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When Scientologists talk Scientology, we all benefit from it

We really miss the days when Dave would send out a new copy of International Scientology News that came packaged with a CD of goodies, including a new testimonials video. Those were good times.

One of Scientology leader David Miscavige’s biggest initiatives was in 2007 when he re-issued L. Ron Hubbard’s books in new packaging, called them “The Basics” and basically forced every Scientologist to fork out about $3,000 per set in order to have new copies of books and lectures they probably already had. It was a bald-faced money grab that helped accelerate the mass exodus of members leaving the church at that time, and for those who didn’t leave, if you weren’t being pressured to buy sets of the Basics you were being pressured to help market and sell them.

As a result, for several years Miscavige put out a series of pulse-pounding videos set to a thumping soundtrack that featured Scientologists going on and on about what a miracle it was to do the courses from these re-issued books and lectures. We’ve posted several of them over the years, and we never fail to get a kick out of them. Leah Remini’s husband Angelo Pagan showed up in one of them. Erika Christensen was in another. They’re really magnificent and maybe the most David Miscavige thing ever.

Well, we noticed that one of these testimonials videos we hadn’t seen was tucked away on YouTube with almost no views and so we thought we’d share it with you and also repost the others. So get ready for the driving rhythm as Scientologists tell you how excited they are for the Golden Age of Knowledge!



And here are some of the folks who stood out…

Is Olympics sportscaster Jim Lampley operating a Scientologist doll body? Like, the spitting image!


This is Andrea Doven. She and her husband Michael were close assistants to Tom Cruise, and they spied on him for David Miscavige, as we reported way back in 2012.



This is actor Michael D. Roberts, known mostly for work he did in the 1970s.


And as promised, here are the other videos we’ve posted in the past. We really can’t get enough of them.



Source Code


“I criticize governments. That’s because at the present moment I’m not in any position whatsoever to completely smash them. I make no bones about this, see? This is not covert at all. Governments know what they’re doing, not cooperating with me, if they’re that smart. If they were very, very clever, they never would. And we’ll have to cut that off the tape, you see. But at the present moment it’s not that I’m in a position to, but it just doesn’t fit the cards to make nothing out of all national governments, that’s all. It just isn’t in the cards at the present moment.” — L. Ron Hubbard, February 22, 1962


Avast, Ye Mateys

“Flag is crowded these days. Berthing is at a premium. New faces, new actions. This is the time when it is hard to wear one’s hat because the weaker points on lines have given away. This is the time that reputations are made and future trust inspired in those who wear their hats and do their jobs. In such times one begins to mark out those who can control their immediate environment and make it and those in it go right. This is the way future officers and promotions are scheduled. Reversely this is also the time one notices who couldn’t hold the line or who made a mess of it or who caved in. Those trying to get the job done note these things. The non production, the absent from post, the flaps as well as the order and high production people are noted. It all come straight eventually because those in charge note and support those who make it go right and mark down the others. The go-right guys eventually wind up in charge. Those who dodge their way and dog it eventually vanish off the lines. This is YOUR Sea Org. It is as good as you make it. THE SUPREME TEST OF A THETAN IS TO MAKE THINGS GO RIGHT.” — The Commodore, February 22, 1971


Overheard in the FreeZone

“OT II signifies the first time you see the meter reading on stuff that’s not ‘you.’ It’s eerie and spooky as hell, in a strong shock-and-awe kind of way. Definitely a ‘HOLY SHIT!’ moment in eternity, winding back the dwindling spiral. I mean anyone can sit there and hold the meter cans for a million years and not see those kind of reads that appear when you audit THE EXACT PRECISE CHARGE LINE BY LINE. Is it real? Do we believe it? No one has to ‘believe’ anything. They just have to audit standardly (or it doesn’t work). As for ‘Is it real?’ well, the question is irrelevant. The fact that it works and releases tremendous charge and tremendous ability is what’s important.”


Past is Prologue

2002: The National Enquirer reported that celebrity Penelope Cruz has called off her wedding to Tom Cruise, following her taking the Purification Rundown vitamin and sauna regimen. “‘Penelope has put the brakes on,’ revealed an insider. ‘Penelope is telling pals she feels she and Tom need time to resolve issues in their yearlong relationship,’ disclosed a source. One stumbling block is Tom’s attempt to quickly indoctrinate her into his religion. ‘He’s rushing her into an orientation in Scientology,’ said the source. ‘She even participated in a Scientology purification process — several days straight of intense cardiovascular exercise, high doses of niacin and sweating to drain toxins from the body.'”



Random Howdy

“Most of the junkies I’ve talked to told me the reason they did dope was because it made them feel ‘normal,’ not for the buzz. It made them feel the way they always imagined life should feel, even before they tried it. Unfortunately it’s an illusion, just like the ‘tech,’ and it ends up costing you everything. Hey, if they made Scientology and dope free just think of all the money and pain saved!”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Masterson arraigned Jan 20. Next conf to set prelim, March 24.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay’s sentencing delayed to March 2.
Hanan and Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for May 20 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Charged in Brooklyn federal court on Feb 4. Arraigned on Feb 9. Pretrial conference set for Apr 29.

Civil litigation:
Luis and Rocio Garcia v. Scientology: Oral arguments were heard on July 30 at the Eleventh Circuit
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Petition for writ of mandate denied Oct 22 by Cal 2nd Appellate District. Petition for review by state supreme court denied Dec 11.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Dec 30, Judge Kleifield granted Scientology’s motions to compel arbitration. March 8: Status conference.
Matt and Kathy Feschbach tax debt: Eleventh Circuit ruled on Sept 9 that Feshbachs can’t discharge IRS debt in bankruptcy. Dec 17: Feshbachs sign court judgment obliging them to pay entire $3.674 million tax debt, plus interest from Nov 19.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Second amended complaint filed, trial set for Nov 9, 2021.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs. Case appealed on Dec 24.

Concluded litigation:
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: Trial concluded, Cannane victorious, awarded court costs.
Dennis Nobbe, Medicare fraud, PPP loan fraud: Charged July 29. Bond revoked Sep 14. Nobbe dead, Sep 14.
Jane Doe v. Scientology (in Miami): Jane Doe dismissed the lawsuit on May 15 after the Clearwater Police dropped their criminal investigation of her allegations.


SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks

The Australian Seven News network cancelled a 10-part investigation of Scientology and its history of dirty tricks. Read the transcripts of the episodes and judge for yourself why Tom Cruise and Tommy Davis might not have wanted viewers to see this hard-hitting series by journalist Bryan Seymour.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] Scientology tries to keep high-profile Philly attorneys out of Danny Masterson lawsuit
[TWO years ago] First AME Church & USC both disclaim letter Scientology using against Leah Remini
[THREE years ago] Insider reports on Scientology’s grand openings in Silicon Valley and Salt Lake City!
[FOUR years ago] First look inside Tom Cruise’s Clearwater double penthouse — and Scientology is not happy!
[FIVE years ago] How the indoctrination of growing up in Scientology has changed over generations
[SIX years ago] Sunday Funnies: Scientology’s latest insider fliers for your dissection and delectation
[SEVEN years ago] Jon Atack puts it to Scientologists — did L. Ron Hubbard have the qualities of a leader?
[EIGHT years ago] Blogging Dianetics, Part 8: The Demon Seed
[NINE years ago] Scientology and the Occult: Hugh Urban’s New Exploration of L. Ron Hubbard and Aleister Crowley


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,220 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,724 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,244 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,264 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,155 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,462 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,330 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,104 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,908 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,224 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,790 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,709 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,877 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,458 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,719 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,757 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,470 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,995 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 350 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,525 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,076 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,225 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,545 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,400 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,519 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,875 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,178 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,284 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,686 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,558 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,141 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,636 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,890 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,999 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on February 22, 2021 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2020 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2020), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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