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What Scientology TV should be about — but won’t dare to put on the air

[The Commodore]

With the news yesterday that Scientology TV is so imminent the church is having its videos tested on focus groups in Manhattan, we’re more anxious than ever to see what Scientology leader David Miscavige is going to put on the air, perhaps as early as this weekend.

But the focus group also confirmed one of our worst fears — that Scientology TV will be little more than “mystery sandwich” propaganda which we’re already quite used to from the church and its YouTube channel, the kind of stuff it’s been airing during Super Bowls the past five years, for example.

Those slick ads are designed to make viewers curious about Scientology without actually telling them anything concrete about it. And we have grave doubts that Scientology TV, the cable channel, will itself go anywhere near explaining what really happens in the Church of Scientology.

What the new network really ought to do is what we’re going to do here at the Bunker today, and that’s bring you even more of Scientology’s actual source material — the wonderful wacky metaphysics of L. Ron Hubbard.

We recently found a lecture of Hubbard’s that is pure gold for explaining the underpinnings of Scientology. It’s an early lecture, from 1952, and it’s not part of the confidential upper-level “OT” materials, so it’s not a secret. But it’s the kind of thing Scientologists aren’t supposed to talk about with outsiders, which is a shame. This is the stuff that is most fun about Scientology, and also makes you scratch your head that anyone ever took Hubbard very seriously.


The lecture is “Technique 88 and the Whole Track,” and knowing its historical context will add to its enjoyment. Remember that Hubbard had started things off in 1950 with his book Dianetics, a huge success that by 1951 had subsided as Hubbard experienced bankruptcy and a nasty divorce. In 1952, He was regrouping in Phoenix, having renamed his movement “Scientology.”

Dianetics had encouraged Hubbard’s readers to search for crucial memories during their time in the womb. Now, Scientology asked them to go back even farther in time, to recall traumatic experiences in their past lives. It turned out that we are all immortal beings, which Hubbard called “thetans,” and each of us has lived trillions of years — our “Whole Track” of existence. Only through Scientology’s counseling can we retrieve those memories of countless previous lives. By doing so, Hubbard says, the results are miraculous. Here, in this first Fair Use segment from the lecture, he tries to sell his listeners on just how universe-shaking his new counseling techniques have become, that through them you can become a god, and that all of civilization will be forever altered…


Without Scientology’s miraculous effects we are stuck here on Earth, which Hubbard explains is a prison planet and a pretty depressing place to be stuck after living for some 60 trillion years. It’s also a shame that we live such “conservative” lives where ashtrays, for example, have to be handed from one person to another. (Scientology will help you move ashtrays with just the power of your mind.)

Another example of what poor lives we lead: Our “tolerance band” is very narrow. Human beings can only exist in a narrow band of temperatures, for example, without clothes or shelter. Well, why not double that band of existence, Hubbard suggests.

In other words, Scientology literally offers super powers. And with those abilities, you’d at least be able to outrun the cops once in a while.


Hubbard then explains that as you audit other Scientologists on their way to “Clear” — who are known as “preclears” — you’ll run into a lot of different memories that people have of living past lives as “spacemen” and on other planets.

You will probably be perfectly conversant with this sort of thing after a while. Wild as it sounds for me to be standing here and telling you nonchalantly that about 12 million years ago… There are probably two or three people here in this room (about 80 people present) who, 10 or 12 million years ago, were sailing around, and there is at least one person in this room who has blown up a planet and killed everybody on it. That’s a fact. You needn’t laugh so hard.

In fact, Hubbard explains, it’s not even necessary for a Scientologist to believe that they’ve lived past lives as spacemen on other planets — the E-meter will reveal that anyway, whether the preclear believes it or not.

In order to explain that wild concept, Hubbard relates a specific, and somewhat disturbing, example…


In this woman’s example, you get to one of the bedrock concepts of Scientology — that your pain today is caused by an incident that happened perhaps millions of years ago in another part of the galaxy, and if you can only relive that event by resurrecting your past life experiences, you can make your aches and pains magically vanish.

In other words, Scientology was intended to be a sort of Space Age faith healing, and it promised space opera super powers right out of Hubbard’s career as a science fiction writer. It’s also endlessly fun, and it’s a shame the Church of Scientology is so shy about it.

If only Scientology TV had the guts to deliver this to the masses.


Jonny Jacobsen zeroes in on Scientology’s actual size

We’ve really been enjoying British journalist Jonny Jacobsen’s highly detailed plunge into Scientology’s membership claims, which he’s been putting together as part of a data-driven graduate school project.

Now, he’s wrapping up his series by looking at what the best estimates by former top church officials say about Scientology’s actual size, and we like the set of people he’s chosen for those final estimates — Mike Rinder, Jefferson Hawkins, Marc Headley, and Paul Burkhart.

We just hope that with Jonny’s series, other journalists can stop making reference to Scientology’s fanciful claims that it has millions of members around the world. It was never true. And it’s certainly not true today, as the organization continues to shrink.


Make your plans now!

Head over to our HowdyCon 2018 website to start making your travel plans!



Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,045 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 1,648 days
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 191 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,254 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,028 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 2,802 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,148 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,642 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,682 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,394 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 920 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 5,009 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,149 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,469 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,444 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 800 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,102 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,208 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 1,611 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,483 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,065 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 1,570 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,814 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 12,923 days.


3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on March 6, 2018 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2017 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2017), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ


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