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Hey, kids! It’s open mic night at your local Scientology spaceport!

Scientology TV features so much repetitive and boring content that it has taken to inviting desperate filmmakers to screen their documentaries on its platform. These filmmakers are able to overlook the appalling human rights abuses of Scientology in order to get their documentaries about other appalling human rights abuses broadcast. The mental gymnastics of this aside, Scientology TV has become the broadcast channel of last resort for those who have run out of money for promotion and traveling to film festivals.

The Scientology Ideal Org in the San Fernando Valley has a similar problem. The Org has so much empty and unused space that it has to look for something with which to fill that space. When we last reported on the Valley Ideal Org in January of this year, it was hosting a fake interfaith press conference attended by tens of people. As an adjunct to this faux ecclesiastical nonsense, the Valley Org conducted a grim conference on its vast and windswept plain of empty carpet:



The photo of the interfaith meeting is odd, for in it we see the floor in the background sloped downwards to the left. Could it be that the Org is so large we are seeing the curvature of the earth? Or is it just more Scientology camera tricks? In any event, half of the attendees were from Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs and the Valley Org’s Department of Special Affairs. The other attendees were rent-a-clergy. The conference came to naught as it had no meaning in the first place.

For those readers not familiar with Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley Ideal Org is located in North Hollywood, a/k/a “NoHo,” a Los Angeles neighborhood located ten miles northwest from Hollywood. In recent years, North Hollywood has successfully labored to develop a swank Arts District. It appears Scientology now wants to cut in on NoHo’s action: the Valley Org hosted its first open mic night in August. As we read in Scientology News online:

The open mic, which held its premiere performance last month, will take place the second Tuesday of each month, with the next performance scheduled for September 10.

The first open mic featured both young and seasoned performers who played and sang everything from contemporary and jazz to classical. There was even a unique harmonica-piano duo.

Known for its outstanding acoustics, the auditorium of the Church of Scientology of the Valley presents a great opportunity for talented artists to perform in a safe environment where everyone is encouraged to express themselves.

“Great Event!” texted one guest. “Super impressed with the talent level. Wow!”

Wow, indeed. Scientology has plenty of ringers to send down to open mic night, from impressionist Jim Meskimen to amateur magician Stan Gerson to rap artist Chill EB. Who knows which Scientology celebrity might be tempted to spice things up for the benefit of church leader David Miscavige and Valley’s mascot, The Simpsons voice actress Nancy Cartwright, known at the org as “Her Royal Governess of the Vast Valley Territory.” (We’re not making that up.)

And you can understand why the Valley Org has resorted to a weekly talent show when you get a look at the four events it offers every single day…


Given the Church of Scientology’s ongoing collapse in membership, ours is an easy prediction to make: Scientology TV and the Orgs will increasingly reach out to non-Scientologist groups and offer them free broadcasting and free venues for events. This will be done for PR reasons, to safepoint local groups, and to make it appear that Scientology’s Orgs are bustling centers that serve local communities.

The irony is that local Scientologists who donated $15-$20 million for their Ideal Orgs appear to have donated in vain. Rather than serving as the promised Oases of Sanity whose goal is to disseminate the Gospel according to L. Ron Hubbard and thereby boom Scientology to straight up and vertical heights of expansion, the Ideal Orgs are slow-creeping towards becoming non-Scientology community performance spaces.


This past June the San Fernando Valley Org hosted a performance of the Philippine Ballet Theater. Ticket prices were $25, $50, and $75. “All attending received a copy of The Way to Happiness, the common-sense moral code written by author, humanitarian and Scientology Founder L. Ron Hubbard, bearing a custom cover displaying images of the Philippines Ballet Theater,” the Scientology website informs us. How about that for a night at the ballet? Dancing and a free copy of The Way to Happiness!

— Jeffrey Augustine


Bonus items from our tipsters

Meanwhile, in Canada…



Overheard in the FreeZone

“Many things have happened throughout time which have landed us here, many civilizations have crashed and been condensed, implanters are here on Earth implanting people every day. The way out is to handle Earth. Many people feel that there has to be a techno-space expansion for things to go right, but statistically on the track these civilizations are very degraded and they collapse, only ethical expansion is correct.”


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Jenna Elfman, Giovanni Ribisi, and Greta Van Susteren]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] FLORIDA IS IDEAL: Scientology ushers in glorious new civilization in country’s wang
[TWO years ago] Tonight on ‘Leah Remini’: Two witnesses detail David Miscavige’s ruthless Scientology takeover
[THREE years ago] Steve Cannane’s Oz-flavored Scientology history ‘Fair Game’ gets a UK-US-Canada publisher
[FOUR years ago] ‘Going Clear’ wins Outstanding Documentary Emmy, also for writing, directing
[FIVE years ago] Escaping from a Scientology drug rehab center: A transcript
[SIX years ago] MONIQUE RATHBUN’S TESTIMONY: Day One Finishes in Her Temporary Injunction Hearing
[SEVEN years ago] Scientology Chooses an Odd Time to Open a “National Affairs” Office in DC
[EIGHT years ago] The Top 25 People Crippling Scientology, No. 9: Jason Beghe


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,566 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,695 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,199 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,719 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 739 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 630 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 3,937 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,805 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,579 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,353 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,699 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,265 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,184 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,352 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 2,933 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,194 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,233 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,945 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,471 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 997 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,560 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,700 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,020 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 7,876 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,995 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,350 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,653 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,759 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,161 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,033 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,616 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,111 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,365 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,474 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on September 12, 2019 at 07:00

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Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2018 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2018), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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