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Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Nancy Cartwright freak-out edition

Nancy_CartwrightWatch out! Nancy Cartwright is having some kind of naval restim and she’s reaching for your wallet!

Yes, it’s time for another wacky collection of Scientology’s latest mailers and fliers as the church tries desperately to find a new strategy to get members to actually come to events and open up a few more credit cards for donations!

Speaking of donations, a tipster pointed out that Scientologists are helping to raise money for Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi in her re-election effort.

Super-rich church members Michael and Liz Baybak — huge donors to Scientology — are hosting a party for Bondi on Tuesday, and you can go too — as long as you fork over a minimum of $1,000…



Our tipster tells us that Scientology’s whales have been invited to the event, which is being organized by OT 8s Brett Miller and Jill Hagan. (The Sigals are also high on the Bridge.) Besides the Baybaks, Trish Duggan is also expected to attend. (Bob and Trish Duggan are by far the biggest donors to Scientology, having given what we estimate to be more than $50 million.)

We’re also told that Scientologists are spreading the rumor that Bondi has visited the Fort Harrison Hotel several times, and that she also had the church’s “Truth About Drugs” material available in her office. Church members are being told that Bondi is in a tough race, and Scientologists need to do what they can to help her win. (Actually, Bondi, a Republican and an incumbent, is expected to sail easily to re-election in November.)

Now that’s some good “safepointing” in action. You think Pam will go home with a full copy of RON: The Encyclopedia?

Moving on, we can see that Sue Sullivan is beside herself…


Steve Mango has told us how these come-ons target the aspiring writers and performers looking for any kind of edge in Hollywood…


With GAT II already out, and Super Power opened, Scientology’s promoters fall back on swell superlatives: “These events are by far the most blow-away series of…events in history!”

all captains directive

So close to total world domination! You can do it, Scientology!


Ben had a full-blown restim…

ben ranson purif completion

Ron talks anatomy and jokes about one of his 19th century past lives? We gotta track down this lecture…


Translation: Every last Scientologist in the LA area fit into one sad room, where the know-it-all OT Committee explained how they were going to get everyone off their fat asses and finish the fundraising for the Valley Ideal Org. And the maddest hatter of all was Her Royal Governess, who Barted a Bartful of Bartifice from the helm of the Freewinds! We then got into some circles and workshopped how to get more money from people because that’s all Scientology is anymore! Huzzah!

la united recap (2)

We post this next mailer because, hey, membership list. As LRH would say…



Frank is playing a very big game…


And finally, here’s the Church of Scientology providing evidence that it targets dentists for recruitment through its front group, WISE (the World Institute of Scientology Enterprises) and its affiliates. Hey thanks, Scientology! Nothing like a smoking gun to help us with an upcoming story. (More later.)


Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those items coming!


Pete Griffiths on the Surviving Scientology podcast

Pete talks Scientology with Jeffrey Augustine…



Posted by Tony Ortega on June 29, 2014 at 07:00

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Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer


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