Sure, go ahead and laugh, you doubters. It’s true that in May Scientology’s cruise ship the Freewinds was a world-wide laughingstock when it was quarantined for a measles case and overnight became the symbol of our dumb era of anti-vaxx panic. And subsequently (and perhaps because of it?) the annual June “Maiden Voyage” week celebrating the anniversary of the ship’s 1988 rechristening was pared down a bit from previous years.
But whatever odds were stacked against it, Maiden Voyage 2019 ended up being a totally amazing super-colossal big fat success, and we know that because the Church of Scientology’s official press release says so.
“A weeklong religious retreat at sea, the cruise is a celebration of the highest levels of Scientology, when the most advanced Scientologists from across the globe gather for a midyear review of accomplishments and subsequently set their course for future expansion toward creating a better world,” the church assures us.
How ecclesiastical. So let’s take a look at how much fun it was to be on board Scientology’s barge with church leader David Miscavige, who at 59 is looking fit and basking in the adoration of the jillions of people crammed into the ship’s disco…
It’s at Maiden Voyage that wealthy Scientologists get a sneak peek at Dave’s plans for the near feature. Which meant that they got to see computer renderings of the new Ideal Orgs about to open.
Chicago:
Ventura:
Austin:
Kansas City:
As well as happy reports from existing facilities, such as fun fairs in Dublin…
Easter Egg hunts at Saint Hill…
The new Advanced Org grand opening in South Africa…
And the cutting edge initiative to use QR codes to set Scientology recruiting on fire…
And what’s a Scientology celebration without shills? In this case, three dead authors and one living one. Hooray!
No Maiden Voyage week would be complete without a night led by the Silver Mullet, L. Ron Hubbard historian Dan Sherman, whose job it is to mythologize Hubbard to the most credulous audience on the high seas…
And in case anyone is still under the impression that the Narconon drug rehab network is not a Scientology project…
And here’s a shot of the front row. The only celeb we spot is Nancy Cartwright. Couldn’t Tom and John swing a visit to Dave’s Love Boat?
Assuming you were vaccinated, wouldn’t you have wanted to attend? And what suggestions can you make for Dave for future voyages?
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Bonus items from our tipsters
Meanwhile, in North Africa…
If there was an impression we expected to get from Tommy Davis’s Morocco wedding with Egyptian actress Maie Ibrahim, “Fredo at the Copa before C.O.B. has him whacked” was not it.
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Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!
We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.
Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!
Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!
Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!
Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?
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THE WHOLE TRACK
[ONE year ago] Scientology celebrates 30 years of duping wealthy people on the high seas!
[TWO years ago] HowdyCon: From “Squeeze My Cans,” Cathy Schenkelberg’s sexy Scientology sec-check!
[THREE years ago] Scientology’s ‘Ideal’ program really reaching at this point as it eyes a city without an org
[FOUR years ago] Is David Miscavige really planning to extend Scientology’s ‘Bridge’?
https://tonyortega.org/2014/07/01/rathbun-scientology-never-endorsed-anyone-where-there-wasnt-a-clear-self-interest/ Rathbun: ‘Scientology never endorsed anyone where there wasn’t a clear self-interest’
[SIX years ago] Scientology To Turn Over 18,000 Pages of Evidence to Laura DeCrescenzo on Tuesday
[SEVEN years ago] How Scientology Is Likely To Be an Issue in the Divorce of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise
[EIGHT years ago] Scientology and the Nation of Islam: A Heartwarming Independence Weekend Parable
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Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,494 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,623 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,127 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,647 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 667 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 558 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 3,865 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,733 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,507 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,281 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,627 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,193 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,112 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,280 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 2,861 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,122 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,161 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,873 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,399 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,488 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,628 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,948 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 7,804 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,923 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,278 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,581 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,687 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,089 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,961 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,544 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,039 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,293 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,402 days.
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Posted by Tony Ortega on July 1, 2019 at 07:00
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Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.
The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2018 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2018), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)
Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ
Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…
Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.
Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele
