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Sunday Funnies: Scientology says, May the Fourth be with you

SWDetailOn Sundays, we share with you the latest fundraising mailers Scientology has sent out to its beleaguered members, who have been subjected to constant appeals and are generally exhausted.

How do you convince people to keep coming out for events where they’ll be under intense pressure to turn over thousands of dollars they can’t afford to give? In recent years, we’ve seen Scientology organizations get increasingly creative (and cheesy), hoping that a party with a pirate or superhero theme will somehow convince church members to come down for a another fleecing.

And now, the folks at the Mountain View org — who are trying to raise millions for a new “Silicon Valley Ideal Org” — have really outdone themselves. Last night, they held a very special party for fundraising, and we think you’re going to enjoy the teaser video they put together to encourage attendance…

 

 
That video was accompanied by a couple of great mailers that also announced the event…

 
star_20wars_20EMAIL_202

 
Here’s the second one…

 
unnamed_5

 
We sure hope folks had a great time at that Star Wars-themed party, and it sure would be nice to see some photos!

We hope you take a close look at this next message that went out to Scientologists in the San Fernando Valley area. We’ve seen a lot of e-mails over the years that encourage church members to attend events and to give until it hurts for building projects. But we think you’ll agree with us that in recent months, these messages have really taken on a harder edge. There’s frustration here, and it bolsters other evidence we’ve seen that very rapidly, things are getting much tougher for the church. Even some of the most loyal, longtime members have had it with the constant pressure to donate.

 
wilson letter (1)

 
Hey, 64 AD starts on May 9! Who doesn’t want to go to a hog roast?

 
10days-dianeticsevent

 
What do you do when people are sick and tired of hearing about “Ideal” building projects? Start calling them “Iconic” instead! And more importantly, take a look at the turnout for these “iconic” events in the West US — has the entire population of active Scientologists in the western United States dwindled to only a few hundred people?

 
2014-04-25 - iconic events

 
Do we have any Austin readers who might go by and count the number of cars parked during this event?

 
Austin

 
Another favorite Scientology ploy — tell them a bigwig, in this case Celebrity Centre International president Dave Petit, will be delivering “big news.”

 
big news email 5

 
Finally, free of space cooties after only $400,000 or so!

 
fliergrad

 
The Sass couple are a lot poorer!

 
humanitarians - 2014-05-01-2

 
Jenny wants to supervise your case.

 
jenny

 
Guarantee your infinity of future? Is that even English?

 
pacp

 
And here he is! Scientology’s great hope for Alaska!

 
pdutim

 
OT Phenomena in a flier! Oh why oh why don’t we see more of this!

 
srdsuccess

 
Thanks again to our great tipsters!

 
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Posted by Tony Ortega on May 4, 2014 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS (We read Scientology’s founding text) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

UP THE BRIDGE (Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN (Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer

 

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