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Scientology wants your toddler on the cans, and here’s evidence of it

[From the MK Facebook page: Get your kid on the cans!]

We know our headline today will confuse some of our newer readers. “On the cans” is a reference to holding the sensors of a Scientology “E-meter,” the device that measures skin galvanism and that Scientologists swear can read your thoughts.

Scientologists call “auditing” the process of quizzing a “pre-clear” (someone not yet certified “Clear”) in order to get them to make word associations that can help them retrieve memories from their past lives going back millions or billions of years. It’s also an excellent interrogation tool since Scientologists believe the device is infallible and it’s useless trying to hide any secrets from it.

Every once in a while we run into people who don’t understand why we’d have an issue with adults choosing to partake in this kind of activity. Believing in the parlor tricks of a 1930s pulp fiction hack is a person’s choice and why knock it?

So on occasion we like to remind the public that Scientology is not just a goofy form of past-life therapy, it’s a totalitarian organization that firmly believes it’s going to be running the world some day, and part of making that happen is by indoctrinating very young children.

Even infants and toddlers.


In particular, some Scientologists opened an affiliated organization in Clearwater, Florida called the Mace-Kingsley Center, which grew out of a prior set of teen ranches that were notorious for abusing kids in remote locations in California and New Mexico.

Today, Mace-Kingsley continues to advertise its success stories with the children of Scientologists, who have no choice in the matter. We thought we’d share a few of them with you today.

Up first are some pages from the Mace-Kingsley website, which contain advice from Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. It was Hubbard’s notion that we’re all immortal beings called thetans who go from lifetime to lifetime. Children are really ancient souls, but the reason they are so child-like, Hubbard explained, was that they were still recovering from recently dying in their previous lifetime and they need time to reorient themselves. But in all other aspects, thetans are thetans, whether in a small child’s body or in an adult’s.


Grant beingness to the baby. A very key point you should have down pat as a stable datum underneath whatever you do with a baby is from HCOB 20 Dec 58, Processing a New Mother: “Then the next important thing for a baby is to know he or she is winning. Don’t expect him or her to do more than a baby can do. Grant beingness to the baby. After all, you must remember what this being has just been through…a child is somebody that’s just trying to get over a death which might have been easy and might have been violent. He’s just trying to recover from having shed all of his responsibilities. He’s trying desperately to reorient himself in existence.” — L. Ron Hubbard, from lecture 23 of The State of Man Congress


Doesn’t matter that the kid can’t answer you. “You process a one-day-old baby; start the session! Doesn’t matter that the kid can’t answer you. That has no bearing on it at all. Start the session. Audit the child in a proper auditing room. Use communication bridges when you change the process. Bridge out of the session and end the session smoothly when the process is flat.” — L. Ron Hubbard, from lecture Child Scientology 7 July 1957

“My husband and I have gone from having this ‘out-reality’ and disbelief that an eight month old baby can get ‘real’ gain from auditing to seeing noticeable changes in our baby after two hours of auditing.”


The baby can understand almost anything. “Now, here’s somebody that’s got a wonderful experience coming. It’s everyone’s assumption — I never jump on anybody for not knowing — but it’s a wonderful assumption to say a little baby cannot understand you. As long as you make that assumption, they won’t. But the very funny part of it is that most of them have just gotten through a life of being erudite and they’re tired of it. And they’ll fake it as long as they can. But if you talk to them as though they understand you, they very rapidly do. That’s been one of the more interesting experiences that every auditor has had in handling children, in handling babies and so forth. What can the baby understand? Well, the baby can understand almost anything.” — L. Ron Hubbard, from lecture Child Scientology 7 July 1957


And since kids are really ancient beings in small packages, why not subject them to the same quack “detox” process, the Purification Rundown, that adults endure, taking increasingly insane amounts of vitamins while sitting in a sauna for hours at a time over a month or more. Surely it’s safe, right?

And this is Scientology, so there will be success stories!




Freewinds bubble shenanigans?

You may have seen this video in the comments last night. It appears to show some people in full protective suits coming off the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds in Aruba with the use of a boom, and then getting into a van.

Is that how they deliver Sharron Weber’s cigarettes to the Freewinds bubble? Or is something else going on?


We sent a message to Scientology spokeswoman Karin Pouw for some clarification, and we’re sure she’ll get right back to us lickety split.



Source Code

“I was in a hospital one time and my stomach wall wouldn’t heal. Been messed up. And so they kept feeding me custard. And after about the 465th custard, I just had some kind of an inkling I was coming around a little bit. Actually, what was wrong with me was I was utterly exhausted. I’d just been in combat theater after combat theater, you see, with no rest, no nothing between. And it sort of came to me that this was not the sort of a diet that I myself would select of my own free choice. So I used to slide out with a good-looking nurse, and — beg your pardon, she was a WAVE. And she knew where there was a wonderful Chinese noodle parlor. And so after I’d eat my custard, she would come in and we would go out the back gate and we’d go down and I’d have several egg foo yungs. And you know, soothing things like sweet and sour pork, you know, and so forth. I started to feel better, started to get back on my feet again. And it was those custards — I kept telling the doctors, you see — those custards were absolutely marvelous, particularly when served in Chinese restaurants under some other name. you weren’t supposed to eat anything else, you see. So then finally, finally, through the connivance of a couple of hospital corpsmen and several pals in the Marines, why, I got the wrong meal ticket issued to me, and there was a special diet table where they fed people nothing but steak! So I do know where all the steaks went that the civilians didn’t get, because they were all served at that table. Huge piles of steaks would come in, you see, and I’d demolish four or five of these steaks and feel much better. The medicos never found out about this. And I finally got restored to duty, ‘Certified for continental limits of the United States only. To stay where a proper diet and ration and adequate rest are assured.’ And of course, the next piece of paper back of that says, ‘Ordered to the Fifth Amphibious Force,’ you see.” — L. Ron Hubbard, August 30, 1961


Avast, Ye Mateys

“HATS: Lack of hattedness is what makes an activity look inefficient. It’s what makes lines rough. HASs and HCO are responsible for hatting. Full and competent Hatting makes an org efficient and easy to work in.” — The Commodore, August 30, 1971


Overheard in the FreeZone


“I don’t think Psychiatry and Scientology have to be at odds with each other. They are addressing different issues. I get that LRH was not 100 percent honest about everything he ever said in his life. But who is? Have you been? I think some people who know a tiny bit of dishonesty of one’s life make absolute judgments of other people. But that is just a generalization. To call the person themselves a fraud is just making them a cartoon caricature. It keeps things nice and simple on your mind. But that does not mean you’ve really defined the entirety of his life. Ron was not a Saint. But he also was not a man determined to fool and steal from everyone as you seem to imply.”


Past is Prologue

2001: Excerpts from the latest Freewinds Magazine were posted to a.r.s this week, with a summary of events at an OT summit. “ED INT, Guillaume Lesevre gave the stats for the past year. Nearly 8,000 new people taking their first step on The Bridge. 240 million people reached through radio, TV, print media and dissemination programs. 824,000 people introduced to LRH tech – highest ever. A cumulative total of 3000 events and seminars held which contributed to helping more than 10,000 Scientologists on to their next step on The Bridge. The number of Clears taking their next take on The Bridge increased by nearly 5 times — highest in history.”


Random Howdy

“Mooser, I wish you would stop telling people to set their activity to private. It’s important to be able to read the previous comments to figure out if they’re some nutjob troll or a real Scientologist, for example.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Next hearing set for November 10. Trial tentatively scheduled for February.

Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff’s sentencing to be scheduled.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Pretrial conference October 7 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial conference set for Sept 9.

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Oral arguments were heard on July 30, 2020 at the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Petition to US Supreme Court submitted on May 26. Scientology responded on June 25.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: California Supreme Court granted review on May 26 and asked the Second Appellate Division to direct Judge Steven Kleifield to show cause why he granted Scientology’s motion for arbitration. Oral arguments scheduled for Oct 5.
Matt and Kathy Feschbach tax debt: Eleventh Circuit ruled on Sept 9 that Feshbachs can’t discharge IRS debt in bankruptcy. Dec 17: Feshbachs sign court judgment obliging them to pay entire $3.674 million tax debt, plus interest from Nov 19.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Third amended complaint filed, trial set for Nov 9, 2021.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs. Case appealed on Dec 23. Appeal hearing held Aug 23-27.

Concluded litigation:
Dennis Nobbe, Medicare fraud, PPP loan fraud: Charged July 29. Bond revoked Sep 14. Nobbe dead, Sep 14.
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe dismissed the lawsuit on May 15 after the Clearwater Police dropped their criminal investigation of her allegations.



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links, including our four days in Los Angeles covering the preliminary hearing and its ruling, which has Danny facing trial and the potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Danny Masterson presses for Jane Does suing him to identify themselves as hearing nears
[TWO years ago] Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard has some ideas about your ‘eternity’
[THREE years ago] Kiosk-Gate: LAPD told Masterson accuser its Hollywood site was compromised by Scientology
[FOUR years ago] DOX: L. Ron Hubbard’s son called him a junkie and sex pervert in FBI’s Scientology files
[FIVE years ago] Scientology petitions California Supreme Court over disqualified judge in forced-abortion case
[SIX years ago] ‘Miss Lovely’ in London: Paulette Cooper writes another chapter in her amazing story
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology training includes how to physically pull cash away from a reluctant patsy
[EIGHT years ago] BBC Tracks Down Audio of 7-Year-Old Scientologist Neil Gaiman
[TEN years ago] Tommy Davis, Scientology Spokesman, Secretly Recorded Discussing ‘Disconnection’


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,408 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,913 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,433 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,453 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,344 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,651 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,519 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,293 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 1,623 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,097 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,413 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,979 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,898 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,066 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,647 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,908 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,946 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,659 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,184 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 539 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,714 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,265 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,414 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,734 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,589 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,708 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,064 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,367 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,473 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,871 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,747 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,330 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,825 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,079 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,188 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on August 30, 2021 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2020 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2020), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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