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Scientology mag: Why aren’t you in Florida already dumping all that sweet cash?

 
We want to thank Rasha for sending us another new issue of Scientology’s Source magazine, which once again is doing its best to sell church members on the idea of going to Florida to spend gobs of money so they can attain “Super Power.”

Of course, Scientology publications are extremely repetitive, so there isn’t a whole lot new here. But we still get a kick out of seeing how Scientology is marketed to Scientologists, who are being hit up constantly for courses, donations, and by a dozen different magazines and a constant stream of events.

Let’s take a look at how Source is trying to break through that clutter and convince wealthy Scientologists to drop everything and come to the Flag Land Base in Clearwater, Florida for top-of-the-line services they can get nowhere else.

 

HOW MANY HOURS DID YOU DO ON THE SRD THIS WEEK?

The fact is, you can’t handle your present environment when your attention is stuck in countless past moments. Accidents, bad decisions, anxiety and confusion control your life when you’re out of present time. With every session on the Survival Rundown, you break the shackles of the physical universe holding you back.

When you’re in present time, you’re in control — and the Survival Rundown is the only way to get there. Day by day, reach a state Man never even knew existed in eons past: an entirely new level of survival. Get onto the Survival Rundown, get on an intensive schedule — and regain your infinity of future.

The Survival Rundown is a relatively low-level process that has subsumed and replaced what used to be known as the “objectives” on the “Bridge to Total Freedom.” Getting yourself in “present time” involves a grueling regimen of mindless exercises like touching walls and picking up bottles. You got a glimpse of the objectives in the move The Master when you saw Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Lancaster Dodd instructing Joaquin Phoenix’s Freddie Quell to go back and forth between a wall and a window in order to turn his brain to jello.

The SRD can be done at your local org, so we’ll put it to our former Scientologist experts — why spend the big bucks to get the SRD at Flag when you can do it more cheaply at home?

 

GENERATE AND CONTROL ENERGY AT WILL

Experience amazing technology never before seen in this society and age. A rundown so powerful, it can pull a thetan out of anything. You won’t just blow facsimiles and ridges. You’ll restore your innate power to generate your own energy and flows. It’s based on research in an area of the track that perdates this current planet by countless millennia. It’s an OT whole track objective process like no other. A Thetan Exterior process you can do in a body. Step up to cause.

The Cause Resurgence Rundown is literally just running around a pole. We’re not making that up. Originally a punishment that was designed to cause Sea Org members serious physical injury by having them run around a palm tree in the desert heat on sand until they dropped from exhaustion, wealthy Scientologists now pay thousands of dollars for the privilege to jog around a lighted column on the sixth floor of the Flag Building in Clearwater until they start to hallucinate or something.

Seriously. That’s all it is.

 

 
Even though Scientology makes use of nearby Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater for its annual L. Ron Hubbard Birthday event (this year scheduled for March 10), church leader David Miscavige’s latest fundraiser is about creating his own theater hall right next door to the Flag Building itself.

And of course, Scientology is still selling its Super Power experience in Clearwater, which takes place on the Flag Building’s futuristic fifth floor. We think the last guy in this sequence is getting a little oily and we’re all right with that…

 

 
Leann and Warren Myers are Gold Meritorious donors to the IAS slush fund, which means their donations over the years have totaled at least $1 million. But we can’t help enjoying the tag line here, which sounds like they’re really trying to convince themselves that it’s true: “We are making a difference. We are.”

 

 
Hey, this is one highly decorated cook. Those medals ought to make the next billion years fly by.

 

 
Thanks again, Rasha. We can hardly wait to pack our bags for a trip to Flag.

 
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Chris Shelton on Scientology’s “chaplains”

Chris reacted to our news about Danny Masterson yesterday by putting together a quick video specifically about one aspect of it — the bizarre way Scientology tried to handle Victim B’s allegations by having her meet with Masterson himself in a disastrous confrontation.

 

 
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Make your plans now!

Head over to our HowdyCon 2018 website to start making your travel plans!

Update: Friday is Fly Day at HowdyCon! Our resident winged insect can only be at our meetup on one day, so you don’t want to miss it.

 

 
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Scientology disconnection, a reminder

Bernie Headley has not seen his daughter Stephanie in 5,026 days.
Katrina Reyes has not seen her mother Yelena in 1,629 days
Brian Sheen has not seen his grandson Leo in 172 days.
Clarissa Adams has not seen her parents Walter and Irmin Huber in 1,235 days.
Carol Nyburg has not seen her daughter Nancy in 2,009 days.
Jamie Sorrentini Lugli has not seen her father Irving in 2,783 days.
Quailynn McDaniel has not seen her brother Sean in 2,129 days.
Claudio and Renata Lugli have not seen their son Flavio in 2,623 days.
Sara Goldberg has not seen her daughter Ashley in 1,663 days.
Lori Hodgson has not seen her son Jeremy and daughter Jessica in 1,375 days.
Marie Bilheimer has not seen her mother June in 901 days.
Joe Reaiche has not seen his daughter Alanna Masterson in 4,990 days
Derek Bloch has not seen his father Darren in 2,130 days.
Cindy Plahuta has not seen her daughter Kara in 2,450 days.
Claire Headley has not seen her mother Gen in 2,425 days.
Ramana Dienes-Browning has not seen her mother Jancis in 781 days.
Mike Rinder has not seen his son Benjamin and daughter Taryn in 5,083 days.
Brian Sheen has not seen his daughter Spring in 1,189 days.
Skip Young has not seen his daughters Megan and Alexis in 1,592 days.
Mary Kahn has not seen her son Sammy in 1,464 days.
Lois Reisdorf has not seen her son Craig in 1,046 days.
Phil and Willie Jones have not seen their son Mike and daughter Emily in 1,551 days.
Mary Jane Sterne has not seen her daughter Samantha in 1,795 days.
Kate Bornstein has not seen her daughter Jessica in 12,904 days.

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3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on February 15, 2018 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook versions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

The Best of the Underground Bunker, 1995-2017 Just starting out here? We’ve picked out the most important stories we’ve covered here at the Undergound Bunker (2012-2017), The Village Voice (2008-2012), New Times Los Angeles (1999-2002) and the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999)

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: Shelly Miscavige, ten years gone | The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | Why Scientology digs bomb-proof vaults in the desert | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

 

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