered already, there’s not enough time to load 500 comments in disqus…)

  • mook