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Jingle Bell Crock: LAPD cozies up to Scientology at its faux-Christmas shindig

[Scientology gives the LAPD a big check every year at holiday time]

“There was no Christ,” L. Ron Hubbard intoned during a 1968 lecture on the ship Apollo to his “Class VIII” students. And in earlier lectures, especially in 1953, just before Hubbard decided to create the first “Church of Scientology” corporation that December, Hubbard repeatedly hammers home the idea that you, an immortal being, created this universe out of boredom, and that the “god” concept is just a trick.

We mention that not because we are offended by that idea. We really don’t care that Hubbard was selling the notion that his students were fallen gods who could regain their omnipotent powers through his counseling, but each year we are generally astonished that Scientology tries to co-opt Christmas for its own uses, even though its founder is on record pointing out that Christ is just a figment of the imagination.

Not only does Scientology set up an elaborate “Winter Wonderland” display in Hollywood most years (it skipped a few not too long ago), but it also puts on elaborate stage presentations at its Hollywood Celebrity Centre and raises money for the Los Angeles Police Department’s “Police Activities League,” demonstrating the cozy relationship between the controversial church and a police force that has a long, checkered career of not doing its actual job and policing an organization that has been accused of decades of rampant crime.

We obtained evidence of the LAPD’s involvement in this year’s Scientology pseudo-Christmas shenanigans in a rather unusual way. It’s a short video that actress and producer Denice Duff posted to the Internet, in which, as she’s being mic’ed up for her own performance back stage, she’s trying to show her followers that her husband and daughter are on stage performing. When she attempts to show the monitor displaying the show, instead she catches two LAPD officers playing instruments in the revue. Here, take a look…



Well, isn’t that special. While the LAPD is supposed to be investigating a Scientologist actor who frequently took part in the Winter Wonderland productions in the past, Danny Masterson, for a series of violent rapes alleged by six different women, its officers are jamming holiday rock songs on the Celebrity Centre stage.

And you wonder why Scientology is never held to account for its long history of abuses and dirty tricks.


Leaked document of the day

From the Valley Org documents release comes this item.

In the Valley Org leak we found this “leadership survey” that contained some interesting and odd questions for the next budding Tommy Davis or something.


Leadership Survey


It is important not to seek or accept anyone’s advice in doing this survey.


Answer each one of the following questions truthfully for you.
(Check only one answer of each question below.)

1. Is policy to be
a. Followed, b. Interpreted, c. Ignored

2. In using a process should one
a. Apply it so it will work, b. Use it exactly, c. Redevelop it

3. When studying a bulletin should one
a. Get what he can use out of it, b. Adapt it to the pc, c. Learn to use it exactly.

4. In managing something is it better to
a. Follow laid down policies closely, b. Develop one’s own procedures, c. Be sensible

5. Has anyone ever really invented anything?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

6. Did you ever really cause anything?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Maybe


7. Can there be a single source for anything?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

8. Do you usually know about something before it happens?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

9. Do directions usually apply only to others?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

10. Do you ordinarily cause things that happen far away from you?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Maybe

11. Are people who say they have accomplished something when they have
a. Egotistical, b. Stupid, c. Honest

12. Did Thomas Edison invent the electric light bulb
a. Personally, b. As a member of a team, c. By copying older inventions

13. Should the head of a government rule
a. Single-handedly, b. As a member of a council, c. By the will of the people


14. Which one of the following would most help a student?
a. The Instructor’s brilliance, b. The Instructor’s helpfulness, c. The Instructor’s insistence

15. Would a preclear be most helped by
a. The auditor’s agreeableness, b. The auditor’s cleverness, c. The auditor’s commands

16. In finding out how to handle a new washing machine, would you
a. Read the directions, b. Figure it out yourself, c. Get somebody else to do it

17. Is it necessary to have anyone in charge?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

18. Have you ever pretended you invented something when you didn’t?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

19. Is Scientology
a. Very old, b. New, c. Uncertain

20. Is it possible that Scientology was known to Christ?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain


21. When a preclear recovers because of processing, what was the true source of the recovery?
a. The auditor, b. The preclear, c. Scientology, d. LRH

22. Is it necessary to understand why something works to make it work?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

23. Is telepathy a factor in the development of another’s ideas?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Probably Not

24. Where did Scientology really come from?
a. Many people, b. LRH, c. Older knowledge

25. Is it better to
a. Do Scientology, b. Improve Scientology, c. Find your way carefully

26. In applying a definite policy should one
a. Use good sense, b. Apply it exactly, c. Improve it if possible

27. Would it be easier to promote to others if one said Scientology developments were
a. The product of a team, b. Developed with your help, c. Done by LRH, d. Already known


28. Would it be harmful to follow good policy exactly?
a. Yes, b. Maybe, c. No

29. Is discipline necessary?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

30. Should punishment ever be used?
a. Yes, b. No, c. Uncertain

“The right answers are all along the line of ‘apply it exactly’,” says Sunny Pereira, our tech expert. “‘Be sensible’ is always the wrong answer.

“You have to have a high score to be posted as an executive in any org. It’s also one of the four tests taken for fitness boards, which are supposed to be done on incoming and leaving staff.”

Sunny provided us with this answer key, but she was unsure about a few of them. Can one of our oldtimers help?

“1 a, 2 b, 3 c, 4a, 5?, 6a, 7a, 8?, 9 b, 10a, 11c, 12a, 13b, 14c, 15c, 16a, 17a, 18?, 19b, 20b, 21c, 22b, 23?, 24b, 25a, 26b, 27c, 28c, 29a, 30a.”


Source Code

“These things called ‘universes’ are games. And really the most valuable thing that a thetan possesses is his spirit of play. His spirit of play is sensation of play, and is not just energy. It’s a tremendous sensation. A guy has practically lost it if he’s here on Earth at all. Spirit of Play. It’s tremendous: he’s depending on all sorts of the soggiest, low tone scale emotions imaginable in order to get any sensation. In substitute for what? Spirit of Play. For instance, sex is, boy, that’s about eighth-rate as an emotion. It is just dull, incalculably dull compared to the rapidity, randomity and actual sensation of the Spirit of Play. It’s way up there. And you couldn’t possibly think that anybody could be serious and win through this universe. The more serious they get — 1.5 is real serious — why, of course, the more serious they get the more they have to do things by flows, and the acre they have to agree and the more they have to follow the rules, and the more broken the piece becomes.” — L. Ron Hubbard, December 9, 1952


Overheard in the FreeZone

“When and if corporate Scientology will implode, and the even bigger unknown, how? In my craziest ‘conspiracy theory’ mind, I can see a path where they will not actually fold up. I can fairly easily envision a marry-up of Black Dianetics, Psychiatry, and the oligarchy which currently rules my country, the USA. In fact I can already see progression in that direction. Doesn’t have to go that way, but that would be my proposal for Conditional Target #1. Even if most Conditional Targets are wrong, it’s better than the current program which is mostly, ‘Wait and See.'”


Random Howdy

“Miscavige has billions at his disposal and he has thousands of lackeys and soldiers to order around. He’s the Teflon Pope.”


Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[Alanna Masterson, Terry Jastrow, and Marisol Nichols]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] David Miscavige will be in Africa on New Year’s Day to mark an actual Scientology expansion
[TWO years ago] DID BOB BLOW? Evidence that Scientology may have lost its biggest donor of all time
[THREE years ago] Disconnection, neglect, and suicide: Scientology, it’s even worse than you think
[FOUR years ago] Document leak: When the FBI investigated Scientology’s bizarre New Mexico vault
[FIVE years ago] Scientology ambush! Another crazy encounter, this time with Marc Headley at Int Base
[SIX years ago] Scientology asks for psychiatric examination of Laura DeCrescenzo in forced-abortion lawsuit
[SEVEN years ago] Sunday Funnies: Scientology Needs Your Cash!
[EIGHT years ago] SMERSH, Scientology Breakthroughs, and a Funeral: Sailing on the Apollo, Dec 4 – 10


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,653 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,782 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,286 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,806 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 826 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 717 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,024 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,892 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,666 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,440 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,786 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,352 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,271 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,439 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,020 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,281 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,319 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 2,032 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,558 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 1,084 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,647 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,787 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 3,107 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 7,963 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 3,082 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,437 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,740 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,846 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,248 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 2,120 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,703 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,198 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,452 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,561 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on December 9, 2019 at 07:00

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Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2018 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2018), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 14 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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