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Oh, now they’ve done it: Scientology gets in trouble with the Smurfs

How many times have we seen Scientology blatantly make use of copyrighted images in their fundraising materials, co-opting movies like Top Gun and Braveheart and the superhero stuff?

We always hear from readers who ask us, why don’t the owners of those images cause a stink over stuff like this…



Nothing ever seems to come of it.

Well, then Scientology messed with the Smurfs.

A couple of weeks ago, the Swiss protesters who run “Anti Scientology Blog” pointed out that a day care center in Zurich is run by Scientologists.

This was picked up by Blick, the country’s biggest newspaper, which on Sunday reported that the day care has about 12 kids, and that it has a city permit, but the business itself denied that it received any city subsidies.

About the most interesting thing about it, Blick pointed out, was its cutesy name: Kita Schlümpfli.

“Schlümpfli” is what the Smurfs are called in Switzerland, so the facility’s name translates essentially to “Smurfs Childcare.”

Yesterday, multiple Swiss news outlets reported that the Belgian rights holder to the Smurfs was not amused, and will be telling the school to change its name.

“The Smurfs stay out of politics and religion,” said Philippe Glorieux, COO of the Belgian licenser IMPS. “We therefore cannot accept any relationship with Scientology.”

Oh, snap.


Technology Cocktail

“Universe O/W is based upon the observable fact that a thetan is trapped in a thetan, a mind, a body and the physical universe. If he weren’t, he or she wouldn’t be sitting in a chair. Thus we process the extremely obvious, scouting out with an E-Meter only what obviousness is more troublesome to the pc than the other obviousnesses. Of course it seems strange that a thetan could think of himself being trapped in another thetan but you see this all the time in valences. Ghosts become ghosts by being overwhelmed by thetans they think are ghosts and so on.” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1959




We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.


THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— The first Danny Masterson trial and beyond

[18] Trial special with Chris Shelton [19] Trial week one [20] Marc Headley on the spy in the hallway [21] Trial week two [22] Trial week three [23] Trial week four [24] Leah Remini on LAPD Corruption [25] Mike Rinder 2022 Thanksgiving Special [26] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part One [27] Jane Doe 4 (Tricia Vessey), Part Two [28] Claire Headley on the trial [29] Tory Christman [30] Bruce Hines on spying [31] Karen de la Carriere [32] Ron Miscavige on Shelly Miscavige [33] Karen de la Carriere on the L’s [34] Mark Bunker on Miscavige hiding [35] Mark Plummer [36] Mark Ebner [37] Karen Pressley [38] Steve Cannane [39] Fredrick Brennan [40] Clarissa Adams [41] Louise Shekter [42] John Sweeney [43] Tory Christman [44] Kate Bornstein [45] Christian Stolte [46] Mark Bunker [47] Jon Atack [48] Luke Y. Thompson [49] Mark Ebner



Source Code

“Ninth of August? What planet? Nine August, AD 12….You are Scientologists. You are scientists. You are people who can do things with the human mind. You practically — this small confine here — practically all the people on Earth who are experts on the subject are confined at this moment in this very small area. See? All right. The trick is from my viewpoint, to get somebody who can clear somebody else while being cleared, see, that’s the stunt. Otherwise nothing else works. Not on this planet, you see.” — L. Ron Hubbard, August 9, 1962


Avast, Ye Mateys

“The UK ban is about to come off we hear by rumour. The Adelaide Aust ban bill is cancelled. The GPO lets us mail at bulk rates again in the US. I think we’ve even found the bug in the TR Course length! So here on Flag the few of us, on long, long lines, are working like mad, short-handed but rolling it out. We ARE very upstat. When you feel critical, just realize it’s a wish to do more better faster. For these 3 small orgs to handle what they’re handling is itself an epic. The thing legends are made of. The lowest downstat amongst us would be a king in any other culture than Flag.” — The Commodore, August 9, 1971


Overheard in the FreeZone

There were already human beings and advanced civilization at the same time as the T-Rex and other dinosaurs. And there were then – just like today – corrupt politicians who wanted to establish a dictatorship and who would kill in the process. They wanted to reduce ‘overpopulation’ and committed genocide. The iridium layer found worldwide in 1978 is evidence of the catastrophe that Hubbard described in detail as early as 1967. Memories of it can also be found in the Vedas. The film series ‘Star Wars’ describes the same event from a different perspective. Had George Lukas been commissioned by Hubbard to make it? The similarity is too striking.”


Past is Prologue

1997: Keith Henson posted a portion of his argument before Judge Whyte this week. “Your Honor, on the trade secret issue, Scientology, through RTC, is abusing trade secret laws and the Federal courts to limit public disclosure of the damages their quack medical ‘procedures’ do to people. Scientology does apply illegal medical treatments to people. If your Honor doubts this I have the ‘treatment’ notes for Lisa McPherson [entered as evidence in another case] right here in my hands. These treatment notes detail restraint, injections, and the administration of chloral hydrate, a DEA Class 4 drug. The result, as detailed in the current issue of Newsweek, was fatal. Over the years Scientology may have caused as many deaths as the Heaven’s Gate cult. Letting RTC withdraw trade secret claims instead of ruling against them will contributed to future deaths.” Keith adds: “Of course, the cult lawyers moved to strike, and Judge Whyte did their bidding.”



Random Howdy

“The ultimate goal of becoming an Operating Thetan is that you would no longer need a MEST body and you could return to being an all powerful, immortal non-corporeal being. OT 8 is actually the first ‘real’ Operating Thetan level. Hubbard croaked, so everybody’s screwed. Thetans are immortal. Mesty meat bodies, no.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Found guilty on two counts on May 31, remanded to custody. Sentencing on Sep 7.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Trial scheduled for August 15.
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud.

Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Forced to arbitration. Plaintiffs allowed interlocutory appeal to Eleventh Circuit.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place at least through sentencing of Masterson on Sep 7.
Jane Doe 1 v. Scientology, David Miscavige, and Gavin Potter: Case unsealed and second amended complaint filed. Next hearing August 1.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Ordered to mediation.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Rizza Islam’s sisters plead no contest, leaving him last facing trial in Medi-Cal fraud case
[TWO years ago] Tom Cruise’s Scientology superpowers, No. 13: Communicating with anyone on any subject
[THREE years ago] Leaked Video: Scientology’s anti-psychiatry front talks strategy with psych professor
[FOUR years ago] TOM CRUISE CAUGHT ON TAPE: Saving face after a Scientology disaster
[FIVE years ago] Why Scientology is a haven for sexual abusers — it’s the way L. Ron Hubbard designed it
[SIX years ago] Hey, moneybags, Scientology has a bridge to sell you. Here’s the new price list!
[SEVEN years ago] The dapper CEO’s detailed response: Scientology wasn’t forced on disgruntled employee
[EIGHT years ago] Why no one should ever believe anything said by Scientology Sea Org or staff members
[NINE years ago] Jon Atack: Escaping the trap Scientology sets for the mind
[TEN years ago] PZ Myers Helps Us Plunder the Riches of L. Ron Hubbard’s Book of Scientology Evolution!
[TWELVE years ago] The Top 25 People Crippling Scientology, No. 24: David Touretzky


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 3,116 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,631 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 3,181 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 2,171 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 2,052 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,356 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 3,227 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,332 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,779 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 4,121 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,687 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,606 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,773 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,355 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,616 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,652 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,368 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,932 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,247 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,422 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,973 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 4,104 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,442 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,297 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,416 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,772 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 7,075 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 3,181 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,579 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,455 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 3,020 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,533 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,787 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,896 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on August 9, 2023 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2022 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2022), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


Tony Ortega at Rolling Stone


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