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Danny Masterson turns 41 today, and we have a gift from his cast and crew at ‘The Ranch’

[Danny Masterson and Sam Elliott in a scene from The Ranch, season one]

Today happens not only to be Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s 106th birthday, it’s also a big day for Scientologist and That ’70s Show actor Danny Masterson, who turns 41 today and we didn’t want to miss the occasion.

You may already know that the Underground Bunker broke the news on March 3 that Masterson is being investigated by the Los Angeles Police Department in three cases of rape or sodomy of women who were also members of the Church of Scientology. We want to stress that Masterson has not been charged with a crime, and he put out a statement denying any wrongdoing. Meanwhile, in a Feb. 22 letter to LAPD Chief Charlie Beck, the person we’re calling Victim A complained that the investigation has been plagued with mistakes and inaction caused, she believes, by the LAPD’s relationship with the Church of Scientology.

That first story, on March 3, included details about Victim A’s case that she spelled out in her letter to Chief Beck. On March 8, we told the story of the woman we’re calling Victim C. And on Saturday, we learned the grim details of what the Church of Scientology put Victim B through after she came forward with her allegations of being raped.

Currently, Masterson and his friend Ashton Kutcher are filming the second season of their Netflix comedy series, The Ranch, and on Friday, the cast and crew were on Stage 19 at Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank to shoot a couple of scenes for an upcoming episode.

A person who was on the set that day let us know that Masterson’s approaching milestone was noted, and the assembled crowd sang him a round of “Happy Birthday” during a break in filming. But our source tells us that the feeling on the set was pretty tense as our stories were being talked about when Masterson was out of earshot.

Oh, and here’s an odd detail we didn’t know. Kutcher’s stand-in on the show is Travis Case — yes, the actor Scientology “twinned” with Cathriona White to get through the Purif and Survival Rundown courses before, in September 2015, the young actress who had been dating Jim Carrey killed herself with drugs she had stolen from Carrey’s apartment.

Anyway, our source said the atmosphere on Friday was not only a little bizarre because of the birthday, but also because Masterson had dialogue that was typically filled with sexual innuendo, which is par for The Ranch, a sitcom which the viewers of Netflix have rated at only one and a half stars, although Esquire called it “surprisingly entertaining and fun.”

Our source supplied us with a few pages from the day’s shooting script, in which Masterson’s character, Rooster, flirts with “Jen.”

Says our source: “There was another scene that he was in with the same actress, and the lines are about going back to her place to hook up. She had to kiss him at the end and it was extremely uncomfortable to watch.”

We’ll let our readers take a look at the script pages and tell us for themselves if this is comedy gold or not. We will say that we can see why crew members who have been reading our stories might have winced.

 



 
Miss September of the Colorado Avalanche “ice girls.” What a classic.

(Meanwhile, as Masterson celebrates a birthday, we’ll remind the LAPD that Scientology will still have on file at the Celebrity Centre a trove of information about him, as well as the ethics files of Victim B, if not others.)

Many happy returns of the day, Mr. Hubbard.

 
——————–

Bonus items from our tipsters

Miami, are you excited that your Ideal Org is nearing completion?

 

 
Scenes from the Birthday event Patrons Ball in Clearwater this weekend, featuring Jim Mathers and Ruddy Rodriguez!

 





 
——————–

 
HowdyCon 2017: Denver, June 23-25. Go here to start making your plans.

 
——————–

Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 4,689 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 1,792 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,286 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,326 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy in 1,038 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 505 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 4,623 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 1,793 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,113 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,088 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 444 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin in 4,746 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 853 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis for 1,255 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,128 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 709 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike in 1,214 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,458 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 12,567 days.

 
——————–

3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on March 13, 2017 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information about the book, and our 2015 book tour, can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2016 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2016), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | Scientology boasts about assistance from Google | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…
Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield

 

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  • nottrue
    • “The delay gives the church 30 extra days to lobby city and aquarium officials about the property that Miscavige has told City Manager Bill Horne is crucial to Scientology’s interests.”

      And by ‘lobby’ do they mean ‘pressure’?

      • Harpoona Frittata

        Or, more in line with scientology consistent M.O., 30 extra days to bribe, threaten and blackmail!

        Fortunately, the cult’s underhanded efforts to cut individual council members out from the herd for some, erm, special treatment by the punching pontiff have not gone unnoticed (yay TBT!), so that’s also 30 more days to dig into city manager Horne’s demonstrated willingness to carry water for the cult.

        Check out Mike’s blog post today for more details and a concise historical overview of this killer cult’s malign and devious doings in Clearwater http://www.mikerindersblog.org/author/mikerinder/

      • pluvo

        Scientology spokesman Ben Shaw said the church wants the land, adjacent to the church’s 13-story Oak Cove religious retreat and across the street from its Fort Harrison Hotel “to provide additional accommodations for our parishioners.”

        The membership of the CoS is steadily shrinking. They don’t need “additional accommodations”.

        Which of the Hubbard’s Intelligence/PR policies is it: “tell an acceptable truth” or “TR-L”, Ben Shaw? I bet on TR-L.

        Handling truth is a touchy business also. You don’t have to tell everything you know — that would jam the comm line too. Tell an acceptable truth. … So PR becomes the technique of communicating an acceptable truth — and which will attain the desirable result.

        TR-L (TR Lying)

        Purpose: To train the student to give a false statement with good TR-1.To train the student to outflow false data effectively. … The student should be coached on a gradient until he/she can lie facilely.

        (bold is mine)

    • Thanks for the update.

  • chukicita
    • Sherbet

      The only parts that are recognizable are the flower petals and the sword.

      • Observer

        SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE

        • Newiga

          Still have traumas from that little revelation… T_T

    • Gus_Cox

      Eye of Xenu. That’s fucking funny! I have to make up a cocktail called the Eye of Xenu.

      Eye of Xenu – drink one and you’ll never wake up!

      • chukicita

        Probably what Masterson had in that wine glass…

  • Tony Ortega

    Early warning: On KABC radio at 6:25 pm eastern to talk about Masterson and also LMP.

    • Jimmy3

      Do they take callers?

      • flyonthewall

        your mom takes callers. Gentleman callers

        • Jimmy3

          Not sure what you mean, but if they are gentlemen it can’t be bad right

          • flyonthewall

            no it’s good

        • Observer

          You angling for a writing job on The Ranch?

          • flyonthewall

            i already have a job, J&Ding on the bunker

            • Newiga

              I thought you just do what flies do… Umm… Buzz around? Lay eggs on people’s food. 😛

            • flyonthewall

              plastic lego flies neither poop nor lay eggs and you know this

            • Newiga

              Stay off my caek!

            • flyonthewall

              i didnt want your lousy caek anyway!

            • Jimmy3

              I always leave a bottle of wine open for him.

            • Newiga

              No wonder he buzzes like he’s on a rollercoaster…

            • Observer

              That line was too sophisticated for that show anyway.

            • Jimmy3

              You have to read the script while imagining being smacked in the face by the laugh track over and over and over and over and over

            • Observer

              When I saw “being smacked in the face by” I didn’t think it was going to be “the laugh track.” 😮

            • flyonthewall

              it just needed an “Oh shit!” at the beginning and it would of been in like Flynn

            • Frodis73

              *snort*

    • Ella Raitch

      Hey Tony, when do we get to see a ‘Prof Kelly’ skype incident from the Bunker?

  • Rasha

    Odd. After seeing those pics, I’m suddenly hungry for fudge brownie corpses in barbecue sauce with dried cranberries. Anyone else gettin’ that? Just me?

    • flyonthewall

      maybe you have a steamed bun in the oven?

      • Rasha

        *checks* Nope. Pepperoni bread.

    • Elegant Mess

      Oh, I took it to be meat blocks, “Very well done”. But brownie corpses in BBQ sauce? Sign me up!

      • Rasha

        “Very well done” *snurk*

    • 5 Feet Long and Luminous

      Mmm, hang on, let me ponder this for a second…nope, just you, Rashie.

      • Rasha

        *whew* I was worried for you guys, there. Stay safe.

  • nottrue
    • Jimmy3

      Is there someone that pushes the crate around as he’s doing standup?

    • Graham

      He’s lovin’ it. The crowds, the adulation, the overblown laughter, the standing ovations. There inside the Ruth Eckert Hall he’s Monarch of all he surveys, King inside his very own bubble.

      • And he’s not laughing with them. He’s laughing at them.

      • But the bubble is getting steadily smaller, and he’s doing nothing about it.

    • Rasha

      …even forced-perspective can’t make him look like a Big Being®…

    • He’s doing that thing I do at an event: Point and wave at an imaginary person in the distance.

    • Sherbet

      He’s pretending he’s vintage Jerry Seinfeld. “What is the deal with these suppressive persons?”

    • Baby

      Danke Schoën darlings Danke Schoën…

    • ombrifuge

      Looks like he’s pretending to be holding a pistol.

  • HARPURSVILLE, N.Y. — April the giraffe continues to progress toward giving birth to a fourth calf, park officials say. The live stream from Animal Adventure Park has been going for more than two weeks with April still not giving birth to the calf.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHNOlOststI

    • Jimmy3

      Maybe she hasn’t given birth because there’s a live stream on the Internet. Give her some damn privacy, for fucks sake.

      • Yeah, I can’t go when someone’s watching.

        • Jimmy3

          Now imagine you’re trying to give birth to a giraffe, and I’m staring at you. Can you go?

          • Baby

            OMG.. OK.. I gotta get off.. First it was Obs. and now you.. For some reason both of you are hitting my funny bone enough to hurt my stomach area with the stitches.. Jeeze..xo

          • No fucking way.

      • Ben Franklin

        If animals were obsessed with privacy like human beings, animals would never poop in public and be so casual about it.

  • Ha ha… Chris Shelton really hit the nail with this UT Video… He said something “bad” about Alex Jones and now they are stalking him 🙂
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4akSBi54Eak

    • Ben Franklin

      Man, I have been saying it for quite a while now. Alex Jones has the most vicious, relentless trolls you would ever encounter online. From now on Chris Shelton’s video comments section will be full of Alex Jones trolls no matter what topic he is discussing

    • Gus_Cox

      OMG, they recruit kids with conspiracy vids? LOL! Fuck, that’s like listening to Bruce Wiseman yammer on at a party! I wonder if Bruce believes in Alex Jones’ Reptilians?

      No wonder SO people are so fucked up.

      • Yes! And it’s news to me.. This explains a lot about the SO. More focus on this “The Briefing” would be in order…

  • Panopea Abrupta

    Danny Masterson – putting the raunch in ranch at 41

    Masterson anagrams

    as monster
    Mean sorts
    Ream snots
    names, rots
    mare’s snot
    smear tons
    nears Tom’s
    sates norm
    morass net
    rat’s omens
    nae, mr. toss
    ramen toss

    And Danny Masterson?

    Satan, deny norms

    Here, bro, got you a present. for your birthday:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b0b134fd6b996559c5599ca570b53942fe99c3bb057c46211e836e32c6e9ac47.jpg

    • Jimmy3

      Pow’rfull

    • flyonthewall

      it says “Keep out of reach of children” I assume this includes man children too

    • Jgg2012

      Messy, rat on

  • nottrue

    Welcome to La La Land where girls just want to have fun.. Over 50 thousand subscribers.. . … https://youtu.be/SpLHZ8FduAM

    • my god… lol. real life trolls

    • Free Minds, Free Hearts

      It will be so funny of a bunch of random kids start taking selfie videos in front of the cult buildings – Co$$ is truly just a punch line now.

    • flyonthewall

      buncha weirdos. They need to be normal, like me

      • Sherbet

        At least the scientologists had their mouths shut. These four teens/20somethings are annoying.

        • flyonthewall

          that just how 20something female wogians are. Very strange species

          • Sherbet

            I’ll say. Thank God I had a son and stopped there.

    • ze moo

      Not quite Valley Girls, but they do seem to know a bit about $cientology.

    • Fucking awesome.

  • itsIBBy

    Hey Danny, you know what you get for your birthday in prison? Donkey Punched.

    I know I should take the high road, but just the allegations alone are pissing me off. This fart head thinks he can gallivant around “allegedly” assaulting women, and then Scientology victim blames and he gets to keep “allegedly” assaulting more women.

    I wish there was an internet equivalent to how I feel. I want to throw things, punch walls, punch Masterson if we’re being honest, scream, cry, possibly vomit, and fight. I want to fight for those women and I feel helpless that I cant.

    This kind of shit happened to me, and my abuser ultimately did spend time in jail, only because he assaulted someone else and they were braver than i and pressed charges. Hey LAPD dont you dare silence these women because the diminutive dictator leans on you. they need to be heard, and this needs to be dragged out into the light.

    /ramblerant

    • flyonthewall

      upvote for gallivant

      • itsIBBy

        I was kind of proud of “fart head” tbh

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    Danny Masterson?

    We in RTC checked and found this person did a few introductory courses many years ago at the Sunland Mission. He was never a Scientologist. We wouldn’t let him join our Church as he had ethics problems.

    In happier news, the new double suicide chocolate pancakes at Flag are getting rave reviews from OT’s. Not only do these pancakes make OT’s 47x more sessionable, but they also like the calming infusion of chloral hydrate added into the batter.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/896158e57360a364db79c97865141ed99775038356a5e2c061c4d5abd2ca87ff.png

    • Jimmy3

      Those are the most delicious creepycakes ever! Where do I sign up?

      • J. Swift

        J3, Scientology Creepycakes are only available at Flag and the Celebrity Centre. However, as all of us here are SP’s, we will never ever be allowed to eat Scientology Creepycakes. We are, it seems, doomed to IHOP for all of eternity.

    • 5 Feet Long and Luminous

      They looked delicious till I expanded the view.

    • Newiga

      Sure sounds like a recipe from Donkey Masterson and Blinky Yingling’s collaborative cookbook.

      • J. Swift

        And that cookbook has a recipe for “Danny’s Donkey Punch Rohypnol Hot Tub Daiquiri.”

    • Observer

      He reminds me of the sharks in Finding Nemo, if the sharks had grabby hands.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4d449214206a4da9b07d824af52c7c342dea28153948b0bcb120e0781f6d31c1.jpg

      • MarcabExpat

        It’s uncanny.

    • GrangerFX

      I thought that picture was shooped. I don’t like to make fun of how people look but … damn! He looks like a South Park Canadian flapperhead.

    • Frodis73

      You ruined that beautiful pancake pic with creepy Jim!

    • MarcabExpat

      This picture is unfair. I want the chocolate pancakes, but you’ve gone and got Mathers all over them.

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    If you think it was awkward on the set of The Ranch, just wait until COB’s private meetings with Clearwater city officials tomorrow. When these wog politicos see the blackmail COB has on them they’ll sell that parcel of land to the Church faster than a Flag reg can gouge $100,000 on a Thursday at 1PM from Bob & Trish Duggan.

  • Intergalactic Walrus

    I was looking at some Freedom articles from the early 2000’s and noticed the list of local dignitaries attending – politicians and law enforcement . Eric Garcetti & Xaxier Becerra were prominently featured at more than one Celebrity Centre shindig and it is disturbing to hear them singing the praises of the CO$. Unless they have changed their tunes about the clams, this safe-pointing could pay off big. Garcetti is now the mayor of Los Angeles and Becerra (who is also quoted at an ABLE event) was sworn in as the new Attorney General of California in January. Note Danny Masterson is mentioned as attending – nice timing as this was around the time of his alleged raping spree.
    (refresh)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f866b758f704c3cb16e5c78426ec1d179eba1e1354ad3c3d7003c0da2b90bf63.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/73a1d260c58907b0b911e964f91ee5eba8455326599824231e19646edb26004e.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e4ebb308bb23712eb5a8245c83fcb3621bb94b280606d34f9cbfa82f95267bcd.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ed0518f0e842f7a2be14f8b8686b8380948895197ddc2df5e4c1085307b80765.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/37d91dc57856888f029ffa41a862d5ae8a9ea0f4eb4d3df17ccbab59d6abce1d.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7097f52c33b04a8ed07dad001bfa77e47a796c365c1f86ebfab06d5d3bc00100.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2f0c1d8a716691b8029f17f19ded0b80d5dd2538a695d1f653694f8a2257b975.png

    • Frodis73

      Hmmm…authentic is one of the last words that pop into my head when thinking about Co$.

    • MarcabExpat

      “Jenna Elfman (Dharma and Greg) and her husband, actor Bodhi Elfman…”

      I love that even in CC promo blurbs they can’t think of anything to say that he actually performed in. Literally every other star mentioned has a “what they’re known for” parenth, but this is what Bodhi gets. It would have been no shame to just say, “and her husband, Bodhi Elfman.” But put that unqualified actor in there, and it screams “we got nothin.'”

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    Somebody needs to write up a KR on whoever is doing the food styling for those CoS events.

    (This is my drive by an an otherwise busy day. LOVE YOU ALL!)

    • Silence of the Clams

      Good call. Does every single thing they do have to ooze tackiness?

  • Susan black

    DP Danny and Ashton must be having a great day on set today…NOT.

  • Chee Chalker

    OT but I finally got to watch Louis Theroux’s movie
    And my theory is that Morty is being blackmailed and it involves his family
    (I wrote this theory last week but after viewing the movie, I am convinced it has something to do with the adoption of his son.)
    Whether it be threatening to reveal some of his behavior in the past that would jeopardize the child remaining in the home or messing around with the process itself by bribing someone (adoption counselor, birth parents, grandparents, etc)
    Morty became extremely agitated when the whole ‘foster parent’ issue came up.

    If that is true, it is heartbreaking. I would probably do whatever was asked of me if I were in that position too. There’s a way to win that fight, but who would take that
    chance?
    After I watched the movie, I re-read his ‘review’. He may have some valid points (about what he was ‘promised’ the movie would entail) but so much of what he wrote can be refuted just by watching the movie – one example, it was Morty who told Louis about Jenny at LAX and it was MORTY who posted that video. Morty said in his review that the Co$ never ‘took the bait’ that Louis and the BBC who kept poking the Co$ in the eye.
    His review makes even less sense after watching the movie.

    • Chee Chalker

      ETA: my goodness was Andrew Perez great or what! I hope he gets the break he deserves

      • It’ was good, and the nearest that those of us who have never seen Miscavige in rant mode will ever come to the reality.

        However, I suspect that there is much more to his abusive behaviour than that excellent performance illustrates, and it is only a jumping-off point for our understanding of just how unendurable he must be to ‘work’ with.

    • It’s a theory… but I think one that there is a simpler one is that is more consistent with Rathbun’s personality and behaviour.

      He became agitated when the foster parent issue came up because it provided a distraction from other questions that Louis had been asking. He really is that manipulative. That’s what he does.

      The change in his ‘review’ was down to the fact that he initially thought the film showed him in a good light – then he saw reviews from others and realised that he had underestimated Louis (as so many have done).

      It’s hard to understand the Byzantine operations of the Scientology mindset from the outside and it’s easy to misapply a outsider’s viewpoint and postulate something concrete and accessible like blackmail. Unfortunately the situation is more complicated than that.

      • “… it provided a distraction…”
        Contrived is how someone here put it.
        The various scenes where he acted like he was upset, I didn’t buy at the time, or now.
        Definitely felt to me like he was trying to distract from something.

        • Observer

          Like a good Scientologist would.

        • He was trying to deflect Louis’ questions, when they came too close to matters that he had no answer for. The appeals to sympathy were designed to head those questions off before they were even asked.

          I wanted to finds some good in the man, but all I saw was continuous self-presentation and image manipulation.

          It worked for a long time (witness how many people here were once cheering for Marty ). Then he met Lous Theroux, who say right through it, and would not stop probing.

      • ombrifuge

        Gosh – now I feel I need to watch it a third time.

    • Frodis73

      I have thought about that too and it is very possible. Adoption rules are *very* strict…some of them are totally unreasonable in my opinion too. This is a button for me as an infertile person that looked into adoption at one time.

      • Observer

        Wasn’t the adoption finalized a while before they dropped the lawsuit?

        • Frodis73

          Yes, I think so. Good point. Would DM be able to use info after the fact? Or maybe it could be shown that he lied on the adoption application in some way…not sure.

      • Chee Chalker

        They are very stringent and can vary wildly from state to state
        They can also be reversed even though a child has been ‘officially’ adopted. There is an infamous case here in Illinois where a child was taken out of an adoptive home and placed with the birth father after 5-6 years maybe even 7, can’t remember exactly). There’s a long story behind that case and extenuating circumstances, but my point is it is not impossible.
        I’m sorry you have had trouble where that is concerned. There are so many children stuck in foster care and many people willing and able to adopt. But it’s such an expensive process, it makes it almost impossible.
        As far as our pal MR…..I was surprised at how much that bothered him (the mention of his son). I would have expected him to expect that from the Co$. My question was : why is this surprising to him? I guess because he never resorted to involving people’s children (or doesn’t consider what he did (to the Cruise children for example) as wrong).
        IIRC the Headleys said that ‘someone’ placed an anonymous call
        to family services about them. So the tactic of interfering with people’s children is definitely in Miscavige’s playbook. Maybe it’s a new tactic, one Morty did not have to deal with when he was wearing the uniform of the pretend Navy, but it’s not beneath Scientology to mess
        With someone’s children

        • Frodis73

          I had a hunch they could be reversed…esp if scientology has proof Marty did something criminal. They would consider that lying on the application.
          Agree about Marty and the kid. I get that any parent would be mad (duh) but for Marty to play dumb and say he didn’t mess with kids? BS. The Cruise kids and Jenna Miscavige Hill are two we know about…I have *no* doubt there are others. I also have no doubt there is no low DM wouldn’t go to in order to hurt Marty. So sickening that he appears to be helping him now. He just doesn’t give a damn…at least that is what he told Alanzo.

    • ombrifuge

      He seemed very very angry when they brought his son into it. If he decided he wanted to create some real problems for COB, maybe he would do something pretty extreme to get back in their good books in order to get close?

  • Taffy Sinclair

    I was just reading the “thank you’s” in McKenzie Philips autobiography, and she mentions she went to Narconon for rehab! I’m very surprised by this, as she is a 12-stepper and narc-o-CON is NOT 12 step based. Does anyone know if she got in to $camology at all?
    It might not be a stretch of the imagination, her sister is Bijou Philips, wife of Danny Masterson…..

    • Jgg2012

      Taffy, according to a blogger, she did Narconon, saw no benefit, and immediately entered Dr. Drew’s program, which worked. I don’t know if she was ever a Scilon, and yes, Scientology is trying to take credit for what Dr. Drew did.

      • Frodis73

        Of course they are, it is what they do best as we both know. Idiots. They fail to mention that most addicts go through rehab multiple times before it even sticks, if it ever sticks.

        • Jgg2012

          Also, another actress, Laura Hippe, did Narconon and then committed suicide. Some success rate.

      • Taffy Sinclair

        Thanks for the info! After I posted this, I did a lil google sleuthing. I sleuthed my ass off. Saw some postings regarding this topic on other sites. Glad to hear she’s not 1 of “them.” Sorry we cannot say the same for her sister. Her kidney’s will continue to get worse if she uses $cilon medicine, or lack-thereof.

      • StudentOfLife

        I did meet a guy in Ojai CA in 2016 who went through Narconon in 1989, courtesy of a small movie studio partially owned by a then practicing scientologist. He enjoyed the sweating out and laughed the whole way through when he saw it was based on Hubbardese. He said that it was 20 years later before he finally quit receiving mail from the cult (his words). Upon completing Narconon in ’89 he decided to enter 12 steps, didn’t like what he felt was over emphasis on the 1939 outdated writings of Bill Wilson, turned to Buddhism, and never drank alcohol for 27 years when I ran into him. Narconon in 1989 was his fifth trip to rehab, he just realized that at age 40, his liver couldn’t take it anymore, but he hated scientology ever since he “graduated” and they tried to make him a staff member even telling him of certain side “benefits.” He said he knew right then how evil Narconon was and took the first bus out of there not telling anyone he left.

  • Free Minds, Free Hearts

    My only comment so far – thank you, Tony, for the heads up that there would be a Jim Mathers photo. I need a warning before his photos… I wish he had kept some money back from the regges to pay a dentist.

  • Ann B Watson

    Old Ron comes round again and Mr. Masterson celebrates himself. I am not much into desserts but the sword through the jelly, I think looks like avocado on the bottom,is just not the real thing. I want the Officer’s Sword through the Cake! Tonight I raise a glass of red and toast this day as a forever symbol of
    my release from worship of a man with a very bad reputation. Love you all.💛

  • GrangerFX

    Deep thought of the day:
    If an OT VIII walked into an org where no one knew them and took a Oxford Capacity Analysis test, how well would they do?

    • ombrifuge

      It would show that they were currently being controlled and unable to think for themselves, but don’t worry, the org has a course that will help them to think for themselves once again.

      • GrangerFX

        No they don’t. If they did, this blog would not exist.

        • ombrifuge

          Unfortunately, I wasn’t being serious. But It is a very interesting thought.

    • Observer

      I doubt it would matter how high anyone scored. They’d just say “Scientology can make you even better!”

      • Rasha

        Exactly. I’d wager that NO ONE EVAR has scored satisfactorily on that stupid “test”, simply because it is designed to show failure. Have Dave take it (ha!), and have a top test analyst check it without knowing whose test it was….

        “Well, well…. Uh-uh. No, this person needs to sign up for courses right away… do we have his bank account info yet? Get me his address and any family members with access to cash. Hound him. This guy needs expensive courses. Prep the Niacin, STAT!!!

        • Qbird

          What an interesting ‘test’ for an OT though! If they were to give that a go.

    • Taffy Sinclair

      Hmmm…. interesting! I wonder if, at OaTy 7,,, would they still feel the need to hum for no reason? Or read train table schedules for fun. Or a litany of other nonsensical shit that people do that has nothing to do with their personality….. Things that make you go Hmmmmm……..

    • MarcabExpat

      Dang it, I can’t remember who it was now, but a very high-ranking (on the Bridge) ex walked up to a body router and did something of this sort. I wish I could remember more about this now, but what I do remember is that the poor body router was completely unable to detect that the person was Clear or had done any other services.

      Oh man. If I can bring it back into the front of my mind, I’ll update.

    • Class XXV with bells and whist

      They have taken it 100’s of times by then and can keep it across the top, so as not to be programmed for a special sec check. However, knowing that an initial OCA across the top would allow the script reader to tell them they are “Theety weedy” they may let a few drop down, just to be real.

      • Qbird

        They return to this exam every now & again during the training. That true?

        • Class XXV with bells and whist

          Every time they return for 6 month checks they do it on arrival. Before allowing to complete any major auditing they take it. At the start of any auditing, they take it. After 12 1/2 hours of auditing, they take it. Along with an I Q and aptitude test. All three are done. After you’ve done the I Q test so many times you can kind of remember some of the answers and your speed improves because you’re very familiar with it/them. So naturally, you can get higher scores.

          • Qbird

            nothin’ like steady repetition to rewire the ol’ brain.
            Scientologists do put themselves thru a lot of…
            paperwork.

            All in order to get another hard won piece of paper saying they done did their home work very well.
            One could say it passes the time, I suppose.

          • Qbird

            May I ask, is there any part of this that you miss?

  • DoveAlexa

    When do we get to see the birthday cakes of failure and sadness? I want to see if they can outdo the wilted grapes and leaves tragedy.

  • Tracy Schmitz

    1) do these “clueless” morons in these photos EVER EVER EVER realize this is not how a religion/church/faith is supposed to conduct themselves?… in regards to masterson, whatever happened to living a ethical life in all aspects of life? shouldn’t that take precedence over a raunchy role in a tv show? and while i’m at it, what about erika christensen? appearing in the upcoming movie ” the case for christ”?…. uh, doesn’t scientology princess KNOW by heart what the founder said about jesus?..

    • Silence of the Clams

      I’m not sure how someone that believes in fiction is supposed to comport themselves but people of ‘faith’ have been some of the biggest disappointments in my life. So…yep, the scilons get a pass on this one. And I bet you Erika has no idea what Hubbard said about Jesus.

  • willloomis

    Man I could write waay funnier dialogue than that crap, and know at least 10 other people who could too

    • Chee Chalker

      Ikr, a bit tired
      It’s as if the writers think if they add cursing, old material magically becomes funny again

    • Frodis73

      Yes I’d say with the exception of trolls, every single person that posts here could write better stuff.

    • Rasha

      Oh, shit. I’m sure they could.

  • Lousy Ratatouille

    Is it still 13 March? Then this is on topic: Tory Christman’s 2010 video about the Phony Birthday Game:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpW25bCFb7Q

  • J. Swift

    Sounds like The Ranch may be a Scientology-infested 1.5 star Netflix sitcom. Except for Scientology in its SP Declares, no one uses the term “come to your senses.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a66c722ea74e9fdbe6b2ccb0db45c489ecc23f2e10440b2e1771c3527db1abb2.png

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9a6487285b5018bbc710a63767cd28c69f8aeb784167180af9ed3ff26dca6929.png

  • Off topic. Don’t know what Hubturd and Danny got for their birthday, but I got this today as a gift. And it’s now even my birthday. Best camera I ever had! It’s Pentax K-x, SRL kind. Already figured out the basics and took a few shots. Thing of beauty. Thank you so much to my dear friend! Angels are real.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5069c31507a1a80d96752108ada7b106c7da06494a5bad00700bccda5d7045a3.jpg

    • Frodis73

      So excited for you! Have you ever played with a “real” camera? They can be lots of fun. I really, really miss mine. If you have the extra time and $$ it is fun to learn how to develop too.

      • I did! I had a Soviet Zenit camera when I was like 16. My Dad taught me how to develop film and photos, red light in a bathroom, chemicals and all. It was fun.

        • Rasha

          Developing film and making prints is magic. It really puts the art into making images.

        • Frodis73

          Oh good! I have forgotten how by now, but I loved doing that back in the day. I’m glad you got to mess around with that, fun stuff.

        • In England, Soviet cameras were re-branded and sold by a big chain of camera shops.

          I had a Zorki 4 – a rangefinder camera, because I didn’t like the pre-set diaphragms of the Zenit B range of SLRs, which were all that were available cheap at the time.

          I also had a chipboard cubicle in the corner of a big bedroom for a darkroom – it’s a miracle I didn’t poison myself by inhalation.

    • Rasha

      Oh ho ho ho ho!!!!…… SO FREAKIN’ COOL!!!! GAHHH!!! You have a tripod and a high-speed 64GB chip yes? Good! Omyjeeze. Just… PICS!!!!!! Gogogogogogogo!!!!!!

    • MarcabExpat

      WowowowowowowowowOW. Congratulations! You’ll have to post some experiment results for us!!!

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      That’s bad ass dude! Love the white body too. Very Miami Vice.

    • iampissed

      So happy for you.

    • PeaceMaker

      Dodo, sweet, I’m happy for you.
      I replaced my first cheap European SLR with a Pentax 35mm when I was 16, and have used their equipment ever since. I’d fallen behind in the technology, but a couple of years ago got the newer version of what you have, which I love. I also have a similar range of lenses – I assume one of those is a wide angle, I finally bought my first fisheye and am loving it, around 12mm it captures an image similar to the impression of eyesight including peripheral vision.
      If you have a Radio Shack near you, they often have good deals on the high-quality SanDisk SD cards.
      Have fun!

  • Frodis73

    The sitcom 2 Broke Girls is running in the background and I just caught a joke about one character having to help a friend escape scientology. I do not watch this show on a regular basis at all. In fact, I don’t even think I have seen more than 5-10 eps in their entirety, but they seem to do lots of jokes about our fav cult on that show. I seem to remember aprox 3-4 others on this show. Maybe one of the writers is a Bunker reader. At any rate, I love seeing the cult be the butt of jokes and they have been taking a hard hit in recent years.

    • Harpoona Frittata

      Now that folks in Hollywood have caught on to the fact that $cn is pretty much a toothless tiger these days, more and more folks are having fun at cult’s expense. The culties really work at pulling it in, though, by being so grim and steely-eyed, which makes it all the more enjoyable to whack them like a candy-filled pinata!

  • Observer
    • Rasha

      So nice! Love the shelf fungus (nice focus on that). Very cool composition, Obs! ^_^

      • Observer

        We havent seen any pics from you for awhile. *looks over top of glasses*

        • Rasha

          # -_- #

    • Qbird
      • Observer

        Wow! The fog on the lens or window or whatever makes this look positively magical!

        • Qbird

          well… that is my fingerprint, Observer. I didn’t mean to have a biggo smudge. But yeah, it turned out soft. Here he is after cleaning the lens ~ https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8125cce7a5708e2dbf76e235464699bc0eb1e9114c2cc7cc392b342eb3a6dad8.png

          • Cookie is a wonderful model!

            • Qbird

              as long as I don’t move fast & have bacon bits to offer.

            • Haha! So cool!

          • Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn)

            Kitteh!

          • Jimmy3

            hey buddy
            how u doin

            • Qbird

              who u talkin’ to J3Xs?

            • Jimmy3

              that fox
              we havin a moment

            • Qbird

              look… look into its eyes… deep dark reddish brown…

              “U has bacon? U give to me, yes…? yes…”

            • GrangerFX

              “There’s only one thing that smells like bacon, and that’s BACON! What’s in the bag??? I don’t know. I CAN’T READ!”

            • 5 Feet Long and Luminous

              I thought that commercial was hilarious when I was a kid.

            • Rasha

              Ring-ding-ding-a-ding-ding-ding-a-ding!

          • Rasha

            *whispers* …kitteh! *points*

            • Qbird

              i know, our friend Johnny done beat you to it, love… but I heard your voice too.
              XD

            • Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn)

              I said it in the spirit of Rash.

            • Rasha

              Teehehe!

            • Rasha

              =^_^=

          • Observer

            Beautiful

          • 5 Feet Long and Luminous

            Gorgeous!

            • Qbird

              very pretty… 1st time he came by, a month ago, in the deep dark of night, he made the weirdest sound — me, the cats, all up off our seats, “What the hell was THAT?!”

              https://youtu.be/J6NuhlibHsM

            • 5 Feet Long and Luminous

              Damn! Those are some primal sounds. Wild…You should see the looks my cats gave me when I played the vid.

          • Kittydog!

      • Frodis73

        Is that your backyard?? If so, how wonderful. What a beautiful fox.

        • Qbird

          It’s my front yard, I think… could be the back, idk, there’s lots of ‘yard’.
          It’s a big wilderness. Here, facing south towards the lake. A football field to the north, there is a road. gotta long driveway.

          • Frodis73

            I am so moving in with you!

          • Ella Raitch

            Is that the lake in the background? Beautiful – what a magnificent location.

            • Qbird

              The Boreal Forest & lakes lakes lakes for millions of acres & hectares. in all directions.

          • Baby

            OH Q.. Wow.. absolutely fabulous place to live.. So glad you live amongst the critters.. xo

            I’ll trade you a fox for a panther..or wild hog.. or

            • Qbird

              an alligator, or a snake, or.. rare tropical snails! oh my.

              :::thx for smooth over support the other day – no intention of hurting others; not in my schtick.:::

              OR TICKS!!! omg, the bugs!

            • Baby

              Yes..I gotta a lot of trades for you for your gorgeous fox..

              Oh anytime sweetheart.. you are the most gentle person I know and I realize that it’s hard to convey tone ( Tone ugh..ha ) on the internet..xo

      • Cookie. Lol Awesome shot.

      • Jenyfurrrrr

        Agree w/Dodo – amazing shot an what a gorgeous friend to have visiting!

    • Frodis73

      Same thing here except the crocus (sp?) keeps trying to come up.

    • Kim O’Brien

      oh no ;( my mom’s plum tree is budding , and I know that we will get a spring storm , and then the cold will ruin it . Beautiful photo though …i have one of your photos as my LinkedIn profile pic 🙂

    • Fantastic photos!

    • MarcabExpat

      JEALOUS. (and admiring.)

    • Jenyfurrrrr

      Obs – I so love that you post your pics up here – no matter how icky the day or news they always send the reminder that we’re surrounded by art and beauty if we just slow down and pay attention! So I always smile & feel encouraged when your latest pics pop up!

      • Observer

        Thank you!

  • Taffy Sinclair

    Mother of Xemu!! My goldfish just disconnected from me!! That’s it!! I’m leaving the house to enjoy a seafood dinner!!

    I’ve heard of this happening!!!

    • Rasha

      NOOOOOOO!!!!

      • Rasha

        (but enjoy the seafood dinner. Nice swordfish or salmon steak. Om nom nom!)

        • Taffy Sinclair

          It’s scallops, one of my faves, as a native new englander….
          But lobster is my preference….

          I’m nom-noming my slutty ass off!! Like a m’fucker!!

          Thats just how’s I roll!

    • Vaquera
  • Silence of the Clams

    Poor Clearwater…

    I suspect the next Mayoral race will have a scilon in it. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

    • Taffy Sinclair

      Goddamn, you have a sexy name!!! Silence of the Lambs’ reference?? Bee-You-tifull!!

    • Harpoona Frittata

      It would have to be a stealth $cilon candidate because the good citizens of Clearwater have been onto the Co$’s clampire building dream for some time now. Besides, $cilons’ confront shatters into a million pieces whenever someone tries to ask them about Xenu or BT exorcisms or Disconnection or…HEY, who’s been cutting my brake lines and trying to kill me!? These Ronbots are super tricksy and by now everyone knows it!

      Better to work behind the scenes to bribe, threaten, extort and blackmail those you wish to control from a safe distance. You know, $cn’s usual battle plan 😉

  • SarahDB

    Flops down on the couch after a long day.

    Boy that sword in the food picture is strange! What do you suppose it is? Can’t even tell if it’s dessert or not…

    • Jimmy3

      We have already analyzed it and broken it down. It is a sheared and halved tennis ball stuffed with old pistachios, a slice of lime green construction paper topped with apple sauce and shaving cream, and it’s all drizzled with orange-flavored Ronitussin and confetti.

      • SarahDB

        Well Done

        • Jimmy3

          Ronitussin was actually a typo I didn’t care to fix.

          • Ronitussin DM.

            • iampissed

              Nice

            • I’ll be here all week . . .

      • Qbird

        I see a couple of little golden turds floating in the orange goo amid the flowers.

      • Harmless Weirdo

        Frankly, I’d rather just have the whole bottle of Ronitussin. They could class it up by giving me a real shot glass to down it with.

    • Vaquera

      Inverted hammer and sickle

    • UhLasare

      I thought the same. So unappealing.

  • SarahDB

    Snow day tomorrow! Fire up Theroux’s movie! Even if I can only rent it.

  • iampissed

    I didn’t know meatloaf was a slurpy flavor.

  • WhatAreYourCrimes

    Cringe!…. So to all you former $cientologists, does having a higher rank allow you to “do what you will” with those on the lower rungs? If these allegations are true, did Dipshit McPubic-Hair figure he had the right to do whatever the heck he wanted to women beneath him? Reminds me of the disappearance of Shelley Miscavige, and those beneath Dear Leader not having the “rank” to question him. Something smells “rank”, all right.

    • Liberated

      Yes, the “higher ups” think they can do whatever they want to those not so high up, and they get away with it.
      You learn early on not to question an OT…..and if you do you’re accused of nattering or worse.

    • grundoon

      does having a higher rank allow you to “do what you will” with those on the lower rungs?
      No it does not.
      Organized abuse in Scientology is carried out in observance of hundreds of pages of detailed, inflexible rules and policies laid down by L. Ron Hubbard and revised by David Miscavige.
      Only the one at the top, David Miscavige, gets to ignore or remake these rules.

      Most of the ranks and rules and policies are mainly for staff and Sea Org.

      Public Scientologists like Masterson are mostly outside this system except when taking Chruch services or entangled with Chruch justice.

      The intended outcome of the “spiritual” practice of Scientology, however, is to become a “big thetan” with ever-expanding power to “do what you will,” echoed by Miscavige’s realization that “power is assumed.” Big Thetans manipulate the reality of lesser thetans (everyone not strong enough to interfere).

      Danny Masterson’s behavior is that of a Big Thetan. That’s what Scientology is for.

  • Ella Raitch

    Yikes – is that top dessert called the ‘technicolor yawn’

    • Liberated

      I know…isn’t it gross?

  • Liberated

    Carl Reiner is on Conan….he’s 95 and sharp as a tack. wow !

    • Baby

      I love intelligent comedians. Carl is right up there..

    • Missionary Kid

      I just caught the end of it, dammit.

  • Current Resident

    Read a rumor that Doug Douhring’s daughters left or distanced themselves from Co$. I thought that I should ask the experts if there is any truth to that.

    • Tony Ortega

      The ABCMouse guy? I don’t really know much about his family. But if his daughters are out, I’d love to talk to them.

  • Taffy Sinclair

    Someone on here mentioned a kid on youtube who was from Australia or NZ who was a true believer in the whole “super power” thing. What was his name? I want to see his videos!!

  • OOkpik

    Good morning, Bunker.

    Limbering up for today’s post, Joe leads his copycat in some early morning calisthenics.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7037765ba869c775cc125fd2548d89967d289e9e6557a54da9cad83a0a98a8f1.gif

  • OOkpik
  • Newiga

    Stay safe in the snow storm, NorthEast US Bunkeroos!