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This is Scientology’s plan for bringing good ‘hygiene’ to your door

In our ongoing coverage of Scientology’s response to the coronavirus pandemic, we’re seeing more evidence that reality is finally setting in, Scientologists are staying home, and some of the orgs are encouraging members to enroll in extension courses while in isolation.

Scientology’s media division, Scientology Media Productions, has put out the call to Scientologists stuck at home to send in testimonials about how they are keeping up with their reading of Hubbard materials. (In this example, a dutiful Charley Wakley hits the books after having to stay home from the London Org)…



But even with the new restrictions and many Scientologists stuck at home, that doesn’t mean the church has to give up on its usual schemes and plots. Later today, for example, a web presentation will let isolating members in on a “hidden plan for UK schools,” according to this flier forwarded by John Alex Wood…


But even with reality setting in, we’re still seeing evidence that Scientologists either don’t understand or choose to ignore pandemic protocols, like the auditors who say they’ll come over to your home to have you grab the cans…


Or the Florida volunteers at the top of the page who, without any protective gear at all, are gathered in a group to prepare “hygiene kits” that will be distributed to “non-profit organizations, churches and shelters in the local area.”

So please, beware Scientologists bearing gifts in your neighborhood. They should go home and pick up a Hubbard book, video themselves doing it, and send it in to SMP. At least then they might spare the rest of us their germs.


Doug E. Fresh provides the soundtrack to the apocalypse


Yesterday we told you that Scientologists are pointing to a 1973 “Ron’s Journal” written by founder L. Ron Hubbard for inspiration during the coronavirus pandemic. In it, Hubbard pointed to the energy crisis going on at the time and said that while the rest of the world was melting down, Scientology was actually in a position to thrive and expand.

“WE are going UP while the world is coming down!” Hubbard wrote.

Marc Headley pointed out to us that in 2001, in the “Joy of Creating” album, rapper Doug E. Fresh has a track by that same name! (Well, very close: “We’re going up while the world goes down.”)

Thank you, Marc. And here, please enjoy the official Scientology soundtrack as the world faces apocalypse…



Ask a Scientologist!

Here’s a question that came in to, and we thought Geoff Levin might be the best person to answer it. If you have a question for one of our many experts, please send it in!

The 1998 episode of The Simpsons about a cult called the ‘Movementarians’ (titled ‘The Joy of Sect’) is obviously a parody of Scientology, complete with a trillion-year contract and orientation film. What astonishes me is that Nancy Cartwright voiced Bart as always, and her dialogue even referred to brainwashing and cults. How could Cartwright not realize what the episode was mocking?

In 1998 scientology had cachet in Hollywood and the Simpsons was getting great ratings. No way Nancy was going to walk away from six figures per episode. I did know her to some degree at that time and I was in the president’s office quite a bit. I always felt she had no real confront for anything that might be controversial. She was treated like royalty and didn’t want to change that. And Scientology was vigilant for misbehavior at that time. I got lambasted for promoting Steve Martin’s film ‘Bowfinger’ (which also parodied Scientology) because I had a song in the movie. They tried to put pressure on Steve to change his script. And Tommy Davis put pressure on me to stop sending out promotion on the film. What an asshole. As for Nancy, animation takes quite a while to complete. So she may have walked into the studio, read her lines and walked out without a finished copy of the script or an understanding of the complete story. And if she had refused to do her part she would have been fired. I know David Mirkin, the executive producer of the show, and he would have been furious. So I think she did not want to make waves. And the president’s office most likely decided to not make any noise about it. Most Scientologists did not even know the show aired. If they did it would have been “entheta” to talk about it. It would have been really terrible PR for the organization. So Nancy walked away unscathed. And I’m guessing if she did get any flack from OSA, she made up for it with some mighty big donations.

— Geoff Levin



Source Code

“It’s an interesting thing that there exists on Earth a cult which believes a hundred percent that it has the only god there is in this universe. And this is quite an interesting thing. See, this is terribly interesting. Anybody who says he has a total monopoly on all there is of something, which you can’t weigh, see or measure, is suspect. Christianity’s gain in the world and its departure from its own announced principles were in the main in the direction of control…It is not even a major group today in European and American spheres of influence. It keeps telling you that it is, but it isn’t. The majority of the white races today are not members of the Christian church. And there are about ten times as many Buddhists. Oh I don’t know, two hundred times as many Buddhists or something. Rather overwhelmingly big. But that was an effort to control. And an interesting effort to control, because when it failed in its own basic tenets it then departed from its basics. And our quarrel with it is, that in practice it isn’t what it says it is. That’s our only quarrel with it. It is something that tries to appear one way when it is something else.” — L. Ron Hubbard, March 28, 1957


Overheard in the FreeZone

“The many communications regarding Scientology on electronic media that rely on reporting the effects of ‘bad tech/policy’ practiced upon others as their only source of discussion upon Scientology or Dianetics is counterproductive in my opinion, and eventually follows the same path as suppression and insanity, a constant willingness and desire to destroy. Justice has been sadly lacking in application within the Scientology organisation and always has been since LRH disappeared and even he was subject to the extent it was lacking. The ethics guidelines in KSW1 fell on death ears for the most part. The exposing of the abuses and alterations and by whom must continue concerning Scientology, but there is another side which remains mostly hidden or open to instant ridicule upon social media and that is the positives of applying the correct technology. Never has there been truer words than, ‘make the tech your own.'”


Random Howdy

“I laugh when Scientologists state that Scientology has nothing to do with faith or belief, and that it doesn’t involve a belief in the supernatural or paranormal. Yeah, spirits, reincarnation, telekinesis, astral projection, demons (body thetans) have nothing to do with anything like that!”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Jay Spina: Sentencing set for April 3 in White Plains
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members: Trial set for April 14 in Los Angeles

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Waiting for an appellate decision from the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Hearing on motion for reconsideration set for June 17
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology: April 22 (plaintiff attorneys pro hac vice), June (demurrers by Masterson and Scientology), June (motions to compel arbitration)
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe’s attorneys have asked for discovery, depositions (Warren McShane, Lynn Farny), April 20 hearing set (motion to compel arbitration)
Matt and Kathy Feschbach bankruptcy appeal: Oral arguments were heard on March 11 in Jacksonville
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Amended complaint filed.


Start making your plans…

Head over to the convention website and meet us in St. Louis!


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Erika Christensen, Ethan Suplee, and Juliette Lewis]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] Scientology’s Narconon drug rehab expansion plans DENIED in Maryland and Michigan
[TWO years ago] Scientology TV was launched with a massive ad campaign — is it working?
[THREE years ago] Lawrence Wright goes to Nazareth; or, how Reza Aslan drove us into the arms of L. Ron Hubbard
[FOUR years ago] Scientology at Comic Con: An attempt at a minor intervention, as told by Phil Jones
[FIVE years ago] On the eve of ‘Going Clear’, Leah Remini says she’s grateful to the people behind it
[SIX years ago] Ted Babbitt’s gambit: Recasting the Garcia federal fraud lawsuit against Scientology
[SEVEN years ago] In Dianetics, the Uterus is a Frightening Place — ALSO: Nation of Islam Boosting Involvement?


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,890 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,394 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,914 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 934 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 825 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,132 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,000 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,774 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,548 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,894 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,460 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,379 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,547 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,128 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,389 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,427 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,140 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,665 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,192 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,755 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,895 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,215 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,070 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,190 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,545 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,848 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,954 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,356 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,228 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,811 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,306 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,560 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,669 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on March 28, 2020 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2019 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2019), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 14 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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