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VIDEO: ‘Chicago Fire’ star Christian Stolte’s tribute to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard

If you were with us in Chicago for HowdyCon this weekend, you know that a real highlight was Chicago Fire star Christian Stolte’s appearance during our Saturday night event.

We’ve known Christian for several years, but he rarely speaks in public about his Scientology experience. For our attendees, he told a fascinating story about his work at Scientology’s Houston mission, and about how he eventually began to question his involvement.

As for so many people who get into Scientology, however, getting out came with a price — Christian eventually had a daughter with a woman who was heavily involved in the church, and after they broke up Christian despaired about keeping his daughter out of it.

All turned out well — not only did Christian’s daughter turn away from Scientology, but she eventually worked with former Scientology celeb Jason Beghe on the show Chicago PD.


So things are going well for Christian, and he had a special treat for us — a song he’d written about Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, making sure to take some inspiration from Hubbard’s infamous “Affirmations” writings.

The song was so good we asked him to sing it twice. Here’s his second performance of it from The Annoyance Theater on Saturday night (and thank you to Eivol Ekdal for the video)…


In 1911 in Tilden, Nebraska this son-of-a-bitch was born
Biggest goddamned liar in the world, it was amazing
Turns out he was adopted by the Blackfoot Indians
It was a blood ceremony
He was four

What did they see in this child?
What did they do that for?
He said, you don’t get rich writing science fiction
If you want to get rich, start a religion
And that’s just what he did
That’s just what that chee-chalking carnie barker did

You know I’m drinking lots of rum and popping pinks and greys
Oh I’m drinking lots of rum and popping pinks and greys
Pinks and greys

All men shall be my slaves
All women shall succumb to my charms
All mankind shall grovel at my feet
And not know why
Let’s sell these people a piece of blue sky
Let’s sell these people a piece of blue sky

Make money! Make more money!
Make others produce so as to make money!
However you get them in or why,
Just do it, just fucking do it
Because the only way you can control anybody is to lie to them
You can write that in your book in great big letters
The only way is to lie, you gotta lie

And that’s just what he did
That’s just what that chain-smoking charlatan did

Now I’m drinking lots of rum and popping pinks and greys
Oh I’m drinking lots of rum and popping pinks and greys
Pinks and greys

When will I get you ever?
There are no snakes at the bottom of your bed
Men’s chains they fall from you, your head is high

Let’s sell these people a piece of blue sky
Let’s sell these people a piece of blue sky
Let’s sell these people a piece of blue sky

Shorpy has collected photos from HowdyCon Chicago at a Google Photos site.


Erika Christensen makes the scene at Scientology front in NYC

We’ve been telling you for a long time about Queens dentist Bernard Fialkoff and his daughter Meghan, Scientology Freedom Award winners who have spent years infiltrating New York City’s schools to get L. Ron Hubbard’s quackery about drugs into the hands of children, and with the help of local politicians and the NYPD.

They landed a celeb at their recent annual gala — a very pregnant Erika Christensen, who has been pretty visible and active among church celebrities lately. But hey, when you’re talking about roping in kids for Scientology, every effort counts!



Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,157 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 1,760 days
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 303 days.
Geoff Levin has not seen his son Collin and daughter Savannah in 191 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,366 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,140 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 2,914 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,260 days.
Dylan Gill has not seen his father Russell in 10,826 days.
Mirriam Francis has not seen her brother Ben in 2,494 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,754 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,794 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,506 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 1,032 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,121 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,261 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,581 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,556 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 912 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,214 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,320 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 1,723 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,595 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,177 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 1,682 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,926 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 13,035 days.


3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on June 26, 2018 at 06:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2017 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2017), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our non-Scientology stories: Robert Burnham Jr., the man who inscribed the universe | Notorious alt-right inspiration Kevin MacDonald and his theories about Jewish DNA | The selling of the “Phoenix Lights” | Astronomer Harlow Shapley‘s FBI file | Sex, spies, and local TV news


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