We’ve cooked up for you a special Scientology Thanksgiving — so pass the Source!

Here in the United States, we’re celebrating Thanksgiving today, and at the Underground Bunker we sure have a lot to be thankful for this year.

For example, we’re just coming off of Leah Remini’s second season of Scientology and the Aftermath, and its final “special” episode was a real pre-holiday treat for us. It featured author Russell Miller and former Scientologist Hana Whitfield debunking the myths of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

As usual, Leah’s show prompted a lot of questions from the public on social media. And we managed to stun some of the newcomers by describing some of Hubbard’s most outrageous embellishments about himself.

And that got us to thinking. Sure, it was great to see Russell and Hana talk about Hubbard, but really, there just isn’t anything like hearing from the Commodore himself!

And that’s our roundabout way of telling you that for your holiday enjoyment we have a piping-hot serving of L. Ron Hubbard goodness to spice up your Turkey Day.

What we’ve done is take a Fair Use excerpt out of a 1960 lecture that Hubbard gave in Washington D.C. as part of his “State of Man Congress,” and put titles on it so you can read along. (And a full transcript is also included.)

In this lecture, “Create and Confront,” Hubbard tells a cold-blooded and factual account of where you were some 20 to 40 thousand years ago, which was living in something called the Marcab Confederacy, headquartered on a planet orbiting the star Alkaid, which makes up the end of the Big Dipper’s handle!

You don’t remember it? Well, you will. At least if you get some Scientology auditing and start exploring your “whole track” of existence. You see, Scientology teaches that we are each immortal beings called “thetans” which are trillions of years old, but something called the “reactive mind” prevents us from remembering the countless previous lives we’ve led in various parts of the universe. Only L. Ron Hubbard’s counseling “technology” can help you remember who you were and where you’ve been. And as his counselors do that work, Hubbard says that people tend to recover certain memories over and over again.

“You’ll remember this sooner or later,” he says in this lecture, informing you that you were once part of a civilization so advanced, its medical doctors could replace just about any part of you that wore out until you were more or less a cyborg. In fact, they were so good at it, you had to make an effort to end your life.

And one way that people in the Marcab Confederacy did that was by racing cars on a race track booby-trapped with atomic bombs.

Hubbard remembers that he himself set speed records numerous times at the racetrack between 19 and 40 thousand years ago. And the funniest thing — as he came back in successive lives, he wouldn’t realize that the records he was breaking were his own.

How’s that for a holiday knee-slapper! Anyway, we thought you could use a laugh before your relatives come over.

Just try to not to think too hard about the fact that people who actually heard this lecture still gave this organization their life savings and their children for safekeeping.

And before someone tries to claim that this is obsolete material that Scientologists no longer consider “scripture,” this lecture is still available for sale and something that Scientologists must take seriously as coming from “Source,” their name for Hubbard. So buckle your seat belts and prepare to take a spin around the track.

 
And here’s the transcript…

This business of running into the repeating identity is, of course, one of the more amusing phenomena. It’s a phenomenon of – that’s broke more hearts.

You keep trying to beat your own record, you know? I was mentioning this racetrack. It was about nineteen thousand years ago, twenty thousand, thirty thousand, forty thousand, In the Marcab Confederacy they had a race-track. And you were probably there. And you either have attended its races or had something to do with it, because you find it on most cases.

There’s one 1216 B.C, that shows up on any case – the Brotherhood of the Snake. 1216 B.C. It shows up on any case. Well, evidently, this other one is the same breed of cat. Almost anybody going through Marcab Confederacy sooner or later got mixed up with the racetracks.

They had turbine-generated cars that went about 275 miles an hour. They ran with a high whine. I notice they’ve just now invented the motor again. And they had tracks that were booby-trapped with atom bombs, and they had side bypasses. The tracks were mined, and the grandstands were leaded-paned. And the audience – it got to be kind of a “no audience.” You never could see the audience.

And oh, they had loose-sand sections and they had slick-oil asphalt and they had ice sections and loose gravel. Any kind of hazards you could think of. A mountain that you went up to the top of and fell off; you know?

And just – there were just more drivers killed. There was more blood pouring on that track, you see, all the time. I mean it was always goofed up. Ten, twelve thousand years, this was the favorite sport of the Marcab Confederacy, apparently.

If I’m restimulating you, okay. It’s not done intentionally. You’ll run into this sooner or later. You’ll wonder… You’ve probably often wondered what that needle-like pinging was in the back of your neck. Well, you probably wound up on the track some time or another as a driver or something of the sort.

Because nearly everybody, when he wanted to go to the devil, went to this track and became some part of its operating personnel, because it was the fastest ticket out in a society which absolutely insisted that you live!

The Marcab Confederacy’s medicine was so excellent that an individual just couldn’t die out of it. That was all. They would drag you back and fit an arm on, fit a leg on, fit a nose on, fit an eye in. They could give you artificial voices and artificial vision and artificial digestion and artificial everything else. The next thing you know, there wasn’t even an original part left including you, you see?

But there was always a road out, you know. You could… If there was too much peace, and you couldn’t go to war and get yourself killed, you could always get involved with something like the racetrack, you see? That was a sure ticket out.

Well, one of these things of a repeating identity – this happened to me over a course of quite a while: I’d be doing something constructive, and so forth, and I’d go play hooky. Or I’d get tired of that particular body setup. I’d go play hooky, wind up down at the racetrack driving a car, you know? Just hooky, you know? This is a rough thing to do on people because it was awful hard on their equipment.

And just go in there and be the Silver Streak, you know? The Silver Streak. You know, so many laps in so many seconds, you know? Track record! Track record. I’d get bored with it and do what I went down there to do anyhow. Work it out in such a way that it really wasn’t my fault for knocking myself off, you see? And take one of these cars and wham it into the grandstand or some such place, see, and that’d be the end of that body. And nobody could argue with it, see? Medical science could do nothing after that. Go pick up another body or a doll or something like that and go on about my business and carry out the mission.

But after a while this got rather bad because – come down the track and I’d be the Red Comet, see, driving around. Get to walking in and out of the lobby, and I’d see this picture here of the Silver Streak. And I’d look at this, “Track record so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so. Aaah, who’s this guy,” you know?

And so before I used the track for the purpose it was intended, which was knocking off a mock-up, why, I’d get in there and, urrrr-rrooorn! you know, and managed to take a minute off of that time, you see? Manage to take this many laps off as the total endurance record, and.. Oh, they had races there that’d go for two weeks. You’d be driving for two weeks. They’d just keep doping you up. Needles hitting you in the back of your neck, you know, giving you new jolts. This is space opera. This is what this planet is in for. I mean, boy. And knock it off, you know?

I remember I got tired one time. Did have one overt act on the track – it was real bad – is I got tired of wondering whether or not there really was an audience back of those leaded panes. Took one of those tracks – cars, turned it at right angles, and threw it through one of the windows. There was an audience there.

So anyhow, a few lifetimes later, why, things would be going along pretty good, and the mock-up would be all patched up, and I’d think I was due for a new issue or something like that, and I’d wind up down at the racetrack. Total nom de plume identity – my own identity totally masked, you know, and go in there as the – the Green Rocket!

And as the Green Rocket, you know, be going errrr-vrooom! you know, that sort of thing. And one day walking through the lobby, “The Red Comet. The Silver Streak. Nyah, who are these bums? Track record so-and-so and so-and-so and leaped six cars. Six cars.”

And the Green Rocket, of course, would get a picture, posthumously: “One of the great drivers of all time who had leaped seven cars and had taken eight minutes off the track record,” you see?

I think in the course of about twenty-five hundred years there were an awful lot of pictures in there, but I had about sixteen of them.

I’d just keep going back and beating my own record, see? And I finally would just be exhausted, you know? You know, the Green Rocket. The Red Comet. The Silver Streak. You know? The Gold Bomb, you know? Oh! Whoo! How in the name – ’cause, you see, the equipment for eleven-twelve thousand years never changed one iota. Nothing was ever bettered. It was just ability, you see? It’d be pure, raw ability. As a matter of fact, the equipment was getting a little bit worse. And always beating your own record. You get down to a point finally where it isn’t possible. You just have to give up. Well, who defeated you?

Ah, the only reason I’m telling you this rather humorous anecdote is just to pound it home to you a little bit that you’re basically in competition with you.

 
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Your Proprietor on ‘Here Be Monsters’

Hey, this was a fun treat for us. We’re from LA, and to this day we still stream the sublime radio station KCRW to remind us of home. And if you listen to it, you are aware that Jeff Emtman has a really unique podcast at the station that he calls ‘Here Be Monsters.’ Well, Jeff was in New York recently, and we sat down with him to talk about one of Scientology’s odder entities. It’s a real thrill for us to be included on such a high-quality show.

 
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Chris Shelton has some really bad Scientology music for you!

Here’s your holiday cheese plate to go with today’s Thanksgiving meal. Says Chris: “Over the years, the Church of Scientology has produced many music videos and songs to inspire, electrify and fleece Scientologists out of their hard-earned money. This video from 2011 has never been leaked before and so as a holiday treat, here it is.”

 
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Posted by Tony Ortega on November 23, 2017 at 07:00

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Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2016 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2016), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | Scientology boasts about assistance from Google | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…
Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield