FOLLOW ME ON
Daily Notifications
Sign up for free emails to receive the feature story every morning in your inbox at tonyortega.substack.com

Categories

Scientology has its whales, but here are the leviathans of the Underground Bunker!

[Ready for your trophy?]

Scientologists can not only become “patrons” and “laureates” and “meritorious” based on how much money they give to the IAS (Scientology’s main slush fund), they can also become “ambassadors” and “luminaries” if they help pay for book dissemination campaigns.

There are so many ways Scientologists can get fancy trophies and certificates and swag! Why should they have all the fun?

We decided it was about time we started awarding statuses to our amazing commenters, who have been in the trenches with us in this absurd pursuit for many years now.

In this case, the coin of the realm is upvotes, a rough guide to how useful or funny or poignant a comment is. And some of our readers have amassed some pretty huge piles of them. As an incentive for their participation, we’re rewarding our whales with some awfully fun status levels.

Here’s the deal: We did our best to tease out your upvote numbers from the Disqus backend, a process fraught with inconsistency. So please, if you don’t see yourself on the list, let us know so we can add you.

Advertisement

And for heaven’s sake, when you reach a new level of awesomeness, tell us so we can recognize you for it. It’s time your hard work paid off here in the Bunker, and heck, if you come to HowdyCon, we’ll hand out some certs or something. Just don’t expect giant trophies handed out by a coiffed little guy in a tux.

 

[500,000+ Upvotes: Blue Whale Kha-Khan]

 

[400,000-499,999 Upvotes: Fin Whale Invictus]

Observer

 

[300,000-399,999 Upvotes: Sperm Whale Maximus]

Panopea Abrupta

 

[200,000-299,999 Upvotes: Right Whale Excalibur]

Andrea ‘i-Betty’ Garner, Once_Born, Phil Jones, Phoebequeen, Robert Eckert, Sherbet

 

[150,000-199,999 Upvotes: Bowhead Whale Laureate]

chukicita, dagobarbz, flyonthewall, Mark Parry-Maddocks, Missionary Kid, NOLAGirl(Stephanie), PickAnotherID, Rasha, RMycroft, Snake Plissken, ze moo

 

[125,000-149,999 Upvotes: Humpback Whale Meritorious]

Baby, Jimmy3, Juicer77, Kestrel, Shorpy

 

[100,000-124,999 Upvotes: Gray Whale Luminary]

Aron, DodoTheLaser, Douglas D. Douglas, Draco, Graham, Intergalactic Walrus, nottrue

 

[75,000-99,999 Upvotes: Bryde’s Whale Ambassador]

J. Swift, John P., Liberated, Newiga, Science Doc

 

[50,000-74,999 Upvotes: Minke Whale Vanguard]

aquaclara, Artoo45, BosonStark, Captain Howdy, chuckbeattyx75to03, Derek, Eclipse-girl, Eivol Ekdal, Ella Raitch, Frodis73, Harpoona Frittata, Jeb Burton, Jens TINGLEFF, Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn), kemist, Kim O’Brien, Lousy Ratatouille, madame duran, MaxSpaceman, M.C. Mayo, Michael Leonard Tilse, Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack, Mockingbird, OTVIIIisGrrr8!, Princess Erika the Radiant, Puget Buckeye, Reyne Meyer, salin, Suzanna Nielsen, Vaquera

 

[40,000-49,999 Upvotes: Beaked Whale Benefactor]

5 Feet Long and Luminous, aegerprimo, Andrew Robertson, Cece (tigger) Smith, Chee Chalker, daisy, gtsix, Lina Sithlady, LongtimeLurker, MrsLurksALot, One Human, OOkpik, pluvo, Qbird, Richard, Stan, Sunny, worstcultever

 

[30,000-39,999 Upvotes: Bottlenose Whale Guardian]

3feetback-of-COS, Anonymous, beauty for ashes, FredEX2, Free Minds Free Hearts, Gflded Kim, Gladys Kravitz, iampissed, Jack99, John Prince, L. Wrong Hubturd, LHS (Nasty Woman), madge filpot, MarcabExpat, M L, Owletalenie, MickeyTheMouse, Sejanus, SuccülentDuck, sugarplumfairy, Techie, TexasBroad, tigger, TrevAnon, UTR

 

[25,000 – 29,999 Upvotes: Orca New Civilization Builder]

Ben Franklin, Bob Crouch, Cheap & Nothing Wasted, ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones, davegrille, Glen, jazzlover, Jimbo, Karen de la Carriere, Mat Pesch, read my avi, Scream Nevermore, stillgrace2, Todd Tomorrow, Tory Christman

 

[20,000 – 24,999 Upvotes: Beluga Whale Crusader]

Bob, Calligraph, Chris Shelton (Galactic Patrol), Dee Findlay-DeElizabethan, Garumpf, Grisian Farce, HillieOnTheBeach, Independent Scientology News, Jerseygram, Just Hummin’ Along, M from Toronto, Mark Foster, monkey, mook, Pete Griffiths, Richard Grant, richelieu jr, sizzle8, Skip Press, Still_On_Your_Side, Sunny Sands, Tone, villagedianne, Vistaril

 

[15,000-19,999 Upvotes: Narwhal Humanitarian]

0tessa, AcceptorDisprove, April, Ardent, balletlady, c8h10n4o2, CK, dungeon master, edge, FirstNameUnknown, Gerard Plourde, Hamtaro, Ibby, ISNOINews, JaxNGold, Jenyfurrrrr, Jgg2012, joan nieman, LeeAnneClark, Lucille Austero, Marc Headley, Mark Foster, Mick Roberts, mirele, Mooser, Mrs. B (noseinabk), Narapoid, Noesis. Nomo, outraged, Phil McKraken, Pierrot, ReallyMGM, Riga G, RustyS, SarahDB, Shivani33, SLIM, Stacy, TX Lawyer, What’sup, WOG with Attitude

 

[10,000-14,999 Upvotes: Whale Shark With Honors]

Ammo Alamo, Ann B Watson, anony bird, Bagpuss is my co-pilot!, Betsy, BigMcLargeHuge, bixntram, Cars, Cat Daddy, Chocolate Velvet, Clark Ashton Kutcher, Dawn G., Dr_Orpheus, EmmyD6, FistOfXenu, Fred G. Haseney, Geoff Levin, grundöön, Holy Cow, Jefferson Hawkins, Jon Hendry, KJP is in Portland, Lliira, mark, Moonshot, MostEthicalPimp, Mrs. V., Nothing to see here, OrangySky, otviii2late, Patty Moher, PerpetualOutflow, Peter, PoisonIvyHerself, RexAinsfree, richelieu jr, Robert Hammond, Sarah James, scnethics, Scott in PT, shasha40, Sibs, Sidney18511, Silence of the Clams, Sir smorbie, Snippy_X, Spackle Motion, stanrogers, The Hot Tub of Sadly No!, TheLurkingHorror, The Original Donald, ThetaBara, The tree man, Tracy Schmitz, Wayne Borean

 

[7,500-9,999 Upvotes: Great White Shark Super Power]

10oriocookies, andy o, Anion, Anonymous Confused Person, aurora50, balletlady, Bavarian Rage, Bella Legosi, Beth, BraveBloggers, downtherabbithole, Fine Young Animal, FromPolandWithLove, George Layton, HTC, Illinoisian, Ivan Mapother, JJ, Jo, Just Dee, Kristin G, Len Zinberg, Lurkness, Mary, Mary_McConnell, Meepthorp, MissCandle, mockingbird, mon elle, N. Graham, PeterBlood, PreferToBeAnon2, pronoia, ScientologyDoesNotExist, SciWatcher, SDB, Sh00pZ, Shanester, SnackTheoryConfidential, Suppressive Tomato, SurferJoe, Synthia Fagen, Taffy Sinclair, TheDude, TickTockDave, Trashton Porter, triumph, V900, Walter Mitty, Zeruel (Sebastian)

 

[6,000-7,499 Upvotes: Manta Ray Disseminator]

9001, Allie, Almira, Asillem4, Aslan’s Own, Assez_Rire, Axiom 142, Barbara Angel, Bradley Greenwood, Brian J Sheen, BTs2Free, BumpIt McCarthy, Cosmo Pidgeon, Cosmoneydoc, Davka, ExCult.Jan, Heidi, jim, jimpjorps, Joe Howard, Jon Hunter, JustCallMeMary, Lori Hodgson, mOstSpecialAgent Joe McClaine, Ms. B. Haven, Paul V. Tupointeau, Racnad, Ruby, SandiCorrena, Scott H, scottmercer, shellybrittcorrias, Shut Up Oracle, Sir Hemet TC Burlwood VIII, Sookie Sookie, Spike Robinson, t1kk, tetloj, TheMirrorThetan, thetastic, Valerie Ross, Victoria Pandora, Zana

 

[5,000-5,999 Upvotes: Sunfish Insouciance]

A bird in the chimney, And I’m Cute Too, anonsparrow, argyranthemum, Bert Allen, Bleuler, burythenuts, Captain MustSavage, Chuck Beatty, Commodore H. McCringleberry, DoveAlexa, El Con Blubbard, Fuzzy, Great White Clam, Grumpy Cat, IASREG, Linear13, McCarran, Neil Clark, otviii2late, Princess Squishy, Rick Alan Ross, rom661, romanesco, Room 101, Schmarty party, Sergeant Pepper, seriouslyWTF, skiesareblue, Snuzey, Stephanie Loving, StudentOflife, Susan black, Sydjazz, Syllabub, UhLasare, WildaBeast

 

[4,000-4,999 Upvotes: Sturgeon Affluence]

Alice Graves, AnyOldName1, California, Chewkacca, CofS Exit Zone, Couch_Incident, Dave Reams, David Qeet, dchoiceisalwaysrs, DexterSka, Different Anonymous, Dolly Jones, Drat, Edward Whalley, Ever met an SP?, Exscn staff, Exterrier, Faux Gibbler, FleaT, generic sock, Interested, InterestedObserver12, jen, just another guy out there, Kay, KingofSweden, Kristen, Little Brother Joey(3-7-77), Lolow0708, Mike Rinder, ombrifuge, Pedro, picketflag247, PJK, PRenaud, Sandy, Scientology_411, Simon Tology, SP’Onage, stateofcircle, stellamaris73, Suzy, Unex Skcus, valshifter, VickiStubing, WhereIsSHE, Xique

 

[3,500-3,999 Upvotes: Marlin Straightwire]

Always Amazed, arcinva, baddog5623, Bernie Headley, daytoncapri, Donna Cline Sargent, Doug Parent, Elegant Mess, endoftheQ, Fink Jonas, Gravitysucks, Helen Van Patterson Patton, InTheNameOfXenu, janedoe2, jeff, jmh, Kevin Tighe, KNMF, Lady Squash, Linda Clement, Miss Dutch, NiiiceKittyKittyKitty, saksin, Sarcasmo, Semper Phi, Spacer, Vault Digger, Verve, Xenu is my Homeboy

 

[3,000-3,499 Upvotes: Barracuda Beingness]

Barry Johnson, Calligraph, deanblair, David E Love, Dibythesea, DMSTCC, DrGreatCham, FollowTheMoney, Franklin Adams, Grisian Farce, Hana Eltringham Whitfield, Interested2, InterestedinCrazy, itsIBBy, Jenny Griffith, Joey Dentures, Jon S, Larry, K2P2(KnitNut), Mareka Backus, May_West, Minion Gayle, MM, Noni Mause, Orglodyte, Paulette Cooper Noble, Pierohi, Red Carpet 776, scamofscientology, Scientia, Sir_Real, Troy MacGyver SP, V Vendetta, whingeybingey, woodrose

 

[2,500-2,999 Upvotes: Perch Patron]

Allioops, Are_sics, BareFacedMessiah, BeezleBobby, Beverly, Casabeca, CB_Tells, Charles Murdoch, Charlotte, CoolHand, Cupcakes for Breakfast, Dancing Cranberry, disco george, Elendira, Emily, Flying High, George M. White, HolyCash, Imelda Marcos, ISNOINews, ithilien, J238, Jen Hanson Gruber, Jesse Prince, Jonathan Cummings, Jonny Jacobsen, JustSheila, Kitz, Kristin Rawls, Macallan, Mark Bunker, Midwest Mom, Miss Cabbage, Mymy88, osofine, philosofa, pixie dust, SignsOfSuccess, Skabetti, SRI foxi, Susan B., trow125, USA MRIID, Willie Jones, Xenu’s son.

 

[2,000-2,499 Upvotes: Minnow Champion]

Alexander_Supertramp, AmoVolare, AutOmatic, BabySmurfette, cymboli, Dean Fox, dwayners13, Elen, ElleGee, FleaT, FOTF2012, Fly Lady, HeatherGraceful, jane456, Jenstnick, Jon Atack, Joy Lover (Ex-CS), Justmeteehee, Kimmy3, Lolow 0708, LongNeckGoose, Marie Claire Wolf, MarionDee, mikecrosby, moonfire, NaplesFLA, NeverIn, Not a Scientologist Butt, ParticleMom, Peggy oh!, Robert Hanna Moore, RK, Robin Descamp, Roger Y, Royce Harlow, Saint, Sam SanAntonio, Stefan, Stephenie Loving, Username, vistaril_LOL, Warrior, Wog

 

[The Everlasting Pod]

Bernie Headley, Captain Howdy, Denise Brennan, Nan McLean, Puget Buckeye, Ron Miscavige, Sugarplumfairy

 
——————–

3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on October 5, 2018 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2017 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2017), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news

 

Share Button
Print Friendly, PDF & Email
ADVERTISEMENT