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The new Scientology ad running on TV — and maybe for the Super Bowl

SciAd15aWe’ve been getting reports from readers that Scientology has been running a television ad in prominent places in the last week or so. The ad appeared before one of the NFL playoff games this weekend, and we heard that it also ran yesterday during a showing of The View and the Ellen Degeneres Show.

That’s consistent with the way the church has done things over the last few years, as it has started out each new year with multiple showings of a new ad leading up to the Super Bowl.

We’ve tried, each time, in vain, to educate the media that Scientology does not pay the huge money for official Super Bowl slots (about $4 million for a 30-second spot), but instead runs its ad in only a handful of cities during periods that are reserved for local spots. (One expert told us the church might spend up to about a million dollars in total to run the ads in cities like New York and Los Angeles during the game.)

Whatever the cost, we’ve also pointed out numerous times that these ads generally produce ridicule on Twitter from viewers who are stunned to see Scientology advertising at all. But the point of these ads is not to attract new members. Former Scientology spokesman Mike Rinder says that the intended audience is Scientologists themselves, who must be convinced that the church is expanding (when the opposite is true) so they can be convinced to donate even more money.

We’ve pointed out how bogus the numbers are that Scientology comes up with in these ads. In an ad from a few years ago, Scientology claimed that it was growing by “more than 4.4 million” people each year, when the truth is that its worldwide membership is probably closer to only 35,000.

If you think that’s a stretch, you’ll love the numbers Scientology has put into this latest ad. The spot has no narration, just a lot of type presented against music. We’ve got some screenshots of it, and then we’ll provide a transcript…













You are here

So are 7,252,659,834 others

203,421,712 suffer from drug addiction

697,845,431 victims of crime

1,991,208,953 human rights violations

There’s only one way to solve it


The Church of Scientology works with over

50,000 schools, governments, churches, human rights organizations

To make a real difference

For more than 700,000,000 men, women, children

Across 193 nations

Tutoring (Applied Scholastics)

Criminal reform (Criminon)

Drug education (Foundation for a Drug-Free World)

Drug rehabilitation (Narconon)

Human rights education (United for Human Rights)

Mental health reform (CCHR)

Mentoring (The Way to Happiness)

Worldwide volunteering (Volunteer Ministers)

In a global network

Of 700,000 volunteers

From all faiths

Volunteering 50 million hours

To help people…freely

To help people selflessly

To help people indiscriminately

Teaching 19 million children the Truth About Drugs

Helping 4 million people lead lives without drugs

Enabling 43 million students to better their education

Making 111 million aware of their human rights

Allying 187,000 officials and advocates worldwide

Putting 112 million morals education materials in people’s hands

Giving aid to 24 million people in times of need

Because changing the world

Is a big job

But we can


Our help is yours

Take a look at the ad yourself, and give us your thoughts…


It’s true that Scientology has denuded entire forests in order to print mountains of copies of its various booklets and pamphlets, and we have little doubt that it counts every copy that gets handed out. But the evidence that Scientology’s sneaky front groups are making such an impact is much more elusive. The truth is, Scientology’s reputation has never been worse, its fortunes never more in doubt, and its efforts to ingratiate itself through deceptive infiltration tend to backfire. Still, it does make slick advertisements.


Bonus photos from our tipsters

Here’s a short video from Nancy Cartwright, known to Scientologists as “Her Royal Governness of the Vast Valley Territory” and to the rest of the world as the voice of Bart Simpson. Is she really saying here that she needs to check with her financial adviser before coughing up the cash for a Tesla? Is that the same adviser who tells her to spend millions on Scientology?


Bart rocks Tesla! #tesla #mskasey27 #amazingcars #toofun

A video posted by Nancy Cartwright (@nancy_cartwright) on

Meanwhile, it’s meal time at Narconon in Turkey!


Apparently they’ve finally run through all the cassette tapes in South Africa and have moved up to DVDs…


Scientologists are using social media more than ever. Drop us a line if you spot them posting images to Instagram or Facebook!


TMZ: Scientology stiffs pizza delivery guys

TMZ is reporting that Scientology’s Hollywood Celebrity Centre Hollywood Guaranty Building (HGB, with the LRH life exhibition on the ground floor and top Sea Org offices upstairs) ordered and paid for more than $2,000 in pizzas from a local Papa John’s but then stiffed the delivery guys, who had to make two trips to bring over 180 pies.

After TMZ printed its story, it heard from a church rep: “Senior officials were shocked and embarrassed and sent $300 to the restaurant.”

Some poor Sea Org worker at the CC is now running around a pole in the desert, no doubt.


The Charlie Hebdo massacre

We asked our man in Paris, Jonny Jacobsen, about today’s horrific slaughter at the offices of the satirical newspaper, Charlie Hebdo. He told us that he remembers meeting one of the publication’s well-known cartoonists, Bernard Velhac, better known by his pseudonym, Tignous, who was reportedly among those killed.

“He did court drawings at the Scientology trial,” Jonny tells us. “We only chatted during the adjournments, but he struck me as a nice guy — and I loved his work from the trial.”

Here is an example of a Tignous cartoon on Scientology…


In the United States, Scientology is a religion,

and in the United States, this is food!

Charlie Hebdo covered Scientology numerous times, and put it on the cover at least once…


[translation:] The next Pope will be a Scientologist
“It earns more”



18 days until Alex Gibney’s film Going Clear: Scientology & the Prison of Belief opens at the Sundance Film Festival at 2:30 pm on Sunday, January 25 in Park City, Utah

5 days until our special Underground Bunker announcement at noon, January 12

Posted by Tony Ortega on January 7, 2015 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of LA attorney and former church member Vance Woodward

UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING (Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer
The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ


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  • The Dude

    Night all. I have to go contemplate the inside of my eyelids. Before I fall asleep in this chair

    • Baby Mcgee

      xo Good night sweet prince..

      • The Dude

        Man oh man. My upstairs neighbors have to pick tonight for their babymakin’?

        • Baby Mcgee

          Hahahha.. Rockin it, huh?

    • Abstergo Industries

      Don’t fall asleep in the chair!

  • 4 days

  • I was reading Mike’s blog about false stats:
    and realized that Scientology IS a false stat itself.

  • Jenny Daniels

    I spent 6 excruciating hours resolving password problems today, thus I got to the Bunker very late. Someone probably noted this earl, but I’m so beyond looking…
    In light of all the negative attention Narcanon is getting, you’d think that $camtology would refrain from putting Narcanon into a TV ad with such broad circulation.
    Never mind, I forgot…adjectives like smart, circumspect, sensible don’t apply!

    • Elegant Mess

      Glad you could make it! There’s a discussion about the ad waaay downthread. But, I don’t blame ya for not wanting to scroll through so much after a day of tech problems.

      Hope your tomorrow is better!

  • Frodis73

    Yay, the kitty has been rescued and brought inside for the night…maybe for many nights. 😀

    Just finished ‘Blown for Good’. Wow. I laughed and cried along with Marc. My favorite part was when Claire called to try and get him to come back and he says hell no! I have slept and I have eaten and experienced real freedom! They said I’d get mugged and beaten. I have come out of my trance and I am never, ever, ever, NEVER going back. Or something like that. Marc, I loved it!
    I did not know about the banning of Depeche at Int Base! They also helped me through some tough times and I loved that song titles were used for chapters. I have so much respect for both of you…I’m still in shock after finishing it. I cannot wait to read a next book. HINT

    • Donna Cline Sargent

      I just read it a few weeks ago. it was the first book about Scientology that I have read.. It blew me away !

      • Frodis73

        You have to read ‘Bare faced Messiah’ by Russel Miller next…it’s all about LRH and you can just see what an ass he has been since he was a kid! The real messed up stuff starts around high school, but you can see his beginnings…quite fascinating. Marc’s book had so much heart. He and Claire are amazing people. I felt like I was at his side the entire book. I want to get Jenna’s book next…there are sooooo many. I want to own all of them too. Lol.

        • Donna Cline Sargent

          Thanx for the tip. I am going to get them all.I want to get Going Clear.

        • Elegant Mess

          Jenna’s book is great and a quick read. She’s especially adept at explaining Sci terminology for those of us never-in. Bare Faced Messiah is also great, though it can be dense with information, much like Atack’s A Piece of Blue Sky.

          I need to get my hands on a copy of Marc’s book. I always love his and Claire’s episodes on the Surviving Scientology Radio podcast. Their levity when discussing such traumatic incidents always astounds me. They are definitive proof of life after the cult.

    • I had read the book twice before I even noticed the chapter titles. Great Depeche fan Iam.
      Perhaps with my great skills at deduction I should become a detective.

      • Graham

        Oooh, I never realised. Loaned my copy out now, so can’t check.

        • Here it the table of contents. I recognised Personal Jesus because I love that song, but the others flew right over my head. I should work for OSA, Iam that skilled at observation 🙂

          • Graham


  • Ot: You know it’s real winter when you step outside for 5 minutes with the can of beer and come back with the can of slushie. Dress extra warm, East Coast!

    • Frodis73

      Yes, it is brutal out there. I hate it. OTOH, beer slushies can be fun!

    • Thanks, it was minus 4 when I left for work and now colder. yikes!

  • ShoopZ

  • Pierrot

    *** RED X +–+Notice +–+ RED X ***
    For those who do not have much time but would like to send a message to JJ in Boston and Tony Chen here are the links for Sacramento Riverpark mission.
    If you like to do ALL Sacramento (about 100 ads) go to the Regional list of the RedX spreadsheet. (see link below).

    James aka JJ and Gregory are spamming again after a break of a few months, find them
    in the Regional List or the Last 4 Days!
    Remember the RRT (Reboot router tech) as explained in the tips of the Last 4 Days tab on the RedX Google doc :

  • Pierrot

    *** RED X +–+ RED X +–+ RED X +–+ RED X *** Thursday the 8th of January

    Good morning Night Owls and Early Birds,
    I will be out and about today, here is the preliminary score for PRE-Stats day; the final close of the day will be as usual at 5am (est).
    The score for yesterday is 93 new/refreshed ads bringing the Last 4 Days UP from 375 to 400
    and the 7 days Regional List EVEN at 610.
    RedX write up :
    RedX spreadsheet:

    DON’T route out, BLOW, Get HELP, get OUT. CALL 1-866-XSEAORG

    Raphael by Carlos Quevedo, enhanced for RedX by DodoTheLaser, flickred by Aegerprimo

    • Elegant Mess

      Good morning, Pierrot! Red Xing is now my nightly wind-down ritual. So, thank you for that. Now I’m off to unwind and get some sleep.

      • Graham

        And I’ve just finished Red-Xing as part of my getting-up-in-the-morning ritual. Truly The Bunker never sleeps!

  • Sydjazz

    Funny these scion ads never make it to australian tv anymore. Used to see them years ago

  • chuckbeattyexseaorg75to03

    Blatant lying works!

    Er, Scientology Works!

    And L. Ron’s out circling a star, doing his OT running program, as we speak!

    Scientology gets a person up to believing Ron’s out doing the OT running program, right now, rejunvenating his soul horsepower for another go around planet hopping civilization saving!

  • Patrik Axelsson

    What strikes me as the most bizaare thing here is that a “church” is taking out ads at all. Is this common with other denominations in America?

    • There were some Catholic commercials a while back. It was a “Come Back Home” type , probably trying to recover from the priest abuse controversay.

  • rotulette

    1 991 208 953 human rights violations… Are you sure ?… I heard it was 1 991 208 954…

  • Seen in my neighbourhood this evening…

  • richelieu jr

    Good propaganda, L’il Davey!

    All you need to add is the clearly implied “Propaganda Octopus”? or “PropOc”, as w e call him the ‘biz’!

    Never has his deployment been so clearly called for (also available for Bar (and Bat) mitzvahs, parties, birthdays, weddings, and general reputation smearing and rumour mongering– but hey! Hwo do Ithink I’m talking to? That’s your bailiwick, isn’t it Davey! You don’t lecture Christ about water-walking and fish and loaves multiplication, now do you?


    • richelieu jr

      Or the states…?

    • richelieu jr

      ..or the Reds? The Japanese?

    • richelieu jr

      Or an oldie (but a baddie) from my country…

    • richelieu jr


      Classic Calumnies now 100% off for willing takers!
      Take one, get one free!