The most ideal part of Scientology’s new Ideal Orgs? They’re ready for Ron’s return!

 
Now that the dust has settled on David Miscavige’s whirlwind tour that had him opening three Scientology ‘Ideal Orgs’ in only nine days, in Austin, Mexico City, and Chicago, we thought we’d spend a moment to focus not so much on his grand opening parties outside these new buildings as on what’s inside.

Each of these gleaming new cathedrals have the usual set of auditing rooms, chapels, cafes and the other standard set of amenities unique to a Scientology shrine to purification and auditing.

But what we have always found really remarkable about these expensive projects, which cost something like $25 million each according to former church executives, is that each of them comes with an office set aside for the founder, L. Ron Hubbard, who left this plane of existence way back in 1986.

Yes, Ron has been dead for more than 38 years now, but no Ideal Org is complete without an office dedicated to his use, just in case, we suppose, he were to suddenly show up after doing some laps around the Van Allen Belt on his way back from Target Two (the place in the galaxy where he’s supposed to be spreading Scientology to next).

And of course, this being Scientology, they couldn’t help putting out press releases about each of the new Ideal Orgs without including photos of their precious altars to the Great Thetan, and we thought you’d like to see them.

And hey, rating rooms is all the rage now, right? You tell us: Which of these is Ron likely to find most to his liking?

Here’s Ron’s office in Austin…

Feels a bit cramped, doesn’t it? And that wall art seems awfully generic. Wouldn’t it feel more homey to Ron if it had some photos of the Apollo and Mary Sue or something?

Here’s Ron’s office in Mexico City…

Now this not only feels a bit more spacious, but the choice of art objects and other decorations feels a bit more interesting, doesn’t it?

And here’s Ron’s office in Chicago…

We like that desk. And is that a little figurine of Michael Jordan? Was Ron a basketball fan?

What do you think, does Dave slip in here after hours to throw down a tumbler of Macallan’s and put his feet up on Ron’s desk, just to lord it over him?

OK, your turn. Give us your thoughts on Ron’s new places!

And we can hardly wait to see what Ron’s office will look like in the fourth of the new Ideal Orgs that were scheduled to open, the one in Paris that Dave said would be going first.

When is Paris opening up?

Well, Dave certainly has a lot of incentive to get it done this next weekend, assuming that he wants to show video of all four openings at the L. Ron Hubbard birthday event.

Ron’s birthday is March 13, and we’re assuming that the birthday event in Clearwater, Florida is likely to fall this year on the following Saturday, which would be March 16.

Can Dave pull it off and have all four orgs open in time for Ron’s birthday bash?

 
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Technology Cocktail

“The tech you are handling is capable of giving spectacular gains at every level. If it does not then the case has missed somewhere, comes under 7 resistive cases or out ruds or one or more missed or overrun levels.” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1969

 
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THE PROSECUTION OF DANNY MASTERSON

We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.

 
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THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— The first Danny Masterson trial and beyond

[18] Trial special with Chris Shelton [19] Trial week one [20] Marc Headley on the spy in the hallway [21] Trial week two [22] Trial week three [23] Trial week four [24] Leah Remini on LAPD Corruption [25] Mike Rinder 2022 Thanksgiving Special [26] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part One [27] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part Two [28] Claire Headley on the trial [29] Tory Christman [30] Bruce Hines on spying [31] Karen de la Carriere [32] Ron Miscavige on Shelly Miscavige [33] Karen de la Carriere on the L’s [34] Mark Bunker on Miscavige hiding [35] Mark Plummer [36] Mark Ebner [37] Karen Pressley [38] Steve Cannane [39] Fredrick Brennan [40] Clarissa Adams [41] Louise Shekter [42] John Sweeney [43] Tory Christman [44] Kate Bornstein [45] Christian Stolte [46] Mark Bunker [47] Jon Atack [48] Luke Y. Thompson [49] Mark Ebner [50] Bruce Hines [51] Spanky Taylor and Karen Pressley [51] Geoff and Robbie Levin [52] Sands Hall [53] Jonny Jacobsen [54] Sandy Holeman

 
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Source Code

“There’s a population explosion going on and I wish to Christ somebody would inform me how men are far scarcer in l972 than I ever found them in 325 B.C. How could they expend them back then? I remember around the turn of the millennia and so on, there were just mobs unemployed. Well, right now they keep them all that way with relief and dough and this and that and the other thing, and they’ve got some workable scheme or another. One of the silly ones which you hear, we did a survey, we did a survey on people, what they liked and so on, just a general survey in the Scandinavian area, and we found what they liked best was welfare and what they hated most was taxes. Oh, brother. Outpoint to end all outpoints.” — L. Ron Hubbard, March 5, 1972

 
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Avast, Ye Mateys

“INCOME: As Income at Flag in actual money not just credit is creeping steadily up, I think we should get alert to fully establishing org form and appearances of all three orgs especially the FSO. A mission just concluded shows the FSO in need of improvement in form and appearance, both of ship and FSO members. The basic and reasonable recommendation is that an LRH Comm FSO be appointed so that LRH orders and projects will get compliance by the senior officers as these orders and projects have built what was there. With rising Flag income potential, real meaning is given to this recommendation.” — The Commodore, March 5, 1971

 
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Overheard in the FreeZone

“We are still in kindergarten. The US government doesn’t believe in theta traps and we have no OTs so far. It is a work in progress. The ‘Free Being’ OTs of the 50s all collapsed within months without any aid from the US government. LRH observed that instant OTs collapsed rapidly and thus the decision to educate. It is a far longer path than he envisioned and it was only near the end of his life that he realized that it was much longer and even then he underestimated the work involved.”

 
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Past is Prologue

1997: Boulder Weekly published an article about Stephen Keller, a father who was forced to turn over his daughter to the Scientology mission by police.
“Cuffed and sitting in the front seat of a police car, but not under arrest, Keller explained to the cops his fears about the Church of Scientology and his belief that he would never see his daughter again. Amanda is the 15-year-old pawn in a brewing custody battle between Keller and his ex-wife Suzanne, a high-ranking Scientologist. Keller says he has already lost his son Ben to the church. And he says the thought of losing his only daughter is too much to bear. Currently Suzanne Keller, who lives in a Scientology compound in Clearwater, Fla., has custody. A court hearing in Boulder County District Court in early April will determine sole custody. Officers contend that Keller violated a custody order by keeping his daughter in Colorado two days later than the court order mandated, and that they were only doing their job. And, they say, Suzanne Keller gave her permission to the sheriff’s department to turn her daughter over to Boulder Dianetics Foundation executive secretary Susan Anderson – the same woman Keller had run off his property earlier that day. Before being turned over to Anderson, Amanda and Steve Keller had spent three weeks together trying to dance around a Church of Scientology plan to marry Amanda off to a 23-year-old Chilean man to thwart her father’s bid for custody. It was not, Keller says, a merry Christmas. Boulder attorney Michael Morphew, who is representing Keller in the custody action, says he has seen the effects of Scientology on teenagers. ‘The types of developmental issues (teens) face and how they learn to go about becoming an adult. And the challenges and the things you need to be faced with as a teenager isn’t going to happen in a Scientology commune.'”

 
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Random Howdy

“Seeing as how Scientology is the only ‘religion’ that doesn’t have theologians, there’s no worry about theological inconsistency. As far as plot-holes in the story go, the one thing that keeps them in is this steadfast assertion that they have observed auditing and the rest of the tech to actually work. If they can’t get past this and realize they have been tricking themselves, then at best they’ll be indies/FZ for the rest of their lives.”

 
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Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
— Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Found guilty on two counts on May 31, remanded to custody. Sentenced to 30 years to life on Sep 7.
— ‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Next pretrial hearing March 26, 2024.
— David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud.

Civil litigation:
— Leah Remini v. Scientology, alleging ‘Fair Game’ harassment and defamation: Complaint filed August 2, motion to strike/anti-SLAPP motions by Scientology to be heard January 9, 2024.
— Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Forced to arbitration. Plaintiffs allowed interlocutory appeal to Eleventh Circuit.
— Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’
— Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: motion to file new complaint, hearing on March 20.
— Jane Doe 1 v. Scientology, David Miscavige, and Gavin Potter: Case unsealed and second amended complaint filed. Scientology moves for religious arbitration, hearing on March 26.
— Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Ordered to mediation.

 
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SCIENTOLOGY: FAIR GAME

After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.

LEAH REMINI: SCIENTOLOGY AND THE AFTERMATH

An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.

SCIENTOLOGY’S CELEBRITIES, from A to Z

Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

 
Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?

 
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THE WHOLE TRACK

[ONE year ago] Remembering Dan Sherman, Scientology’s bad biographer and worse speechwriter
[TWO years ago] Scientology is trying extra hard to get you to fork over more money, you pesky thetan!
[THREE years ago] Danny Masterson: They called me an ‘agent’ of Scientology, so I get to sit in on arbitration
[FOUR years ago] Naturally, shady Scientology operators are drawn to the gold rush of stem cell therapy
[FIVE years ago] What’s creepier than a Scientology street fair? Apparently, not much.
[SIX years ago] Scientology turning to focus groups in anticipation of its TV ‘network’ premiering
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology’s Narconon rehabs haven’t changed in the least, even after dozens of lawsuits
[EIGHT years ago] Outfront Media rescinds contract for Scientology ‘disconnection’ billboard in Hollywood
[NINE years ago] ‘Will Smith is not a Scientologist’ — we elaborate on our quote the press went wild for yesterday
[TEN years ago] Larry Anderson: Scientology’s pitchman becomes a Bunker regular
[ELEVEN years ago] Today, You Begin Your Training as a Scientologist

 
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Posted by Tony Ortega on March 5, 2024 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2022 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2022), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele

 

Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast

 

Tony Ortega at Rolling Stone