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Scientology Sunday Funnies: Special Pearl Harbor Day edition!

IdealSchemaThe Church of Scientology has had many days of infamy, but one thing’s for sure — leader David Miscavige and his organization sure keep up the pretense that they’re going full speed ahead.

This week, our great tipsters sent us another collection of new fundraising fliers smuggled out of the church. And among them was a fancy new multi-part campaign of rah-rah about the Ideal Org program.

Miscavige is still trying to get more and more money out of fewer and fewer people so ordinary “orgs” can be replaced with very expensive Ideal Orgs, often in historic buildings that require millions in renovations. And the result? We’ve seen evidence around the country that Ideal Orgs sit empty. But Miscavige has to keep the remaining folks believing that an Ideal Org is a miraculous magnet that brings in new people and rapidly moves them up the “Bridge to Total Freedom.”

And now, he’s put that in graphic form with a series of fliers explaining the process of fundraising, renovation, and outreach in order get people in New Zealand exciting about forking over their hard earned cash. We’re posting just a few of them here, because we don’t want to risk putting our readers to sleep. They’re deadly.

Here we go! First, you have to be Big to get Big!



“We have hitherto had only the mind and body in an org. Consequently, we have not expanded fast enough into the public.” We’d love to hear some explanation of this from our exes.


They’re selling enlightenment!


Here we see Miscavige’s key vision — rather than have people describe Scientology to new people, he only trusts machines to do it. Surely new meat will walk in the door and be mesmerized by slick videos! “Here you simply welcome new public and the displays do the rest.”


It’s all so automatic!


“More people have completed the Dianetics Seminar at Ideal Orgs than in the previous six decades since the release of the book.”


New Zealand’s Ideal Org is going to be fan-ceee!


We love Scientology marriage counseling.

asho chaplain

Nancy Cartwright! Craig Jensen! Jim Meskimen! The last, reliable warhorses are pitching in like never before. Hey, this event is free. If you get in, tell us how it goes!


Scientology’s own “Unbreakable” man, Damian Kevitt, is listed on this flier. Now this is one thetan who wants to hold on to his meat body.


“We trust the IAS to put our donations to the highest and best use.”


Give us money so, from the old KCET studios in LA, we can broadcast stuff no one wants to see!


Every year at this time, Scientology reminds its members that it has special status with the US government when it comes to taxes. Aren’t you glad you underwrite that?

tax e-mail

And finally, we’d love to know what songs the Scientology Dickens Carolers are singing!

xmas party email

Thanks again to our great tipsters!


A look at how Scientology is preparing for upcoming documentaries

Karen de la Carriere and Jeffrey Augustine have a lot of fun with the upcoming documentaries coming from HBO and the BBC.



Sunday Funnies extra!

While we’re waiting for the Monday post, here’s an extra special Scientology advertisement with a really puzzling offer. Do we need to be OT 3 in order to understand the math of this special two-part deal?



Posted by Tony Ortega on December 7, 2014 at 07:00

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Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer
The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ


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