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When Scientology’s founder admitted he didn’t write the most famous line in ‘Dianetics’

[Hubbard, in 1950]

TODAY AT SUBSTACK: If you’ve signed up for free emails at Substack, you will receive today’s feature story at your inbox: They’re the most famous — and most ludicrous — words in L. Ron Hubbard’s book Dianetics, the volume that started the Scientology movement. But did you know he admitted not writing them? Let us take you back to those heady days in 1950 when Ron was on the hot seat, pilgrim. [What is this Substack thing, anyway?]


Technology Cocktail

“In a marriage, if the husband were to place the wife on an E-Meter and ask the question ‘Consider committing overts against me’ and find a wide Rock Slam immediately results, he will be then in total possession of what has been wrong with his marriage. Similarly, a wife finding this manifestation on a husband would also be informed.” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1962




We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.


THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— The first Danny Masterson trial and beyond

[18] Trial special with Chris Shelton [19] Trial week one [20] Marc Headley on the spy in the hallway [21] Trial week two [22] Trial week three [23] Trial week four [24] Leah Remini on LAPD Corruption [25] Mike Rinder 2022 Thanksgiving Special [26] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part One [27] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part Two [28] Claire Headley on the trial [29] Tory Christman [30] Bruce Hines on spying [31] Karen de la Carriere [32] Ron Miscavige on Shelly Miscavige [33] Karen de la Carriere on the L’s [34] Mark Bunker on Miscavige hiding [35] Mark Plummer [36] Mark Ebner [37] Karen Pressley [38] Steve Cannane [39] Fredrick Brennan [40] Clarissa Adams [41] Louise Shekter [42] John Sweeney [43] Tory Christman [44] Kate Bornstein [45] Christian Stolte [46] Mark Bunker [47] Jon Atack [48] Luke Y. Thompson [49] Mark Ebner [50] Bruce Hines [51] Spanky Taylor and Karen Pressley [51] Geoff and Robbie Levin [52] Sands Hall [53] Jonny Jacobsen [54] Sandy Holeman



Source Code

“Why do people get so upset with a toothache, and why do they have this big nerve? The reason is that this happened again and again and again, and every time this happened, the theta facsimile would be used for new design. The things that appeared around the lips of these shells evidently appeared on the top side first, because there was more shelter, and then they appeared on the bottom lip. Every time these things would get disrupted they would say, ‘Next time we have got to have a tougher outer skin!’ And the next time they would make one, but in the meantime they got this sand — engram after engram after engram. Somewhere along the line you occasionally find a worm boring in there. Dentists are actually in the valence of these worms!” — L. Ron Hubbard, October 15, 1951


Avast, Ye Mateys

“SAILING: Evidently we sail at about 1500. Glass is up again.” — The Commodore, October 15, 1970


Overheard in the FreeZone

“I cared for my father in the last few years of his life in that body. The next day, he left the body. As I stood next to his bedside holding his hand, he let out the last breath. The nurses and doctor left. I was there alone with him and was aware of his presence, just outside of his body, dreaming as he was in his sleep moments before the body died. I communicated with him and let him know the body was finished. ‘Oh you and your Scientology’ he scoffed, communicating telepathically, but as clear as if he was using the body’s voice.”


Past is Prologue

2001: The St. Petersburg Times reported on October 12th that a community group is asking that a street be renamed in honor of former Clearwater mayor Gabe Cazares. “‘We’ve had this in mind for some time, and we feel it’s time,’ said Edward Quinones, the chairman of Uno Federation Community Services, a non-profit group based in Clearwater. ‘We think it’s fairly obvious in this area, with such a large Hispanic population, that this would be appropriate.’ Uno’s board suggested that former Clearwater Mayor and County Commissioner Gabe Cazares, a Mexican-American, would be a good person to name a road after. Uno’s board also proposed that a major road such as Gulf-to-Bay Boulevard be considered. Generally, the city does not name things after people who are still living, Horne said. Cazares is very much alive at 81. Another problem is that the city avoids changing names of major roads that are controlled by the state or county, Horne said. Cazares said he was flattered that anyone would want to name a road after him. Cazares was mayor of Clearwater from 1975 to 1980 and later served one term on the County Commission. But he predicted that naming a street for him would draw opposition from the Church of Scientology, who aggressively targeted Cazares with a nasty smear campaign in the 1970s to

silence his criticism of the church. ‘I would count on them opposing it 100 percent,’ Cazares said. ‘I haven’t counted on any memorialization yet,’ Cazares said. ‘I’m still a young man of 81 years of age. Normally, you shouldn’t name a street or building or anything after a living person. But I do appreciate the thoughts of those who are recommending it.’ Cazares said he wouldn’t mind if people considered memorializing him in a few years.”


Random Howdy

“Scientology may be circling the drain but there’s no shortage of crazy waiting in the wings. It’s going to be a long uphill battle to get to the top and stop the billions of minds waiting in line to go down that slippery slope called ‘magical thinking’.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Found guilty on two counts on May 31, remanded to custody. Sentencing on Sep 7.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Trial scheduled for August 15.
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud.

Civil litigation:
Leah Remini v. Scientology, alleging ‘Fair Game’ harassment and defamation: Complaint filed August 2, first hearing set for Dec 4.
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Forced to arbitration. Plaintiffs allowed interlocutory appeal to Eleventh Circuit.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place at least through sentencing of Masterson on Sep 7. Next hearing set for Sept 26.
Jane Doe 1 v. Scientology, David Miscavige, and Gavin Potter: Case unsealed and second amended complaint filed. Next hearing Nov 6.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Ordered to mediation.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Scientology’s deposed queen: What it was like to ‘audit’ Mary Sue Hubbard in exile
[TWO years ago] Our story about Scientology front group in Broward Schools kicks up a fuss
[THREE years ago] Scientology rehab: A new Narconon horror story that will remind you of all the others
[FOUR years ago] Xenu-giving: We check the crowd at Scientology’s biggest org on a day of thanks
[FIVE years ago] US Sheriffs, dead or alive — Scientology is happy to use them for self-promotion
[SIX years ago] David Miscavige is gambling on Birmingham for Scientology success, and who knows why
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology’s latest drama in Russia: The mystery woman who infiltrated an org
[EIGHT years ago] Louis Theroux’s ‘My Scientology Movie’: A hilarious take on an unfunny bunch
[NINE years ago] A perplexing tale about Bob Duggan, the richest Scientologist in the world
[TEN years ago] Chicago’s On Fire: Jason Beghe and Christian Stolte Send Their Regards to the Bunker
[TWELVE years ago] Scientology Effervescence: Commenters of the Week!


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 3,183 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,698 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 3,248 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 2,238 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 2,119 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,423 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 3,294 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,399 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,846 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 4,188 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,754 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,673 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,840 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,422 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,683 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,719 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,435 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,999 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,314 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,489 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 7,040 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 4,171 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,509 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,364 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,483 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,839 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 7,142 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 3,248 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,646 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,522 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 3,087 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,600 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,854 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,963 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on October 15, 2023 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2022 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2022), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


Tony Ortega at Rolling Stone


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