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Justin Bieber in the octagon? Why he couldn’t handle Tom Cruise’s Scientology powers

[Newsweek won the competition for best Justin Bieber-Tom Cruise comparison with this shot]

Yesterday, the dumbest news story in our stupid era broke out and naturally the media fell all over itself covering it. In a Sunday night tweet, Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber, 25, challenged Tom Cruise, 56, to a fight “in the octagon,” and no one really knows why.


UFC champ Conor McGregor responded by offering to put on the fight, and to beat the crap out of actor Mark Wahlberg on the undercard.

That’s all a lot of fun and silliness, and who knows if these clowns will end up putting on some kind of fake event to please the masses. Because there’s no way Justin Bieber could really get into a ring with Tom Cruise, not with Tom’s Scientology super powers that he’s honed as a member of the organization since 1986.

Let’s go through them.

1. The stare. First of all, like all good Scientologists, Tom Cruise has gone through countless staring exercises lasting literally hundreds of hours over his long Scientology career until he is able to hold his gaze unerringly and intimidate the hell out of a lightweight kid from Ontario.


Why is staring such a big part of Scientology? A good explanation is never given, except that it’s the first of many parlor tricks that founder L. Ron Hubbard put new recruits through to make them more pliable and suggestible. Watch Tom stare long enough, and you begin to realize there’s just nothing going on upstairs.

2. Shattering suppression. Another somewhat introductory experience that all Scientologists go through is the “PTS/SP” course where they learn to “confront and shatter suppression” for about $1,500.

This enables Scientologists to confront and neutralize people the Church of Scientology considers enemies — also known as “suppressive persons” — and Bieber qualifies as an SP at least for the music he puts out, if not for trying to get Tom Cruise into a fistfight.

“I just got through that tech, and it’s literally… it’s not how to run from an SP. It’s PTS/SP, how to shatter suppression, confront and shatter suppression. You apply it, and it’s like, boom,” Tom said in his infamous 9-minute video taped in 2004 that was leaked in 2008.

Do you hear that, Justin? “Boom.”

3. Tom is purified. Like all good Scientologists, Cruise has subjected himself to the “Purification Rundown,” cleansing not only his body but also his trillion-years-old inner being, known in Scientology jargon as a “thetan.” This is accomplished through a month-long program or longer, consisting mainly of ungodly amounts of time sitting in a sauna while ingesting toxic amounts of useless vitamins. It’s quack medicine, sure, but it gives Cruise the belief that his body is free of toxins, and could withstand anything thrown by a pipsqueak pop singer.

4. Whole Track conditioning. Tom has been through Operating Thetan Level Two, the most esoteric of all the OT levels (yes, even wilder than the more famous OT 3, featuring Xenu the galactic overlord). It’s on OT 2 that Scientologists learn to grapple with booby-traps laid into their “Whole Track” of existence going back trillions, even thousands of trillions of years ago by evil psychiatrists from the Planet Farsec.

We are not making this up. Some of the “goals problem mass” mental implants that Tom would have had to confront and shatter from his own Whole Track would include the “Big Being” GPM (put into our Whole Tracks 16,780 trillion years ago), the “House” GPM (40,029 trillion), the “Banky” GPM (217 trillion), and the “Forerunner” GPM (222 trillion), just to name a few.

After Tom has confronted and wiped out the mental traps placed in his past by evil psychiatrists across the galaxy, what’s a scrawny kid like Justin going to do to him? Nothing, that’s what.

5. Cause over Matter, Energy, Space, and Time. In the infamous 2004 video (leaked in 2008) that celebrated Tom, the Scientology announcer can be heard to say that the actor has completed OT 7. Any Scientologist who gets that high on the Bridge to Total Freedom would be under a lot of pressure to go ahead and complete the highest auditing level, OT 8, which can only be accomplished on Scientology’s private cruise ship, the Freewinds.

We have not yet seen any evidence that Tom has completed OT 8, but it’s likely. And if he has, that means he is an “Operating Thetan” with “cause over matter, energy, space, and time.” In other words, with a thought he could crush Justin Bieber — and he could do so without even leaving his home. OT 8s famously have the ability to leave their bodies, travel across space and time, and then affect matter with simply a thought.

In a 1963 lecture, Hubbard explained that our OT powers had been stolen away because we’d gotten too powerful — if we’d wanted to, we could literally grab a planet and shake the “meat bodies” off of it, committing genocide with a flick of the wrist.

The purpose of Scientology is to regain those godlike powers and achieve the state of “Operating Thetan.”

Tom Cruise is there. And so you can see that it would simply be folly for Justin Bieber to get into the ring with such a godlike thetan and Big Being.

It would be an awful spectacle. Think of the children.


HowdyCon 2019 in Los Angeles

THURSDAY NIGHT OPPORTUNITY: This year’s HowdyCon is in Los Angeles. People tend to come in starting on Thursday, and that evening we will have a casual get-together at a watering hole. But we also want to point out that Cathy Schenkelberg’s “Squeeze My Cans” will be running at the Hollywood Fringe, and we encourage HowdyCon attendees to see her show on Thursday night, June 20. Tickets and more dates available here.

Friday night June 21 we will be having an event in a theater (like we did on Saturday night last year in Chicago). There will not be a charge to attend this event, but if you want to attend, you need to RSVP with your proprietor at tonyo94 AT gmail.

On Saturday, we are joining forces with Janis Gillham Grady, who is having a reunion in honor of the late Bill Franks. Originally, we thought this event might take place in Riverside, but instead it’s in the Los Angeles area. If you wish to attend the reunion, you will need to RSVP with Janis (janisgrady AT gmail), and there will be a small contribution she’s asking for in order to help cover her costs.

HOTEL: Janis tells us she’s worked out a deal with Hampton Inn and Suites, at 7501 North Glenoaks Blvd, Burbank, (818) 768-1106. We have a $159 nightly rate for June 19 to 22. Note: You need to ask for the “family reunion” special rate.



Scientology’s celebrities, ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and more!

[The Big Three: Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley]

We’ve been building landing pages about David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, including celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs,’ and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about them. Head on over and help us with links and photos and comments.

Scientology’s celebrities, from A to Z! Find your favorite Hubbardite celeb at this index page — or suggest someone to add to the list!

Scientology’s ‘Ideal Orgs,’ from one end of the planet to the other! Help us build up pages about each these worldwide locations!

Scientology’s sneaky front groups, spreading the good news about L. Ron Hubbard while pretending to benefit society!

Scientology Lit: Books reviewed or excerpted in our weekly series. How many have you read?



[ONE year ago] When Scientology keeps a mother from her child in the ER: Lori Hodgson’s story
[TWO years ago] Neil Gaiman’s sis begs her fellow Scientologists to donate to an already funded building
[THREE years ago] BILLBOARD 2.0 — Phil and Willie Jones set their sights on Scientology’s mecca in Florida
[FOUR years ago] Augustine: How L. Ron Hubbard devised Scientology’s most diabolical legal mechanisms
[SIX years ago] Precious Bodily Fluids: Scientology and the Purification Rundown


Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,474 days.
Valerie Haney has not seen her mother Lynne in 1,603 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 2,107 days
Sylvia Wagner DeWall has not seen her brother Randy in 1,627 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 647 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 538 days.
Christie Collbran has not seen her mother Liz King in 3,845 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,713 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,487 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 3,261 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,607 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 11,173 days.
Melissa Paris has not seen her father Jean-Francois in 7,093 days.
Valeska Paris has not seen her brother Raphael in 3,260 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 2,841 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 3,102 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 2,141 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,853 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,379 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,468 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,608 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,928 days.
Roger Weller has not seen his daughter Alyssa in 7,784 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,903 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 1,258 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,561 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,667 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 2,069 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,941 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,524 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 2,019 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 2,273 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,382 days.


Posted by Tony Ortega on June 11, 2019 at 07:00

E-mail tips to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We also post updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our new book with Paulette Cooper, Battlefield Scientology: Exposing L. Ron Hubbard’s dangerous ‘religion’ is now on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. Our book about Paulette, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2018 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Underground Bunker (2012-2018), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Other links: BLOGGING DIANETICS: Reading Scientology’s founding text cover to cover | UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists | GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice | SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts | Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Watch our short videos that explain Scientology’s controversies in three minutes or less…

Check your whale level at our dedicated page for status updates, or join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news | Battling Babe-Hounds: Ross Jeffries v. R. Don Steele


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