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David Miscavige’s dark vision for Scientology: ‘What did you think you were joining?’

We have a pretty remarkable document for you today, which was sent to us by a member of the Church of Scientology who recently attended a Maiden Voyage event at their local org.

Each summer, Scientologists are expected to come down to their org in order to watch video presentations of what happened a few weeks earlier aboard Scientology’s private cruise ship, the Freewinds, where a celebration is held each June to mark the anniversary of the ship’s launching under church ownership in 1988.

During that weeklong celebration in the Caribbean, church leader David Miscavige gives numerous presentations to a select number of wealthy Scientologists about the organization’s new initiatives and past successes. Then, after the shipboard event, the rest of the Scientology world is expected to watch video of Maiden Voyage at their local church. And at one of those orgs, which we are not going to identify, a church member decided to photograph and send to us the opening and closing statements that were included in a pamphlet that every attendee was given.

These statements by David Miscavige on the current state of Scientology struck us as some of the starkest statements yet by the organization’s “ecclesiastical” leader.

To help put these statements into a little context, we’ll provide just a little more background. When founder L. Ron Hubbard ran Scientology, his followers were under pressure to spend lots of money. But in general, they were paying for courses, for auditing, and for training to become auditors. In other words, Hubbard wanted them to believe that even though they could be spending large sums, it was for making progress up the “Bridge to Total Freedom” and to improve themselves.

At the very end of Hubbard’s life, and after Scientology had gone through two bruising court battles in Los Angeles and Portland, in the mid-1980s a new initiative was started called the International Association of Scientologists. Church members were asked to donate money to the IAS in what was clearly a defense fund for the organization itself. They didn’t receive any courses or advancement for donating to the IAS, it was simply a way to turn over money in what became a massive slush fund for the church.

Thirty years later, as Scientology is mired in controversy and hemorrhaging members, donating money to the IAS has become the very definition of what it is to be a Scientologist under David Miscavige. Take a look at how apocalyptic Miscavige’s vision is, that the very survival of the planet depends on his followers turning over money to the IAS.

As for the planet itself, if you had any affinity for it, you might not be on the same page with the pope of Scientology. Prepare for his grim vision of where Scientology is going, and let us know if you find this language as disturbing as we do.

Here’s the opening statement from the pamphlet that Scientologists were given this week…

Maiden Voyage IAS Event 2017 Opening Message

Tonight we celebrate the IAS at the moment when the IAS means everything: global survival, long-term survival, elemental survival — for seven billion human beings.

Let’s face it, without the International Association of Scientologists, this planet is damned.

So tonight we consider that IAS objective for survival. As such, we will track all vectors of IAS advance with respect to this slaughterhouse civilization: our plea for Human Rights, our bid for a Drug-Free World, and our invitation to literacy, morality and rehabilitation. These are gifts from the IAS, for which we ask nothing except that people survive.

Although quietly, confidentially, this is also where you can tell one another: “Just because you inherited this planet, doesn’t mean you have to like it.”

And here’s the longer closing statement from the same pamphlet…

Maiden Voyage IAS Event 2017 Closing Message

And with that, we come to a final word on this evening’s event, and a moment to consider your role as members of the IAS. And while you’re at it, you might also consider your place in planetary history, your whole track journey to eternity, and your greater destiny as physical universe rebels.

So, not to put too sharp a point on it, but this is the moment you have to ask: “What did you think you were joining? The local bowling league?”

Not that there’s anything wrong with bowling. But let’s face it, when you join the IAS you become part of an intricately woven equation, wherein all life is cooperative and interdependent. Which means everyone plays an integral role in the survival of everyone else. And which, in turn, means if you fail to help even one human being, the ripple effect can be devastating. The center cannot hold. The foundation begins to crumble. And the walls are spider-webbed with cracks.

While if only to complete the parable — and this from LRH: neglect even one dynamic, and “chaos starts to walk across the land.”

But, let’s now work that equation another way — with LRH technology — as powered by your contributions to the IAS. Whereupon, survival potentials multiply exponentially, as people adopt that technology and pass it on to others. At which point, one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, half a million and more, are suddenly cooperating for the mutual survival of all.

Wherefore, that technology becomes a way of life in the most meaningful sense of the phrase. And foundations re-solidify. The center coalesces. And chaos discretely makes an exit.

While for those who make it happen against the “best advice” of “authorities” — this becomes the most meaningful phrase of all: Don’t break laws of the physical universe, when you can laughingly disregard them.

While beyond that, let it be said: there are people to free, kingdoms to liberate and empires to win. But you have to turn rebel before you begin — which you did. And from which there is no turning back.

In 1950, when L. Ron Hubbard published Dianetics and declared that he had discovered the meaning of life and it was “to survive,” it was a pretty comical statement by an obvious crackpot. But now, in these statements, when David Miscavige uses Hubbard’s familiar maxim, it takes on another, darker edge.

Scientology really is fighting for survival at this point. And Miscavige is sounding downright apocalyptic.



Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 4,809 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 2,566 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 1,912 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,406 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,446 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy in 1,158 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 684 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 4,773 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 1,913 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,233 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,208 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 564 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin in 4,866 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 973 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis for 1,375 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,248 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 829 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike in 1,334 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,578 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 12,687 days.


3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on July 12, 2017 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information about the book, and our 2015 book tour, can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2016 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2016), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | Scientology boasts about assistance from Google | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…
Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield


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  • JJ

    Word Salad with bits of ground up metal in it?

  • JJ

    And what’s wrong with bowling?!

    • Elegant Mess

      It’s certainly cheaper than $ci…same trophies, tho…

  • flyonthewall

    it’s Shelly and Dave’s song! How wohmantic *kiss kiss*

  • Lousy Ratatouille

    Miscavige mixes the words ‘LRH technology’ somewhere into the pamphlet’s prose to give the readers the suggestion that LRH is totally behind the IAS, as if the IAS were founded by LRH himself.

    The still-ins have a lot of wordclearing to do when reading this pamphlet.
    This is what Miscavige means to say:

  • pluvo

    Collection of Hubbard’s apocalyptic scenarios for the uninitiated:

    One of my favorites:

    We’re playing for blood. The stake is Earth. If we don’t make it nobody will. We’re the sole agency in existence today that can forestall the erasure of all civilization or bring a new better one. If we aren’t willing to be hanged for our mistakes we’ll surely fry for them.”

  • Rasha

    Gong back to the latest ISN, there’s a reference to “New OT VIII”. Is this part of SNOTS (Solo NED for OTs) or a new drive, like “Solo Higher Intellegence Thetan Stuff”? Or more like, “You have to start over… again.”

    • Kestrel

      Solo Higher Intelligence Thetan Stuff is a course at the Sam Houston Institute of Technology at Sherman.

  • Liberated

    When the cult falls apart maybe Davey could start his own “lounge act”…….I mean he already thinks he’s Sinatra.

  • nottrue
    • Beth

      At my local ASC meetings we bowl and track vectors AT THE SAME TIME. Just sayin’

    • Techie

      Pluvo down thread found the reference that this silly simile refers to:

      Dilettante = One who interests himself in an art or science merely as a pastime and without serious study.In an org, this manifests itself with ‘people should live a little.’ ‘One needs a rest from Scientology.’ ‘One should do something else, too’. All that kind of jazz.Ask what they do the other nights. Bowling. Horse racing.Boy, you better maul the case folders of staff. You have a suppressive aboard. Maybe six.Scientology, that saves lives, is a modern miracle, is being compared to bowling. Get it?That org or portion just isn’t serious. Scientology is an idle club to it, an old lady’s sewing circle.(HCO PL 16 May 1965 Issue II INDICATORS OF ORGS)

      L Ron Hubbard

  • Nick Clay

    “But, let’s now work that equation another way….”, I hate these little phrases he uses in speeches. He’s such a douche.

  • nobs

    The IAS regges are the lowest of the low. One night in Clearwater, two of the LA area’s biggest regges showed up at our door with their hands out. One of them was Michael Roberts and the other was Howard (anyone remember his last name?). They went on and on about the amazing things the IAS was doing out in the world. My husband and I had already had a few conversations about our disagreements with scn/ias/etc. So when these two asked for money, I asked them to SHOW us how the money was being used, SHOW us how the ias was helping the world, SHOW us that the world acknowledged all this great stuff. They got very quiet. We wrote a tiny check and said that was all we could do.

    • It’s amazing that you still wrote a check after all that though, isn’t it? Do you ever look back and think, “Why the hell did I listen to them?”

      • nobs

        We were under the radar at that point. A tiny check for $25 was enough to keep up the charade. We knew we’d be leaving soon.

        • No I totally understand, but when I look back now I think, “What the fuck was wrong with me. Why did I do what they told me to.” I think of all the times where if I were in the same situation now, I’d call the police, punch someone or tell them to fuck off and shove it.

          • nobs

            Exactly. And we got to do just that: Howard Becker called to ask for more money, but we had already jumped ship (so to speak). It was sooooo much fun to tell him to fuck off. He called the ethics guy at flag and found out we’d been declared. Wooooohooooo

    • Glen

      I am always saddened when I see my old high school friend, Michael Roberts, in this life consuming role as IAS reg. He was a hilarious, warm and empathetic person way back then, almost 50 years ago. After the successes in his acting career, this regging seems to be his important place in $ci. It puts me in touch with the notion that such good people have been sucked into $ci and that so many are too deeply enmeshed to see the reality.

    • Ruby

      Howard Becker

      • nobs

        Oh yeah. yuck and bleck and gag. what a shyster

  • flyonthewall

    Miscavige: “What did you think you were joining?”

    Hands raising slowly in crowd…
    “Ummm…a rehab place?”
    “I thought I was joining a business management course!”
    “Wait a minute I thought I was joining a literacy group!?”
    “This isn’t a criminal rehabilitation program??”

    Miscavige: “Alright, alright! STFU all of you, just forget I said that! Jesus Christ on a crutch!!”

    • GrangerFX

      I thought it was an actor support group.

  • gtsix

    Is the Bunker Bowling League on the first Wednesday of the month, or the last Sunday of the month?

    And are we meeting at the Waffle House on 4th St or the Waffle House on 21st Ave?

  • Jgg2012

    I notice that the conclusion from Miscavige is “you must give me more money.”

  • Suzy

    It sound like a call to war

    • Liberated

      Do you think this is Davey’s attempt to “go to the mattresses?”

      • Gflded Kim

        Yes. Absolutely.

  • Elizabeth Lavet

    “with LRH technology – as powered by your contributions to the IAS”, whoa, what a clear indication that it is all about the money. It used to be LRH tech would make people more powerful to make more money, so take the courses, now it is give the money so we can produce the technology. His little speeches seem to be a real set up, as always, that if things fall apart it is your fault, you failed to help just one person. It has nothing to do with the behavior of the Church, its leaders, and faulty technology. It is each little Scientologist’s fault. He is preparing for the end by shifting even more blame. He makes joining IAS an act of joining a group effort, where everyone’s actions effect everyone else, yet you have to join to take the first inexpensive class. I can certainly see that if everyone does not keep giving IAS money chaos is going to happen, the technology up the stream does not work, is not worth the money, does not produce the results it says it will produce. Kind of hard to sell that after awhile, so donations are survival.

    • Kestrel

      Bob Duggan could take this to heart and use the money from his foundation to fund auditor training and progress up the Bridge for those who have the ability but not the resources. Getting everyone trained at his favorite org and not seeing material positive results would help him discover that the tech doesn’t work.

      • Elizabeth Lavet

        If he shifted some of his money to actually try to help someone he might get a smaller trophy and less attention. Sarcasm aside, wish I knew him personally and could suggest this to Mr. Bob, you present an interesting thought.

  • Imelda Marcos

    ” survival potentials multiply exponentially, as people adopt that
    technology and pass it on to others. At which point, one hundred
    thousand, two hundred thousand, half a million and more, are suddenly
    cooperating for the mutual survival of all.” Half a million or more?!?? He’s drunk.

  • As the regs close in, stand up and say “Oh, sorry! I thought this was the bowling league meeting. My bad!” and leave.

    • gtsix

      Bowling leagues have better uniforms too.

  • Elegant Mess

    Note to self: Join Skee-ball league. Bowling too dangerous.

  • Rasha

    So, without Scientology, as supported by donations to the IAS, “the foundations crumble” and “the center cannot hold”….

    …so, these “foundations”, and this “center” existed before Scientology, but now cannot stand without it? Isn’t that their whole spiel to begin with? Everything existed fine until Scientology, not, without it, everything is damned.

  • Incontinental Breakfast

    As the years go by, the scientology claim that it is the salvation of mankind and the planet, only gets more and more hilarious. But to give credit where it’s due, that claim is one of the more successful empty sales pitches in modern times. In my opinion it’s up there with, “It cleans like a white tornado!”

  • “Don’t break the laws of the physical universe, when you can laughingly disregard them.”

    How can you not break laws but at the same time disregard them. Isn’t that the same thing. At the very least, disregard for the law is a precursor to and inevitably results in breaking it. If you weren’t going to break a law there’d be no need to disregard it.

    Plus Scientology already has been disregarding the law for decades anyway.

    • Kestrel

      Well, there you go being logical and all that.

    • Techie

      “Well, officer, I wasn’t breaking the speed limit, I was just laughingly disregarding it. Whole different thang, according to our Pope. No sir, there are no open containers in here…”

      • Peculiar Musings

        “No, officer, I don’t know how fast I was going, but I do know exactly where I am” – Heisenberg

    • Science Doc

      You can jump off a building with an insouciant disregard for gravity, but you will still go splat.

      • Noesis

        True – but only on the 3rd dynamic.

        On the 1st dynamic, you just go “pick up another body.”

        Like Hubbard apparently did after finishing his “exterior research” in outer space and after setting up camp on “Target 2.”

        There are always new bodies available at the local hospital maternity ward – which is right down the street from the front porch of infinity.

        Scientology is full of incoherent contradicting “explanations” for everything / anything.

        Which is why ultimately has no value – it is an unfalsifiable hoax.

  • Free Minds, Free Hearts

    “At which point, one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, half a million and more, are suddenly cooperating for the mutual survival of all.”

    I thought they had millions of members. Did DM just admit that they don’t?

    • PeaceMaker

      As I noted earlier, I think that the claims of millions are now so implausible, that they can’t even use them with their true believer members. They are also backing off their PR claims made to the outside world.

      It’s an interesting question what that does – or doesn’t – mean, after decades of pretending that they could make the same old outrageous claims, if not even continue to slowly inflate them.

  • Mockingbird

    David Miscavige has speeches that are carefully designed to hit terms, phrases and concepts that appear in Scientology doctrine, particularly the doctrine MOST Scientologists are indoctrinated in most often.

    He is trying to use a form of influence in which one takes a recognized authority -in this case Hubbard- and marries his message to that of the authority to sort of leech influence off the authority. It’s a variation of the rhetorical method of logos (appeal to reason or logic) with aspects of ethos (appeal to authority), pathos (appeal to emotions) and sublime writing (attempting to stir vivid emotions and the imagination to create ecstasy).

    If you were in Scientology for a few decades and did a bit of training as staff and even public the references would be triggered, at least subconsciously. Some would be recalled consciously too, but not all.

    Here’s one that all staff are trained on that Miscavige is clearly referring to:

    “Dilettante = One who interests himself in an art or science merely as a pastime and without serious study.

    In an org, this manifests itself with ‘people should live a little.’ ‘One needs a rest from Scientology.’ ‘One should do something else, too’. All that kind of jazz.

    Ask what they do the other nights. Bowling. Horse racing.

    Boy, you better maul the case folders of staff. You have a suppressive aboard. Maybe six.

    Scientology, that saves lives, is a modern miracle, is being compared to bowling. Get it?

    That org or portion just isn’t serious. Scientology is an idle club to it, an old lady’s sewing circle.”

    (HCO PL 16 May 1965 Issue II INDICATORS OF ORGS) Ron Hubbard

    Here’s another reference that describes how Scientologists see life:

    “The threat to us if we don’t make it is eternity.
    One could ask a staff member that refuses to get hatted how he would like to spend all of the coming eternity blind, in the dark and in pain. He would probably say he wouldn’t like that. But if we don’t make it, that’s what we’ve got and that’s what he’s condemning this planet to.

    He doesn’t realize that he himself, next life, is for it if we don’t make it.

    If staff in our orgs don’t get hatted, they’re condemning themselves and the planet to death a thousand times over.

    So understand that no matter how mild the environment might appear to you, we are actually fighting a full-scale war against ignorance and enslavement. But we do have the tech to win.”

    (HCO PL 2 July 1984 HATTING AND THE ENVIRONMENT) Ron Hubbard

    One last quote to put this in context, and the real top reference on this of course is the central doctrine in all of Scientology – KSW

    “We’re not now in this for play. Our personal futures depend on keeping going and making no major flubs. It isn’t a question of is there something else. There isn’t. Nobody can be half in and half out of Scientology. Scientologists are Scientologists no matter what they do for a living.

    The prize is regaining self and going free. The penalty for our failure is condemnation to an eternity of pain and amnesia for ourselves and for our friends and for this planet.

    If we fail, we’ve had it. It’s not just a matter of getting killed. It’s a matter of getting killed and killed and killed life after life forever more.

    Those guys up there mean business. We’ve got to match or better their energy level and dedication or we lose.

    We’ve been given a priceless chance. We must make good. We haven’t any time for doubts or maunderings.

    We’re the elite of Planet Earth, but that’s only saying we’re the not quite gone in the graveyard of the long gone.

    Somehow, despite our condition and the degraded environment we’re in, we’ve got to keep the dedication and the guts to carry through no matter what comes”.

    (HCO PL 30 July 1963 CURRENT PLANNING) Ron Hubbard

  • Hubbard thought that bowling was a good thing.

    Issue 26-G [1954, ca. late March]
    Published by The Hubbard Association of Scientologists, Inc. Phoenix, Arizona

    The Road Up
    L . Ron Hubbard

    Scientology today is doing exactly what it is supposed to do—work!

    It is the only valid and fully tested mental process which Man has.

    In view of those facts, both of them very easy to establish, why isn’t Scientology cutting a large swath through the world? It is attracting a great deal of attention as the growing ranks of the HAS show. But why isn’t it bowling through each and every doubt and opposition everywhere?

    There are several answers. The first is the widespread advertising of that “nonadvertising” group, the medical profession. Magazine articles are counted upon by the A.M.A. to sufficiently advertise medicine without the A.M.A. having to buy space. blah blah blah…

  • A Piece of Blue Sky, p.268-ish:

    Meisner managed to ingratiate himself with his captors again. From June 17, 1977, he was no longer guarded at night. Three days later, he collected a few clothes and left the apartment. He watched his back carefully to make sure he was not being followed, and changed buses twice en route to a bowling alley. From there he made a collect call to an Assistant U.S. Attorney in Washington, pretending to be Gerald Wolfe, just in case the GO had an operative in the Attorney’s office. Two hours later, Meisner surrendered himself to the FBI.

  • sizzle8

    Back in the day when it looked like Marty was becoming sane, he posted this on his blog,

    “The IRS was considering taking IAS reserves into account when examining Church of Scientology International’s (and RTC by extension) reserves. It seemed to them that if DM and co in Hemet were controlling IAS, then its then-fledgling, but already substantial, reserves ought to be considered CSI’s. If IAS membership – and thus donations – were required as a condition precedent in order to take services in a church of Scientology, then clearly IAS – and what it did with its significant sums of money – would come under a tremendous level of scrutiny.

    The IRS came up with independent evidence to support their concerns. Read the church’s response:

    “You have called our attention to an advertisement in issue 75 of SOURCE magazine containing statements to the effect that IAS membership is required in order for a parishioner to participate in religious services. These statements are erroneous. There is no Church policy or directive which sets foth such a requirement, nor has there ever been such a Church policy or directive. The relevant Church policies approving IAS as the official membership organization, previously furnished to you, contain no such requirement. Neither HASI nor any other membership system in the United States has ever required membership as a condition of participating in religious services at a Scientology church.

    Following your letter, we investigated to determine how this advertisement came to appear in the issue of SOURCE magazine you cited. We believe the error was caused by the misunderstanding of a SOURCE magazine editor newly appointed early in 1991. She mistakenly used from issue 74 of SOURCE an old, rejected advertisement that contained the misstatement, apparently not realizing that it had been expressly rejected for publication…

    …We are taking steps to ensure that all future advertisement and other statements regarding IAS membership made by Church organizations correctly state the facts of the matter as described above. Keeping certificates in force was and continues to be a benefit of IAS membership; requiring membership in the IAS in order to participate in religious services never has been valid and membership in the IAS was and remains wholly voluntary…”

    Now, you want to know sensitive this area that the IRS was probing was to DM? Judge for yourself based on the content and tone of the final two paragraphs of the church’s answer:

    “Finally, we would appreciate being informed of how you received issue 75 of SOURCE and why you did not simply bring it to our attention in the first instance. The wording and tone of this and other questions here, as well as in earlier questions, is disconcerting. The simplest, most straight-forward method for the Service to address legitimate concerns is to inform us of the precise character and source of your concerns as they arise, or at least to bring them up in person when we meet. Instead, we receive what appear to be trick questions that assume the truth of the information the service has received from third parties.

    Questions that directly or implicitly assume untruthfulness are contrary to the general spirit of cooperation and candor that we have developed over the past eighteen months. Much of the disinformation about Scientology is spread by individuals and groups who have personal and financial disputes with Scientology. The credibility of information from such sources is at best suspect, but if we do not know where the Service is getting its information, we cannot give the Service context within which to evaluate the credibility of such sources, who certainly do not willingly divulge their motivations to the Service. It is particularly troublesome to us that significant elements within the Service will automatically assume that heretics and apostates are truthful while Scientologists and Scientology organizations are not.”

    Seems to me that if DM and company continued to require IAS memberships and/or enhancement of statuses within the IAS, in order for folks to be deemed eligible for continuing church services – he might be in a heap of trouble. If he carried that out without explicit, written policies – but instead verbally so as to cover his ass – it might even smack of fraud.”

  • Bavarian Rage

    I’m sure this has already been said downstream, but “all the VECTORS of the IAS” 😒 (Eye roll) You complete and utter dweeb.

    • disco george

      I haven’t heard the word “dweeb” in a while, but I completely love it!

      • JJ

        It’s the ‘utter’ that makes it…

      • Bavarian Rage

        Bringing it back, baby !!!

        • disco george

          If they can bring back stirrup pants, the word ‘dweeb’ should be a no-brainer.

          • JJ


          • gtsix

            Stirrup pants are back?

            • disco george

              I may or may not have bought some from H&M last winter…

          • Bavarian Rage

            Whaaa? Stirrup pants are back?! I rue the day. All things 80s suck…and I’m a child of the 80s. Except power ballads. Bring em on!

  • Who the hell does Shortarse Miscavige think he is now—W.B. Yeats? (Refresh through a glass, darkly):

    • JJ

      Think he is aiming for Koresh…

      • JJ

        Or possibly Eliot, July is the cruelest month…

        • In the room, the preclears gripe and whine
          Waiting in vain for OT Nine…

    • Baby

      Wow good one Mark! Love it.

    • Draco

      Help! Snortimer has gone vampire!

      • Don’t worry: just fancy-dress wing-covers…

        • Draco

          Phew…was worried for our piglet for a moment there.

  • mockingbird

    When you join Scientology usually no one tells you that among other things it is a doomsday cult. Hubbard repeatedly warned against the destruction and collapse of the current civilizations.

    Scientologists but into the idea that at any moment this world may end and only Scientologists can possibly stop that or survive it.

    • ze moo

      One of the networks has been hyping some show about an asteroid hitting the Earth. Will $cientology save us, or will Bruce Willis do the job? I’d bet on Willis, not on Lron.

      • mockingbird

        I bet on the asteroid every time.

  • Bavarian Rage

    Man, reading this stuff is like reading a teen’s essay where he’s trying to stretch a paragraph of content into 2 pages and trying to fake more intellect than he has.

  • TexasBroad

    OT but this does make me think it’s all going to hell in a handbasket…
    For years some creepy guy has called my store asking questions about ladies’ shoes – can we describe the shoes, what kind are our favorite, etc. If he can keep an employee on the phone long enough, he’ll escalate and start talking panties and other stuff I won’t go into. It’s been an annoyance. Today the guy shows up and has my employee show him shoes he wants to buy a lady friend. He chooses a pair and asks my salesperson to put them on so he can see how they look. When she did, he dropped to the ground and started moaning and molesting her toes!!!! Gah.
    Very weird call to 911.

    • JJ

      And yet for the cops it is just Wednesday….

    • Bavarian Rage


    • littlefish

      I had this happen once when I worked at Urban Outfitters. I had a guy call and ask about men’s swimsuits and it escalated into him talking about his dick and I just hung up on him. He would call back, and he’d get these young 18 yr olds on the phone who didn’t know what to do, and I would snatch the phone out of their hands and just start screeching like a wounded parrot. He stopped calling after that.

      • Sine qua non

        Women’s swimsuit shoppers are the worst. I sold em at a department store one year. Pigs! They left the suits in tangled messes in the fitting rooms, in some cases along with their kids’ used diapers and (rarely, and thank God) their own used feminine hygiene products on the floor. Some tried to bring boyfriends into the fitting rooms to “help”. Gross! I We tried keep things clean, and but on the weekends it was a madhouse. I was grateful when the department switched from swim to coats with the changing seasons. 🤑

    • flyonthewall

      i was just kidding around, thought you knew that

      • TexasBroad


      • EmmaDaoust


        • EmmaDaoust

          Well that was nuts. It wouldn’t let me post, saying “You have already made that comment.” LOL

          • Draco

            Disqus does that 🙂

    • littlefish

      ALSO. I caught a guy taking photos of underage girls under dressing room doors at another place I worked (leaving out name bc this shit is still in court) and I nearly brained him with a face out. My boss had to talk me down, but we confronted him, forced him to delete all the photos and called the cops. Some people are fucking pigs.

      • TexasBroad

        Ick. We’ve been pretty lucky. Just a car through the front window (accident) and the random shoplifters. Creepy Foot Fetish Guy stands out.

        • littlefish

          Car through window! Jesus. Fingers crossed that never happens here. Retail is a wild, wild industry. I also have stories of people pooping in fitting rooms, women shoplifting by putting stuff under their babies in strollers, a sewer pipe exploding over a rounder of t-shirts raining poop water down on 10k in product, a 100 yr flood damaging $50k of expensive vintage furniture in less than 10 minutes, a sting on a sex trafficking ring in a furniture store. Like, wtf.

          • ze moo

            These are the end times, only $cientology can help you with that.

          • TexasBroad

            A 90+ year old lady who thought she was hitting the brakes and was slamming the gas, poor thing. Loudest sound I ever heard were the 10ft glass panels exploding inward. No one was hurt though.
            Any oh my – I forgot about the pooper. Had one of those too. And the sex trafficking arrest in the strip center also.
            Good times.

            • Sine qua non

              Parents, do your kids a favor. Don’t let em grow up to be retail store workers.

    • Draco

      Scientology can help him with that!

    • EmmaDaoust


      • flyonthewall

        stop saying oy

        • EmmaDaoust

          You’re always picking on me. 🙁

          • flyonthewall

            if I pick on you it means I like you. Or I hate you. It’s probably like but there is an outside chance of hate.

            • EmmaDaoust

              Well, there was that time long ago when you backed me against skip press, when I posted the Trump Pez dispenser, because, Pezident, for which I always meant to thank you.

              ETA and so I have resisted picking up a fly swatter a few times…

            • flyonthewall

              I got your back. I hope you have mine when I finally make my move against Peacemaker.


            • EmmaDaoust

              I’m Canadian. We are known as international Peace Keepers, not Warriors. We say sorry. A lot. You know I did insist that he take both those photos down, eh? (I’ll keep an eye out while you… you know… shhhhh)

            • Supper Powers

              You hate me and I like it.

            • flyonthewall

              You hate me and I like it….Mr. Flyonthewall sir?

          • Baby

            Emmie..he’s a Fly.. He’s got to bug you..It’s in his DNA!

    • sizzle8

      In the brain, the feet and genital areas are right next to each other. It explains why the foot fetish is related to sexual issues.

      • Baby

        Wait.. Where is the Reactive Mind?

        • ze moo

          Next to the front porch of the cerebellum…

          • Baby

            ok that’s what I thought Ze..Perfect

    • NOLAGirl (Stephanie)

      What an idiot. F’ing with a Texas girl is risking your life, or at the very least risking some serious damage. I’d say he’s lucky the cops have him and she doesn’t. LOL

    • Baby

      Broad.. I can’t even… There are some very sick people out there..ugh..

      Your poor employee.. I’ve had weird things happen to me when I worked in Mental Health..but I expected it as part of Occupational Hazard..

      But in your charming shop? Ugh..Although I did see a guy masterbating in the library once..and told the Librarian and she said.. ” Again! ” sigh

    • Observer


    • ze moo

      Sickos are everywhere, most have enough shame to keep it to themselves. Ask a local policeman how many locals have been caught having sex with animals. Just do it in a private setting, cops get embarrassed too.

    • Kim O’Brien

      holy crap batman . eeewww

    • PeaceMaker

      In the supposed “good old days” before coordinated law enforcement, someone like that would have been a traveling shoe salesman, getting away with as much as he could before moving on to the next town – and maybe occasionally grabbing a young girl on his way out of town, who people would assume ran away or was captured by indians.

    • InterestedObserver12

      Call display and block number have been available since the turn of the century.

    • Philby

      omfreaking, he’s lucky he wasn’t made a holey man…creep….ewww

  • JJ

    You wonder is it just more blather or is he circling the wagons?

    • ze moo

      Blather, the slush fund isn’t dry yet. Though I can see the day when it is dry.

  • 0tessa

    Above every entrance of a Scientology temple a sign should be posted with written on it:

    Money Macht Frei.

  • But let’s face it, if this isn’t the Bunker Bowling League that I was promised it would be when I joined, I’m packing up my Platinum Bungholius participation award and heading home.

  • WhiteCentauress

    Has anyone mentioned that there are now paid smear ads against Leah and Aftermath on Twitter now? Very disturbing.

    • Kestrel

      Because this is what churches do.

    • Quick empathy

      That is BS!!! I hope people who see this add on Twitter will see how ridiculous scientology is.

  • Lousy Ratatouille

    Now that I’ve read Miscavige’s prose, both the opening and the closing message, I’m not so sure anymore:

    • InterestedObserver12

      What is it that you are not so sure about, Lousy? That the former lead singer for the New Christy Minstrels was a Prophet? That the no-2D Sea Org is the only group to truly survive on all 8 dynamics?

      • Lousy Ratatouille

        I’m beginning to think it IS the eve of destruction. BTW, there’s a new post up, an exciting one.

  • Michael Leonard Tilse

    Interesting. One possible scenario that I have contemplated is that some much more competent criminals with arsenals Miscavige cannot match have deftly cornered him after taking his former reserves. After all, his big slush fund has been news for awhile and what is more attractive to other criminals but a vain, not-quite-bright with buttons on self-importance cult leader with money, who also can’t really go to the authorities complaining “*sob* those bullies stole all that money I defrauded out of my sheep, help me.” If they took it and are applying “pressure” for more, what else can he do? Ramp up the emotional plea with dark portents for failure to contribute. Ah the bully who is now the bullied.

    • on the mean street of not-Hemet, that’s called getting taken the Ski Mask Way ;0

      • Taffy Sinclair

        I like the NOT-Hemet reference…. Quite Succulent, like a duck I know.

    • PeaceMaker

      I think that there is just enough supervision by adults – like the outside directors and attorneys, who at least want to see other attorneys get their share of that money when Scientology collapses – that scenarios like that are unlikely. There may be some smaller scale and more banal financial shenanigans that have taken place, however, following up on Miscavige’s early days of suitcases full of money and Las Vegas gambling, and Hubbard’s apparently having taking the secret numbers for some foreign bank accounts with him to his grave.

      But that exemplifies one of the reasons why groups with tax-exempt religious status, should still be subject to some financial reporting requirements if they are much larger than a shoestring operation – to ensure that they have proper financial controls in place, and money isn’t being misappropriated or embezzled. All responsible large religious groups already do that, and would merely have to provide the reports that their auditors already provide to their leadership and boards of directors (of the legitimate, functioning type), and any that don’t, you have to wonder why they don’t. That would seem to be a no-brainer that could easily be put in place with the support of legitimate, large religious groups, but instead if anything there seems to be a movement gaining strength in the US claiming that religious groups should not be subject to any laws or regulations at all.

      Come to think of it, though, it could be an interesting plot for someone with an agenda, to try to spread a rumor within Scientology that all the money was gone. Since there is no financial accountability, the membership has no way of knowing.

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        If my impressions are correct, the IAS structure was designed to hide the IAS moneys where no “Government” could take it away. That of course leaves the places to hide limited to places that are not government friendly. Which usually means criminals and other not so nice people are in charge of them and powerfully attracted to acquiring that money themselves.

        I wouldn’t be surprised if it is actually all gone. I would suggest Ser. Duggan look into it. He might not be impressed that all his ‘donations’ have disappeared down a rabbit hole. Might be a foundation for a change in how he does business, eh?

  • Ronn S.

    I’m not sure how scary it is, sounds rather mundane as per usual, but then it could be I’ve become immune to Miss Miscavige’s stupid highly paid fucking historian penned rants. I hope the ship sinks with everyone on board, seriously. Now that would be something. Hell the stupid life raft I rode to shore on broke down. Call the Coast Guard? Not going to happen. Do I care? Clearly not.

  • J. Swift

    Dystopian Drama Queen David Miscavige is laying it on as thick as the pancake makeup troweled onto leathery reptilian face when he says:

    Let’s face it, without the International Association of Scientologists, this planet is damned.

    What a farce. First of all, the IAS is an unincorporated membership association that cannot, in and of itself, do anything. This is why the IAS needs an operating arm called the IASA.

    Second, buying buildings with IAS money does nothing to change anything in the real world. Within a thirty minute drive of where Karen and I live there are hundreds of millions of dollars worth of Orgs, a literal glut of Scientology Orgs and phony front groups, that have had absolutely no impact upon Los Angeles:

    PAC Base
    Los Feliz Mission
    Celebrity Centre
    Christie Hotel (Scn Information Center) on Hollywood Blvd.
    Narconon International in Hollywood
    TWTH Foundation building in Glendale
    Narconon Fresh Start
    Youth for Human Rights — a post office box in Los Feliz
    Church of Spiritual Technology – a post office box in Larchmont
    Church of Scientology Mission on Melrose Avenue
    Burbank Mission
    Church of Scientology Mission of Santa Clarita
    Pasadena Org
    Glendale Org
    SFV Org
    Church of Scientology of Inglewood
    Church of Scientology Mission of Sunland
    Inglewood Community Center
    Bridge Publications
    Scientology Media Productions
    Mad Hatter Studios

    Such futility and failure. Scientology has invested hundreds of millions of dollars in Los Angeles and yet has accomplished nothing of any actual value. Los Angeles is over-saturated with nonperforming Scientology real estate. The Orgs pay no taxes and use taxpayer funded roads, schools, medical care, etc. This all so pointless and completely out exchange. The entire Scientology enterprise here in Los Angeles exists largely for photo ops and to drain money from Scientologists.

    • Interesting. One of my favorite Thai food places is in Santa Clarita (Mom Can Cook) – the CoS Mission of Santa Clarita address is listed as 18346 Soledad Canyon Rd, Santa Clarita, CA 91387 which happens to be directly across the parking lot from Mom’s and I’ve never noticed it before … probably because it’s a gym now and there’s a yoga studio right next door. After some quick Google-fu, neither appear to have anything to do w/ the CoS.

  • Science Doc

    I walked into a bowling alley over lunch and got the manager to show me around. I remarked that bowling was surprisingly affordable. He said, “What did you think you were visiting, the local Scientology Org”?

    • Quick empathy
    • flyonthewall

      how did you trick him into showing you around? Pretend you were a German aristocrat interested in classic Americana and wanted to buy his bowling alley so that you can throw costume parties in it for your weird Euro-trash friends?

      • Science Doc

        I hit him with Tone 40 OT Intention Beams and then slipped him 5 bucks when that didn’t work.

        • flyonthewall


        • WhatAreYourCrimes

          Or maybe you infiltrated the bowling alley like the AngryGayPope in the scientology Inglewood Ideal Org… what a ghost town that building turned out to be. (You Tube It for hilarity, and make some popcorn.)

    • bixntram


    • WhatAreYourCrimes


  • flyonthewall

    ” Scientology really is fighting for survival at this point. And Miscavige is sounding downright apocalyptic.”

    Apocalyptic or apoplectic? I say the latter

    • Science Doc

      He’s pivoting to reformat Scientology as a series of young adult novels.

      • ze moo

        Needs a superhero, like RPFman, able to lick a dumpster clean in 5 minutes.

        • Taffy Sinclair

          Cuz they can’t afford toothbrushes, even tho they are free @ the homeless shelter….

          • Philby

            Where they will be unceremoniously dumped in due time.

  • Science Doc

    And so, inspired by David Miscavige’s dystopian speech at Maiden Voyage, a new and more inspirational cult leader emerges. F5

  • Tony Ortega


    • flyonthewall

      is it good?

      • Taffy Sinclair

        check it out for yrself, big boy!!

      • Science Doc

        It’s about Scientology.

      • GrangerFX

        If he announces every one, he will never finish the fence.

  • Nat-leficent

    I don’t think Miscavige is being any darker than Hubbard. Also, I’ve heard worse from an Evangelical pulpit.

    • gtsix

      Or baptist, or catholic, or muslim, or jewish…. the end is nigh!

  • Taffy Sinclair

    come together and form one mass or whole.
    “the puddles had coalesced into shallow streams”
    synonyms: merge, unite, join together, combine, fuse, mingle, blend;

  • Lousy Ratatouille

    How about OT 9 and 10? How about the ‘soon’ to start broadcasting SuMP?

    Here’s an OT phenomenon:

    • FredEX2

      That was a musical treat! Thank you for posting it. 😉

  • EmmaDaoust

    Totally on topic, the weather in Toronto 63F and 84% humidity. Water is pouring off a duck’s back.

    • April

      84% humidity is normal in the Southeast. Welcome to our hell.

      • EmmaDaoust

        It has been raining on and off today. The other day when it was 103 in CA and humid, it was 60 with 0% humidity. It’s been unseasonably cool this summer in Toronto, and I like it!

  • April

    “Don’t break laws of the physical universe, when you can laughingly disregard them.”

    Okay you wee idiot, show us one fucking example of a scientologist disregarding, breaking, even bending(!) the rules of the physical universe. If you can, I’ll throw my money at you.

    • dungeon master

      Those blurbs were word salads worthy of a former governor and vice presidential candidate who shall remain nameless. I can see the faithful clapping and cheering. ‘What did he just say?’ ‘I don’t know, but it sounded important!’ Ugh! Someone needs to clay demo proofread and edit his sentences and make sure each one makes sense. SMH.

  • Gaaah! I was parsing the new format California rehab data. I don’t know what was wrong with the old system, but they brought in another team for the new one. (I can tell.) Their data is full of what I can only call “dick moves”.

    Field names with spaces, which need to be quoted several different ways in the URL.
    JSON values not in quotes. (Not just a dick move, but an actual error.)
    Address fields no longer broken down into sub-fields, but boogered together with embedded new lines, and geo-coordinates lamely tacked on the end.

    They accept raw SQL in their queries, and I have absolutely no faith that they properly sanitize their inputs. (But I won’t test that.)


    • dungeon master

      5 Bunker Points for ‘boogered’!!

  • WhatAreYourCrimes

    Scientology, the Bowling League of all religions… dust collecting freedom medal trinkets, which have only kitsch value.

    Thanks for the humor ammunition, Miscavige, ‘ya bonehead.

    • Philby

      Don’t forget the “certificates” some mollaska left to be found left at the curb by Ebner! lolol

      • dungeon master

        I think you’re referring to Gay Ribisi’s ‘bowling trophies’. FWIW

    • dungeon master

      ‘While if only to complete the parable — and this from LRH: neglect even one dynamic, and “chaos starts to walk across the land.”

      To complete the parable that started with bowling, the ending should use a bowling metaphor IMHO, not some excuse for getting out of events –

      ‘I’ve neglected the 1st, 2nd and 8th dynamics, and I know I wouldnt be able to look Ron in the eye if i didnt immediately remedy the situation. So I’m taking my wife on a bowling tour of the USA. Don’t know how long it’s going to take or when we’ll be back, but when I know, you’ll know, ya know?!’ ‘No I don’t know where we’re going to be staying.. I’m sorry.. what did you just say? Hello? Hello? (muted ‘ Dammit! This piece of shit pho… ‘) Crash. Dial tone.

      ETA: Throw some TWTH in the suitcase and work on the third and fourth (?) dynamics as well. lol!

  • Ever-thinning growth echo in the phantom