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Sunday Funnies VIDEO: Watch Scientologists Who are Fully Stoked!

GoldenAgeStillIf you’re like us, there’s truly nothing more inspiring than watching Scientologists talk about how much they love Scientology.

And we’ve never been quite so inspired than we were after watching a new video of rapid-fire testimonials by dozens of Scientologists who have been fully stoked by the Golden Age of Knowledge.

If you’re not really up on Scientology lingo, don’t despair. Because after watching this seven-minute video, things really won’t be any clearer.

But surely, you’ll get a contact high from these enthusiastic folks talking about their big wins on Ron’s wisdom.

It’s a theta juggernaut!

It’s a full hat for a thetan!

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Life just isn’t a mystery anymore!

You’re unraveling the entire universe!

You expand as a being right on the spot!

And is it just us, or is that actor Michael D. Roberts who delivers two of the most memorable lines?

“Every day I studied it was like drinking from the cup of knowledge and I just became more powerful as a spirtiual being.”

And

“You just sit there with that and go, I am one of the most lucky, fortunate beings in the entire universe to be sitting here being given what really is a golden age of knowledge.”

Powerful words, sir! Prepare to be blown away…

 

 
And what’s this? Another new video, and this one from the irrepressible folks raising money for the San Fernando Valley “Ideal Org.” We love the dramatic music, and then the list of names. These folks have assured their eternity!

 

 
Did you catch this line? “These beings, warriors all, are our Valley heroes — before whom even the gods bow in awe.”

That’s right, fork over a few hundred thousand dollars to Scientology so a building in the Valley can be renovated, and gods will bow before you in awe! Hot damn! Where do we sign up?

 
We have a sizable collection of Scientology mailers to share with you this week. Let’s start off with even more from the Valley, which is still making its big push for cash.

Why is Scientology leader David Miscavige putting so much pressure on church members to shell out money for new buildings? We’ve heard more than one expert tell us it’s a “build it and they will come” theory that new facilities will attract new members. But we’ve never seen one of Scientology’s own publications so clearly admit to that motivation…

 
MoreScientologists

 
And here the same notion is put another way, with a claim that a new building in Los Gatos, California has boomed stats!

 
ResultsFlier

 
Next week, the fervor in the Valley should peak with another big fundraiser. And how’s this for pressure — if you gave last time, you’ve been named, and if you don’t show up, how will you explain your absence? Oh, the shame!

 
ValleyJuly13

 
Hey, speaking of Michael D. Roberts, he’s making an appearance Saturday for the massive rollout of the new fourth dynamic media campaign!

 
MichaelDouglasFlier

 
And finally, meet Jamie, who sure looks like a fun gal.

 
JoinStaffFlier

 

Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those mailers and fliers and videos coming!

 
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Posted by Tony Ortega on July 7, 2013 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

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