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The 2020 Scientology holiday catalog is here! What are you getting for your favorite thetan?

The orgs might be boarded up, and the pandemic has put a stop to the international events, but Scientology soldiers on and still wants your money!

And what better way to drop a few thousand than a gleaming new E-meter for a stocking stuffer, or a new library of L. Ron Hubbard volumes for that special someone?

But this year’s Scientology holiday catalog does acknowledge what an unusual year it’s been, and we thought you’d like to see its preamble…

The Holiday Season is always a time to take stock. And as we wrap up a year of unprecedented events, we are reminded that planets and cultures are frail, that spiritual freedom is always the answer and that none of us can waste this brief breath in eternity.


And that brings us to our Dianetics and Scientology 2020 Holiday Catalog. As you flip through the pages, you’ll find items for everyone on your gift list (and more than a few for yourself). This is the perfect time to present the power of Source to your loved ones and to fill in any gaps in your own LRH library. Because, let’s face it, if this year has taught us anything, it’s that no one can afford to put off their journey up the Bridge.

So check off the gifts that will be most meaningful to your family and friends, and know that you are helping to propel them to freedom. And for that, they will be eternally grateful.

That’s followed by this festive scene featuring the Great Thetan himself. Can one of our old timers tell us more about this photo and what Hubbard was giving away in those packages?


And the message they’ve included is pure gold. Remember, L. Ron Hubbard is heard on tape saying in 1966 that “there was no Christ,” so keep that in mind as Hubbard tells you that no one keeps Christmas like Scientologists do…

The spirit of Christmas lives with us.

We are the protectors of the real tradition of Christmas — peace on Earth and Goodwill to all.

We are the hope of Man — the only hope. Mankind’s salvation lies within our hands. With our tech and ability we can create here on Earth a real heaven where men can be free.

In our hands lies the power to restore to man his determination and all that he finds good in himself — his honesty, his integrity, and the thrill of being of real help to others. A very Merry Christmas to you all and a bright friendly new year.

L. Ron Hubbard


Is five grand burning a hole in your pocket? Choose the color of your E-meter, and then prepare to sail back millions and billions of years to meet the real you…


Did you imagine in 2020 you’d be parting with $400 for a CD player?


How many people do you think will actually unwrap this gift this year?


Now we get to our favorite part of the catalog, the Scientology jewelry collection!



The nice thing about an OT ring is that after you figure out that being OT doesn’t deliver any of the promised superpowers, you still have a memento to remind you just how much you forked over to go “OT”.


How’s this for a stocking stuffer?



Source Code

“The automobile manufacturer is going to be very surprised in a few years. His motors are going to start less and less and less, in spite of the fact that they get brighter and brassier and newer and more sure-fire. Because he’s running out of people who can start motors. Now, this sounds very, very esoteric and supernecromantic. But the living truth of the matter is, you must have some of the ability within yourself to know before the MEST universe will run for you. You’ve got to get the idea of things, you know? You look at something and here’s a strange piece of machinery. You’ve never seen it before, you haven’t any idea what it’s for and you look at it and you get an idea of what it’s for. And you look at it a little longer and you get an idea of how it runs. And why is this? What is a machine? This is a machine society. They turn men into machines, and machines into machines, and there are more and more machines and less and less men. Although the birth rate keeps increasing and the death rate keeps decreasing, that’s still true….You will see babies in a few years being born with slots in their heads so that you can drop a quarter in. And the government will collect the quarters. What are we doing? We’re going further and further and further from an idea, and more and more and more toward a fixed idea. An adding machine, in essence, is a fixed idea. An automobile is a fixed idea. It is an idea surrounded by and trapped in MEST. See that? A fixed idea. How are you going to fix an idea in the MEST? Well, that’s quite a trick and that’s why people can’t start cars. You have to sort of know it goes before it goes. That’s the truth of the matter.” — L. Ron Hubbard, December 7, 1953



Avast, Ye Mateys

“TECH BREAKTHROUGH: I have just made a fantastic tech breakthrough. For some days I have been spending hours each day on a Personality Change Research Project. I find it is not Personality but anti-social behavior that neither the person nor anyone else likes that is the change point. And I did it. I’ve got it. All cases benefit as it speeds exteriorization. It makes OT far more OT faster. Also it resolves the slow case gain case, the no case gain case, also the psychopathic personality and the criminal. The violent and depressed, the well and the sane are all covered now by one process series where the person will sit still. The Dianetic folder of a pc is used and what’s already in it is reworked…The substance of it is to attain at 10 the Really You, one’s Basic Personality and full OT Power. But as a single breakthrough it is very important as it opens the door not only to fast gains but also rids the universe of oppression. There was a common denominator to all cases good and bad. SO SAVE THOSE DIANETIC RECORDS AND WORKSHEETS. They are reused in this action and zoom!…You wanted to Clear the planet and end off SPs on the track. Well, boy, we’ve really got it! It’s been a valuable several days. Thank you for keeping things cool and going so I could work.” — The Commodore, December 7, 1969


Overheard in the FreeZone

“I would call this planet more of a homeless shelter planet than a prison planet. People here are not necessarily guilty of a crime they were just of a lower class and unwanted on their home planet. Originally humans were put on earth as a warrior race but when it was seen what lousy warriors we made they declared earth a prostitute planet. This explains the sexual nature of many abductions. The reason I reject the Xenu story is that in the grand scheme of things a volcanic eruption isn’t that traumatic. I am sure anyone can think of a worse fate than being blown up in a volcano. If it is just force and flows you are talking about then a supernova has outward flow that dwarfs that of even the largest super volcano.”


Past is Prologue

2001: SF Weekly reported that Scientology celebrity Jenna Elfman presented a seminar on film and TV at the new Mission Street org. “Jenna Elfman, star of the S.F.-set (but L.A.-shot) TV show Dharma & Greg, returns to town Saturday, Nov. 24, to lead a seminar called ‘Getting Started in Film and TV.’ It’ll be held at the Church of Scientology building at 966 Mission (near Sixth Street) that Elfman sponsored, and which had its grand opening two months ago. ‘She goes into how she got into acting and how she owes a lot of her success to Dianetics and Scientology,’ reports church spokesman Jeff Quiros. ‘It’s just her story; it’s not that Scientology is a one-way ticket to stardom. But if someone wants to take the classes she took, no one’s going to turn them away.’ Elfman sponsored the mission here because she felt, according to Quiros, that there are enough missions in the San Fernando Valley, where she grew up. As for Elfman’s event, Quiros candidly admits, ‘It’s obviously meant to interest people in Dianetics and Scientology.'”


Random Howdy


“Hubbard was navy-obsessed. You have to climb up to get to the ‘bridge’ on a ship.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Masterson’s demurrer denied Oct 19, arraignment delayed to Jan 6.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay’s sentencing delayed for ‘Fatico’ hearing on Jan 19.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Next pretrial conference set for Jan 12 in Los Angeles

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Oral arguments were heard on July 30 at the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Petition for writ of mandate denied Oct 22 by Cal 2nd Appellate District. Petition for review by state supreme court filed Oct 30.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Dec 18, re-hearing on motions to compel arbitration; Jan 29, Masterson’s request to stay discovery pending the criminal case
Matt and Kathy Feschbach tax debt: Eleventh Circuit ruled on Sept 9 that Feshbachs can’t discharge IRS debt in bankruptcy. Nov 18: Feshbachs indicated they will enter into consent judgment to pay the debt.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Second amended complaint filed, trial set for Nov 9, 2021.

Concluded litigation:
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs.
Dennis Nobbe, Medicare fraud, PPP loan fraud: Charged July 29. Bond revoked Sep 14. Nobbe dead, Sep 14.
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe dismissed the lawsuit on May 15 after the Clearwater Police dropped their criminal investigation of her allegations.


SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks

The Australian Seven News network cancelled a 10-part investigation of Scientology and its history of dirty tricks. Read the transcripts of the episodes and judge for yourself why Tom Cruise and Tommy Davis might not have wanted viewers to see this hard-hitting series by journalist Bryan Seymour.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] The rich donors keeping Scientology afloat at the end of 2019: Part 1, the lesser whales
[TWO years ago] Scientology is quick to cry ‘bigotry,’ but these photos prove David Miscavige’s hypocrisy
[THREE years ago] KID CORPS: When Scientology’s Sea Org parents were told to stop wasting time on their kids
[FOUR years ago] What to get the Scientologist who has everything: It’s the Scientology Xmas Catalog!
[FIVE years ago] Jeffrey Augustine: Part two of his conversation with Jesse Prince
[SIX years ago] Scientology Sunday Funnies: Special Pearl Harbor Day edition!
[SEVEN years ago] Lori Hodgson and her son Jeremy: What you didn’t hear on Inside Edition
[EIGHT years ago] Ken Dandar in Federal Court Today — And Loses Again
[NINE years ago] Valeska Paris Receives Threat from Scientology Attorneys; And More on her Time on the Freewinds


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,143 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,647 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,167 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,187 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,078 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,385 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,253 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,027 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,831 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,147 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,713 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,632 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,800 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,381 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,642 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,680 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,393 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,918 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 273 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,448 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,999 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,148 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,468 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,323 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,442 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,798 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,101 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,207 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,609 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,481 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,064 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,559 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,813 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,922 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on December 7, 2020 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2019 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2019), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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