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Scientology scores major success with powerful new publicity effort

We don’t give Scientology enough credit. We never would have thought the church was savvy enough, or that it had such a good sense of humor about itself, that it could convince Second City Television to reunite for a killer satire of all things L. Ron Hubbard.

Wait, you’re telling us this isn’t SCTV? You’re telling us this is an actual show in Toronto, and that Scientology sent someone from the Toronto org to appear on it?

Well, um, that’s really something.

Special Underground Bunker badge to any reader who can actually get through this entire video. And please, tell the rest of us what’s in it. We were cringing so hard, we had to quit just a couple of minutes in.



Meanwhile, another item from one of our great tipsters…


A poignant night at Lowell Observatory


Your proprietor had a very fulfilling experience last night at Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona. We were part of a discussion about Robert Burnham Jr, as the observatory paid tribute to the man who had spent 21 years there as an astronomer, from 1958 to 1979.


From left to right, speakers included author William Sheehan, Lowell historian Kevin Schindler, Burnham’s niece Donna Courtney, your proprietor, and Lowell astronomer Brian Skiff.

We also got to meet some people who knew Burnham that we hadn’t spoken to before, as well as catching up with old friends like Wayne Johnson and Bernie Sanden.

If you get a chance to visit the observatory, please look for the new Burnham display in the Rotunda. It’s very well done.



Technology Cocktail

“When somebody enrols, consider he or she has joined up for the duration of the universe — never permit an “open-minded” approach. If they’re going to quit let them quit fast. If they enrolled, they’re aboard, and if they’re aboard, they’re here on the same terms as the rest of us—win or die in the attempt. Never let them be half-minded about being Scientologists. The finest organizations in history have been tough, dedicated organizations. Not one namby-pamby bunch of panty-waist dilettantes have ever made anything. It’s a tough universe. The social veneer makes it seem mild. But only the tigers survive—and even they have a hard time. We’ll survive because we are tough and are dedicated. When we do instruct somebody properly he becomes more and more tiger. When we instruct half-mindedly and are afraid to offend, scared to enforce, we don’t make students into good Scientologists and that lets everybody down. When Mrs. Pattycake comes to us to be taught, turn that wandering doubt in her eye into a fixed, dedicated glare and she’ll win and we’ll all win. Humour her and we all die a little. The proper instruction attitude is, ‘You’re here so you’re a Scientologist. Now we’re going to make you into an expert auditor no matter what happens. We’d rather have you dead than incapable.'” — L. Ron Hubbard, 1965


Now available: Bonus for our supporters

Episode 8 of the Underground Bunker podcast has been sent out to paid subscribers, and it’s a conversation with Patty Moher about her amazing career as a Scientology spy and then her years leaking great info about the church. Meanwhile, we’ve made episodes 1 through 7 available to everyone, with Geoff Levin on Scientology’s celebrities, Pete Griffiths on running a mission, Sunny Pereira dishing secrets of Scientology’s Hollywood Celebrity Centre, Bruce Hines on the crazy life in the Sea Org, Jeffrey Augustine on recent Scientology court cases, Claire Headley exposing Tom Cruise, and Marc Headley on what it must be like for David Miscavige living in Clearwater, Florida.. Go here to get the episodes!



Source Code

“The primary difference between Scientology and psychiatry is that psychiatry is authoritarian and tells the person what’s wrong with him, often introducing a new lie. Scientology finds out what’s wrong with the person from the person. And then knows more about it than the person, but listens anyway. Listening is the badge of superior knowledge. He who has superior knowledge is privileged to listen. It’s only he who has no superior knowledge that talks all the time — Confucius. Now you got these maxims, and pearls of wisdom? In actual fact, with that data you could go straight out and evolve all of Scientology, just like that. It’s remarkable, isn’t it? But, you mustn’t in actual fact discount — just because it’s discounted to the PC — you mustn’t discount the backbone and body of knowledge of Scientology. Soon as you tell somebody that he’s lived for the last thirty trillion years — of course, thirty trillion years is a drop in the bucket — soon as you tell somebody he’s lived the last thirty trillion years, and so on, he’s liable to be hit with a feeling of unreality.” — L. Ron Hubbard, August 14, 1963


Avast, Ye Mateys

“There is some evidence that the ‘World Bank’ is using nationalism to seize the assets of the world. The cycle is evidently promoted riots, a currency scare, a huge saving loan from the WB or its branches and then that country gradually nationalizing private assets to meet interest and payments. It’s quite the drill. Their support of psychiatry gives their activities a flavour of attempted world dominion by mental-political-financial control. Easy seizure of anyone and his disablement or death would take care of all objectors, national dependency takes care of political control and puts a control on all assets of the world. Sounds crazy and of course it is. But this is Smersh at work. The only real danger is that the World Bank considers itself also senior to God.” — The Commodore, August 14, 1969


Overheard in the FreeZone

“In 1971 I read Science of Survival. This book appealed to me having just arrived in the United States after getting my ass kicked from one end of Vietnam to the other. I read half of the book and was in a bar one night when I noticed one young girl sitting by herself dressed in a ‘granny’ outfit. she even looked like she was 80 years old. I sat down across from her and gave her a command ‘When I snap my fingers, give me a year!’ I snapped and she blurted out 1898! ‘Give me a month!’ She said ‘February!’ ‘Give me a Date!’ She blurted again ‘The 25th’ and all of a sudden she stood up and held her face. She ran into the bathroom. She came out twenty minutes later. I almost didn’t recognize her. She came up to me and scolded me ‘What did you do to me?’ I said ‘Dianetics!’ She chilled out but spun on her foot and walked out. But she was in valence, I can tell you. I did several more of those dating actions on more people, but with their permission this time. They all went great. Some guys shook my hand and others thanked me. To this day I can Date/Locate like Michael Jordan can slam-dunk.”


Past is Prologue


2000: Jeff Jacobsen spoke before Clearwater’s City Council this week. “I didn’t know how far Scientology’s influence has spread in this community just from visiting once a year. But I’ve seen the influence now. Scientology gets away scot-free after the death of Lisa McPherson, while critics of Scientology are enjoined from even walking on certain sidewalks in Clearwater. A Scientologist hits a critic’s video camera with a hammer and the police do nothing. A picketer is assaulted not once but twice by a Scientologist, and despite the assaults being on video tape from different angles, the Scientologist is not arrested. Just a few weeks ago a German official from Hamburg came to town. I was at the airport when about 30 Scientologists greeted her with shouts of ‘Nazi Go Home!’ and attempted to manhandle her. I was there when the Scientology attorney came demanding that she be deposed in a case she has nothing to do with at the exact time she had already scheduled a news conference. Ms. Ursula Caberta has gone home after having been viciously treated by Scientology, and let me assure you that the European media,
starting with Der Spiegel, have already begun to paint Clearwater as German-hating and nuts. I suspect you are going to be seeing fewer German tourists around here now, thanks to the actions of Scientologists. Maybe when Europe’s tourists boycott our wonderful community, the hit in your pocketbooks might wake you up to reality.”


Random Howdy

“I believe that Miscavige is as much into it for the sadism as he is for the money. He’s a little man who hates the world and wants revenge on those who snickered behind his back and called him ‘asthmatic dwarf.’ He’ll stick around as long as he has a few punching bags left.”


Full Court Press: What we’re watching at the Underground Bunker

Criminal prosecutions:
Danny Masterson charged for raping three women: Trial scheduled for October 11, pretrial conference August 17.
‘Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’ (a/k/a Justin Craig), aggravated assault, plus drug charges: Last hearing was on January 18, referred to grand jury. Additional charges also referred to grand jury after January 5 assault while in jail.
Jay and Jeff Spina, Medicare fraud: Jay sentenced to 9 years in prison. Jeff’s sentencing to be scheduled.
Rizza Islam and other family members, Medi-Cal fraud: Readiness hearing scheduled for August 22 in Los Angeles

David Gentile, GPB Capital, fraud: Next pretrial conference set for September 19.
Yanti Mike Greene, Scientology private eye accused of contempt of court: Found guilty of criminal and civil contempt.

Civil litigation:
Baxter, Baxter, and Paris v. Scientology, alleging labor trafficking: Complaint filed April 28 in Tampa federal court, Scientology moving to compel arbitration. Plaintiffs filing amended complaint on August 2.
Valerie Haney v. Scientology: Forced to ‘religious arbitration.’ Selection of arbitrators underway. Next court hearing: February 2, 2023.
Chrissie Bixler et al. v. Scientology and Danny Masterson: Appellate court removes requirement of arbitration on January 19, case remanded back to Superior Court. Stay in place, next status hearing October 25. Scientology petitioning US Supreme Court over appellate ruling.
Brian Statler Sr v. City of Inglewood: Third amended complaint filed, trial set for December 6.
Author Steve Cannane defamation trial: New trial ordered after appeals court overturned prior ruling.
Chiropractors Steve Peyroux and Brent Detelich, stem cell fraud: Lawsuit filed by the FTC and state of Georgia in August, now in discovery phase.



We first broke the news of the LAPD’s investigation of Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson on rape allegations in 2017, and we’ve been covering the story every step of the way since then. At this page we’ve collected our most important links, including our four days in Los Angeles covering the preliminary hearing and its ruling, which has Danny facing trial and the potential sentence of 45 years to life in prison.


After the success of their double-Emmy-winning, three-season A&E series ‘Scientology and the Aftermath,’ Leah Remini and Mike Rinder continue the conversation on their podcast, ‘Scientology: Fair Game.’ We’ve created a landing page where you can hear all of the episodes so far.


An episode-by-episode guide to Leah Remini’s three-season, double-Emmy winning series that changed everything for Scientology watching. Originally aired from 2016 to 2019 on the A&E network, and now on Netflix.


Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Other links: SCIENTOLOGY BLACK OPS: Tom Cruise and dirty tricks. Scientology’s Ideal Orgs, from one end of the planet to the other. Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society. Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in a weekly series. How many have you read?


[ONE year ago] Tom Cruise’s Scientology superpowers, No. 10: Drying out from space coke
[TWO years ago] Faces of the Sea Org: Rare look at Scientology workers indentured for a billion years
[FOUR years ago] Whale watching: Your 2018 mid-year guide to who’s keeping Scientology alive
[FIVE years ago] Fair Play: Before Leah Remini takes another whack, here’s a word from Scientology itself
[SIX years ago] Got a Purple Heart? Scientology wants to exploit you
[SEVEN years ago] Florida rejects complaint over Scientology ‘disconnection,’ but Brian Sheen unbowed
[EIGHT years ago] Kate Bornstein kicks cancer’s ass
[NINE years ago] Episcopal Church Objects to Being Included in Supreme Court Brief Supporting Scientology
[TEN years ago] Narconon Not Scientology? Then Why Is Its Leader in the Church’s Concentration Camp?


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley (1952-2019) did not see his daughter Stephanie in his final 5,667 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 2,756 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 3,261 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 2,811 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 1,801 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 1,692 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 4,997 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 2,867 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 3,641 days.
Doug Kramer has not seen his parents Linda and Norm in 1,972 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 4,445 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 3,761 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 12,327 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 8,246 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 4,414 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 3,994 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 4,256 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 3,292 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 3,007 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 2,532 days.
Julian Wain has not seen his brother Joseph or mother Susan in 887 days.
Charley Updegrove has not seen his son Toby in 2,062 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 6,613 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 3,762 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 4,082 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 8,937 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 4,056 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 2,412 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 6,715 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 2,821 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 3,219 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 3,095 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 2,678 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 3,173 days.
Mary Jane Barry has not seen her daughter Samantha in 3,427 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 14,536 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on August 14, 2022 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2021 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2021), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, 15 years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


Tony Ortega at The Daily Beast


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