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All about Eve: Serpentine trickery in the garden leads to fall fashion

Australian fires. African locusts. Worldwide plague. Do we live in Biblical times or what? If the world really is ending, we thought it was time to prepare properly for Armageddon. By, you know, reading the damn thing. The Bible, that is. (Go back to the beginning here.)

Last time, Adam had a garden to play in, a companion to play with, and a prohibition about a certain tree…

Genesis 3 King James Version (KJV)


3 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. 4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. 6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. 7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

Genesis 3 New International Version (NIV)

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” 4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

If this serpent was more “subtil” or “crafty” than other creatures, whose fault was that, hm? But sure, this paradise includes a talking snake that spends its time not searching for small rodents to eat but plotting to become the frenemy of Mrs. Spare Rib in order to use some reverse psychology on her.

This book has become awfully silly in a very short amount of time, hasn’t it? But OK, let’s go with it. A talking snake offering godlike wisdom, and Eve falls for it and gets Adam to take a bite as well. You know the result, a culture that sees women ever after as conniving temptresses who got us into the mess we find ourselves in. What fun it’s been carting around that luggage for the past couple of millennia.

And the immediate result was that we feel shame about our naked bodies, and the fig leaf becomes the original article of clothing. But this story also tells us that what we lost was a more perfect state where we lie around naked all day. Does that suggest that nudist colonies more godly? This is confusing.

Speaking of clothing, now that you can’t leave the house all day, are you wearing any, or have you reverted to Adamic freedom?


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Posted by Tony Ortega on April 2, 2020 at 12:00


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