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Dianetics is Not Hypnosis — Well, Except For That “You Are Feeling Sleepy” Part

HypnosisWelcome to our ongoing project, where we blog a 1950 first edition of Scientology’s bible, Dianetics, with the help of ex-Scientologist, lawyer, and author Vance Woodward. Go here for the first post in the series.

We’re now getting into a very interesting part of Dianetics. We’re finally going to learn some actual methods of auditing, and L. Ron Hubbard wants us to understand that what he is teaching us is in no way hypnosis.

Of course, when Hubbard is very emphatic about something, you should always figure that the opposite may be true. Let’s take a look at the way he describes how to get a subject into the proper dianetic “reverie”…

Auditor: Look at the ceiling. When I count from one to seven your eyes will close. You will remain aware of everything which goes on. You will be able to remember everything that happens here. You can pull yourself out of anything which you get into if you don’t like it. All right (slowly, soothingly): One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three (patient’s eyes close and eyelids flicker), four, five, six, seven. (Auditor pauses; installs canceller.) All right, let us go back to your fifth birthday… (work continues until the auditor has worked the patient enough for the period)…Come to present time. Are you in present time? (Yes.) (Use canceller word.) When I count from five to one and snap my fingers you will feel alert. Five, four, three, two, one. (Snap.)

Yeah, Vance, we see what he means. Nothing like the hypnosis shows we’ve seen on stage. We can’t believe anyone thought there was any similarity at all!

VANCE: For sure. While I was hooked on Scientology I reasoned my way out of this issue by telling myself that the important difference between hypnosis and auditing is that, with hypnosis, the hypnotist implants ideas into the patient, whereas with auditing the patient undertakes a journey of self-discovery. So, it’s not so much that auditing is different than hypnosis in all imaginable ways. It’s different only in one way: with auditing the goal is to put the person in control of themselves rather than superimposing yet more compulsion and repression on top of already existing compulsions and repressions. Think of it as being like a long mathematical equation and then adding in a negative sign at the beginning. In a sense it’s the same thing, but in a sense it’s the opposite thing.

If only it were true. The reality is that Scientology zealously micromanages its user’s “cognitions” (Hubbard-speak for realizations). So, the supposed distinction between hypnosis and auditing is, ultimately, illusory. Welcome to Cult Studies 101.

THE BUNKER: The other important thing to take from this chapter is Hubbard’s idea of what a snap clearing away the reactive mind should be. For our non-Scientology readers or those who may have not been following along throughout this series, Hubbard proposed that there’s a nefarious part of our minds that takes over when we’re unconscious, recording things people say while we’re knocked cold in the most literal and damaging ways possible. These recordings are called engrams, and they get “restimulated” later in ways that interfere with our lives. In Dianetics, the goal is to travel back into the past and find out where we picked up those engrams, experience them again, and in that way make them harmless — in this way the reactive mind itself can be cleared away.

But Hubbard says that there are potentially so many engrams that have accumulated throughout your life, how can you begin to clear them away? His answer: by going immediately to the first ones that you picked up in your prenatal state. In 1950, when this book first came out, Hubbard and his followers seemed most interested in somehow “remembering” their experiences as sperm, egg, and zygote, and discovering what engrams were picked up as mommy and daddy fought and fornicated while you hugged the uterine wall.

Get your preclear back to that point, he tells potential new auditors, and you’ve reached the tip of a pyramid of engramic material…

The auditor will find it expedient to work in the prenatal area and as early in that as possible. If he can clear the time from conception to birth, including birth, his task is nine-tenths complete. To clear the entire reactive bank is his goal. The reactive bank is like a pyramid which is fairly well armored everywhere but just under the point, and which becomes unarmored when the point is contacted. This is taking the reactive bank in an exposed sector.

Once you’ve begun to unravel the engrams at that start point, the rest roll up quite easily. As he said at the outset, Hubbard expected that it would take only about 20 hours of auditing in order to make someone a “clear.”

So Vance, that must sound awfully optimistic for Scientologists today, who spend years and years (and hundreds of thousands of dollars) trying to clear away engrams not just from their time in the womb, but along their entire “whole track” of lifetimes, going back billions and trillions of years. Is it jarring for them to read Dianetics today and see that Hubbard thought making a clear would be such a snap?

VANCE: I found it more disappointing than jarring. But first of all I should clarify that the whole-track past-life stuff isn’t particularly the focus of auditing until after a person goes Clear. In other words, time and money spent auditing out body thetans shouldn’t exactly be counted as lengthening the road to Clear.

Nevertheless, going Clear is much much more time consuming and costly (ka-ching!) than Hubbard estimated in Dianetics. When reading Hubbard’s low estimate, I figured there could be a few possible reasons for it. For instance, Scientology users frequently talk in saucer-eyed amazement about Hubbard’s auditing skills. As you probably know, Hubbard frequently said that bad results in Scientology stem solely from wrong application of the “tech.” In other words, “you’re doing it wrong.” So, I figured the estimate was a reflection of Hubbard’s skill (and everyone else’s lack of it).

Also, I figured modern Scientology auditing techniques were more reliable, though longer. In other words, I figured that, for Dianetics to work, an auditor would have to be quite intelligent and savvy. In comparison, I figured that the IQ barrier to becoming a competent Scientology auditor was lower so more people could learn to do it. (Boy was I ever right … or wrong … definitely confused.)

I imagine a lot of users get a little bummed that they don’t go Clear as easily as Hubbard promised. I did in any case. Thankfully, the prime targets in Scientology auditing are doubts one might have about the efficacy of Hubbard’s directions (or sanity). That saved me from those troublesome suspicions that Hubbard was a gigantic blowhard. I mean, at least I got that much peace of mind from my auditing.

THE BUNKER: And what price can you put on peace of mind? Especially when it comes in 12.5-hour packages.

Next week — Dianetics: Super Colon Blow For Your Mind

 
——————–

What Would Scientology Be Like If It Told the Truth About Itself?

A tip of the hat to Possibly Helpful Advice, who turned up this overlooked gem from 2008. What a great editing job of the 2007 IAS spectacular, when David Miscavige revealed “The Basics” with Tom Cruise and John Travolta in the front row…

 

 
Speaking of oldies but goodies, we were recently made aware of this gem from 2011, when Scientologists picketed outside the home of former church member Samantha Domingo in Southern England. The Scientologists were particularly hacked off that Domingo had welcomed as houseguests former church spokesman Mike Rinder and fellow former member Christie Collbran. Please pay special attention to the way the Scientologist picketers have brought along a young child to help, um, make their point, or something…

 

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on April 26, 2013 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, please e-mail our webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

 

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  • 1subgenius

    The infomercial is one of my favorites. Very well done, and very effective.

    • sugarplumfairy

      I love Katie’s enthusiasm, sitting there proudly next to her man.. She’d rather be having root canal, I think..

      • 1subgenius

        Sure looks like she had made up her mind by that point.

      • Observer

        I can’t imagine what she must have felt like when she realized the enormity of her mistake in marrying Big Being #3.

        • EnthralledObserver

          horror… and STUPIDity…

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I love her in that video. She exudes her disdain in such an obvious way it makes me adore her!
        Her face is priceless!

        • Poison Ivy

          How close to “the end” was that? Katy really looks like she’s the only one who recognizes there’s an elephant in the room.

        • Poison Ivy

          How close to “the end” was that? Katy really looks like she’s the only one who recognizes there’s an elephant in the room.

          • Sidney18511

            I froze the film when the camera zoomed over her, and I have to say…everyone looks like happy brainwashed smiling clams, clapping their hands and hooting. Except Katie.
            She knew folks. She knew.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Actually, that was only about two years into her marriage. So she figured it out early on. It sure took some time to engineer that escape, eh?

            • TheNextMrsTomCruise

              She was careful. She knew she wasn’t leaving without her child. My respect for her just keeps growing, but is not yet big enough to buy any of her overpriced clothing line.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Meh!, with a couple of exceptions (the more classic pieces), I am not all that impressed.

            • Roger Larsson

              When I was in scientology I introduced my sister into an event in $cientology. She smelled “Hitler” She was right and I was brainwashed.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              But you got out Roger! That is what is important!

            • Poison Ivy

              I think she was still buying it in some way. Maybe not buying Scientology, but buying Tom, Because she WANTED to buy Tom. After all, he was Tom! And he was SO IN LOVE with her! And they had this perfect little daughter together! And riches galore…and I’m sure there were promises of her getting a career just like Nicole Kidman’s. Maybe she wasn’t all on board with Scientology (despite all his efforts in brainwashing!) but I’m sure she WANTED to believe she’d done the right thing with her life, nevertheless. It’s nice to have that little moment in time on film, where you can see her inner voice shouting to her loud and clear “Run Away!!”

          • RMycroft
            • FistOfXenu

              and still they couldn’t tell it was in the room.

            • RMycroft

              Strangely none of those blind guys have a working nose. Otherwise they’d know that Scientology was in the room.

        • stillgrace

          Is this the moment?

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Sweet!

          • aquaclara

            Says Katie, with a sideways glance at her husband, “Stop harping about me having a tone problem, ok, Tom. I am clapping just like Jessica taught me.”

  • Observer

    For the umpteenth time I wish Mr. Lafayette Ron Hubbard were here to personally experience the mockery, joking and degrading, scorn, contempt and fury he so richly deserves for his evil stupidity. “This isn’t hypnosis. Now just relax while I hypnotize you.” Aaaaargh!

    Once again Scientologists underwhelm with their Confront and Shatter Suppression Tech. Rinder the Filthy SP was far more enturbulational. Maybe if they’d been hypnotized … er, had some Dianetic auditing before they went they’d have been more dauntless, defiant and resolute in their picketing. Instead they looked like they were ready to wet their pants when Rinder came out. They come by it honestly though. It’s in Scientology’s DNA. Their beloved Source ran and hid from confrontation, except when dealing with his mind-controlled thralls. Then he consigned kids to the bilge and threw people overboard or had said thralls do his dirty work for him. What an ethical guy!

    • EnthralledObserver

      I want to ‘laf’ at Laf-ayette… for sure.

      • FistOfXenu

        Laugh-at Ron Hubbard. I like it.

        • Poison Ivy

          By the way is anyone else having trouble w/getting comments to work in Chrome?

        • Captain Howdy

          Ron foolery

          • Casabeca

            Love this!

    • Poison Ivy

      LRH would be out of his mind in rage and fury if he were to read all the ridicule. Remember that incident when one of his friends called him on his tall tales, saying “Ron, I’ve added up all the years from your various adventures and that would make you at least 84 by now”? He didn’t laugh it off, he was furious.
      Hubbard couldn’t take a joke about himself.
      COB cant’ either, but COB takes himself so seriously (after all, he’s never been out in the “real world” like Hubbard had been) that most of the fact that he is the laughing stock of the world has just passed right over him. I’m sure he thinks it’s blind envy, or “the bank”, or something.
      LRH would’ve been fully aware.
      That would’ve been nice indeed.

  • Should I feel sorry for that sad bunch of losers picketing Sam’s house? If I really was the kindly, compassionate and tolerant person I’d like to be, I’d be overflowing with sympathy for their unfortunate plight of being brain-dead, idiots, merely sheep following the sheep in front of them as they march into the abattoir of Scientology.

    But as I fall far short of the lofty ideals of how I’d like to be, I can only laugh in a contemptuous way at their asinine behavior.

    I feel sad for the little girl though. I hope she hasn’t been sucked into the slimy morass of Scientology indoctrination and that her parents have come to their senses and left the horrible and evil ‘Church’.

    Andrew

    • sugarplumfairy

      I hope so too..

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Every time I see a kid in one of these video’s or pictures it makes me sick. When I read this today I flashed back to my younger years and how much of this stuff I believed was actual science. Really! I truly believed that what happened in the womb had this huge impact on your life. Yep, If a parent tells you something…..it must be true? right? Everyone of those little kids we see will end up having to process and shake off the lies at some point.
      It sucks hind tit!!!!

      • TheNextMrsTomCruise

        BTN, you are an icon of sanity. If all the $cientological offspring turn out like you, imagine the derision we could heap upon wee Davey!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Wow, I don’t think anyone has ever called me an “icon of sanity”!!!! I am saving a screenshot of this to show the medics the next time they try to 5150 me.

          • monkeyknickers

            You should let them! You’ll get a shot of something relaxing and then you can take a couple days off! It’s the frugal approach to vacation.

          • FistOfXenu

            Don’t get too excited BTN. You were being compared to $cientarCONon.

            But that’s okay. Sane in comparison to $cientarCONon is a great thing.

        • Poison Ivy

          TNMTC, you have a competitor in the house. Her name is “Taffy” and she writes for the NYT Magazine.

          • aquaclara

            NYT should replace Taffy Twitbrain with the sorority sister email blaster. THAT was funny. A little harsh with the language, but she got her point across.
            PS heard sorority sis is no longer a member of the sorority.

    • Ms. B. Haven

      “If I really was the kindly, compassionate and tolerant person I’d like to be, I’d be overflowing with sympathy for their unfortunate plight… But as I fall far short of the lofty ideals of how I’d like to be, I can only laugh in a contemptuous way at their asinine behavior.”

      So true Mr. Robertson. There is nothing like encountering scientologists to cause one’s basic human instincts of kindness and compassion to go into a tailspin. I always experience an instant visceral reaction when I receive mail or a phone call. It takes a tremendous effort to turn those unpleasant encounters into something positive.

    • grundoon

      “the mental and moral abattoir of Scientology”

      Another memorable phrase – Andrew, you have a knack!

  • EnthralledObserver

    How embarrassing and horrifying is it to realise once a scieno auditor is an ex-scieno that they were hypnotising people in order to bring about euphoric feelings as the part of the bait in this trap?
    Brings a whole new meaning to mind bending, innit?

    • Spackle Motion

      That’s assuming that the former auditor actually comes to that realization. SOME of the exes still have their heads fixated in their behinds and believe that they are doing great things to people with auditing, even outside the cult.

      • Poison Ivy

        Well, that’s Marty, isn’t it? And many of the exes who still believe that the emeter knows more about you than you do?

  • Ze Moo

    Yoo, Tony, the home page of the bunker does not have headlines or intros for the last 2 stories. Something wrong with the homepage? I found the last two stories by reading your tweat column.

    • EnthralledObserver

      Mine works… it’s just your wonky computer and/or service… :p

      • EnthralledObserver

        gee that sounded mean… soz

        • sugarplumfairy

          No it didn’t.. But I have to share this and it may sound mean.. I had to google “soz” and this is the definition from ‘urban dictionary’.. Not sharing to be mean, just thought it was hilarious..

          “SOZ: Nonsensical internet slang term for “sorry”, used by illiterate morons who for some reason substitute a “z” for “rry”, the latter of which would take an entire quarter of a second to type out.”

      • It’s a random thing. Sometimes the heading pictures appear sometimes they don’t. The irritating thing I find is when the comments section doesn’t appear, just those three gear wheels rotating interminably.

        Never mind, refreshing the page four or five times fixes it. There is a timing issue here relating to making the page work on proper PC’s and those silly telephones.

        For me, I use a desktop and Firefox for accessing the Internet and my telephone for old-fashioned voice communication.

        Andrew

        • Captain Howdy

          Jeez Andrew, don’t get me started on Firefox. They should change the name to CPUHog or Memory Pig. And chrome isn’t much better.

          • I use the alpha version of Firefox called Mozilla Aurora which updates every day in a valiant attempt to improve itself. Eventually these improvements filter back down to the beta version and then to Firefox proper.

            I also use the alpha version of Thunderbird for my e-mail client called Earlybird which walks the same path:

            Aurora is here:

            http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/aurora/

            Andrew

        • Poison Ivy

          Isn’t anybody on a Mac?

          • Captain Howdy

            Working girls all across America

          • BuryTheNuts2

            DeLiz uses a mac.

          • me – safari was messing up disques so i downloaded chrome – all good now

      • Ze Moo

        It forced a reload and the past 2 headlines and intros came up on the home page. I was seeing a cached copy of the Tuesday page with the correct twitter column. Worldpress may still be under hack attack…

    • Captain Howdy

      That’s been happening to me for weeks. If I click on my quick link or the internet link sometimes it takes me to yesterdays story and I have to check T.O’s tweet for the newest one.

      • Observer

        Same here

      • Observer

        Same here

        • Sidney18511

          I hit the “home” button and then pick up the newest story there. Did you try that?

          • Observer

            Yep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It happens on my computer, phone and iPad.

      • aquaclara

        If we’re polling, mine’s working fine today on both desktop and Ipad. Yesterday started with a day late, but corrected itself pretty quickly.

    • Captain Howdy

      That’s been happening to me for weeks. If I click on my quick link or the internet link sometimes it takes me to yesterdays story and I have to check T.O’s tweet for the newest one.

    • Spackle Motion

      I was having problems too. The “African Queen” story was consistently the first post whenever I went to the “home” page, and it was like that for days. I can’t recall what I clicked yesterday but it suddenly went away.

    • TonyOrtega

      Don’t know what to say. None of these problems ever happen for me. I’m running a Windows 7 laptop with Firefox, and my phone is a Galaxy 3, and both of them always show the home page completely updated and with all art. I know Scott is constantly monitoring the site and looking for improvements, but it sounds like people are generally having cache updating problems. I wish I knew a simple answer.

      • Ze Moo

        You just hit the reload button and it usually clears up. Worldpress has been under a botnet attack and may still be having problems. All in all, the blog is working ok.

      • Spackle Motion

        Tony, someone at WWP posted that your tag categories that are listed on your home page aren’t working properly. I can’t find the comment, but I recall it being about the Vance series not showing up in the right tag category at the top of the screen.

        • TonyOrtega

          Just checked it. Works for me. (Shrugs.)

      • Poison Ivy

        I have having problems with comments on Chrome. Maybe a cache flush is the answer.

        • Poison Ivy

          Tried it – it worked!

          • ParticleMom

            Thanks, I’ll try that. I’ve also been getting the mobile version on the computer and the full version on the iPad. So strange…

          • ParticleMom

            Thanks, I’ll try that. I’ve also been getting the mobile version on the computer and the full version on the iPad. So strange…

    • Sherbet

      No problems here, and I’m running the same as Tony (minus the phone).

      • Ditto (plus the same phone.) No problems on Chrome, Firefox or IE.

  • 1subgenius

    Scientology is an automated system of hypnotizing people to hypnotize people without knowing they are doing it.

    Truly evil.

    • The TRs themselves were developed to teach auditors how to induce a trance state in a preclear. The state of IN SESSION (“interested in own case and willing to talk to the auditor”), which is the end product of the use of TRs on a preclear, is a hypnotic state.

      When you tell that to a Scientologist they will kick and scream and call you an SP. It is the OPPOSITE of what Hubbard taught them, so you must me an SP for saying that.

      Until they become an Ex-Scientologist. Then there aren’t any SPs any more and auditing is hypnosis.

      Ding!

      Alanzo

  • Captain Howdy

    Is it legal to stand in the road and protest in the U.K? I thought protests had to be confined to a sidewalk. Anyway, ways to have fun (A) super soakers (shoot at their feet, make them dance) (B) firecrackers (not aimed at anyone) (C) A really big dog on a lease when engaging the clams

    • A counter-picket might be effective. Especially with blank signs. Ted Mayett, once staff at the Vegas Org then subsequently dauntless, defiant and resolute solo picketer, invented the blank sign tech and it drove the Org staff bananas because they couldn’t ‘Word Clear’ it!

      Andrew

      • Ze Moo

        That is hilarious. LIke a Rorschach test with white on white.

    • Observer

      Again with the new avatar!

      • Captain Howdy

        You are getting sleepy…

        • Observer

          Zzzzzzzzzzzz

        • Poison Ivy

          Who is your new avatar?

          • Captain Howdy

            Ms. Hollywood doesn’t recognize my av? I thought it would be so easy.

          • Peter Cushing. Love me some old Christopher Lee Dracula movies.

            • love your avi 😉

            • Yours rocks as well. *g*

            • aquaclara

              Twins!

            • Captain Howdy

              And we have a WINNER folks! Your prize is a quadrillion Howdy bucks redeemable in Zimbabwe.

            • I’ll spend them well, if not wisely. *g*

            • FistOfXenu

              Gotta love Disqus and the Musical Comments game.

      • Spackle Motion

        I think that avatar is Frank Booth from Blue Velvet.

        • Captain Howdy

          Dat wus yesterday you silly wabbit.

          • Observer

            Peter Cushing, but he’ll always be Grand Moff Tarkin to me …

    • jensting

      The proper authorities tend to advice against it. Strongly. Of course, the clams do not try to have police presence. proesters against the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology are delighted to have the police there 🙂
      Look up “Bonnie Woods scientology apology” to see how much trouble the clams have been getting themselves and the aforementioned criminal organisation into by protesting at critics’ residences with signs full of lies.

  • Sherbet

    I love Vance Woodward Day!

  • BosonStark

    Without the Dianutty reverie, I have a feeling you wouldn’t have dazed clams clapping their brains out ,pretending they’re the elite who have “all the answers,” thanks to a nutty sci-fi writer who lied a lot.

  • Ze Moo

    “I am not hypnotizing you”. “I am not hypnotizing you”. “I am not hypnotizing you”. “I am not hypnotizing you”. “Do you now remember being in the womb and your Daddy hitting your Mother?” This type of nonsense was called ‘recovered memories’ and they put a few people in jail until psychologists called bullshit on it.

    “This is taking the reactive bank in an exposed sector.” Lrooons explanations for what auditing is and does are so fuzzy it could mean anything. No wonder he dislikes mental health professionals.

    • Roger Larsson

      If Ron Hubbard’s parents hadn’t been hypnotized by the moon, by the stars and by the universe, the
      evening Ron Hubbard was made they had played alpha pet or something like that instead.

  • SFFrog

    This reminds me of a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 quote: “Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I’m *not* an alien!”

  • Hubbard admitted that all auditing was hypnosis in his next book, Science of Survival:

    “Returning back down the track slightly increases the suggestibility of any person.”
    (L Ron Hubbard, Science Of Survival, Book II, p.228)

    Increasing the suggestibility of people and turning them into somnambulant slaves is the childish temptation of anyone who learns hypnosis. Hypnotists consider anyone who would tell his patient that he was not hypnotizing them – while he was hypnotizing them – as committing a severe breach of trust. And they consider anyone who would do that to their patients to be a criminal, and the lowest of the low.

    And you should never trust a hypnotist.

    So where does that put L Ron Hubbard?

    Alanzo

    • 1subgenius

      Nice find.

      And a note on the oft repeated, “You can’t make anyone do anything under hypnosis that they wouldn’t do normally.”

      We are all capable of doing anything.

      • Poison Ivy

        Tragically true.

      • RMycroft

        And that’s why you have to lay some groundwork first, like redefining ethical, and a number of other concepts–all those things that would normally tell the person that “this is wrong”.

  • RMycroft

    A little more detail on that it’s-not-hypnotism canceller:

    ‘To make doubly sure, for we want no hypnotism, even by accident, the auditor installs a canceller.

    […]

    ‘It is installed immediately after the condition of reverie is established. A canceller is worded more or less as follows: “In the future, when I utter the word Cancelled, everything which I have said to you while you are in a therapy session will be cancelled and will have no force with you. Any suggestion I have made to you will be without force when I say the word Cancelled. Do you understand?”‘

    L Ron Hubbard, Dianetics The Modern Science Of Mental Health, 1950

    Not at all like a hypnosis canceller, right?

    • Observer

      But if he gives the “canceller” during a “therapy session”, and everything said during that “therapy session” is cancelled, wouldn’t the “canceller” be cancelled as well?

      • Ze Moo

        As long as the check isn’t cancelled all is well in the Hubtard universe.

        • Poison Ivy

          🙂

    • It is interesting to note that “The Canceller” is standard practice in Book 1 style auditing only. No other auditing procedure after 1950 has a canceller.

      So, by 1951, the Canceller had been cancelled in Dianetics, and never appeared in Scientology. Few scientologists notice this. There was this huge problem in 1950 where people might slip into hypnotic trances from auditing. So that was what the canceller was for. Then the canceller disappeared and ….what?

      The thinking of a the Scientologist rarely goes that far.

      “Auditing is the opposite of hypnosis!”

      “So where’s the canceller after 1951”?

      Pause. Eye shift.

      “….Auditing is the opposite of hypnosis!”

      Alanzo

      • RMycroft

        “….Auditing is the opposite of hypnosis!”

        That’s one of Scientology’s dogmas.

        “Scientology doesn’t have any dogmas!”

        And that’s another one.

      • grundoon

        “Capitalism is man against man. Communism is exactly the opposite.”

  • Captain Howdy

    So did “Possibly Helpful Advice” create the “What if Scientology actually made a TRUTHFUL infomercial?” because the name attributed to it on YouTube is “XenuExposed”.

    • Spackle Motion

      I think it may be a mirror. That video has been circulating for awhile.

      • 1subgenius

        I’ve also mirrored it.
        Needs virality.
        Make that happen.

      • I just watched it. It was a powerful and brilliant production. Humour, bathos and a terrible sadness combined

        A powerful mixture.

        Andrew

      • Captain Howdy

        I’m aware of that. I just hate to see some kool aid drinker get credit for “discovering” something that was shown as recently as a month ago on here and has been numerous times before that. I’m just bitching..nevermind.

        • Poison Ivy

          It is a truly powerful video. It gives you a true reality check, to think about what those people in the room are REALLY cheering and clapping for…
          …This video should be seen by every person who WAS in that room…whether in or out. I think it could have a strong affect.

    • TonyOrtega

      No, Possibly just put it on his blog this week, also saying that it was a great piece from the past. That’s where I noticed it. Possibly is an indie who runs a very funny blog. But the video was done by an anon in the heady days of 2008 when Chanology was still new.

  • Spackle Motion

    I never get tired of seeing that Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes Scientology event where Tom is clapping like a brainwashed moron and Katie looks tired and unsure of her surroundings. I am not sure of the date of that event, but I always thought that her lack of enthusiasm showed some big cracks in their relationship regarding Scientology, and this may have been correct.

    • Sherbet

      Katie is thinking: “Geez, Tom’s leaping up and clapping like a hyperactive 2-year-old, gazillionaire Davey is grinning like a moron, all these other people are deluded and empty-headed, and where’s Shelly? This is a pep rally from hell. I’ll just pretend to applaud politely for the camera, but I’m not going to like it. Maybe I can make my way to the ladies’ room and hide…nah, there are probably guards with Uzis in there…”

      • Spackle Motion

        Was this the event where Miscavige stupidly talked about having to change punctuation and the re-releasing all of the Basics? I recall Katie in that event too, and I thought I saw the same look on her face.

        I wonder if she got into trouble for her low toned behavior.

        • Sherbet

          I don’t know. I was trying to remember what she was wearing.

        • TonyOrtega

          Yeah, the 2007 IAS event, when Miscavige revealed “The Basics.” Pretty sure that’s where all the video of the event comes from. Would have been October of that year in England, I think.

          • Sherbet

            And Katie hung on another 5 years. Amazing.

            • Spackle Motion

              It is not likely that they spent a lot of time together (like a normal married couple). I’d read in the gossip rags that she had her own house in LA as early as 2009. Married celebrity actors (A Listers) are usually traveling and working apart for months at a time. I suspect this is one (of many) reasons why Hollywood marriages don’t usually last very long.

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              Funny, I would think that would be why they even last as long as they do.

            • Observer

              Zing!

            • Spackle Motion

              Remember, that longevity most likely = payout. I think she plotted her divorce for quite some time so that she could raise her daughter without worrying too much about money.

            • 1subgenius

              She did it right. Not quick.

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              She must have agonized over the tradeoffs: how long do I let my daughter be raised and surrounded by KA-drinking Sci-bots versus how do we plan for a clean gettaway without dragging the wrath of OSA behind us for the rest of our lives. My gut reaction would be to run! She, with her fathers help, made a smart, strategic move.

            • Poison Ivy

              She was more fortunate than many other Sci brides and grooms.

            • MarionDee

              In my book, that woman kicks some serious ass.

            • Missionary Kid

              Who knows what was in the prenup? I’m willing to bet that after talking to her father and Nichole surreptitiously, she stayed long enough to gather some real damaging information (or at least stuff that would make them look bad) on the Tommy and Davie boys. She also could have stayed that long to fulfill terms of the prenup as to duration of the marriage.

              I’m willing to bet she had TC and Co$ by the short hairs when she filed. They settled VERY quickly.

            • Missionary Kid

              It can also be the reason that a marriage lasts that long.

              Being together 24/7/365 can really expose a spouses foibles and lead to quicker dissolution of a marriage.

            • I hear tell that mind-control flying saucer cults can be pretty tough on marriages too.

            • Missionary Kid

              A friend of mine stayed married their spouse for 20 years, probably because they both traveled a lot and spent significant time apart because of business. They’re still friends.

              I think they would have divorced about 5 years before if they hadn’t spent so much time apart.

            • monkeyknickers

              Exactly. When I finally moved in with my husband (we both had studios for our work and didn’t consolidate for years. IT WAS AWESOME.) . . . yeah, so when we finally moved in together, I didn’t even have time to unpack the boxes before the whole thing went supernova. Also, tho, it was a big airy space and I’m pretty sure that the open floor plan has ruined many marriages. 🙂

            • Missionary Kid

              What also happens is that by not being around a person all that much, the foibles that are simply easy to ignore start to grate.

              Sometimes, when living apart, one person doesn’t try to assert dominance over or manipulate the other person, and that changes when people spend more time together.

              Think of all the couples who’ve lived together, unmarried, for years, and as soon as they get married, they break up. I used to know a Unitarian minister who, when a couple who were in that state, would come to him to have them marry would ask them, “Why not leave things the way they are?” Then he would have them tell him what they thought would change if they got married. He said that it led to some interesting discussions.

            • FistOfXenu

              Or it can lead to 40+ very happy years together MK. 🙂

            • Missionary Kid

              Yup. The smart couples don’t expect the spouses to move through life in lock step together. They realize how important it is to have different interests.

            • Poison Ivy

              It is indeed one reason, and it’s a tough one. I’ve changed my whole lifestyle so that Mr. Poison Ivy and I can travel together whenever possible. Then there’s the problem of living one’s life in the public eye. Another reason – perhaps the most common one – is that two narcissists marrying one another often don’t make healthy pairings.

            • Casabeca

              Sorry, PI, accidental down vote, using an I pad. Whoops!

            • 1subgenius

              But she ended up saving her daughter. Probably took 5 years to arrange it.

            • MarionDee

              Well, fear can render you absolutely motionless.

    • monkeyknickers

      I watched it twice just for that reason. 🙂 Tom Cruise looks like one of those cymbal banging monkey toys. Or a seal.

      • Midwest Mom
        • monkeyknickers

          Awesome! And – frightening.

        • Observer

          MWM, that is almost Hubbardian in its evil.

        • Captain Howdy

          I love those things, so creepy. Just think what fun I could have with cats.

          • Spackle Motion

            Cats are such fun to mess with. Last night I was having a ball putting up YouTube cat videos on my screen and watching my cat freak out and try to find the source of the cat noises. She was convinced that there were kittens underneath my laptop for several hours afterward and kept coming back to check. They are too easy.

            • Captain Howdy

              I had a cat who use to launch himself at the TV screen every time there was a bird on the screen.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            http://youtu.be/WxTsudqfupc
            Needs Monkey Couch Guardian.

            • FistOfXenu

              Oprah should’ve had that when TC was on the show.

        • FistOfXenu

          Let me guess MWM, you somehow smuggled the secret training video titled “How to behave when David Miscavige speaks” out of $cientarCONon? Good work!

      • monkeyknickers

        And I’ve always wanted to “postulate” this, a la The Emperor’s New Clothes – why can’t we get 4 or 5 people into these events with small megaphones, and during breaks in Miscavige’s endless monologue, they shout out things like, “This guy is bankrupting us!” or “He just wants your money!” or . . . . .”He is a tiny person and his haircut is oddly disturbing!” That kind of thing.

        • Missionary Kid

          Better: We love Xenu.

          • FistOfXenu

            Why thanks, MK! 🙂

            • Missionary Kid

              Someone also suggested blank protest signs to screw with clams who would drive themselves nuts trying to word clear them. The wogworld would just think it was weird, but clamworld has its own self-referencing logic, and, since they don’t have a sense of humor, it will piss them off.

              Someone else pointed out that when the L.A. Times printed the intergalactic crap and nobody fainted or died at the paper that it started them doubting.

              My answer to Bob74 or 69 or whatever when they post some Co$ drekspin is “Nice sarcasm.” I’ve used the tactic elsewhere, and it frustrates the person posting the BS to no end. If a statement is really meant that way, they’ll say thanks, or correct me.

        • grundoon

          The entire audience mentally shouts these things already, enough to psychically deafen any true OT in the vicinity, alternating these originations with inward self-handlings: “Alright. I’ll repeat the auditing command.” It’s like 3 hours of solo TR4, and the best part is that it’s free, if you can slip past the regs on your way out.

  • N. Graham

    In the Davey video, is Kirstie Alley doing an imitation of the Green Monster of Fenway Park? Sure looks like it.

    • Sherbet

      Don’t you dare insult our beloved Fenway Park.

      • FistOfXenu

        Besides anything else there’s enough wall there for all the $cientarCONonists in the world to have a wall to do their patter drills all at the same time.

        The Bosox better watch out or DM’s gonna want to buy it.

        • Sherbet

          I know a man who runs the manual scoreboard inside the Green Monster. It would be a hoot for a scn to be doing a patter drill at the wall, AND THE WALL TALKS BACK.

          • FistOfXenu

            “Leave. $cientology. NOW!” Tone 40

  • Anonymookme

    Most cringe worthy moment of the Sciloon video? Watching Nancy Cartwright jumping up & down & clapping like a deranged, trained seal.

    • 1subgenius

      I’ve heard she’s considered beautiful on Saturn.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        Saturn, eh? Can you get frequent flyer miles for going there exterior?

      • Anonymookme

        I’ll have to take your word for that.
        When I watched that video, all I could think was that normal people would feel such shame & humiliation at standing up & mindlessly clapping for this oh so obvious bullshit. What is it that makes these Sciloon celebs so painfully un-self aware.
        I mean really, the superiority that they all must feel at being front row at a Sciloon rally is in reality one of life’s most embarrassing moments.
        My God, what is wrong with these people?

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          Now think about an entire country saying, “Heil Hitler!”

          • Poison Ivy

            Touché Prefer. Too true. There is a difference of course – in CO$, they all seem giddy and playful, not militantly and murderously serious.

            • Anonymookme

              They seem more dead eyed & zombie like than giddy and playful to me. Oh, and stupid. Really, really stupid.

      • FistOfXenu

        I’ve heard she’s considered beautiful by Satan”

        FIXED
        😛

    • Missionary Kid

      Maybe she identifies with DM because they’re both SPs (Short People).

    • Dwayners13

      If you watch just a few seconds earlier, you’ll notice Katie Holmes does not seem to share Nancy’s enthusiasm for David’s announcement.

  • Ms. B. Haven

    “I imagine a lot of users get a little bummed that they don’t go Clear as easily as Hubbard promised.”

    No shit. I love this ‘blogging dianetics’ series on Fridays, it always takes me for a little stroll down memory lane, and not always in a pleasant way. Back in the day, I managed to slog thru some of the dianetics book, and when it came time for me to get some auditing I always wondered why the ‘reverie’ thing didn’t work for me. I was never able to ‘get into it’. I figured that I was what scientologists call a ‘dog pc’.

    When the early stuff didn’t work 100% as advertised, other processes were invented. After those were found to be unworkable 100% of the time, other reasons (excuses) were found. These included, drug use, involvement in other practices, out-ethics, being pts, etc. Turns out none of these applied to me. I was just a good ol’ no-case-gain, suppressive person all along.

    Now that I am ‘out’ and I am free to live my life the way that I want to, I feel better than I ever did while being a scientologist. I wish those still ‘in’ all the best, but sadly no one will ever attain the state of clear, no matter what the ever evolving definition of clear might be. 20 hours to attain the state of clear using ‘book 1’? Most people will still be dealing with ashtrays and bottles after 50 hours.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Ms. B, how long did it take you to “clear” the cobwebs and feel better? It is interesting to watch the hardest core KA drinkers –evvverrrr sooooo slowwwwwllyyyy– come to the realizations. Like Marty. He’s letting us see his thought process as he re-examines all of the doctrine; I think he is getting there in his own way and in his own time. And, he seems to be leading others there as well. There must be a cerebral pretzel-making machine inside that brain of his. Eventually, I hope, that machine will have an electronic incident and he can see the entirety of it. I suppose some arrive and wrestle with it through mental gymnastics–some through heart gymnastics. And some, unfortunately, not at all.

      • Poison Ivy

        True. It’s clear Marty is having a very hard time leaving LRH behind however. I often wonder if this is because he is still struggling to justify to himself the horrible things he did while he was in. To forgive ones’ self is a very difficult thing to do.

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          I think he is making great progress… holding up LRH to other religions, practices, and even the evil psychs. He’s sifting and sorting. In his latest blog post he writes, “Scientology auditing technology can be very effective in helping an
          individual to strip off personality jackets of others that he or she has
          unwittingly slipped on in life. Paradoxically, Scientology tends to
          replace those jackets with synthetic ones of its own manufacture.” He’s starting to see what was heaped on him…

          • Poison Ivy

            Wow…that’s pretty impressive.

          • i think he is rationalizing and telling people HE KNOWS how to do it right

        • i know i am a Marty basher but i want to make a serious point. I first started watching this scientology opera when Anderson Cooper had the scio wives on 360 ..and he also interviewed Marty ( along with others who had left ) Just a day or so later ..i started reading Marty’s blog and commenting on it. The nature of the blog was different then ..i was rooting for these people who got out of a bad situation . They seemed wounded and in need of some support from the “wog world”. I noticed however…as the months went by and Marty got a bit more exposure as scientology was more and more in the news (TC’s epic meltdown on the Today show for one ) that the blog started to change and Marty’s tone changed too . He would write something negative about someone …not too obvious ..and the followers would follow like a flock of birds or something . He makes a reading recommendation and surprise ~ they ALL felt the same way about the same book ~ i think the man misses his post with DM …i think he really likes to control people ..i think he likes to think that he CAN control people…make “suggestions” to them and then slightly insult them if they stray . I believe that there is really something insidious about him . He enjoyed being cruel to people ..he enjoyed doing his job really really well and that decimated peoples lives . He is more than just a slimy douche ..he was DM’s right hand man and he loved it

          • Poison Ivy

            Interesting perspective. By the way, I wrote elsewhere (in response to @disqus_O3Emsk1Gxb:disqus ) that I thought the indies in smaller groups were probably benign. Well, maybe…but I just saw in the news that some small cults can be just as deadly: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/04/26/police-seek-fugitive-cult-leader-after-his-group-burns-an-infant-alive-as-the-antichrist/

            • damn ..i knew it was going to be that story . I saw it earlier and had to use a brillo pad to scrub out the image. Plus to scientology …at least they don’t burn infants alive.

            • Yeah, I’m kind of sick to my stomach after reading it as well. And greatly tempted to run downstairs and interrupt my daughter’s preschool to give her a big hug.

            • Captain Howdy
            • grundoon

              (not clicking that) No, and I don’t want to.

            • Ms. B. Haven

              PI, I agree that some small cults can be deadly. There have been con-artists, snake oil salesmen, self-helper types, politicians, false gurus, pseudo messiahs, and wackos of all sorts since pre-history (maybe even trillions of years!!!). The new age movement is rife with these types. Some are fairly innocuous and some gain cult status and can become enslaving and lethal. Few compare to scientology. My point is that if these splinter groups remain small, they don’t have the power or wherewithal to be as harmful as the ‘church’. For example, you wouldn’t see a list of sleazy operations like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Guardian%27s_Office_operations
              and this is an old list. Lord knows what OSA is up to now. There are probably a few exceptions, but scientology is the big winner when it comes to causing the most harm to the most number of people over time. I’m going out on a limb here and will say that they might even top Jonestown when it comes to the number of lives ruined. Jonestown was just more dramatic.

            • Poison Ivy

              Sleazy operations is putting it kindly.

            • grundoon

              L. Ron Hubbard – to his great annoyance – probably trained and inspired more founders of cultic thought control regimes of all sizes, from large to minuscule, than any other 20th century figure. Scientology has everything a cult leader needs to set up a manipulative cash gulping zombie factory. Its religious trappings are thin enough to be inexpensively remodeled to suit the taste of the aspiring sociopath. Lives ruined by the many noxious groups spawned on bits of Hubbard DNA can be tallied alongside Scientology on L. Ron Hubbard’s scorecard.

            • I’d guess the tiny cults are even *more* deadly. The smaller the cult, the easier it is to control information flow, so it’s less likely outsiders will figure out what’s going on until it’s too late. Cults that grow to any size at all seem to be run by people with at least some concern for organizational longevity, and this ought to be a moderating influence to some extent, at least for a while – there’ll some attempt to stay within societal norms, to forestall interference and to help attract new followers.

              On the other hand, the nutty lone Rasputin who ropes a few people into his weird religious beliefs may not have any such concerns or hopes about building a lasting organization. Or even any concerns about getting rich – maybe they’re content to collect welfare and manipulate a couple of devoted puppets. So there’s nothing preventing him from telling his two followers that their colicky baby is actually possessed and needs the devil starved/burned/cut out of her.

              (I think there was actually a case like that in the US.)

            • I’d guess the tiny cults are even *more* deadly. The smaller the cult, the easier it is to control information flow, so it’s less likely outsiders will figure out what’s going on until it’s too late. Cults that grow to any size at all seem to be run by people with at least some concern for organizational longevity, and this ought to be a moderating influence to some extent, at least for a while – there’ll some attempt to stay within societal norms, to forestall interference and to help attract new followers.

              On the other hand, the nutty lone Rasputin who ropes a few people into his weird religious beliefs may not have any such concerns or hopes about building a lasting organization. Or even any concerns about getting rich – maybe they’re content to collect welfare and manipulate a couple of devoted puppets. So there’s nothing preventing him from telling his two followers that their colicky baby is actually possessed and needs the devil starved/burned/cut out of her.

              (I think there was actually a case like that in the US.)

          • aquaclara

            ouch.

          • PreferToBeAnon2

            You could be right. I don’t know enough about him personally–but I can say that he is definitely distancing himself from Sci-bot world and the Steve Hall Indie group. What his intentions are and if that is a way of justifying the “hole” left by leaving his post, or is a power play, dunno. No doubt, he has followers. My point is that he is leaving behind the Sci shackles–it will be interesting to see where it leads. As long as he is serving as a weigh-station for those just out, I’m glad he’s there. But, ask me again in 5 years.

      • Ms. B. Haven

        How long did it take to ‘clear’ the cobwebs? WAY too long. When I hit the road, I went cold turkey and am glad that I did. That said, regarding your reference to indies, freezoners, squirrels of all sorts, etc., I think any movement away from the ‘church’ is a good thing. After one gets away from that stifling environment, these splinter groups might look great. After awhile, one can relax with them a little bit, and one’s head ‘clears’ a bit more, it is that much easier to proceed to drop all of the bullshit and move on. There will always be a few die-hards out there and that is no big deal. At least when they are functioning on their own or in small groups they can’t effectively exercise the oppressive directives contained in the ‘ethics’ materials and it is much harder to rip people off. These groups will eventually fade away too and the world will then be a much better place.

        • Poison Ivy

          “There will always be a few die-hards out there and that is no big deal. At least when they are functioning on their own or in small groups they can’t effectively exercise the oppressive directives contained in the ‘ethics’ materials and it is much harder to rip people off.” Good point Ms. B. I don’t see a lot of threat in indies, but of course I’m a “never in.” To me, essentially they are arguing arcane doctrine among themselves and just sort of functioning in “clubs” that don’t control milieu and police behavior the way the Mother Cult does. As long as people can come and go from the ideology without repercussions, the harm is 1000 times less.

  • jensting

    A child, carried by a person who just happened to be passing by (yeah, right) was more or less flung at me in East Grinstead in Sept 2011. A not very dramatic legal speed car pursuit followed, with me in the police car catching the assailant. Good times!

    https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/operation-grinstead-ias-27th-anniversary-raid-st-hill-post-game.94875/#post-1917481

  • I wonder if the indie auditors think that they are hypnotizing people ?

    • TonyOrtega

      Judging by the violent reaction I got over at Facebook this morning, the answer to that question is a very definite no.

    • 1subgenius

      My earlier post: “Scientology is an automated system of hypnotizing people to hypnotize people without knowing they are doing it.”

  • Ze Moo

    A time waster with Jack Reacher. Ask him a question…..

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. I just asked: “what would Reacher do if his best friend were being taken advantage of by a pseudo-religious organization with brainwashing ‘tech,’ the sole purpose of which is to make money, make more money and make others produce so as to make more money?”

      The answer I got: “Don’t use a credit card; use cash.” Cross my heart..

      • Poison Ivy

        Ha ha!

        • Poison Ivy

          I just tried to link to the screenshots of the ones I just did. Didn’t work. Just ried another. I wrote:

          “I’m being asked to join the Church of Scientology”

          Answer: “Never count on anything except surprise, unpredictability and DANGER.”

          • sugarplumfairy

            Lol.. that’s perfect.. I bet every question asked so far has to do with scientology..

            • Poison Ivy

              This is definitely a time waster. I asked: “I’m being told I either have to leave the church or disconnect from my family. What should I do?”
              Reacher says: “I’ve never had a problem with those kids of odds.”

            • Poison Ivy

              I’m hooked. “I’m being told I have to fly to Flag again for another OTVIII sec check. What do I do?”

              Reacher: “Smile”.

            • Sherbet

              Me: “What is the deal with the snaggle tooth?”
              Reacher: “Smile.”

              Noooo! Not that!!!!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              This is addictive!!!

            • Sherbet

              It sure is! But “Reacher” does too much smiling. I’m looking for pithier advice.

            • Ze Moo

              I’ve tried ‘where’s shelly’ and other scieno questions, most answers were random. This may be studio market research, I hope someone eventually sees the questions asked.

            • Sherbet

              If so, the researcher is about to have an eye-opening experience.

            • Sherbet

              OK, one more creepy answer:

              Me: “Where’s Shelly?”

              Reacher: “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.”

            • Observer

              🙂

            • That tooth is staring at me.

            • Sherbet

              Ew! Snaggle tooth alert! Observer, you’re a cruel person.

            • Observer

              Yes I am. And I enjoy it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Why, Observer, Why?

            • Observer

              See my response to Sherbet. And trust me when I say I’ve found an even better one and am just waiting for the perfect opportunity … mwahahahaha!

            • TheLurkingHorror

              Well, Taffy was right about one thing, he IS shiny!

            • FistOfXenu

              TC = Tooth Creepiness!

            • Casabeca

              It seems to give you great lines, like it knows you’re a wtiter!

            • Poison Ivy

              🙂

            • sugarplumfairy

              Lol.. Now we know reacher’s a fibber..

          • PreferToBeAnon2

            lol!

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        SPF speaks truth! I just entered the same thing and got, “Hope for the best, PLAN for the worst!”

      • Casabeca

        You are magic!

        • sugarplumfairy

          Aww, shucks..

    • John P.

      It looks pretty silly. I decided to find out just how silly. I took a quick look at the HTML and JavaScript on the page to see if I could figure out what it does. Apparently, it sends your question up to the site where the response is generated. I am guessing that the responses are entirely random, selected from a list of rules, since the examples I used generated nonsense. There’s not even a simple keyword matcher to attempt to tailor the responses to a potentially interesting keyword in what you typed (which wouldn’t have been that hard to implement).

      “Kung pao chicken” –> “#1: If in doubt, say nothing.”

      “Why am I here?” –> “#21: Be on your feet and ready.”

      “Kung pao chicken” (again) –> “#61: Never forgive, never forget.”

      So it appears to be just a random list of sayings. Afraid there’s is not much cleverness in their site. As a last attempt, I typed this:

      “Does Scientology blow huge ravening chunks of pig shit?”

      and I got back:

      “#27: Smile.”

      Maybe this thing does know what it’s doing after all…

      • Poison Ivy

        Ha ha! No keyword detector, apparently (how lazy of them!!) but if seems to have an eery “random wisdom” when it comes to the Scientology questions.

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          I agree PI. Take JohnP’s Q&A: “Kung pao chicken –> #1: If in doubt, say nothing.”

          I think it thought that JohnP just had a typo. The Q should be: Kung PoUw Chicken…and then that answer makes sense.

          • John P.

            Nice catch. Yes, I accidentally passed up an opportunity for a clever cult-related pun.

            But I was just waiting for lunch and starting to obsess — I sent one of the rookie trainees (Harvard MBA ’12; still doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground) out to get me some Kung Pao chicken and he was taking forever to get back… I have lately been passing up the porterhouse steaks delivered from Smith & Wollensky’s that the traders traditionally do for lunch on Fridays. Supermodel #1 (who actually is a supermodel — she’s a fitness model and elite athlete in three different sports as well as proud possessor of multiple advanced degrees) has been whipping me into shape this spring and has forbidden weekly doses of the Smith & Wollensky steak with creamy garlic mashed potatoes and creamed spinach, alleging (probably accurately) that foregoing this little ritual is probably worth 35 points on my overall annual cholesterol check.

            So I’m sorry to have missed the obvious (and still funny) pun — I did it for health reasons.

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              I am not sure who needs a sec check more.. you or Supermodel #1.

            • Casabeca

              Is one to assume that there are further numbered super models ;-). Power, money and beauty are still besties!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Or maybe it does have a keyword detector after all???
          “27: Smile.”

      • Is anyone else hungry now?

        • sugarplumfairy

          Yes! Chinese for dinner tonight!

    • Guest

      I wrote do you agree that scientology is total bullshit? The response came back, Rule #45 Say Nothing, Do Nothing. That about sums up TC’s response to all the negative press.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Ok, my last one.. One of the docs here just asked it “should I operate on my patient’s 70mm abdominal aortic aneurism?” he got back “ask a librarian. They’re nice people. Sometimes they’ll tell you things.”

      • John P.

        The fact that a patient walked in the door with a 70mm AAA is pretty remarkable. My understanding is that most physicians only see an aneurysm of that size in autopsy reports and journal articles. When doing research on medical devices years ago, I got to observe on a number of cardiac cases, including a 20mm AAA. That was a lot of fun, though I felt sorry for myself at the time because I wasn’t doing research on high-end luxury goods manufacturers like LVMH or luxury casinos in Macau.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          I immediately grabbed my ruler and said WTF!
          Then I realized that patient was A.) either already dead, or B.) resting comfortably in the recovery room for him to be asking THAT question in the first place.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Unfortunately, they do happen.. We don’t have one today, though.. The doc was testing Reacher with a hypothetical aneurism.. Btw, thanks.. For the past two hours I can’t stop thinking about a hypothetical filet with garlic mashed and spinach..

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        sugarplumfairy, we in RTC have a friend here at the base who, ahh, has very serious hemorrhoids. Could you please ask one of the doctors there what our friend should do – and don’t say laser surgery because our friend is terrified of anything probing his nether regions.

        • sugarplumfairy

          when is he due for a colonoscopy? They can kill two birds with one stone and take care of his problem while he’s under..

          In the meantime, ibuprofen (by mouth) and hemorrhoid cream locally will give temporary relief..they have OTC suppositories that work well too.. If they’re really bad, his doc can prescribe a steroid hemorrhoid suppository.. Be sure to do the ibuprofen, though.. He needs an anti-inflammatory..

          And no reading on the toilet.. Get in and get out..

    • FistOfXenu

      “What would reacher do?”
      Reach around?

  • Jgg2012

    Hubbard also said that Scientology was not a religion.

  • aquaclara

    Funny things posted by scilons…with a tip of the hat to Black Rob for this highly enjoyable thread on WWP. Hey, it’s Friday, the last day of an incredible week of Bunker reading. Hope you enjoy the laughs as much as I did.

    https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/i-have-a-thetan-who-does-things-to-my-mirror-and-its-annoying-what-should-i-do.105033/

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Oh, oh thank you for this. I just went to the moon with a loon!
      That was some firecracker reading!
      Oh geez….

      What were these people like before Scientology increased those IQ points?

      • Sidney18511

        Blackrob also runs the same thread on ESMB. I read both. The responces from the posters at WWP are wicked funnier.

        • aquaclara

          The comments are just great. And there is so much material to work with.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Ohmyfreakingawd! Cap’n Howdy is probably ordering some of that Australian prozac toothpaste right this minute. And I wonder if NASA has spotted any of these orbiting scientologists from the space station but are keeping quiet for fear Miscavige will launch his super jets their way. These are obvious squirrels, mixing practices as Moonies.

    • Sherbet

      Hilarious, aquaclara! I had to stop reading in the office, because I’m laughing out loud at the Wal*Mart, Michael Phelps, and moon visit wins. Oh, the wonder of OT powers.

      • aquaclara

        It’s like our own version of Ellen! Wait til you see their reasons for boycotting toothpaste and flouride. Oh, and the lady with the lions.

        • Ze Moo

          There’s Prozac in Colgate and McLeans toothpaste?? What kool-aid have these people been drinking? Oh, yeah…….The 6 year old who wrote the KR on mommy was really sick.

      • ThetaBara

        I doubt very much that you are the only one laughing out loud in walmart!

    • sugarplumfairy

      I’m loving the lady who had the win.. She went down the hall to the elevator, heard a click, the door opened and IT ACTUALLY WAITED WHILE SHE GOT ON!!!! That was certainly worth the $300,000 of classes..

      • BuryTheNuts2

        But she said “thank you”.

        I bet that elevator was relieved to get an “ack”.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          If she gets stuck between floors or it takes forever to get to the Main Floor (like most scientology org elevators, true!), maybe she could pass the time by playing The Source Game, brought to you by, funny enough, “Elevator Entertainment Company”.

          http://youtu.be/GqE89qKsYSg

          http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/04/scientology-game-the-source-video_n_2237789.html

          “Australian-based transmedia production company Elevator Entertainment is creating a game called “The Source.” It digitizes the wild ride that is Scientology, including everything
          from learning secrets by gaining levels to overcoming obstacles like your family trying to kidnap you and take you back to the real world.”

  • Cymboli Starsong

    People who use children to protest are vile. This is no different than the Westboro Baptist Whack jobs who send out their own children with hate speech plastered on picket signs. I don’t care if the subject is something I agree with. Children should never be used to push a political or religious agenda. They are incapable of understanding complex issues and as such, their use is nothing short of exploitation.

  • disqus_0MHNN90X5s

    I was at Sam’s that day and it was even creepier than that video shows, when Sam’s daughter (one of two at home at the time) went out and asked why they were protesting outside a private home (illeagal in the UK) they said she was being ‘Brainwashed’ and forced with drugs…YUK!!

    • disqus_0MHNN90X5s

      As an aside the road outside Sam’s where they were ‘protesting’
      was called Blackness Lane
      (she has moved since then) it is in the middle of no where out in the country
      and a long taxi ride from the train station.

      Not knowing Sam’s house the taxi driver was asking where I wanted
      dropping, when we came around the corner and saw the ‘protesters’ (a lot more
      were around but they ran off when Stephen started filming/quizzing them) he
      said ‘Oh my God’, and I replied ‘ Yep this is it!’, Thanks OSA !!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Ass hats.

  • Loved watching Katie Holmes next to Tom Cruise in the video. The whole row, Cruise, Cartwright, Travolta, Alley, Preston are wildly cheering, and Katie has this blank bored look on her face. She was definitely not feeling the love for Miscavige even in 2008.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/ji0wsx.jpg[/IMG]

  • Jgg2012

    By the way, Scientology is also a lot like Psychiatry. No, not the drug part of psychiatry, but the counseling and hypnosis and recalling past lives (read “Many Livess, Many Masters”) that may cost $200/hr. but no one spends $500,000 on.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      “Many Lives, Many Masters” was a good book. Of course, I hear those “Jack Reacher” books are good too.
      Nuff said.

      • Jgg2012

        They are, but having a 5’6″ actor play a 6’5″ character in the movie made no sense, especially without having Davey next to him (he towers over Davey).

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Ah, so true!

    • Ze Moo

      There are good psychiatrists and bad ones and you have to be a good consumer. Any psychiatrist who has patients recalling past lives needs to be reported to the medical ethics commission. Psychologists and social workers who pull such crap need to be turned in also.

      It has become rare for psychiatrists to do actual talk therapy these days. They mostly do case plans and medication adjustment/monitoring.

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    ——————– CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY SUCCESS STORIES ——————————–

    1, Dwayne Hickam attested to the State of Clear in Ideal Org Cincinnati. Mr. Hickam states that as he no longer has a Reactive Mind it is probably safe for him to start dating again. Dwayne is looking for a Scientology woman who understands that a date can be just be fast food and sex and then cigarettes and vodka afterwards.

    2. Trace Sherman, the nephew of Danny Sherman, has is the newest OT VIII! Trace said of his time on The Freewinds, “Other than the wrinkled hull plates on the ship, I had a good time going to the top of the Scientology Bridge. I am really ready now to start that male modeling career I’ve always dreamed of. My uncle Danny could have been a male model because good looks run in the family, but ‘Unca Dan’ as I call him, was too busy being a famous author!”

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      So he’s looking for someone who is flexible, likes to be lifted up high, and goes bananas at events?

      [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/2nu6qyx.jpg[/IMG]

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        Yes, but is she a Scientologist?

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          If I told you she was an heiress, would that be your first question?

    • FistOfXenu

      Those guys are like something out of nightmares. They need an introduction to “high and tight”.

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Hipnosis: Why the new Ideal Morgues are empty and crumbling?

    http://youtu.be/1ujRE2IkEIo

  • TonyOrtega

    RAID ON NARCONON — new post up!

    • Missionary Kid

      OBOYOBOYOBOY.

  • stillgrace

    Off-topic, but relevant to the current news situation, and of possible interest to some here. I spent this week at the DESIGN West 2013 Conference for Embedded Systems. Yesterday morning I attended the most fascinating and inspiring keynote speech I have ever had the privilege to attend.

    “The New Era of Humans 2.0: New Minds, New Bodies, New Identities” was delivered by Hugh Herr, the Director of Biomechatronics at MIT University. In a twist of irony, (he was scheduled to deliver this speech a year before the Boston Marathon), he is the man behind the development of today’s sophisticated, computerized prosthetic limbs, the ones that cost $100,000.

    Mr. Herr is a double-amputee himself (from frostbite suffered in a climbing accident), and he strode onto the stage of the San Jose Civic Auditorium wearing a sports jacket and jeans rolled up to his knees. He proceeded to tell his story, walking from one side of the stage to the other. The natural ease of his movements was an amazing demonstration of the level of technology that is available today. He also showed a video taken of him while climbing one of the most dangerous peaks in Yosemite. He developed a special “foot” with a narrow blade that is wedged into crevices for leverage.

    He shared the details of the medical research taking place at MIT and gave us a glimpse of an incredible, realistic future where bionic men and women walk and work among us. He refuses to use the word “disabled”, he prefers “differently-abled”.

    Towards the end of his presentation, he demonstrated the features of his new legs. Up to this point, he was walking and moving about like normal. He mentioned that we probably couldn’t “hear” his computerized legs. He then walked very quickly across the stage, and said “most of you probably still can’t hear my legs.” Then he ran in place as hard as he could, and sure enough, I could hear the servos and actuators whirring away!

    He closed with heartfelt comments about the specific challenges and triumphs facing the individual Boston amputees. The young woman that was interviewed on television who is a dance instructor and lost her foot? – please be reassured – she absolutely WILL dance again!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Thanks for this.

    • Davka

      This totally made my day – thank you!

    • John P.

      Thanks for a moving and very interesting post. What you said about prosthetics is fascinating and very encouraging not just for the people hurt in the Boston bombing but for the far greater number of people who will lose limbs in Afghanistan, in car accidents, and due to medical conditions like diabetes. There’s never been a better time to be alive than right now.

      But you also brought me back to a soggy nostalgia moment. I, too, have attended Design West on more than one occasion as I used to be the resident expert on semiconductor stocks at my firm a few years ago. When I was on the brokerage side of the business, my firm took Wind River public so I knew a bunch of the guys there as well. Thanks for the nice walk down geekster memory lane!

      • stillgrace

        DESIGN West is one of the best conferences for system designers, they specialize in embedded systems (just one bona fide GEEK’s opinion).

  • richelieu jr

    Really nicely edited piece with the Miscavige speech (though I shudder to think how many times you must have watched it- I couldn’t make it all the way, myself!)

    It makes me wish there was a similar piece, one level of sophistication above, where a faithful $cilon could be watching for a few minuted before realizing it was Entheta– Where they’d be nodding along and end up hearing some of this stuff that is kept from them…

    Still, I would never even have dreamed of such a thing without watching this fine piece of work. Houray!

  • Dwayners13

    If you watch the first video @ 7:59, you’ll see that there’s one member in the front row who doesn’t seem to share the same degree of enthusiasm as those around her.

  • Dave Mass

    Just one thing to everybody: SCIENTOLOGY IS NOT THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

  • Dave Mass

    Just one thing to everybody: SCIENTOLOGY IS NOT THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

  • Candygram

    The truthful $scilon vid is horrifying and awesome. Katie Holmes looks every bit as “OMFG they’re f’ing crazy. –breathe– keep clapping– OMFG I’m mortified. — breathe. Keep clapping. OMFG he’s still talking. — breathe. Keep clapping — OMFG they’re all insane — breathe. Where the hell is Shelley? KEEP CLAPPING!!” … as I would be…

  • Watching the “If it told the truth” video, lets see, LRH got some of his ideas from Aleister Crowley, and it looks like COS members are being brainwashed and made slaves of the org and of COB. Methinks I do smell a bit of the smoke of Mordor around here!!

  • Barbara amsel

    Excellent Blog! I have been impressed by your thoughts and the way you put these info in this post.

    Doctoac

  • Robert Jackson

    I am wondering about her that if she got into trouble for her low toned behavior. Amazing

    DRI