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VIDEO: This right here is why Scientology is going to clear the planet, you doubters

On Wednesday we shared a slick new Scientology video that’s intended to get church members to spend lots of money by coming to Clearwater, Florida so they can run around a lighted pole until they hallucinate.

Today, we have another new video that Scientology has intended for its own members, and not for the rest of us.

The point of this video is to encourage Scientologists to pay for a special set of experiences so they can become “auditors.” Auditing is Scientology’s version of counseling, and it’s done with an “E-meter.” Only those who have paid thousands of dollars for training on the E-meter can be auditors, and it takes an enormous commitment to learning the “standard technology” (highly detailed and specific instructions written by founder L. Ron Hubbard).

Thus the video’s play on the word “technology” using a set of good-looking and diverse young… Scientologists, really? Or actors? (We’d wager on the latter.)


Hey, with that crew of hipsters, this planet ought to be cleared in no time!

Now, we hate to rain on Scientology leader David Miscavige’s parade here, but it was our impression that under Miscavige the training of new auditors had largely fallen by the wayside. So we called up Mike Rinder, who keeps a closer eye on that kind of thing than we do.

We asked him, isn’t it true that under founder L. Ron Hubbard, the emphasis had been on selling books, bringing in new people, and training new auditors. But under Miscavige the emphasis on training of auditors had become much less of a priority?

“Oh, absolutely. Miscavige’s emphasis has been make money, buy property, and now it’s train executives,” Mike told us.

As to that last item, he’s referring to the new “Ideal Orgs” that Miscavige has opened around the world, and that Miscavige seems determined to have executives get special training to try and turn those orgs into roaring successes. (But there’s no evidence that it’s working.)

“They have all these training programs for executives. I got something yesterday that said Chicago has 28 people in training. What? They can’t even open their building!” Mike added.

“The thing that is also significant about Miscavige and the training of auditors,” Mike continued, “in the world of Scientology, the [Saint Hill Special] Briefing Course is the ultimate training course. Hubbard said of it, that’s where the ‘Dukes of the Auditing Elite’ are trained. He kept insisting that the Briefing Course is the most important thing in Scientology. Everybody was supposed to be a Briefing Course graduate. And Miscavige just shit-canned it! And nobody seems to say anything about that.”

So if the SHSBC has been discontinued, what’s the point of advertising to public (non-employee) Scientologists to come to the Flag Land Base to get auditor training? (The video was linked from a code in a magazine specifically for the base in Florida, even though the video itself was clearly shot in Los Angeles.)

“They’re just trying to round up people any way they can,” Rinder says. “I don’t know who the public is for this. It used to be Flag auditor training is what Orgs sent their staff to do. Training of public Scientologists was done in local orgs and Saint Hills.”

Mike suspects that there is little need for auditor training at Flag, but the reason we’re seeing slick new videos like this now has less to do with the audience it’s aimed at, and more to do with the Scientology video units making them.

“They don’t have anything to do with all these facilities and all these people who make videos. Like the one you posted last week about the Cause Resurgence Rundown, which was ridiculous. It didn’t say anything. It was just slick video and slick editing.”

The video units may simply have a lot of time on their hands, Mike points out.

“They’re not doing any events. Those video facilities used to be used for event videos, but they aren’t doing any events anymore. They haven’t made any Freedom Medal award winner videos in like three years. They don’t have anything to do.”

And he says that as slick as the new video is, it’s unlikely to have much of an effect.


“That video isn’t likely to get anyone to go do training at Flag. That’s a very expensive proposition, because you have to go live there. If you’re a public, you can’t live in the ten-to-a-room hotels,” he says, referring to cheap motels where Sea Org members are crammed in tiny spaces. For ‘publics’ going to the Flag Land Base, it means expensive lodging and other costs that a long stay would entail. And training to become an auditor would take weeks or months.

So there are very few people who might see this and actually decide to go to Flag and pay huge amounts to become auditors.

But hey, that’s a good-looking mod squad you got there, Dave!


Technology Cocktail

“A person is happy when contra-survival things are far from him and pro-survival things are near to him and unhappy when contra-survival things are close to him and prosurvival things are far from him. In other words, all manifestations of thought and all difficulties of thought find as their basic the five Pre-Logics, the substance of which is that theta locates things in time and space and creates time and space in which to locate things and creates things to be located in time and space.” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1953



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.



THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

— The Underground Bunker Podcast

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— SPECIAL: Your Proprietor’s updates on the Danny Masterson trial

[1] Sep 21 [2] Sep 28 [3] Oct 4 [4] Oct 10 [5] Oct 11: Day One [6] Oct 12: Day Two [7] Oct 13: Day Three [8] Oct 17: Day Four [9] Oct 18: Day Five [10] Oct 19: Day Six [11] Special interview with Chris Shelton, Oct 19 [12] Oct 20: Day Seven [13] Oct 21: Day Eight [14] First week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [15] Oct 24: Day Nine [16] Oct 25: Day Ten [17] Oct 27: Day Eleven [18] Oct 28: Day Twelve [19] Second week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [20] Halloween special [21] Nov 2: Day Thirteen [22] Nov 3: Day Fourteen [23] Nov 4: Day Fifteen [24] Third week in review [25] Nov 5, Saturday special [26] Nov 6, Sunday special [27] Nov 7, Day Sixteen [28] Lisa Marie Presley breaking news [29] Nov 8, Day Seventeen [30] Nov 9, Day Eighteen [31] Nov 10, Day Nineteen


Source Code

“You should have things which are motion sources in there. The level of truth of that universe ought to be good. You would BE faith in that universe; or your mock-ups, as far as faith is concerned, you would probably rely on a mock-up a heck of a lot quicker than you’d ever rely on a piece of MEST. I mean that seriously. You’d just rely on the mock-up. That’s not bad; if you can create a Cadillac which can outrun Cadillacs, I think you’d depend upon your Cadillac. Get the idea? But if you were really up at the top of the mock-up curve, you’ve made a Cadillac, you would drive your Cadillac much in preference to a Cadillac. You get the idea? It sounds strange, it sounds peculiar, but if you were doing that, and you really set out to make a Cadillac, yours would be a better Cadillac, for you.” — L. Ron Hubbard, December 11, 1952


Avast, Ye Mateys


“I’ve decided to release OT VII when SMERSH is vanquished and things are safe for Scientology over the world.” — The Commodore, December 11, 1968


Overheard in the FreeZone

“‘There are reports of euphoria in the financial markets and elsewhere over the arrival of the vaccines.’ LOL! I was going to say that ‘things are as bad’ that now it seems plausible that the ‘fake’ LRH issue about OT 8 seems to be true. Namely that wogs and Scienos (below OT 8) are genetically manipulated so that they now are being controlled by telepathy from the Marcabians. But apparently things are far worse than that! LOL! LRH was Right! ‘Democracy’ for these R6 humanoids is worse than democracy on a cage of monkeys! The cage of monkeys won’t kill themselves with ‘democracy,’ but R6ers with ‘democracy’ will make sure nobody is left alive! Hurry up and do your Bridge!”


Past is Prologue

2000: Mark Bunker reported being asked to leave the Winter Wonderland in downtown Clearwater this week. “There were children singing on stage, kids getting pony rides, and a small petting zoo on display. The lure of the bunnies waiting to be pet were too much for us so we went inside. Within minutes of our entering what we assumed to be a public event, one of my guests had a man poke her in the arm and say ‘Why are you here if you don’t believe?’ My guest was wearing a T-shirt saying ‘Think for yourself’ and displaying the web address for the Lisa McPherson Trust, a watchdog group in downtown Clearwater which helps folks victimized by Scientology. Immediately after, Benetta Slaughter, a prominent Scientologist, came up to the three of us and demanded we leave as we were on private property. We complied immediately. We saw no indication that you had to have specific beliefs to share in the glory of the Winter Wonderland. The signs at the entrance welcomed all and said ‘Free Admission.'”


Random Howdy

“Thing is he knows that if Lou called up a restaurant or a movie theater and said ‘Mr. Miscavige would like to visit your establishment, could you please close for the evening to accommodate this,’ they would respond ‘Who?’ His frail ego couldn’t handle this. That’s why the only time he goes out is when he’s with Cruise.”



Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Mistrial declared November 30. Status conference scheduled January 10, retrial scheduled March 27.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Plea deadline scheduled for December 16.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff scheduled to time served with three years supervised release, restitution of $9.7 million.
Rizza Islam, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for March 1 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial hearing December 9.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Found guilty of criminal and civil contempt.

Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Complaint filed April 28 in Tampa federal court, Scientology moving to compel arbitration. Plaintiffs filed amended complaint on August 2. Hearing November 17 to argue the arbitration motions, awaiting ruling.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Selection of arbitrators underway. Next court hearing: February 2, 2023.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place at least through February 7.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Case settled ahead of scheduled Dec 6 trial.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: New trial ordered after appeals court overturned prior ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Scientology’s legendary ‘Liability Cruise,’ including color photos, like it was yesterday
[TWO years ago] VALERIE HANEY DENIED AGAIN: State supreme court won’t hear case
[THREE years ago] LEAH REMINI: ‘Jackie Lacey, you have forgotten what side you are on’
[FOUR years ago] Tonight, Leah Remini examines her own role in the bizarre Scientology – Nation of Islam dance
[FIVE years ago] DOX: An inside look at how Scientology gets what it wants at ‘Ideal Org’ events
[SIX years ago] Scientology: Not very effective in Washington politics, but it tries, tries again
[SEVEN years ago] Jon Atack: Scientology’s notion of ‘case gain,’ and how it reinforces the prison of belief
[EIGHT years ago] The questioner: Scientology brings in its legal ringer for a Florida showdown
[NINE years ago] TEXAS SKIRMISH: Mike Bennitt is on the scene as Monique Rathbun’s lawsuit is back in court
[TEN years ago] Speaking of Scientology Rap, Did Someone Mention CHILL E.B.?
[ELEVEN years ago] Scientology Sunday Funnies: Learn PR from the Sea Org!


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,875 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,380 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,930 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,920 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,811 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,116 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,986 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,091 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,564 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,880 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,446 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,365 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,533 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,113 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,375 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,411 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,126 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,691 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,006 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,181 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,732 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,863 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,201 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,056 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,175 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,531 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,834 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,940 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,338 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,214 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,797 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,292 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,546 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,655 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on December 11, 2022 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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