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Ahoy, thetan: Ready to fondle empty bottles on Scientology’s cruiseless cruise ship?

Judging by how our tipsters are being bombarded recently with mailers, Scientology is really trying to sell its members on flying out to Aruba to spend their time (and cash) on the Freewinds, the private cruise ship owned by the church which has been stuck in port since the pandemic started more than a year ago.

We told you previously that Scientology is begging members to consider literally relocating to the ship and running their offices there. (They have high-speed wifi!) And that’s when we realized that the ship may never sail again. Who would move their office to a barge that up and moved out of range every few days? No, we think there’s a good chance that this aging wreck isn’t going anywhere.

Take a look at this new set of mailers and let us know if you agree with us. First of all, of course Scientologists are being urged to go to the ship for Operating Thetan level eight, the culminating experience of the ‘Bridge to Total Freedom.’ The ship is the only place where you can get OT 8, and it’s still the carrot that is dangled in front of wealthy Scientologists, the ultimate secret that will give you power over matter, energy, space and time.



But the Freewinds isn’t only for the upper level hijinks. For years, church leader David Miscavige has put a big emphasis on some low-level steps on the Bridge, in particular the grueling and mind-bending exercises of the “Survival Rundown,” which include such exercises as picking up empty bottles and putting them down again.

This is a very rare mailer for the SRD that actually shows a reference to that kind of activity.


The ship to nowhere also is the site for many different “conventions” where you can spend money to learn, for example, the tools for “conquering life.” And who wouldn’t want to know what those are?


And in these dark days for Scientology recruitment, why not learn how to talk up the Scientology TV network and become a better disseminator of the tech? Your friends and neighbors will surely appreciate it!



Meanwhile, as the selling of the Freewinds goes on and on, we’re seeing more and more signs that new Ideal Orgs are going to be having their grand openings soon. And first on the list appears to be Austin. Here’s more evidence that it’s ramping up in anticipation of Miscavige coming to town…



Source Code

“The FB, the FAO and the FSO presented me with an enormous KEY TO THE PLANET to celebrate 9 May, the 21st Anniversary of the publication of ‘Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health.’ THANK YOU! A party was proposed but was considered too little notice and everyone too rushed. The presentation was appreciated. These fantastic stats also came up on 9 May. It was quite an anniversary.” — L. Ron Hubbard, May 10, 1971


Avast, Ye Mateys

“NOTICE: We are extending our stay in this port until Wednesday 12.5.71 so that we can complete a heavy campaign to strengthen PRO Area Control. A Dinner Dance is being held at a top local hotel on Tuesday night for shore VIPs, Contractors and business associates.” — Lt. N.F. Starkey, Captain FSO, May 10, 1971



Overheard in the FreeZone

“I want to clarify something. All those who say that the Clear Theta Clear does not exist and that L. Ron Hubbard is a liar need to go to a psychiatrist. Why? All gifted children are Clear Theta Clear. Including me. All the children of God are Clear Theta Clear, because they were created in the image and likeness of God, says the bible. Genesis 1:26. Including Me. Now if you don’t have the ability to use your inner power, it’s not our fault.”


Past is Prologue

2001: The Los Angeles Times reported that the fraud case against Scientologist Reed Slatkin has reached $600 million. “Slatkin took in hundreds of millions of dollars from a nationwide network of investors, which included Internet moguls, fellow Scientologists, venture capitalists, Santa Barbara socialites and Hollywood producers. Slatkin has less than $21 million in various brokerage accounts, most of it invested in EarthLink stock, Pachulski said. About $100 million in investors’ funds was funneled by Slatkin into limited partnerships and real estate deals, but attorneys said they don’t know how much those investments are worth now. U.S. Trustee Brian Fittipaldi said no one is sure how much money was invested with Slatkin, but claims could range as high as $600 million. Some attorneys say they believe the amounts could be higher. ‘It’s a very serious, staggering amount of money that’s at stake,’ said Richard Wynne, an attorney for the creditors’ committee of investors. ‘And I don’t believe personally we’re going to find [the money] stashed overseas.'”


Random Howdy

“The gambling analogy for Scientology is more appropriate than the drug one. At least with drugs you actually get something real for your money — the fact it may be really bad for you is a different story. In Scientology all you get is air and worthless slips of paper, just like the lottery.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker


Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Preliminary hearing set for May 18.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff’s sentencing to be scheduled.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for May 20 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial conference set for June 18.

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Oral arguments were heard on July 30 at the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Petition for writ of mandate denied Oct 22 by Cal 2nd Appellate District. Petition for review by state supreme court denied Dec 11.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Dec 30, Judge Kleifield granted Scientology’s motions to compel arbitration. June 7: Status conference.
Matt and Kathy Feschbach tax debt: Eleventh Circuit ruled on Sept 9 that Feshbachs can’t discharge IRS debt in bankruptcy. Dec 17: Feshbachs sign court judgment obliging them to pay entire $3.674 million tax debt, plus interest from Nov 19.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Second amended complaint filed, trial set for Nov 9, 2021.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs. Case appealed on Dec 24.

Concluded litigation:
Dennis Nobbe, Medicare fraud, PPP loan fraud: Charged July 29. Bond revoked Sep 14. Nobbe dead, Sep 14.
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe dismissed the lawsuit on May 15 after the Clearwater Police dropped their criminal investigation of her allegations.


SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks

The Australian Seven News network cancelled a 10-part investigation of Scientology and its history of dirty tricks. Read the transcripts of the episodes and judge for yourself why Tom Cruise and Tommy Davis might not have wanted viewers to see this hard-hitting series by journalist Bryan Seymour.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] On Mother’s Day, the moms who suffer and defy Scientology’s cruel ‘disconnection’ policy
[TWO years ago] More signs that things are really going totally great for the Church of Scientology right now
[THREE years ago] How much do the Don Rogers letters shake up early Dianetics history? Two experts weigh in.
[FOUR years ago] Nazanin Boniadi’s FBI testimony: Cast as Tom Cruise’s girlfriend by Scientology
[FIVE years ago] Phil and Willie’s excellent adventure: Taking on Scientology’s ‘disconnection’ policy in L.A.
[SIX years ago] Ryan Hamilton files his 28th fraud lawsuit against Scientology’s drug rehab network
[SEVEN years ago] Jamie DeWolf: I’ve found the last memoir of the son of Scientology’s founder


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,297 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,801 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,321 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,341 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,232 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,539 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,407 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,181 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 1,511 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,985 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,301 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,867 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,786 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,954 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,535 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,796 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,834 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,547 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,072 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 427 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,602 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,153 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,302 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,622 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,477 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,596 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,952 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,255 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,361 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,763 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,635 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,218 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,713 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,967 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,076 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on May 10, 2021 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2020 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2020), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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