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Breathe easy, space cadet: Your Scientology holiday shopping guide has arrived!

Once again, Scientology knows just what to suggest as you try to finish up your Christmas shopping list this year.

As ever, the church is recommending that its members make presents of everything founder L. Ron Hubbard ever wrote or lectured from the day Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health was first published in 1950.

And we thought you’d want to see how much effort has gone into this year’s lovely catalog…


And here’s the catalog’s annual message…

Share the Joy

‘Tis the season to gather with family and friends to celebrate cherished traditions and share meaningful gifts. And that’s where the Dianetics and Scientology 2023 Holiday Catalog comes in.

Open the window to a world of wisdom and shine the light and freedom by sharing the gift of Source. This holiday season, introduce someone special to LRH and change their life and their eternity.

Within these pages, you’ll find something for everyone on your list, from brand-new Scientologists to seasoned veterans (and don’t forget to treat yourself.)

So embrace the spirit of the holiday season by spreading joy. Make a lasting impact by presenting your loved ones with Golden Age treasures. Tell us where to ship your gifts and we’ll even do the wrapping.

Give the gift of Source

Sure, Hubbard’s books and lectures make great stocking stuffers, but what about that special someone in your life?

Well, Scientology has you covered there too, pilgrim.

As ever, you can purchase gold or silver pendants and earrings that will help mark you as a loyal past-lifer!


And there’s much more. So tell us, how much do you want Santa to bring you an armful of Source this year?


Technology Cocktail

“One should be very careful not to let the pc get off overts the pc didn’t commit. Such a pc (recognizable by the ease they dive into the extreme past) when being audited off a meter gets more and more frantic and wilder and wilder in overts reported. They should get calmer under processing, of course, but the false overts make them frantic and hectic in a session. On a meter one simply checks for ‘Have you told me anything beyond what really has occurred?’ Or ‘Have you told me any untruths?'” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1964



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.



THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— The first Danny Masterson trial and beyond

[18] Trial special with Chris Shelton [19] Trial week one [20] Marc Headley on the spy in the hallway [21] Trial week two [22] Trial week three [23] Trial week four [24] Leah Remini on LAPD Corruption [25] Mike Rinder 2022 Thanksgiving Special [26] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part One [27] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part Two [28] Claire Headley on the trial [29] Tory Christman [30] Bruce Hines on spying [31] Karen de la Carriere [32] Ron Miscavige on Shelly Miscavige [33] Karen de la Carriere on the L’s [34] Mark Bunker on Miscavige hiding [35] Mark Plummer [36] Mark Ebner [37] Karen Pressley [38] Steve Cannane [39] Fredrick Brennan [40] Clarissa Adams [41] Louise Shekter [42] John Sweeney [43] Tory Christman [44] Kate Bornstein [45] Christian Stolte [46] Mark Bunker [47] Jon Atack [48] Luke Y. Thompson [49] Mark Ebner [50] Bruce Hines [51] Spanky Taylor and Karen Pressley [51] Geoff and Robbie Levin [52] Sands Hall [53] Jonny Jacobsen [54] Sandy Holeman


Source Code

“You should have things which are motion sources in there. The level of truth of that universe ought to be good. You would BE faith in that universe; or your mock-ups, as far as faith is concerned, you would probably rely on a mock-up a heck of a lot quicker than you’d ever rely on a piece of MEST. I mean that seriously. You’d just rely on the mock-up. That’s not bad; if you can create a Cadillac which can outrun Cadillacs, I think you’d depend upon your Cadillac. Get the idea? But if you were really up at the top of the mock-up curve, you’ve made a Cadillac, you would drive your Cadillac much in preference to a Cadillac. You get the idea? It sounds strange, it sounds peculiar, but if you were doing that, and you really set out to make a Cadillac, yours would be a better Cadillac, for you.” — L. Ron Hubbard, December 11, 1952



Avast, Ye Mateys

“I’ve decided to release OT VII when SMERSH is vanquished and things are safe for Scientology over the world.” — The Commodore, December 11, 1968


Overheard in the FreeZone

“Ron’s knowledge accurately blasts big holes in Darwin, yet Darwin is miles above ‘Jesus on a dinosaur’ theories.”


Past is Prologue

1995: The Rocky Mountain News reported that Judge John Kane ordered that Scientology return some materials seized in the raids on Larry Wollersheim and Bob Penny. “The most controversial materials, Internet postings by anonymous people worldwide that claim to reveal some of Scientology’s secret beliefs, will remain sealed and in the custody of the court clerk, Kane ordered. Church officials in October protested an order to return the documents saying they would be committing heresy, would be excommunicated and would be jeopardizing their immortal souls if they turned over some of the most sacred and secret materials. ‘The materials cannot be surrendered to apostates,’ they said in court documents, citing First Amendment religious freedom protections. In this week’s order, Kane said Wollersheim and Penny should get back all
materials on paper and all computer materials except the sealed Internet postings. On the religious freedom question, Kane quoted from a 1990 U.S. Supreme Court ruling: ‘The government’s ability to enforce generally applicable prohibitions of socially harmful conduct…cannot depend on measuring the effects of a governmental action on a religious objector’s spiritual development.'”


Random Howdy


“Thing is he knows that if Lou called up a restaurant or a movie theater and said ‘Mr. Miscavige would like to visit your establishment, could you please close for the evening to accommodate this,’ they would respond ‘Who?’ His frail ego couldn’t handle this. That’s why the only time he goes out is when he’s with Cruise.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Found guilty on two counts on May 31, remanded to custody. Sentenced to 30 years to life on Sep 7.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Next pretrial hearing October 30.
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud.

Civil litigation:
Leah Remini v. Scientology, alleging ‘Fair Game’ harassment and defamation: Complaint filed August 2, Scientology submitting anti-SLAPP response Oct 26.
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Forced to arbitration. Plaintiffs allowed interlocutory appeal to Eleventh Circuit.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Discovery phase.
Jane Doe 1 v. Scientology, David Miscavige, and Gavin Potter: Case unsealed and second amended complaint filed. Scientology moves for religious arbitration.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Ordered to mediation.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] VIDEO: This right here is why Scientology is going to clear the planet, you doubters
[TWO years ago] Scientology’s legendary ‘Liability Cruise,’ including color photos, like it was yesterday
[THREE years ago] VALERIE HANEY DENIED AGAIN: State supreme court won’t hear case
[FOUR years ago] LEAH REMINI: ‘Jackie Lacey, you have forgotten what side you are on’
[FIVE years ago] Tonight, Leah Remini examines her own role in the bizarre Scientology – Nation of Islam dance
[SIX years ago] DOX: An inside look at how Scientology gets what it wants at ‘Ideal Org’ events
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology: Not very effective in Washington politics, but it tries, tries again
[EIGHT years ago] Jon Atack: Scientology’s notion of ‘case gain,’ and how it reinforces the prison of belief
[NINE years ago] The questioner: Scientology brings in its legal ringer for a Florida showdown
[TEN years ago] TEXAS SKIRMISH: Mike Bennitt is on the scene as Monique Rathbun’s lawsuit is back in court
[ELEVEN years ago] Speaking of Scientology Rap, Did Someone Mention CHILL E.B.?


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 3,240 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,755 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 3,305 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 2,295 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 2,176 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,480 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 3,351 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,456 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,903 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 4,245 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,811 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,730 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,898 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,479 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,740 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,776 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,492 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 3,056 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,371 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,546 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 7,097 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 4,228 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,566 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,421 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,540 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,896 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 7,199 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 3,305 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,703 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,579 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 3,144 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,657 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,911 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 15,020 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on December 11, 2023 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2022 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2022), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


Tony Ortega at Rolling Stone


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