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Scientology Sunday Funnies: An oily and super powered edition of our weekly feature!

OilinessTableWe have a very special treat for you to kick off this week’s installment of Sunday Funnies.

It’s been a year now since Scientology’s Super Power Building (officially named the “Flag Building”) opened in Clearwater, Florida, with David Miscavige giving a very short speech to Tom Cruise and John Travolta and a couple of thousand other church members, and with Mike Rinder and Mike Bennitt watching from a helicopter overhead.

We’ve had a special interest in the Super Power building since we were leaked full schematics and renderings from rooms on every floor, and discovered some of the wacky contraptions planned for the fifth floor. They had been designed to test a subject’s “perceptics.” See, Scientologists believe that we are all “thetans,” immortal beings that have lived countless times in the past, and that the thetan has its own set of finely-honed senses which are more powerful than the senses of the meat body we happen to be walking around in this lifetime. One goal of the Super Power process is to tune the subject’s perceptics — all 57 of them, from taste to pitch to rhythm to smell and even to “cellular and bacterial position.” And of course, one of our favorites, oiliness.

We discovered there was actually an “oiliness table” sketched out for the perceptics floor (see above), and it showed up, fleetingly, in a promotional video about the building. But we still wondered, what would it be like for Scientologists who pay the tens of thousands of dollars to actually go through this funhouse?

Now, finally we have a first report. Granted, it’s in the form of Scientology PR, and we know how reliable that is. But still, here, for you enjoyment, some actual success stories from the perceptics floor of Super Power!





Personal Emotion

Wow! That is to say the least. This is the perception I have had dormant for some time now. I mean, I remember when I used to wonder why I couldn’t move up the tone scale or why I often felt sad or angry around certain people. Now I know that I am totally aware of my personal emotion and can handle it with simply perception and ability to change it. Additionally, I found that sources that kept me lower on the tone scale were TV shows, magazines, media, non-optimum environments…you get the idea. All the wondering is completely handled and I am excited to use the perception of personal emotion in the future to keep me moving towards survival and high on the tone scale. – CT


I have a new friend called Time! I was always fighting against time! I had the same feeling of case change like on SRD the process where we increase the number of matches up to ten. I feel now I am cause over time! My pan-determinism is rehabilitated! I was doing this drill for a long time and finally with the help of my supervisor I could do it very very easily! It is a wonderful and relaxed feeling! Time is totally with me and I can postulate any time! I am really thankful to all of you guys here, it is the most theta place!!! Thanks also to Ron, for finding this miracle of theta clearing! – ZB

This was amazing! It is actually incredible that I do have a perception of time and if you don’t invalidate it, you can use it and know time. It is also very interesting to see the definition of time and drill it in. I also saw how it is a physical universe perception because if you were just dealing with a static or nothingness there is no time. This drill was beautifully put together and is so aesthetic. Thank you to my drill supervisors for coaching me through this with such patience! – RP

I loved it! I saw and realized I have an ability to perceive time without need for moving objects, watches or anything else. This is amazing! You guys are awesome! Thank you! – IG


Wow, I never thought I would have been able to perceive different wavelengths. To know that I am fully aware and can focus in on either high or low frequencies is awesome. Sitting here, I realize that I do use this perception daily, yet the awareness is what most definitely allows frequency recognition. – CT


I have always been told that I have great eye sight but I was a little afraid I wouldn’t do so good on this drill because I had to run sight in session. I actually did amazing! I feel great about my sight more than ever now! – KZ

Cellular & Bacterial Position

Wow!!! That was a super cool drill. Also I noticed that I am using my other perceptions that I drilled earlier. I can direct my attention and look into my body. That is actually really amazing. This is a super exteriorizing process. I can look into my body exterior. I can feel the heart beat, blood circulating, position of cells and bacteria. And I can direct my attention inside the body and perceive different areas of my body. Super cool!! J – DS

Touch – Oiliness

Wow!!! That was super cool! I went completely exterior. I got my touch perception fully restored. I am getting a full 3-D picture of the object and its quality from friction and oiliness. It was incredible! – DS


Perceiving self-determinism is a huge win for me. Before coming to Super Power, I had lost it but now it is regained. I can perceive it! I found that it commits of a decision and once it is made, you have the ability to do all you desire. – CT

Personal Position on the Tone Scale

I realized that by being able to perceive my own personal position on the Tone Scale, I have taken 100% responsibility for myself. By knowing and I mean really knowing that I have the ability to perceive my tone, and can, I no longer can make justifications on why I am high or low on the Tone Scale. This is actually a very amazing win for me. This perception allows me to handle my tone immediately and by doing so, I see how my production can be increased with this perception alone. I am in control of my personal tone 100%. No more depressing music. Only theta sounds and views. And finally, as an exec, it is very important I have this perception in use always for the good of the group in leading. – CT

Emotional State of Other Organisms

In drilling this Perceptic, I was able to handle the not knowing of where other organisms were on the tone scale. Before, I had a very difficult time handling others and as a result of never being able to perceive their emotional state, I never handled them. Knowing where another is can definitely help in bringing one up the tone scale. My perception can definitely allow me to move slightly above them to do this. Also, I see how this can help me on post as a communicator and enable me to help. This is a very good perception to always use…may great benefits come from it. – CT

Awareness of Others

In doing this drill, I cognited that your perception of others is very beneficial and important…I mean extremely! As an exec, I work with over 140 staff so my ability to recognize their abilities and perceive them can definitely increase efficiency for me. This also helps me find those staff and place them in the right post so they are successful and can flourish and prosper. As a mom and an elementary school teacher as well, my awareness of others can enable me to help my daughter with study tech. Any difficulties or troubles can be handled with my awareness of her. Another great thing I found is that when I can be aware of others, I can create better ARC with them. I can also help them as needed. – CT

Relative Sizes (external)

This drill was amazing! It was a kind of solo SRD! I felt a real case change. After that I had lunch and outside I realized that my 3D sense was remarkably improved!!! It was really amazing!!! Thanks for the super theta supervision! And to LRH for finding out that drilling perceptions ends in huge case gains!!! – ZB


My ability has definitely improved to be able to differentiate among pitches. This is really unbelievable that I could improve that! I never expected it but I started to feel affinity to play music! Thanks for that win and my theta supervision! – ZB


It was fantastic! I felt that my sense of rhythm has rehabilitated! I feel the rhythm is everything! Wow I am really very open to playing music. It could be a big fun! I continuously felt during this drills of sound that my senses had continuously adjusted! Basically I am being adjusted for the physical universe to feel and perceive PT as much as I can! This is fantastic! Thanks for the very theta supervising! – ZB

This is the last step of Super Power! I want to help you get this gain. Please call me or write anytime for anything.


Barbara Dews

Flag Service Consultant

Well, we wish we’d heard more about the Oiliness Table, as well as the Smell Wall and the Infinite Pit, but we’ll take what we can get! Now, let’s move on to the other Scientology items we got from our great tipsters this week…

Enjoy the newest testimonial video from Saint Hill!


Woo-hoo! We love a Scientology guest list. And look, Marisol Nichols is there! She’ll be bragging on her OT 8.

holiday attendance

Kathy Welch has seen with her own eyes that with its new Sea Org staff, the LA Ideal Org is booming! Do you believe her?

kathy welch letter email

We love the great word salad of a Scientology testimonial. (For newer readers: “Flag” is the Flag Land Base, Scientology’s ‘spiritual’ mecca in Clearwater, Florida, where wealthy church members go to do the really expensive auditing which can run up to $1,000 an hour.)

life after flag

Nice tie, Matt.


What’s this? Some actual design sense in a Scientology mailer? You don’t say. And we love the sound of a “Postulates Congress.” Now that’s got a good old LRH ring to it.


Silver Meritorious = $750,000. What a great investment!


Helen Cameron learns how to learn!


The superannuated thetans of the Valley’s OT Committee do work themselves into a lather, don’t they? But it’s gotta be a little deflating to see how all those donations from the Duggans barely moved the donation-thermometer.

weekly recap 2014-11-20

And finally, here’s one for the ladeez. Yowza, ASHO is cooking with Mike King. Of course, the Alice in Wonderland decoration on the wall behind him reminds us that hunky Mike pays money to recite lines from Lewis Carroll’s classic tale as part of one of Scientology’s processes which gets repeated and repeated during his career. But it unlocks the secrets of the universe, we promise.


Thanks again to our great tipsters!


Posted by Tony Ortega on November 30, 2014 at 07:00

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Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer
The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ


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