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Scientology’s new hype video is off the charts, kids. Prepare to put the pedal to the metal!

Let’s establish this from the beginning: Scientology has a lot of money, and it will never give up the idea that it’s the fastest growing, coolest religion on Earth (despite all evidence to the contrary).

So as a result church leader David Miscavige can pay professionals to hype Scientology in slick videos that are intended to convince young people that Scientology is mysterious and intriguing and can potentially save them from a dull existence.

It isn’t any of those things, of course. Scientology is actually built on a mountain of drudgery, an organization that fetishizes business organization and pretends that you will gain superpowers if you just subject yourself to years of mindless administrative exercises, staring drills, and rules memorization.

But Scientology knows that most members of the public (even after decades of incredible work in an unbroken string by people like Paulette Cooper and Gerry Armstrong and Russell Miller and Robert Vaughn Young and Andreas Heldal-Lund and Leah Remini, to name just a few) still have no idea what Scientology is.


So why not pretend it’s a fast and furious onramp to space age enlightenment, right? In particular, this video is aimed at beleageured Scientologists themselves, trying to convince them to spend even more money to come to Scientology’s spiritual and financial sinkhole, the Flag Land Base in Clearwater, Florida. There, they can do the Super Power rundowns on the Flag Building’s space-age fifth floor, and run around a lighted pole on the sixth floor in the “Cause Resurgence Rundown.” Here take our money!

Anyway, we hope you enjoy the newest hype video that Scientology’s vast cash reserves has produced. And we hope you don’t mind that in order to get this video out to us, our source couldn’t directly download it but instead filmed a playback. (UPDATE: The video is now in HD! Oh, the glory.)


And we loved this touch…



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Source Code

“If the child has suffered a great deal of restimulation such as a recent death on the case, and you know that the emotional content of the prenatal bank is very heavy, you could try to get that death out. But you are liable to find yourself back in the prenatal area, into material that the child can’t handle. The best thing to do is just keep a child from getting restimulated. Limit therapy on a child to picking up little odds and ends. Make them happy, give it to them when you think they need it, stay as late in the case as possible, and above all don’t get the case stirred up to a point where it will swamp the child with anything you suspect may be there. Any prenatal bank is full of infamy. It is extremely embarrassing to try to run some little girl back into the coitus chain who doesn’t know what on earth is going on. She only knows that she is uncomfortable. The words and actions are a complete mystery to her. She is flabbergasted. She will get it off by syllables.” — L. Ron Hubbard, June 14, 1950


Avast, Ye Mateys

“We will be here 3 or 4 days. There will be Liberty. The port is reported full of refugees who try to stow away so be careful not to give them a chance aboard as we would have to bring them back. The ship is beginning to shape up. The ‘new’ recruits are getting to be old hands, things are ironing out well. The bookstore should stock up on small gifts, sandals etc. Now we’ve got water save it. Long time between here and next drink. Enjoy your liberty.” — The Commodore, June 14, 1969


Overheard in the FreeZone

“A KR from you is a validation per ‘Signs of Success’ PL. They aren’t KRs to the field. KRs were never intended to be broadly published. What you do is natter in the guise of a Scientology concept, and nothing more. You have incredible misunderstood on what KRs are, what they are for, and ethics itself. You’re no ethics officer. You’re a lonely old man with far too much time on his hands who wants to feel powerful by attempts at making other people feel small under threat of defamation. We know WHO you ARE and WHAT you are doing.”


Past is Prologue

1995: Maggie Council posted a series on one Scientology member’s experiences with Applied Scholastics schools. Selected excerpts: “The claim that the school was non-denominational was a bold-faced lie. Everything was scientology. Knowledge reports were kept on students, Q & A upon admissions which were kept in files and used to smear students who ‘blew,’ stat charts, study courses and the comm course (which being under the Tax Exempt umbrella makes them “religious” courses), ethics policies, success stories, Friday graduation and wins sharing and applause, etc., etc. They would take students off of the courses they really needed to get a standard academic education, such as math, history, etc. which take a lot of work and time to get the course completions. Then they would be put on some really educationally benign program of drawing a picture, calling each picture an art course, counting it as a completion, plus taking the points for it. If they were far behind the previous weeks completions and points, all of the students would draw several pictures, taking an art ‘completion’ for each one and the points that go with it.”



Random Howdy

“My dad grew up dirt poor during the Depression and he would eat a jar of pig’s knuckles in one sitting as well as all kinds of other ungodly shit.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Next pretrial conference June 30. Trial scheduled for October 11.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Last hearing was on January 18, referred to grand jury. Additional charges also referred to grand jury after January 5 assault while in jail.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff’s sentencing to be scheduled.
Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Readiness hearing scheduled for August 22 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial conference set for September 19.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Found guilty of criminal and civil contempt.


Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Complaint filed April 28 in Tampa federal court.
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Eleventh Circuit affirmed ruling granting Scientology’s motion for arbitration. Garcias considering next move.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Valerie’s motion for reconsideration denied on March 15.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Next hearing scheduled for June 29.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Third amended complaint filed, trial set for December 6.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: New trial ordered after appeals court overturned prior ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links, including our four days in Los Angeles covering the preliminary hearing and its ruling, which has Danny facing trial and the potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Scientology’s heyday: When you got golden tickets for past-life therapy
[TWO years ago] Hanging out with Scientologists going door-to-door in ‘Volunteer Minister’ hazmat suits
[THREE years ago] Scientology trots out new propaganda ploy: Pretending to support journalists
[FOUR years ago] DOX: Quebec church owes other Scientology orgs heaps, pays its workers peanuts
[FIVE years ago] Marty Rathbun tries to rewrite the record on Scientology spying. But we have the dox.
[SIX years ago] Scientology claims L. Ron Hubbard chose David Miscavige to succeed him, proving he didn’t
[SEVEN years ago] Good morning, New York! Paulette Cooper is dishing on Scientology in the Big Apple today
[EIGHT years ago] L. Ron Hubbard’s mesmerizing lore, and tales of Scientology’s secretive Int Base
[NINE years ago] The Fair-Gaming of ESMB’s Michelle “Emma” Sterling
[ELEVEN years ago] David Miscavige, Scientology’s Leader, Wants You to Salute His Beagles


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,695 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,200 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,750 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,740 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,631 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,937 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,806 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,580 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 1,911 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,384 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,700 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,266 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,185 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,353 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,933 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,195 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,231 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,946 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,471 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 826 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,001 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,552 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,701 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,021 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,876 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,995 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,351 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,654 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,760 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,158 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,034 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,617 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,112 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,366 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,475 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on June 14, 2022 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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