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And Now For Something Completely Different: Scientology Stand Up!

ValleyOrgThumbYou just have to hand it to the folks in the San Fernando Valley. They’ve tried raising money for an Ideal Org with bowling nights and by selling doorknobs. And now, well, apparently it’s time for a little old-fashioned show biz.

For those just joining us, the Church of Scientology is in the grips of crisis, and is losing members in part from the endless rounds of fundraising to purchase new buildings dubbed “Ideal Orgs.” Church leader David Miscavige has made these projects a priority even though they’re replacing facilities that weren’t full to begin with. So local members, like the trio in this video, have to come up with creative new ways to convince wary parishioners to come on down for another round of heavy fundraising pressure.

In the Valley, that means trotting out reliable Nancy Cartwright and Jim Meskimen for a night of hilarity!

First, enjoy this new entry in the pantheon of epic Scientology music videos…

 

 
And here’s the flier it came with…

 
ValleyOrg1

 
In that roster of spectacular talent, we noticed a reference to “Laughworks.” What’s Laughworks, you ask? Well, imagine the hilarity that ensues when you have a comedy troupe made up of high-level Scientologists who perform skits without curse words and without references to sex. Talk about a night of laughs!

Laughworks is the brainchild of a Scientologist named Tom Solari, who has performed for many years, in particular with a fellow church member named Clark Carr.

Hmm, Clark Carr. Doesn’t that name sound familiar?

Sure, you remember — two weeks ago, it turned out that Scientology’s drug rehab in the Atlanta area was not only the subject of a criminal probe of insurance fraud, but also an investigation of credit card fraud. Multiple former patients told law enforcement that Narconon Georgia had fraudulently taken out credit cards in their names, and then had maxed them out.

Well, it turns out that Carr is the president of Narconon International, and when he was asked about the allegations, here’s what he said to WSB Radio reporter Pete Combs:

It would, of course, be contrary to Narconon’s policy to engage in the conduct you are alleging and I am unaware of it ever happening. Narconon International and all Narconons are bound by strict state and federal privacy laws. Therefore, we cannot discuss any details about any individuals or their loved ones that claim to have been involved with our program without their written authorization.

Is that so? Actually, former Narconon official Eric Tenorio tells us that taking out credit cards in the names of patients is nothing new for Narconon. He shared with us this Michigan Narconon e-mail from 2008, which he said would have been shared with high-level executives, including Carr…

His son started in the program 5/9/08 and when it came time for financing he spoke to [official] about getting his own financing with his own Bank. This was the agreement as to the payments of the program. [Official] went against his original agreement and with [patient]’s personal information; Name, address, social security number and birthdate he had several credit cards open accounts under his name and since then he has received about six credit cards of Visa, Master Card, American Express and Discover. He said he has received two Visa cards, two Master Cards, one American Express and two Discover Cards. He has received cards from companies like Capital One, Bank of America and banks he has never heard of.

The e-mail goes on to explain just how difficult things have been for the patient as he struggled to cancel the cards.

Well, maybe Carr is better at comedy than he is at running Narconon. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Thankfully, Laughworks has a website with examples of its comedy stylings. In this video, that’s Carr on the left — he’s tall and balding…

 

 
Isn’t that wholesome fun? And in this one, Carr is playing a wealthy man named “Thurston”…

 

 
Well, there’s no doubt about it, those Valleyites are in for a big night of laughs!

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on May 17, 2013 at 07:00

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  • Xique

    Going to build a Chapel of Love…. frightening.

    • Missionary Kid

      I thought the harmony was pretty good, but the words, yes, frightening.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Get thine self to a comedy club quickly. I am very worried about you.

        • Missionary Kid

          You had me worried with the first two sentences. The last two reminded me of Emilie Latilla.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Where do you think I stole it form?

            • Missionary Kid

              You had the phrasing down perfectly. I remember he commentary on Soviet Jewelry.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Jewry!
              Gosh I miss Gilda Radner. I used to love her Patti Smith imitation.
              Dead on.

            • Missionary Kid

              She was TALENTED.

              They started to change the name of Gilda’s club, because they thought that younger people wouldn’t know who she was, but it raised a shit storm of protests, and it was stopped.

    • sister wendy

      Frightening….scary….just….just….what can one say? My inner gay man wants them all to get better lighting and have facials, but I suppose that is beside the point.

  • John P.

    In the “Where’s Mikey” video, it appears that Clark Carr has a mullet. It may just be a ponytail, but if it is a mullet, why should anyone trust a guy with that hairstyle to make important decisions or to get up on a stage? Oh, wait, the cult already has another guy with a mullet in a position of responsibility: official speechwriter and fawning toady for COB, Mr. Danny Sherman. Does this mean that mullets are super-theta in Scientology?

    • Observer

      Theta in the front, straight up and vertical in the back.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        That’s what they use the oiliness table for: it’s a hair gel.

        • Poison Ivy

          Brilliant PTBA2!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      I have to give him a pass. I live in Central Florida.
      “A Mullet” is not just a jumping fish here!

      It is Vogue!

      • FistOfXenu

        You mean mullet-wearing $cienos do that stupid dance?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Mullets and ponytails are very instrumental tools in the co$.. dm needs a handle when he beats his lackeys’ heads into brick walls..

  • Observer

    Enjoy the comedy stylings of The Least Hilarious People On the Planet! Or not.

    I tried to watch a Laughworks video once, and it was so excruciating I lasted less than a minute. But what can you expect from people trained to operate in the valence of pompous cornball LRH?

    • sister wendy

      I love that: Least Hilarious People….now that’s hilarious:)

  • aquaclara

    Ideal org scam meets Narconon scam. And they think this is funny.

    Tony and Eric calling the COS out yet again. Thank you.

  • Missionary Kid

    I found the videos to be pretty good – if they were done for talent night during a week at bible camp.

    Obviously, they were meant and performed for friends and neighbors.

    I’d like to find out how many people actually show up. The talent is only mildly amusing, but the apprehension at being regged for more money will probably keep the audience small.

    • Exterrier

      God help me, I know these people. They have talent among them, or a couple do anyway, but there is definitely something Bible camp about it all. And they have been working on this act for years and years with no real success. The sexless aspect gives it a sense of unreality….I don’t mean the lack of foul language……you can be hilarious without that crutch. And where’s the damn punch line? But this almost feels computer generated, and performed by automatons. Gee, kinda like walking into an org, or attending an “event”.
      And all those Reg personnel standing in the back of the hall, by the exit doors, grimly waiting for it to be done so they can “body route” you as you leave to a table where you write a check for Little Davey’s Ideal Morgue scam…….makes me squirm thinking about it.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I bet those two ladies could be funny given the right material.

        And that is all I got!!

        • sister wendy

          I hope so, BTN. For me all the clips were a bit like watching World’s Worst Community Theater Ever. They’ve got money- why not get the right lighting, clothes, sound engineer and make it look “fun” to be part of it. This is just cringable. Like being stuck in one of those anxiety dreams when you’re currently unemployed as an artist: “oh no! What if this is all I ever get to do!”

        • Exterrier

          They are lost souls, totally coopted by a scam they are very devoted to. And they are kind of stars in the tiny world of L.A. Scientologists, and that’s all. The most talented one is the heavy guy playing little mikey in that awful skit. Very Gleason like abilities, but they are just so so lost and past any prime year potential, and so in debt forever for their OT illusions……and these guys are on higher levels, masters of all space and time. So sad. But not as sad as the slave kids and abortions and suicides. This is just the pathetic outer shell of something that is oh so rotten on the inside.

      • Missionary Kid

        There’s no passing the offering plate, is there?

        • Exterrier

          Hilarious picture of that just went through my mind. Sure, you just write your account number on a slip of paper and lay it on the plate.

          • Missionary Kid

            If you’re smart, you change a few numbers.

            • FistOfXenu

              The fun would be finding out the number to 1 of DM’s accounts. Go ahead guys, reg THAT. Then pack your bag. You’ll be in the Hole a long, long time.

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    Yeppurs, them $cions are a ball of laughter.

    I suspect that we will be seeing a lot more “creative” regging from here on out as they increasingly get more desperate. And they clearly are. I love today’s headline in the Birmingham Daily Mail: “Scientology HQ of ‘corrupt, sinister and dangerous cult’ given green light” I mentioned this yesterday when the only big objection was the er.. uhh… traffic the building would bring. They are starting to get the full picture now.
    http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/scientology-hq-corrupt-sinister-dangerous-3865668

    Well, if they can start renting out buildings for NOI singles weekends, and now they are doing SNL ($cion Night Live), what’s next? Dancing with the Dianetics Stars? Kirstie is hosting that one. Or since they bought that great old studio, maybe they will expand into soap operas: ‘Many Lives to Live’ or ‘All My Engrams.’

    • hogarthian

      It amazes me that they refer, in their promotional video, to Birmingham’s reputation as a centre of industrial production. They clearly haven’t done their research. There is no manual ‘industry’ in Birmingham anymore. The only U.S. comparison I can make is Detroit. They’ll be lucky to find anyone who isn’t on the breadline. Good luck to them hoping to ‘clear’ an industrial wasteland.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Scientologist’s are always on the cutting edge of everything!
        I expect in the next few years, they might even stumble on Jack Kerouac and possibly the Beatles!

        • Poison Ivy

          They are still stuck in LRH’s 1950’s Cold War World.

        • Missionary Kid

          I don’t think they’ve discovered the original Elvis yet.

          • FistOfXenu

            Oh they discovered him all right. And they’ve been trying to forget him ever since he walked out when they tried to reg him. But they got his family instead at least til Lisa Marie followed his example.
            http://www.lermanet.com/cos/lisamarie.html
            http://www.rickross.com/reference/scientology/celebrities/celebrities11.html

            • Missionary Kid

              I was trying to illustrate how far behind the times anything that was derived from LRH was, and I forgot the Priscilla/Lisa Marie connection.

              Thanks for the references. Elvis had enough people wanting money out of him, so I’m sure he could smell some cons.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Oh I think they did when he told them to pound sand!

            • Missionary Kid

              See my reply to FOX. You’re right.

        • FistOfXenu

          Could somebody persuade them to try body routing Kerouac and Lennon and Harrison? Think of all the fun! $cientarCONon meets 1 of those new age channelers.

    • “The committee was told that their views on Scientology were not relevant planning grounds for refusal and the council could leave itself open to costly legal action if the application was turned down.”

      In other words, let us in or there is going to be trouble. Way to charm your neighbours $cn. i like how they admit traffic won’t be a problem. It becomes more obvious everyday that these are just real estate investments and nothing more.

      • But aren’t they letting them fall into disrepair once they have them? That’s hardly a smart investment strategy.

        • sister wendy

          They just really aren’t smart. It took me a long time to figure that out. The smart ones get out eventually. The ones in can be sweet, mean or deluded….but if they can balance a checkbook, make money or know how to change a tire, I will be really surprised. I think it must be part of the brainwashing we go through when we’re in. It turns off a smart button somewhere. Talking to someone still in can be like talking to a person in Wonderland….

    • Poison Ivy

      Of course, the cult isn’t actually broke. Little Davey is sitting on a heap of cash & prizes. He just never learned to share.

    • Get Chutney Love

      There’s even a movie in there:

      Hard Body Thetans

      Starring Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and Dakota Fanning.

      John Travolta reprises his Saturday Night Fever character, Tony
      Manero. Only now, Tony is a down-on-his-luck personal trainer and dance
      instructor. Tony longs for the glory days of the 70s. This is
      established by many shots of middle-aged Tony riding subways and
      soulfully starring off in the distance while the scene fades to a shot
      of young Tony as Disco King. (Bee Gees soundtrack.)

      One day, Kirstie Alley enters Tony’s shabby studio. She’s in love
      with the handsome hunk next door (Tom Cruise), but she’s so incredibly
      fat that he refuses to notice her. Her daughter (played by Dakota
      Fanning) is her spunky sidekick, encouraging mom to lose the blubber so
      she can bag Tom.

      Many Rocky-like scenes later (Kirstie punching sides of beef while
      wearing a soiled gray sweatsuit and huffing and puffing up the stairs of
      an enormous public building), Kirstie sheds the pounds with Tony’s
      help.

      But this isn’t the formulaic drivel you were expecting — she doesn’t
      bag Mr. Cruise after all but instead falls for Tony. And Cruise falls
      for Fanning.

      http://punkass.wordpress.com/2006/05/12/worst-movie-idea-ever/

    • FistOfXenu

      My offerings:

      “As the Thetan Turns”
      “Love of Lies”
      “The Edge of the Oiliness Table”
      “Miss Susan Meister”
      “The Search for O/Ws”
      “The Secret Baby Watch”
      “The Guiding E-meter”

  • hogarthian

    What a bunch of fucking imbeciles.

    On a less critical note…. I’d be lying if I said that they couldn’t hold a tune.

    • FistOfXenu

      What bothers me is what they’re doing to it. I think they’re trying to reg it.

  • Captain Howdy

    Kathy Griffin nailed it when she said that scientologists have even less of a sense of humor than the other religious nuts.

    Thurston: “We’re not raising the child..we shipped him off to the cadet org”

    • 1subgenius

      “Humor is the one thing cults can’t stand”—Enturbulator 009 aka El Queso All-Stars

      • Captain Howdy

        Aren’t you the creator of the Enturbulator 009 aka El Queso All-Stars project?

        • 1subgenius

          Nope, but its a helluva album.
          Balls of steel, He did it as a result of being fair-gamed. Before Anonymous.
          I used 2 of his songs (with permission….granted to all who use them in the cause) in videos. “Avagram” and “No OT’s”.

          • Captain Howdy

            Yea, great stuff. Better than most of hip-hop I’ve heard.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Yeah. When watching that second video all I think of is the irony of it all.

      Besides being anything ‘but’ humorous, it was quite sad.

    • Exterrier

      Great line….. Cadet Org……… what a nightmare, and so true.

  • sharon brown

    Wow, they got away with doing a skit based on Thurston aka Tiny fists ! Guess the agreement was, ” if you make me tall, you can do it .” They Need some funny tech, ’cause what they’re doing doesn’t even pass for mildly amusing, and I’m easily amused !

  • BuryTheNuts2

    I just watched “Where is Mikey”.
    Damn it TIK, tell Tony O. I want my money back!!!!!

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Maybe Brian Culkin can help–he knows how to get money back.

      Hey, I heard that!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Hahaha, Maybe I should go befriend him, get him to help me and then throw him under the nearest bus with a Scientology Ad on it????

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          If you were a ron bot, yes, that would be the correct tech.

        • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

          You can try … but I’ve seen the pictures and videos … he’s made of the same material as Gumby and would just bounce back.

  • LemonLemon

    The “Clear the Valley”/Chapel of Love” song wasn’t bad. Good harmony. I wasn’t sure on whether the 2nd two were meant to be funny or just more of a “look at us making asses of ourselves” kind of ironic humor.

  • 10oriocookies

    My typical response to all things Narconon when asked is “They’re fucked”. My new additional comment after seeing the video is “They’re fucked up.” I mean really, trying to be funny without swearing. That’s the weirdest, most cult-like behavior I have ever witnessed.

    • 10oriocookies

      P.S. They’re fucked too.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        Eric, do you think they’re fucked?

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Hey Prefer,
          I think Eric thinks they are fucked!

          • Observer

            Wait, what are they?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              FUCKED!

              Thanks O. (now we are dancing!)

            • EnthralledObserver

              Fucked and fucked up! 😀

            • Roger Larsson

              Brainwashed say”Thank you very much” and cleared say “Fuck you very much” to LRH and cleared clears the planet.

        • 10oriocookies

          My initial thoughts were that they put themselves in a dubious position and am appalled by their lack of moral fiber. No really, they’re fucked.

        • Thank you. The ADD boys wanked us off-topic 😉

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I fucking like the fuck out of you Eric!

        Edit: Where is DeeDee?

        • Observer

          Probably applying cold compresses to her scorched ears. Or eyes. Whichever.

          • monkeyknickers

            hmmm. no. I’m putting it on my List of Important Shit (which is located on the inside of my left forearm)

            It will be good for the parasites. !

        • 10oriocookies

          Thanks. As i sit here drinking my nicely aged scotch, smoking my ingeniously smuggled cuban cigar and reminiscing about all things NN and Scn, I have come to an epiphany: It’s 9am and NN is fucked.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            So am I!
            Because you have scotch and a cigar and all I got is coffee and a V-8!

            • monkeyknickers

              V8! I want to like it but it’s so salty. Am I missing the right “flavor”?

              This is the stupidest comment I’ve placed on this board yet. Sorry BTN.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Have you tried the low sodium version? That is what I buy and its way better.

            • Last I heard, V-8 with some cheap clear rocket fuel is the university inmates idea of a Bloody M.

        • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

          It’s too bad you can’t tag people by name in comments to get their attention via My Disquss and let them know they’re needed.

          PS: if this a function … Sorry for not knowing.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Hey, That would be cool!

            “Paging Observer to the Graphics department!”
            “Paging Capt. Howdy to the Pharmacy”
            “Paging SPF (bring band-aids)”
            “Paging BTN to the Taqueria”

            Yeah, this could work!

            Tony, we need an enhancement!!!

            • Captain Howdy

              “Connect me to the pharmacy..and make it snappy!”

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Screw that, SPF just needs to hook you up with a permanent IV shunt!

              I am just trying to be expedient and practical!

            • Captain Howdy

              Yay!, I’m getting a IV shunt!

            • sugarplumfairy

              Just say no!!!!

    • Observer

      Given the potty mouth of their ecclesiastical leader, why do they even bother?

      • scnethics

        He does have a pretty mouth.

        • Observer

          ..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I really think his Prisoner Number should be 8-8008!

            • Ciru

              8 Boob?

            • sister wendy

              Haha! how about this: 8410…and all I got was this teeny body!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              HAHA. If you ever want to read some really funny stuff, go to Amazon and read the book reviews for 8-8008.
              You will pee on yourself.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              Well … if a 1-year old reader finds it helpful .. maybe someone who’s push 75.3 million might need to look at it …

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              ..

            • scnethics

              Excellent 🙂

            • LisaIsRemembered

              Comedy writes itself.

            • Too bad spelling wasn’t some of the knoledge they picked up.

            • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

              I’m sure he/she at least cleared all of the words and did a clay demo before posting.

              Besides, what’s spelling or grammar when you’re posting clear and accurate theta data?

            • Observer

              Theta data. Theta data. ThetaDataThetaDataThetaData. That’s kind of fun to say.

            • FistOfXenu

              Great! And 7 of 15 people don’t have the reading skills to understand they were being conned?

            • “that is one of the best book a man can get . the knowledge in this book can save you from sad and very bad life. here you can find the knoledge you need for a better future for yourself.”

            • Captain Howdy

              “Unfortunately, physics wasn’t really Hubbard’s cup of tea I think. Going
              to a planetarium or reading stuff about the solar system on Wikipedia
              would teach a person far more than this book. Hubbard was the authority
              on the mind, art, music, communication, financial success,
              relationships, anthropology, anatomy, nuclear sciences and so on. But
              after reading this book, I’m no longer sure that Hubbard is the highest
              authority on the universe or the laws of physics”

              ROLF!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Hubbard!
              Physics!

              Same sentence?
              Can’t breathe!

            • Where’s that triple facepalm? I think I need it now.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              SEE…SEE!!!
              This is a fun thing to do when you are bored, or if you have finished memorizing your local train schedules!!!!

            • Did you notice the reviews by James Houston? Claims to be a student of Scientology, but gives everything by L. Ron Hubbard 1 star.

              >> Scientology Classics Lectures – FULL SET

              I have been a Scientologist for a while mostly because it has changed my life for the better. When I bought this comprehensive set I thought wow now I’ve got ALL the classic lectures but a girl at the local Org (Irving, Tx) said I should of bought the set through them instead of amazon. Personally I thought $100 was way to much for all this stuff and the Church’s cost was even higher. I guess that got me down because I smashed all the discs with a hammer. I guess I wasted $100 and I’m definitely not going to buy them again, that girl should be fired for what she said to me. <>The Phoenix Lectures: Freeing the Human Spirit

              Scientology has definitely saved my life but this is not one of the things that did it. I succeeded in freeing my spirit through study and auditing. After fully absorbing all of the data in these lectures I took them to Half Priced Books to recoup some of my cost. They not only refused to buy the set at any price, the had the nerve to ask if I wanted them to throw them away for me. Unbelievable! <>Scientology:A History of Man

              Unlike the squirrel that gave this book 1 star, I know that
              this is real science. As far as I’m considered this book is THE book on the
              subject of anthropology. I wasted time and money in college taking
              “anthropology” classes and learned nothing.. Most institutions of
              higher learning have a natural bias against the scientific discoveries of LRH.
              The reason I gave this book a low review is that a girl called me asking if I
              owned a copy to which I replied, “Yes”. She asked if I would buy
              another one to help her keep her job and I said, “No”. That was a
              year ago, I did some checking, she is now an RPFer.<<

            • FLUNK_101

              Very funny, BTN!

              If only Scientologists could take a joke, that would be a great straight line for a Scientology comic:

              “Hey, have you read the reviews on Amazon for 8-8008 ?”

              These Scientology comedy videos are pathetic. They walk a thin line, trying to appeal to Scientologists without insulting the church … they are essentially great “straight lines” in themselves.
              Like the one about Thurston. He not only has money, he actually spends it … on himself! All it needs is a punch line:

              “I just completed OT VIII, and I realized I have enough money to last me the rest of my life … unless I want to buy something!”

              Or Mikey, the all-knowing theta-being! He pretending he’s “hiding,” and the other thetans pretend to “not-know” where he is, in order to have a “game.”

              Can anyone think of a punch line?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              See what you did there Flunk? You are a walking testament to my post to MLT about “the exes” being funny!

      • 10oriocookies

        Scientology is the best show on Teegeak.

      • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

        Rule #1: Do as I say, not as I do
        Excuse #1: I wouldn’t use this language if people just did their work instead of me having to do -everything- MYSELF

        • piper

          Rule#2- Glizt & Looking Good are Everything- it’s not what ya got, it’s how you look. Pretty people iprety buildings in big crowds in picture, all appearences and no substance or character. We must appear to be doing well in hell

    • aquaclara

      “That’s the weirdest, most cult-like behavior I have ever witnessed”. Nice turn of a phrase here!
      Oh, and they ARE fucked up.
      Thank you for the laughs this morning. When you’re having fun, Oreos, so are we!

    • I’ve told this joke before but not when Oreos was here:

      A soldier is by the side of the road looking under the hood of his Jeep. Another soldier going by stops and asks him what the problem is. The first soldier says, “The fucking fucker’s fucked!”

  • Real Shellback

    Guys; give them a break will you? Clearing the Planet (TM) is NO LAUGHING MATTER! I really meant that! You have to be completely serious at all times. There is NO WAY that a Scientology member can be funny.

    Not intentionally anyway.

  • Cymboli Starsong

    Scientologists: Always striving to set that tacky bar just a little lower everytime.

    • FistOfXenu

      That’s so DM feels tall when he walks past the tacky bar.

  • sugarplumfairy

    At this very moment, the maintenance guys are probably shoring up the bars on the windows and the locks on the doors of the garden pavilion in the celebrity centre..

    • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

      To prevent people from escaping?

      • sugarplumfairy

        To prevent them leaving prematurely..i.e. before they’re bank accounts are empty..

  • whingeybingey

    Well, I for one am so joining their fan club!!

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      That will cost you a second mortgage, a relationship with your family, and a garage full of special edition Basics.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Now that was some tone 40 sarcasm!

    • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

      I wonder what would happen if -everyone- from this community joined their fan club ad shared collective thoughts/comments?

  • CoolHand

    Clark has been spending lots of time recruiting people to join Narconon for free in Mexico to get their International stats up (they claimed highest enrollment ever at the end of last summer). He now has a giant shit storm on his hands here in the U.S. and doesn’t have a clue how to handle it, so he releases ridiculous “news” via paid releases, clearly uninformed statements to the media and keeps pretending like Narconon is doing nothing wrong – yup the exact same protocol as the church’s Karin Pouw! Meanwhile, as Eric says, they’re fucked. I mean royally screwed.

    • Mary_McConnell

      Totally, lol!

    • Missionary Kid

      Thanks. That adds flavor to the story.

    • 10oriocookies

      How about “Royally fucking screwed?”

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      How is “free” enrollment in Mexico funded? Do they offer “free” enrollment in Colombia as well?

      • CoolHand

        In Mexico some local people raised money to bring Clark down there do teach them how to do the “Narconon First Step Progam” at other local rehab clinics, which uses vitamins, assists, etc. He has been going down there for at least a few years now and there were many desperate clinics who were willing to get any “help” they could for free. So other people raise the money to donate the vitamins, materials and stuff and Narconon International then counts all of these people as “students on the program” or “bodies in the shop” on their stats. More false reports for RTC events so Miscavige can pretend Narconon is doing well.

        Since people with money and access to the media and internet are staying away, and people with insurance are finding out about the fraud, the only places left where Narconon can “expand” are third-world situations they can exploit – just like the church.

        • Observer

          Because life isn’t hard enough for people in Third World countries.

          Scientology is opportunistic in the worst, most exploitative ways possible.

      • FistOfXenu

        They sell people’s body organs?

  • Michael Barger

    Dear God – the Stupid, it burns.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Michael, have you thought of philosophy as a second career?
      Let me encourage you.

  • Mary_McConnell

    Anonymous is going to make mush of these videos, lol! That woman with the fake red hair is ‘actress’ and OSA handler Noelle North, who harassed little children, preventing them from getting lunch at a Subway on Sunset Blvd during a protest. “Scientologist Noelle North Commandeers a Subway, Hollywood.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5W8ALB0SNU

    • 1subgenius

      Nice find.

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      I wonder if the corporate HQ of the Subway franchise would be interested in seeing this video? Did the owner put that sign up, or did some minimum wage guy behind the counter get bribed by the cult to do it? I think those little girls should file complaints with the local city/county government human rights commission and learn that they have rights.

    • Captain Howdy

      If I was there I would have urinated on Noelle.

  • Oyster Bay

    Ugh, the tackiness just increases with each thing these cretins do. “Gonna clear the valley”? Gross.

  • not watching it – can’t make me – eyes are burning and my credit card it gone

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Please watch the comedy videos.
      Trust me!

  • Marta

    Oh dear gawd, the hilarity. {{Double Facepalm}}

  • Pinkhammer

    As a fan of clean comedians, I have to say that this was rather pathetic. Even taking into account that skits might be harder to pull off than some sort of stand-up…
    You can’t live a life full of deceit, immorality, fraud, misery and intimidation and still be capable of finding humor in life.

    • 1subgenius

      clean comedians

      So, since Myron Cohen, who?

      • Sherbet

        Oooh, showing your age, 1sub. Me, too. I remember Cohen well.

        • Get Chutney Love

          He was one of my grandmothers’ favorite comedians. I don’t know why Borscht Belt humor would appeal to an English woman who grew up in Shanghai, China, but there it is.

          • Sherbet

            That’s funny, Chutney!

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        Yeah, I don’t think these guys will be doing the borscht belt circuit anytime soon.

        • Captain Howdy

          Yea, Gilbert Gottfried they’re not.

      • Pinkhammer

        More recently than that…
        Brian Regan
        Jim Gaffigan
        Keith Alberstadt
        John Pinette
        Paul Reiser

        • 1subgenius

          You got me there. Gaffigan is a hoot.

          • Pinkhammer

            I love me some Hooooooot Pockets!

  • Schockenawd

    You know the “comedy” is really bad when the best advice you can give to Clark Carr is to not quit his day job.

    • He may be starting up a new club soon. Crimoncomedy.

  • sister wendy

    I’m taking a short break from caring for my mom (still in hospice) Reading all the latest goings on over the last few weeks have kept me entertained- thanks Tony and everyone. I miss my cat! Blessings and hope to you all!

    • Observer

      Good to have you back!

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      I know what it is like to be away, taking care of a parent in hospice, and missing your cat. Hang in there! And take advantage of all that hospice has to offer–they are truly the ecclesiastical ones.

      • sister wendy

        they seem great so far. Am meeting more of the team next week.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Awww.
      I hope you give kitty the crib notes later.

    • sister wendy

      Thanks! I appreciate the support. Feeling a little rummy right now

    • aquaclara

      Take good care, Wendy. Wishing you the best with your mom. And kitty.

      • sister wendy

        thank you:) It’s great to have the support- super appreciated.

    • LisaIsRemembered

      Best to you, Sister Wendy!

  • Elvis Winterbottom?

    • Observer

      I said the same thing when I saw that. lol!

      • I just don’t know what to say about that. If it’s a stage name, really? That’s what you picked? And if it’s not, well, wow, your parents really must have hated you.

        • John P.

          In a search of the name-and-address database I use, there is a real person that goes by “Elvis Winterbottom.” It doesn’t list any aliases so it is entirely possible that is his real name. Check out his blog on elviswinterbottom.com and a quick skim fails to turn up much in the way of humor, though he’s clearly trying to be funny.

          What a night this will be — Nancy Cartwright doing old Bart Simpson lines; the sight of a 55-year-old woman doing a character we’ve seen on TV for almost a quarter century promises all sorts of novelty. Followed by “clean” comedy group Laughworks, whose demo reel so ably showcased their “barrel of fun” show. And then Elvis Winterbottom, whose best punch line apparently is the top line of his driver’s license.

          Perhaps this is a new strategy for fundraising that the cult hopes will be effective: make the entertainment so awful that people will pay anything to the reg’s to be able to get home before their brain curdles.

          • Captain Howdy

            I checked out Elvis also and I watched the “Dick & Jane Show”. I checked on “Jane” and she’s a clam also. Supposedly Elvis worked with the Upright Citizens Brigade, which I find hard to believe because they were actually really funny.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpGzzAD85KQ

          • Perhaps they should try taking up a collection for comedy lessons? I might be willing to donate to that, as long as they promised to never show me another one of their skits.

  • Wow, those last two were just sad.

  • sister wendy

    Maybe off topic- but inquiring minds want to know….anyone else watch Mark B and the interview with Gwen (right? That’s her name) outside the new Portland Ideal Org? She seemed honestly not to get the scam. She practically said she had the deed. She did say Corp Sci didn’t own it and that the local org did. Is she just lying? She didn’t sound like it. Misinformed? Are we wrong about some point here?

  • Truthiwant

    Talk about humour that falls flat on its face.

    Almost all groups accept satirical teasing of themselves such as musicians, actors,
    doctors, lawyers and even most religions for example. However, Scientologists don’t seem
    to have a sense of humour. It was unheard of to crack a joke at the expense of a Scientologist.

    The only joke I ever heard a Scientologist tell as a teaser of themselves was this:

    A group of Scientologists are sitting in a restaurant and the waiter seems to be ignoring
    them. At a certain point the Clear says

    “ I am going to use my Clear powers to attract the attention of the waiter and make him come
    over to our table.”

    A few minutes pass but the waiter does not come. So the OT3 says

    “ I am going to use my OT3 powers and confront the waiter’s Thetan and make him come
    over to our table.”

    A few minutes pass but the waiter does not come. So the OT5 says

    “ I am going to use my OT5 powers to exteriorize from my body and with Tone 40 make
    the waiter come over to our table.

    A few minutes pass but the waiter does not come.

    So the OT8 shouts out

    “WAITER!”

    • BuryTheNuts2

      See! Those powers are REAL!

      • Truthiwant

        The sad part of the joke is that Scientologists don’t have any money left to sit down at a restaurant.

    • scnethics

      I like that joke.

    • The best scientology joke I ever heard was –

      “How many Sea Org members can you fit on a bus?”

      “All of them!”

      • Anyone who has ever seen a bus loaded up by Sea Org members will get it. Does not matter if there are 40 or 400, they are getting on that bus!

        • dbloch7986

          hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahhahahaha

          Ohhhh man, I remember those bus trips at Flag. So many times i thought the damn thing was going to flip over on a turn.

      • Truthiwant

        Good one!!

        The Sea Org bus in Saint Hill was ancient and left a cloud of blue smoke as it puttered between Crowborough and Saint Hill

      • Ian

        Just a noob question, but how many Sea Org members are there, worldwide? If total sci numbers are < 100,000, presumably not many. But then CoS has a metric ton of front companies to run (or are those run by non SO staffers?)

        • TonyOrtega

          Ballpark numbers might be 30 to 40 thousand overall, with about 4 to 5 thousand Sea Org. Headley or others are welcome to correct me on that.

        • John P.

          Best guess: there are 25,000 to 30,000 worldwide cult members, including about 6,000 staff, with about half of those in the SO. I’ve been following this issue with particular interest, given my professional life as a data hound at Global Capitalism HQ, a giant hedge fund in NYC. Based on a mosaic of data points that we’ve seen on this blog in the 1 1/2 years I’ve been following the cult, that number seems reasonable. Incidentally, I believe there are about 15,000 total cult members in the US.

          While there are apparently some Sea Org in various front groups, I don’t believe those groups have a significant percentage of staff in the Sea Org. Many Narconon staff are former “students” of the program, and some percentage of those have probably ingested LSD; apparently, doing this even once at any time in one’s life is an automatic disqualification for the SO, as an amusing side point.

          • Ian

            Awesome, thanks.

          • Missionary Kid

            I had a fantasy of what it would have been like to have someone slip the Dinky Midget a tab or two of acid just before he took the stage in Portland.

            I imagined that he’d start seeing the mythical thetans in the crowd, but would do his best to “maintain.” Finally, he’d see all the entheta surrounding his little enclave and freak out.

            At that point, he’d start issuing conflicting orders to the faithful in front of him to attack the “bitter apostates,” but by that time, he was so high that only gibberish came out of his mouth.

            That story should add to his paranoia and keep his food taster busy.

            • grundoon

              How is that different from what he does every day?

            • Missionary Kid

              I don’t think he really believes in thetans well enough to start seeing them. He’s too rational and evil to be on acid.

      • Gus_Cox

        How many scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

        Ten. 1 to screw the bulb in and 9 to sign the routing form!

        • FistOfXenu

          You forgot 2 more to write KRs on the light bulb’s out tech points.

          • Gus_Cox

            Aw, shit. I’m off to cramming!

            I’m back.

            Turns out I also forgot about having them polished monthly.

  • Sherbet

    I’m so impatient here. I have no speakers on my work computer, so I’ll have to wait until I get home for the hilarity. In the meantime, I’ll say to Eric and Lucas, you guys are going to be invaluable to narcon’s demise. I foresee lots of testifying — WITH DOX — in the future.

  • 0tessa

    Stand up to get brainwashed, if you ask me. Stand up to empty your wallet.

  • 10oriocookies

    Does anyone know if the middle human of the three valley girls is a female or male?

    • Sherbet

      Geez, Eric, it’s the one on the right who’s really hot.

      • 10oriocookies

        I just cant tell and refuse to watch any further to find out.

        • Sherbet

          Your pain threshold has been crossed.

        • sister wendy

          well- she doesn’t actually seem to know the words, in any case. Flunk!

  • Ciru

    Going to the chapel
    But not going to get ma-a-arried
    Because COB won’t let us.

    • sister wendy

      and he stops the ba-hey-hey-bies

  • SciWatcher

    The forced laughter at the end of videos like the Valley Girls one is always really scary!

  • If you look at their eyes as they sing they look really crazy.

  • That last video has Noelle North in it as well (Thurston’s wife). For those of you who are new to the crazy, Noelle North is the one that tried to have a few hungry little girls kicked out of a Subway restaurant because the girls were there in LA participating in a picket outside a scientology facility and wearing masks.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5W8ALB0SNU

    So far she has yet to be funny in any video I have seen her in.

    As for Clark Carr. When I worked at ABLE Int in LA, Clark was working at Narconon and was pretty much useless. Clark Carr rose up in the ranks due to other people leaving or getting kicked out out or declared. Pretty sure he used to run a Narconon Center himself. Who better to manage all Narconons than somebody who has had people die at their own facility?

    Clark also used to go around and give lectures on Narconon. I guess this is what qualifies him to be the president on Narconon International.

    And then one last thing about “clearing the valley.” Lets say that last year the Valley org made 10 Clears. They didn’t and that is well more than they made, but for this example, let’s say they did. Based on if they kept up this break neck speed of Cleaning the Valley – it would only take them another 176,000 years to wrap up that target.

    If the Scientologists actually wanted to clear the Valley in their own lifetime, they would have to erect the largest building in all of the Valley (3.5 million square feet) and set up a shit ton of auditing rooms and clear approximately 5,000 people per week, every week for the next hundred years. And that just takes care of the Valley. That does not include Hollywood, Santa Monica or even Little Armenia where the largest scientology facility in LA is currently located.

    Something tells me that the Scilons need a “How to be Cause over Math Course” added to their line-up.

    • “How to be Cause over Math Course”

      *snicker*

    • John P.

      Something tells me that the Scilons need a “How to be Cause over Math Course” added to their line-up.

      Something tells me “Cause over Numbers” would cost about $14,000 and would probably do less for you than a $10 pocket calculator and an “engram” to “restimulate” arithmetic skills mastered in the third grade.

      Incidentally, the math for “clearing the planet” doesn’t get any better when you look at the global population: the UN says that there were 3.04 billion people in the world in 1960 and 6.90 billion in 2010. After 50 years of trying, they’re probably half the number of members they used to be, versus a more than doubling of the population. And yet their “stats” show them growing more in the last 5 years than in the previous 50 combined!

      • ” “Cause over Numbers” would cost about $14,000″ in easy installments of $1,000 a week for the next ten years (that adds up, right?)

        • John P.

          A quick run of the numbers says that would add up if the cult were charging an interest rate of approximately 85.96%. I believe the typical “vig” for a loan shark is only about 10% to 20% per week.

      • Truthiwant

        Regarding going up the Bridge, once in Saint Hill I got talking to an Irishman and
        he was giving me some words of wisdom about how to make a lot of money. I remember
        him telling me something like this with his beautiful Irish accent:

        “To be sure, I tink I know how to pay for my OT levels. All I need to do is to place a
        little wager on the horses. I know a bookie friend that tips me off when there’s
        a good mount and I’ll have all the money I ever need to go up the Bridge. But don’t
        say anything to my missus. She doesn’t know anything about it.”

        Unfortunately I never saw him again!!

        • Missionary Kid

          Probably because he lost most of it on the horses, and Co$ discovered he’d run out of money.

          • Truthiwant

            This guy was very funny and good company. At least betting on horses gives you a chance of winning. Scientology on the other hand…

            Of course the ‘Church’ condemns gambling but being total hypocrits they would take anything from you including laundered money.

    • 1subgenius

      Noelle North is a loathsome person never to be forgiven or forgotten for what she did to those children.

      • Espiando

        But don’t take it out on Adventures of the Gummi Bears. It was the final time that Bill Scott and June Foray worked together, and that makes it special. North doesn’t contaminate it too much.

      • Still_On_Your_Side
      • Bob

        Like all Sciebots they are programmed to protect the mother ship, no matter who they harm.
        I believe all people are basically good but can be turned bad. The church now has a penchant for turning good people bad! Turning a silk purse into a sows ear which is only useful as a doggy treat.

    • georget1952

      I know that video, and that woman was horrible. And yet it is the same “if I could kill you and get away with it I would” kind of looks that they give to all critics and protesters. Scary

    • Zana

      Love this comment!! Thank you. I live in L.A. Yes… where are all the Clears? And love this… “How to be Cause over Math course.” Most of the Scientologists I know have been broke since I have known them. I have been concerned for the older ones…because I see that they get tossed by the wayside with no money and no resources. Yet… now I realize that they are buying into that whole looney scenario themselves. I can only stand back and marvel at the circus.

      Thanks for your great contribution!

    • And that’s even if you count the 10,000 or so “natural” or “Dianetic” clears who attested to Clear in the late 1970s who may still live in the Valley (even if most aren’t Scientologists any more).

    • Bob

      Marc,
      Seems that everyone is missing the point. It is not necessary to clear everyone in the valley. Only all the assemblymen and women, corporate heads of business in the valley, police chiefs, über-rich people, members of state and federal congress, showbiz exes and creatives and key celebrities who live in the valley. In other words the people who run the show.
      That is a tiny fraction of valleyites. All the church as to do is clean up their tainted image so people like that stop running for the hills when a clam gets anywhere in their vicinity. At the rate the church is going with their PR, I agree it will take at least 176,000 years to clear the valley.

    • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

      So the woman who prevented children from getting dinner is building a chapel of “love”.

      Either much has changed for her in the last 5 years (because people can change and become better than what they were) or this is another case where the Scilons have misappropriated a common word and gave it a new definition.

      Like the words: ethics and ethical.

      As in the loving CoS is incredibly ethical in how it is handling of Laura’s PCM folders (lest anything from her Ethics folder be released) as an indication of how much her 259 member team loves her.

      Note: Pardon me while I go hurl. I’ll try to keep the volcanic eruptions to a minimum but no guarantees.

      • Lady Squash

        That’s the first time I have heard the word “love” come out of a Scientologists mouth. I didn’t really understand “love” till I left SCN.

    • SP ‘Onage

      I am genuinely offended by this bitch. It’s just not right.

      Those hungry little girls were more mature than that woman-child. This should have made the nightly news.

      Noelle North is a blight on society. Did she know the franchise owner of the Subway? Was Subway in on it?

      • stateofcircle

        waaaaaaahh they’re enturbulating me waaaaaaahh
        (i love that the word ‘enturbulate’ is always underlined in red when I type it because IT’S NOT AN EFFING WORD)

      • Lady Squash

        Now, now…don’t be so harsh. I used to know Noelle. I liked her. Any Scientologist worth their salt will do anything to protect the mother ship. She believes she is saving mankind. She has been programmed to go into action this way. Think “Manchurian Candidate”.

    • richelieu jr

      Not to mention that– per L Ron– ‘clear’ doesn’t count for your next life, so if they don’t clear the whole valley within one life-span, they’ve got to play pick-up… Methinks you’re a bit optimistic, Marc!

    • richelieu jr

      I was going to ask who she was– She looks really familiar to me…

    • Lady Squash

      OMG and I used to believe that BS. Seriously, I used to think Clearing the Planet was a real possibility and would be a good thing. Clearing the Valley…sad, so sad. Scientology hasn’t cleared one person (using the description of a Clear from the book Dianetics) in 63 years. Wake Up!

  • Ze Moo

    I’ve seen 3rd grade talent shows with more talent.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_jARQLdKdc

  • Ze Moo

    “So a word of friendly advice to my Scientologist friends: brainwashed graphic designers are a better asset than brainwashed Tom Cruises. For ever and ever. Amen.”

    http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130513/09590723059/this-weeks-bad-photoshopping-lesson-comes-scientology.shtml

    The Portland shoop has been covered all over the planet. TonyO gets kudos in this article. Is there anything the clams can’t mess up?

    • FistOfXenu

      It was the noise of the camera shutters that made them mess up. Snap! Snap! Snap! – and they were so enturbulated the rest of the weekend they couldn’t even shoop right.

  • We’ve read about cleared cannibals, but once they’ve cleared the Valley, what are they going to do about all those cleared porn stars?

    • Espiando

      Put them in the Purif, of course. LRH must have written something about Valtrex.

    • I’m waiting for them to klear the Kardashians.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        If Scientology could Klear the entire Kardashian Klan at once…I would seriously konsider a second kareer in the Sea Morgue.

        Klam’s anyone?

  • Sherbet

    Off topic: The other night I started watching a movie called “Columbus Circle.” (I got bored and lost interest.) Both Jason Lee and Giovanni Ribisi were in it. After hanging around the Bunker, I imagine incestuous links everywhere, and I wonder if cos had any part in the casting or funding.

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    Re: Tony’s update yesterday about the hearing in Laura’s case. To be accused of lying to the highest court in the state by a judge presiding over a trial they are litigating is not a good thing for a lawyer. Since it seems the judge only scolded and didn’t file a complaint with bar, these lawyers got off easy. California may be more lenient than other states, some require a judge (or other lawyer) to report a lawyer that has lied to a “tribunal.” I hope the lawyers are getting huge amounts of money from Miscavige because by the end of this trial they may not have their law license. It gives meaning to the old adage, “if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas.” Since, I love dogs, let’s change that to: ” if you lie down with Miscavige, you get fleeced.”

  • Espiando

    One of the posters that got me the most attention (especially from parents) in the halcyon days of 2008 was one I did with Bart Simpson and Sunni Gummi, with the simple tagline, “They’re Scientologists”. You should have seen the blood drain out of mothers’ faces when I said things like, “The voice of Bart gave ten million dollars to these people” and “Sweet little Sunni Gummi tried to have kids thrown out of a Subway in LA.” Considering that the only work that Cartwright, North, and Meskimen can get these days is cartoon voice-overs (Meskimen did a recent episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk), it does get parents to think about who’s behind what their kids are watching.

    As for me, I won’t be watching this. My stomach engrams have been restimulated this morning, and I need to pay a visit to the Little Marcabians’ Room.

  • N. Graham

    Wow, I keep waiting for punch lines. I was trying to imagine what “comedy” would be like from the World’s Most Humorless People. Except for Elron of course. He was a laugh a minute, or at least HE thought so.
    Even the “humor” is worse than you can imagine in $cioland.

    • FistOfXenu

      The punch lines come later when the Demented Midget grabs people by their mullets and pounds them for not getting the audience to part with more money. NOBODY’s allowed to be funnier than DM, so he has to get all the punchlines.

  • Laughworks!!! Heh, when I was dating/living with Sky Dayton’s mom, Alice, we would frequently go to their show at the equity waiver theater they used in Burbank.

    I found their improv comedy funny and charming. It was fun to throw out the initial sentence or story title and see what they would do.

    Mostly, the humorlessness of scientologists is centered around the cult. In other areas they can, and do, laugh.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Considering the humor that come’s out of ya’ll exes here on this blog…. I would say Scientology has been hoarding some of the funniest people ever!

      In fact, Scientology would have been able to obfuscate a lot of their dirty deeds had they shown a sense a humor and been able to poke some fun at themselves publicly.

      So I am thankful they aren’t that smart!

      • Well, I wrote that before I watched these videos.
        Ugh.
        They have lost their natural delivery and snappy timing. It all is forced and embarrassing to watch. Sad.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          They can get the mojo back! All they have to do it BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • “You remember how to do it, don’t you…? You just put your wits together and blow!

            • Best paraphrase of the day. 😉

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Hell yes!

          • Bob

            BTN2,
            You speak the TRUTH! I am constantly exasperated, seeing the talent that will never make it as long as they maintain their clam heads in the sand. Whenever they do take a step forward the Seaborgs descend en masse and suck them dry of any fresh blood they have managed to generate. It is one of the major unspoken Clamatology crimes, the exploitation of artistic talent.

  • Roger Larsson

    The difference between jokers and degraders and psychopaths is how things goes on behind closed doors. Psychopaths aren’t that nice behind closed doors and jokers & degraders arent’t that evil behind closed doors.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Isn’t that the truth!

      • Roger Larsson

        A cleared planet?

        • BuryTheNuts2

          No, the “cleared planet” is not a truth!
          And it never will be as long as stupid people roam around freely!
          Besides, we need the opacity for contrast and balance!

          • Roger Larsson

            The balance, the equal weight is the eternal.It’s my truth. $cientology has some paying to do.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yes they do, Roger!!!!

            • Roger Larsson

              They really DO!

  • media_lush

    Funniest headline I’ve read in a longtime:

    John Travolta Poisons Kelly Preston’s New TV Show – “Keep Calm and Karey On” – A Scientology Nutbag Showcase

    http://www.celebdirtylaundry.com/2013/john-travolta-kelly-prestons-new-tv-show-keep-calm-and-karey-on-a-scientology-051/

    • TonyOrtega

      Hm. According to Deadline.com, that pilot was already torpedoed a week ago.

      • media_lush

        Series creator Andrea Abbate is also a scion….. and, surprise, it was scheduled for scientologys newest front, ABC

    • Was that supposed to be “Stay clam and Karey on”?

      • FistOfXenu

        I thought it was “keep clam and carrion”

        Strange diet I know but it’s more meat than RPFers get right now.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Hahaha!
          X 10

    • And again with ABC. This is starting to be a little disquieting.

    • The article confuses me. It claims that Travolta’s visit to the set and schmoozing fellow Scientologist Andrea Abbate disrupted things. It seems to ignore the fact the Kelly Preston is a Scientologist too.

      • mook

        ABC did the right thing by distancing itself from the cult. I doubt JT torpedoed the pilot because he and Kelly have been separated for a while, despite the desperate PR cut n paste photos trying to make it seem like they’re still together.

    • John P.

      The Deadline.com article gives the log line for that show as: “It centers on Karey (Preston), the clean-nosed black sheep in a family of petty thieves, drug addicts, and narcissists.” Given that multiple Scientologists are involved, why does that have echoes of either art imitating life, life imitating art, or both?

      • media_lush

        well, they do say write what you know….. I did a little checking up on Andrea Abbate (she’s the writer and a scion, too). From her blog back in 2006

        A family that commits crimes together….

        My brother Hal is coming to stay with us this weekend. He’s on Parole, my nephew’s on parole and my son is on parole. No one in my family can leave the city without getting a travel pass from the the police.

        In regards to my brothers and sister – I’m the only one who hasn’t been arrested for a felony or put in a mental hospital. Yes that’s right – I’m the black sheep.

        ….. there’s no hint she’s a scion on her blog http://www.andreaabbate.com/WordPress/

  • McLovin_1982

    threw up in mouth watching valley girls… not a good morning!

    • FistOfXenu

      Isn’t that what most people do when they see valley girls?

  • dbloch7986

    Oh there’s nothing better than a healthy dose of Scientology-based humor. Gosh how hilarious.

    My dad must be having a fit over the cross-dresser in the first video. He thought that John Travolta should have been sent to ethics to make amends for insulting all of Scientology in ‘Hairspray’.

    In the meantime hundreds of people (and children) are being abused, imprisoned and having their basic human rights violated at the hands of the man running Scientology.

    • Observer

      Your dad must not get that celebrities and whales can do anything they want as long as they throw money at the cult. It’s only the poor peons who get screwed to the wall.

      I sure hope he comes to his senses soon, for your whole family’s sake.

      • Bob

        Yes, I agree. Those clams are the pillars of salt that hold up Mouse-cavieges church of cards. It would a joyous affair to see them wake up and join the land of the living. Restoring them to their family and friends.

    • Espiando

      Honestly, Derek, what I would have done was written a KR on him for stating that Travolta was out-ethics and failing to write a KR on Travolta. What’s good for the goose is sauce for the gander.

      Then again, I didn’t like my father.

      • ThetaBara

        I feel bad for laughing at this. Because the IRL reality is that it would be in policy.

  • Observer

    This is off-topic in the sense that it didn’t involve Scientology, but it sure sounds like it could have:

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/this-is-the-most-epic-brand-meltdown-on-facebook-ever?s=mobile

  • TheLurkingHorror

    Although I can’t watch video (do I really even want to this time?), it appears from the pictures that those three have a lot of issues that need auditing out. 😉

    • Johan

      You miss NOTHING

    • Snippy_X

      I’m with you LH. Everything in moderation. These vids look toxic.

  • Sherbet

    Did anyone notice the email address on the flyer? “ohtee” = “OT” Cute.

  • mook

    Those standup vids were like watching paint dry

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    Poor DM, he got “punch lines” and “punch” lines mixed up. Oh that rascal!

  • John

    I am honestly fascinated by and a little bit disturbed by these videos that Ideal Orgs put out on You Tube. I perceived this video and the Yo Baby video that the Minneapolis Org put out as weird, beyond goofy, tacky, and corny among other things. The reason I’m fascinated by this is because I wonder what sophisticated religion would allow stupid videos like this to be released to the public. They know that people outside the church are going to see these videos and when they do see these videos they are probably creeped out and think they are beyond weird. How is that good for the church? Why would anyone join after seeing a stupid video like that? I know that these videos are probably marketed to church members, so is this funny to people who practice Scientology? Or do they find it weird and goofy as well? Sorry to repeat myself but I’m fascinated because this church spends so much trying to create a professional and good looking public image, most of the time failing, with spiffy buildings, film production centers, celebrity endorsements, videos from Gold with very high production standards, etc. And then they allow videos like this to be released. I’ve wondered if Miscavage has seen videos like this one and the Yo Baby one and if so I just feel like the videos would make him so mad because they are so stupid and he seems to be the type of guy who prides himself as having a public image that is professional, and when I say that I mean with his Phillip Lim suits and extravagant sets where he gives grand speeches. I didn’t mean to infer that he cared about being professional in the work place.

    • Snippy_X

      I really think they are so warped from the inordinate amount of time they spend reliving Hubbard’s musings from a quaint 1950’s world that they don’t recognize weird when they see it. Psychopaths, in general, are known to be prissy dressers, but it is sheer mimicry. People who are hollow inside and isolated from normal can not spot weird. They are already drowning in it.

    • DrGreatCham

      Well, there’s this weird one he put out in 1973:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpaYiREkbTo

  • Brandon Roberts

    why did the scientologist cross the road to ecscape the hole for qeustioning that god is an evil alioen overlord named xenu and all l. ron hubbards lies were true all hail xenu logic and common sense are the devil

  • daisy

    No ,they don’t ride the ponies, Jenna just blows them