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Need last-minute gifts for the Scientologists on your list? We got your back, Santa!

We’ve seen a number of Scientology holiday catalogs over the years, and this year’s edition didn’t fail to give us a chuckle. So we thought we’d share some of the images from it while you prepare for your own holidays.

Now, this particular gift guide wasn’t focused on the cute Scientology-themed ornaments or jewelry that we’ve seen in other catalogs. This one was pure L. Ron Hubbard, which should be obvious from the cover. (“Source” is what Scientologists call Hubbard, whose writings form the organization’s “scripture.”)



And to help emphasize that point, there’s a nice reproduction of a photo we’ve seen before, the Great Thetan himself adding to a massive pile of presents under a tree. Hip, hip, hooray!


And on the next page, how about a nice brag from Hubbard about how Scientology puts all of those other traditions in the dust? Only Scientologists know from Christmas!


And what would you rather see under the tree than a spanking new E-meter, ready to launch you on your journey to immortality! (If you’re new to this stuff, yes, Scientologists really talk about “eternity” like it’s something in their grasp, thanks to L. Ron Hubbard and his little device that actually just measures skin galvanism and doesn’t actually read your mind.)


Oh wait, they cost how much?



OK, well maybe some books would be better. Yeah, that’s it, let’s give someone a pile of L. Ron Hubbard books and lectures!

Wait, they cost how much?


Well, bah humbug. This Scientology stuff seems a bit expensive for Christmas. But it’s the spirit that counts, right Ron?



Continuing our year in review: The stories of March 2022


Valerie Haney continued to fight against the court’s derailing of her lawsuit, and requested a new reconsideration based on the ruling that had restored the Bixler lawsuit in January. And Scientology came back at her with a typically bluster-filled filing. Later in the month, the court turned down Valerie’s request.

On March 6, another exclusive: Published for the first time anywhere, we had Jane Doe 1’s 2004 letter to Scientology’s “International Justice Chief” requesting permission to report Danny Masterson to the LAPD.

Another issue of Impact magazine mean we got to see the latest roster of wealthy whales keeping Scientology afloat, with another 20 trophies given out for donations of $1 million or more!

Paulette Cooper put out a memoir of her own that went into other areas of her life than what we covered in The Unbreakable Miss Lovely.

On March 13, we marked L. Ron Hubbard’s 111th birthday with tributes from his former fans.

We were shocked to hear about the death of Ginger Sugerman, and remembered how happy we had been that she could attend our HowdyCon in Chicago in 2018.

Louise Shekter had another piece for us, this time about her friendship with Quentin Hubbard and an odd theory about his suicide.

Will Smith’s fateful slap of Chris Rock at the Oscars naturally aroused curiosity about Smith’s involvement in Scientology. But we did what we could to point out that we had reported that Smith was out of Scientology by 2015.

And at the end of the month, we reported the shocking news that Hanan Islam, mother of Rizza Islam and a subject of much of our reporting about their troubles with the law, had died of cancer. She had been awaiting trial on Medi-Cal fraud charges for several years.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2021: First new footage of Shelly Miscavige in years, from a 2001 event. Steve Fishman got out of prison years early. Scientologist-owned ‘Real Water’ turned out to be poisoning people. ABC Mouse honcho Doug Dohring forked out another $10 million to Scientology and its “LRH Hall.” Rizza Islam named one of the twelve worst sources of online antivaxx disinformation.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2020: Grant Cardone pushing pushing bogus stem cell cures. David Miscavige was briefly scheduled for a deposition. Danny Masterson’s accusers spoke out in sworn declarations. The pandemic arrives and cancels the L. Ron Hubbard birthday event. Mark Bunker gets elected to city council in Clearwater. We got our hands on David Miscavige’s secret briefing for Scientologists calling the pandemic a “planetary bullbait.”

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2019: R.M. Seibert made the entertaining Scientology-US Government-NY Yankees connection. Evidence that Tom Cruise and John Travolta both attended the LRH Birthday event. Sunny Pereira remembers when Lisa Marie Presley brought Michael Jackson into the Celebrity Centre. The London Org sends out an auditor training success story by Isabella Cruise. Man (later identified as Brian Statler) is shot dead at the Inglewood Ideal Org.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2018: Scientology TV finally debuted, and featured David Miscavige in a short monologue. That same night, Leah Remini asked ‘Where’s Shelly?’ on the Aftermath. Arnie Lerma shot his wife in the face and then turned the gun on himself. And we learned that Kirstie Alley had achieved OT 8.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2017: Scientologist actor Danny Masterson was under investigation for multiple rapes. Joy Villa mulled a run for Congress. We caught Marty Rathbun helping his old nemesis, the Church of Scientology, in a court case. We traced Marty’s dramatic arc from Scientology critic to Scientology attack dog. Leah Remini turned out to have helped finance the Scientology/NOI dance. Kuba Ka charmed us in a lengthy interview. And Reza Aslan laid an egg.


A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2016: Attorney Ken Dandar dodges a million-dollar bullet. Tabatha Fauteux’s boyfriend tells us what really happened in her death while training for Scientology’s Narconon network. Belgium blows its prosecution of the church. And the saga of former Scientology helper cop, Skip Young.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2015: Federal Judge James Whittemore hamstrung the Garcia fraud lawsuit with a stunning ruling, we dug up even more evidence that L. Ron Hubbard used the threat of “R2-45” to intimidate former church members, Paul Haggis gave us his thoughts as Alex Gibney’s Going Clear debuted on HBO, and we got to hear Sylvia DeWall being declared an SP while it was happening,

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2014: John Travolta mangled Idina Menzel’s name at the Oscars. We interviewed Russell Miller as his book Bare-Faced Messiah came back in print after 27 years. Jillian Schlesinger told us her gripping story of escape from the Sea Org.

A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2013: We had fun with SMERSH Madness. We leaked Sea Org life histories. Narconon Arrowhead CEO Gary Smith lost his professional certification.


Technology Cocktail

“The phenomenon of communication lag is intensely useful; it tells you immediately how far the individual is out of present time; it tells us also the ability of the preclear to give up a problem. He may be so hungry for problems, and every question is a problem which requires an “answer,” that he simply swallows the problem and refuses to solve it by giving an answer to the question. It also tells us how protective, defensive the preclear is in regard to life and the environment.” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1954



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.



THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

— The Underground Bunker Podcast

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— SPECIAL: Your Proprietor’s updates on the Danny Masterson trial

[1] Sep 21 [2] Sep 28 [3] Oct 4 [4] Oct 10 [5] Oct 11: Day One [6] Oct 12: Day Two [7] Oct 13: Day Three [8] Oct 17: Day Four [9] Oct 18: Day Five [10] Oct 19: Day Six [11] Special interview with Chris Shelton, Oct 19 [12] Oct 20: Day Seven [13] Oct 21: Day Eight [14] First week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [15] Oct 24: Day Nine [16] Oct 25: Day Ten [17] Oct 27: Day Eleven [18] Oct 28: Day Twelve [19] Second week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [20] Halloween special [21] Nov 2: Day Thirteen [22] Nov 3: Day Fourteen [23] Nov 4: Day Fifteen [24] Third week in review [25] Nov 5, Saturday special [26] Nov 6, Sunday special [27] Nov 7, Day Sixteen [28] Lisa Marie Presley breaking news [29] Nov 8, Day Seventeen [30] Nov 9, Day Eighteen [31] Nov 10, Day Nineteen


Source Code

“Every language has a basic word for ‘accept’ and a basic word for ‘reject’ which allows for no argument. Whereas they do have differences on such a thing as ‘associate.’ Look what Freud did with ‘associate.’ I’m being awfully hard on the old man this morning. There’s no reason to be hard on the guy, he actually was the entering wedge into psychotherapy. But I’m young and cocky and I didn’t have to write ‘Psychoanalysis: Terminable and Interminable.’ I didn’t have to write that. I will never have to write something, now, I know very well, called ‘Dianetics: Terminable or Interminable.’ Apathy, apathy. Imagine a guy beating the drum, beating the drum all those years, having to sit down and write that essay. This was one of the last essays he wrote. He knew he had failed before he died, which is the saddest thing that can happen to any man.” — L. Ron Hubbard, December 23, 1954



Avast, Ye Mateys

“The boot top and hull need squaring up. The gold stripe and the gold name should be handled quickly. She should be prettied up for Christmas and the New Year. She is a very nice ship. Almost any other ship would leap about madly in the seas in which we run. She is also a very pretty ship and looks more like a yacht than most yachts do.” — The Commodore, December 23, 1970


Overheard in the FreeZone

“I think us Scios need to look after our bodies and live longer as there’s a bit of a problem with div 6 in the Scientology world and until we have a healthy influx on new bodies into Scientology regularly, until the div 6 problem has been handled, we are going to have to make sure the bodies we’ve got are around for as long as possible. Like til you’re 120, no joke, and I actually expect more than that. This is vital for Scientology ATM. So to do this there are great supplements available, I take: Astaxanathin, Niacin, Reishi tea (so happy I can drink a supplement, so good), Alex Jones’s DNA Force, White Powder Gold and Resveratrol. Just a bit of this stuff everyday forever will stop the body from ageing….Our bodies have been designed to age and die, they’ve been programmed to by SPs, well we can get around this. Intelligent, awake people need to live as long as possible. This is no negotiable unless you want to get a new body sometime soon which might be right for you, but for the rest of us, we aint gonna die and we are gonna make Scientology a game for many more.”


Past is Prologue

1998: Jukka Santala reported that the Finnish Ministry of Education has refused to grant Scientology religious status. “The news broke out in the morning, with a lead-in article in Finland’s largest national newspaper, ‘Helsigin Sanomat’. The lead-in/summary article specifically mentions that the main reason for rejection of the application was ‘Because collecting money seems more important than practicing religion’ to Scientology. It’s also notes this is the first time an organization has been denied religious classification in Finland.
This won’t affect their operation in that religious classification in Finland is mostly a formality, that doesn’t bring any additional tax-breaks for example. However, it does grant some sort of credibility, right to be taught as a religion in schools and less strict tax-monitoring. According to Finnish law, you may apparently only belong to one ‘religion’ at time. Thus religions ‘compatible with other religions’ haven’t traditionally sought religious status.”


Random Howdy


“One of the few things I appreciate about the cult is their retro-ness.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Mistrial declared November 30. Status conference scheduled January 10, retrial scheduled March 27.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Plea deadline scheduled for December 16.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff scheduled to time served with three years supervised release, restitution of $9.7 million.
Rizza Islam, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for March 1 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial hearing December 9.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Found guilty of criminal and civil contempt.

Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Complaint filed April 28 in Tampa federal court, Scientology moving to compel arbitration. Plaintiffs filed amended complaint on August 2. Hearing November 17 to argue the arbitration motions, awaiting ruling.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Selection of arbitrators underway. Next court hearing: February 2, 2023.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place at least through February 7.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Case settled ahead of scheduled Dec 6 trial.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: New trial ordered after appeals court overturned prior ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] INSIDER: How Scientology’s ‘Ideal Org’ scam works, and how members are victimized by it
[TWO years ago] Political dupe of the day: KC councilman helps Scientology front group with ‘murder’ signs
[THREE years ago] Bernie Headley, 1952-2019: A man who fought against Scientology’s ‘disconnection’
[FOUR years ago] Scientology’s smear machine hurting your reputation? For $1,500 they can help with that.
[FIVE years ago] A look back at the month when all hell broke loose for Scientology and Danny Masterson
[SIX years ago] LAPD needs two more weeks to respond to Leah Remini about missing wife of Scientology leader
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology’s 2015 in review: In March, HBO went Clear while we eavesdropped on Flag
[EIGHT years ago] Scientology hit with 25th lawsuit by Las Vegas attorney as he goes after Florida rehab
[NINE years ago] Scientology’s mecca wants you to come to Florida and run circles around a pole
[TEN years ago] Scientology’s 2012 in Review: Debbie Cook Makes Us Remember the Alamo
[ELEVEN years ago] Scientology on the High Seas: Yuletide Cheer, Including Dickens Adapted with Evil Psychs


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,887 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,392 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,942 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,932 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,823 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,128 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,998 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,103 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,576 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,892 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,458 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,377 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,545 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,126 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,387 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,423 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,138 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,703 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,018 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,193 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,744 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,875 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,213 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,068 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,187 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,543 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,846 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,952 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,350 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,226 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,809 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,304 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,558 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,667 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on December 23, 2022 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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