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Scientology is dying to keep you well from the pandemic it doesn’t believe in

Don’t miss our bonus coverage last night about Clearwater Police Chief Dan Slaughter’s inspection of the Flag Land Base.

According to Slaughter, Scientology was keeping things at the base clean and also making sure people kept their distance from each other. Many of our readers, however, remained skeptical.

But there’s no doubt that many Scientologists have thrown themselves into the effort of making it look like Scientology cares about educating the public about the dangers of the coronavirus, even though church leader David Miscavige called it a lot of hysteria.

You knew you could count on the peripatetic London Org mascot, Charlie Wakley, to jump into the effort with both feet. Besides his daily videos for distance learning, he’s also anxious to bring you cleaning products. Won’t you please invite him over?



Hey, you may be stuck at home with the kids, but don’t forget to send in their college fund!


Do you think California’s governor and LA’s mayor really want Scientologists out in the neighborhood handing out booklets about hygiene?


Can Charlie Wakley get an ack, people?



Head out to Flag for OT 7 at this point? Sure, why the hell not. It’s not like anyone in either LA or Clearwater is doing anything about it.


Whew, thank goodness the pandemic didn’t stop the delivery of OT 2, which allowed this woman to remove trillion-year-old mental time bombs implanted by ancient psychiatrists from the Planet Farsec (and at about $5,250).


The real enemy is the reactive mind!


Having a tough time coping during the pandemic? Scientology’s “expert ministers” can help you with that!




Source Code

“Now, if you were to duplicate teeth on a preclear, you just say, ‘All right. Now, let’s duplicate teeth.’ And he starts duplicating teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, till he gets lots of teeth, lots of teeth, lots of teeth. First thing you know out of this big pile of teeth which he’s gotten out there, he’ll start to get the emotion ‘Whee! Let’s all be teeth. Let’s fill the whole universe up full of teeth. Everything’s got to be teeth.’ Well, of course this is the central motive as far as teeth are concerned. Everything must duplicate teeth. Any object has this as an obsession. It must be duplicated. If it goes downhill it gets down to a point, finally, where, of course, it must not be duplicated, which is it must hide, withdraw, get very small, be hard, compact.” — L. Ron Hubbard, April 2, 1954


Overheard in the FreeZone

“PCs don’t return to auditors if the results are poor. So the Freezone is sort of self-qualifying. Auditors that are still in practice have to be good auditors. There are many auditors to choose from who have held their space. It could be compared to a free market, people go out of business when they sell faulty products.”


Random Howdy

“Why would Scientologists feel love for each other? According to Hubbard they are just random thetans occupying random meat bodies. Your children aren’t really ‘your’ children. That’s one of the reasons it seems so easy for some Scientologists to disconnect. Your relatives are merely other pod people.”



Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Jay Spina: Sentencing set for April 3 in White Plains
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members: Trial set for April 14 in Los Angeles

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Waiting for an appellate decision from the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Hearing on motion for reconsideration set for June 17
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology: April 22 (plaintiff attorneys pro hac vice), June (demurrers by Masterson and Scientology), June (motions to compel arbitration)
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe’s attorneys have asked for discovery, depositions (Warren McShane, Lynn Farny), April 20 hearing set (motion to compel arbitration)
Matt and Kathy Feschbach bankruptcy appeal: Oral arguments were heard on March 11 in Jacksonville
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Amended complaint filed.


Start making your plans…

Head over to the convention website and meet us in St. Louis!


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Jenna Elfman, Giovanni Ribisi, and Greta Van Susteren]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] Thetans in the Jungle: Scientology in Papua New Guinea’s Highlands
[TWO years ago] Mike Rinder: Scientology is ‘disappearing at a consistent unchanging unwavering rate’
[THREE years ago] Scientology for your plants? In the grand tradition of L. Ron Hubbard, yes!
[FOUR years ago] Scientology’s demonology: Where L. Ron Hubbard got the idea for your space cooties
[FIVE years ago] Robert Vaughn Young on L. Ron Hubbard’s final days — another ‘Secret Lives’ video outtake
[SIX years ago] Florida attorney Ken Dandar hit with $1 million penalty for taking on Scientology
[SEVEN years ago] Why Isn’t Scientology More Open About Its Space Opera Beliefs? It’s the Best Part!
[TEN years ago] Anderson Cooper’s Epic Scientology Smackdown, Part 4


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,895 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,399 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,919 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 939 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 830 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,137 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,005 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,779 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,553 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,899 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,465 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,384 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,552 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,133 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,394 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,432 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,145 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,670 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,200 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,760 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,900 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,220 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,075 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,195 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,550 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,853 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,959 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,361 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,233 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,816 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,311 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,565 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,674 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on April 2, 2020 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2019 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2019), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 14 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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