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Why Scientology can never submit its drug rehab quackery to scientific review

NarcononSaunaWe’ve been reporting in huge volumes about Scientology’s drug rehab system, Narconon, and the legal troubles it finds itself in for what is its essentially deceptive business model. Narconon promises individualized drug counseling by medical professionals in a safe, drug-free environment, and downplays its connections to the church. But none of that is true. Not only is Narconon a wing of the church under leader David Miscavige’s control, but instead of delivering drug counseling, it puts patients through the same exercises they’d get as beginning Scientologists. It also puts them through a risky and unscientific regimen of extended sauna use and outrageous amounts of niacin and other vitamins. But on what theory is that based? Our frequent contributor, Jeffrey Augustine, shows us that things are even worse than we imagined, as he looks into L. Ron Hubbard’s ideas behind his “detoxification” regimen.

Recently, you may have read about the federal government paying to investigate how Narconon’s sauna program affects Gulf War veterans. But as we pointed out, that study is not examining L. Ron Hubbard’s theories for what the process is doing to the human body, only whether the veterans feel better after weeks of exercise, sauna use, and vitamin intake. And now, Augustine explains to us why Hubbard’s ideas for what’s going on in that sauna will never be examined by science…

 
Today, we’re going to show you what L. Ron Hubbard, the Church of Scientology, and Narconon are withholding from prospective Narconon customers and the public at large.

Hubbard’s premise for his detoxification regimen, called the Purification Rundown in Scientology and the New Life Detoxification Program at Narconon, is this: Drug residues stored in the body “chronically restimulate” stored mental image pictures, and thus cause clouded thinking, mood swings, feelings of being drugged, lethargy, and many other adverse physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual forms of distress. By flushing out drug residues, Hubbard claims, a person attains a clear body and a clear mind.

Here is the essential description of the Purification Rundown as articulated by Hubbard in his book Clear Body Clear Mind:

 
Purif1

 
Let’s illustrate this idea with an image I created:

 
Purif2a

 
According to Hubbard, if one flushes the drug residues from the body, then the mental image pictures become inert and cannot negatively affect a person.

This low-quality Church of Scientology illustration (circa 1990) shows the basic Purification Rundown concept: A deficiency of B complex and niacin are created by taking drugs. The solution to that problem is exercise and sweating for five hours a day in a sauna to flush the toxic drug residues lodged in body fat:

 
Purif3

 
I have created another diagram below to show a drug residue as a molecular structure – which is how it would exist if the body were not able to metabolize it and break it down:

 
Purif4a

 
Given the diagram above, we ask some physiological questions:

1. How, exactly, can the molecular structures of drug residues stored in the body chronically restimulate mental image pictures?

2. Hubbard states that drug residues are stored in the fat tissues of the body. So, the problematic mental image pictures are also physical structures stored in fat tissues in proximity to the molecular drug residues? By what physical mechanism do the molecular structures of drug residues signal mental image pictures in order to chronically restimulate them?

3. How do molecular drug residues have sufficient stored chemical energy to signal, or otherwise bind to, mental image pictures in order to chronically restimulate them?

4. By what biochemical process is niacin able to selectively target molecular drug residues and purge them from the body via the sweat glands?

5. What is the physiological pathway and mechanism by which niacin bound to drug residues exits the body via the sweat glands?

For illustrative purposes, I created the image below to show a niacin molecule bound to a drug reside molecule exiting the body. I used a large red X to show how the mental image picture has become inert, or inactive, as a result of the niacin flushing the drug residue from the body. This is what Hubbard claims is happening in the Purification Rundown.

 
Purif5

 
In truth, the physiological mechanisms of the Purification Rundown are left unexplained by Hubbard. But Hubbard did put on the record a non-physiological explanation for what was going on. When Hubbard came up with “the Purif” in 1977, it had been more than a decade since he’d developed his infamous history of life on Earth, including its use as an overpopulation dumping ground 75 million years ago by the galactic overlord Xenu. To this day, according to Hubbard, each of us is infested — in fact, we’re made up of — clusters of “body thetans” or “BTs,” which are the unseen incorporeal spirits left behind by Xenu’s genocidal apocalypse.

What Scientology and Narconon don’t talk about publicly is how L. Ron Hubbard explained in Scientology’s secret upper-level teachings the relationship between the Purification Rundown, mental image pictures, and body thetans.

We find Hubbard’s explanation in the materials for “Operating Thetan Level Four,” or OT 4. It can take many years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to reach the level and then to have the opportunity for a Scientologist to read these words…

 
Purif6

 
So, it turns out that the mechanism between drug use and restimulation of mental image pictures are the unseen body thetans which are being restimulated to remember their drug use on other planets in the distant past. You’re being restimulated because your parasitic body thetans are remembering epic drug binges they went through millions or billions of years ago.

Knowing that BTs and BT clusters are affected by drugs, we can finally approach the key purpose of the Purification Rundown and its megadoses of niacin. As Hubbard explains in OT 4:

 
Purif7

 
This then is the secret of the Purification Rundown that only longtime, high-level Scientologists are allowed to learn: Niacin and vitamin B1 cause BTs to drop out of restimulation. According to Hubbard, “This too brings about an improvement in the case condition of the person.”

We can now see Hubbard’s emphasis on megadoses of niacin in the Purification Rundown. Hubbard said that niacin and B1 flush the drug residues from the body and thus allow BTs to drop out of the drug engrams and resultant chronic restimulation in which they are stuck. This causes the BTs to cease mocking up the drug engrams.

Hubbard’s claims about the Purif and how it handles BTs explains why the Church of Scientology is backed into a corner and has never funded any scientific peer-reviewed testing of the rundown’s underlying theory. The Church does not care to disclose to any scientific researchers Hubbard’s metaphysical basis for the Purification Rundown. However, we do so here at the Underground Bunker

 
Purif10

[Narconon Tijuana]

 
Despite the Purif’s inextricable link to Scientology’s OT levels, Xenu, and BTs, none of this is disclosed to prospective Narconon patients. To participate in the Narconon program is to be surreptitiously pulled by Scientology into its core Xenu cosmology. The covert, hidden, and secret goal of Narconon is to handle a person’s BT’s and clusters of BT’s by getting them to blow by use of megadoses of niacin. This will make a person feel better according to Hubbard. More importantly, it just might make Narconon graduates amenable to becoming Scientologists or Narconon staff members.

In the dozens of lawsuits filed by Ryan Hamilton and other lawyers against Narconon just in the last couple of years, one image has been included with court filings as a sort of “smoking gun” proving that Narconon is used as a recruitment program for Scientology. It’s a plaque that was found hanging at a Narconon center in California…

 
TrahanPlaque2

 
The text highlighted by the red box is key: “There are thousands of beings who have taken their first steps on The Bridge, thanks to the compassion and efforts of this team.” In other words, one of Narconon’s key goals is to get new recruits moving on the “Bridge” — on Scientology’s rubric of courses — after finishing the rehab program.

Hamilton and other attorneys are also making use of a leaked internal memo written by Claudia Arcabascio, Narconon International’s Legal Affairs Director. In this memo, Ms. Arcabascio concedes that there is no scientific evidence for Narconon’s claimed success rates (spelling errors in the original e-mail):

From: Claudia Arcabascio
Subject: Re: Wolverton BBB complaint and suggested response

To: XXXXXX
Cc: “PRODUCTION NNI” , “John Walser A/ED NN FC”
Date: Monday, January 12, 2009, 4:36 PM

Dear XXXXXX,

Thanks for sent me this. I don’t have a copy of the letter received from the BBB which makes difficult for me to see if the answer is appropiate. However, I see the letter okay less than the comment of “hearsay”. It is a generality. I cannot reach Helena today to review this. Instead, I recommend the following:

1. Correct the letter (more ARC in the letter and change the expression of “hearsay” for specifics and do not say that we have 70% success (we do not have scientific evidence of it).

2. Send a copy of the letter received from BBB to Mike Toth along with the proposed answer (corrected by you).

3. Get okay from the attorney

4. Send the letter (preferably by certified mail return receipt request). Check out this point with Mike Toth first.

If you send to Mike Toth the complete data, it should not take for him more than 10 minutes of his time. Please let me know if you have any questions.

ML,
Claudia

Despite Ms. Arcabascio’s internal memo, we’ve seen Narconon centers claim success rates from 70 to 90 percent in advertisements. (Legitimate drug rehab centers claim more realistic success rates of about 25 percent.)

But even with these astounding success claims, the actual contract Narconon clients must sign makes it clear that the program offers no guarantee:

 
Purif17

 
The Narconon “No Guarantee” clause is cut from the same cloth as all the other Church of Scientology contracts which promise no results, and even admit that you can’t believe what you’re told by Scientology employees…

 
Purif18

 
And just like the rest of the companies in the Scientology business empire, all Narconon contracts require customers to sign away their legal rights to sue Narconon and agree to arbitration:

 
Purif19

 
In this article, I was not able to cover Hubbard’s claims that the Purification Rundown runs radiation out the body. But he did make that claim. So why don’t we all grab our towels, choke down our 5000mg of niacin, and meet in the sauna for the next five hours to run out some of that nasty radiation stored in our bodies? Just be sure to sign that fat stack of legal waivers on your way into the sauna:

 
Purif20

 
— Jeffrey Augustine

 
——————–

BOOK NOTES
3D-Unbreakable

We didn’t get a chance to include photos in our book, so we’ve posted them at a dedicated page. Reader Sookie put together a complete index and we’re hosting it here on the website. Copies of the paperback version of ‘The Unbreakable Miss Lovely’ are on sale at Amazon. The Kindle edition is also available, and shipping instantly.

Tony Ortega’s upcoming appearances (and check out the interactive map to our ongoing tour)…

 
Sept 15: Phoenix, Barrett the Honors College, Arizona State University, ASU in Downtown Phoenix campus, Walter Cronkite Theater, 5:30 pm

Sept 23: Cleveland, Parma Heights Library, 7pm sponsored by Center for Inquiry – Northeast Ohio

Sept 24: Minneapolis, sponsored by Minnesota Atheists — venue TBD

Sept 27: Portland, Friendly House, 1737 NW 26th Ave, 12:45 pm, sponsored by Humanists of Portland

Sept 28: Seattle, Razzi’s Pizzeria, 7 pm, with Seattle Skeptics and Seattle Atheists

Sept 29: Vancouver, BC, Seven Dining Lounge, 7 pm

Oct 23: Sydney, Giant Dwarf Theatre (with Sen. Nick Xenophon)

Oct 25: Melbourne, venue secured (announcement coming later)

Oct 28: Adelaide (with Sen. Nick Xenophon)

Oct 30: Perth

Past dates: Santa Barbara (5/16), Hollywood (5/17), Orange County (5/17), San Diego (5/20), San Francisco (5/22), New York (6/11), Chicago (6/20), Toronto (6/22), Clearwater (6/28), Washington DC (7/12), Hartford (7/14), Denver (7/17), Dallas (7/20), Houston (7/22), San Antonio (7/24), Austin (7/25), Paris (7/29), London (8/4), Boston (8/24)

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on September 2, 2015 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of LA attorney and former church member Vance Woodward

UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists

GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice

SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer
The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill
The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…
Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield

 

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  • Jimmy3

    does anyone have any residual toxins? my mental image picture buzz is fading.
    and no scholars, please

    • Rasha

      How far back do ya need? I mean, if you’ll pardon the pun, what’s yer poison?

      • Jimmy3

        I used to do a lot of coke and opiates and solve crimes in the 19th century. So if you have anything like that

        • Panopea Abrupta

          Have you no Holmes to go to?

          • Jimmy3

            You sound like a scholar. Are you a scholar? If you are, you have to tell me.

          • daisy

            I hope you are leaving your brain to science.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Sounds highly Irregular to me…

        • Rasha

          Hmmm. How about peyote from when I was an honorary Huichol? Lot of Cloud Gate imagery there, sometimes a large, glowing dog, if that helps.

        • Madison KinSmed

          I’ve got heaps of catnip. That should do you just fine.

    • Observer

      ..

    • Mockingbird

      Ask your BTs .

    • NOLAGirl (Stephanie)

      Meet me out back Jimmy. I’ve got some stuff from the 18th century that will blow your mind. LOL 😀

      • Frodis73

        Oh, can I come?

        • daisy

          Fight you for the door!!

    • daisy

      I see the drug addled second shift is here . I am doing a double shift today

    • aegerprimo

      I have a big bottle of black cohosh root and am willing to share. It helps alleviate hot flashes.

      • SarahDB

        Does it work for you? Never worked for me 🙁

        • Sandy

          It was MAGIC for me. But my doc said seems to work for some, not others. I was sweating and my hair was actually damp-limp – and I was trying to look professional. This stuff really is worth a try.

          • SarahDB

            I just felt I was wasting my money, took it for several months and no change.

        • aegerprimo

          It works but you have to take it daily.

          • SarahDB

            I tried, twice a day in fact…no change as far as I could tell. Right now they aren’t so bad, maybe they are going away!

            • aegerprimo

              Verify such things with your GYN doctor.

    • kemist

      I’ve got naprosyn, pantoprazole and nadolol. Could find a bit of ciprofloxacin and malarone from back in february, when I was in India.

  • Rasha

    Does Laffy anywhere differentiate between high and low energy radiation? Between gamma rays, radio, visible light, and heat? Seriously, does he just lump together one thing called “radiation” that is not only ubiquitous, but so dangerous that it builds up and spans decades before being sweated out – and then only in a NarCONon sauna, because a hard days work or good game of tennis don’t count?

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Whether or not he did, his credulous followers certainly do not. Did you check the list on thst Mace-Kingsley flyer? They missed sidewalks, MP3 players, and fresh baked goods.

      (refresh)

      • Rasha

        …granite countertops, paint…..

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          …an Egg McMuffin…

          • Observer

            … Marc Headley …

            • kemist

              … The Internet…
              … Anonymous…

      • aegerprimo

        …cat eyes…

      • Madison KinSmed

        Surely the internets should be on here?

    • Mockingbird

      His pseudo science is straight out of a comic book.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Oh yeah.

        (refresh)

        • Rasha

          SOMEONE needs a sauna! Niacin, STAT!

        • Mockingbird

          Yep, that’s science .

      • Rasha

        So, anything with big, yellow Z-shaped lightning bolts coming out at all directions, then…

        • Mockingbird

          Just like in the comics !!

          • Rasha

            Scientology makes it easy to spot!!!

      • Lionel Drinkwater

        ^^^^^
        100 Internets. That is a great line.

    • kemist

      Hubbard could not make heads or tail of intro to calculus. I’m pretty sure the electromagnetic spectrum was out of his grasp.

      He must have read a superman comic book and got his ideas about radiation in there. If he’d written Diarrhetics in the 1920s, he’d recommend radium cures instead of niacin and saunas.

      • Rasha

        …and all those Radium Girls painting watch faces were simply not ingesting enough to ward off sickness….

    • Lionel Drinkwater

      Radiation was A=A=A for nuclear physicist Dr. Hubbard.

      And why shouldn’t it be? It was all just MEST and MEST is just an A=A=A mock up.

    • Most of Hubbard’s blatherations on the subject were aimed at getting people into Scientology by exploiting the Cold War fear of nuclear weapons. During this period the general population had only a vague idea that bomb tests were putting something harmful into the environment, and that they could die in the aftermath of a nuclear war without actually getting blown up. Hubbard’s conception of ‘radiation’ was a fact-free improvisation on that theme.

      He evidently knew nothing about the subject and only got away with his ignorance because of some wild claims (the cover of “All About Radiation” claimed it was by a “Nuclear Physicist and Medical Doctor”) and the fact that his readers generally knew less than he did. Back when Hubbard wrote about it, this stuff was at the cutting edge of science, and some of it was still a military secret. You could get away with a lot.

      In the original version, the ‘purif’ was all about surviving nuclear war by becoming immune to radiation exposure. It’s one of the few aspects of Scientology that has changed with the times, by switching the emphasis from ‘radiation’ to drugs (both illegal and medicinal). It the Narconon programme wasn’t heavily edited (aka “Based on the works of L Ron Hubbard”) there would be a lot more dated and irrelevant Cold War paranoia in there.

      PS If drug residues could be reactivated somehow you would expect that some ingenious drug user would have discovered this before now, and exploited it. What would happen then? Would they eventually run out of ‘residues’?

      • daisy

        You had me at wouldn’t a ingenious drug user discovered this by now

    • LongtimeLurker

      He doesn’t even differentiate between rays and particles.

  • Sid

    Don’t we all just long for the days when we just had to go Clear like in Dianetics and didn’t have to worry about all this BT, Purif shit. Perfect memories. No illnesses. Live for hundreds of years. Things were so much simpler back in the ’50s.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Happy Days…

      • Sid

        Happy Days… John Travolta’s sister played Fonzie’s aunt I believe.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Yeah, it was his sister.

          (refresh)

      • Sid

        They met in a galaxy far away? Or not. (F5)

      • daisy

        I can not believe that that wasn’t a shoop.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Just new text.

    • Lionel Drinkwater

      And the gigantic tomato plants Dr. Hubbard grew at St. Hill were all the rage of horticultural societies!

      It was certainly much easier to handle SP’s back then too. All you had to do was to send a guy back to birth to really zap him.

      The command:Return to Birth! really knocked SP’s out and blew their fedoras 50 feet off their heads.

      Those were the days.

  • daisy

    Now wogsy ,we all know you are a drunk. I believe Elle called you out.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Hmmmm.

      Maybe Elle is a residual toxin that has gained sentience.

      • Mockingbird

        poor elle

    • SP Wogsy

      Ha! She is that one degraded body thetan that just won’t go away! I’ll deal with her later. I just got off the treadmill, and I got 4 1/2 more hours before my Niacin runs out.

  • Mockingbird

    Can all Scientology Celebs be billed as … and the BTs ? Sounds like a band.

  • SP Wogsy

    My body thetans are dancing in September, Bunker! I can’t run them out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ter0p_iyIxk

  • Panopea Abrupta

    Since most new Sea Org members tend to be from Eastern Europe,
    Dan Sherman is experimenting with a new version of Shermanspeak,
    in an attempt to put command intention in ruthlessly on them.
    A teleprompter tipster leaked me an excerpt from the opening speech
    to be used at the opening of the Vladivostok Ideal Org

    Comrades and fellow workers of the $cientology proletariat,

    Our great workers’ revolution and the Five Year Plan of our Great Ideal Leap Forward is being hindered by SPs, wog capitalist running dogs, paper tigers squirrels, Big Pharma and other imperialist forces on the corrupt immoral fringes of the Interwebz.
    These counter-intentioned counter-revolutionary sock cutters are lackeys of the Press and of Whole Track Psych Lobotomizers and are scheming at some bitter defrocked apostating and forced to rely on science and mere facts.
    Pffffft!
    These fascist war-mongering tools and satraps fight tooth and claw against our peace-loving $cientologist Personal Private Investigators and highly trained counsellors who are caring for the aged, providing loving film and documentary record of counselling sessions, touch assists for the greviously inured and compassionate outreach to former companions
    who have lost their way.
    Single-handedly, when not clinging to planes and avoiding the Venusian train-wreck of his failed relationships, Toothy is to be found at every car crash. A BigOT, only he knows what to do.
    And Comrade Chick North Corea and other Loyal Ossifiers carry forth the Flag. We WILL wheedle floating needles from the beadles in our cathederal if we have to reg them to within an inch of their cetacean hides. We stand small.
    Planetary clearing is happening and will be a reality before I drop the body – we are fewer with each passing Thursday.

    Давайте выпьем за успех нашего дела!

  • Jeffrey Levine

    “Thousands of beings who have taken their first steps on the bridge….” and that is just one person!

  • Jeffrey Levine

    So, I don’t get how they can recieve one thin dime of governement funding without the peer reviewed studies.

  • nottrue

    • Joe

      “Once I threatened the directors and told them I would force their families to stop talking to them if they didn’t give me the part, it all fell into place. Thanks Scientology tools!”

    • MrsLurksALot

      One would think if her career was so awesome, she’d at least have a headshot on her IMBD page. Her filmography consists of horror films, walk on roles on random tv shows and of course, her defining role on a soap, which lasted for one whole year, 13 years ago. I’m sure she has a lot of wisdom to share.

      F5

      • Sherbet

        But but but she’s also a Director! You know, the famous Director Denice Duff.

  • In the UK, although it’s a very famous tradition, it’s kind of known that if you do Panto you really need to make some money… so, I wonder if Priscilla Presley is being hassled by the cult or is she actually out?

    pic

    http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/Priscilla-Presley-star-Milton-Keynes-Theatre/story-27722892-detail/story.html

    • Ardent

      She’s 70!? Oh, that makes me feel sooo old. And in Panto? How the mighty have fallen.

  • allioops

    i was “in” when the Purif first became the only way to advance on the bridge…

    • aegerprimo

      And…?

  • Observer

    Would you go through a drug rehab developed by this man? Just say NO!

    refresh

    • daisy

      I think I understand as much as a never-in can about brainwashing, That said -this guy ,seriously this guy!! he is the example that proves the rule Never judge a book ,by its cover.

    • Ardent

      Hey Obs, do you do requests? I’d love a shoop of the Hubster shoveling shit/manure, or engaged in any similar kind of thing. Just an idle whim….

      • Mockingbird

        Don’t let him take my job !!!

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        You mean… like this:

        • Ardent

          Yes! How very kind of you! Cheers.

  • seriouslyWTF

    Has anyone else posted this? I found it on twitter..

    https://twitter.com/LAPDHQ/status/639136976898125824

    • seriouslyWTF

      And here is a reply that was posted..

      3h3 hours ago

      @LAPDHQ why is this at Scientology though? REALLY not a fan of them. Didn’t Harris Wittels die after talking to @peteholmes about scientolog

      1:56 PM – 2 Sep 2015 · Details

      • Madison KinSmed

        Awesome reply! Whoever tweeted that should get some caek!

    • Observer

      Man, the LAPD doesn’t seem to want to climb out of Captain Miscavige’s pocket.

      • Ardent

        I think it reeks of bribery and corruption. My respect for LAPD is sliding. At one point, I figured they were more or less rid of the bad old time grift. Now, not so sure. And I’m not even an Angeleno!

      • Mockingbird

        They found some cash in there .

    • Sherbet

      No, Donovan, no.

  • nottrue
    • Observer

      *spit take*

    • Ardent

      Watch out it doesn’t blow!

  • Edward Bell

    When you read stories like this it feels like when in the Superman universe there is bizarro world where everything is opposite. Right is wrong, good is bad etc etc. I feel like we live in this bizarro world. Stuff like this just should not happen. It is stupid that the legal and political systems are too weak to do anything about things like narconon. Clearly they are ineffective and if anything are putting lives in danger. I wonder if there is a normal universe out there where s**t like this doesn’t happen? I’m sure some Scientologist will tell me there is.

  • O/T: Just came back from watching Ant-Man with my son. It’s really good, imo.
    Great combination of heart, comedy and badassery. We both loved it.

    • Jimmy3

      I heard Paul Rudd had only a small part in it. Kinda disappointing, IMO. I like that guy

    • Mockingbird

      Yeah !!!

  • Observer

    This is shamefully OT, but Mr Observer and I cannot stop laughing at it and I’m sharing in case someone is in need of a laugh. You know how you can program shortcuts into your phone so that, rather than typing out words and phrases you use often, you can just type a couple of letters and the phone fills in the word/phrase? Well, someone did that to both his parents without their knowledge …

    • Kids these days, I tell ya!

      • Observer

        I would be so proud if he were my kid

        • Ruby

          I’m surprised mine hasn’t done that yet. Oh wait…that’s what phone lock mode is for. 🙂

    • Sherbet

      I’m laughing along with you two.

      • I once went to the library and saw a lot of NICE BOOBS.

        • Sherbet

          HELL YES! I mean, that’s interesting.

          • Ardent

            HI Sherb! (kisses and hugs)

    • Ella Raitch

      I’m looking forward to being the victim of this kind of fookery in my dotage

      • daisy

        I am there.

    • Jimmy3

      This is why cell phones were invented. Hilarious

    • EnthralledObserver

      Oh sheesh… I didn’t know I could be victimised in such a way. Lucky my kids haven’t worked it out yet either. Thanks for the heads up… but it sure is funny happening to someone else. *snicker*

      • Ardent

        Those screwed-up texts can be hilarious. Thanks!

    • PlanetJ

      I would lose my shit,if my son did this to me!! lol..he’s an adult..but still lives at home..so HELL NO,would be my answer!

  • Even though thousands and thousands of dollars are charged for multiple Purification
    Rundowns, Scientology Drug Rundown, NED Drug Rundown, OT Drug Rundown, NOTS drug
    rundown, the bottom line is the cartel doesn’t really believe in its own
    tech.
    BECAUSE
    If you have *ever* taken LSD, you may not join the Sea org, no matter how many Drug
    rundowns you have had. Hence the drug rundowns did not handle the
    LSD. The Cult believes the after-effects of LSD could cause you to be permanently damaged and dysfunctional enough so as not to be ELIGIBLE for the *Sea org*

    This LSD thing (LOL) Has been a life saver for escapees. Many “remembered” they had
    actually taken LSD and were able to depart and flee the hell inside the “Sea
    Org” before they toughened up on the ploy of “I have to leave the Sea org..I
    took LSD”

    • Mockingbird

      Now I wish I had taken LSD !! 🙁

    • Ruby

      So true, Karen!
      And let’s not forget angel dust on that forbidden SO qual list.
      I was never really sure I was given a puff of it until the recruiter asked me to join the SO. Then, “I knew for sure I HAD done angel dust”. Whew!

    • Ardent

      Well, Karen, you’ve saved me from any anxiety, since I certainly have taken LSD – and more than just once! I was always bemused by Hubbard’s focus on LSD. It is water-soluble and does not store itself in the body-fat. I investigated this before I ever even tried it! What do you want to bet Hubbard himself treated himself to a Trip or two?! Such a nit-wit.
      Oh, and keep on making your entertaining and fascinating videos, please? I really enjoy them. Cheers!

    • Jimmy3

      Growing up I always heard the rumor that LSD drips down and remains in your spinal chord fluid. And this was from wogs with no knowledge of Scientology at all. I’ve met a few people who swear they get a mini-trip when they crack their neck. Of course, I read about this later on, and it’s completely ridiculous. But it’s a very old myth, and I can’t help but wonder if the Sea Org policy was influenced by the very same myth.

      • Frodis73

        Same here…it was a big deal it seemed. I know quite a few that cited that reason for not trying acid. Lol. They missed out.

        • Jimmy3

          I’m pretty sure cord/chord is the word I misspell most. Why can’t they just have the same spelling? It would help me out a lot. More than it should, even.

          • Ardent

            Or possibly lessly?

            • Jimmy3

              Never met her.

            • Rasha

              Surely, you have.

            • Jimmy3

              I HAVE NOT
              and don’t call me surly.

            • Rasha

              I’ll call you less sourly next time.

    • Rasha

      …anything I can take that will stop the mailings?

    • Rasha

      Can anyone identify any of those ribbons? I’m getting really pissed, and if they’ve stolen real ones….. even if it’s just for the poster……

      • LongtimeLurker

        If you ever get details on the ribbons or the medals being imitations of IRL ones please, please let me know.

        I am dying to drop their asses in the whole “stolen valor” shredder.

  • Fred G. Haseney

    LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Body routers and like-minded Scientologists (all Sea Org members), working hard to bring new recruits to Los Angeles Org (“LA Org”) for clam indoctrination. This includes selling them the Purification Program as well as the book, “Clear Body, Clear Mind.” All photographs were taken Wednesday, September 2, 2015, at 3:20 PM, as Body Routers engaged in their usual feeding frenzies.

    Photo #1: Arrow 1 is the PAC Base “Scientology” sign. Arrow 2 is a Body Router holding up a wall. Arrow 3 is a Body Router holding up a non-Scientologist; hopes to drag her to L.A. Org, hopefully not kicking and screaming. I stood on Vermont Avenue, with Sunset Blvd. to my left and facing west, as I shot this photo.

    Photo #2: All the arrows indicate Body Routers on the northeast and southeast corners of Vermont Ave. and Sunset Blvd. I stood facing Sunset Blvd., with Vermont Ave. to my left.

    Photo #3: All the arrows indicate Body Routers on the southeast corner of Vermont Ave. and Sunset Bvld. The guy in the photo is a Body Router I’ve referred to, in earlier postings, as Frasier “We Know Who Are” Not (“Frasier” for TV’s Frasier Crane; “We know who you are,” because he told me this one day when I snapped photos of him; “Not” because a friend doesn’t want TV’s Frasier Crane demeaned by associating that TV character with a clam). I shot the photo facing Sunset Blvd., with Vermont Ave. to my left.

    Photo #4: Both arrows indicate Sea Org members; the second arrow is pointing at a Body Router; the first arrow may be pointing to one as well (although she’s not wearing the traditional vest). I shot this photo as I faced Sunset Blvd., with west to my right (as is PAC Base, including L.A. Org).

    Photo #5: This map, courtesy Bing, shows the approximate locations for photos #1 through #4. I’ve noted “Sunset Blvd.,” and “L.A. Org.”

    Perhaps you recognize one of the Sea Org members; maybe he or she disconnected from you; perhaps you haven’t heard from him or her and have been worried. Now, at least, you know that your loved one (brother, sister, mother, father, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, niece, nephew, cousin, aunt or uncle) are alive.

    • salin

      Thank you for the pics – and the detailed explanations of what is going on in the pics. Sunlight is a great disinfectant.

    • PerpetualOutflow

      I just can’t get past the waiter outfits. What was Dear Leader thinking when he approved these? How can anyone take them seriously?

      • They are waiting for influx of public.

        • PerpetualOutflow

          Evidently, they’re waiting for an influx of HUNGRY public.

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        They look like they should be carrying around Ideal Pepper Grinders for a salad.

        • PerpetualOutflow

          LOL, exactly!

        • Enturbulated Masterbator

          Yep, the Angry Gay Pope will sometimes ask if they work at a steakhouse. Priceless.

  • Ardent

    I finally read Jeff’s excellent article. He’s really very good, isn’t he? I hope Jeff will continue to add his voice here from time to time (and probably give Tony a bit of a rest on occasion!). Thanks, Jeff. Great stuff.

  • SP Wogsy

    I’m dropping off this mental image picture that was restimulated by my earlier coffee overdose.
    This was some early incident on the time track where I was forced to enter the Milky Way.
    I’m still not happy about it.

    I hope you appreciate it before it disappears. Sweet Dreams. F5

    https://38.media.tumblr.com/8b7286eeebdc9d4ce1640b6728e8292c/tumblr_nrdrckOaiq1u2j1nqo1_500.gif

    • daisy

      You are too beautiful and young to be this talented

    • PlanetJ

      May I steal this,Wogsy? I love it!

      • SP Wogsy

        Yes, mam!

        • PlanetJ

          Thank you,darling! xoxo 🙂

      • daisy

        Nite J Hopefully it gets better in the morning, sending you love and hugs

    • Mockingbird

      She’s got the whole gal lax y in her hands !

    • Ex-Christian Scientist

      All this talk of “mental image pictures” reminded me of the yearlong Clairvoyant Program I took in ’93 in Santa Monica… I was told, at the time, it was a spinoff of Lewis Bostwick’s ‘Berkeley Psychic Institute’… I decided, today, to ‘google’ if Lewis Bostwick was ever a Scientologist… YEP, yep, he was… Explains a lot… (Mental image pictures, moving them out of your space, blowing them up to get rid of them, etc., etc.) :/

      • Ex-Christian Scientist

        No wonder I just did my best to just get through that Program! 😀

  • seriouslyWTF

    There is quite the discussion going on between Marc Headley and chillybeen or whatever his name is.. It is a long one.. I don’t know how to copy and paste the entire thread..

    Here is the last tweet by Marc..

    https://twitter.com/blownforgood/status/639236325447716864

    • If Scientology has all the answers couldn’t they simply explain things to Chill? I mean, they have all the answers. If they only have some of the answers, isn’t that like relying on a Magic 8-ball to make some pretty major life decisions?

    • Mockingbird

      Awesome !

    • I posted a couple of days ago that I had a private facebook chat with Chill back in Village Voice days but can hardly remember a thing about it…. anyway, I had a quick scan at the conversation and this [see pic] is the most telling tweet to me… it’s obvious he’s being monitored and prompted what to say… I just don’t see the real “him” writing this…

      pic

      • not sure of the order [am really tired and imbibed] but here’s a big chunk of the conversation

      • LongtimeLurker

        What a prick.

    • LongtimeLurker

      Well…that sent me down a Twitterassment rabbit hole.

      He’s kinda nasty.

      People like John Alex Wood spread lies and propaganda, but Chill does that AND throws insults around like a 6 year old hopped-up on candy.

  • Juicer77

    I love you, Nyquil. You are my best fr- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    • Jimmy3

      Dextromethorphan… Not a good resid. tox to have. Very robotic mental image pictures. You’re actually going to need to move into a sauna to get that out of you.

      • Juicer77

        (Mumbles sleepily… )

      • Rasha

        “Dextro” sounds sweet, and “orphan” sounds sad…. just don’t like the “meth” part.

        • beauty for ashes

          Dextro-Meepthorp FIFY 🙂

          • Rasha

            Whew!! Thanks, Beauty!!!

    • Nyquil … the coughing, aching, fall flat on your face stone cold asleep medicine.

      • Rasha

        Now I want some!!

        • Just never consume with a Junior Johnson’s moonshine chaser. At least not if you want to see the next day.

          • daisy

            You know drugs, talk to me girlfriend.

            • The most powerful drug is a neurochemical cocktail that limits the amount of natural filtering of the dream state; there are people who suffer this condition naturally. For them, every night is a continuous event of actions, smells, tastes, memories, predictions, sensations.

            • daisy

              I will be following your posts very closely, I am looking for a sobriety loophole

            • You might (or might not) appreciate last nights adventures. It included walking down/up around a road in a blizzard. Sitting atop all the lovely hills of white were the most intricately shaped ice sculptures (e.g., houses, people, animals, fruit, etc.) that glistened in the light. There was no point in trying to handle the sculptures as they would immediately slip away and/or melt.

            • daisy

              That stuff is lovely but I am looking for a detour around the whole abstaining from whatever my current addiction is.

          • Rasha

            How about just using it as a before sleep mouth rinse?

            • The NyQuil or the moonshine? Either way, it’s a waste of good alcohol.

    • beauty for ashes

      Nyquil Party! Only lasts half an hour!

  • If you haven’t read Rinder’s post today yet, take a look.
    I love it when former OSA Chief Int speaks the truth as hard as a ton of bricks.

    Scientology Buying Media Stories Again
    http://www.mikerindersblog.org/scientology-buying-media-stories-again/

    Snip:

    “The reports of violence don’t really bother Miscavige so much, he thinks it makes him look tough.

    But not buying into the “ideal org” spin about how it proves this is the greatest era of expansion ever, under the brilliant leadership and benevolent guidance of the self proclaimed Pope of Scientology, oh boy, now you really crossed the line….”

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      Let’s see them purify that kind of radiation. (refresh)

      • Mockingbird

        He’d like to dispose of us loudly and with screaming !

    • beauty for ashes

      “It has never been more exhilarating to be a scientologist… Well, if you define a constant stream of bad news and daily skewering in the media as “exhilarating…”
      LOL!!!!

  • L. Wrong Hubturd

    Drug residue might not store itself in fatty tissue, but I’m damn sure that Sonic Waffleberry Brownie Master Blaster I just ate will lodge itself right in the fatty tissue of my ass. Holy nectar of Xenu, those things are gooood. Little chunks of waffle and brownie blended in with the ice cream and strawberrys. If you’ve got a Sonic near you, I suggest trying one.

    • Rasha

      See? Now a sauna just might help run that out! ….sounds gooooood, though…..

    • beauty for ashes

      That is soo hateful, Why you gotta do that?

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Hey, last night we shared music, now I’z sharing nummy yummies. What, no Sonic? 🙁

        • Rasha

          I wonder what tomorrow night’s topic will be….. Parade Floats? Keyboard Layouts? Movie One-Liners?

        • beauty for ashes

          First of all Sonic is closed right now. The mere suggestion made me check.
          Secondly and moreover, I’m not supposed to have sugar.
          Which makes me angry. Because, well, dessert.
          I bet you don’t gain weight either?

          • L. Wrong Hubturd

            I’m not as big as I should be given how I eat……and eat…..and eat. Sorry about the sugar thing. That sucks.

            • beauty for ashes

              Its not your fault. 🙂 I can still eat cheese! and bread!

            • daisy

              Don’t let him get away with that, naturally thin people are to be despised. I once opined that maybe I should get into a weight management system like scientology. MB very seriously suggested that might not be a good idea. I love him.

            • I once was naturally thin. Then went on a medication that gave me all the symptoms of menopause at the tender age of 27 (at least according to the MIL and her friends). Hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, binge eating (including sleep eating), and a whack to the metabolism where what didn’t slow went to waist. Sadly the side effects stayed when the medication went away.

            • daisy

              Hormones make bitches be crazy

            • Since both genders have em … both genders suffer the same problem.

              With men it’s the drop in testosterone that happens in the 40s that results in mistresses and other acts to compensate for other short-comings.

            • Never heard of sleep eating. I learn something everyday here. Hope you are doing okay.

            • Ok. Think of sleep walking that includes making yourself a snack (including use of a stove). The fun being not remembering anything until you walk into the kitchen and wonder WTH, starting to connect the dots with the crumbs and half-eaten BLT you noticed flipping off the blankets as you stagger out of bed.

              WARNING: Do not store hard unpeeled boiled and uncooked eggs near each other when suffering this condition. It’s messy when you try to eat either when sleeping.

            • Wow.

            • ReallyMGM

              Hypothyroidism can do a number on your metabolism also. Damn hormones!

            • daisy

              When I had roommates they would accuse me of eating all the cookies. I didn’t believe them until there was an empty bag one morning when I moved

            • Veronica

              Sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope the benefits of the medication outweighed the unpleasantness of the side effects, at least initially.

              I did some sleep walking while on a particular medication. As far as I know, I don’t do it anymore. It’s very unsettling to wake up and find evidence that you did something you have no recollection of doing. Twice I woke up on the couch downstairs after going to sleep in my bed upstairs. Once I woke up with a giant bruise from my shoulder to my elbow (maybe from walking into a doorjamb?). The most interesting occurrence involved the mysterious disappearance of half of a chocolate cake, left over from a party. I don’t keep sweets/desserts in the house — and I guess some part of my brain was really fixated on that cake. I honestly hadn’t given it a second (conscious) thought. It’s not like I went to bed thinking “God I want more cake.”

              So imagine my surprise when I opened the refrigerator the following morning and found an empty cake plate. No dirty fork, so either I washed the fork or ate the cake with my hands. But no cake on my hands or face, no crumbs on the counter, no frosting in my hair or up my nose or on my pillow. At some point during the night I evidently just got up, came downstairs, hoovered up the cake, tidied up, then went back upstairs to bed… all while asleep.

            • Sadly the answer is “not even close”. The extra weight led to sleep apnea, sleep apnea plus eating issues led to Type 2 diabetes, and related issues.

              My only claim to “it could be worse” is not following my father’s sleepwalking saga of going to the bathroom and talking a right instead of a left. I can still hear my mother screaming at him to get off the potted fern next to their dresser,

            • Veronica

              When I started sleepwalking my initial fear was that I’d wander outside naked. As far as I know that never happened.

              Your situation sounds awful. I hope things improve.

            • daisy

              I sleep in my clothes. Saves time in the morning too.

            • Veronica

              Hell, if I can eat cake in my sleep, I’m sure I can strip starkers.

              Oh no… now I’m worrying about it again.

            • daisy

              good point , hand cuff to the bed. We will solve this dilemma tonight

            • Veronica

              Honey, bed handcuffs stopped being challenging ages ago (TMI?). I’ll just tie squeaky toys all over myself — if I move I’ll be attacked.

            • daisy

              See whats true for you is true for you or some such nonsense. You had the answer all along

            • Veronica

              Just like Dorothy!

            • The reality is less awful and more uncomfortable. At my worst I’m still far more functional than ever so many.

    • “Nude Beach” beer. Made in Wisconsin, USA. It’s unfiltered.

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Is that to wash down the Waffelberry explosion thingie? Cheers!

        • Yep, haha! It’s actually really good, even beats unfiltered Belgian Hoogarden.

    • Currently experimenting with almond butter.

      By itself, it’s much like peanut butter only more expensive and you have to give the jar a heavy stir first. I find it needs extra sweetness added because it starts with no sugar. (An almond butter and jelly sandwich would probably be nice, especially with a peanut-but-not-almond allergy.) A little dribbled over ice cream (sugar and fat) is very nice. With a croissant, mix the almond butter heavily with maple syrup, coat the inside of the croissant and warm it up in the oven. Dribble chocolate and/or icing sugar on top, strawberries on the side, some whipped-cream .. and damn the calories!

      Almond paste has the sugar already added, and marzipan has sugar on the sugar.

  • noseinabk

    I watched a bit of the finale for Leah’s show and she talked to her mom about seeing a medium. When her mom scoffed at the idea and said she was skeptical Leah mentioned xenu. 😀

    • Ooooh!!

    • beauty for ashes

      Crap I still have to catch up! Thank you though!

      • noseinabk

        If you get a chance to watch it try to catch what she said when they are sitting in the kitchen discussing the medium.

  • Lady Squash

    Ah, so the Purif is all about the BTs. Can’t wait for that to show up on a brochure.

    • But will the way they treat BTs result in the DTs?

  • is Chaka Khan still a clam?… reason being she’s in the next DWTS… [anticipating crazy Krustie tweet in 3…2…1… type thing]

    pic

    • Last time I checked, she was fronting World Literacy Crusade (ABLE=RTC) with Alfreddie Johnson.
      Tom Cruise was a big part of it too, around 2006. Dunno the extent of her involvement beyond that.

      • hey, come on Radar… you’ve got an “in” for the story “Yet another celebrity scientologist joins DWTS… “what’s that all about?”

        [bonus points for Bunker dudes if you can pinpoint the origins of “what’s that all about?” phrase]

        • daisy

          Jesus Christ Superstar

          • Rasha

            My first guess, then I thought, “Alfie??”

            • Rasha

              Unless you are referring the British usage, showing disdain for something. (I think)

            • ReallyMGM

              Bindi, she wrestles crocodiles

            • …sorry, the actual phrase is “What’s Up With That?”

            • daisy

              cheers

            • we have a winner …. I trust you didn’t cheat and use google…

              https://youtu.be/K1dRgYgZ5U0

            • daisy

              I never got it then either. Whats my reward? A nice shiny trophy or a big assed medal. What is a google?

            • reward is the best photo of Audrey Hepburn ever taken

            • daisy

              claps her hands furiously

            • Veronica

              But there is no such thing as a “best” photo of Audrey Hepburn. What kind of sick game are you trying to play?

            • I have a collection of thousands, this is my personal favourite

            • Veronica

              OK, hadn’t seen that one before. The composition does make her look even perfecter than usual.

            • Rasha

              SNL? “What Up With That?” sketch?

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              Nope, he already posted the answer…lame as it was. I’ll take your choice. But, the photo of Audrey is a nice image before bedtime.

            • Rasha

              I should F5 more often….

              Off to bed for Rasha. Night, Bunkerbugs!!!

          • nope… think funnier

          • sorry, the actual phrase is “What’s Up With That?”

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              SNL

            • beauty for ashes

              Oooooo Weeeeee!

            • getting warmer…. I’ll post the video in 10 minutes

            • daisy

              You just used up some of my few precious brain cells for a completely different phrase. Go to the corner,

      • ReallyMGM

        Alfreddie, big con artist. She had a concert here several months ago. No one went.

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      Gary Busey for the win!

      • daisy

        Nope Paula Dean, she did a fancy dance around that racist thing and remained upright

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          Zinger!

          • daisy

            I always feel bad for saying those things at others but I am a shameless laugh whore.

  • My old buddy just sent it to me. I had to share. Too funny.

    • Veronica

      Marcellus Wallace sent you these fucking flowers so TAKE the MOTHER FUCKING FLOWERS.

      • ReallyMGM

        Despite Travolta, Pulp Fiction was one of my favorite movies. Still is. Even named my dog Mia. She was that sort of bitch.

        • Veronica

          Disco.

        • daisy

          I can not give it up. It is the 4th best movie ever. Does that admission get me kicked out.

          • Depends. What’s the 3rd best movie?

            • daisy

              I can not win this because my no 3 is for sentimental value only. Dr. Zhivago. 1 and 2 are the Godfathers, so you can see I have a type. Please let me stay

            • I want to ask what’s the 2nd one, but am afraid we will get back together again.

            • daisy

              lol Best not to break your heart again,

            • I see you added 1 and 2. Use “Eta=edit to add” warning next time, babycakes.

            • daisy

              I swear to God 1 and 2 were there, you just missed it . I was going to correct it but criticizing seemed like the job for the new girlfriend. If there was an edit, it is usually for puncture police.

            • Ex-Christian Scientist

              You mean, “punctuation” police? LOL 😉

            • Alright. You never made me an omelet for breakfast though.

            • daisy

              lol

          • ReallyMGM

            Nah, it was an ensemble cast. Travolta was at his best in it, I must say. That cardiac needle scene scared my daughter off drugs for life. Worth the price of the video.

            • daisy

              I had the exact opposite reaction to the needle scene

    • daisy

      I don’t know what happened but I meant scientologist lurkers, I also answered my own question, It might possibly be true. Poor bastards

      • 152

        • daisy

          At the risk of outing my own stupidity what is 152

        • daisy

          I am an ass, of course it is

          • Ex-Christian Scientist

            You make me Laugh! 😀

            • She makes me laugh too, except that time when she dumped me for Jimmy.

            • daisy

              I was very upfront about my sluttery.

            • This is even better than scientology marriage counseling.

            • EmmaDaoust

              Wait. What?

            • daisy

              I thought you guys knew about making up words.

            • LongtimeLurker

              “I think we should repaint the sluttery. Maybe get some new curtains…”

            • daisy

              Actually howled.

            • LongtimeLurker

              I was pretty happy with tha one, but initially no one responded.

              Thanks!

  • ReallyMGM

    I just had the strangest FB DM ever. “Hey, Tim Howard wants to know where you live?”
    The frigging best goalkeeper in the world? Should I invite him over for lunch?

  • May be some lurkers still think they will have dirty needle if they click the heart. No rush.

    • daisy

      Is that true?

      • What is?

        • daisy

          scientologist lurkers, then I answered my own question, maybe poor bastards.

          • If you ever have any questions/need help, ask away, don’t hesitate.

            • daisy

              Thanx Dodo Best breakup ever

            • No problemo

    • Still getting into the rhythm …

  • richelieu jr

    Allo me to share some of the revelations (The ‘Basics’) of my own, ‘LyingToYouAll0hGee!’ BM88²²²² Tech (pronounced ‘Blech!’)

    “BM”=”Basic Metric”, the absolutely scientific** and not at all silly***, way of measuring my absolutely proven*** BM (Basic Metrics= BUTT MONKEYS= The (totally non-imaginary monkeys that fly out of my butt doing great deeds) Technology, is the missing link between ont only Einstein’s Theory of Relativity (E=MC²t, or Everything equals Monkeys Concocting Little ‘Number Twos****) and Quantum Theory, but also Science and Religion with The Wizard of OZ and Fart Theory or HWSI=DI (“HE Who Smelt it= Dealt It”)

    In this, I posit that Gravity and Flight are both possible because the monkeys that fly out of my butt conspire to lift rockets up if enough high-octane fuel is burnt in their honour, to keep humanity on Earth (again, if enough pollutants are burnt every year to basically stink up the place).

    Similarly (‘simian-ly’?) aging is caused by funny little BMs scrunching up your face to make it look funny, boobs bounce because: Funny Monkeys, e tc.

    If you can prove me wrong, you are lying and also most likely have sex with monkeys.

    **(Not at ALL Scientific, n fact 100% RH-style Butt-Produced)
    ***(In Fact, it IS silly. Very, very silly indeed)
    ***(NOT at ALL PROVEN, approved only by morons and Independent Scientologists.)

    ****(Number Two means Poop, you Idiot!)

  • ReallyMGM

    For you listening enjoyment, The Replacements, doing “Alex Chilton” on Fallon. I always loved “XL Chitlin.”
    http://youtu.be/kXYsJafVAok

    Good night!

    • Veronica

      For some reason I’ve always liked the line “Fallin’ asleep with a flop pop video on.” Sometimes it’s stuck in my head for days.

      • ReallyMGM

        John Fry said it was a toss up as to who was the drunkest band to ever record at Ardent Studios, The ‘Mats or Primal Scream. Of course, Alex had wild sessions too.

  • richelieu jr

    NB: If the BTs didn’t want to “stick in the stuck point” they shouldn’t have dozed off in the wet spot.

    • Veronica

      Another tragic side effect of chronic restimulation.

      • LongtimeLurker
        • Veronica

          Thanks, Nick.

          • LongtimeLurker

            Stop staring at my wig.

            • Veronica

              Wait… what? Your wig? I just thought you were sitting in front of Mr. John Travolta, your co-star in John Woo’s 1997 comedy bromance Face/Off.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Ahhh, what a wonderful cinematic experience that was. Both to make AND to watch!

  • Shelly Britt Corrias

    Random: HBO is airing Going Clear again, today it showed at 4pm and 7pm. I know it’s available on demand but glad they’re airing it also. It was good to see it again.

    • ReallyMGM

      I have watched it several times on HBO GO. It will be there forever.

    • Nobody watches HBO these days.

      • ReallyMGM

        Because we are all watching men in kilts on Starz. Right PlanetJ?

          • ReallyMGM
            • LongtimeLurker

              Can I tell you something, but ask you not to tell anyone?

              I have a man-crush on “Black Jack” Randall.

              That’s so messed up…

            • Robert Eckert

              Should daisy be jealous?

            • LongtimeLurker

              Well, I’m straight, so I’m mashing it down.

              But anyway, I’m only Daisy’s B(b)FF – Dodo is her true love.

              *sniff*

            • daisy

              I am glad I came back, or I would have missed this exchange. Your straight ? I thought you said some you gay somewhere. I was so excited to tell everyone I had a new gay friend. Very exotic in my small town. I will now to have consider your worth as friend. I will get back to you.

            • LongtimeLurker

              You know I’m a guy right? Maybe that was the confusion?

              Maybe I made some kind of joke about another man-crush, and it didn’t come across as a joke?

              I have talked about women’s shoes a few times, but I’m into women’s fashion because I’m into women. But I suppose that could be confusing.

              Although I am super-sensitive and in touch with my feminine side, so that could also be why you thought it. ; )

              I feel really bad.

              I will happily pretend to be gay for a while if that helps? Also, if you bring any friends to the bunker, I can fake it for them.

              Get back to me…

            • daisy

              Are you black, cause if you are that’s exotic enough?

            • LongtimeLurker

              Nope. I got nothin’

              What a let down.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Also…sometimes I sign off with “Love” to both genders.

              I dunno.

              Maybe I did actually say “I’m gay.”

              What a bastard.

            • daisy

              Your not black, your not gay, you’ve ruined my whole day considering whether to keep you or not. It makes me seem shallow. Present me with your case by Sat. PS you don’t have to sell me on your sense of humor. I have that in the pro column already.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Damn. I’ll get on it.

            • ReallyMGM

              Black jack is a sadistic SOB. Out of character he looks fine.

            • Susan_Qbird_Poche

              someone needs to tweet Kim!

  • There’s something very strange about the Tom Cruise “where’s his mom/is she dead?” story… for a story to die this quickly is normal if it was only picked up by the tabloids… however when ‘Esquire’ is in the mix it does add a little weight… my spider senses tell that there’s something really stinky behind the scenes here….hmmm

    other ponderings:

    WTF where Apple thinking putting Travolta in their latest music service ad…. as a fanboy I was really annoyed and somewhat depressed..

    Self reminder to contact the people who gave Danny Masterson a new TV acting job and remind them about the curse of scientology…

    tbc

    • ReallyMGM

      A friend was an admin assistant at the Catholic Church Tom’s mom and stepdad used to belong to in Florida years ago. One day, she just vanished. Stepdad came back, but she never wrote a note to her friends, clergy, no one. Just gone. She was a church leader too. My friend was puzzled and that was my first intro to Scientology and disconnection. That’s Scientology for you.

    • Sarah James

      I would say this is strange, but we are talking about Tom Cruise and Scientology. If she is dead he won’t bother with tears.

    • LongtimeLurker

      “…contact the people who gave Danny Masterson a new TV
      acting job and remind them about the curse of scientology…”

      You should also remind them of the curse of Danny Masterson’s career, lack of acting ability, and his general unpleasantness, which somehow still manages to ooze out of the screen despite the fact that the shows were sometimes recorded years earlier.

      *shudder*

    • Intergalactic Walrus

      Ever hear of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”? Do Apple & CO$ have the same enemy now – Gibney? LOL

  • Lady Squash

    “Narcissists lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut you off at the knees to keep
    you indebted & coming back.” Lori Hoeck “Signs & Traits of Narcissists, Crazymakers, Emotional Manipulators, Unsafe People” mbnestblogspot.com

    Remind you of anyone?

    • Link needs a fix.

      • Lady Squash

        Thanks for pointing that out. I hope my “fix” fixed the problem. Keep me posted.

  • Veronica

    Weird. The cats have traded beds. Surely a sign of the coming apocalypse. Is everyone wearing clean underwear?

    • Enturbulated Masterbator

      That reminds me that the new season of The Leftovers begins next month. I love the oblique references to $cientology in it. It’s really well produced with great acting.

      • Veronica

        Never heard of it before, but I just looked it up. Will investigate further.

        • Enturbulated Masterbator

          Your apocalypse warning reminded me of that show because it is about a mysterious rapture. By the way, my male cat died at 13 in February and for years prior his sister who died when they were two used to visit regularly. I would see her walk down the hallway while her brother was outside asleep. So I became accustomed to apocalyptic cat signals. And the dogs…clueless!

      • LongtimeLurker

        Is it very…religiousy?*

        I keep meaning to check it out, but then I put it off.

        *Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my cup of tea.

        • Enturbulated Masterbator

          Not really. And I’m no longer religiousy myself. It focuses on how differently people react to a seemingly religious event. Predictably, there is a cult (they don’t speak, they smoke constantly and they disconnect from everyone — sound familiar? I wish $cientologist would take a clue and pipe down a little more often). But then others turn hedonistic (fun!) and so on. Plus, you get to see Mr. Justin Theroux shirtless and rockin’ that body while he is out for a jog in tight sweat pants! That’s reason enough to get on my knees and pray.

          • LongtimeLurker

            Well, that sounds good.

            I’ll check it out.

            For the record, I have no intrinsic problem with religious people. I’m just not.

    • My bad.

      • Veronica

        Is that St. Francis of Assisi?

        • Yes.

          • Veronica

            Hey!!!! Ding ding ding ding ding! What do I win? That cat doesn’t exactly look like he’s trying to get a blessing…

            • St. Francis loved and respected all living beings apparently and the cat above is simply returning a favor. You won 24 Bunker points, btw. Congrats and thank you, Veronica.

            • Veronica

              To me it looks like the cat is moving in for the kill.

            • Nah.

  • Happy Birthday to Mark Ebner!

    • Sarah James

      Happy Birthday Mark Ebner!

    • Eivol Ekdal

      Ha ha Dodo!
      🙂

      • Unfortunately, I am not the author of this wonderful photograph, Eivol.
        It’s pretty great though 🙂

    • Mockingbird

      Too wicked 🙂

    • Ella Raitch

      Hello sailor!

    • daisy

      Hey girl

  • OTD:OutTheDoor

    The first photo looks like the box cover for a gay porn.

    • Enturbulated Masterbator

      My thoughts exactly!

      • OTD:OutTheDoor

        Does the niacin remove chest hair? “No more pesky razors and waxing needed!!!! Just drop some niacin and hit the sauna with your buddies and poof – no more ghastly chest hair!!!!”

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      “Queer Body, Queer Mind”

  • daisy

    my

    • daisy

      You are tired , you actually voted for random mistake letters, that is too funny, but thank you

  • If you are still in, consider blowing for good this Thursday before 2pm.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xV93TlPv1M

    • Mockingbird

      Oooo Tool.

  • Eivol Ekdal

    Two ladies with whom you should not mess…

  • ReallyMGM

    I need a cat whisperer to explain the idiosyncrasies of my feline. After living without one for 20 years (good reason-the last one was an asshole) I just don’t understand the language she speaks. She is very sweet and affectionate, but I am missing out on so much more. Any good books? (I’ve trained dogs to highest levels of ACK obedience and agility trials so not a complete novice) I’ve thought about getting her a companion, but don’t want instant hate. I also have 2 medium sized dogs who are cat friendly, actually “cat-bored.”

    • They tend to use their selfies as avatars, for starters.

      • ReallyMGM

        Yes, she took over my computer and did away with the dog avatars. Self absorbed brat. (But I wuv her)

    • LongtimeLurker

      I recommend “Cats Are Cool & All, But You Can’t Have Too Many Dogs.” by L.T. Lurker.

      *ducks*

      • ReallyMGM

        LL, at one point I had eight dogs (pre, present, post show dogs-all pets) and 1 cat. Not ever going there again.

        • LongtimeLurker

          I’m gonna need to change the title to “Cats Are Cool & All, But You Can’t Have Too Many Dogs. Although 8 is Probably Too Many.”

      • Robert Eckert

        I recommend Richard Doggins

      • daisy

        Psst LL is Ardent a troll?What time is it there? Oh yeah now I totally want a duck

        • LongtimeLurker

          9pm. What time there?

          Not that I’m aware of. But I don’t know that I’ve had enough exchanges to be able to tell.

          Why, what happened?

          You can reply to one of my old comments from a previous day if you want some privacy. And then write over the top of your question here with “…” or whatever.

          Or not, we can keep talkin right here if you’d prefer.

          • daisy

            Oh no reason, nothing said ,just a silly hunch.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Wellll…I’ll keep my eyes open… ; {

              Should we each overwrite our comments here?

              Is that unethical? I dunno.

            • daisy

              You don’t want to ask me about ethics, mine are similar to TC but I am not going to say anything bad, except about you know scientology. Is overwriting them meaning editing after the fact? It is very funny to hear people describe their pets as assholes.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Yeah, edit after, exactly.

              Just hit “edit” under the comment, delete everything and type 3 dots or a number or whatever.

              Repeat for each comment.

              It’ll look weird, but we’re not the first to do it.

              You’ll need to put a slightly different thing in each message, because Disqus stops you from exactly copying a “comment” you already made.

              Does that all make sense?

            • daisy

              Yes but I will forget the instructions. Maybe that discus thing is what happ

            • LongtimeLurker

              I want to help…but…

              And yeah, you might have accidentally typed over. I’ve done it.

            • LongtimeLurker

              Saw your duck edit.

              Lol!

              Well done.

    • Susan_Qbird_Poche
      • I just want to thank you for this pic.

        • Susan_Qbird_Poche

          It’s a real book Dodo, no kidding – I found it in the humor section of a book store…. there are more wonderful photos inside. Haha ~ )

  • http://k36.kn3.net/029CC00E2.jpg

    ‘Night, Bunker. Trust yourselves. I’ll try and do the same 🙂

    • SP Wogsy

      My muslimah friend got me hooked on Rumi in my early twenties. The most beautiful poetry out there for the soul.

  • Mockingbird

    I just found a real treat. A short YouTube video where Hubbard is Hubbard. Denying Christ ? Check , Denying God ? Check Running body thetans ? Check Acting fucking bonkers ? Checkaroo.
    https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Ms3J0KM-HvU

    • LongtimeLurker

      “This is factual.” – Nope.

      Ass.

      • scottmercer

        “You’d be surprised how warm space is.” Nope.

        • LongtimeLurker

          He was so…yeah…you know what I mean…

  • ReallyMGM

    Several years ago I tool a mild dose (250 mg slo-Niacin) along with my statin drug to do something to my cholesterol. I was under the care of a board certified endocrinologist w/ ties to the university for his research. My blood work was checked monthly. Other than the first 3 days I never had any flushing symptoms, and they were mild due to the suggestions the dr gave me to help. (Take with aspirin, Benadryl, and applesauce). After 3 days, I didn’t notice a thing except my triglycerides did improve. I never knew about the Scientology scandal about purif until reading here. But my experience was TOTALLY different…because doctor!!! (And not a Scientology dr either!)

    My husband did not have the same reaction to Niaspan (a medication), but had none of the extra support either even though he was under the care of a top cardiologist. We both stopped after a few months, but there were no lasting effects. He did have a flushing episode while driving that ended it for him! But he was lax with taking his meds and was constantly having to go through the flush every time he restarted. (That was HIS fault!) It was amusing when he ran out in the backyard in his underwear in the dead of winter to cool off. And yes, I laughed my ass off!

    The jury is still out whether mild doses of niacin help with cholesterol. Some hospitals say no, some well-regarded ones say try it. Bottom line: don’t try withou at Drs help and regular bloodworm on liver function.

    L Ron and Scientology tends to take a good idea, mash it around, and make a giant mess of things with everything they do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize 5000mg of any supplement isn’t safe without careful testing. Shame on them for hurting people.

    I never sat in a sauna!

    EDIT: excuse typos

    • LongtimeLurker

      “…take a good idea, mash it around, and make a giant mess of things with everything they do…”

      1) – Talking to an objective 3rd-party about your problems = potentially a good idea.

      2) – Talking to a 3rd-party with a hidden agenda about your problems while you hold magic cans and they charge you a fortune then make you disconnect from your family and later sit in a sauna for 5 hours = probably a less good idea.

      • ReallyMGM

        After reading about purif first time, I thought I was at CoS dr. but no it was used a lot at one time with low doses and blood work to check for liver damage. Did freak me out. And was funny hubby running into yard in his tightly-whighties to cool off.

    • kemist

      I think some studies have shown that niacin does not prevent cardiac events in people at risk and even increased overall mortality in some cases, that is why a lot of doctors have stopped prescribing it.

      There are also a lot of people now who are disputing the whole strategy of treating cholesterol levels, especially as low HDL and high triglycerides are much better predictors of heart disease than total cholesterol or LDL. And one thing that is more and more apparent in recent studies is that triglycerides seem to be driven up by sugar intake. The evidence is so convincing that the American Heart Association has advised daily maximum consumption levels of 6 teaspoons for women, 9 teaspoons for men (about 1/4 of the current national average).

    • Robert Eckert

      “regular bloodworm on liver function” It did take me a second.

  • ReallyMGM

    For Jazlover who I haven’t seen lately…
    http://youtu.be/0rrqBsG1yXs

    Not only could Gram write and sing, he was a hottie.

    • LongtimeLurker

      He’s still alive, was here around noon, I think.

  • TheMirrorThetan

    Thanks so much, Jeff for another great article.
    I don’t thank you for the massive headache from reading all the Hubbard utter unfounded ridiculous bullshit though 🙂

    “Iam honest. Iam sincere.”What a effing joke. The dentally challenged arsehole scam artist, did nothing BUT lie.
    And the fact that to this day there are some bloody gormless idiots who still eat this shit up as the gosple truth really pisses me off.

  • LongtimeLurker

    Oh blissfully unaware, accidentally self-mocking irony, thy name is Scientologist.
    Refresh for idiocy

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1607e408a6b517a41c3ea5e5b136e4a8b8fa8121e9f51ab65f91ee0532cbcd3e.png

    • SP Wogsy

      Chill E.B. doesn’t know half of what this quote means.

    • Intergalactic Walrus

      I doubt that there is much bliss in the Chili Bowl these days. Remember when we was boasting, a few weeks ago about it being “Chill E. B. Day? Well his clam friend (Lush’s Python guy) tweeted his congratulations and included the proclamation. It’s from 1992!!! Was this back when he actually had a career? It was for working with “Just Say No” not any CO$ front groups. I wonder if he was even a clam in 1992. Ha!

      https://twitter.com/johnalexwood/status/638579708993662976

      • ReallyMGM

        John Alex Wood is the spookiest little CoS troll to come around in a while. The wife/fiancé if the Eric idle dating service is just odd. Eric Idle and Monty Python should sue their asses.

        • Intergalactic Walrus

          If I were a Python I’d make sure authorities had his name in case anything were to ever happen to me. LOL He also loves to re-tweet comments about the CO$ and often he seems not to realize that they are not complimentary. He even re-weeted the one about the CO$ couch! SMH. These clams are such a strange lot.

          • LongtimeLurker

            The “parody account that turned out not to be a parody” Clam actor favorited a tweet exchange between PlanetJ and myself, saying “Holy crap, looks like he’s real, can you believe it?” and the hashtag #GoingClear IIRC.

            I don’t know if it attracts a certain percentage of people with no understanding of irony, sarcasm or more general humor, or if it sucks those things out of people over time.

            • Intergalactic Walrus

              If they had it before they joined, its just a matter of time before its gone. Look at Kirstie, Cruise, etc. If they have a sense of humor left at all its vicious or maniacal or just creepily “off”. Hopefully it returns for most after they leave but you never know. Scary.

            • LongtimeLurker

              You’re right. And don’t forget hBhohdhi and Jenna’s not-funny sex jokes.

              At least it seems to have come back for almost all our exes!

            • Intergalactic Walrus

              Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
              (refresh)

            • LongtimeLurker

              …yeah…

      • LongtimeLurker

        I was aHEM*cough*snort in 1992 and working in the music industry. And reading a lot of trade and popular press.

        And while it’s possible I’ve heard the name Chill E.B. and forgotten it…I think it’s more likely to be true that “I’d never heard of the guy until The Bunker.”

        Not that that is how I judge someone’s value as an artist. But he’s the one who opened the “I’m Famous” door with his “Chill E.B. Day” BS.

        • Intergalactic Walrus

          So hometown boy gets acknowledged for making a few records and telling kids to stay away from drugs in schools. Its a nice honor but nothing to brag about 23 years later. It was for ONE DAY – in 1992, not an annual thing in perpetuity! YEESH! Not many highlights in his career apparently. He’s not even on the bill for that CCINT concert with the guy from Sugar Ray. Looks like he only plays Orgs and judging by the promos, most of the attendees there are around 70 yrs old. Rapping for senior citizens, what a WIN!

          • LongtimeLurker

            Xenu, that’s depressing.

    • GrandEclectus

      It’s a turvy topsy world they live in. The myth of ADHD. Brilliant thought stopping there! Magician’s misdirection.

      The myth is psychiatry, not Scientology. Oh, no. That’s all perfectly legit. And john alex was facepalming!!! Not hard enough.

      • LongtimeLurker

        ikr?

        You silly wogs with your INSANE myths, like…science that says thoughts don’t have mass.

        Or science that says E-Meter readings can be easily distorted.

        Or documented proof that L Ron Hubbard plagiarized and lied.

        Silly, silly wogs.

  • ReallyMGM

    Jeff writes the best articles. Breaks the down so the never-in can under stand, yet leaves the parts for the veteran survivors of the cult. I always look forward to his articles.

  • Mockingbird

    Hilarious video for Scientologists.
    https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=1OedkyxEqtA

    • jane456

      Do you know the apocolypse song; “apocolypse, apocolypse. we caused it with our dumbness”. Thank the great Tina Fey, woo hoo.

      Sadly, might be the way things go in the end. The great Chris Rock with my editing; ” People love not to know”. It’s very comforting, to be a dolt.

  • Mockingbird
  • LongtimeLurker

    Ooooh, Chill E.B. has turned his Twitter rage from Marc Headley to me, because I jumped on the bandwagon.

    Exciting! Expecting a block any second!

    • Pierrot

      When do you sleep? what time is it at your place?

      • LongtimeLurker

        Not often enough. And 7pm.

        I have insomnia. A couple of times a week I can’t sleep without heavy medication, which I kinda don’t like to use too often.

        I slept between 4am and 8am this morning, then did IRL stuff and then came back to the Bunker a couple of hours ago.

        I’m doing work in another window, so it’s not like I’m only Tweeting/Bunkering.

        Not that there would be anything wrong with that.

        • daisy

          You are my soul mate. I get insomnia several times a week, only I don’t have a real life so its bothersome.

          • LongtimeLurker

            My real life is pretty sparse, girl. I can assure you of that. ; )

            Sorry to hear you get it too. It sucks.

          • Madison KinSmed

            Daisy, are we twins by different mothers? ((Daisy))

    • Intergalactic Walrus

      Can Tony Ortega live without saying Chili Bean’s name? Really? Someone is delusional. His moot/mute understanding = hilarious. If everyone agreed to “never debate with a fool” his twitter feed would flatline. He needs to rethink that quote. 🙂

      • LongtimeLurker

        You saw all that? Pretty great, eh? His stuff, I mean.

        I might post it all as a little story late this afternoon.

        He didn’t block me though, kudos to him there.

        • Intergalactic Walrus

          Yes, post it! He may not know that you can be blocked. He doesn’t appear to be too bright. And lets face it, about the only folks who tweet him are a couple of clams and his wife. Apparently he has no fan base.

          • LongtimeLurker

            Cool, I will.

            You might be right. Poor guy.

            If we get into it again in the future, I might finish by saying “you know you can block me, dude?”

            His wife?!?!?!

            Must have missed those. Wow.

            • Observer

              They spent their honeymoon doing the Purif. I am not joking.

            • LongtimeLurker

              I refuse to acknowledge this reality and am substituting my own, where they did something nice instead.

        • GrandEclectus

          I think there’s a good guy under the Scientology crap. Although I suspect he’s taken a turn for the worse with his latest rants. He’s buds with WestGarth…I mean, wow. Just g’ah!!!
          Cults hijack our desire to do good, improve our lives. Turn people into blithering idiots, steeped in crazy beliefs.

          I look at him, and I think of Isaac Hayes, who was likely ALLEGEDLY possibly doing the purif when he passed. Such great talent destroyed. Heartbreaking.

          • LongtimeLurker

            I hadn’t heard that. That Purif shit needs to stop.

            I think there’s good under many – our exes show that, yeah?

            I probably should have started the way I finished, by encouraging him to get out.

            When you start with the snark, people don’t listen.

            But it got my dander up the way he was talking to Marc Headley (not because it was Marc, because it was that cruel attack stuff they do).

            • GrandEclectus

              Yeah, he doesn’t know from the abuses of the cult. A few months ago, my friends were out and out attacking HIM. He was very cool about it. But tweeting “you’re a nobody” or “you support an evil cult that abuses children” does nothing except make him feel superior.

              Now HE’S the one accusing people of being liars etc, all that crud. He was really tacky to Marc and others. Scientology got to him. Very sad!!!

            • LongtimeLurker

              Yeah, that “nobody” stuff is useless and makes the person saying it look bad.

              I might have drifted close to that with my “why are you responding?” Tweet, but what I was actually going for was “they’ve undermined your potential.”

              But 140 chracters is hard.

    • GrandEclectus

      Sad. ChillEB thinks he’s a crusader for good.

      Great day on Twitter with the entire chorus of Scientology wacky true believers. Chill EB getting into it was priceless. I tweeted his “Prove It” song after he flubbed proving this silly statements about the existence of ADHD. He should stick with rap and commercial jingles.

      That seems to be their latest tact: Let’s pester people with ADHD. It’s a spectacular failure. The targets may have ADHD, but they get really focused when John Alex Wood

      I often say Scientology is not a religion, but perhaps it’s not that simple. The victims use the same lame apologetics.

      “What if you’re wrong?”
      “If only you would just read L.Ron Hubbard, you would understand what a genius he is.”
      “You have no understanding of what you’re fighting against.”
      “If you don’t believe the same thing I do, you are a bigot.”

      Geez, Apple’s Suri gives less mechanical responses.

      Keep up the good work. The clams are a-chattering! I’ll grab some popcorn!

      • LongtimeLurker

        “Apple’s Suri” lol. God you’re right. She does seem more human than some of them.

        Wow.

      • LongtimeLurker

        Holy cow, I only just saw the photo.

        I just…what?

        Can you buy those or did Mr & Mrs Chill get it made special? What the hell is going on in the Chill house? I feel bad for them now. I wish I’d been 15% less snarky.

        Also, I didn’t know he was 6’5″. Now I’m kinda afraid of him.

  • Pierrot

    *** RED X +–+ Reminder +–+ RED X *** Thursday, 03 September 2015.

    Good morning Night Owls and Early Birds,

    Yesterday: New York scraped in and saved the day.
    Tampa is spamming 12 X Do you want to know the truth about Scientology? Whithin 2 hours (See Regional list & Spamtrack)

    RedX tips & Complaints procedure are now included in the google doc under the RedXTips tab.

    Flag the lies, whack a few bait & switch ads : https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1-Kvg78kCcvo5gL7UfPcmhmbsagTNtdj0y2LAiHVFrCU/pubhtml

    F5… Tenebris by Octobre Rouge enhanced by DodoTheLaser for RedX, flickred by Aeger Primo https://www.flickr.com/photos/120371503@N05/14975359684/in/set-72157642802079293

  • Mockingbird

    Just left elle a bunch of presents !

    • LongtimeLurker

      I’ve been avoiding it.

      I noticed in my Disqus alerts that “infinefettle” had responded with some worthless pseudo-insults to some things I said 2 days ago.

      • Mockingbird

        Well, you can always leave them alone. You have no order from Xenu to engage !

        • LongtimeLurker

          I know, lol.

          Just thought there were enough good arguments being made, didn’t want to muddy the waters.

          The comments must be up to 1200 or something, right? Crazy.

          • Mockingbird

            Elle just accused me of thinking !!!

            • LongtimeLurker

              Like, as if it’s a bad thing?

              Because after THR, she came back here, went to one of my comments on a week old post and left this poisonous little message that was something like “You just keep thinking and wondering and reasoning and learning. You’ll see.”

              Like as if all those things are stupid or bad. How’s that for batshit? Was that the kind of thing she said to you?

              It’s also…stalkery.

              Careful Mockingbird, you keep pushing her buttons she’ll get her fascination on. ; )

            • Mockingbird

              Ha ! She’s the least of my problems .

            • LongtimeLurker

              (hug) ; )

    • Madison KinSmed

      M-bird, saw your presents for elle. You rock!

      • Mockingbird

        Aw ( blushing while moving my foot back and forth and looking at the ground ), thanks.

  • romanesco

    When I create my goofball religion, I’m basing it on the works of Frank Herbert.

    • noseinabk

      How are your eyes doing today roman?

    • Jack99

      Duneology? I’d sign up.

    • LongtimeLurker

      Muad’Dib, the Lisan al-Gaib (“Voice from the Outer World”), the Mahdi, “The One Who Will Lead Us to Paradise”, the Kwisatz Haderach…

      He suffered the spice agony, gained the knowledge of all his ancestors, killed sixty billion people, lost his sight to a stone burner and was murdered by his sister’s priests…for you!

      Why not ask about Muad’Dibology at your local Fremen Sietch Center today!

    • Tim Brown

      Good choice.
      It’s already spawned a really terrible movie and a fairly rubbish mini-series, so you are
      good to go!

      Neither of them are Battlefield Earth bad.
      But, honestly, what is?

  • LongtimeLurker
  • Valkov

    I think your headline for this article is misleading, in that, all theory aside, the rundown is likely to have some kind of measurable effects on a body which can be scientifically determined.

    • Lionel Drinkwater

      Valkov: Scientology has billions of dollars. Why have they never funded a study to determine the science of the Purif? Absent scientific evidence, the Purif must remain pseudoscience at best and dangerous quackery at worst./

      Scientology and Narconon need to put up or shut up: Fund a study at an impartial university by real scientists, doctors, biochemists, and other specialists or come out and announce niacin drops BT’s out of chronic restim. Get real science or stop lying and admit to what Hubbard said is really going on during the Purif.

      • Valkov

        Of course you did not reply to my point at all. Why not?

      • Valkov

        I don’t disagree with you, but it still doesn’t respond to my stated point – that it can be studied by science without accepting its theoretical or doctrinal basis. The actual physical and mental/emotional(anecdotal) results can be studied. Just as a person can do the Purif process without believing anything about it. I’m not talking about Narconon here. That is obviously a program that has probably not helped a lot of people. I’m talking about the Purif procedure itself. What effects, physical, mental, emotional does it have on a person? That can be studied by science. In fact it apparently is, in the government trials currently in progress.

        Why hasn’t the Church “submitted” it for study? To whom? Maybe they did, and that’s how this particular study came about? You are apparently convinced it doesn’t accomplish anything constructive. That’s your “belief”. The scientologists already believe it does – why should they seek proof? Just like any other believers they have faith, not proof.

        Anyway, I can restate my point endlessly and you may not get it. But I have stated it as clearly as I can. It’s in my OP on this thread.

    • Tim Brown

      Okay, I’ll bite.
      In what sense is the headline is misleading?

      Certainly Scientology could submit its drug rehab quackery to scientific review. Nothing is stopping it
      from doing so. Apart from the knowledge that it’s utter drivel and any serious
      review by qualified and independent scientists would prove conclusively that it
      is baseless quackery, and dangerous to boot.

      That’s pretty much what the story is all about, so the headline is spot on. However, if you still have
      any issues, maybe adding a few words to Tony’s headline would clear things right
      up. How about:

      Why Scientology can never submit its drug rehab quackery to
      scientific review AND EXPECT ANYTHING BUT RIDICULE!

      Works for me

      • Valkov

        My statement was simple. The effects, or lack of such, on a body could be tested to see what they are, if any. They may not be what Hubbard or scientologists think they are; that’s not my point. My point is that any extensive procedure can be tested for its results/effects. That is what science is all about. “Let’s observe it and see what it’s all about”. Your declaration that i”It’s all quackery” is simply a statement of faith, like a religious belief, absent any scientific testing. You want it to be true, but have no proof it is true.
        Insistiing the Church itself must submit it somewhere for validation is silly. Where would it be submitted? Who would test it? Who would want to go to all the trouble and expense?
        Anyway, maybe it doesn’t eliminate drug residues but has other effects. Maybe its a good weight-loss program. Maybe it has other effects. If you Google “detox” you will get a wealth of results and systems for it. Evidently people think there’s something to the subject. In the meantime the government is trying it out on people who need something. That is exactly the “testing” some people here are calling for, so I say all well and good.
        That’s science. Test and observe the rsults. It doesn’t matter what Hubbard’s theory about it was. It’s the actual effects/results that matter. Are there any? That’s the question. Theorizing can come later. That’s science.

  • allioops

    OK, in a nut shell (?) I was on “course” and it was announced that the Radiation out there will kill us all. Everyone on the bridge, or on course must go on the purif. I wrote a letter to LRH saying that I had never used any drugs or much meds and felt that i did not need to do this. “he” answered. The letter said that he never heard of anyone not needing the Purif. Ironically, some years late (about 8) I met a very attractive woman who said: “Oh, I was exempt from the Purif.” I wanted to scream. Maybe that was when I started to question the “rulings & demands” of the cult.
    The Purif then was running for hours, breaking a sweat, & then the sauna until a cognition was obtained. The concoction of Niacin, cal mag & vinegar was absolutely undrinkable..But I choked it down. The sauna was not too clean (NYC Org.) and played a radio that was controlled by anyone who got there first. When I arrived 1st one time, another couple demanded I change to their choice. Very theta! I had just given birth to my first kid, and was nursing. I still had to drink the garbage and etc.

  • LongtimeLurker

    Well that sounds like a great use of it. That, I can get behind.

  • LongtimeLurker

    Oh no.

    Now I feel really bad.

    Why Chill, why?

  • LongtimeLurker

    Can one tell when one has been blocked on Twitter? It gives you a notification, right?

    I’m a Twit-noob.

    • GrandEclectus

      On PC, if you’re logged in, you will get a notice you’ve been blocked.
      On my iPad, there’s a bug and I can see their tweets if I visit their page.

      However, if you try a direct RT or a fav, u will not be able to on an acct that’s blocked you.

      I block most of THEM, so I can’t see their tweets in conversations.

      They don’t want to discuss…they jusy want to attack me. I don’t play that.

      • LongtimeLurker

        Good to know.

  • Ben Franklin

    The Church of Scientology is indeed a hate group. One of the best arguments I have ever come across for classifying the Church of Scientology as a hate group was made by Michael Pattinson in this interview:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3zcGqt8nGo

  • Adrian Bailey

    When I joined the (ahem) church, it was very clear that the first step on my journey was the Purification Rundown (i.e. Narconon). And it became clear later that it is also one of many aspects of Scientology that are advertised without mention of the cult, in order to draw people in. Other examples being TWTH, LITE, Applied Scholastics, CCHR, and so on.

  • ArthurApplebee

    Back in 2005, when I was being “regged” by the IAS, We were told that the IAS was funding an independent study by qualified doctors of the “Drug Rundown”. The sauna, the niacin, the running – the whole deal. We were assured that THIS would definitively prove that Hubbard’s “tech” was valid and the BEST solution.
    Since then, nothing. I’m sure the independent study was done. And I’m sure the church ensured that all participants were bonded to secrecy (just in case the study did NOT prove what they expected).
    And, sure enough, nothing was released.