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Sunday Funnies: Scientology has only its ‘humanitarians’ to help it refurbish eyesores

OTMaidenVoyageWe’re heading back to New York today after our visit to the fine city of Detroit for the Netroots Nation conference.

Yes, it was a challenge to keep the blog going while we were attending the confab. Especially Thursday afternoon, when we were scrambling to post the decision by the Texas Third Court of Appeals in Monique Rathbun’s lawsuit while we were sitting in the press section at the big shindig at Detroit’s COBO center, waiting for Vice President Joe Biden to arrive and make his speech.

And if you think that sounds glamorous, here’s the view of the stage from the press section…



Smokin’ Joe didn’t disappoint, speaking off the cuff and going off into the weeds the way he has a habit of doing. And the rest of the conference was productive, but we didn’t want to leave town without at least a nod to the local Scientology scene.

We went by the building that has been purchased to become Detroit’s Ideal Org, and maybe someday it will open, after several million dollars has somehow been extracted from the twenty or thirty Scientologists who live in the area. The building is right downtown, and it features a rather ornate door…


On the door, there’s a sign, and here’s our (rather washed out) close-up on it…


That clever sign was placed on the door by one of our own Bunkerites, the indomitable 1subgenius.

Last night, your proprietor met 1subgenius for fine malt beverages at Jacoby’s downtown. And a fine time was had by all.

Now, let’s get on to our Sunday Funnies, our weekly sampling of Scientology fliers that went out to church members in the last couple of weeks.

We love the quote in this first item, begging for money to complete building renovations in the west U.S. Note the key line…

“Humanitarians are the driving force behind the completion of Ideal Orgs.”

Translation: Our rank-and-file members continue to abandon us, and our only game left is holding desperately onto the wealthy “whales” who are keeping us afloat with their donations.

humanitarians - by org - 2014-07-10

Last night on L. Ron Hubbard Way in Los Angeles, the last of the four Maiden Voyage parties happened. Scientology leader David Miscavige really made up for things this year after Maiden Voyage was cancelled altogether last year.

We trust “IAS Night” was a fabulous success last night, and everyone went home a few thousand dollars poorer. We look forward to some photos, which will probably show up in future fliers.


A seminar about you! Come prepared to laugh! Oh, sweet temptation.

Creating your future 2014

L. Ron Hubbard data you can use every day. You know you want it.


Here’s the latest from Buffalo — and that gives us an excuse to remind you that we’ll be live-blogging Wednesday night’s ID network 9 pm Eastern broadcast of their dramatization of the death of Buffalo Scientology member Elli Perkins. Join us for the live-blog!


Hey, Carly Crutchfield gave a boatload of money to create a new Ideal Org in New Zealand! Carly is a celebrity down under and has been the source of unflattering press accounts in Australia for her perceived failings in real estate matters. But it appears that she has enough laying around to send a bunch to David Miscavige for his building fetish!


Hey, once again it’s our old friend the “Yo, Baby” guy!


Yeah, right in the middle of a dispute involving stiffing three Cuban victims of human slavery of at least a million dollars, the geniuses who operate the Freewinds have invited “Latin” artists to spend a week on the barge.


Miami, here are your new silver humanitarians. Aren’t you proud?


Wait a minute. Did Scientology just call itself “unhinged”?


Just following up on an observation we made recently that L. Ron Hubbard may be the most unquotable published author of all time…


Thanks again to our great tipsters!


Posted by Tony Ortega on July 20, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer


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