Daily Notifications
Sign up for free emails to receive the feature story every morning in your inbox at


Scientology, stop being so stupid during the pandemic. We have some advice for you.

We have a message for the Orlando Scientology org. There is no such thing as coming together to fight the coronavirus. Staying apart is how you fight the pandemic. And yet, you sent a team of six into this Catholic priest’s home to spray disinfectant (see above), and all you did is expose him to potentially infected individuals. Nobody here is staying six feet apart as recommended.


We have a message for the Melbourne, Australia org. There is no coronavirus on your roof. And even if there were viruses there, nobody is going to be infected unless you send them up on the roof. Keep people at home and be safe there. The roof will be OK until the pandemic is under control.


We have a message for Charley Wakley of the London Ideal Org. Nobody is calling for volunteers to wander the streets distributing cleaning supplies. Please don’t recruit Scientologists to join you in this effort. All you are doing is decreasing your social distance. Your mask won’t prevent you from being infected, it only helps to protect others if you are infected. If you suspect you are infected, please stay home.


We have a message for the Johannesburg org and AOSH Africa at the Kyalami Castle. Even if you spray 25,000 gallons of disinfectant you will not prevent the spread of coronavirus in South Africa. As of Friday there were over 1,500 reported cases in your country and seven deaths. Traveling the country spraying buildings is not the way to stop the virus. Increase your social distance instead.



Do not travel to disinfect wedding halls such as the Waterfall Edge and expect it to be safe for gatherings afterwards. Do not offer to spray the offices of the Road Traffic Management Corporation. Staying home and not coming into contact with others is the way to stop the virus. Your volunteers are all within six feet of each other. You are too close.


We have a message for Flag Land Base in Clearwater. You are too close to each other. No amount of disinfectant will stop the spread of the coronavirus if you keep standing this close and touching each other. Keep your distance.


Don’t be like members of these Scientology orgs who are traveling and coming into close contact with others. Instead follow the example of the majority of event organizers who are conducting events on the Internet instead of in person. Be like Marc and Prisca Arrighi who are increasing social distance rather than reducing it. Be like the Hawaii org and hold your fundraisers online. Keeping safe means keeping your distance.

— Rod Keller



Ask a Scientologist!

Here’s a question that came in to, and we thought Sylvia DeWall might be the best person to answer it. If you have a question for one of our many experts, please send it in!

Do Scientologists only socialize with other Scientologists? Do any of them actually have ‘wog’ friends? Or do they only befriend wogs with the intention of trying to recruit them?

Six months before getting declared, Timothy and I hosted a Christmas party at our home in Clearwater. At least a hundred people showed. All Scientologists. On average we hosted three or four parties or gatherings a year. Everyone was a Scientologist. I knew people through my work (tradespeople on jobsites) who were not cult members, and I’d sometimes invite them. But only a few ever showed up. None came a second time. I have to assume it’s because they felt uncomfortable, most likely because the main topic of conversation at these events was Scientology. “Where are you on the Bridge?” was a popular phrase right after asking someone’s name. Lots of foul language floated about and no subject was taboo. I get why a stranger might feel uncomfortable. Especially later in the evening when the “amazing Ron” stories came out. Like how he could fly around the sun, walk through walls, or make a chandelier appear out of nowhere! If the non member wasn’t solicited to at the party itself, then I’d be tasked by an OT to get that new person in to the local mission to do a course! Crazy. And don’t even get me started on my events venue and the whackos coming over from Flag eager to tell me what I should be doing with my place, the Sage Events Venue on Fort Harrison.

— Sylvia DeWall


HowdyCon: See you in 2021

We’ve canceled this year’s planned convention in St. Louis because of the pandemic. We are hoping to meet in that fair city in 2021, with help again from flyonthewall and Observer, who had been doing such a great job getting this year’s party planned. Until then, please take care of yourself and protect your health.

— The Proprietor


Source Code

“A fellow made a postulate. He said, ‘I’m going to square this all up. To be a pirate. That’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to be a pirate.’ And a few trillennia later, he sees a pig going down the road with a ring in its snout. And he faints and has a heart attack. Everybody says, ‘Look at what the hot weather has done to him.’ No! The hot weather might have assisted all this, but who did it to him? He did it to himself Way back down the track he said, to be a pirate. And, of course, pirates wear rings in their noses. There it is. Who did it? He did it. Well now, you can’t go around condemning this person for having done it to himself…you don’t have to blame him if you can eradicate it. Well, all of these causations for his ‘misfortunes’ are initially and basically resident in the GPM. Now, those of yesteryear have actually far more force on him, than those of today. These items here in present time — oh, those items are terribly important. Maybe he’s sitting in something that says, ‘Women who look like beatniks.’ You know? Maybe that’s the oppterm, see…And his wife’s a very neatly dressed girl and everything else and he’s always calling her a beatnik and she never can figure it out and he never can figure it out. And here are these items here, a chronic present time problem…He knows, you see, that the source of his ulcerous condition, you see, is because he eats too much harsh food. No, no. That’s the somatic ‘all women are beatniks.’ And what does he have to be? He has to be a Turk in order to combat this in some aberrated way. Well, there’s his ulcers and there’s his opposition. And he begins to think the whole environment is against him when in actual fact it’s just ‘women are beatniks.’ He sees some uncombed hair, he gets ulcers. Bang, bang, just like that — one, two!” — L. Ron Hubbard, April 4, 1963



Overheard in the FreeZone

“Now there is the problem of governments using the virus to impose totalitarian fascist states for the World Government. What are OTs going to do? (OT Kirstie Alley is commending Trump for defending the USA, flowing power to the power as described in the ‘Responsibility of Leaders Policy Letter.’) Is this a move for a One World Government, as predicted by Captain Bill Robertson in the early 90’s in his UFO Lecture? Is the solution to postulate a New Civilization? Who are the experts at postulating? The OTs. How many are aware of this?”


Random Howdy

“Some of my greatest wins have come from applying the ‘you seem kind of tense’ back rub tech. Last thing we want is for the WOGs — a/k/a Women On Guard — to become aware of this wondrous technology.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Jay Spina: Sentencing was set for April 3 in White Plains
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members: Trial set for April 14 in Los Angeles

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Waiting for an appellate decision from the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Hearing on motion for reconsideration set for June 17
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology: April 22 (plaintiff attorneys pro hac vice), June (demurrers by Masterson and Scientology), June (motions to compel arbitration)
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe’s attorneys have asked for discovery, depositions (Warren McShane, Lynn Farny), April 20 hearing set (motion to compel arbitration)
Matt and Kathy Feschbach bankruptcy appeal: Oral arguments were heard on March 11 in Jacksonville
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Amended complaint filed.


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Erika Christensen, Ethan Suplee, and Juliette Lewis]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] Scientology’s bogus ‘arbitration’: The Garcia appeal brief is here, and it’s a beauty
[TWO years ago] Scientology cranks up its ‘noisy’ investigation of Leah Remini, and she fires back
[THREE years ago] David Miscavige: Scientology TV launches by June 21, to show ‘planet’s coolest religion’
[FOUR years ago] VIDEO: David Miscavige’s entire speech at Scientology’s Atlanta ‘Ideal Org’ opening
[FIVE years ago] ‘Going Clear’ subject Tom DeVocht visited by Burbank PD after suspicious anonymous tip
[SIX years ago] Video Vault: Hear L. Ron Hubbard unite Dianetics and Scientology in connubial bliss!
[SEVEN years ago] The Secret to Scientology’s “Wins” Revealed?
[EIGHT years ago] Mike Rinder on “The Hole,” Indoctrination, Confessions, and His Ultimate Escape


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,897 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,401 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,921 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 941 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 832 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,139 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,007 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,781 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,555 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,901 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,467 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,386 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,554 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,135 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,396 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,434 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,147 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,672 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,202 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,762 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,902 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,222 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,077 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,197 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,552 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,855 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,961 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,363 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,235 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,818 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,313 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,567 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,676 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on April 4, 2020 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2019 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2019), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 14 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Share Button
Print Friendly, PDF & Email