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Scientology posts the new ad that will likely be its Super Bowl entry this year

SciAd6

 
The new ad that Scientology uploaded to its website right around midnight on New Year’s Eve is now on Scientology’s YouTube page, and so we can embed it, below.

As we said on Jan 1, we assume that this is new ad, which we now learn carries the title “Who Am I?”, will probably be the one that Scientology airs during the Super Bowl this year.

In the last few years, Scientology has purchased the local ad spots in some cities in order to air one of its Apple Computer-like commercials during the big game. This enables Scientology to avoid the huge cost of a national spot, which this year is nearing $5 million for a 30-second ad. The Scientology spot tends to come up right at the end of the first half of play, and, as in past years, we’ll be checking for Twitter reactions to find out which cities get to see it.

There’s actually a pattern to which cities see the ad. We learned from an internal Scientology communication that leader David Miscavige rewards cities that complete their “Ideal Org” purchase and renovation by showing the ad in their city. The notion behind that is that the Super Bowl commercial will produce a rush of interest in the church, and so an Ideal Org has to be in place to handle the crowds. (There’s actually no evidence that Ideal Orgs are attracting new people.) It’s also a subtle way to punish the Scientologists in those cities that haven’t come up with the cash to finish their Ideal Org projects.

Will that pattern hold this year? We’ll soon find out. Super Bowl 50 will be played on February 7 in Santa Clara, California at Levi’s Stadium, where the 49ers play their regular season games.

The video you see here is just over a minute long, so the ad that will air will be a cut-down, 30 second version. Imagine the tough choices that Miscavige will have to make deciding which lines to cut from this epic tone poem….

 

 
We live in an age of technological wonder
Extended life
Endless connections
Limitless possibilities
At the touch of a button
In a fraction of a second
The world’s knowledge at our fingertips
A seemingly infinite source of answers
To any question we might ask
Except for one
The one we thirst for
The one that leads to understanding
Our world
Our choices
Ourselves
The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality
Who am I?

 
The ad is very much a “mystery sandwich,” the product that L. Ron Hubbard said he was offering the public in Scientology. Of course the ads never give a hint that getting involved in Scientology will mean constant pressure to fork over huge amounts of money to assure your “eternity,” and eventually using its counseling techniques to rid yourself of invisible alien soul-entities.

But then, Super Bowl ads aren’t really known for their truth in advertising.

 
——————–

Bonus photos from our tipsters

More images from the New Year’s Eve party at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

 
NYE16kNYE16lNYE16m

 
——————–

3D-UnbreakablePosted by Tony Ortega on January 5, 2016 at 07:00

E-mail tips and story ideas to tonyo94 AT gmail DOT com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

Our book, The Unbreakable Miss Lovely: How the Church of Scientology tried to destroy Paulette Cooper, is on sale at Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions. We’ve posted photographs of Paulette and scenes from her life at a separate location. Reader Sookie put together a complete index. More information about the book, and our 2015 book tour, can also be found at the book’s dedicated page.

Learn about Scientology with our numerous series with experts…

BLOGGING DIANETICS: We read Scientology’s founding text cover to cover with the help of L.A. attorney and former church member Vance Woodward
UP THE BRIDGE: Claire Headley and Bruce Hines train us as Scientologists
GETTING OUR ETHICS IN: Jefferson Hawkins explains Scientology’s system of justice
SCIENTOLOGY MYTHBUSTING: Historian Jon Atack discusses key Scientology concepts

Other links: The Lisa McPherson story told in real time | The Cathriona White stories | The Leah Remini ‘Knowledge Reports’ | Hear audio of a Scientology excommunication | Scientology’s little day care of horrors | Whatever happened to Steve Fishman? | Felony charges for Scientology’s drug rehab scam | PZ Myers reads L. Ron Hubbard’s “A History of Man” | Scientology’s Master Spies | Scientology’s Private Dancer | The mystery of the richest Scientologist and his wayward sons | Scientology’s shocking mistreatment of the mentally ill | The Underground Bunker’s Official Theme Song | The Underground Bunker FAQ

Our Guide to Alex Gibney’s film ‘Going Clear,’ and our pages about its principal figures…
Jason Beghe | Tom DeVocht | Sara Goldberg | Paul Haggis | Mark “Marty” Rathbun | Mike Rinder | Spanky Taylor | Hana Whitfield

 

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  • Bhob

    I think they need to add more lens flares.

  • Sejanus

    Who am I?

    For the answer to this and much more, let us turn to the source of all wisdom…Tropic Thunder

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8nh6aXeO_E0

    • beauty for ashes

      I wish they gave best a comedy actor Oscars separately. This would’ve won Robert Downey Jr one!

  • Ben Franklin

    What makes it difficult to know who you are, is when you rely upon others to tell you who you are.

  • Asillem4

    The first few seconds will not bring the call to action Scientology is hoping for; people will realize they have to pee and go to the bathroom.

    • $cnMonkeyNut$

      That happened to you too? The cats were comfortable and everything :)

    • Allie

      And get more beer, nachos, chips, wings, whatevs and wait for the “really” good commercials.
      Another Scn fail.

  • BosonStark

    Who am I? I’m an immortal spiritual bean, who is covered in dead space alien souls that were blasted out of volcanoes 75 million years ago by Xenu the evil galactic overlord. What level can I start at?

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      Spiritual beans make heartwarming soup.

      • Glen

        Bean there, done that.

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          Bean away, eh?

        • beauty for ashes

          **tee hee**

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        When carefully roasted, then immersed in hot water until the essence makes a delicious infusion, they can make a great wake up potion.

  • MostEthicalPimp

    Is posting the ad now a way of trying to get the J&D out of the way so we forget to do it when it airs in whale occupied markets? Because that ain’t going to work!

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      The Bunker running out of snark? Hmmmm. My magic 8 ball, which is never wrong, sez:

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        shouldn’t that be billion? 😉

        • $cnMonkeyNut$

          47 x eleventy billion :)

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          I’m gonna ask Amazon for a replacement now

      • Ben Franklin

        You will need a bigger ball than that, maybe two, just to be on the safe side.

  • chukicita

    Here’s an ad with more truthiness, based on Newiga’s adaptation posted earlier:

    https://youtu.be/ZtyiWPPtB0Y

    • Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn)

      Brava to Chuki and Newi!

      *standing ovation*

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      That had to be a blast to make!

      • chukicita

        I’m not real good at powerpoint but it’s fun to learn. 😀

    • Newiga

      OMX!! I love it, Chukicita!!! xxoo

      • chukicita

        Thanks for letting me use your adaptation.

        The music was arranged and performed by some music friends some years back. One is a cutting-edge composer, another an esteemed executive director of an outstanding regional orchestra. Their arrangement of “Tell Me Something Good” for banjo and tuba is …unique, and I thought it was particularly fitting.

        • OOkpik

          Brilliant! Thanks to all of you.

    • Sid

      Brilliant!

    • Alice Graves

      My new wet dream scenario is their Super Bowl ad being pirated by some brave soul in their production dept. and re-worked into a snarkfest version that plays instead. It doesn’t hurt to dream….

      • chukicita

        Here’s hoping you just planted a seed.

    • beauty for ashes

      I’m going to watch it again and again!

      • chukicita

        Please don’t hurt yourself!

    • Juicer77

      This is soooooo good! The music is making my skin crawl, and I’m sure that’s what you were going for.

      • chukicita

        My work is done.

        • Jenyfurrrrr

          I love the #thanks LEGOLand at the end tie-in. And I love that it’s become “a thing!”

          • chukicita

            Thank you for noticing! I’m still waiting to hear back from the letter I sent to them.

            • Jenyfurrrrr

              I can’t believe they STILL haven’t responded to that!!?!!

    • Sherbet

      Siskel and Sherbet give it four thumbs up. More, if we had them.

      • JanInThePan

        I’d give it thumbs up too, if I had hands. So.. a wink for ‘well done’.

    • Qbird

      wow wow wow – standing clapping!

    • Jenyfurrrrr

      This is (awesome) TRUTH! Love it!!! You gots SKILLZ!

  • Ben Franklin

    Who am I? “I am a legendary hero sailing a powerful ship on an epic journey.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHwVyplU3Pg

  • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

    It’s COLD outside. I have to walk less than 100ft (thank you google maps) to my neighbor’s house, as I’m cat sitting for them for a week. I’m trying to psyche myself up for the long arduous frigid journey. I think I’ll wait til around 4:30 or so, then I might be able to catch the crow crews flying to wherever their home is. I’d LOVE to know where the North Hill Crows roost!!

    • Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn)

      North Hill Crows – cool name for a gang :-)

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        It is! :) Better than some of the ‘real’ gang names around here—which are just weird! Three Kings, F.O.G. (Fraternity of Gwap), Northside Hoods…..I mean, think of branding…..wherever F.O.G. has tagged places, the O gets replaced with an A….that particular gang is more than likely behind my neighbor’s murder and they’re why Eddie’s house has an extensive security system—-my friend who lived there, her son is a police officer and that gang put a hit on him AND his family and had broke into all their houses to get the layout before their ‘assassin squad’ went in….the house was empty about 3 years before Eddie moved in but the home alarm system remains, as my neighbor had to get out in the middle of the night—-the night my neighbor was murdered…..and that gang put a hit on him and his family because he arrested one of their uncles for felony child sex abuse……

        i could write a book about this neighborhood!!! i’d have to include all the police reports, documents, videos, photos though cuz sometimes it’s even hard for ME to believe all the shit that happens around here—-and i have a front row seat!!!

        • $cnMonkeyNut$

          Just the one, Miss Tia? By the sound of it, you have enough material for a twenty volume epic! :)

          • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

            shit, i’ve said for years if i wrote about my life i’d have to have a volume for each ‘topic’: neighborhoods; jobs; boyfriends; school; etc…..i know i observe more than most people; but DAMN do i end up in strange places/situations!!

            somehow i’ve ended up being the neighborhood historian and i know a lot of the history around and this area has ALWAYS been strange and has had some horrible tragic deaths and other incidents……i really think eddie might have been on something when he suggested this area might have an Indian curse!! they lived here a couple hundred years ago…….

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      fuck it, the temp is dropping and i’m gonna FREEZE…..going now, then gonna bake cookies and some thai cabbage noodle recipe i just found…..

    • Cedilla

      ” I’m trying to psyche myself up for the long arduous frigid journey”

      Hitch a ride on the Crowe Zeppelin.

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        LOL!!! I went before they went home as it was getting colder out. I also didn’t want to go over there in the dark, as I wasn’t sure if he had left any lights on—he had, I’m gonna switch what lights are on during the week. I did see young Mr. Hawk circling about a block over but I didn’t have my camera on me cuz COLD and no way I could’ve taken pix.

    • beauty for ashes

      As I left to get my labs done, a flock of birds went overhead, and I told my mom about your crow video. Coincidentally I think this happened at the same time you wrote this! Toootally OT bunker sooper powerz!

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        It’s my mission to get on film that huge thousand + flock Eddie’s son and I saw last week! Hopefully they’ll do that closer to my house next time!

        That’s total serendipity, or is that synchronicity? Yeah, Bunker OT SP Powers!!! 😀

  • Nicole Natalie Patterson

    Their ads are so clinical

  • Acherontia

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK2B5ffWR6g
    Asks the “Who am I?” question better, I think.

  • Mark

    Finally! Jim Mathers does something besides cheating people on their utility bills by demonstrating some of those elusive OT powers… just not very nice ones, that’s all. (Refresh the Purell and wet-wipes):

    • MostEthicalPimp

      Now that OT ability might be worth a few dollars and some abuse!

      • Mark

        Provided it doesn’t involve getting any fingers caught, that is…

    • Sherbet

      Dyin’ laughing here, Mark.

  • http://umbraxenu.no-ip.biz/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page RMycroft

    They’ll be hearing from Kosh’s lawyers, Morden & Associates, for trademark infringement.
    ..
    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/babylon5/images/3/3d/Koshlight.jpg

    • MostEthicalPimp

      Never thought about Babylon 5 and scientology. Given that the Vorlons implanted all the younger races to see them as their religions Angeles! Of course, LRH would be on the shadows side.

      • http://umbraxenu.no-ip.biz/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page RMycroft

        The Vorlons and Shadows weren’t good and evil. The Vorlons kept Jack the Ripper on retainer after all, so maybe they’d have a use for Elron?

        The Vorlon question was “Who are you?”
        The Shadows’ was “What do you want?”

        • MostEthicalPimp

          well maybe. I think what I am more referring to is that Vorlons are kind of more like xenu and give the illusion of peace and cooperation as the keys to growth while they real are in-charge while the shadows believe that conflict, suffering and stepping on the people below you are the keys to growing as a society. I might not be one hundred percent on point here it’s been a while since I watched the show and last time I binged watched it while cleaning up the house like 10+ years ago.

          • MostEthicalPimp

            See the Original OT8 materials. They tell you that LRH is on Lucifer* side and that the peace and love for all lies told by the marcab.

            *Which is of course funny because Lucifier is not the devil.

      • http://scicrit.wordpress.com Once_Born

        I see Hubbard as a minor functionary in the Night Watch, who enjoyed informing on people and humiliating them, but was in constant trouble with his superiors for overreaching his authority.

        He was so annoying that his boss was about to hand him over to the Psy Core so that they could practice mindwiping. However, he escaped B5 just in time, with funds he has embezzled from Lurkers and a few useful idiots.

        He used the money to found his own tiny, theocratic colony. It survives by exporting low-quality bullshit to the rest of the galaxy. Neverthless, Hubbard lived in luxury for a number of years, before going into hiding (apparently something to do with a joke involving Mr Garibaldi’s shampoo which went badly wrong).

        He spent his final years in a small starship hiding in hyperspace, only popping out now and again to contribute some new BS to the planetary economy and check his money was still well-hidden. His anomolously short successor as planetary leader turned out to be a Drakh.

        • MostEthicalPimp

          I think Hubbard would have had help from either the Vorlon or the shadows. He did after all have a guardian angel he called “The Empress” who he was in communication with!

          • http://scicrit.wordpress.com Once_Born

            Shadows, definitely. Supporting chaos and conflict was, after all, their thing.

  • Chee Chalker

    I can already see Tom Cruise.high-fiving all his Sci-bots slaves, I mean friends, at his Super Bowl party. No doubt he’ll think the ad is ‘super cool’. Tom’s only complaint will be that Miscavige was not the star of the ad.

  • Sid

    I wonder if these actors in the video are outside hires? F5

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Check out Chukicita’s video she made based on Newiga’s poem earlier.

      • Sid

        Just saw it. Fantastic!

    • scottmercer

      Actually the whole thing looks like stock footage clips.

      • Sid

        I had that thought too. Budget issues in the IAS expenditures?

  • http://scientologybollocks.blogspot.co.uk/ media_lush

    remember that Jaden Smith story yesterday?…. well, take a look at this blind item….[the power of Xenu works in mysterious ways, ed]

  • Jimmy3

    Since we’re seeing this in our area, does that mean the Bunker is Ideal?

    • Jimmy3

      And who are you, and where are my pants?

      • Ben Franklin

        You don’t need pants, you need a Skirt according to the great Jaden Smith

        • scottmercer

          The girl models in that photo shoot are just as screwed up.

  • Cars

    I hate to do this to all of you but here’s a link to another upcoming bad TV commercial, this time involving Kirstie Alley.

    NBC’s Today Show posted Kirstie Alley’s interview with Matt Lauer from this morning. She was promoting her new Jenny Craig commercial, with Cheers’ regulars Cliff Clavin (John Ratzenberger) and Norm Peterson (George Wendt), that will be airing on US television soon. http://www.today.com/popculture/back-bar-kirstie-alley-reunites-cheers-castmates-new-ad-t65221

    Ironically, at one point Kirstie says, “I really need to be held accountable for things.” *snort* She was referring to her weight loss, but someone in the media should also hold her accountable for her continued support of the CoS, not to mention her inane tweets and general stupidity. After the Super Bowl ad, maybe someone could at least ask her, “After all these years, do you finally know who you are?” *most likely the sounds of crickets followed by spontaneous human combustion as Kirstie tries to think deep thoughts*

    I apologize but here’s her new Jenny Craig commercial:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8vcdbFKPak

    • Sid

      I saw this and wanted to drink beer.

      • Cars

        Lucky you. I’m still so traumatized by her interview and commercial, it’ll take more than alcohol to drown my sorrows and revulsion. I can’t believe I let my curiosity get the better of me and actually searched for them. :-/

    • Jack99

      Norm!

      • Cars

        Poor Norm. The show’s finale was 23 years ago, I wonder if anybody remembers his name.

        • Jack99

          Ha! What was the name of Alley’s character again?

          • Cars

            Damn you. I forgot and had to type Alley’s name in a search engine for a second time today! 😉

            It was Rebecca Howe.

            • Missionary Kid

              How Rebecca?
              Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    • Robert Eckert

      She’s “promoting” a commercial??? Usually somebody goes on talk shows to promote a book or a movie or a TV show.

      • Allie

        Well, she’s got nothing else going on. She probably thinks that because she lost weight and
        is looking better, she deserves the attention and prob threatened her pr agent to crank up the gigs.
        I think it was yesterday someone here posted her in a Pier 1 video.

    • scottmercer

      I hope George and John got paid MUCHO DINERO for that crap…

      • One Human

        George definitely, John can go piss up a rope for all I care.

  • Tree

    Such a great ad, almost had me,sort of like that invitation a a party that turned out to be an Amway meeting. It was going along pretty well until they hauled out the e meter.

  • beauty for ashes

    Bear with me, because I just had muchos blood drawn and then I replaced it with Turkish coffee and a chocolate croissant. But that last picture, Jim and his wife really looks like they belong in a montage in the beginning of some horrible murder/crime expose. “people described them as uptone…willing to give to the IAS… but when the money ran out, Jim and his wife turned into something barely recognizable by anyone who knew them.”

    • scottmercer

      “My name’s Keith Morrison. Why don’t you have a seat right there.”

  • Alice Graves

    That beautiful, innocent young face gracing the ad reminds me of Jenna Miscavige Hill’s picture on her book cover. That image of Jenna when she was so young and innocent has always stopped my heart, knowing what horrors awaited her as she grew older. That’s the ultimate tragedy – the abuse of the young. The cult of scientology does not discriminate – it abuses those of all ages.

  • Jimmy3

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

    • flyonthewall

      stop living in the past my friend, come up to present time. Xmas is so 2015

      • Jimmy3

        Someone super glued this on me while I was passed out, and I don’t care. It’s warm. Especially when I stick my head under the radiator and the glue heats up.

        • flyonthewall

          What!? Nobody humiliates you while you sleep except for me! Give me a name. I will avenge thee.

          • Jimmy3

            It was Not-leficiscient

            • flyonthewall

              She is a powerful sorceress but have no fear. Within a fortnight her toes will be flattened and her shins will be splintered like…like…wood. It is written.

    • ze moo

      That is one hell of a cringe!

  • Jack99

    There’s a new CoS propaganda piece on The Street:
    http://www.thestreet.com/story/13410559/1/scientology-welcomes-2016-following-year-of-unprecedented-expansion-and-advance.html

    “LOS ANGELES, Jan. 4, 2016 /PRNewswire/ — As the old year draws to its close and a new one begins, it is time to celebrate successes and resolve to look ahead to the possibilities of another year. So it was as Scientologists gathered to express vivid appreciation for a triumphant year of accomplishment, recognizing record expansion and worldwide humanitarian achievement.”

    There’s also disqus…

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality

    Who am I?

    The answer is Scientology OT Juliette Lewis:

    https://www.facebook.com/OfficialJulietteLewis/videos/10153724298156552/

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality

      Who am I?

      The answer is the Scientology Squirrel Busters:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USJfHR9r1Cc

      • Newiga

        They lie at the intersection of lunacy and bankruptcy….

      • $cnMonkeyNut$

        … and the merely moronic, into idiotic inanimate, [repetitive] automota :)
        [ETA]

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          We in RTC like your grasp of nuance $cnMonkeyNut$. There’s a job at Scientology Media Productions waiting for you. Long hours, low pay, but we groove in the finest copywriters in the universe.

          • $cnMonkeyNut$

            As long as the pay is peanuts, you’ve got your Monkey :) (F5)
            ETA: Also, the BigPharma paycheck has been getting irregular at the moment, haven’t been doing enough upvoting… not even keeping me in nuts!

      • Mary

        Just like the church of scientology to tell us what we ask and when we ask it. I asked “Who am I” once but it was when I woke up from having a fibroid removed from my uterus. But, then again, I’ve never traveled to the intersection of technology and spirituality. (Eyeroll)

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality

        Who am I?

        The answer is the Scientologist Danny Masterson:

        https://otviiisgrrr8.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/danny-masterson.png?w=750

        • $cnMonkeyNut$

          Oh dear!Oh deary, deary me!Where does one start with this veritable virtue of vocabulary… with a well-used, wide range of words to pick from… he only usually picks one. Usually starts with an ‘F’. Not that I’m a prudish fuck about that kind of shit… just it doesn’t need using quite so much, naturally :)

        • SucculentDuck

          *sniffle* words hurt, Danny. (wiping tears away) but isn’t it Scientology that prefers to do the f–king?

    • $cnMonkeyNut$

      Aaaah! Working hard to make the vaguely able more profane :)

    • beauty for ashes

      Who am I? ETA I thought I queued it up to 2:04 ,ahh punchline fail!
      https://youtu.be/HPIos2mXbUE

    • Alice Graves

      Natural Born Crazy, that one.

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality

      Who am I?

      The answer is Scientology OT VIII Kirstie Alley:

      https://otviiisgrrr8.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/badsci2.png?w=750

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        For decades Jim Mathers was always standing in the shadow of the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson. Now that Alfreddie is away on a special project, “Ladies Man Jim Mathers” finally gets his chance to shine at the Scientology intersection of spirituality and technology. Life is good for this thetan:

        http://tonyortega.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/NYE16m.jpg

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          http://tonyortega.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/NYE16k.jpg

          GLEE, a kind of insanity. Glee is a special kind of embarrassed giggling. You’ll know it when you see it. When you see glee on some fellow on a post, realize it’s because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing. He’s ignorant about something and above that is confusion and above the confusion is glee. (HCOB 20 Sept 68)

          • $cnMonkeyNut$

            That being the case, surely you at the RTC have cancelled (or will be cancelling forthwith) this gentleman’s certificates on the basis that if he’s above confusion, he must have to redo his bridge for having an over-active reactive mind?

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              While cancelling his certs would be the normal course of action, GLEE has become the new norm in Scientology. Therefore, we in RTC are giving this fellow his long sought after invitation onto the OT levels.

            • $cnMonkeyNut$

              *Monkey falls off stool in front of typewriter in shocked surprise, cigarette drops from lips, hideous hammering noise ceases*

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Monkey, no need to be shocked. From a technical perspective, we in RTC have found that GLEE as-ises on OTIII and turns into deadly seriousness on the tone scale.

            • $cnMonkeyNut$

              *hammering resumes*Thank goodness for that, I knew the RTC, in protecting the sacred copyrights of Ron, would not allow this state of almost j&dishness to perpetuate for long–the world is at balance again… my thanks, praise and benedictions (in the form of dollars, or any other means of negotiable payment) be unto COB for his ‘clarification’ of the tech :)

          • Qbird

            Mr. OT* – is that there Ken Delusion having a good ol’ time without you?!

        • Observer

          He’s not shy about ladies-manning in front of his wife, either. Now that’s a Super-Powered Theta Being!

          • beauty for ashes

            **vomits**

            • Observer

              That’s his wife on the right.

            • Sherbet

              Not in the photo Grrr8 just posted. That’s nobody’s wife.

            • Observer

              I was responding to her response to my response.

            • Sherbet

              I know, but its juxtaposition on my screen made your comment hilarious.

            • MM

              That would be Harald Glööckler (yes written with two ‘ö’), who is a, shall we say, somewhat excentric German fashion and interior designer.

              Mr Glööckler is most certainly NOT a scientologist, btw.

              Also, he’s got definitely nothing to do with this Mathers person. He is living with his long-time partner Mr Schroth in what we call Eingetragene Lebenspartnerschaft (registered life partnership), the closest thing to same-sex marriage that German law allows.

            • Sherbet

              He looks dismayed. Did one of his clients put clear plastic slipcovers over the new furniture perhaps?

            • MM

              “He looks dismayed.”

              Maybe he’s just creeped out by standing so close to Mathers, who is known to put his hands all over anyone near him…

              This is what Mr Glööckler ‘normally’ looks like (F5)

              https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4aa6e0c927872bffa87da619dd1f02b57a98366481fd28244ccc7fdc7813ed29.jpg

            • Sherbet

              Boy George meets Joan Crawford meets Joey Fatone meets Wayne Newton meets The Rock. I’m done here.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              He’s smelling his fingertips. Where do you suppose they have been???

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Oh come now beauty for ashes; what woman could resist the charms of OT Jim Mathers or for that matter his best friend OT Fabian Mezmo?

              http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n196/scienowriter/Mathers_zpsffj7fobj.png

            • Sherbet

              What…who…what?

            • Alice Graves

              Could someone please retire these pictures of Jabba the Hutt? They give me nightmares.

            • $cnMonkeyNut$

              … and C3-PO on the right :)

            • Qbird

              gd smilin’ peckerhead!

            • beauty for ashes

              **burps** uuuuuuuggghhhhhh, the eyebrow tattoos are crooked, and and and… there’s no where safe to looooook!!!! **runs screaming **

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          He gets all the foxy ladies…

          (refresh)

        • Spackle Motion

          He looks like a hairy thumb in every picture.

      • Newiga

        You guys in the RTC definitely know how to pick ’em. At least, Kirstie is the master of PMFBF (Profanities, Middle Fingers and Brain Farts).

      • Observer

        ..

      • Qbird

        That’s-a one big fish! Lotsa FU’s.
        Obscure reference here… some J&D about Kirstie. @ 1:04 on video near bottom of article.

        http://www.outdoors720.com/2011/04/worlds-largest-marlin-4500-pounds.html

        • Robert Eckert

          There’s a shot of “Captain Tony’s” toward the end.

          • Qbird

            Aye! Captain Tony’s restaurant! :)
            “YOU HOOK IT WE COOK IT” lol
            I’ve never caught nor eaten Marlin.
            Yes, to sailfish, wahoo, king, several kinds of tuna (black, yellow, blue), mahi mahi (aka dolphin fish)… I’ve been told Marlin tastes like those kind of fish.

      • Truth and Justice

        She’s done more for mankind than any of you. Jealously

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Rick James on Juliette Lewis:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M

    • https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shorpy_Higginbotham Shorpy

      “Who am I?”

      One thing’s for certain.
      I am NOT a Scientologist.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd6YVLoUP58

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeKZS6gQ0V4

    • https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shorpy_Higginbotham Shorpy

      Meet Dan.

      He’s a Scientologist.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdBdhmzcOPY

    • Sherbet

      I’m getting the feeling you’re trying to make a point, Grrr8…

      • J. Swift

        I’m getting the feeling you’re trying to make a point, Grrr8…

        If OT8 could be truthful he would say that Scientology’s new Super Bowl commercial is dead on arrival — just like the one the year before and the year before that. A more honest Scientology commercial would be a statement of angst. It would be, perhaps, the Cure’s Fascination Street:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2t7on6MR8

        • J. Swift

          Robert Smith described Fascination Street:

          In an interview with Select magazine, vocalist and primary songwriter Robert Smith said: “I was thinking of Bourbon Street in New Orleans when I wrote it – I was getting ready to go there and I thought: what the fuck do I think I’m going to find ? It’s about the incredulity that I could still be fooled into looking for a perfect moment.”

          • Sherbet

            Very appropriate. I’m thinking Gertrude Stein: “There is no there there.” That’s scientology in a nutshell. Or clamshell.

            Nobody’s home, nothing to see, nothing to gain. Show’s over.

    • Sunny Sands

      She and Elena Cardone seem a lot alike.

      • Sherbet

        At least Lewis can act. I don’t know what Cardone does.

        • MostEthicalPimp

          I hear she is very good at horizontal work.

          • Sherbet

            :-O

    • Truth and Justice

      she’s a lovely person, nice photoshop

  • ze moo

    Is the bright light on the front porch of infinity a bug zapper?

    • 3feetback-of-COS

      it is a BT zapper

      • ze moo

        I think the clampire has provided us with a new meme. F5

        POI = Porch of Infinity……where Buzz Lightyear resides and bugs go to die

        Outhouse of Rectitude……. the meaning is obvious

        Bay Window of Foresightedness…….Where you can see forever and into that neighbor’s back yard where they sunbath nude.

        Garage of Clutter….What $cientology will cure when you have 3 pallet loads of the Basics.

        Attic of Dreams……. Where you keep your old dreams, so you have room for new ones.

        Bridge of Sighs…. a great album by Robin Trower……

        • SucculentDuck

          you hooked me in with the Buzz Lightyear reference, got me all excited about potential nude sunbathers … i got a bit nervous about doing chores in the Garage of Clutter, but hot dog, I did not expect the Trower finale. bravo! if we’re going for a full-on meme here may I suggest Bridge Of Size?

          • ze moo

            That bridge is only 4 foot 13 inches high…..

            • SucculentDuck

              Touché! More like a stepladder or footrest than a bridge :(

            • Sherbet

              Then I know the perfect troll to live under it.

    • flyonthewall

      i don’t like where this is going

      • Sid

        Flies don’t fall for that zapper thingy. They’re usually too busy relaxing and reading the paper.

    • Andrew Robertson

      I was sitting on my front porch of infinity with a glass of wine last night and looked closely at the end of the Bridge to Total Freedom and realized that if I go any further I’ll fall off into a limitless void! I must put up a warning sign.

      Andrew

      [Picture}

      • Qbird

        Oh wonderful image!

        • Qbird

          also a little thing for you Andrew ~ pretty dang sweet!

          https://youtu.be/LsmU5myZAic

          • Sherbet

            So cute!

            • Qbird

              You know Sherb, I had never even heard of Haka until the Southern Hemisphere SP’s showed me! 😉

              eta: it gives me chills!

            • Sherbet

              I never heard of it until I saw this video and googled the term!

          • Spackle Motion

            There’s nothing like seeing the All Blacks haka in person. I’m glad that I got to experience that at the Rugby World Cup.

      • Sherbet

        Put some nonskid treads on that thing!

      • Alice Graves

        TOO funny!

    • chukicita

      “how do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on” – Tom Waits

  • FOTF2012

    I knew that script reminded me of something:

    “But in just a moment Peter Vollmer will ply his trade on another kind of
    corner, a strange intersection in a shadowland called the Twilight
    Zone.” (From “He’s Alive,” Twilight Zone, Season Four.)

  • Madison KinSmed

    eAccording to the IRS:
    a “Section 501(c)(3) organization must not be organized or operated for the benefit of private interests, such as…shareholders of the organization…No part of the net earnings…may inure to the benefit of any private shareholder or individual. A private shareholder or individual is a person having a personal and private interest in the activities of the organization.”

    How is “Who am I?” not a personal and private question?

    And, if you use the tools of scientology to answer that question, isn’t that evidence of a personal and private interest in the activities of scientology?

    So, the inurement that we keep clamoring about isn’t just to DM’s benefit but is also to the benefit of the above referenced shareholders, right? Those shareholders are scientologist.

    How can scion keep its nonprofit status when its public face is so devoid of the exempt purposes as listed in the “exempt purposes”, as evidenced by this commercial?

    Answering “Who am I?” cannot be a nonprofit purpose. If it is, every teenager should have tax exempt status.

    And, for my snark of the day: When will David Miscavige understand that the word “technology” does not mean tin cans to anyone but a scientologist?

    https://www.irs.gov/Charities-&-Non-Profits/Charitable-Organizations/Exempt-Purposes-Internal-Revenue-Code-Section-501(c)(3)

    • chukicita

      That’s kind of a stretch re: inurement. I would think, though, that the whole FSM multi-level marketing structure might raise a few tax analyst eyebrows.

      And somebody needs to ask Dave where the money’s coming from for all the PIs to watch his dad and stuff; and who exactly signs off on those purchases.

      • Madison KinSmed

        I was thinking it was just another sliver of the pie for throwing at the IRS. Oh, well.

        I agree about the FSM MLM.

        • chukicita

          Lots of whipped cream on top, please! And don’t forget to ask why WISE still exists when it was supposed to be dismantled as per the IRS agreement.

          At least they’re not suing people for ‘trade secret’ violations anymore. How is that not a business?

  • Qbird

    Hello people. I’m late to the bunker today & already there are 714 comments!
    Has anyone posted the ‘funny-or-die’ Hidden messages you missed on the scn. SuperBowl ad?
    from last year.

  • Royce Harlow

    Way to go reminding people that they can google scientology within “a click of a button”. It sure is likely *caugh* that the curiosity brings scientology-positive search results. Another victory for Mister Footbullet.

  • https://www.youtube.com/user/SurvivingScientology Karen de la Carriere

    Lord Deliver us from Spin.

    • Qbird

      Yes.
      What if Scientology actually made a TRUTHFUL infomercial?

      https://youtu.be/UnUbdAw9V4Y

      old vid, but aprapos to ‘truth’ in advertizing.

      • Sherbet

        Oh, boy, that’s the video that shows Katie Holmes applauding half-heartedly while TC is nearly drooling with excitement.

        • beauty for ashes

          Totally just replaced Tom cruise with tom cruise playing a really excited yellow lab in my head. Probably looks no different!

          • Sherbet

            That’s about right.

        • Qbird
          • Sherbet

            Poor insane Tom.

            • Truth and Justice

              You wish you had his money and his sense of morality.

        • Allie

          Wonder if she got chastised for not being more excited?

          • Sherbet

            Knowledge Report!

      • Alice Graves

        Holy Crap! Best thing I’ve ever seen. Looks like xenu.net put it together and am surprised I’ve never encountered it before.

      • Sid

        Oh man, I was at that event. I see a lot of familiar faces. This was a brilliant piece of editing.

        • Qbird

          Wow Sid!!! Good news.
          You don’t ever ever EVAH have to go to one of those things again!

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            O/T – hey, Qbird – Happy National Bird Day!

            • Qbird

              oh look that Kingfisher – wonderful colors in this image! This is my new AVI!!!
              Thank you Sydney ~ ;-D
              :::also i did not know this was my day::: haha!

        • Interested2

          Your thoughts? Can you remember? Why do people keep clapping and getting up? Is it like with live shows when there is someone in the wings telling the audience what to do. Great that are out and reading tony. Clap yourself on the back for having taken your life back.have a great new year…

          • Sid

            These are designed for pauses so that clapping can occur. If you don’t stand with the rest and clap you can get in trouble.

            • daytoncapri

              There is moment in the Going Clear movie when the audience stands after one the DM pauses,…there is a guy looking around at rows behind him, that were slow on the uptake…as if he was not sure that he is ok to be standing up.

            • Interested2

              Thank you. Wow. Sad.

      • Lousy Ratatouille

        BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT!!! BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!

      • Captain MustSavage

        I love Katie Holmes doing the minimal amount of applause she can get away with in the front row. That is classic.

      • Interested2

        Krusty claps like a seal… TC looks like he’s as high as a kite and about to explode.Katie claps like a lady bored to death asking herself what the f am I doing here. Just my thoughts. Who ever did the montage… Bravo.

      • Doc M

        I never saw this, this is a very powerful video!

      • sizzle8

        Genius!

  • Allie

    I am puzzled by Miscavige’s title “Who Am I?” for the 2016 Super Bowl Ad. The reason I say this is because
    last year’s title was “The Age of Answers”. So Davey’s had all this past year for all the minions and all the whales
    to get all the answers they need for Scn with no questions or uncertainty left. After all, the head honcho said it was
    The Age of Answers. So this year’s question is totally absurd. I think a better title for this year might be “Slick & Shiny”.
    Or better yet, “The Front Porch of Infinity”. Now that would be knock-out for the followers.–they would
    understand it. Another fail for Davey McSlime-age. Edited for typos

    • Observer

      This. Is. Brilliant!

    • http://umbraxenu.no-ip.biz/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page RMycroft
      • Lucille Austero

        Clint is definitely standing on the Front Porch of Infinity.

        • Sherbet

          God bless him at his age! I hope I’m still as active as he is when I’m 104 years old.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          I think he fell off it some time ago.

          • Sherbet

            He can still put his orthopedic oxfords under my Barcalounger any day.

            • Kay

              I agree….I just love him. He is a Real Man IMO. He also is producing and directing films at a faster clip than anyone else alive, which is amazing since he is in his 80’s. Kudos to him.

    • Sherbet

      But wait, Allie. This is for NEW people to join the church. How could they resist?

      • Allie

        I.am.confuse, Sherbet. I thought it was primarily for the whales and those still in.
        Am I missing something?

        • Sherbet

          I’m being sarcastic. Ads are supposed to bring in new business. In the case of scientology’s ads, they’re just for show — so that the whales are convinced their money is going toward a good cause, which is to bring in new business. Few people watching any scientology ad are going to go running to the church. But the whales think they will, and they’ll also think the orgs need to go ideal to handle the expected influx of new scientologists on course. It’s all theater, all baloney.

          • Allie

            Duh, totally missed the snark, Sherb. Must be the late afternoon tireds.
            And your explanation makes sense, unlike Scn.

            • Sherbet

              That will be $50 for your first course in Sherbetology.

            • Allie

              Can I send brownies instead?

            • Sherbet

              Absolutely.

            • Truth and Justice

              It’s called Scientology

  • $cnMonkeyNut$

    Another Monkey see, add thoughts attempt–this time on the Jim ‘Captain Creepy’ Mathers New Years pic… (F5 with the thought that everything is monetised in $cn…)

  • Michael Leonard Tilse

    They got the wrong script when they did the voiceover. Here is the authorized version:

    We stand outside an age of technological wonder

    Jealous of your life

    Creating disconnections

    Limited in possibility

    Afraid of our buttons

    Working twenty hour days

    True knowledge beyond our reach

    Infinite recursions of meaningless answers

    To every question we dare ask

    Except this one

    The one that drives us

    The one that leads to money

    Our universe

    Our slavery

    Our master

    The question that lies at the intersection of free will and our scam

    Who is our prey?

    You.

    • Sherbet

      Goosebumps.

  • MostEthicalPimp

    Are you sick and tired of being able to read anything you want?

    Are you tired of relatives pointing flaws in your thinking?

    Is your current fully funded 401K too much of a burden?

    Have you every wonder what life was like after…

    Bankruptcy?

    Ever wanted to be humiliated about your sexual miss deeds by a 14 year old boy?

    Excess kids? too much free time? Need visors at 1 am every Thursday?
    All this and more can be handled with Scientology.

  • Sherbet

    The pedant speaks: What’s with the apostrophe in the sign in the Mathers photo? “New Year’s 2016” is just plain wrong. “New Year’s Eve” would be correct, but there’s no “Eve” there. And there’s definitely no “Happy” there.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Apostrophes these days are like party favors.

      Or do you suppose they meant “New Year is 2016?”

      • Sherbet

        Nope.

  • Observer
    • Sherbet

      “Hollywood Napoleon Tom Cruise”

      • Observer

        I am snickersnorting away

        • Sherbet

          Ah, that’s what I heard. I thought it was Observerhund at her bowl.

    • Lucille Austero

      If Tom Cruise is 5’7″ I’ll eat my underpants.

      • SucculentDuck

        I’ll eat ’em too since that would make K.Holmes about 6’2″

        • OOkpik

          Miss Tia, Lucille is fast running out of underpants.

    • Kay

      I remember reading an interview of Tom Cruise about five years ago where the journalist stated that his actual height in person looked like he was 5’6″ at the absolute maximum, although his bio had him listed at 5’7″.

  • Lucille Austero

    We live in an age of technological wonder
    Extended hand rails
    Endless balustrades
    Limitless floor boards
    At the touch of a rocking chair
    In a fraction of a side table
    The world’s knowledge at our fingertips
    A seemingly infinite source of front porchitude
    To any question we might ask
    Except for one
    The one we thirst for
    (hey, isn’t that a glass of lemonade?)
    The one that leads us to the front
    Of the house
    Our house
    Our porch
    Ourselves
    On the porch
    The question that lies at the
    intersection of landings
    and stair steps
    Who left the robot out on the Front Porch of Infinity?

    • ze moo

      That bright light on the Porch of Infinity is a bug zapper.

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      No one has ever answered the question: Who let the dogs out?

    • Nat-leficent
    • JaxNGold

      “A seemingly infinite source of front porchitude”

      Dying. Too funny!

  • Observer

    This is OT: make sure you have emptied your bladder before watching.

    EDIT: That would have been good advice for me, anyway.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZeciX-3wfs

    • Sherbet

      Cookie Monster rocks!

      • Observer

        Literally, in this case!

  • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

    Hey!! Zazzle finally posted the original batch of items I made with Observer’s design for HowdyCon! :)

    http://www.zazzle.com/howdycon/products?ch=howdycon&sr=250572769429068675&pg=1&ps=48 Zazzle has a code for 15% off all orders too thru Friday ZNEWYEAR2016

    I made some different shirts—baseball, tank tops, some other bumper stickers but they haven’t posted yet; hopefully tomorrow!

    • Ella Raitch

      Kewl…we can have merchandise!

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        yep, every can haz merchandise :) i made the postcard cuz i thought it’d be fun to send some out during howdycon…..or before! :) if someone wants a specific product made, let me know!

        • Sherbet

          Good job choosing items. What to buy, what to buy…

          • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

            Well there’ll be other shirt types hopefully tomorrow…..some of the shirts you’ll see you can choose a different color…..which is one of the things i like about zazzle—-you can do that! :)

            • Sherbet

              I’ve always had good service from Zazzle.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Me too!! One time I got the wrong size and they sent me the right size and told me to keep the other one!

            • Sherbet

              Yes, that’s happened to me, too. Good customer service. Must not be a WISE company.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              DEFINITELY not!!

          • Nat-leficent

            I want this one . . .

            • Sherbet

              I like it! Not boxy and mannish.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              You made that one? I didn’t realize they let you select the shirt style too! Learn something new every day! :) There’ll still be different styles ‘pre-made’ in the store though for ease of shopping.

            • Vaquera

              Oooo, I wanna make a nightshirt….for Bunker slumber parties!

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              EXCELLENT idea!

            • Vaquera

              My new ‘jammies. f5

  • OOkpik
  • Nat-leficent

    I started a thread at Howdycon.com under helping out for activity ideas http://www.howdycon.com/HelpingOut.html#comment-2441761032
    The only thing I really want is an IAS trophy/medal making contest :)

    • Sherbet

      There isn’t enough tinfoil in Cleveland.

      • Nat-leficent

        We can mail some. Also we need metallic spray paint and Popsicle sticks lol!

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          Anyone who needs something prior to the event that would be awkward to travel with, can send it to my house. Flat rate priority can hold up to 70#. I wouldn’t open any box—unless it was items for goody bags. And would bring them to the hotel.

          • Nat-leficent

            :)

          • Sherbet

            //mailing myself to Tia’s house to save air fare//

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Go for it!! :)

            • Vaquera

              ^^^^^

      • Truth and Justice

        It’s in Cleveland, thank you

        • Sherbet

          You could have found that out by following the link and looking at the Zazzle merchandise. I didn’t spill any secret here.

          • Nat-leficent

            Also, there’s the sign lol
            F5

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          No, really?! Damn, that’s sort of close to me, I might look into attending.

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      oops….i have a discussion page i’m gonna upload to howdycon for just that reason! :)

      • Nat-leficent

        I’ll move it to that page when it’s done :)

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          I gotta update a couple other pages so I’d prefer to wait til tomorrow morning. I have found, through the years, that my coding gets a little sloppy in the evening. It’ll be up tomorrow morning!!! 😀

    • beauty for ashes

      Glitter, glue and toilet paper rolls and old psych prescription bottles:)

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        Starting to save valium bottles NOW!

      • Nat-leficent

        GLITTER!

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    BUNKER BAMUARY 2016 so far…

  • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

    I know the who’s who are you was posted a lot today….but i kept thinking to myself, i know there’s a song i wanna post….but i couldn’t think of it…til now! :) Who do you want to be today??

    https://youtu.be/xY2arJDaGRs

  • Sarah James

    “Who Am I ?” Captain David ” let him die” Miscavige is always a pragmatist (if only that were true.) No truth in advertising found here. Should read join us and find yourself on the Crowley, Hubbard, Miscavige sacrifical altar.

  • Armygirl

    An update on my militant sixth grader…… Her Legoland boycott has been fairly effective, as several of her classmates in her overpriced Episcopal school are striking Legoland from their spring break trips. Her attempt to spark a boycott of Lego toys didn’t work, largely because there are Lego accessories for video games now (Lego Dimensions) that are wildly popular with the middle school crowd.
    Today I got the dreaded call from the principal, asking if I will come in to discuss my daughter’s “lack of tolerance for nontraditional religions”. About ten minutes later, my daughter called to ask me to bring my iPad “because I have a multimedia presentation planned for the principal.” So when I arrived, she plugged my iPad into a smart board, opened this blog, and opened several of my Scientology books. She had them highlighted already – apparently she’d been anticipating a session with the principal and the dean. She decided to focus on illegal child labor, referencing “Going Clear”, “Blown for Good”, and “Beyond Belief”, in addition to the Legoland posts on this blog. She concluded by stating that she presumed that it was good to oppose illegal child labor, thus opposition to Scientology is a moral imperative, and she compared tolerance for Scientology to tolerance for the KKK. The principal was stunned. The dean was impressed. I was highly amused and quite proud. The principal acknowledged there are no Scientologists at their school at present, but expressed concern about how my daughter would treat a Scientologist classmate. Her response: “That would never happen. Kids rich enough to afford auditing without being enslaved in the Sea Org go to worthless LRH schools.” At this point, she pulled up “Miss Lovely” and said, “Now let’s talk about espionage and the Fair Game policy”. The principal said they’d seen quite enough and understood her position regarding Scientology. My daughter then opened “Under the Banner of Heaven” and “Escape” and said “The Warren Jeffs cult is even more abusive of children. Do you want to get my opposition to the FLDS out of the way while we’re here?” The principal quickly agreed that it is also a moral imperative to oppose child brides and shut down the smart board. I don’t think they will take her on for intolerance again any time soon….

    • Sherbet

      Wow. I was such a dorky weenie at that age. In fact, I still am.

      • Armygirl

        Ah, any sixth grader who can reference my nerdy collection of cult books is not exactly one of the cool kids.

        • Sherbet

          Gutsy is better than cool.

          • Kestrel

            So is well-read.

            • Sherbet

              You are so right, Kestrel.

        • pat k

          She is obviously one of the good kids. Fine job you are doing Amygirl…

    • Qbird

      This is so cool. What a kid!

      • Armygirl

        Thanks!

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      “Lack of tolerance for nontraditional religions?” I do hope the kindly Episcopals at your daughters school are not seeking sodality with anyone who comes around claiming to be a religion. The ramifications are staggering…

      • Armygirl

        The chaplain wasn’t there. I don’t think the principal had a clue about Scientology. I hadn’t thought of this till reading your post…..they really should have talked to someone in the religion department – there are several priests on staff – before calling me in. Thanks!

      • Truth and Justice

        A religion not in the mainstream causes intolerance, right DDD

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          No, a religion that tears apart families, abuses children, and causes people to disconnect from reality causes intolerance.

    • Illinoisian

      Wow! The two of us here are cheering!!

      • Qbird

        pssst :::I think it’s so cool Mr. IL is here, Illinoisian:::

        Also, thank you for the link to the video, The Denial of Death [Ernest Becker].
        Made me think hard. I took notes.
        Global fear, terror management.

        I, this “wee, sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie,” took note.

        • Illinoisian

          Great cartoon.
          Glad you liked the film. I watch it whenever I need to be reminded of what’s important.

        • Illinoisian

          Re: Mr. IL, in two years he went from thinking I was nuts for being a daily Bunker reader to being genuinely interested and a daily reader himself. Very cool to have someone who shares the interest and reads the books, etc.

    • OOkpik

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      How old is she again?

      • Armygirl

        Just turned 12. Which is old enough to be forced to marry Warren Jeffs, as she likes to point out.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          She speaks like a college student. VEry interesting – do they all have an advance vocabulary at the school? Must have great teachers.

          • Armygirl

            She does have great teachers, and she does speak like a college student — unfortunately, she spells like a kindergartener. Spell check is ruining this generation.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              LOL – with your family military background and parochial school structure, I’m surprised she’s allowed to use spell check – she sure is a go getter.

    • Sandy

      Whoa. That kid is going places …

    • Vaquera

      I’m so proud of her….and her mom. Way to go!

    • order66

      There’s a line in the classic film The Goonies that can be applied here:
      “I’m really beginning to like this kid, Ma.”

    • JanInThePan

      WOW!! Talk about giving people hope for the future! I don’t know what you’re doing with your daughter but you’re doing it right.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      So… what you are telling us is that something can be done about it?

      • Armygirl

        Absolutely! 😄

    • flyonthewall

    • Jimmy3

      11.3%

      • flyonthewall

        think she has an OT2 friend too?

        • Jimmy3

          I thought we were guessing how much of this story is true, and I threw up a random percentage.
          Yes, I’m a jerk. But, cmon. Cmon.

          • flyonthewall

            i know. I was just throwing in that it sounds a lot like the studentoflife spiel to me. Just with a different cast of characters and plot. Has that same vibe

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              I love you guys! :)

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              All I could do was LOL

            • flyonthewall

              ikr. Too ambitious really, I guess they just couldn’t help themselves.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              too many details, and 6th graders don’t talk like that. If she’d left out the quotes..
              Heck, my gramma taught not to date guys who spouted too many details or too many compliments right off the bat.

            • Sid

              I had the same thought, well, except about your gramma. It sounded like one of those ‘too good to be true’ things.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              and coincidinkly, “truth and justice” just popped up as we discussed the army girl.

              Hey trolls, we Bunker Girls are not Easy!

            • Sid

              ,,, but the guys are sometimes a pushover.

            • Kay

              Your gramma was smart !!!

          • Nat-leficent

            Why not just let the catfish have the board J3? There are so many (or a couple relentless ones).

            • Jimmy3

              Because the light is still tempting me. I am not weak.

            • beauty for ashes

              So strange, seems so self defeating to pretend to be something else online. Wouldn’t that just make you more depressed because it’s not true?

            • flyonthewall

              you’d think so but some people are just the compulsive type I suppose

            • beauty for ashes

              Yes, or addictive personalities. I’m pretty sure I’ve been up front about being a supersmart polish frizzle chicken that was a result of genetic experiments.

            • flyonthewall

              oh yes, very upfront. That’s what I admire about you really

            • Kay

              Well, in the “psych” world, we would say that it fulfills some abnormal agenda or compulsion that they have, or they wouldn’t go to the trouble to do it.

            • beauty for ashes

              But only temporarily right?

            • Kay

              Not necessarily…some people are pathological liars and pretty much lie about anything and everything their whole lives, even though it makes their lives a lot more difficult when people find out.

            • Naps4All

              [See, for example, “Hubbard, L. Ron”]

            • Kestrel

              I have a confession. I’m not really a bird.

            • beauty for ashes

              Wha? ***faints***

            • Kay

              Laugh !!

            • Sandy

              I am starting to feel really stupid.

              eta: will you be my sensei? Without Howdy, I am lost

            • beauty for ashes

              Don’t feel stupid, we really have a hard time proving either way. I don’t have good radar for these things either online or in real life. I would like to believe that story is true. :)

            • Kay

              Good comment, beauty for ashes.

            • beauty for ashes

              Truthfully I felt dumb too, because even though it seems weird at first to me they’re usually right.

            • Nat-leficent

              Sorry, I wish the world were a prettier place Angel. Actually the problem with goddamn trolls and catfish is that they take away focus from genuine exes and experts who are being real and upfront with us (e.g. Karen de la Carriere)!
              ETA: We have real blessings to count already — no need for fake ones

            • beauty for ashes

              Nat, I’m grateful for you. And everyone else that sniffs out trolls. I remember Espi threatened to filet me when I asked about R2-45. I got over it because , well Espi cracked me up, it was like accusing Emily Dickinson of being OSA.

            • Kay

              Well, if you are not a person who lies about yourself online or in real life, you are more apt to believe what other people say, so that says positive things about your own character. I get suckered in on stuff in real life and online sometimes, even though I am pretty cynical from having been an ER nurse, (an environment where lots of people lie to you on a nightly basis in order to get drugs or whatever) I didn’t read it carefully enough the first time, and got suckered into it for a few minutes until I read it again, and then deleted my first response to it. I agree with Nat in the comment below also…..these fakers take time away from real people with real experience, and that is annoying. This poster has the problem, not you.

            • beauty for ashes

              I have a lot of compassion for ER nurses. My friends mom was a ER Dr. She used to describe drug seeking behavior, which oddly sounds a lot like love bombing. She also got sued. Now she just does Drs w/o borders. Which usually scares the hell out of her children!

            • Kay

              Well yeah…that would scare me if that was my Mom doing Doctors without Borders…they go into some fairly dangerous areas of the world. Kudos for her, that is a really tough gig. Yes, drug seeking behavior IS a lot like love bombing..that’s a great analogy. People are really complimentary, sweet, and totally manipulative, until they are turned down, then they get very angry, and sometimes even violent. I got tired of it after years so I switched to psych nursing instead. That’s one good thing about nursing, you can move around to different areas.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Don’t feel stupid!!!! ((hugs))

            • Kay

              Hey don’t feel stupid….I read it really fast and thought it was for real, but then thought about for a few minutes and read it again, and decided that it was just too fantastic for a 12 year old. But then again, a 16 year old girl just invented an over the counter accurate test for Ebola virus and won the google science fair, so hey who knows?

            • flyonthewall

              i don’t normally call out stuff I’m skeptical on but this was just too much for me to hold back on and I don’t like people making fools of my bunker buddies by suckering them in with elaborate lies

            • Sid

              You could be our new Howdy.

            • flyonthewall
            • Sid

              Heh, heh,,,, okay let’s not lose our heads over this. There can be only one Howdy, but how many of us have said in our lives, “I wish I could be a fly on the wall”? Pretty much everyone.

            • flyonthewall

              men want to be me, women want to be with me

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              ^^^THIS!!!!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Now, now, now. Who doesn’t like a good story with a positive moral message at the end?

            • Nat-leficent

              If you guess wrong you get in trouble XD

          • Qbird

            aww man.

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          Oh remember, when I asked some questions, they had a very timely phone call and discovered they were pre-clear, not OT2! Insert Eye Roll.

          • flyonthewall

            yeah that was good. Haven’t seen much or any of them since either

    • Sid

      I just read this. I hate to sound like a jerk, but this doesn’t sound real to me. Am I missing something here?

      • Nat-leficent

        :)

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        Nope, not missing a thing!! And you’re not sounding liking a jerk, just a voice of reason! :)

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        All you are missing is the Front Porch of Infinity, Sid:)

        • Sid

          Does the porch have an infinity pool hot tub?

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Well, mine does, and bluetooth Bose speakers. I’d love to have one of those pools

            • flyonthewall

              mine is a time machine. Game set match.

            • Sid

              So do you travel back in time with it to win, or forward in time to see if you won?

            • Sid

              In point of fact that would be considered, yes, you guessed it, an Ideal Hot Tub. Ergo within this space-time continuum where your Hot Tub provides a panorama of expansive relaxation and a view that reaches to the far horizon of your back yard, which can only be described as breathtaking, you will see it in full and all told, and that is an Ideal Hot Tub.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              What is happening to us today? What am I? Who ARE YOU?!!!

            • Sid

              I think Jim Mather’s shirt hypnotized us all.

            • Kay

              Laugh !!!

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Damn, it’s like the Stephen King book Cell, the pulse erases everyone’s brain who’s on a cell phone at the time it’s sent out and one girl who was half listening to a cell phone got a weaker dose and was saying “Who am I? What am I?”

      • Qbird

        You mean just because you want something to be true so badly, you believe it
        WholeHeartedly…
        and then it turns out it’s not… that is just a lie? Why that makes me feel ~

        edited for clarity.

        • Sid

          “Bingo”, Leslie Nielsen.

          https://youtu.be/UMRo5XCKddQ

        • beauty for ashes

          Is that a hummingbird? Its so tiny Q!

          • Qbird

            no, it’s a little fishing bird, a Kingfisher. Hole gave it to me. sweet, huh?!

            • beauty for ashes

              Very sweet, and pretty!

    • Sid

      “,,, and then my daughter queued up a little 40 minute documentary she’d been working on for the past 30 minutes, which was bound to win an Oscar, and while it was playing she jumped up on the principal’s desk with her violin and began a beautiful yet tragic rendition of the final chorus from Bach’s St. Matthew Passion ‘es ist vollbracht’. I simply cried with joy.”

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        But wait! There’s MORE!!!! She had asked me to bring carrying dish from the kitchen too and after she dissolved the superiors into tears of regret and chastisement and they pledged they would lead a One Million Students Against Legoland March, she opened the carrying dish. Inside were croissants she had made that morning and fresh picked strawberries that butterflies delivered to her when she gave a special whistle!! Why they were so impressed they decided she should graduate right then and there! She had already been accepted to Harvard, and was going to quit the school anyway; but this made it official. The whole school came and cheered as she left! She graduates from Harvard next week, then on to Oxford.

        • beauty for ashes

          the butterflies….HAAAAAh!

          • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

            i have no idea where that came from, i just started typing!!! 😀

            • Graham

              So – just like Hubbard then :-)

        • Cedilla

          “But wait! There’s MORE!!!! ”
          Are, are you Armygirl?
          Tell me you are.
          Cuz, I’m confused.

          • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

            No! I can’t be! WHO AM I?! Identity Crisis!!

    • PerpetualOutflow

      This made my day. Episcopalians bend over backwards to a fault in the name of so called “tolerance.” Your daughter is courageous and her preparation and response were brilliant!

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      And to think I was proud I just saved 15% on my car insurance. (hangs head and walks to porch)

      • beauty for ashes

        I think you know you can do better than that. C’mon, try again.

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          What? Saving 15% or busting balls? I don’t have the motivation for more than my feeble attempt.

    • Bernie

      Good for her!! I will be certainly interested in what she ends up doing as an adult….I pick mentor, judge, the person who changes things so religions can’t hide behind the 1st Amendment….she may have several careers. Thanks for the update!

    • Juicer77

      Impressive… most impressive!

  • Nat-leficent

    f5

    • beauty for ashes

      I missed the origin story of this joke. This is still funny though :)

      • Nat-leficent

        Lucille keeps saying it but I don’t know either XD

      • Kay

        “The world’s knowledge at our fingertips
        A seemingly infinite source of front porchitude”

        quote from Lucille downthread

        • Kay

          AND….Lucille’s punchline was:

          “Who left the robot out on the Front Porch of Infinity?”

          (satire of the silly commercial done by CoS for Superbowl)

        • Lucille Austero

          😉

          • Kay

            I loved your writing down thread, the porch thing made me laugh !

        • Truth and Justice

          Don’t put down what you don’t understand

          • Kay

            ???????

          • OOkpik

            The troll is back.

            • Kay

              I figured…..

            • Observer

              It’s nice that it’s defending Lucille. 😀

            • SucculentDuck

              That’s a good way to diffuse and move on. I read it as taking a shot at Lucille for not understanding the Shermanspeak. I dunno, just feeling feisty tonight and have your backs ‘cuz this T&J jive turkey pissed me off the other day and I didn’t get a chance to fire back.

            • Kay

              I think “it” is just taking shots at whomever…..

            • Lucille Austero

              Clearly, I understand this one, perhaps due to my proximity to the PORCH!

            • Kay

              LMAO !!!!

          • SucculentDuck

            f5 yourself “Truth and Justice”

            • Robert Eckert

              TJ probably doesn’t even know what f5 means, even after all this time trolling here

            • SucculentDuck

              Hey Robert! I’m not sure I even know what I meant by that, now that I really think about it. It just had a certain ring that made me giggle so I went with it. F5 that guy.

              (or girl but that seems rude to me and I’d apologize for saying it)

          • Lucille Austero

            Oh please to entertain me!

            • Kay

              Yes…please !!

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Okay.

      • Observer

        Miscavige’s New Year bloviation included a reference to arriving at “the front porch of infinity.” I am not making that up.

        • SucculentDuck

          Beat me to it, Obs! There was some gibberish about mythic years and compressing time at warp speed, too. What in the who now?

        • Kay

          bloviation……great word !

        • beauty for ashes

          Makes me think of lemonade in glass pitchers. Thanks for illuminating me Obs. Now I’m going to design some furniture for the front porch of infinity.

        • Missionary Kid

          It’s all logorrhea.

    • Beth

      WHOA!

    • Kay

      That’s great !

    • salin

      That makes me about as dizzy as the sherman-speak from which the meme originated.

      • Nat-leficent

        You can collapse the thread.

        • Kay

          I like it….it harmonizes with the ADD genes in my brain.

        • salin

          Nah – that’s what makes it cool. It’s like the visual equivalent of an onomatopoeia – it gives the same sensation – as listening to the phrase (and the sentence it came from). Gif awesomeness.

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        I can’t recall offhand, but there’s a way you can ‘hide’ media on disqus so you have to click a box to view it. I’ve done that and it’s awesome! I think it’s somewhere up by your name, the little down menu there, it might say ‘hide media’.

        • salin

          There is a hide next to the flag if you hover to the side of a post.

          In this case, I just wasn’t clear. The dizziness of the gif is cool – because it conveys the same crazy disorientation of listening to the nutso sherman-speak. So it makes me dizzy – but in a really appropriate, cool way.

          • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

            Ah, that’s where it is!! Yep, that’ll hide all media, then you just have to click it to see. Really handy nice feature!

  • http://askanex.wordpress.com/ Derek

    They try so hard to make auditing look normal in that commercial. I wonder how many people watch it and think, “wtf are those people doing.”

    • Kay

      True, plus the advertisement is produced very well, and looks expensive, which is unfortunate in one sense, but in another sense, it loses it’s impact when that girl grabs the cans for the e-meter.

    • Kim O’Brien

      psst ..i sent you a facebook IM

    • Truth and Justice

      It is normal and it works

      • Lucille Austero

        Say wha?

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          He said, “It is normal to dance on the front porch of infinity without your pants on. It works!”

      • Kay

        Ah yes…it is SO normal I’m sure that little babies are birthed from their mother’s wombs holding tiny little cans in their hands that are attached to a pre-natal e-meter in their mother’s wombs, because God designed it that way, otherwise they would have no hope in surviving this world. Puhleez….

        • Truth and Justice

          better than bein born ddicted to drugs or having their necks broke by forcepts

          • Lucille Austero

            Truth and Justice: I was wondering if you are familiar with the Front Porch of Infinity that Mr. Miscavige recently spoke about?

            • Kay

              LOL !!!

          • Enturbulated Masterbator

            If it’s between a broken neck and $cientology, then I’ll take the forceps please.

          • Kay

            OK…now I’m really laughing. “Forcepts” (and bein, and ddicted) You need a dictionary, and an education.
            Babies having their necks broken by forceps? LOL !!!!

            • Kay

              P.S. I’m done with you….

            • TheMirrorThetan

              This troll is so stupid, I cant even work up the energy to bother with him.
              Troll standards here have really fallen in the last 2 yrs.
              I guess the bunker must have broken all the literate and remotely competent ones, and we are left with the low hanging troll fruit.

            • Kay

              I think you are absolutely right. I also think some of the recent ones are the same troll because the spelling is always so abysmal. (it is junior high level at the most) At least some of the previous ones were entertaining at times.

            • TheMirrorThetan

              I think it is the same one too. Its spelling gets worse as it goes along. Looks like he badly wants attention to keep coming back here.

            • Missionary Kid

              Or, they’re getting drunker.

            • ReallyMGM

              I’m thinking extra credit at jr high classes at Delphi schools. About that age group.

            • Robert Eckert

              This is the one I call “Spoofer”. He’s used this Truth and Justice ID for a while now, before that was One Who Cares and JAZZLOVER (spoofing the real Jazzlover). Not the same as anoni that Tony had to ban recently.

            • what’sup

              Hey Rob, you peaked my interest. Why was anoni8 banned. I always found him to be a bit of a asshat…..we got along well.

            • Robert Eckert

              It started with him asking Karen what her current attitude was about indie auditing, and she said she’d talk about that in her next video. Then he asked the same thing dozens of times, on irrelevant threads, and was rude to everyone telling him to cool it. He was also posting derails about all-religions-are-evil, with gross cartoons about pedophilia, and once Tony dropped the banhammer he was immediately back under a transparent sock, and after a second banning came back with a sock he forgot to make private which he used to use for homophobia on news boards. So he is now in the ban-on-sight category with Flunk/Ziontologist.

            • what’sup

              Okay thanks. Sounds like the demon alcohol.

            • kemist

              Litterate ones have blown.

              I hope for them.

            • Spackle Motion

              My favorite was Marcotai. He was amusing for a few minutes at least.

          • kemist

          • JaxNGold

            Umm..what the hell does that have to do with anything? Keep up the auditing — maybe you’ll be able to stick to a point eventually.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        On military leave already?

      • kemist

        *for certain definitions of “normal” and “work” only. Void in New Jersey, and the rest of reality. Infinity porch non included.

      • http://askanex.wordpress.com/ Derek

        Uh no. Neither of those things are true.

  • flyonthewall

    Upstats get an empty building and a tv ad in their area. Downstats get the hose again

    • Kim O’Brien

      put the lotion in the bucket :)

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I’m old school. I put the lime in the coconut

        • Cedilla
          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            fun – thanks for pulling this one up!

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          I made lime coconut cookies today :) I am a LIME WHORE!!! Ever since I gave up dairy I crave LIMES LIMES LIMES!!!!!!!!!!!

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            keylimes? they’re the best, but a pain because so small, more work. lime coconut cookies sounds like a really good idea –

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Nope, regular limes. I’ve seen the key limes, but yeah, small and almost triple the cost of regular limes. Lime coconut cookies are basically Mexican wedding cookies with coconut (duh) and lime. Earth Balance in place of butter (you can’t tell the difference and I use to be a butter whore too) and lots and lots of powdered sugar! NOM NOM NOM!!

          • Kay

            You make me laugh, you lime whore you ! :-)

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              It’s true!! Who the hell buys and goes thru about a dozen limes a week? I’m just ONE PERSON!!! And I just realized I could be making LIMEADE! I was using them in cooking/baking. Okay, increase my lime purchasing to about 3 dozen a week, cuz limeade HERE I COME!! Mega Lime Whore!!! 😀

            • Kay

              I’m rolling on the floor…..truly. Maybe your body is just craving vitamin C ? I think that food cravings are linked to nutritional issues at times…at other times I think that we are just craving a food for no particular reason. (I remember going through a hot-dog craving stage in college….couldn’t get enough of them for weeks. There’s nothing good in a hot dog to crave except mystery meat and nitrates. I didn’t eat a hot dog for years after that)

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              I agree, I think cravings are related to nutritional issues too; but limes in lieu of dairy makes zero sense. This just has to be a random craving, cuz really, before this, I rarely got limes. So I’m thinking I’m on a lime whore craze!! At least they’re cheap! :) CHEAP Mega Lime Whore, thy name is Miss Tia! Gosh, even my cravings are lame. I see my doctor Friday for the DAMN THAT FUCKING HURTS prolia injection, I’ll tell her about my lime whore ways. I already know her response will be to laugh and then tell everyone else in the office or have me tell them.

            • Enturbulated Masterbator

              From one whore to another…hay!

            • pat k

              Good tequila and lime juice….yummmm

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia
      • flyonthewall

        very cool! Has a very 80’s vibe and the synching with the movie clips is good too.

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          yeah, whoever made that video did an awesome job!

          • flyonthewall

            note to self – look up more stuff by the Greenskeepers

      • Kim O’Brien

        i love it when he ” tucks it in” and walks around the room ..LOL .

        All of you guys have done it . Don’t even lie 😉

        • SucculentDuck

          If we can, why not? I mean … heh, no, what, that’s crazy. I’m not happy about upvoting you for this but I like your style.

    • Truth and Justice

      check again, we are bigger than ever and continue to grow.

      • Lucille Austero

        Okay. Are you all growing on the Front Porch of Infinity? I mean, are you all there?

        • SucculentDuck

          I hope it’s weed they’re continuing to grow. I can get behind that. As long as they keep the prices reasonable… ah, who am I kidding. They’re gonna keep raising prices and telling me I need to re-buy previously smoked weed. Now I’m bummed out man.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Something’s growing alright.

        http://i.imgur.com/NXrpbE5.gifv

        • Ben Franklin

          it is the head

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I’m not sure if I should upvote this one or not LOL

      • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

        You forgot to like your comment T&J, are you okay? Blink once for yes and twice for no. Better yet, call 1866XSEAORG.

      • Enturbulated Masterbator

        Ay, papi, you are so big!

      • Nat-leficent
        • Kay

          ^^^^

        • SucculentDuck

          I just checked the front porch of the weirdos across the way and there’s definitely no one there. The lights are on but I don’t think anyone is home, if you catch my drift… and I know you do. Not sure what they’re trying to grow over there but hope they continue to keep their thetans out of my peanut butter.

      • salin

        Really? Based on what data?

      • Chee Chalker

        Yep….. Huge….in fact someday you guys might get the Chicago Ideal Morgue open. Let’s see…you bought that building 6 or 7 years ago…..
        Don’t worry. I understand it might be difficult to grow in a small town like Chicago.
        It’s not a very big college town
        (BTW… That is snark courtesy of Spinal Tap….though you may have seen that non Tom Cruise movie 35 years ago)

      • kemist

        Checked again.

        Nope.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Speaking personally, and based on what I have seen with my own eyes, there hasn’t been much that is “bigger than ever” or “continuing to grow” in the Valley Ideal Org. And this in the biggest concentration of Scientologists on planet earth…

        (refresh)

        • http://umbraxenu.no-ip.biz/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page RMycroft

          Didn’t they get the memo? Mythic is the new epicness.

        • ReallyMGM

          Your descriptions and other’s photos have been very telling. Closeup photos show how truly “un-awesome” (I know that is not a word) it is. It is a filthy, rundown building that will be condemned before they finish it, unless Co$ lines someone at code enforcement’s pockets with cash.

      • JaxNGold

        Apparently you believe anything you’re told — just like a good little $cientologist. Take a real look around, if you dare.

  • Kestrel

    Has anyone seen the Bunkeroo whose avatar was a young woman in a yellow dress and wearing a hat?

    • salin

      Would that be mon elle? I haven’t seen her for some time.

      • Kestrel

        Yes! That’s her!

        • Kay

          I haven’t seen her in a long time. I haven’t seen Veronica either….she was hilarious and I miss her comments. (as well as mon elle’s)

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I thought they were the same, No? I thought it was a fun type of sock, but one she said she created as an alter ego type of thing. But it’s about my bed time. My brain starts shutting down about now.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Yep me too! :)

            • Kay

              Were they? Boy I was clueless as to that. No wonder I liked them both !! Laugh. I do miss them/her.

            • Robert Eckert

              OSA hasn’t been using “elle” much lately (or else I don’t hang out at the right gossip sites; but “elle” used to post all over, often) so maybe “mon elle” has retired that particular ID which I think was basically intended as a counter to “elle”

            • Kay

              Was “mon elle” also Veronica?

            • Robert Eckert

              That I don’t really know but I’m pretty sure “mon elle” was a secondary not a principal ID.

            • Kay

              I do remember someone making up mon elle to counteract elle, but I didn’t connect it to Veronica in particular. (I don’t remember who did that)

            • salin

              But mon elle kept posting, long after Veronica had stopped posting.

      • Ben Franklin

        I haven’t seen mon elle in quite a while too.

    • Ben Franklin

      I just checked mon elle’s disqus profile and next to her nickname it shows in brackets (1937-2015) and location “in memory”. I don’t know if she passed away or what that means.

  • Vaquera

    Miss Tia…I just tried to reserve a room at the HowdyCon venue (just in case) and it tells me that the promotional price for HowdyCon is unavailable. Perhaps I’m too late? f5

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      I’m going to assume you put in a date other than June 17-19? They haven’t updated the system yet. Put in the dates 17-19 with the code and it’ll work fine, email me your reservation code # and i’ll make them change it. Someone emailed me today with that problem—they tried to reserve starting the 16 and it wouldn’t work. I thought that had been fixed, but it hadn’t been. They’re on it, and more importantly, I’m on it and i’ll make ’em fix that!! :)

      That rate is good for up to one month prior to the event. I got a signed contract with them. Also good 2 days beofre and 2 days after. But like i said, if you put in a day before, it’s not working now.

      • Vaquera

        I put in for the 17th-20th because I learn from my mistakes. Two plane flights and a three hour bus ride to get home the day after the last Cleveland event was the most painfully hungover travel I’ve had to endure since college days…..and it’s ALL JIMMY3’S FAULT!
        (“Hey, Vaq! Let’s have one more round.” Sheesh I’m a lightweight.)
        (to add: and a sucker for those limpid eyes)

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          oh crhist, that sounds like like travel trip to hell!

          • Nat-leficent

            No . . . Clevelan . . . never mind XD

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              2 flights And 3hrs on a bus, hungover? Jeez, where was V coming from? Marcabia?

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Parma…..

            • Vaquera

              It’s not easy to get anywhere directly from my New England hamlet.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              Wow – I guess not – That’s a tough trip !

            • Vaquera

              It’s a tedious trek when sober!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              I’d have to be totally out for the bus trip part

          • Vaquera

            It was a truly, completely, all-round painful day. Worth it….but holy heck it was awful.

        • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

          Put in for the 17-19, send me the reservation # or if you could hold off til tomorrow. It will be sorted!!

          ETA: the rate WILL be good on the 20th!! they just gotta change the computer system!

          • Vaquera

            I’ll hold off. No worries.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              Thanks! I’ll post when it’s sorted! I actually saw an error in their listings so I just shot him an email pointing that out (they should appreciate that :)

        • Robert Eckert

          Destiny was telling you to move in with Jimmy immediately, but you blew your chance.

          • Vaquera

            The story of my life.

          • L. Wrong Hubturd

            She’s too classy to move into Jimmy’s parents basement.

            • Kay

              “quick on the draw you are, laugh you made me do” (my yoda impression for the evening)

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              Fail you have….mmmmmmhhhh. Just kidding, but I couldn’t resist.

            • Kay

              LOL !!

  • beauty for ashes

    Troll discussions getting weird. f5

    • Lucille Austero

      *clapping*

    • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

      She was talking about the video I posted, has clips from Silence of the Lambs :)

      • beauty for ashes

        Oh no not Kim, that’s totally normal for Kim 😉

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Rats. I missed the drive-by troll. I am reduced to replying to things posted three hours ago…

  • Kay

    “A seemingly infinite source of answers
    To any question we might ask
    Except for one
    The one we thirst for
    The one that leads to understanding….
    The question that lies at the intersection of technology and spirituality:”

    Where is your wife Shelly Miscavage, Dave ?

  • WOG3232
    • http://www.tonyortega.org/ DodoTheLaser

      Jim Mathers can handle this flap single handedly by just showing up in front of the judge and gifting him with his smile. And driving off in his Maserati.

      • Ben Franklin

        The man seems to have more teeth in his jaws than a full grown crocodile.

  • Jacko

    They always get the hottest bitches in their adds.

  • Jacko

    They will never outdo this one from a couple years ago…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1y1SQXW-ag

    • Qbird

      holy crap – a teenage Tommy Davis is in this! I’ve seen the ‘real’ ad, but not this funny -or- die.
      This is good.

  • Jimmy3

    WTF. I’m here knocking at the front porch. Can’t you hear me, infinity?
    http://youtu.be/3fa4HUiFJ6c

    • Kay

      ^^^
      The “porch of infinity” will surely make it into the Underground Bunker lexicon for 2016….possibly for all time. (otherwise known as infinity…see how it never ends?)

      • Jimmy3

        Sponsored by Robot Pants #2
        lucillesrobotoutffiters.com

        • Kay

          Laugh !

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I don’t even have to step out on the porch for it – I have an effects processor that has an “infinity” option. I think I’ll have to try it now

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          How can you have infinity of something that does not exist? This hurts my head. If only armygirl’s daughter were here to explain quantum mechanics to me, so as I might understand it one day.

    • Vaquera
      • Observer

        I regret to inform you that I cannot upvote that song under any circumstances.

        • Vaquera

          I still love you just the same.

          • Kay

            Hey I’m diggin’ it !! “knock threee times on the ceeeiling if you want meeeee” (toes tapping) I have always thought that it’s so corny that it’s actually sort of enjoyable in a kitschy sort of way. :-)

            • Vaquera

              Reminds me of junior high school nights at the roller rink circa 1973.

            • Kay

              I think Tony Orlando is alive and well and singing this in Vegas still.

            • http://www.misstia.livejournal.com Miss Tia

              I thought he had his own theater in Branson?

            • seriouslyWTF

              Three Dog Night does that to me.. Spent a lot of my childhood at Sunset Rollerama.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          I upvote that sentiment!

      • salin

        Now for some knocking disco style.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ztZ7WFo3nw

      • kemist

        We have a french version of this.

        In that time, they used to translate songs here.

  • L. Wrong Hubturd

    Just noticed that Mr. Mather’s shirt looks a genuine Ted Stourton, lightbox original.

  • L. Wrong Hubturd
  • Joel Bruner

    The “mystery sandwich” tactic of this ad (and Scientology in general) makes me think of the chorus to Jimi Tenor’s “Paradise Can Wait” — the BIG reveal is always around the _next_ corner:

    “Show them what it’s all about (keep ‘em guessing baby)
    but never show a thing (must be mysterious)
    Show them what it could be like (but keep your cool)
    but never let them in (‘cause paradise can wait)”

    https://youtu.be/DpvvBtSPETA

  • Harmless Weirdo

    I stopped by Goodwill this evening, and while browsing books spotted this pristine, unread collection in the Fiction section, where I expect they will remain until culled and sent off to be pulped. I was amused and thought of you Bunkeroos, but admit I didn’t even notice the copy of Clear Body, Clear Mind next to them until after I got home and looked at the photo.

    In the Religion section was a copy of The Scientology Handbook, for $4.99. I almost bought it, just for shits and giggles, but then again, having read enough Scientology material online, I already knew it would be all shit, and so damned dull any giggles weren’t worth the trouble. And when I saw the $4.99 price tag, I thought, “The poor clam who got pestered into buying that doorstop sure as hell didn’t pay $4.99 for it.”

    So somewhere in my neck of the woods is a Scientologist who rid themselves of a bunch of books, and I hope this means they are now an ex-Scientologist…

    • Qbird

      All the titles are covered up a bit except for one: Greed. great shot.

    • ReallyMGM

      I’m signed up for that Book Bub thing that sends notices of specials on ebooks. A month ago there was a $.99 special on a 1930 Hubbard sci fI book. I didn’t check, but I wonder how many of his old books they are selling for a dollar now on Amazon.

      Excuse any typos. Auto correct is going haywire and I am missing many of them before I post. Trying to edit when I see them. Having massive tech problems in my world.

    • aquaclara

      Ha ha, I hope so, too. It must be a crusher of a moment when the realization hits that those “priceless” books are worth absolutely zilch.

  • jazzlover

    Who am I, and why in the hell can’t I find my way home?:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT-SFgkVlno

    • ReallyMGM

      You always play the best music. 😊 Winwood and Clapton were great together. Was Ginger Baker on that?

      • jazzlover

        I hope it’s ok that I do that. This is an updated version recorded in 2007, with Derek Trucks and Doyle Bramhall added on guitar. The Trucks connection with Clapton is that his father, Butch Trucks, was in the Allman Brothers Band with Duane Allman, who recorded Layla with Eric before he passed away. So, no Ginger here, unfortunately. His drumming on the original version was subtle and some of his best drumming ever.

        • ReallyMGM

          Ah. My best friend hung with the ABB in the 60s. Sort of A Cameron Crowe thing, but a few years older with a camera. His stories, memorabilia and photo collection are incredible. He has a photo of Gregg with Etta James I would kill for. Many of his photos and memorabilia are in the Big House in Macon and Georgia Music Hall of Fame. He’s still friends with Derek Trucks and the other surviving members of the band. (He keeps saying he is going to write a book about his nutty friendship with Gregg!)

          ETA: Beware of Mr Baker is one of my favorite music docs. Guy is a nut but so great.

          • jazzlover

            That’s pretty cool. Was he with them at the Fillmore East for those legendary shows?

            Layla’s one of my “top 5”, btw. It screams. Eric hasn’t been that good since. And yes, I saw that doc. All I can say is that Ginger’s unique and pretty damn bitter. LOL. Breaking the interviewer’s nose at the end was pretty shocking.

            • ReallyMGM

              He missed that. He was around during the Mason years, then the Cher year(s) in California. One funny story involves Gregg trading him a purple crushed velvet suit for two pair of Levis.

              Layla one of my favorites too. His music has spanned my entire life though. I’m glad I got to see him last year because I don’t know how much touring he will do anymore.

              ETA: My hubby was a drummer so we every so often have the Bonham vs Moon debate. He always throws Baker into the debate, too.

            • jazzlover

              Just out of curiosity, which side of the debate do you come in on? 😉 Baker thinks he’s better than everybody who ever breathed air, btw. LOL

            • ReallyMGM

              Bonzo.
              We also have have the Plant vs. Daltrey debate.

            • jazzlover

              Good :) I’m a huge Zep head. More recently, even Townshend has said that Moon was not a great drummer. I think it’s all about rebellion and crazy energy with him, as far as the connection with fans of the Who goes. That’s not to say I’m not (Quadrophenia is another of my top 5). Bonzo was the shizz and Baker annoys me with his “he can’t swing a sack of shit” nonsense. It’s pure jealousy. Beck and Clapton were also jealous of Page, but that’s another story 😉

              Without getting into the whole singer debate, I will say that my favorite “white boy soul” singers are Winwood and Rodgers (see here for an example):

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTMC_KxJ6Js

    • Sid

      Nice.

  • jazzlover

    In continuing with the good musical vibes, here’s another fave from the one and only Blind Faith (ha ha!) album:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5uTiIsSAjs

    • Doc M

      Here Jazz,

      Raw Clapton, (handling all the guitar work) showing how good he really was. Hard to say, but I think this might be his best, showing what he really could do. The band kept up with him, Gordon’s drumming (yea the schizophrenic in prison -which you know Jazz), showed how above most of the rest in rock drumming he was.

      Funny, this is probably his last great album, yet every once in a while on a recent live show, he lets go and positively still has it. He just doesn’t let it out too often. I haven’t seen him but heard some recent recordings. Yea, he an still play.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywdU0C2GH2o

      I think if you take Clapton, Beck and Page, you have the three greatest rock guitarists of the period, and their works still holds up.

      Btw, I saw one of the late shows of this run at the F East and no one moved a muscle while they played.
      We were glued to our seats and mesmerized. Bill Graham flew out to introduce him (something he only did for the top artists) and shook his hand.

      Btw, the opener was Humble Pie with Marriott and Frampton. The middle act “Ballin Jack” is long forgotten.

      Jazz it’s about a 16 minute song, I think and from the first note to the last, this band cooks.

      Btw, did you know the piano part at the end of Layla was written by Jim Gordon and Rita Coolidge. Dwayne wrote the Layla intro.

      45 years later, it still hold up. God, I’d love to go back to that time.

      • jazzlover

        As I said, Layla is a top 5 album for me. Given what you’ve said, and I agree, I just don’t get the over-fascination with Hendrix, who is continually primped as the greatest of them all. He was certainly not a “conceptualist” as good as Page, and his career lasted less than 4 years. For my money, no guitarist in rock ever had a better 5 years than Clapton did 1966 through 1970. I know that stuff very well, including Gordon’s role in the song. And that’s one of my favorite live albums. Cool that you saw them. This leftover (from the first Crossroads box) is absolutely stunning:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q4WYd8FimI

        • Doc M

          answered via email

  • OOkpik

    A cat is doing strange things to my mirror and I don’t know what to do.
    pic

    • Juicer77

      The ultimate predator!

  • https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shorpy_Higginbotham Shorpy

    Man accused of threatening to kill David Miscavige, Church of Scientology members

    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-death-threats-david-miscavige-scientology-20160105-story.html

    • Juicer77

      That’s bizarre and a very, very stupid thing to do. Let’s see what Tony has to say about it.

      • Newiga

        That is an incredibly stupid thing to do. No one should be threatened with violence under any circumstances. Scientology deserves the criticism it gets but vandalism, threats and violence ARE NEVER the way to go. NEVER!

        There are also several interesting tidbits in “Pouw’s” statement

        “From what we have been told, his actions appear to have been incited by anti-Scientology propaganda,” said Karin Pouw, the spokeswoman.”

        Parishioners and the church’s leaders do not routinely face threats of violence, Pouw said, adding that the church does not discuss threats made against Miscavige or others.”

        She also blamed rising levels of “religious hate and bigotry”for driving such violent threats.

        “This case involving an apparently unstable man who told police he was incited by anti-religious propaganda shows the dangers of bigotry and hate spread by irresponsible individuals,” Pouw said.

    • Missionary Kid

      For one thing, the guy was “the Russian” and the arrest happened a while ago. He’s already been extradited to California and, of course, Karen KaPow placed him as one of the group of anti-$cientologists.

      He’s a nut.

  • Fink Jonas

    They want to appear to be all “tech savvy” when all they know is how to make a slave.

  • http://www.ScientologyHostage.com Brian J. Sheen

    A great Superbowl ad….They are good at creating magical illusions aren’t they? The ad is filled with great images but I must say that Newiga’s text what be spectacular and share a truth that might explode the Darth Miscavige’s Death Star Church!

  • RGN

    That is the goofiest commercial. They are trying to talk about real technology not Scientology B.S. when from all accounts the tell people to avoid Internet and online news. The Internet in the days of Flubbard was not so cool for the kids.

  • http://scicrit.wordpress.com Once_Born

    It’s best to click the ‘reply’ link at the bottom of a comment and fill your answer in there. It will then appear under the question.

    I’m assuming you are answering a question like ‘did you report this to the police’ which has now disappeared downthread, so your reply does not make much sense in isolation.

  • Cushty Juvil

    Sorry:-( I am rather new on this site.

  • Missionary Kid

    Don’t worry. We were all newbies at one time or another.

  • Newiga

    Welcome, CJ!

  • http://scicrit.wordpress.com Once_Born

    No apology required – I just wanted to insure we could ‘hear’ you.

  • Cushty Juvil

    Thank you!