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Scientology social media: Things really couldn’t be better in Miscavigeland

Our special source once again has let us in on what Scientologists are sharing with each other on social media, and we have a few items this week which prove that the church is charging ahead at full steam into a post-lockdown world!

We’ll start in San Francisco, where new staffers are needed at the old Transamerica building that houses the Ideal Org there.



Delphian School in Oregon wants your kids for summer camp!


Hey, Pinellas County people, if you don’t fill vacancies on local boards, Scientologists will!


The castle in South Africa has added more lodging. What’s your excuse for not going now, you lazy Scientologist!


Invest in your eternity!



Who needs college when you have Ron’s books?


The New York Ideal Org says it’s preparing a podcast about what now?


Well, hey, we certainly have a suggestion for that nifty new podcast. In 2017 we took a close look at some of the absolutely fucking nuts material that Hubbard included in Mission Earth, in particular the child sex he portrayed in volume nine, Villainy Victorious.

Here’s just a portion of our summary of that material, starring the character Teenie Whopper, a girl from Earth who was “fourteen or fifteen at the most.” Prepare to feel ill.

She tells the boys that she is going to teach them a “technical” lesson, then shows them illustrations of the human body marked, she says, with 172 erotic spots. To demonstrate how they work, she calls up a young virgin from the crowd.


She has him stripped, then she touches a spot near his spine, and he becomes erect. She then touches a spot on his right thigh, and he goes flaccid. “The audience groaned.”

She touches his lower lip, and he becomes erect again, then she touches the side of his neck and his erection stiffens further. Then she “touched a spot at the lower center of the boy’s pubic hair” and he ejaculates.

“Then there were cries of amazement and suddenly wild applause.”

She then touches a spot on his throat, and he becomes erect again, then touches his ear with her tongue, and he ejaculates again.

The boy vows to be her vassal forever.

To Madison’s surprise, a rock band then strikes up a Beatles song, and follows it with something that sounds like Elvis Presley. A male singer in a military shirt then sings a song, which includes these lyrics…

Oh, a soldier’s life is the life for me,
In camp and plain, I’m always free
No women ever spoil my view
They’re always wanting something new,
For it is the men that I enjoy
The best there is, I find, is boy!
The enemy I do not mind
Can go on in my behind

And if my bunkmates all are kind
Surrounded by ten thousand cocks
All passionate and hard as rocks
Eager to slide in my buttocks
So fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck in me!
And let me fuck and fuck in thee
Oh, what a love-ul-lee Arm-ee!

After stripping off most of her clothes, Teenie then has another lecture for the crowd. She explains that the sphincter muscle is the “muscle of life and death,” and that controlling the sphincter muscle is key.

“You can make it go round and round,” she says, and then pairs off Two-lah with the young son of the nobleman Snor.

She then has Two-Lah bend over, then instructs two of her pages to get the son of Snor erect and inside Two-Lah’s anus.

She commands them to hold the son of Snor perfectly still as Two-lah works his sphincter muscle.

“Madison, staring, flinched at a scream of ecstasy from the son of Snor.”

So yeah, we’d love to hear the staffers at the New York Ideal Org talk about this stuff on their new podcast. That would be amazing!



Source Code

“A man decides to smoke. He therefore becomes an identity known as a smoker. You’ve seen them in the ads. They look very placid. If they smoke cigarettes, they chase pretty girls. And if they smoke pipes they chase fireplaces. You know? And we’ve seen this. Whatever this identity was, he’s assumed this identity and then he gets married and his wife objects to his being a smoker; so now he has an opposition known as a wife. So he assumes a new identity which is ‘a dominating husband’ in order to handle the identity ‘wife.’ But now we have a new identity show up. We have something called the Ladies’ Aide Society, and his wife has joined that. And their combined forces are going to cause him to stop smoking. So now he has to become a wealthy self-determined individual. You see that? And the Ladies’ Aide Societies then get a bunch of quacks — members of the AMA — together and they say that if you smoke it produces cancer. They don’t know what produces cancer but they say that smoking does. They, you see that’s the ghost-shirt messianic thing. They have no solution to it, they can’t cure it so they pick on something and they say, ‘Well, everybody spits in the water so that’s what causes typhoid fever.’ They don’t know. You see? So now he has a counter-identity called the American Medical Association. You see? And that’s an identity. So, this fellow now in desperation to handle this situation becomes a political genius, you see. Because you have to be a political genius these days to handle the AMA. That’s the only place where they operate effectively. Don’t operate effectively in the operating room anymore, only in Congress. So here he is now a genius, you see, a political genius. Now, the political genius runs into an opposition party. So, you have an opposition party — the Democrats. You see, that’s the next oppterm. And that’s about the high tide of the whole thing.” — L. Ron Hubbard, February 28, 1963


Avast, Ye Mateys

“The Sea Org flotilla is close to a fleet now with six vessels all (except Flag) in excellent operating condition. Only Apollo is slightly unready, needing completions on safety work and Lloyds Survey, and a bit below standard in appearance and training. Her divisional officers all say they need more men but as other vessels improved on less crew than over. I think the opinion should be revised.” — The Commodore, February 28, 1969


Overheard in the FreeZone

“Ron — in his not only infinite wisdom but also infinite selflessness — gives us ourselves. He has no desire to own us, as a charlatan would who won’t give us correct authorship in his overt or covert attempts to ‘take control’.”



Past is Prologue

2001: Dave Touretzky reported receiving a legal warning from Scientology lawyer Ava Paquette regarding his plans to discuss Scientology’s secret materials at a lecture at Carnegie Mellon University. “You have posted an announcement to the newsgroup, alt.religion.scientology about your intention to publicly display the entire text of NOTs 34 under the guise of ‘teaching’ activities. Labeling this activity as ‘teaching’ does not give rise to any exemption notwithstanding your views of the law. Given the context in which you are announcing your intentions, it is plain that your threatened display of the entire text of NOTs 34 as educational ‘fair use’ is a pretext. As you well know, Judge Whyte enjoined the unlawful reproduction of that work even when, according to Keith Henson, its reproduction was relevant to his purported purpose. For these reasons, we demand that your refrain from your announced display of NOTs 34, without prejudice to any of RTC’s rights or remedies, all of which are expressly reserved, as is RTC’s right to take action without further notice to you.”


Random Howdy

“Who would have thunk back in the 90s that Tom Cruise and ‘batshit crazy’ would become synonymous thanks to a bunch of juvenile delinquents calling themselves ‘Anonymous.’ Thank Xenu I lived long enough to see it.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Masterson arraigned Jan 20. Next conf to set prelim, March 24.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay’s sentencing delayed to April 13.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for May 20 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Charged in Brooklyn federal court on Feb 4. Arraigned on Feb 9. Pretrial conference set for Apr 29.

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Oral arguments were heard on July 30 at the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Petition for writ of mandate denied Oct 22 by Cal 2nd Appellate District. Petition for review by state supreme court denied Dec 11.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Dec 30, Judge Kleifield granted Scientology’s motions to compel arbitration. March 8: Status conference.
Matt and Kathy Feschbach tax debt: Eleventh Circuit ruled on Sept 9 that Feshbachs can’t discharge IRS debt in bankruptcy. Dec 17: Feshbachs sign court judgment obliging them to pay entire $3.674 million tax debt, plus interest from Nov 19.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Second amended complaint filed, trial set for Nov 9, 2021.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs. Case appealed on Dec 24.

Concluded litigation:
Dennis Nobbe, Medicare fraud, PPP loan fraud: Charged July 29. Bond revoked Sep 14. Nobbe dead, Sep 14.
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe dismissed the lawsuit on May 15 after the Clearwater Police dropped their criminal investigation of her allegations.


SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks

The Australian Seven News network cancelled a 10-part investigation of Scientology and its history of dirty tricks. Read the transcripts of the episodes and judge for yourself why Tom Cruise and Tommy Davis might not have wanted viewers to see this hard-hitting series by journalist Bryan Seymour.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] What do billion-year-contracted Scientology Sea Org workers do all day?
[TWO years ago] Scientology’s founder L. Ron Hubbard on the ‘God trick,’ Christ implants, and Muslims
[THREE years ago] Scientologist ‘Dapper CEO’ Vick Tipnes wins victory against discrimination lawsuit in Tampa
[FOUR years ago] The most Scientology-involved movie ever made? Here comes Nancy’s baby!
[FIVE years ago] Erika Christensen goes psychbuster as we launch Rod Keller’s Scientology Social Media Review!
[SIX years ago] LEAK: Scientology celebrities are stepping up their involvement behind the scenes
[SEVEN years ago] AOLA’s grand re-opening — a look at the last time Scientology cut the ribbon at Big Blue!
[EIGHT years ago] Blogging Dianetics, Part 9: Hubbard and Perversion!
[NINE years ago] How Scientology Drives Your Local Librarian Nuts


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,226 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,730 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,250 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,270 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,161 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,468 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,336 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,110 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,914 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,230 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,796 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,715 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,883 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,464 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,725 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,763 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,476 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,001 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 356 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,531 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,082 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,231 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,551 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,406 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,525 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,881 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,184 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,290 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,692 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,564 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,147 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,642 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,896 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,005 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on February 28, 2021 at 07:00

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Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2020 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2020), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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