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Scientology wants you to dress up like a pirate before it takes your booty

Yesterday we talked about L. Ron Hubbard’s legacy for encouraging his followers to blatantly lie to the general public about the nature of Scientology, and specifically in litigation, as a way to get one over on the rubes.

But we also can’t forget how much Hubbard also gaslit his own insiders. If you listen to the early lectures, it’s impossible not to see how much he was seeing how far he could prank his listeners.

That’s one of the reasons we have always enjoyed looking at the way Scientology conducts its extreme fundraising, in ways that seem to push Scientologists to the breaking point about what’s really going on, trusting that they will never catch on.

The folks trying to raise money for an “Ideal Org” in Battle Creek, Michigan carry on that tradition with a planned March 20 fundraising party in which the participants will literally be asked to dress up as pirates as they are held up for their booty.


Scientology always counts on its marks never being self-aware.


Meanwhile, with yet another LRH birthday imminent and no international birthday party happening in Florida, Scientologists are being asked to celebrate the Great Thetan at more modest local events. The marks being asked to raise enough money for a Philadelphia Ideal Org will have their event tonight, apparently.


And as ever, the push for money goes on and on. A few more “humanitarians” (people who have donated $100,000 to an Ideal Org project) get their mug shots added.




Jon Atack and Jeffrey Augustine



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Source Code

“Let’s be some distance from the body, if possible. Some distance from the body and find some places where you are not. Some more places where you are not. Now some things from which you are not exteriorizing. Some things you’re not at this moment getting out of. And now some things that aren’t pulling you into them. And some things you are not getting out of. And now some things you’re not stuck in. Some more things you’re not stuck in. Now some energy masses that aren’t wrapping themselves around you at this moment. All right. Now some energy masses you aren’t wrapping yourself around at this moment. And now some effort you are not at this moment trying to get out of. Some effort you’re not trying to keep from expending at this moment. All right.” — L. Ron Hubbard, March 12, 1954



Avast, Ye Mateys

“SOURCE TO CAUSE: I’ve heard it said that as ‘source’ I should handle something way outside my general activity. This is a confusion between SOURCE and CAUSE. Whereas I am source of data, overall coordination and planning, You are CAUSE over your area. Results are the effect of your own efforts. When these support general programmes we all win. You should not minimize yourself as CAUSE. It is your greatest ability. Being Blamed sometimes blunts Being Cause. But if one’s total ambition is to be blameless the best situation is to get one’s name on a tombstone. And it’s no fun being dead. Being CAUSE over Matter, Energy, Space, Time, Force, Form, Location and Life is just another way of saying ‘OT’.” — The Commodore, March 12, 1970


Overheard in the FreeZone

“Our eyes gather perception stereoscopically with very limited sensors that only map three colours out of millions. When people first go exterior they use their BTs to translate their limited perception into something similar to what eyes see. That gets mixed up with lots of facsimiles. Theta perception is very different from what eyes see. Theta beings in a higher state of awareness do not look AT things. They surround and permeate. Light is actually somewhat of a distraction.”


Past is Prologue

2000: Der Spiegel reported on that the German government will be conducting a source code review of Windows 2000 out of concern that a component of the software was created by a Scientologist. The report was denied by Microsoft. “The Federal Interior Ministry is examining an offer by software giant Microsoft to have the source code of its new Windows 2000 programs
inspected. Microsoft apparently is afraid that without the official seal of approval from the German agency, its Windows program will not be installed and that private individuals would also hesitate to buy it. The suspicion is directed at the ‘Diskeeper’ program module, which was developed by a company belonging to Scientologist Craig Jensen. Experts think it possible that, with the help of Diskeeper, data on the hard drive of Windows 2000 computers would be accessible to unauthorized outside sources.”



Random Howdy

“I’m not ‘hating’ on anybody — especially folks I don’t even know — but on the other hand I don’t believe in turning a blind eye in order to maintain a positive front. My sister undoubtedly put her kids in the Sea Org, and for that I could never forgive her.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Next pretrial conference May 31. Trial scheduled for August 29.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Last hearing was on January 18, referred to grand jury.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff’s sentencing to be scheduled.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Pretrial conference March 25 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial conference set for April 8.
Joseph ‘Ben’ Barton, Medicare fraud: Pleaded guilty, awaiting sentencing.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Hearing held on February 15, awaiting ruling.

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Eleventh Circuit affirmed ruling granting Scientology’s motion for arbitration. Garcias considering next move.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Valerie asks for March 15 hearing on motion for reconsideration.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Scientology has said it will file an anti-SLAPP motion.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Third amended complaint filed, trial set for June 28.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs. Appeal hearing held Aug 23-27. Awaiting a ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links, including our four days in Los Angeles covering the preliminary hearing and its ruling, which has Danny facing trial and the potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] UCLA’s voice of the Rose Bowl & Pauley Pavilion scores Scientology Super Power!
[TWO years ago] The new Scientology OT 8s are here! Masters of matter, energy, space, and time!
[THREE years ago] Scientology TV debuted one year ago, and it’s still unwatchable propaganda
[FOUR years ago] Tonight, ‘Vanity Fair Confidential’ brings the Shelly Miscavige story to the ID network
[FIVE years ago] David Miscavige wants to turn Clearwater into Scientology’s Vatican — but can he?
[SIX years ago] Meet the guy Scientology is relying on to get the ‘disconnection’ billboard stopped
[SEVEN years ago] DOX: Two early Dianetics supporters, including the E-meter inventor, turn against Hubbard
[EIGHT years ago] Vivian Kubrick posts remarkable photos from the sets of her father’s movies
[NINE years ago] Scientology Starts Out as Staring Contests
[TEN years ago] Scientology’s Writers of the Future Contest: Troubling Ties to Abuse in the Church


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,601 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,106 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,626 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,646 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,537 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,844 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,712 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,486 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 1,817 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,290 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,606 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,172 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,091 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,259 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,840 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,101 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,137 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,852 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,377 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 732 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,907 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,458 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,607 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,927 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,782 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,901 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,257 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,560 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,666 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,064 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,940 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,523 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,018 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,272 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,381 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on March 12, 2022 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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