Scientology ‘disconnection’ and the incalculable damage it does to children

 
This photo shows the day my mom disconnected from me.

My parents literally had a shotgun wedding. My mom was pregnant with my brother, my dad refused to marry her. My grandmother forced them to marry, literally, with a shotgun. Yeah, that’s Texas for you.

My mom became a Scientologist at the Austin Org in 1969. She had my brother in early 1970, then she was pregnant with me while she was on staff there. She had not told me much about this time period, but she did tell me two things: She always wanted a daughter and had decided that she would keep having kids until she had a daughter (There is just my older brother and myself, her two kids), and she also told me that I made her miss Yvonne Jentzsch’s speech (my fault) because she went into labor with me the night that Yvonne was at the Austin Org speaking.

Their marriage was tumultuous to say the least. He was also on staff. My mom allowed my dad to believe that he was not my dad, and another org staff member was. There was much fighting between them and he eventually ended up leaving the marriage and Scientology, getting “SP declared” (Scientology’s version of excommunication) in the process. That was in 1975.

Although disconnection was not as enforced back then, we were still disconnected from my dad. He would, however, invite my brother for visits for brief periods. I was never invited, and I didn’t know why (I found out in 2009 that he thought I was not his child; a DNA test proved he was my dad).

This photo was taken the day my mom was packing up to leave for the Sea Org. She had finally gotten herself free of her husband, who was the only thing stopping her from joining. She packed up that car and drove three states to Los Angeles, to join the Sea Org at ASHO. I was 3 years old, my brother was 5. From that day, my brother became, by default, my parent.

I’ve told my friends many times that I was a rebellious teenager by the time I was 5. That is true. I spent a lot of time and effort trying to get the attention and affection of my mother, which she just did not respond to. Maybe there was a bit of Benjamin Button phenomena, where it was never the right time for either of us, except one moment, and in that moment, we were on opposite sides of the U.S., who knows?

I had been going through some Sea Org documents about children with Tony and discovered, to my horror, that my mother was in fact in charge of childcare during those early years. I had thought for so long that she just left me there. No, she knew about the squalid and horrible conditions and was the one responsible for correcting it. She was unable to, and ended up moving on to another post, Missionaire, which took her completely physically out of our lives, as she was sent all over the world to fix failing orgs. She knew intimately and exactly the squalid conditions she was leaving us in.

Meanwhile my brother was trying to help me, and trying to be a loving family member. Thankfully we have, for the most part, been close, extremely close. Despite everything.

Many years later, in the 1990s while I was working at Scientology’s Hollywood Celebrity Centre, incredibly, my mom was too. It was a rare time we saw each other occasionally. She told me she was planning to visit our family, and asked if I could do her sec check (security interrogation) so she could go. (To go on vacation you need to get a sec check to make sure you are not planning to “blow” — Scientology’s word for escape.) Yeah, I should have refused to do it. But I agreed. I had to study her files to audit her. What an awful, terrible idea to do that. I won’t say much about it, but I will tell you that what I saw convinced me absolutely and unquestionably that it was not in my head, she just did not love me, and it had been going on from when I was a very, very young child.

I still had to sec check her, because I said I would. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, to keep a straight, smiling face while doing these sessions. But I did. But it was over for me right then and there. Something turned in me. She was definitely, unquestionably, no longer a parent to me.

It would be another 10 plus years before I would get SP declared. I saw my mom occasionally through those years, but I was grown up and on my own by then. My encounters were brief, my conversations were petty. I could not connect with her. At all. There was one time when I had to get my first abortion, I did not have money for it. I borrowed it from a family member (without telling them what I needed it for). My mother became furious with me for “taking it outside of Scientology.” She explained that she would have gladly paid for the abortion and I did not need to involve non-Scientology family.

I have shown the documents on this, but I got SP declared in Feb 2004, yet I was still on PAC Base until mid May 2004, on decks, getting sec checked. (I recently found out from some people who were there back then that my SP declare issue was on notice boards and people still saw me around… probably confusing them). I spent those three months under 24/7 watch and deck work (heavy construction and cleaning) while finishing up a sec check that went nowhere because I wouldn’t tell those perverts anything… another story for another time.

Anyway, February to May of that last year I was there, my mom somehow had permission to visit me. She was actually the one who told me I was getting SP declared. She even begged me to show some change. I was surprised a little that she was trying. I think that last three months we had were the best of all of our years of terrible relationship.

Meanwhile, my brother, who I rarely talk about anywhere, has had things very, very rough. He has had four children. One lost to cancer, one lost to the Sea Org, and two he still has in his life. He has his wife, of course, but there are some things that one needs to confide in another person. I am it for him. He has not had a proper mother or father to be there for him either. He has toughed out some serious shit alone. I am saddened that I could not be there in the end when his child passed. Complicated disconnection aspect prevented it. But since then, we are very, very close. And we always will be. We have been through something together that is just indescribable.

My grandmother has repeatedly told my brother and I that she did not raise her daughter to be this way. We have not told her much about what we endured, but she has seen enough to know. Sadly, in this situation, we have no way of knowing really what of this is caused by Scientology, and what is just a parent who clearly never wanted to be one.

Since leaving Scientology, I have spent a lot of time wishing my mom was back in my life, but then at the same time, I remember that it has always been her choice. When I piece the whole story together, I feel like my brother and I have gotten along just fine without her. She chose her life. She is not trapped in the Sea Org. Financially, she could blow any time she wants to. She chooses to stay there.

This does not mean if she showed up at my house that I would not accept her back in my life. But I’m not holding my breath, and I am certainly not waiting for her any more. I waited for her from 1975 to 2017, when I said enough.

I guess you could say with my brother and I with our families, we have decided in a sense to start our families over again from us. We will be their parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, whatever we need to be to show them they are loved. And to be tough on them. And to let them grow physically and emotionally.

If our mom wants to come back and try to show love for this family, she will be welcomed. We don’t want explanations or excuses. Just start over. But again, I ain’t holding my breath anymore. Amen.

 
— Sunny Pereira

 
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Underground Bunker TV

Tuesday we premiered our new video series with a 90-second piece that asked the question, “How is ABCMouse helping Scientology stay in business?”

Yesterday, we followed that up with another video that asked another very specific question — about how the best selling drug in the world is helping to keep Scientology afloat. And today, we have another very short video for you that brings up an issue we’ve covered here before. We hope these vids will draw people back here to the Bunker to seek more information. Please help us get them out into the world!

 
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Scientology’s celebrities and ‘Ideal Orgs’ — our new project

We’ve started a new project, building landing pages about two of David Miscavige’s favorite playthings, his celebrities and his ‘Ideal Orgs.’ For the next several weeks, we’ll post a couple of pages each day, and we’re hoping you’ll join in and help us gather as much information as we can about each of them, in order to build a record and maintain a watch as Scientology continues its inexorable decline.

Previously, we posted pages for Anne Archer, the Portland, Oregon Ideal Org, Beck Hansen, Sydney, Australia, Catherine Bell, San Diego, California, Chick Corea, and Denver, Colorado, Elisabeth Moss and Nashville, Tennessee, Erika Christensen and Perth, Australia, Ethan Suplee and Tokyo, Japan. Yesterday it was Giovanni Ribisi and Sacramento, California.

Today it’s Greta Van Susteren and Las Vegas, Nevada!

 
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MEANWHILE, AT FACEBOOK…

 
Please join us at the Underground Bunker’s Facebook discussion group for more frivolity.

 
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Posted by Tony Ortega on September 20, 2018 at 07:00

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