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‘WHOA’: Scientology selling ‘Total Immortality’ in slick new video!

Yes, once again we have another of Scientology’s newer promo videos that encourage members to pay for expensive upper-level “technology,” and this one is selling total immortality!

Previously, we showed you a promo for Scientology’s notorious “running program,” the Cause Resurgence Rundown. Then we had a slick video about getting auditor training that made use of good-looking models, not Scientologists. And that was followed by a promotion for removing your space cooties at home.

Today’s video encourages wealthy Scientologists to travel to the Flag Land Base at Clearwater, Florida and drop about a hundred grand on the L Rundowns!

We have always found the L Rundowns interesting for the simple fact that they are not actually required steps on the “Bridge to Total Freedom” that Scientologists obsessively climb in order to reach superhuman status. They’re optional, and wow, they have big price tags.


But what are they? Well, we have some fun answers for you. But first, let’s take a look at the words that are actually uttered and posted in the video…

Woman: Doing my Ls, I feel incredibly stabilized. This is exactly what I needed to do, and I had no idea I needed to do it.

Man 1: I was like, OK, I’m an executive, I want to do the Ls. I don’t know how to describe it — it’s like a beast. It’s like, gives you so much horsepower.

Man 2: And then so you shed things. You shed charge. You shed old things. And then suddenly you become just yourself. Not stuck in the body. But free to choose who you want to be, when you want to be, how you want to be. And you’re like, whoa, this is awesome!

Restraints Blown

Unlimited Reach

Total Immortality

Total immortality! That’s right, for the low price of a hundred grand, you to can live forever and forever. Or something.

But what is this stuff actually? Well, it requires auditors at the highest level to deliver this tech, and we happen to know someone who was a Class XII auditor and personally trained by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard — and that’s Karen de la Carriere!

She tells us that the L-11 Rundown (one of the three rundowns) is based on the case history of a particular person, the infamous Bruce Welch, who is known for going mental on the ship Apollo in the early 1970s.

If you’ve read Mike Rinder’s book, A Billion Years: My Escape from a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, you may remember that he describes being the poor wretch who was ordered to keep watch as Welch was held in his room, raving.

Karen says Welch was a “snipe” — an engine room guy — who had a meltdown and talked about wanting to kill the Commodore.

“He ran through the hallways of the cabin with a butcher knife yelling how many times he wanted to stab Hubbard,” Karen says. But after locking him in his room (which he trashed), an order came down not to offload him at the nearest port, which the crew wanted.

“Hubbard said he would fall into the hands of psychiatry, and we cannot allow that when we have the answers to the human mind.”


Karen says Hubbard and Welch wrote to each other instead, and in that correspondence they worked out his “evil purpose.” And this, Hubbard said, was the key to understanding his psychotic break.

So this communication with a madman, Karen says, forms the basis of the L-11 Rundown.

“The client has to locate an ‘implant to harm,’” she says. In other words, we wouldn’t normally want to hurt other people, but evil psychiatrists have managed to implant a desire to do so in our minds, and we need to locate it.

“When the client finds the implant to harm, it is ‘date/located.’ Following that the client is asked: What evil purpose do you have?”

Karen says once that’s done the person then “attests to a new life.”

Oh, ok.

“Basically, people are paying to handle a madman’s case,” she says. “You’re paying $100,000 to handle the case of a maniac.”

Gee, isn’t Scientology fun?


Technology Cocktail

“Were we to straighten out on its lower and middle strata the thinkingness of Man, he would have a chance to live. You would give that chance to a person dying in an automobile accident. You would give that chance to a dog; you would give the chance to breathe again and look at the sun to your deadliest enemy. Then why not give it to Man at large?” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1956




We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links as Danny faces a potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison. NOW WITH TRIAL INDEX.


THE PODCAST: How many have you heard?

— The Underground Bunker Podcast

[1] Marc Headley [2] Claire Headley [3] Jeffrey Augustine [4] Bruce Hines [5] Sunny Pereira [6] Pete Griffiths [7] Geoff Levin [8] Patty Moher [9] Marc Headley [10] Jefferson Hawkins [11] Michelle ‘Emma’ Ryan [12] Paulette Cooper [13] Jesse Prince [14] Mark Bunker [15] Jon Atack [16] Mirriam Francis [17] Bruce Hines on MSH

— SPECIAL: The best TV show on Scientology you never got to see

[1] Phil Jones [2] Derek Bloch [3] Carol Nyburg [4] Katrina Reyes [5] Jamie DeWolf

— SPECIAL: Your Proprietor’s updates on the Danny Masterson trial

[1] Sep 21 [2] Sep 28 [3] Oct 4 [4] Oct 10 [5] Oct 11: Day One [6] Oct 12: Day Two [7] Oct 13: Day Three [8] Oct 17: Day Four [9] Oct 18: Day Five [10] Oct 19: Day Six [11] Special interview with Chris Shelton, Oct 19 [12] Oct 20: Day Seven [13] Oct 21: Day Eight [14] First week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [15] Oct 24: Day Nine [16] Oct 25: Day Ten [17] Oct 27: Day Eleven [18] Oct 28: Day Twelve [19] Second week in review, with Jeffrey Augustine [20] Halloween special [21] Nov 2: Day Thirteen [22] Nov 3: Day Fourteen [23] Nov 4: Day Fifteen [24] Third week in review [25] Nov 5, Saturday special [26] Nov 6, Sunday special [27] Nov 7, Day Sixteen [28] Lisa Marie Presley breaking news [29] Nov 8, Day Seventeen [30] Nov 9, Day Eighteen [31] Nov 10, Day Nineteen



Source Code

“The technology we have, without any thought at all we can make the sane saner and the insane sane, and the breakthrough which exists here technically is so strong that it actually cuts though the normal protective mechanisms of the mind, wham, wham. And that the use of this material by any but a well organized, well disciplined group would be very fatal, quite lethal. And therefore we’re in the peculiar position now of not being able to export all the technology we have, because the areas into which we would export it, and the orgs into which we export it are insufficiently organized to be able to handle and control it.” — L. Ron Hubbard, January 18, 1971


Avast, Ye Mateys

“‘CHILDREN’: By FO No. 301 a Condition of non-existence is assigned to any member of the ships company that obstructs a child from doing his or her work, deprives the child of his possessions or his job. This applies to all cadets and Middies as well.” — The Commodore, January 18, 1971


Overheard in the FreeZone

“The ‘heaviness’ of the world’s problems and issues is held simply by the intentions of a few beings with which others are in agreement through ignorance and apathy driven by past experiences and little education in the realities of life. So how can we change this? Reality is agreement. The more agreement there is the more real something becomes. The MEST universe, for example, has more agreement than you can throw a stick at and it is certainly persisting and is more real to most people than their own beingness. The current agreement for the future for this planet is not of the best. It currently lies in irresponsibility and not-is-ness. The reality of an individual’s beingness is being buried in the enforced reality of MEST.”


Past is Prologue

1997: Jeff Jacobsen announced the second annual demonstration in Clearwater. “This year’s picket slogan will be ‘Stop Hurting People, Scientology.’ and have a candlelight memorial for Lisa McPherson. Clearwater is where Lisa McPherson died. It’s the church’s spiritual world headquarters. It’s where Dennis Erlich was locked in the basement of the Ft. Harrison Hotel. It’s where the church snuck into town under an assumed name and had projects to attack local media.”



Random Howdy

“I’ve already exteriorized three times today…without coffee!”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Mistrial declared November 30. Status conference scheduled January 10, retrial scheduled March 27.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Grand jury indictments include charges from an assault while in custody. Plea deadline scheduled for December 16.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff scheduled to time served with three years supervised release, restitution of $9.7 million.
Rizza Islam, Medi-Cal fraud: Trial scheduled for March 1 in Los Angeles
David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial hearing December 9.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Found guilty of criminal and civil contempt.

Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Complaint filed April 28 in Tampa federal court, Scientology moving to compel arbitration. Plaintiffs filed amended complaint on August 2. Hearing November 17 to argue the arbitration motions, awaiting ruling.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Selection of arbitrators underway. Next court hearing: February 2, 2023.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place at least through February 7.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Case settled ahead of scheduled Dec 6 trial.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: New trial ordered after appeals court overturned prior ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Leah Remini interviews one of the original online troublemakers: Andreas Heldal-Lund
[TWO years ago] Scientology nostalgia: Never-before-seen photos from a 2001 celebrity wankfest
[THREE years ago] Narconon whistleblower Lucas Catton puts out a new memoir about his Scientology nightmare
[FOUR years ago] Filmmakers tell us why they decided to help Scientology with its new TV network
[FIVE years ago] A new chapter for one of the best Scientology books of all time? Yes, and we have it!
[SIX years ago] Leah Remini has changed Scientology forever — which episode was your favorite?
[SEVEN years ago] Stalked in New Orleans cemetery: Scientology’s secretive defectors getting more open
[EIGHT years ago] VIDEO LEAK: See former Scientology official Marty Rathbun interrogated under oath
[NINE years ago] Jon Atack on Scientology’s fundamental feature: the thousand-yard stare
[TEN years ago] Blogging Dianetics, Part 3: The Meaning of Life!
[ELEVEN years ago] Scientology’s Goons: Intimidating a 71-Year-Old Missouri Grandmother


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,913 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,418 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,968 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,958 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,849 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 5,154 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 3,024 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 2,129 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,602 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,918 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,484 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,403 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,571 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 4,152 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,413 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,450 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,165 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,729 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 1,044 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,219 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,770 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,901 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,239 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 9,094 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,213 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,569 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,872 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,978 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,376 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,252 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,835 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,330 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,584 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,693 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on January 18, 2023 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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