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Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Tom Cruise history lesson edition!

Oh, those days of thunder

Oh, those days of thunder

Tom Cruise has a new movie out, so maybe it just comes with the territory that some media types will do their best to burnish his reputation. We’ve always had a lot of respect for Tom’s acting skills, and we never root against his movie success. But some of his admirers in the media have been trying to rewrite history by downplaying how much Tom’s involvement in Scientology has hurt his public image.

We’ve tried to push back at that notion, and now we’re glad to see that Jeffrey Augustine, in his latest podcast, talked to Marc Headley about his personal experiences with Tom Cruise in Scientology.

If you’ve read Marc’s book, Blown for Good (or our 2009 review), you know that in 1990, Marc was used as a guinea pig for Tom’s first experiments as an auditor. He recounts that history here, and plenty of other highlights of Tom’s early Scientology involvement. But will the media revisionists pay any attention?



Continuing on with our Sunday Funnies, when we reveal the great Scientology mailers and fliers that our tipsters have forwarded us during the week, we’ll start with an item that ties in directly with Tom Cruise and his fawning friends in the media.

Thanks to people like Steve Mango, we’ve learned how much Scientology continues to prey on young actors. Perhaps if the local media in Hollywood asked tougher questions about Cruise and his best bro David Miscavige, this ploy might not be so effective.


Getting back to what Scientology does best — pressure its members for more cash — it’s interesting to see the hype build for the new L. Ron Hubbard Hall in Clearwater, Florida. Something of an afterthought in the planning for Scientology’s “mecca” in that town (which began about 20 years ago), the Hall is just a place for events — not a new site for “Super Powers” or an “Ideal Org.” But Miscavige knows he has to have something to clobber the membership with, and so of course it’s an emergency that has to be done RIGHT NOW.


From: Bruce Roger
Subject: Washington D.C
Sent: Sun, 1 Jun 2014 15:21:48 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Xxxxxx,

Your participation and help in the creation of the New Flag Building has changed Scientology forever!

Just since opening, the New Flag Building has enabled Flag to more then 3X their delivery, with more than 30,000 auditing sessions occurring every week now! And 12Xing Scientology’s Stats around the world. This truly is bringing LRH’s miraculous technology to Mankind.


So thank you very much for what you have done to contribute to this tremendous accomplishment!

Now CSRT (Church of Scientology Religious Trust) has officially been launched onto implementing International Management’s next big Project to take Scientology’s expansion to a completely new order of magnitude !

The L Ron Hubbard Hall will be the catalyst that causes planetary clearing to accelerate like never before.

On the 25th and 26th of July we will be holding a tremendous weekend of discovery and adventure in Washington D.C with a special dinner banquet and event.

Ron had a long history with Washington D.C. that started in his youth when he first traveled there in 1923 as the nations youngest Eagle Scout with his family at the age of 12; in the following words of LRH he describes the difference between constructive criticism and invalidative criticism.

“I cast about for another badge and decided on ‘Photography’. Down to the National Museum I went to see the examiner of the merit badge.

He sat at a big desk in a room that was cluttered with human skulls and proceeded to inform me that I knew nothing about photography. I agreed with him perfectly and came again another day to find the same verdict.

A month and ten visits later he signed my card just to be rid of me, telling me that I’d never know anything about photography due to my exceptional stupidity.

This is rather abated by the fact that I just sold six pictures to the National Geography magazine.”

LRH then returned to Washington D.C again in 1930 when he then attended the prestigious George Washington University. Then once more he travelled back in 1955 to open the Founding Church of Scientology (FCDC) where he acted as their Executive Director.

During those formative years, LRH gave numerous lectures in Washington D.C., including the Clearing Congress (the only filmed LRH lecture), the Ability Congress and the Games Congress which were delivered at the Shoreham Hotel, down the street from the FCDC.

Not only have we arranged for all guests to stay in the now famous Shoreham Hotel, but we will be visiting as well the above well known LRH landmarks and walk in the very footsteps of the man who started it all.

The LRH Hall will be the location to bring 1,000’s and 1,000’s of Scientologists from all corners of the planet to hear and see the latest news and plans of Scientology’s expansion and accomplishments.

The LRH Hall will host thousands of Scientologists coming for a multitude of events and activities which will be held every day.

These people coming to visit Flag for events will all be debugged, salvaged and gotten moving on the Bridge during their stay.

It is therefore urgent we do all we can now to create the LRH Hall so that we have this magnificent facility with which to create Planetary Clearing.

It is for that reason I ask you to help now and begin with your flow of $5,000, $10,000 or by becoming a LRH Hall Member with a gift of $25,000 to the L. Ron Hubbard Hall.

Thank you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Most sincerely,


This next item is one of 25 pages in a painfully stupid brochure we’re sparing you from having to go through in its entirety. Once again members are being hit up for money to buy books that will be sent to libraries because that’s where L. Ron Hubbard said the real action was. In 1965.


Smoking hot OT data!

UPDATE: Mike Rinder’s comment on this flier over at his blog: “$170 for someone else to make a profit telling you what ‘LRH said’ on how to ‘Flourish and Prosper?’ I wonder if the secret to success has anything to do with convincing suckers to give you $170 to pick out LRH quotes…”

Postulate Seminar Flyer - EMAIL

So hey, how’d that disco party go in Dallas?


A Feshbach coming out strong for the new Mountain View Ideal Org!


Now that the Sydney Ideal Org is open, there’s no stopping these guys!


One of our many little Holy Grails: We’re still hoping to find Marisol Nichols’s OT 8 graduation speech video!

flourish and prosper 1-10

WHOA! Kurt and Kannon! Now you know they’re serious in Mountain View. This is our first good look at this legendary Scientology couple since… well… (OK, we’ll spare you. But here’s the link for the new folks.)


We thought this inspirational essay should have been titled, “Hey, where is everybody?”


Finally, we wanted to follow up on our previous link to a 24-karat gold plated Mountain Bike that someone is trying to sell for a cool million bucks, the proceeds of which will go to a Scientology front group.

It turns out the bike has been on sale since late last year, and a tipster sent us this Scientology e-mail about it…


Date: Sat, 09 Nov 2013
From: Paul M. Godfrey (Ambassador TWTH)
Subject: A 24K gold extreme mountain bike, fully assembled!

The Way To Happiness Fdn. Int. and The House of Solid Gold creates 24K Gold Extreme Mountain Bike, the most expensive extreme mountain bike in the world!

We need your help to sell this amazing Bike, so it funds The Way To Happiness (TWTH) Projects, world-wide, and you can earn a substantial commission while doing this. The real thousands of Diamonds and Sapphires, are being put on the Bike this week.

The actual Bike, is VERY unique, and is the concept and production of Internationally famous, Professional Jewelry Designer, Hugh Power, as this is THE ONLY ONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD and has taken a year to put this all together with what you see here. You have to see this in real life up close; it’s like a huge piece of Gold Jewelry!!!!

(Also, if you have an interested buyer, then we can show the Bike to them, which is in LA).

This is being organized through The Way To Happiness Fdn. Int. (www.TheWayToHappiness.Org)

The Bike is worth $225,000 and we need to sell it for $1 Million, or more, with the proceeds going to The Way To Happiness Fdn. Int. for their world-wide programs, which help everyone, especially children, by giving them a simple, non-religious common sense guide to better living.

This amazing Bike:
1. Is a collectible,
2. Has an original signed and dated Certificate of Authenticity, and
3. Will be White Gloved Hand Delivered, crated and flown anywhere in the world, by the Artist, Hugh Power himself. (His website is below).

When you’ve helped sell the Bike for a $1Million, then there’s a $10,000 commission, if you sell it for more than $1 Million, there’s more.

This Bike will sell, as it’s the only one in the whole world and brand new, only we want it to sell well before this Christmas, 2013.

Please contact me for any help on this important TWTH Project.



Paul M. Godfrey.
Ambassador TWTH Fdn. Int.

Thanks again to our great tipsters!


Posted by Tony Ortega on June 8, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer


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