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Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Nancy Cartwright countdown to godhood edition!

Hey, sailor

Hey, sailor

Once again our great tipsters came through as we received a boatload of Scientology mailers and fliers this week. On Sundays, we enjoy sharing the best of them with you in order to get a snapshot of the church’s desperate attempts to get more money out of fewer people.

There are a number of interesting revelations in these advertisements, not the least of which is, Her Royal Governess has finally finished OT Seven!

That’s right — Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, has finally finished “the level” and now only has OT Eight left before she finally achieves godhood!

For the newer folks, if you followed along with our series that explored Scientology’s “Bridge” of courses, you would have learned that longtime church members eventually reach what are known as the “Operating Thetan” levels, which go from one to eight. Some of these pricy levels can be finished somewhat quickly, but we hear time and again that Scientologists tend to get stuck on OT 7, and it can take years to complete.

So we’re happy to hear that Nancy has finally made it through, and is one step closer to becoming a deity.



Sticking with our celebrity theme, here’s a sad reminder that a great jazz musician is being used to beg for money…


Hey, maybe if we have the few remaining people in our far-flung cities pretend to be friends, it will be like we’re still clearing the planet!

2014-07-24 - alliances

Our super-secret spy wing is now reduced to begging for money, just like everyone else. It’s a James Bond bummer.

7.20.14 osa

We know the Valley Ideal Org project in Los Angeles is beyond desperate to finish up the ten million or so it needs to beg from members. But this “C-note” business is really scraping. “Hey, don’t even show up with less than a hundred bucks to give us!”


Grant and Elena Cardone, now double the fun!


Justin Daly makes a “mis-estimation”…


There’s something so wistful and sad about this advertisement…


When did the Ideal Org program go Tea Party?


We’ve reported before that Narconon, Scientology’s drug rehab network, is trying to make a comeback in the UK. And here’s the call to action!


More proof that David Miscavige has managed to convince at least some of his followers that his “innovations” to low-level parts of the Bridge are somehow the next great thing, even for people who had spent years to get to the higher echelons. L. Ron Hubbard may have wanted you to reach the Scientology equivalent of grad school, but David Miscavige is a genius for convincing you to pay for Scientology kindergarten all over again!


The Sprechers are leading Scientology to global acceptance!


Scientology was crap! Now Scientology is great! Here, COB, take my money!


Silicon Valley, unhinged…


Thanks again to our great tipsters!


Posted by Tony Ortega on July 27, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer


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