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Scientology’s bizarre response to the pandemic: Handing out sketchy cleaning products

Didn’t Scientology learn its lesson with its balloon debacle?

A tipster has forwarded us an email sent out to Scientologists in the Ventura area this week, asking them to mobilize for another offensive against the coronavirus pandemic.

As we showed earlier, with David Miscavige’s epic rant about the pandemic and Scientology’s subsequent response to it, the church is torn between two very different basic urges. On the one hand, to put on a showy display that it’s helping out in the time of crisis hoping that it will garner Scientology some rare good press. But on the other hand, it’s dealing with a more basic urge, that of following founder L. Ron Hubbard’s quack ideas about illness and the medical profession, and that his “technology” should be able to defeat the virus, which is just a lot of hysteria according to Miscavige, who dismisses it as a “planetary bullbait.”

So the result is the worst of both worlds, as we’re seeing in various locations as Scientology pretends to be proactive, while at the same time actually endangering people further.


We saw it in Kansas City, where teams of yellow-jacketed Scientology “Volunteer Ministers” were going door to door handing out pamphlets and cleaning materials, as if that would actually help the situation. And now, members in Ventura are being asked to do the same thing…


In Kansas City, local ABC affiliate KMBC fell for Scientology’s bogus “cleaning products” nonsense hook, line, and sinker, saying that the idea of handing out such products was an example of “churches stepping up,” exactly the kind of mainstream media stroking that Miscavige craves…


But images from the program showed some very sketchy products that Scientology was packaging to be handed out…


One of our readers astutely sent screengrabs from the segment to the Kansas City Fire Department, who responded that they would be looking into it.

“An Investigator will [be] sent to ascertain what exactly is being distributed and in what quantities are being given away,” an assistant fire marshal told our reader in an email.


Ventura officials that were so outraged about the release of balloons at the Ideal Org grand opening last month should be on the lookout for Scientologists going around handing out potentially toxic goo and claiming that it will help in the pandemic.

Meanwhile, in online Scientology gathering places, the usual quack theories are being spread around, including the idea that Vitamin C is a “vaccine” against the virus…


The orgs are clean, do you hear that, they’re CLEAN!


At your wits’ end with your teen home from school? Dump them at the Tampa org for some Scientology processing!



In Orlando, let’s get close enough to people to hand them a booklet about keeping distant from each other.



Source Code

“Look, you know that a thetan has been sitting around here for a couple of hundred trillion years. You realize that there have been psychiatrists all over the track? I mean, you probably didn’t realize that it was a stupid universe, but it is. Been psychiatrists all over the track; they’ve been electric shocking people. Well, that certainly should have upset the GPMs, shouldn’t it have? Huh?” — L. Ron Hubbard, March 26, 1963


Overheard in the FreeZone

“LRH did not have super OT powers. LRH did not return. Thus it is obvious that LRH tech is not perfect and that following it absolutely will not lead to a state of perfection. LRH, with the Pre-Logics, Logics and Axioms, created a foundation for a science of the mind and spirit that is unparalleled. Critics go poopoo at LRH but they are totally incapable of creating anything comparable. There is no other spiritual practice that has a foundation in logical premises. I anticipate spending many lifetimes involved in the expansion of LRH’s work.”


Random Howdy


“So the owner of a gay bar took money from the Church of Scientology? AAAAGGHH! Now I’m really in a bad mood.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Jay Spina: Sentencing set for April 3 in White Plains
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members: Trial set for April 14 in Los Angeles

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Waiting for an appellate decision from the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Hearing on motion for reconsideration set for June 17
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology: April 22 (plaintiff attorneys pro hac vice), June (demurrers by Masterson and Scientology), June (motions to compel arbitration)
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe’s attorneys have asked for discovery, depositions (Warren McShane, Lynn Farny), April 20 hearing set (motion to compel arbitration)
Matt and Kathy Feschbach bankruptcy appeal: Oral arguments were heard on March 11 in Jacksonville
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Amended complaint filed.


Start making your plans…

Head over to the convention website and meet us in St. Louis!


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Jenna Elfman, Giovanni Ribisi, and Greta Van Susteren]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] Tom Cruise’s son Connor to marry Scientology staffer in the church’s Florida mecca
[TWO years ago] Leah Remini is still being stalked, and now Scientology has turned to an ex-NYPD detective
[THREE years ago] Scientology’s gateway drug: The personality test and what it’s actually telling you
[FOUR years ago] Talking Scientology with actor and podcaster Ethan McKinley
[FIVE years ago] ‘Going Clear’: Sara Goldberg on how Scientology turned her own daughter against her
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology’s Version of Family Values: The Group is Everything
[EIGHT years ago] Scientology’s ‘Writers of the Future’ Contest Loses a Participant After Our Expose


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,888 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,392 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,912 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 932 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 823 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,130 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,998 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,772 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,546 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,892 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,458 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,377 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,545 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,126 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,387 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,425 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,138 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,663 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,190 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,753 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,893 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,213 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,068 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,188 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,543 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,846 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,952 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,354 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,226 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,809 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,304 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,558 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,667 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on March 26, 2020 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2019 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2019), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 14 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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