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Sunday Funnies VIDEO: Watch Scientologists Who are Fully Stoked!

GoldenAgeStillIf you’re like us, there’s truly nothing more inspiring than watching Scientologists talk about how much they love Scientology.

And we’ve never been quite so inspired than we were after watching a new video of rapid-fire testimonials by dozens of Scientologists who have been fully stoked by the Golden Age of Knowledge.

If you’re not really up on Scientology lingo, don’t despair. Because after watching this seven-minute video, things really won’t be any clearer.

But surely, you’ll get a contact high from these enthusiastic folks talking about their big wins on Ron’s wisdom.

It’s a theta juggernaut!

It’s a full hat for a thetan!

Life just isn’t a mystery anymore!

You’re unraveling the entire universe!

You expand as a being right on the spot!

And is it just us, or is that actor Michael D. Roberts who delivers two of the most memorable lines?

“Every day I studied it was like drinking from the cup of knowledge and I just became more powerful as a spirtiual being.”

And

“You just sit there with that and go, I am one of the most lucky, fortunate beings in the entire universe to be sitting here being given what really is a golden age of knowledge.”

Powerful words, sir! Prepare to be blown away…

 

 
And what’s this? Another new video, and this one from the irrepressible folks raising money for the San Fernando Valley “Ideal Org.” We love the dramatic music, and then the list of names. These folks have assured their eternity!

 

 
Did you catch this line? “These beings, warriors all, are our Valley heroes — before whom even the gods bow in awe.”

That’s right, fork over a few hundred thousand dollars to Scientology so a building in the Valley can be renovated, and gods will bow before you in awe! Hot damn! Where do we sign up?

 
We have a sizable collection of Scientology mailers to share with you this week. Let’s start off with even more from the Valley, which is still making its big push for cash.

Why is Scientology leader David Miscavige putting so much pressure on church members to shell out money for new buildings? We’ve heard more than one expert tell us it’s a “build it and they will come” theory that new facilities will attract new members. But we’ve never seen one of Scientology’s own publications so clearly admit to that motivation…

 
MoreScientologists

 
And here the same notion is put another way, with a claim that a new building in Los Gatos, California has boomed stats!

 
ResultsFlier

 
Next week, the fervor in the Valley should peak with another big fundraiser. And how’s this for pressure — if you gave last time, you’ve been named, and if you don’t show up, how will you explain your absence? Oh, the shame!

 
ValleyJuly13

 
Hey, speaking of Michael D. Roberts, he’s making an appearance Saturday for the massive rollout of the new fourth dynamic media campaign!

 
MichaelDouglasFlier

 
And finally, meet Jamie, who sure looks like a fun gal.

 
JoinStaffFlier

 

Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those mailers and fliers and videos coming!

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on July 7, 2013 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, please e-mail our webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

 

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  • DodoTheLaser

    These Sunday Funnies are too good. I don’t even know where to begin.

    Just watched Zero-Dark-Thirty, keep it in mind.

    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/2csgpon.jpg[/IMG]

    Allegorically speaking.

  • FLUNK_101

    Wow!! The Golden Age of Knowledge! The wins don’t stop! Thank you David Miscavige! Hip Hip Hooray for RON!

    Cheer down, clams … what goes up, must come down, and you guys are in for a hard landing.

    • Missionary Kid

      “…what goes up, must come down, and you guys are in for a hard landing!”
      Amen.

      It’s amazing how little is actually said in the first video. I can sum it up this way:
      Golly, gee, it’s great, you can’t imagine how great it is, etc. etc. etc.etc.
      Bullshit.

      • Truthiwant

        You’re right. They only talk in generalizations. When they do actually tell you a story, it’s called OT phenomena and it is usually some sad story about finding a parking place in a crowded city centre or avoiding a traffic jam because they’re Thetan told them to take a different route that morning.

        • EnthralledObserver

          I’ve long suspected that every Scientology course is completely filled up with generalisations… as in, that’s it, that’s all they learn… we’re getting all there is to know on these vids. It’s the only way I can justify it, anyway.

          • BosonStark

            One thing the Golden Age video does is it gives clams a language to use when the write up or profess their wins, or interpret what is happening to them in their own minds.

            It seems like that must be more of an internal promotional video, right? It seems too over-the-top to use on the raw meat.

        • FistOfXenu

          “They only talk in generalizations” I thought generalizations were part of LRH’s proof that somebody is an SP. Is that wrong?

          • Missionary Kid

            LRH was all about generalizations, and an SP.

          • Truthiwant

            Yep, you’re right.
            What is that they say when a person smells a stink and asks if somebody has just farted?
            “Who spied it, supplied it!”

            • FLUNK_101

              “Who sensed it, dispensed it.”

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Who smelled it, dealt it.

              Ooh, we could probably do this all day….

            • MissCandle

              Who smelled it, felt it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              This.is.gross.

              ewwwwwww…

            • FLUNK_101

              Did you smell it?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Nope, but i am full of fart jokes!

        • JessicaSideways

          Big whoop. Google Now can plan alternate routes based on traffic too. 😉

          • Truthiwant

            Ah, with Google Now, you can only see what is happening locally, but with OT powers you can avoid traffic jams in the whole Galaxy.

            • JessicaSideways

              Ah yes, for those times when you want to pack up the kids and take a trip to Xenu’s mountain prison.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Google was actually invented by Xenu. scientific fact

            • JessicaSideways

              It’s not unusual for politicians to be in business.

              Cheney had Halliburton. Romney had Bain. Xenu has Google. 🙂

            • FistOfXenu

              SSSSHHHHHHH! I don’t want the revenuers coming after me for the income tax on that!

      • FLUNK_101

        I like to imagine that the clams in the video are talking about being in prison:
        “Being in prison is incredible, like we’re all on the same page!
        “When they throw you in your cell and lock the door shut, you can actually feel yourself expanding as a being!”
        “My first week in prison, I learned how to make wine in my toilet … it’s like drinking from the cup of knowledge, and I became more powerful as a spiritual being!”

        • Truthiwant

          “And with my OT powers I can exteriorize at will and see myself outside my cell and standing in the middle of the prison courtyard”

          • Captain Howdy

            “And when Bubba wants to play “This Old House”, I can exteriorize to Venus until he’s done with the nailing and the wood.”

            • sugarplumfairy

              hah.. You’re such a sick pup..

            • Captain Howdy

              Thanks.

        • Missionary Kid

          First laugh of the day.
          Unfortunately, $cientologists ARE in prison, constructed by LRH and guarded by DM, but it’s all in their mind.

          • FistOfXenu

            All in their mind? So where’s the toilet?

            • Missionary Kid

              In LRH’s mind, where it’s always been.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              With the toilet paper apparently.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              hah!

            • FistOfXenu

              Ah yes, Hubbard’s books.

          • Kim O’Brien

            Reminded me of the video that Mosey made . It was all ….”wow,just wow! ” and something about baggage . These “scientology is just so great because of the greatness” videos just amaze me every time ….they still have no idea how they look …how they sound …and why people think that they are genuinely on the creepy side

        • FistOfXenu

          “I learned how to make wine in my toilet”

          Maybe that’s how they used to get by in The Hole.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            The trash cans were filled with sour grapes. How the wine got into the toilets, I don’t wanna know.

            • FistOfXenu

              😛

    • BuryTheNuts2

      “Cheer down, clams”

      ^^^^ that was funny!

  • Exterrier

    Lord save us from “fully stoked” Scientologists.

    All stoked up and noplace to go. 🙁

    • FistOfXenu

      Like the old trains. And you know what you get after you stoke an old engine? Steam. Now where’s those clams?

      • Poison Ivy

        I like mine with butter sauce.

        • Captain Howdy

          Deep fried.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Olive Oil, garlic, hot sauce, basil, parmesan, and more garlic…roasted.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              and more garlic…..

      • MissCandle

        Don’t forget the Shrimp.

        • richelieu jr

          Hey, I direct the bad-joke department around here!

          I don’t recall approving this!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            You are fully hatted, yet you had a downstat week. Report to ethics immediately!

  • 0tessa

    More the Golden Age of Delusion, if you ask me.

    • Mark

      Or the Polished Turd of Ignorance?

      • FistOfXenu

        I like this 1

  • Truthiwant

    In that Valley Ideal Org flier, it looks like the person doing the layout of the publicity made the graph to fit around the photographs. He probably found that while designing it, the original graph wasn’t quite the right shape, but, hey, no problem! Just make it a bit longer and a bit more vertical there in the middle!

    • PlainOld Thetan

      Actually, what I see from the photographs is that Los Gatos “got more of” was intro lectures and hand models who can hold up lecture binders.

      My god! Does that mean Carol Merrill lost her fortune to Scientology Inc?

      • Poison Ivy

        THAT Carol Merrill?

  • EnthralledObserver

    That first video is a big, deceptive mirage… it’s really kind of infectious, and full of promises, you can almost see what they are describing, then you reach out to touch it and BAM… it all vanishes with the cold, wakefulness of reality when you remember that ‘they’ don’t even believe what they are touting!
    And while we are at it… what the fuck IS it that they are all touting????

    • Observer

      The ravings of a megalomaniacal lunatic filtered through the arrogance and greed of his protégé.

      • EnthralledObserver

        I rather wish they’d be more specific about those ‘ravings’ though, eh? 😉

        • Observer

          They’re “trade secrets”, and we can’t go around giving out trade secrets for free now, can we? 😉

          • EnthralledObserver

            I only want a few tasters… you know, to convince me that if I joined up that I’d be getting something worth it in return for all those dolla… ahhhh, nevermind, the paradox just hit me! :p

            • Observer

              The “Church” of Scientology is guilty of criminal out exchange!

            • EnthralledObserver

              And has been for many, many years! About 62.5 years, by my calculations…

          • Poison Ivy

            Yes, because all the major world religions have “trade secrets.”

            • FistOfXenu

              That they protect with copy right and trade mark and all that stuff and then they sue you just like Apple suing Android

            • richelieu jr

              I hear Buddha kept his weight los secrets pretty close to his chest (with his moobs on it)

        • Captain Howdy

          Scientology has been the gahlaxee leader in making beings more able to communicate using comic book exclamations going on 60 parsecs to this date. You have a m/u on “specific”.

        • FLUNK_101

          “I rather wish they’d be more specific about those ‘ravings’ though, eh?”

          Your question is too vague.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I finally forced myself to watch that first video. Scientologists today are such theetie-weetie, glib wimps. Okay, we wouldn’t have said wimps, just theetie-weetie glib, a horrifying insult. There was a time that anyone sounding like that, or trying to pass off those wins, those statements, with that body language would have been sent to Qual for months or start at the beginning of everything. They would have been laughed out of the schoolyard or ethics would have grabbed them by the collar for “out PR”. And they clearly can’t make up their minds whether to break out sobbing or screaming in terror.

        • richelieu jr

          Well it probably felt faster watching all that cash WHIZ and ZIP and WHOOSH out of thier bank accounts…

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        C’mon. Tell us how you really feel about it…!

      • MissCandle

        Observer, you are such a keen observer!

    • Missionary Kid

      Infomercials start out the same way, but after a few testimonials they start to talk about the product. This one never does.

      Of course, there’s really nothing to the product, and they want to charge an arm and a leg for just telling what the product is.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Glowing superlative thetaspeak that says ZERO when it comes to content.

        Frankly, I think they sound like total gibberish spewing idiots.

        • Observer

          Maybe Danny Sherman is conducting his own special comm course.

      • BosonStark

        Scientology’s product is promotion. It’s a big bait and switch, carrot-on-a-stick promotion scam advertising everything at the next level.

        When they promote that they have the answers to everything, and apparently some people think that they will at least find something in everything to make it to worthwhile. If the benefits to themselves are nominal, they get off on the lofty idea this crap is saving the whole planet.

        When I think of Tory’s little promotional video she did years ago when she was in, it was nothing compared to some of these. When these people wake up, if they ever do, this kind of thing could be embarrassing for a long time. For example, in my entire life, I don’t think I ever spoke to a person who used the word juggernaut, let alone “theta juggernaut.”

        What is this, a cult of people who really like goofy words?

    • Semper Phi

      What a great description – it really is a mirage, designed to keep people coming back for more. Surely, after you take the next course, you too will have these great blow-out wins! See how happy these people are? You can be just like them if you just keep taking the courses and buying the next set of lectures and courses! Finished the Basics and still feel like you haven’t quite “got” it (though of course your success stories state differently)? Well, buy the ACCs (for only $10,000!) and you’ll finally get it! They have always used the lavish success stories to enforce the group opinion that there are actually wins to be had, since everyone else is getting them. So, you either convince yourself you’re getting them too, or you keep buying in, since the next book/lecture/course will surely do it.

      • Missionary Kid

        It’s like someone, who’s been conned and wants their money back, who is contacted by another conman who tells them that they can get the money back for just a little more money.

        Moving target, and it’s your fault.

        • Robert Eckert

          This is an e-mail that I have never deleted because it is so classic:

          Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:13:28 +0100
          From: ALLEN MARTINS
          Reply-To: marklohnie2k55@live.com
          Subject: IMPORTANT COMPENSATION TO ALL VICTIMS OF FRAUD IN NIGERIA AND WEST
          AFRICA FROM 2000 TO 2008.

          THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE
          FROM THE DESK OF THE HONOURABLE MINISTER
          421 ROLLING HIGH COURT OH3 P63

          ATTN: ALL THE LISTED BENEFICIARY
          IMPORTANT COMPENSATION TO ALL VICTIMS OF FRAUD IN NIGERIA AND WEST AFRICA
          FROM 2000 TO 2008.
          Following the petition we received from United Nations Human Rights
          Commissions (UNHRC) and the International Arbitration panel over non
          compensation of advance fee fraud and scam victims in Nigeria. The
          federal Government of Nigeria has set up a special panel called the
          (Foreign Debt Reconciliational Panel) (FDRP)that comprises all the
          financial monitoring body of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, including
          the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria,the economic and financial crime
          commission (EFCC) and the Minister of finance to work out the modalities
          for an amicable way of making sure that every victim of fraud in Nigeria
          is duly compensated as a pre-condition of lifting the economic sanction
          the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) has imposed on
          Nigeria because of the activities of these fraudsters and also to redeem
          the good image of Nigeria among the committee of Nations.
          It is significant to mention here that the Federal Government of Nigeria
          is aware of the situation and the battered image, unholy names,
          international prejudices and bias mind, prospective investors and foreign
          contractors have for Nigeria, which is detriment to the Nation’s Economy.
          Owing to this development, The Foreign Debt Reconciliational Panel
          currently sitting in London to carry out this payment has resolved to pay
          every victim of fraud in Nigeria and west Africa the sum of US$500,000.00
          (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) each.The Federal Government
          has complied all the names of the victims and has issued a cashier cheque
          of US$500,000.00 to each person and is now ready to be sent to every
          beneficiary by the foreign debt reconciliation panel currently sitting in
          London.
          This is necessary so that the beneficiaries would not be subjected to
          officers bureaucratic ineptitude and administrative bottleneck of local
          bankers and their international allies, that always hinder the transfer
          of fund after the beneficiary have paid all that was ask of him, and
          provided all the requirements as expected of him and still the transfer
          will not take place.
          On verification of the file sent to my table for approval, your name
          among several other victims was approved to receive their compensation in
          this year’s 2nd quarter foreign debt reconciliation payment schedule.You
          are therefore advised to contact the paymaster, foreign debt
          reconciliation panel in London with your full name , official contact
          address and your private telephone number to enable him despatch the
          cheque to you as soon as possible.
          The contact details of the paymaster in London are as follows.
          NAME: MARK LOHNIE: TEL: +44-7035931406 .EMAIL:(marklohnie2k55@live.com).
          Note that each beneficiary is expected to pay only the sum of 220
          pounds(GBP,220) only being the insurance and delivery cost of D.H.L
          courier of the cheque to you.
          You are therefore advised to stop any form of communication with any
          other person or organization as the foreign debt reconciliational panel
          is the only body set up by the federal government to carry out this
          compensation.The federal government will not be held responsible for your
          failure to contact the paymaster and receive your compensation fee as
          this is the last chance you have now to receive this payment.Note that
          the payment is based on first come first serve and your are advised to be
          urgent and avail yourself of this given opportunity.
          we sincerely appologize of behalf of the federal government for what you
          have gone through in the hands of the unscrupulous elements.
          Yours faithfully
          Allen Martins
          HONOURABLE MINISTER OF FINANCE

          • Missionary Kid

            Yup, that’s what I’m talking about.

          • Poison Ivy

            It’s a clever angle, I’ll give them that.

    • richelieu jr

      Posted this above (also with an English version), but it’s too good to risk not being seen:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiIayQA80G4

  • Natalie

    Even three years after having left the cult I still cringe seeing those kinds of “success story” videos. Scientologist are well indoctrinated in the art of PR bullshit. You will notice that beyond the pointless platitudes, they give no actual examples of helping anyone. It’s all “My universe, my spirituality, my power as a Thetan.”

    Meanwhile there kids are often neglected, finances often in ruin. They are often cut off from any family and friends who are not Scientologists, and relationships with the ones who are remain conditional upon obedience to the cult. Yet, they are indoctrinated to hide any “out points”, which may reflect badly on Scientology.

    Most of us aren’t out saving the world or living a perfect life either, but the difference is we don’t present ourselves as the only hope for mankind. The day I started to break free from the cult mindset of “we are perfect and Godlike”, was the day I started to embrace and even celebrate my imperfections.

    I still feel compassion for these people because I know how exhausting it is to continuously put up a front of all is fine and dandy, when your life is falling apart because you are so afraid to face the fact that you are still, if not more screwed up because of Scientology.

    • FLUNK_101

      Good luck to you, Natalie … I’ve have had wins too. I felt good. But none of those wins ever did anything to correct those things which I consider to be my own personality flaws. Zip. Nada. Meditation has helped a little, as well as seeing a therapist … Scientology was only good for manipulating the way I feel.

      • After I moved up the “Bridge to total freedom”, I realized that none of it addressed what I wanted to improve on. Yet in Scientology when we voice what is ruining our lives, they confidently state “Scientology can handle that.” All Scientology was interested in “handling” was my ability and desire to think for myself, that being a big no-no, if your thoughts and intentions don’t align with their objectives.

        Actually, that’s not completely true as they also wanted to handle my wallet. Nothing gave them a bigger boner than cold, hard, cash.

        Good on you for seeing a therapist and finding healthy ways of dealing.

        • scnethics

          “Nothing gave them a bigger boner than cold, hard, cash.” LOL!!! So true.

        • FLUNK_101

          I had a weird dream, and it’s reminding me, in a way, of what we’re talking about.
          I dreamed that happiness was an obscenity. You could never say, “I’m happy to see you,” or “I’m happy you signed my form.”
          Happiness was considered a religious concept that was not to be mentioned in public.
          I asked my Aunt what to do. She said to talk to a priest.
          But the priests couldn’t help me because they only accepted certain religions. . . .
          I said, “Aren’t those science-fiction religions?”
          They all laughed.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Natalie…wanted to thank you for bringing us up to date on current members. Many of us are hungry for news that is not fake PR. Keep hearing that many left are under the radar and quiet because of family still “in”. Are the radar people the younger members or vice versa? Are those still “in” mostly staff? Do you think the latest major overhaul and GAT II will push most of those still in…Out? Thanks.

            • I’d say the under the radar crowd that I’m aware of, are a mix of older and younger. In my opinion those still in are staff or public connected to staff. There is a lot of what the cult calls “disaffection” going on. I’ve been shocked by what some “active” Scientologist have said about their upsets with the cult.

              The latest GAT is SURE to push more out the door. How many times can you redo the same thing. People are catching on that they are on a hamster wheel leading nowhere. The Church of Scientology creates ex-Scientologist faster than new Scientologist, that’s for sure.

            • Missionary Kid

              We can only hope that the rate of defection takes place at a rapidly accelerating rate.

              There will always be the people who will stay in to the very end, but the more that leave, the more it will be obvious that the barns are empty.

              I feel sorry for the ones who are left.

      • Zlogonje

        first time poster. long time lurker. you are good troll dude. working in your wins when she never mentions any. mentions of meditation, therapist, and character flaws was fuckin brilliant. heres probly the only place on webs where you can call someone a fucking liar, sick cunt, skankypigfuck, fucking skank, asshole, and a motherfucking catholic cunt this day and get nineteen likes next day. you own these people dude. they be pawns in the long con yes?

        • BuryTheNuts2

          One comment, and you attack Flunk?

          Interesting.

          Of all the things here, this is what you join us with?

          • Zlogonje

            I want learn to be good troll. I watch him I learn. flunk is legend and hero.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              You are such a PITA!

            • Zlogonje

              thank you.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Your Welcome. Do you want flowers? I can arrange that too!
              Edit:at least you are a quality holster!

            • Zlogonje

              sorry. don’t know what that is. but you know I love animals. how?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Aww me too.
              Maybe it is just Karmic…
              BTW, do you like them with hot sauce?

            • Zlogonje

              no. i donate to PITA, and now bunker.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I donate to bunker too. I also eat MEAT. Love fried bunnies in fact!

            • Zlogonje

              too much fat. broil better.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              True, with enough paprika, still excellent.
              You are a freak!

              I think I love you.
              (in fact, I wish I had a stella artois to celebrate in this section of the galaxy!)

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              heartwarming the way you guys bonded over bunny paprikash… i’m verklempt.

            • georget1952

              Mmmmmm Paprikash. With homemade dumplin’s yum.

    • 0tessa

      Well said, Natalie. All the best to you.

    • Marc Headley

      What she said.

    • Conditioner

      So true, so horribly true. So hard to face the fraud you’ve become, and sharing this lie silently amongst all the other {group members}. As you’re spewing this BS to non Scientologists you know they can see right through you. They’re going ‘uh huh – yeah, right’ but are too polite to really challenge the bullshit.

      I hated this so much, having to lie to family members looking at me like a cancer victim. So glad I’m no longer part of this shit anymore.

      • sugarplumfairy

        “..having to lie to family members looking at me like a cancer victim…”

        wow.. that says so much.. I’m glad for you too, Conditioner..

      • sugarplumfairy

        I’ve read your comment over and over.. It’s a stunning statement.. I think it may be one of the most honest and powerful things I’ve read here, Conditioner.. And it breaks my heart.. I so wish others still in and struggling with the same feelings could read that..

      • I knew an OT 7, now OT 8 who hurt his arm and had it in a sling. But, when he went into the “Church’, he took his arm out of the sling so it wouldn’t look like he had anything physically wrong with him.

        We can’t have the flock thinking that senior OTs are less than impervious to the dangers and illnesses that lurk in the physical universe.

        Isn’t it awesome how now that we are out of the cult, we can get a simple cold, or be peeing out our ass for days with the stomach flu, and NOT have to report ourselves to anyone for a “handling”? It’s the little things that really float my boat.

        • stanrogers

          On the other hand, not “peeing out our ass for days with the stomach flu”, handling or no, would be even more awesome. Take care of yourself, and watch the shrimp, eh?

          • Poison Ivy

            Or the fried clams/

          • richelieu jr

            Why should she have to watch Miscavige?

            • Robert Eckert

              ba-dump TISH!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              G’night folks! He’ll be here all week. Try the roast beef.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          It is amazing how many simple, natural joys as well as tribulations of life that as an Ex you experience such appreciation about, isn’t it? No matter how bad a situation you ever run across later on, you know you survived scientology so you know you can survive anything. Hey, that’s knowing how to live! Glad you made it out.

          • I had a friend recently complaining about how horrible her boss was because the boss asked her to work late a few nights that week to finish a big project. Just a few nights in one week, mind you.

            I did my best to have compassion for her upset, but I ended up saying “When your boss tries to coerce you into aborting your first child so that you can continue to work 12-18 hour days, 7 days a week, practically for free, and then treats you like the scum of the earth when you refuse, then you come talk to me about horrible bosses.”

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I bet that adjusted her perspective somewhat!

            • She knows quite a bit about my history in the cult. It really did put it in perspective for her though. It’s all relative. I can think of many circumstances way worse than my cult experience.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              There is No comeback for that one, Natalie. I used to annoy my grandfather who annoyed me when he sucked every tiny bit off gristle of a chicken bone, or tried to get me to do chores when visiting on summer vacation (gramma interceded), or insisted on not wasting pennies on toys and tried to make them himself. He survived the Depression. I sure understand now!

            • Truthiwant

              Oh my God!
              When people complain, I always think about those people that REALLY suffered and it makes you shut your mouth about some stupid petty story.
              You reminded me of a story of a friend of mine that told me that his Father had continual nightmares, for ever, after his experiences of being captured by the British Army in North Africa in 1943.
              He was an Italian soldier and had been captured in Egypt by the British. It was not the British that treated him badly as much as the whole experience of being a prisoner of war, never really knowing what was going to happen to him, being transported from one country to another, in Africa.
              Eventually he ended up in Wales, in Great Britain and finished the war as a POW there, and fortunately, I might add, with some good experiences.
              He’s still alive at aged 94 but still has problems with that terrible past.
              Sorry to rant on about off topic subjects. It’s just that I get pissed off with people like your friend, that have such “big” problems, or so they say.

            • richelieu jr

              Yeah I’ve got a German friend like that. He said to me once “When we were defending the Normandy shores, at one moment all the shooting stopped on the allied side. We couldn’t understand why.. Then we saw a Red Cross ambulance arriving and realized the Americans wouldn’t shoot at it. Some friends said we should get behind it and shoot, and I said, No way, let’s surrender tot hem before we end up surrendering to the Russians!” (i am paraphrasing all of this)

              He had a hard time as a POW, too (though it only lasted a couple of years tops). He says the worst thing was the not knowing, because they treated their POWs so poorly and always lied to them a about what was going to happen.. They kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but they were treated pretty well.

            • Truthiwant

              Good story, my friend.

            • That she did not have the worst boss possible does not mean she didn’t have a horrible boss. And friends just need someone to vent to.

              You didn’t have a boss by any rational meaning of the term in our current society. You almost literally had a slavedriver.

            • Poison Ivy

              Maybe that’s one reason I come here – my life is a mess right now in a certain area but the minute I read one ex’s story, I stop feeling sorry for myself instantly. At least I’m dealing with slightly less insane wogs.

            • Hierophant2

              Using your own horrible experiences to deny compassion to another human being? Scientology sure did a number on you. You don’t even see why that’s wrong!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yeah, she should be more compassionate.

              Like you are!

            • Hierophant2

              Thank you.

            • grundoon

              Scientology: Making Bad Bosses Look Good Since 1952.

        • Conditioner

          Hell, yeah! And try this on for size – I no longer have to tear myself apart, looking for all the horrible overts I committed on this flaming asshole for wanting to kick him in the nuts for the way he’s treating me and others. IN FACT, now when I read some bullshit by Hubbard and I think “what a prick” I no longer curl up in a ball of self hatred and wonder if this will come up in my next sec check. How’s that for total freedom, mother fuckers?!

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        NO CONDITIONER NO!

        When a card-carrying IAS member speaks, he or she speaks from a place of Power and Theta and expanded beingness.

        It’s like POW!

        Fleet Admiral David Miscavige is leading the Church into a super-unprecedented era of Terra Incognito called GAT II and all of the early and incredible OT success stories agree: Redo your Basics, pass Flag sec checks to an F/N on video, and handle any unflatnessess on the Purif.

        How could things be any more clear than that?

        http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/FADM9_zps9468b104.png

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          (Pssst. You forgot the “give us all your money” part.)

        • ze moo

          Great shoop!!!

        • richelieu jr

          Anyone recognize any of those medals, I see the ‘All Oiliness Unctuous-athon Champ’ and the “Balls-out Madoff Burn ’em All Land-Grab” as well as the one he apparently got playing for the Harlem GLobetrotters…

        • grundoon

          The photographer caught COB in a casual moment.

        • grundoon

          GAT II has no precedent other than GAT I, making it super-unprecedented!

          GAT III will be super-duper-with-cherries-on-top-unprecedented!!

          POW!

    • Racnad

      When some starts talking about their “certainty as a thetan at cause over MEST” then you know they have nothing of real substance to say.

      • I’ve had to add to my list of words and phrases that chap my ass:

        Moist
        Vehicle
        Coin
        Total Certainty
        Absolute Cause
        Big Being
        Fundraising
        Fundraiser
        Total Freedom
        Greatest Good
        This Planet, On Earth
        This Lifetime

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Awesome!
          With total certainty!

          • One of my personal favorites had variation. Each of which I never tired of hearing (said dripping with sarcasm):

            Your behavior is unbecoming of an OT
            Your behavior is unbecoming of a Sea Org Member
            Your behavior is unbecoming of a Scientologist

            • Semper Phi

              I always thought it was hilarious that the worst thing a Scientologist could say to another about their behavior was “THAT IS NOT OK!!!!” I kept thinking how that would sound to an outsider. So much of the kindergarten sandbox vibe…

            • I meant my reply above to go under your comment Semper Phi. Apparently I’m so restimulated by all the cult terms that I’ve begun to make mistakes. 😉

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              Uh Oh! Not even going to ask about “moist” and “vehicle” on your list. Is there a new rundown these days for such things?

            • No, those are just my non-cult related ass chapping words. Despite all the auditing I did, they failed to bring me to a place of peace and acceptance with words like “moist” and “vehicle”.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              Thanks for ‘splainin’. I thought maybe these were new promo words for Super Power.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              That is a moist vehicle all right!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              code for Oiliness Table? gawd, I wish DM would really open that thing up and we can see the contraptions at work. We’d have to set someone inside with video cam. I would so pay to see that vid.

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              Tony getting those blue prints was such a coup! It would be a hoot if they are used as evidence in the Garcia trial.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I think they should offer rides!

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              If there are rides BTN, they will have to have overpriced CalMag Shakes, have “It’s a Small World After All” running on endless loop, and not allow pregnant women to partake–oh wait, they do that already!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              You first! I’ll man the video cam.

            • FistOfXenu

              See the Regging Officer. He sells tickets to promo videos now.

            • richelieu jr

              If your ass is chapped, you may want to try some of this moist, oily ointment I have here!

              I can tell you with Total Certainty it does the Greatest Good for your Out Point. It’s like

              “Psst! ¨Shaw! Ping! Ahhhhhhhh!”

            • Poison Ivy

              Are “Moist” and “Oily” related?

            • FistOfXenu

              They can be PI, if that’s what you really want.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              I’ve never come across a recipe for “dry oil” yet. Dry sherry, yes.

            • PreferToBeAnon2

              “So much of the kindergarten sandbox vibe…”

              …as evidenced by enthusiasm being reduced to sounds like to Zooommm, Whooooosh, with associated airplane take-off motions. Those adults have regressed to a toddler mentality–and when miffed, a stubborn 13-year-old acting out. Quite sad really.

            • Captain Howdy

              That’s scientology..Infantile Regression Therapy.

            • Michael Leonard Tilse

              Infantile Asshattedness Syndrome (IAS)

            • Captain Howdy

              Hah!

            • villagedianne

              I think they are trying to imitate Tom Cruise in the infamous “Freedom Medal of Valor” (or whatever) video.

            • That isn’t far from the truth. After Tom Cruises famous “Medal of Valor” event, Sea Org members were forced to watch it multiple times. It was stressed how TC was so dedicated an “on-source”. He is positioned within the cult as the guy to be like, because he is such a dedicated Scientologist.

              When I watching that event as a parishioner, I couldn’t believe that David Miscavige was calling TC the most “dedicated Scientologist he knew”. What about the Sea Org and staff members who worked countless hours for no money? The staff who have no time with their families, no vacations, because they are dedicated to saving the planet?

              Somehow a movie star who went on to cause more embarrassment to Scientology than good, was more dedicated than them? It was a total slap in the face to Sea Org members and staff members.

            • villagedianne

              Tom Cruise was one of the worst things to happen to Scientology. I mean, you know, like pfffft!

            • Missionary Kid

              Did sea org members go along with DM on the part of TC being more dedicated than them, or did they just accept it?

            • I’ve only spoken to Sea Org members about it after they left. They didn’t dare voice their real feelings while in the Sea Org. I have yet to meet one who truly believed that Tom Cruise was the most dedicated Scientologist. Especially considering he disappeared from the scene for years.

            • Missionary Kid

              I reread what I wrote, and I wasn’t too clear. I was wondering if it brought out feelings of resentment or was another reason that caused them to leave the sea org or blow.

            • Several I’ve spoken to said it helped to open their eyes as far as how off the rails DM was going, but it wasn’t THE reason they left. Definitely a contributor I’d say.

            • Missionary Kid

              Thanks. I believe that the more events like that which occur, the quicker Co$ collapses.

              If Lisa goes public with her defection, it will be huge, in spite of Co$ planting stories that she’s only involved in a minor dispute.

            • richelieu jr

              It is all about the Benjamins, sweetheart. Always is, always was… What is frustrating is when they convince you it’s something else for a moment and the wake you up with a sack to the face like that.

            • grundoon

              Slapping Sea Ogres in the face, and making them stand at muster while their O/W’s are read aloud to the group, are two of David Miscavige’s most cherished entertainments.

            • Lady Squash

              My reaction to the Tom Cruise video was a little different. I thought the video was so extreme that if it ever hit the Internet TC would look foolish. I actually felt sorry for him because I felt like he was being used. I thought it was so stupid of DM put him in that position. Now that I’m out, I love it.

            • FistOfXenu

              They had to invent their own sounds. If Big Bean TC makes pfffff sounds to explain how great The Dreck is making noises must be the right way to explain the awesomeness of it but they can’t just imitate that because that would make them look like DM’s ass kissing slaves. So they came up with all that other stuff instead.

              Bet if DM or TC decided to use some really stupid thing like wiggling their ears or making popping noises with their finger in their mouths when they talk about Ron, other $cienos would start thinking they needed to invent some kind of gesture like that but not the same when ever they mention Ron.

            • richelieu jr

              Makes you start to wonder if Jackie Gleason was $cilon–”

              Bang, Zoom, Alice! Right to the moon!”

              Hell, he may have been the inspiration!

            • Truthiwant

              It’s incredible how the power of words within the Organization can have an effect on an individual.
              “You are an F__ing this and you are a F__ing that” would not minimally affect somebody in the Sea Org, but a
              “That is not OK” would terrorize them.

            • Omg now you are breaking out the heavy guns and restimulating my issues with “That is NOT ok!” I would like to follow that gem up with the following signatures on emails, letters, and even Knowledge Reports:

              Much Love or ML
              ARC
              This is True

              I always thought it was odd when I would get a written order or communication that ripped me a new asshole and the author of it signed it “Much Love”.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              “I always thought it was odd when I would get a written order or communication that ripped me a new asshole and the author of it signed it “Much Love”.

              Oh THAT!
              Me too. I find that so freaking weird!!!

              But it always cracks me up when I read it.

            • Semper Phi

              Or the idiots who wrote letters to bookbuyers with no experience or apparent interest in Scn and signed them “Much love.” The recipients must have thought they were crazy.

            • FistOfXenu

              Wow, thanks Natalie, now my knowingness is EXPANDING!

              Now not joking, every kind of group where people are controlled by other people does that to you. Special words and phrases that don’t lose all their power for a long time. Even happens sometimes in groups that most people wouldn’t call cults. You’ll get over it with time.

            • georget1952

              Totally true. Like a spouse or friend who beats you and says they do it because they love you so much and only want the best for you and for you to do the right thing. And somehow they make it believable to the person being beaten. Thankfully, most wake up like I did and realize the truth of it before they die from all that “love”. In an instant I knew it was all a lie and I took my kid and left the asshole. But, it took years to get out of that mindset that it was all my fault and I did everything wrong. Same thing with cults, it takes time and talking to others in the same situation does wonders in helping each other through it. 🙂

            • Poison Ivy

              Love. Interesting. The one thing LRH never really addressed in all his mountains of scribblings.

            • grundoon

              The word love so upset L. Ron Hubbard that he removed it from the Scientology vocabulary, replacing it with affinity or with opaque alphabet soup like 2D, ARC, ML.

            • Conditioner

              Natalie – your thread is coming straight out of my own “have always wanted to say” fantasies. This last one though is classic. The #$%# “ML, much love, ARC” epithets at the end of an execution order rates as a classic. Talk about cognitive dissonance. I tried the word “regards” or “all the best” but it was hard. Do you remember the scene In Liar, Liar where Jim Carrey tries to write about the color of the ink in a pen?
              http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi578748441?ref_=tt_pv_vi_2
              That’s what I’d go through when writing a salutation.

              This has been the best thread since I began my depressurizing 4 years ago. And guess what…the wins and gains I’ve gotten from it are permanent!
              So, thank you Natalie. You’re a marvelous therapist. And cheap too.

            • Thank you ;). Sharing, blogging and embracing the absurdity of my past in Scientology has helped greatly in my integration back into the “real” world.

        • sugarplumfairy

          lol.. “chap my ass..” I’ll be stealing that..

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          The absolute cause of my moist coin this lifetime was the total freedom of my vehicle as I drove with total certainty right over the big being fundraising for the greatest good on this planet, on earth. Help me.

          • FistOfXenu

            Wow! Mass word clearing sentences.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Don’t bother. Just shake your head yes and tell them you get it and you are totally blown out by the cog….
              Say Yes…with meaning.
              Your needle may not float, but you might still get a pass from an overworked staffer….

          • Hilarious! Now go write up your overts and withholds 😉

            • Michael Leonard Tilse

              yes ma’am

    • Poison Ivy

      Great post, Natalie. So glad you’re out – and yes, the “pressure to hide our imperfections” is one of the most persistent sources of life’s problems.
      “It’s all “My universe, my spirituality, my power as a Thetan.”

      I’ve said it before – it’s the religion for narcissists.

    • Semper Phi

      Oh, Natalie, these videos make me cringe, too. These videos are exactly the same, even down to the music, as the ones they have been putting out for years. They are saying the very same things about how “blown out” they are. One of the women in this video was a good friend when we were training at Flag, and I know exactly what she went through there. She was training to be a Senior C/S and got bogged on the St Hill Special Briefing Course. She was so beaten down, lost tons of weight, was demeaned. Being a bogged student at Flag is no fun. Yet here she is on the

      • Being a trainee at Flag is no walk in the park. Within months they brainwashed my daughter into accepting that beans and rice, and staying up late to clean as punishment for not making sales quotas, was perfectly acceptable.

        The outer org trainees are used and abused, just as the Sea Org members are. All at the “Friendliest place on earth”, as they refer to Flag as being. If Flag is the “Friendliest place on Earth”, then North Korea must be like Disneyland.

        • Semper Phi

          Exactly right. It’s a hostile, suppressive environment, and I don’t how understand any of the people who go through it stay in Scientology after they come home, especially the ones who struggled and therefore were especially abused. And yet, only 3 of my Flag friends (including your daughter, BTW) are out to my certain knowledge. I have noticed that several of them seem to have left staff, and one of our supervisors left the SO, but they all seem to still be Scilons.

          • My daughter knows a a few who are totally out, plus several more who remain under the radar because of their parents involvement. Many have left staff, but remain broken members of the cult. Tech terminals in these “Ideal Orgs” are dropping faster than panties at a frat party.

            • Semper Phi

              I’m not really in touch with many OOTs and have only their FB pages to go by, so I’m not surprised that there are a bunch under the radar. So hard to hear that some of them are “broken.” Reaffirms my feeling that I am definitely one of the lucky ones, to have gotten out with my family intact. I’ll have to PM your daughter on FB and get names, because I’m curious and would like to help any I can.

      • Zana

        Thank you for the insight. Watching these videos is such a reality warp. And the music is so distracting… like fingernails down a blackboard. Perhaps that is the first tip-off that the whole thing is truly sinister. Scary.

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Natalie, unfortunately you left the Church just before we exploded into a Theta Juggernaut!

      All of the great stuff happened after you left. This can only mean you were the hidden SP preventing the Church of Scientology’s straight up and vertical expansion into highest ever international and stratospheric screaming Power on all dynamics and flows.

      Donate $150,000, do A-E, confess all your crimes, and you can return to your place among the gods.

      The door is always open a crack.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Grrr8! to see you! Long week stamping out grass fires– or shattering enturbulation, as the case may be?

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          We in RTC were busy handling the final details on Fleet Admiral Miscavige’s splendiforous new uniform:

          http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/FADM9_zps9468b104.png

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            It’s always such a balancing act– making sure the outfit is suitably splendiferous, while ensuring it doesn’t overwhelm the, er, more limited splendiferousness of the COB.

            How many haberdashers and the like are presently residing in The Hole?

            • Remy

              The only outfit that wouldn’t overwhelm the “splendiferousness” of Dave would be a greasy boilersuit with a stitched-on name tag saying “Hello, my name is Dave!”

      • Omg sign me up!

    • Natalie….As someone who is very curious about cults and the recruitment process I have found your comments very informative. Scientology is more interesting to me as I always assumed it attracts the wealthy and intelligent. Yet am learning that many middle class become involved too.
      Two questions …if you would be so kind to offer insight to this curious man..
      At some early point as you were getting involved, did you have a questioning phase ..like what am I doing and why?

      Second…Are there poor people in Scientology?

      • Jack I grew up in Scientology so was indoctrinated to not question the beliefs or practices of the cult. There were many times as an adult that I wondered to myself why seemingly bad behavior, including the emotional abuse of others was tolerated, when it appeared so contrary to the teachings of LRH. It wasn’t till I left that I learned that those who abused did so as LRH did too.

        If I ever did question aloud or to others, I was reported as being “disaffected”, and seen as being in need of security checks and a good dose of thought modification. That happened a lot in the year leading up to my departure 😉

  • Observer

    Video: It’s a Michael Roberts double-whammy with him in the video and the flyer! Best description of Scientology ever: “ARC is the tone scale and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da …” I also like how the one woman “became a psychologist” (or psychiatrist, I can’t bear to go through it again to clarify)–GATII has turned her into the enemy! And will Scientology’s video graphic design sensibilities escape from 1990?

    Michael Roberts Flyer: Two brand-new blows against psychiatry! It’ll fold any day now! According to TWTH’s Facebook page this isn’t the first time Aknu have performed for the Scilons. I wonder if they’re Scientologists or if they just need the paycheck. Aknu in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi5iCEu9nXA

    Jamie the Clear Factory: I wonder if the people in the staff propaganda have any input into the text that accompanies their photos. Run, Jamie, run!

    Valley Ideal Org Flyer and Video: They’re obviously jelly that Los Gatos is “ushing public through the Routes of Knowledge” and want to start “ushing” public themselves. Due to the overweening arrogance Scn instills in its adherents I can’t tell whether the “before whom even gods bow in awe” is hyperbole or if they’re serious.

    • Observer

      As for the success of the Valley Ideal org, I’m still standing by my original prediction.

      • Bella Legosi

        They will drag it out for another few more years. Gotta make sure the herd is freshly fleeced and bled! That is what they did with the Portland mOrg. Fundraised $23mil for that???? PAH LEASE!

        • Observer

          All that theta doesn’t come cheap!

    • EnthralledObserver

      I am a wet blanket today… I went looking for the woman who claimed she ‘became a psychologist’, but only found one who ‘became a Scientologist’… but hey, you got the ologist part right! WIN!

      • Observer

        I’ll blame it on my lack of morning coffee when I listened to it… yeah, that’s the ticket!

    • sugarplumfairy

      Thanks for the aknu vid.. They’re really talented.. I hope they don’t get tangled up with co$ and have the life sucked out of them..

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Yep.
        And they had to call the cops…

        • sugarplumfairy

          That’s just amazing to me.. They think they can do whatever they want..

          • Captain Howdy

            You can do whatever you want as long as you don’t get caught. That’s how we play the game of ‘Life”.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Well, these are the same folks who will ask you to sign away the rights you have under the constitution………so………

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        wow…when was this?

        • sugarplumfairy

          Not sure.. when he pops in, we can ask him.. I think he said it was at the CC but not sure, and I got the feeling it was a few years ago..

  • Tony Williams

    At 1:30 she is attesting OT VIII, but the crawl reads OT XIIII. Apparently Scientologists can’t proof, any more than they can prove, anything!

    • EnthralledObserver

      Actually, it is OTVIII, but with an exclamation point straight after i.e – “OTVIII!”. I was looking for those inevitable mistakes they always make too… but in this case they didn’t. I hate to be the one to burst the bubble…

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        No, it’s OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        Being AT CAUSE OVER THE MEST UNIVERSE is where the real action is! And that only happens on OT VIII!

        Why just today a few of us were driving back to Int Base after handling Suppression in our area.

        Ken Delusion was driving the van because he was the only one in our group who has a driver’s license and has completed car school at the Base.

        We were hitting red lights and Ken said, “I’m OT and I am postulating green lights!”

        POW!

        The lights were all green for the rest of the trip — and we got back in time to finish off the leftover red Jell-O from the night before!

        WINNING!

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          That story is so inspiring that I am going to join the Presbyterians.

          • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

            Why join a dead-in-the-head old wog R6 implant religion when you can join the Church of Scientology and become spiritually on fire?

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Literally? That’s so… Catholic Inquisition. Tempting, at that.

    • George Layton

      2+2=5 and XIIII=8

  • Is it just me, or is there a subtle but important difference in the eyes of the interviewees when you compare this video with similar ones made a few years ago? In earlier video’s you could see their eyes light up when they were recalling their ‘wins’. You could see them really believing in it all. This video feels different to me. Many people appear, I don’t know, defeated to me….their eyes remain dull when recounting their wins. Almost like they realise they need to do this before they are allowed to catch their flight back home and escape the insanity at Flag.

    • Missionary Kid

      We all view videos through our own emotional filters, and I try not to use them, so I couldn’t say. They all look like Kool Aid drinkers to me.

  • 1subgenius

    Wowie zowie baby. (Frank Zappa)

    • Missionary Kid

      Did Frank ever say anything about $cientology?

      • sugarplumfairy

        Yah.. Joe’s Garage..

        • Missionary Kid

          Thanks!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Applianceology!

      • Captain Howdy

        “How about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How’s that for a religion?”
        — Frank Zappa, to a concert audience at the Rockpile, Toronto, May 1969

        • Missionary Kid

          Frank always had a great bullshit detector, and he spoke out about it.

      • Ms. B. Haven

        My vote is for Cosmik Debris…

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm9RqatOby0

  • Bella Legosi

    AHHHHH! How can they have “knowledge” when all they have learned came from ONE man????

    “Now when I go thru life I am like…….12, 15, 42, 55!” lol I hate to laugh, cuz these people seem so enthusiastic, but goddamn!

    Screw the burlwood pens! I want a theaten hat! Would love to see the demo on that one!

    Golden Age of Knowledge????? Really, okay, give everyone in your cult the option to peruse the internet and many of it’s websites! My god the arrogance! Jeebus Crisco Marc?! How in the fuck did you hang in there so long and working on drivel like this video??????

    • MissCandle

      “My god the arrogance!” {That’s the problem: The gods bow down before them.}

      • Roger Larsson

        If Ron Hubbard,
        the director, had told scientologists, the actors, to smile because he had a
        greed for money and power they had left his show with a laugh.

  • BosonStark

    Because the name “Scientologist” has come to mean “delusional, self-absorbed loon,” a new name could replace that and make salvage of this sector of the galaxy a reality, now!

    That name is Juggernaut, and the science shall be called Juggernautty — may the Jugger be with you! I’m a Juggernaut, he’s a Juggernaut, she’s a Juggernaut, we’re a Juggernaut, wouldn’t you like to be a Juggernaut, too?” No more L. Ron Hubbard bullshit! Forget about boosting your theta and all that crap!

    Pick up a Jugger t-shirt and a Jugger hat (lined with tinfoil and includes solar propeller) at your local JORG today. Tell the world that you are a Juggernaut and you have The Jugger in you and that you are here to save the planet.

    Not only will you continuously have wins, your wins will have wins, and those wins have will have more wins throughout and throughin eternity.

    • Mark

      So they’re all a bunch of ignorant juggering juggers who’ve been well and truly juggered to juggery, eh? Well, jugger me!

      • BosonStark

        Jug you!

        • Mark

          Why? Because Juggernautty has made my jugs so huge?

          • sugarplumfairy

            Oooohhh.. Sign me up!

            • Mark

              (George Sanders voice): Just sign this trillion-year contract, my dear, and be so good as to disrobe behind that screen; I shall attend to you presently…

            • sugarplumfairy

              I’ll get back to you, young man, as soon as I warm up my smacking arm..

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I bet that sucker is already overdeveloped!

            • sugarplumfairy

              It has it’s own violin case..

            • Captain Howdy

              I love George Sanders! He blew his brains out and his suicide note simply said “I’m bored”

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Sanders actually left three notes in his hotel room, which read (all together):

              Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

            • Captain Howdy

              Cool..but I still like my dad’s version of the story better.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Father knows best, I will agree.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Upvote for the George Sanders reference. There was a man before whom gods would kneel!

    • George Layton

      Juggernaut? oh sheesh I thought she said juggernut.

    • Captain Howdy

      We love Juggs.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Pervert!

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          He might have meant juggs of moonshine.

          • Captain Howdy

            Yeah! …..[sticks out tongue at creepy girl]

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Creepy girl would stick out her tongue back at you but she is afraid it would only encourage you!

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              Is creepy girl already on to mimosas? You’ve got an “outpoint” or two in your reply.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              No, creepy girl is on coffee.

              But should be on mimosa’s as they improve her literacy exponentially!

              Edit: I really like this “creepy girl” moniker!

            • Captain Howdy

              Really? Originally I was going to go with “icky girl”.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              No, I much more ‘creepy” than “icky”.
              So its a keeper!

              I may have to make her my evil twin AV!

    • MissCandle

      And when they have their usual typos, they will be Jugger-Nuts.

      • FistOfXenu

        Ron had a problem with that didn’t he?

    • sugarplumfairy

      And for the big beans, there’s Jugger-NOTs.. I hear they’re working on Jugger-SoloNOTs, but haven’t settled on a price yet..

    • grundoon

      Insane Clown Posse would like to have a word with you.

  • Mark

    I know these people are talking out of their arses, because there’s all that stuff about “blowdowns” and “at bottom” – not even verbal diarrhoea, just verbal flatulence: “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”.

  • Bella Legosi

    Why is Little Boots going on a property grab?

    I kinda think he is seriously taking notes from the Moonies. This is a good point, because the Moonies also have extensive assets that keep the CULT functioning. It seems to be the norm for cults to become all the rage and then at some point, whatever attracted the masses to the cult dies off or is PRed out of existence. If $cientology ONLY relied on their “flock” for cash, they would be in serious trouble right now. Having some holdings such as real estate (you can prolly write off/hide a TON of money to renovation/construction) gives you not only a continuous money supply, but also the “build it and they will come” factor, not to mention prestige (you know Little Boots is taking notes from Catholics as well).

    That’s my 2 cents! I am not too knowledgeable with tax law, especially tax law that concerns 501 exempted entity, so if I am going on the wrong track here please feel free to correct me!

    • EnthralledObserver

      Oh, so the CO$’s defence in the Garcia case is going to be based on where they reported to the IRS that they DID spend the money, and where it was spent – renovations/buildings – and now the cult is working hard to make sure the paper trail actually covers their lies and Dickenfurher is making all appearances to finally open the damn Soopah Powahs building and services?
      I’m probably more clueless than you, but at least I have my imagination until someone knowlegable comes to spell it out for us properly.

      • Observer

        Knowing Scientology the truth will probably be more bizarre than anything you come up with.

        • EnthralledObserver

          Yes, they have quite the reputation, don’t they? And my mind doesn’t bend like any of theirs… I can assure you.

      • Bella Legosi

        It all depends on WHAT (god I wish the italic function worked for me lol I don’t mean to yell when I cap, it really is meant in an italic way) Co$ is obligated to report to the IRS, if anything. I doubt they can’t get away without filing any paper work, but like I said this is something I am not too knowledgeable on. Now, it could get very interesting with the Garcia case, especially if the government finds enough grounds to order Co$ to turn over financial documents to prove they are “innocent” of the fraud that is Supah Power!

        • Bella, what you do is put an i between two brackets like this to where you want italics to start, and at the end, you put the i after a slash mark / after the i in brackets where you want them to end,

          Like this, see how easy it can be?

          • Bella Legosi

            Thank you! like this ?

            I was using ctrl + i but it didn’t always work!

            • You got it! Perhaps your keyboard is infested with thetans?

              Srsly, glad to be of help in a little HTML coding.

            • Robert Eckert

              “Bear with me!” Grizzly, brown, black, or polar?

          • sugarplumfairy

            Cool.. Thanks!

          • MissCandle

            Thank you for splaining that technique.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            So Disqus allows HTML? That’s hilarious, considering all its other limitations…

            • Yep, but sometimes you have to edit something in a blockquote after posting it, WYSIWYG definitely doesn’t apply to Disqus.

          • q-bird

            Oh! like

            edit: oh crap –

            2nd edit — nope – i don’t get it – will just continue on Caps for italics

            last edit – Oh to BE so technologically challenged…….. pfffft.

            • Here’s a good primer on basic HTML.

              Last time: To start the italics, put i between what is in the round brackets:(), where you want them to start. To end, put /i between what’s in the round brackets () where you want them to end.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Is it ITALICS you are seeking?

        • EnthralledObserver

          What Get Chutney Love said is good, or I just use ‘these’ if I am unwilling to YELL… 😀

    • 1subgenius

      The moonies started actual money making business. Fishing, for example.
      DM invested in buildings full of blue sky.

      • Bella Legosi

        Good point. But with people like the Feschbecks running hedge funds? I can only assume Co$ has the money and influence to set up businesses where their true ownership is skewed/distorted; kinda like what they tried with NarCONon, but way more shady. I bet there is soooo much more to Co$ that we dont know about and I think their for real holdings are one of them. Moonies did it and so does the *non-existent* Mafia, only the Mafia uses a lot of those businesses to launder monies, which is something Co$ has been doing for a long time.

      • JessicaSideways

        This is why the Moonies will continue into the 22nd century and Scientology would be lucky if it made it into the history eBooks. 🙂

      • Captain Howdy

        Moon was way craftier than LRH.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      501c rules.. sitting on huge piles of cash via IAS?

    • Robert Eckert

      This is where we need JohnP giving us the reality about the tax and other financial consequences of converting all this money into real estate.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        He already has done this a few times. There’s a basic problem with these new buildings. Many are “historic” meaning any changes or renovations have more routes to get it done and more expensive. Since the ideal orgs are changed to fit sci needs, like auditing rooms, sauna rooms, course rooms, etc, it is Not attractive to potential buyers. Also, many of them are located in low traffic areas or bad neighborhoods/industrial. So resale value is in the pits. And it is the public individuals who are raising the money, and the renovations and the furnishings. DM’s expenditure would be the hire of architects, buyers, etc.

        • Missionary Kid

          Good points.

          Big blue is a liability, but the land it’s on is worth something. The celebrity center may have some more value.

          I would say that almost all of the orgs will be sold at far below the amount of money put into them. The only thing that will help the value is that if the land becomes more valuable.

    • grundoon

      A lot of money flows through these Ideal Org projects, and David Miscavige may have figured out a way to divert some of the flow to his own private accounts. For example, the Int Landlord office could require the architects to hire outside consulting firms – owned privately by Mr. Miscavige – to select the most “theta” materials and furnishings. Dave and Shelly could have an interest in some of the companies supplying construction materials. Funds for construction could be held in a trust account that makes investments in private business ventures controlled by the Miscaviges.

      • Bella Legosi

        Thank you! This is exactly what I was trying to get at or point out! I am mostly self taught with matters of law, but when it comes to tax or business practices and law, I am very ignorant still!

  • sugarplumfairy

    “before whom even the gods bow..”. Seriously.. Haven’t they seen Clash of the Titans? Isn’t this where the huge marble head of Thetis crashes down and crushes everybody?

    • Captain Howdy

      Yes…”RELEASE THE KRAKEN!”

      • sugarplumfairy

        .

        Ok.. I thought better of that.. Never mind..

        • richelieu jr

          C’mon.. No kraken ‘krack ‘jokes around here?

      • Phil McKraken

        I’ll be right there… just have to blow dry my hair.

  • Bella Legosi

    The picture of the empty “church” is a riot! I love it! Kinda surprised they didn’t “enhance” the photo and add 1000 people! 😉

    • Observer

      I was just looking at that pic. Unless that building is the size of Westminster Abbey they’ve allowed about three inches of leg room.

      • sugarplumfairy

        That org must be for the aliens, when they get here..

      • MissCandle

        It was designed using Shortie’s proportions.

        • Captain Howdy

          It’s a Play Church.

      • JessicaSideways

        Shit. That’s worse than Delta…

      • richelieu jr

        Here is the Church
        Here is the steeple
        Open it up
        and see all the people banging their knees up…

    • Mark

      They were looking on it with the eye of faith – chocker with exteriorised thetans!

  • sugarplumfairy

    “Find out if you qualify..” = fax me your financials..

  • Bella Legosi

    John P. where ever you may be……….you are sorely missed here!

    Some of us are pondering if you are: Edward Snowden, assisting Snowden in his asylum, economically assassinating the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt……..However I was reminded last night that the author of “Confessions of an Economic Hitman” was written by John Perkins (fantastic book by the way even if you had nothing to do with it)! Thought I would put that piece of info out there!

    So, yeah…….you are so damn neat we not only miss you, but have come up with conspiracy theories to explain your sudden disappearance from the Bunker! Feel loved should you see this; where ever you may be!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      LOL, He has been accused of being John Perkins before!

      • Bella Legosi

        I knew it! I had a feeling someone would have caught that!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          They were confronted and shattered though!
          The “P” is not for Perkins.

          • Bella Legosi

            I kinda thought so! But it was a nice “cognition” when I had it tho!

      • sugarplumfairy

        Lol.. It all fits..

        • Bella Legosi

          Stranger things have happened! Kinda what I love about the internet! You can never be too sure you are not in the presence of a great man/woman!

          Just hope he is okay. Hope Global Capitalism HQ hasn’t driven him out some window (with or without help), if he is mired in any of the mess that is the Middle East, or if he is on a seriously fun bender with a supermodel!

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            he takes breaks now and then. sometimes due to intense projects, sometimes due to his model girlfriends needing new shoes. welk, thats what he Tells us.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Maybe he was really Jody Arias? I hear they cut off her Internet access..

      • Bella Legosi

        Are you trying to blow my mind 50ft outta itself? lol You almost succeeded!

    • Spackle Motion

      He’s probably on holiday. He usually takes his gaggle of supermodels to the Hamptons or somewhere else around this time of the year.

    • grundoon

      He’s making a play to get onto the Forbes 400 list.

      • Bella Legosi

        😀 then we will know his real life name hehe then I will know what private plane to sneak on to! I am convinced I would be the best domestic help EVER…………ah I lead a rich fantasy life don’t I??? 😉

  • BuryTheNuts2

    OK, I had to stop the first vid at 2:12.

    My gaydar is sniffing out a shit load of tone 1.1 covert hostility in that video!!!

    Not that there is anything wrong with that!

    • Captain Howdy

      At 1:28..so that’s what happen to Tom DeLay?

      • Kim O’Brien

        i always got the gay vibe off of that guy …is he still living out of his Winnebago or has he ended up in jail yet

      • BuryTheNuts2

        haha

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      So it wasn’t just me who thought, “There’s another one recruited by the Tom Cruise connection…”

  • Bella Legosi

    Ok…….the little brother is taking the computer away for a little bit! See ya from my phone folks! Just an FYI, Bella can’t spell for shit! She actually misspelled LASER the other night! So, don’t be surprised if I start posting as if I were a grammar school reject! My generation learned spelling thru the “guess n check” method and then got SpellCheck years later, so we really didn’t need to learn that thing called semantics or focus on correct spelling! But, if you must confront and shatter my shitty spelling to make yourself feel better I can’t and wont stop you!
    >P

    • Captain Howdy

      What are you worrying about? “Fuck ’em If they can’t take a joke”

      • Bella Legosi

        Why thank you Captain. I wouldnt care much, but I hate trying to make a point and it gets distracted by horrid spelling. I am a much better thesaurus then dictionary!

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      It’s PHONICS, Bella. Not that I would be so officious as to point that out…

      • Bella Legosi

        🙂
        Yep, Portland public schools suck! Thank you for the correction, much appreciated!

        • Captain Howdy

          Screw proper grammar and punctuation. Just as-is it with an AK-47. “poof!”

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          I went to grade schools in the Portland area, where they still had tough old teachers who didn’t have any truck with that “whole word” nonsense. We “sounded out” our Dick and Jane readers. Out-tech, I suppose, but (ready for it): It worked.

          As I have mentioned in a couple of fleeting, recent appearances, life does get in the way of the internet from time to time. But the Bunker… lives on!

      • Bella Legosi

        Been missing ya words lately! And where is Alonzo?
        🙁
        I miss my SP/PTS mentors. They are like my Mr.Keating! (Dead Poets Society ref)

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          I’ve seen Alonzo over at the MRs and have wondered myself why he doesn’t post here anymore. He had some great comments.

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    The LA lyer, I mean flyer, confirms that the veteran sci’ s are lying their asses off to their own kids and grandkids. Could not believe DM would dare to pull out the Universe Corp carrot again. the deal was do X and a team of auditors will come to bring staff up to OT levels. Staff killed themselves for it and it never happened, except a handful of staff got some auditing, not even OT. This is part of his new BS campaign for opening Super Power (to fool garcia lawyers, hah), but long, longer list of first got to do this. It even includes getting All orgs “Ideal” , new bigger real estate, to handle the stampede of new public when Supah opens (no date yet of course, its up to You!).

    Speaking of 2nd and 3rd gen families, the Valley list of names are pretty much same old names from the late 70’s and their unfortunate family tree. Houston Graham’s mom was Sea Otg staff from 70’s, died very young Needlessly from cancer. David Weissberg was once one of the La Sci Lost Boys. His mom was a reg, also in PAC, who died too young from cancer. I hope they wake up soon but they will have to break away from that crowd … it is full of the worst veteran fanatics of scientology. Except for the billionnaires, like a Duggan, I cant help thinking the money well (and your Inheritance kids, hello!) must be sucked dry for these families so its staff or field “volunteer” grunt work, like spying and harrassing (see Michael Duff on the list).

    oh, and holy fundraising, of course. To the many grandparents I see on that list I say, shame on you. most of them long ago were good hearted, compassionate people. now they have turned their own grandkids into uneducated, arrogant used souls salesmen with quotas instead of a heart. it’s never too late to undo the damage. not likely I know. but I hold out hope for the 3rd gens. Harder to instill Internet fear for them.

  • BosonStark

    People come up to me every day, even when I’m not wearing my Jugger t-shirt and Jugger propeller hat, and they ask me, what is Juggernautty?

    We know that it comes in a Jug, and that it is certainty. Can the science of Juggernautty replace Scientology, for example?

    Sure it can, it can replace EVERYTHING. Simply think of Juggernautty as certainty and the replacement for everything.

    The second question I get is, what does a Jug of Jugger certainty look like or how does it work? Is it a liquid, a foam, a gel, a solid, a gas? Do you drink it or just smell it? Can you rub it on your body or can it be put into a suppository capsule?

    Do you have to buy more than one Jug before you hit the streets and start telling everyone you see, “I am a Juggernaut, I have the Jugger in me, and I am an EXPLOSION that is here to save the entire planet”?

    Well, I will tell you that it is a sacred science, a secret, but it is a secret you will know if you buy a Jug of Jugger, and become a Juggernaut, today.

    • Mark

      Oh stop playing silly-juggers, BS – of *course* it’s a suppository, except when it’s the Sanskrit version of Juggernautty – Jaganathi 😉

    • Missionary Kid

      Your avatar should be Boson Snark. I love it.

    • richelieu jr

      I’ll have just a jigger of jugger, I gotta drive..

      Actually, isn’t there some nasty, German, cough-syrupy nastiness called Jugger? Got a deer on nit and people do shots? Has the nasty side effect of provoking people to tell the truth and start making confessions?

  • George Layton

    You only need to watch the first 8 seconds of the second video. Astounding, unbelievable, ridiculous

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Um yeah!
      Ridiculous…to um, use their word!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Fixed the flyer.
    You are welcome.

    • Observer

      Nice!

    • Truthiwant

      Atleast your fix made it more truthful. It’s not as if there were too many more people in the original photo!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Truthi,
        There are 44,735,638,996 exteriorized Thetans in that picture.
        They just don’t like to show off!

        Donate today!

        • Poison Ivy

          Because one thing we know about Thetans, they’re humble.

          • sugarplumfairy

            Lol..

    • Ruby

      That flyer is so funny…showing a room full of empty chairs!
      Also…on the flyer of the girl from LA, it lists her training level as “Org Series Completion”…there is no such specific course, that I am aware of, called the “Org Series Course”. It is a series of policies in one of the policy volumes. Most administrative training achievements are assigned a “Staff Status” #, or “Full Hat” title, which is then how one refers to their admin training status. So, basically she has read a few policies and is holding a major executive post.

      • PlainOld Thetan

        There is a Flag-only Org Series course, created especially by Miscabbage for people to be posted as Ideal Org Execs. Guess what you study. The Org Series.
        Many moons ago, it would have been unheard of to consider anyone “qualified” for an executive who hadn’t done the OEC/FEBC course.
        But Miscavige realized that if these “automatic executives” studied the OEC/FEBC, it would “take too long”. And, horror of horrors, those “automatic executive” candidates would realize how off-policy the Ideal Org program is.
        He couldn’t have the people he hand-picked as Ideal Org Executives realizing that what they were doing was off-policy and stupid!
        In fact, take a look at the “Dissem Sec” featured in today post.
        A Dissem Sec’s products aren’t “Clears” and “auditors”. A dissem sec’s products are number of crap e-mails sent out in bulk, and amount of deforestation accomplished in the name of mailing out brochures.
        If she’d done the OEC/FEBC, she’d know that!

        • Racnad

          Interesting POL. They way the stranger Christian groups teach their strange beliefs is to be very selective about which Bible passages are read. So the way Miscavige creates execs who view themselves on-policy when they are not is to be very selective on which LRH issues they are given to read.

          • Poison Ivy

            I guess this is one area where Marty and the indies are right about COB.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Exactly. This was the basis of the whole Bible translation flap long, long ago. The courageous pioneers who wanted to get the Bible into the hands of the people were declared heretics, hunted down, and executed. That way, the CHURCH could control the message.

            What finally did them in was the printing press. They couldn’t stem the flow of information, and eventually had to throw in the towel.

            {If only some analogous situation were true for Scientology…}

            • Racnad

              Good point. Before the invention of the printing press, books were handwritten/copied and therefore rare & very expensive. The printing press was as much as an information revolution as the Internet.

            • FistOfXenu

              The internet will do that if they get to see it. And that’s another reason why cult members have to use a special version of the internet that stops them from seeing the whole thing.

            • Missionary Kid

              The analogous situation for $cientology is the internet.

        • Ruby

          Thanks for clarifying that POT. I should have known that Miscaviage would make his own course…and ensure it did not contain the actual materials of this persons hat. I noticed as well her products advertised. At first I thought she held a tech post or something, and then saw she is the Dissem Sec!

        • q-bird

          thanks for this… I needed the translation.

        • richelieu jr

          Yes, much better to be ‘on-policy and stupid’…

        • grundoon

          Are OEC or FEBC still delivered anymore? I understand David Miscavige only uses the Green Vols to hurl at people who cite LRH policy when querying his orders.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        All of you ex-Scientologists should consider providing a translation for us poor wogs from time ti time. Although even without, it’s like following a ballet or a silent movie. A notion of what is going on, along with context, goes a long way.

      • q-bird

        OOooooo… “Org Series Course” … make head hurt

    • Poison Ivy

      Your lips >>> Xenu’s Ears, BTN2!

      • FistOfXenu

        I thought my lobes were tingling. I’m working on it.

  • stanrogers

    “Order of magnitude.” They keep using those words. I do not think they mean what they think they mean.

    • Bella Legosi

      Are you implying that they didnt word clear? Herecy! 😉

      • stanrogers

        Inconceivable!

    • Captain Howdy

      “order of magnitude” Let that be your mantra..”oom..oom..oom”

    • Remy

      Exactly. They are clueless. Must be part of the official scripting to use this phrase.

    • aquaclara

      This is what happens when they skip second grade math. Instead, they word-cleared “order” ( as in “to tell”) and “magnitude” which follows “magnificent” in the Scilon dictionary of perfect word use.

    • grundoon

      The Order of Magnitude is like the Freedom Medal but 10 times better. You can see it on Miscavige’s chest below the blue sash, in the photo OTVIIIisGr8 posted.

  • aquaclara

    It’s just a bunch of knowingness about nothingness in this first video. So many useless metaphors and adjectives… Wish they had noted the amount of money each person paid to get all this. It would turn this into the best ad for why you shouldn’t join a cult.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      And they should put the dollar amount in cartoon thought bubbles for each clam!
      That would be cute (and evil).

      • aquaclara

        And in the bubble, “I learned how to word-clear “juggernaut” and it only cost me $350,000, seven years and my two children. “

    • Captain Howdy

      Moar leik “nothingness about knowingness” amirite?

      • aquaclara

        Yep. In scilonogy, just as with the orders of magnitude, the orders of words are completely arbitrary and filled with muchness righteosity.

  • Peter McMahon

    Love the cheesy video and how Scientologists can’t seem to find enough amazing words to describe things so they start using sound effects and cliche phrases. They could learn something from Tarvuism:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-t7MV-Z6Pc

    • Kim O’Brien

      THAT is funny !!

    • Spackle Motion

      Don’t forget the Tarvuist prayer:

      Tarvu tarvooti,
      Oboonoo cTooti,
      Mimmin O’tibbi noonah,
      Mdfitty fitty noonah,
      Arvu immentiBarvu,
      Tarvu.

      (To be said when you wake up, go to bed, and after you have visited the toilet.)

  • Dean Fox

    So, getting exterior is basically having an orgasm. Wow I get it. (4′ 27” 1st video).

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      Just don’t go exterior by yourself. That’s a no-no.

    • Well, you’re not allowed to have an orgasm in so many other ways any more. The cult does its best to make itself the only source of ecstasy for its victims.

  • HelluvaHoax!

    This is the “tell” as they say in gambling and con games. The GRAPH for the mission show an apparent upsurge since July 2012. Fair enough. Now it may not even be true with the manipulation of stats and plain old lying that Scientologists do so easily, but let’s just ASSUME it is an “upstat”.

    Here is the problem. The date the stats started climbing was on the “re-dedication” of Los Gatos, which was bombing out the bottom before that. But before the “re-dedication opening” wasn’t it already supposed to be an “Ideal Org”? In other words, the Ideal Los Gatos failed and had to be re-Idealed. LOL. What a clever way to cheat the stats!

    When will Scientologists ever learn to spot the “tell”? It’s really not that hard to spot one in Scientology, because it happens just about every minute.

    • Racnad

      Don’t they realize that when they boast about how New and Improved they are, that is an admission of how broken it was before (even when LRH was alive & involved), all the while claiming to be 100 percent on-policy standard tech?

      • Poison Ivy

        Oh that.

    • Poison Ivy

      They may indeed be spotting the “tell,” but since they are expressly forbidden to note it, on threat of all sorts of horrible things (that many on this blog have experienced). Safer to just sing “la la la I can’t hear you” and shout about havingness a little more loudly.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      They don’t even lie outright anymore. Look what they actually Say in what that “stat” represents:

      (the orgs) “have created a field wide movement”

      “pushing public through routes”

      “# of people …..through routes”

      Not sure if this was an ad for Ex Lax, Colonoscopies or ….

      http://i42.tinypic.com/hrbjwo.jpg

    • Robert Eckert

      The same graph-line, without any labels, was used in a Sunday Funnies flyer a while back, my memory seems to be telling me.

    • richelieu jr

      The only sure way to spot the ‘tell’ that $cilons are lying is the moving lips, or possibly moving fingers on a keyboard.

      Breathing sees also to a dead give-away…

  • Dean Fox

    Oh wait, cognition means orgasm too. 5:12 1st video.

  • Dean Fox

    Hm, seems wins means orgasm too. 6:14 1st video.

  • Dean Fox

    “Did you catch this line? “These beings, warriors all, are our Valley heroes — before whom even the gods bow in awe.”

    That’s right, fork over a few hundred thousand dollars to Scientology so a building in the Valley can be renovated, and gods will bow before you in awe! Hot damn! Where do we sign up?”

    Pretty good value for money when you consider that you can donate all your life to a christian church and their god will never bow in awe.

    • Captain Howdy

      Maybe they meant comic book gods?

      • FistOfXenu

        If they’re scifi comic books they’re true anyway.

    • JessicaSideways

      And yet, Scientology is compatible with every other religion

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Especially the Zoroastrians…

        • PreferToBeAnon2

          The estimates of the number of Zoroastrians worldwide varies from between 145,000 to 2.6 million. That’s got the Scions beat!

    • Spackle Motion

      The misuse of the word “warrior” by Scientologists is quite telling in relation to the title of Rathbun’s latest book. Like the actual content of that book, Rathbun also misuses that word illustrating that Rathbun still suffers from incredible layers of delusion.

  • MissCandle

    If they are so clear, how come they can’t proofread? In the second flyer, the Los Gatos org says its members are “ushing” public through the {routes to knowledge}. Do you think they mean ushering, rushing or pushing? Or something else? {I am gushing to know.}

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Jaime needs a “bangs” intervention! STAT!

    • sugarplumfairy

      Hairdressers cost money that could be better spent on macallan’s..

  • Guest

    Stop bullying Scientology. Only thugs and criminals would criticise something that helps people! You are all bullies!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Welcome back.

      • DeElizabethan

        The trolls and osabots are up against experts here and don’t stay long it seems. Unlike some other blogs where they fit in and more hidden. Say’s something for Bunkerittes expertise and knowledge on the subject. So far beyond a scio or indie. YEA! Oooh, is boasting permitted? They are fun and keeps us alert to the insanity.

    • Otto T Mariedahl

      Obvious troll is obvious.

      0/10

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Yep, lazy today,….well it is Sunday.

        • Otto T Mariedahl

          They don’t make em like they use to that’s for sure.

    • Mark

      (Oh dear, another one…) Please prove to any of us that $cientology helps anybody, except a certain David Miscavige to make lots of money. Judging by your previous posts, Metroisthebest, you don’t know very much about the subject, do you?

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      Go back to your British political commenting on other sites.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Yeah, those past posts are interesting.
        I think our troll did an oopsie!!!

      • Mark

        It’s not ‘Metroisthebest’ – it’s Alf Garnett (original of Archie Bunker) back from the grave…!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      buh bye Metroisbest.

      • Remy

        I think this is a different troll

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Then I agree!
          You are the scientist (which gives you 150 extra brownie points right off the top!)

    • Mr. Fabulous

      Get well soon.

      • Remy

        LOL!

    • sugarplumfairy

      While you’re here, please read Conditioner’s comment..

    • Room 101

      Hey bud, when you get a chance, go die.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Relax.. It’s a beautiful day..the pool would be boring if we all wear the same bikini..

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Besides……..it is “do a bunk”!

    • Only an organization of thugs and criminals would disappear somebody like Shelly Miscavage and keep her from communicating with her family. That’s assuming she’s still alive, of course.

    • sugarplumfairy

      btw, thanks for all the up arrows you’ve given me lately..

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Lol

        • sugarplumfairy

          I love how you get me..

          • L. Wrong Hubturd

            You had me at Up Vote. ;-P

            • sugarplumfairy

              Did you see Tony’s re-tweet of Michael McKean’s scientology joke? ..”you had me at hello, you lost me at dianetics..”

    • nottrue

      oh i know what i know cause tom cruise told me so. by the way have you been to the van allen belt lately.hot huh

    • Espiando

      Aw, shucks, he deleted his account. Serves me right for watching Murray/Djokovic (no pun intended, and congrats to Murray) instead of being here, having fun playing Whack-a-Troll. This is why I can’t have good things.

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Nah, you made the right choice. Trolls arrive all the time, a British Wimbledon champ, not so often. Goooooo Andy!

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      I find something more telling about this group than this troll: his post has been here for 2+ hours and not one person downvoted him/her. Instead, the response was humor and continued communication. So, what did the troll do after ranting that we were bullies? Deleted his account.

    • Spackle Motion

      You’re funny.

    • This was a troll? I thought it was someone being obviously sarcastic.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        It was a sarcastic troll.

    • chuckbeattyexseaorg75to03

      The Hubbard Scientology high volume exorcism (done on OT levels 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7) is of questionable universal effectiveness.

      Read Marty Rathbun’s 3rd book, read chapter “Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch” where a man firsthand tells of Hubbard’s difficulties dealing with body thetans that Hubbard ought to have exorcised years earlier. Hubbard was still dealing with his own body thetans, up to his final months of life. Read Marty’s book, where finally the person who LRH confided in, at the end of LRH’s life, tells what LRH told him.

      Read Lawrence Wright’s “Going Clear” the epilogue, where this same Scientologist friend, helper, to LRH, told of LRH’s final thoughts about whether LRH was an overall success or not, and what LRH’s plans for the future, after LRH died, were.

      LRH is Scientology, and all of us should face in full LRH’s ideas about Scientology and about LRH’s life and success at accomplishing what LRH said he wished to accomplish.

      I think a shortened critical book, extensively quoting the most relevant Hubbard writings relating to the big goals and Hubbard’s biggest ideas about the universe and what Scientology is all about, and what Hubbard’s final thoughts about it all were, needs be done, to just summarize the whole Hubbard story.

      • DeElizabethan

        Added to last post I can’t fine re: UFO Cult.
        Or found FREE on the Internet.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      That’s nice. Now go lie down with a cool drink. You’ve earned it.

  • Otto T Mariedahl

    I need data so I can cognate something.
    Is Golden Age of Knowledge a new scam or is it just a part of Golden Age of Tech?

    • Captain Howdy

      It’s D.M making the dupes do the basics again for the umpteenth time.

      • Otto T Mariedahl

        Thanks for the paydata Captain.

        I wonder if they will ever reach a point where members of CoS will just refuse to redo the basics again? Unless D.M. starts squirreling up some completely new tech I don’t see how just moving commas and other junk around can keep the sheep happy forever.

  • Gerard Plourde

    “Zoom, zoom, zoom”? “Phew?”
    I thought it was just Tom Cruise.

    • Missionary Kid

      It’s a disease, and they’ve all caught it.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Isn’t that a Peter Gabriel song?

    • Captain Howdy

      No, they’re all got tickets to the com comic-con.

    • BosonStark

      If they really want to go zoom zoom, they should play with a Xenu action figure toy set*, including DC8’s and volcanoes.

      *Body Thetans not included.

    • LemonLemon

      Haha I wonder which OT course teaches the scilons to make the exclamatory noises that seem to show up in every promotional video.

      • Gerard Plourde

        The Road Runner-Wile E. Coyote level.

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    Caught something odd in that over-the-top vid. Here’s the verbatim declamations, as printed on the screen. (It takes TWO GUYS to get this banality out): “I have a firm foundation that I don’t waver from because I know exactly what I know. I don’t know what it would be like to not know this stuff now.”

    But if you listen to this (it’s at :52), the second guy actually says, “I know what it would be like to not know this stuff now.” Huh? He apparently got so caught up in his knowingness that he accidentally told us what is really going on– that he now knows what it is like to NOT know.

    Good thing the transcription cleared that up!

    • Kim O’Brien

      I wonder at what stage or Thetan level or whatever …that the paranoia sets in ? Is it right from the get go ? Tom Cruise on the Today Show with his crazy eyes and the ” warning” for Brooke Shields ..etc. The ..”everyone is out to get us because we can save the planet ” stuff …and Marty thinking that the reason his book is not flying off the shelves is because of a “whispering campaign” among indies who say not to buy his book . Yeah …I’m sure that’s it . I think Jon and Jeff can actually write , their books were consumable and very interesting to read and I enjoyed them both . I never felt that my time or money was wasted after reading them ( books are like honey to me …i love them ) Thank xenu Marty was egomaniacal enough to post a few chapters from Scientology Warrior on his blog …..even the excerpts sucked .

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        There’s certainly an air of desperation in these over-the-top declarations. I’ve never been in, and have no idea what the full context of these taping sessions is. Do they whip everyone into a frenzy? Offer strawberry phosphate soma? Threaten to torture a puppy?

        Inquiring minds want to know.

  • villagedianne

    “Before whom even the gods bow in awe.” In my head I hear Kirk Douglas saying it: “Before whom even the gaads bow in awe.”
    Also love the picture of the big empty auditorium with the Scientology cross in front. Perfect symbolism!

  • JessicaSideways

    You know, when I found out about Scientology, I felt like I was drinking from the Jagerbomb of Gullibility.

  • BosonStark

    “And what you’re really doing is unraveling the entire universe.” Xenu calling on Line 1.

    • stanrogers

      You know, in all of the years I’ve been working with addicts, I must have heard the phrase “my whole universe is unravelling” a thousand or more times. Nobody ever said it like it was a good thing.

      • BosonStark

        That was probably my first reaction: Help! They’re unraveling the Universe!. Gather it together and fold it up again please.

      • Semper Phi

        LOL, and you are so right!

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        That is an astute observation.

    • Anonymookme

      I can help wih that! I do a lot of sewing and I use a product called Fray Check to prevent unraveling of fabric! It only costs around $5.00!
      Far cheaper than the Bridge to Clamtopia!

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        Do folks on the Bridge to Clamtopia have clamitis? You need antibiotics for that, right?

        • stanrogers

          Clamidia, actually.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            GMTA…

            • stanrogers

              Zackly.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Clamydia is another distinct possibility. Regularly apply bundled copies of “The Way to Happiness” unless symptoms persist.

    • Robert Eckert

      “and I don’t even realize that I’m doing it…”

  • TonyOrtega

    Are both videos still working for everyone? Got a report that one was removed, but they both work for me.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Both work for me.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Me too..

    • Mark

      Yes – though I’m not going to watch either of them again any time soon; I want to enjoy my dinner without any further symptoms of nausea…

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Well that is not very Theta of you. How are you going to unravel the universe over your beans and rice?

        • Mark

          Groo… now I do feel queasy.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      The first one did not come up the first time I tried. I refreshed the site and it played just fine.

      Apparently SMERSH was able to repair the security breach…

    • Truthiwant

      Works OK here in Italy.

    • koki

      Even in LRHs Bulgravia,they do perfectly well….
      Big hello from the land of El Ron…

    • q-bird

      both working here in Northern MN

    • DeElizabethan

      Not for those like me that can’t update Flash further on the first one. But OK, am happy anyway. And the feedback from here is great.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        I am in the same boat as you, De. I appreciate that Tony describes what is in the vid and I actually think it saves me some engrams.

        • DeElizabethan

          LOL! One’s never alone on the Bunker, yes!

      • Remy

        try rebooting after you udpdate flash

        • DeElizabethan

          To old of iMac my comp man tells me, and won’t upgrade further. New one in future, thanks.

    • Remy

      I had to update my flash, and reboot – then the first vid worked fine.

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    Hah.

    Noticed sumpin’ kinda funny about the Michael D. Roberts piece. What is that highlighted word floating above his left (our right) shoulder?

    Graphic design can be such a karmic bitch.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Actually looks like the word “ASS” is spilling out of his head…

      • Ruby

        Too funny!!!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        m-kay

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        Whereas, it is usually the other way around……

    • Truthiwant

      That’s one you don’t even need to parody in photoshop!

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        And once you have seen it, it cannot be unseen.

        • Truthiwant

          ASS = Association of Serious Scientologists

          FUCK = Fellows of the Unified Church of Knowingness

          SHITTY= Saint Hill Individual Treatment Therapy for Youth

          BUMS = Best United Members of Scientology

          DICK = Dianetic Institute of Church Knowledge

    • Phil McKraken

      Isn’t that the guy who works in the asylum where Rain Man lives? He says, “If I left tomorrow without a goodbye, he wouldn’t even notice I was gone.” Would be nice if that was the way it went for quitting Scilons.

  • monkeyknickers

    And this is the man from whose lips fall the secrets of the universe. Or something.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd1v7K5CsT4

    • BuryTheNuts2

      There must have been a lot of rum to wash down the pinks and grays that day.

      • monkeyknickers

        I s’pose you’d have to pop something if you’re going use examples of a turntable, a song called Methusala, squirrels, scary clowns, and crockery in the first five minutes of your creation myth speech. :))

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      WTF? Is this real? I just has to be edited, right…..right?

      • Phil McKraken

        Have you forgotten? It’s ALWAYS worse then you thought.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Makes TC seem absolutely lucid.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Seriously? I mean… seriously?

      • monkeyknickers

        Is that not mesmerizing weird ?? 🙂

    • Artoo45

      I feel a new song coming on . . . in my copious free time of course. It shall be called Peanut Whistle.

      • monkeyknickers

        Well .. . . . it’ll be easier rhyme pattern . . . . what with “similah! “earliah!” and of course, “Beeze-im-bottle it it it.” RIPE FOR PICKING Artoo. 🙂

    • Captain Howdy

      Ha, Ha..Woody Nots

    • Remy

      Awesome!!! Hubbard was such a loon!

      • monkeyknickers

        OR . . . “A certifiable ego maniac who drinks shitloads and then opens his mouth.” 🙂

        It’s ALL so off OBVIOUSLY off the top of his head.

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    Do you suppose they have a Scientology “Mad Libs” at Flag? It would certainly make the taping for these things that much easier.

    My (1) (2) has (3) since I (4) this (5). (6)! (7) really (8) in a (9) way. I am (10) and (11).

    1: whole, entire, total, complete
    2. life, world, universe, mind
    3. unraveled, exploded, expanded, sproinged
    4. completed, read, experienced, held
    5. book, course, tech, can
    6. zoom, oof, schwing, pouw
    7. Ron, The tech, This gift, My head
    8. came alive, blew up, became clear, went away
    9. new and startling, great and alarming, fun and friendly, fresh ‘n easy
    10 recharged, energized, fired up, refreshed
    11. ready for what’s next, eager to look ahead, set for the next task, flat broke

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      oh, this is priceless!

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Wunnerful! I’d add:

      12. Blowdown! Blowdown! Blowdown! Not sure if this is the new Call to the Whales or a sort of SOS MayDay! MayDay! MayDay!

      http://tinypic.com/r/wmghvc/5

    • Artoo45

      Perfect.

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      My ‘entire’ ‘mind’ has ‘sproinged’ since I ‘held’ this ‘can’. ‘Schwing’! ‘My head’ really ‘blew up’ in a ‘fun and friendly’ way. I am ‘fired up’ and ‘flat broke’ Amen.

  • Bob

    GET READY FOR WHAT IS COMING NEXT! The Golden Age Of Fleecing!

  • Sunny Sands

    Looking at the list of names in the Valley org fundraiser, notice the very last name after the Z’s says Nancy with no last name. Possibly this could be Nancy Cartwright.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      What also bugs me about that list is the way the columns are set up. At first glance it looks like each entry in a column represents a single person — until you realize it is first name, then last. When at first we don’t succeed, manipulate the graphics until we deceive.

      • LemonLemon

        Exactly and if you look at the last names, there are a lot of the same ones — multiple people in the same family, perhaps?? Then again, scientology thinks nothing of manipulating photographs to make it look like there are more people in a room than there are, it’s possible they are just making up names just to fill the roster.

        • Robert Eckert

          Reminds me of a bit in Mark Twain’s review of the Book of Mormon:

          Next is this:

          AND ALSO THE TESTIMONY OF EIGHT WITNESSES.

          Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto whom this work shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jr., the translator of this work, has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, which have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves as the said Smith has translated, we did handle with our hands; and we also saw the engravings thereon, all of which has the appearance of ancient work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear record with words of soberness, that the said Smith has shown unto us, for we have seen and hefted, and know of a surety that the said Smith has got the plates of which we have spoken. And we give our names unto the world, to witness unto the world that which we have seen; and we lie not, God bearing witness of it.

          CHRISTIAN WHITMER,
          JACOB WHITMER,
          PETER WHITMER, JR.,
          JOHN WHITMER,
          HIRAM PAGE,
          JOSEPH SMITH, SR.,
          HYRUM SMITH,
          SAMUEL H. SMITH.

          And when I am far on the road to conviction, and eight men, be they grammatical or otherwise, come forward and tell me that they have seen the plates too; and not only seen those plates but “hefted” them, I am convinced. I could not feel more satisfied and at rest if the entire Whitmer family had testified.

          • Missionary Kid

            That list looks like they were the inspiration for the 7/13/13 gala.

      • Captain Howdy

        Yes, at first I thought the same, then i was “what the hell is this?’ Church of Sneaky Petes.

    • MissCandle

      Good catch.

  • KNMF

    More “stupid things Scientologists say.”

  • Artoo45

    I can only assume that this video is not meant for wog consumption. Nobody’s guts could take it. We wouldn’t be able to cognatify the isness of their beingnatiousness. The valence is to verticalish. The blowdown is too precipitary. How can mere wogs even begin to generate such winly wins? Enthusiasm like this is so theta, so very, very, very, very, whoosh, woah, chahw, biff, bam, zzzzzzzzoooom! Well, how can we possibly even understand what they’re saying? We are like enturbulated cocker spaniels begging for their mindscraps at the table of their towering intellect.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      You can say that again…

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Yeah, that is definitely “a NO wog zone” video.
      Can you imagine being raw meat and sitting down in the Org to watch that video as your first introduction to Scientology.
      You wouldn’t even bother opening the door on your way out…You would just crash through it.

      Hey, Maybe that is why doors are in such high demand in the valley?

      • Missionary Kid

        And why they sell knobs. You have to buy one to get out.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          shhhhhh. Don’t give them any ideas, especially out there in the Valley.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Oh I think the valley has all the “knobs’ they need!

        • richelieu jr

          DMSKOHB… or so I hear…

          (a little joke for our English readers)

          • Missionary Kid

            It’s like the Willie Nelson line in Electric Cowboy, where he says that a woman could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

            DM could probably suck the finish off a door knob.

            Davy Misogynist Sucks Knobs On Hollywood Boulevard, to make it explicit.

    • aquaclara

      I don’t know how long it took you to come up with this, but it has given me at least five minutes worth of chuckles, and I am saving this one for future fun.

      So very very very whoosh whoa theta ish ness indeed!

  • Zana

    I HATE the music on Co$ videos!!! They underscore everything with that marching band on steriods. Just plain ugly. Noise. Audio trash. Musical harassment.

    There! I’ve said it. At last!

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      It’s like those evangelical mega-churches that have a “worship team” that whips the congregation into a frenzy with endless “praise choruses.” Driving beats, endless repetition, and a mind numbing volume level don’t do much to get me in a worshipful state. Or am I just old and out of touch with the way things are done today?

      • Spackle Motion

        Those McChurches are really strange. Having been raised with many different religions (went to a Jewish grade school and Catholic high school while going to Episcopalian services every Sunday), I was never more uncomfortable than being in one of those Mega-church services. It was loud, there were hundreds of people which makes it impersonal, and the music was absolutely terrible. The ‘Praise’ music is like listening to ‘Tone 40’ Muzak; fake, loud, with a full rock band that plays terrible music aimed for the lowest common denominator.

        • Missionary Kid

          Amen. It’s groupthink. I’ve never gone. I’ve spent enough time in church.

    • Captain Howdy

      It’s porn muzak hoping for a money shot.

    • richelieu jr

      It’s industrial wall-paper music that avoids having to have a real score and you kind of ride the busses and bring it up or down as needed.. Nasty stuff, and you’d be amazed how much of it is around and what big bizess it is…`

      Someone shuld relaly replace that music wiht some 70’s Porn wakka-wakka music sometime…

      (might be difficult as the original stuff is slathered everywhere like Mayonnaise on a WASP’s lunch, which could be arguably why it’s so present– To keep their stuff from being used in songs an mash-ups, etc…)

  • JessicaSideways

    It’s a theta Juggalo!

    Shame the campus is closed, otherwise, I would shoop DM as a midget Juggalo. 🙂

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    This is a complete momentary derail, but I am curious… MK, as a pilot, do you have any thoughts about the SF plane crash yesterday {other than that there must have been an SP related to the pilot}?

    • Missionary Kid

      Remember that this is all conjecture on my part. I reserve the right to be wrong. The final report won’t be out for at least a year. The information on the “black boxes” will be invaluable and may tell that I’m totally wrong.

      I think the plane was initially too high on approach, for whatever reason, I don’t know. The pilot cut the engines to close to idle in order to get down to the proper glide path and started a rapid descent. When he got down to the proper glide path, he was close to the approach end of the runway, but he needed to add power to stay on the glide path.

      Jet engines need several seconds to spool up from idle to develop full power, but I don’t think the pilot made allowances for that and added power too late to arrest the descent.

      Being close to the end of the runway, the only thing he could do is pitch the nose up, which meant that the tail pitched down and hit the sea wall because they were so low. That, in turn, knocked the tail off and pitched the nose down, slamming it to the ground, collapsing the landing gear.

      Without a tail, there wasn’t any directional control, so the plane went off the runway. I think that the safety standards for certification and Boeing’s design saved a lot of lives.

      I want to scream at the people who are reading or talking during the safety lecture to STFU and pay attention. It may save your life to know how to get out in an emergency. Even if I’m familiar with an airplane, I listen and read the emergency instructions. I hope I never have to use them, but I’ll sure as hell be ready if I need to get out.or help others to do the same.

      • stillgrace

        I agree! I travel a lot and have most of the planes’ exit routes memorized, however, I always review the card in the seat in front of me and take a look around anyway.

        • Robert Eckert

          It’s not like there’s something else exciting to be doing that it is keeping you from.

          • stillgrace

            I always laugh (inside) when the flight attendant says: “In the event of a water landing …”
            Unless there are pontoons on this plane, let’s skip the water {landing}, OK?

            • Missionary Kid

              The last U.S. water landing of an airliner before the landing in the Hudson was in the 1950s.

              I’m still ready to grab a cushion, if necessary.

            • stillgrace

              Me, too! I once got a weird look from a flight attendant (years ago) because I tested the detachability of the seat cushion before we took off. Two members of my immediate family are associated with the airline industry. One international flight attendant and one high-ranking FAA (SFO is his airport, too).

            • stateofcircle

              If you don’t mind me asking MK, are you a commercial pilot? How often do you fly? (I’m just asking out of curiosity because I love planes. I got my father a flight lesson for his birthday and we’re going in a few weeks…very excited)

            • Missionary Kid

              Realize that Commercial pilot only means that one can be paid for flying. To get paid as a flight instructor, you must also have a Commercial rating. I let my instructor rating lapse about 40 years ago.

              Almost all airline pilots have their Air Transport Rating, and if they don’t, they have to get one ASAP, which is far more difficult to acquire.

              Now, with the economy down, I’ve had to sell the part ownership of the plane that I had, but I do ferry planes around for people on occasion, and act as a necessary copilot.

              I can recommend some things to read so he’ll be a bit better prepared. What airfield will he be flying out of?

            • Missionary Kid

              If your father is serious about becoming a pilot, there is a mentoring program that is tied in with the Aircraft Owners and Pilot’s Association as well as a free flight. If you want, I can hook him up.

            • stateofcircle

              Oh god no, it’s just one silly flight lesson. My dad has always love planes and is a sort of war plane buff (if there is such a thing…) and I just got him this silly little day thing where you learn stuff with the pilot, go up, get a picture…nothing super official. I’m just going to watch. It’d be really cool if it turned into something but that’s a slim chance, plus I would imagine it would be expensive. We’re doing it out of a tiny airport in New England that only has little cessna’s and small jets.

            • Missionary Kid

              They usually call them warbirds. I’m sure that they have fly-ins in New England, where often times people with warbirds take them out and fly them. Often times, they are affiliated with air museums.

              Right now, I don’t see any listed for New England, because the big event coming up is the fly-in at Oshkosh, called Airventure at the end of this month.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I always finish the sentence under my breath…
              ….we are fucked!

            • stillgrace

              well put!!

        • Missionary Kid

          That’s the attitude! While flying in an airplane is far safer than the drive to the airport, when something does happen, it’s en mass. It’s also a completely different environment.

      • Missionary Kid

        If you look at the fuselage where the tail broke off, you see what looks like a green ball. That’s the back end of the pressure vessel that holds in the air to keep the interior of the plane at an altitude of 7 or 8 thousand feet while the plane is flying at over 30 K feet.

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        thanks MK!

        • Missionary Kid

          You’re welcome, but I could be completely wrong. Time will tell.

      • aquaclara

        Adding my thanks here, too.

        • Missionary Kid

          We’ll see how accurate I am. The final findings may be quite different. All I gave was a guess.

      • aquaclara

        Late post here, but they are now reporting that the pilot was in training with this aircraft, with only 43 hours of flying time on the 777. The plane approach was too slow as well. Facts are coming in now… Have your read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers book? There is a section on the Asian cultural factors that were contributing to plane crashes.

        • Missionary Kid

          There well may be cultural factors. In the U.S., we’ve had cultural problems with dominating captains who basically dominated copilots to the extent that the copilots were unwilling to speak up or take over when the captain was making a mistake. Most airlines have instituted what is called Cockpit Resource Management.

          The Instructor pilot will get blamed because he didn’t spot and correct the problem of an unstable approach.

          It’s not a problem in having a rookie pilot land an airplane, but an instructor should be monitoring the performance of the pilot handling the controls.

          Flying an airplane is a matter of energy management. The pilot was low, so he tried to add power, but with the delay in spooling up, that wouldn’t help for a few seconds. The descent was arrested by pitching the nose up, but in converting forward speed to lift, the airplane slowed close to stall speed.

          According to a report I just read, the stick shaker was operating. That shakes the stick to let the pilot know that he’s close to a stall, and that he needs to put the nose down to pick up speed.

          They are very lucky they even made the runway.

  • Yawanoc

    Heheheheheeee

    • Anonymookme

      She appears to be terrified in that screen shot.

      • sugarplumfairy

        To me, she looks like she’s about to order the huntsman to kill SnowWhite..

        • Captain Howdy

          To me she looks like her depends need to make amends.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        I am reminded of this poor sap:

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Or she’s a Scanner! There’s a guy across the room from her that looks like this:

    • BuryTheNuts2

      she makes afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Spackle Motion

    If I keep in mind that Scientology sells false promises of certainty, then the blathering fools on these videos start to make sense. But the general public watching this will come to the conclusion that Scientology is weird and these people have plastic smiles and are speaking nonsensical statements and non sequiturs.

  • chuckbeattyexseaorg75to03

    One of the major downsides to just the cheerleading self promotion marketing aspects that Scientology employs on its members, to me, one of my hindsight conclusions, since I was mainly a movement training officer concerned with making the future leaders of the movement; I think in hindsight that whipping up demand in our members for Hubbard’s “products” (auditing, books, training, knowledge, case gain, OT abilities, spiritual enlightenment) while this is all important and a lesson to other religions selling their wares to their members, this marketing angle for inciting demand and sharing all these ga-ga it’s so wonderful good testimonials doesn’t make a solid foundation for the movement.

    The movement still has to have intelligent members, and these ga-ga hyped up members telling their testimonials and urging their fellow members to do the same book and lecture training study aren’t enough.

    Miscavige has decimated the whole executive structure that had a parallel internal activity going on, which today seems nowhere in sight.

    All ga-ga hype inciting the members to demand Hubbard’s wisdom, and no internal building of the staff hierarchies with intelligent strategic leaders, who are allowed to view and digest and work out realistic solutions to the movement’s actual problems (extremist shunnig, its focus on money and buildings and not the spiritual transcendent “case gains”), is what I see overall what’s wrong with the whole Hubbard setup.

    Scientology, because it’s essentially a UFO cult, will need UFO visitations vindicating Hubbard’s science fiction beliefs about earth’s cosmic inter-stellar relationship with “this sector of the galaxy.”

    Like the many Christian sects that await the return of Christ, for Scientology to be actually vindicated, will take some alien Marcab or other galactic alien visitations to earth to really prove Hubbard was somewhat right in his grand megalomania views of how important Scientology is to this whole universe’s dwindling spiral that only Scientology can forestall.

    Scientology’s actual beliefs are just too seriously outer space stuff.

    Auditing a person for thousands and thousands of hours on their past life space civilization lifetimes and into their supposed lives on countless other more advanced space civilizations, does not vindicate Scientology.

    We’d need a extra terrestial intelligent factual visitation by some Marcabians, or similar, and if they tell us that incidents like the Xenu incident (the 4th dynamic engram, the big daddy of all engrams which are handled by Hubbard’s OT levels 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7) are real, in cosmic space civilization history, then there might be some vindication for Hubbard’s “tech.”

    Otherwise, what all this hype that Scientology current marketing does, only deflects from the bigger story that Hubbard was trying to tell us!

    Shortening the whole Hubbard story, about what Hubbard thought about the universe, his place in it, and taking into consideration all the final revelations from Lawrence Wright’s book, Hugh Urban’s book and ow Marty’s 3rd book (the only one of Marty’s 3 books I think really with enough good raw meat history in it), I think a new shorter book telling simply Hubbard’s big goals, and his actual beliefs, ought be done. Russell Miller’s book didn’t really delve deeply enough into Hubbard’s full final historical writings, and tie up conclusively Hubbard’s full wide views of the universe, and where the universe is going. Urban’s book, to me, did that a little bit, but he didn’t have the info Wright and Marty’s books have, and there needs to be more quoting of Hubbard’s wild science fiction ideas, the ones that ARE taken seriously by the most fanatical and informed members.

    • villagedianne

      You ought to write a book, Chuck Beatty.

      • chuckbeattyexseaorg75to03

        There is a couple more years of flushing more raw information into the public domain, I think, that ought to be done.

        I only wish the good writers that have taken on Scientology, had had all the info, and had had all the final LRH thoughts and private writings to digest.

        But this decade has produced a huge crop of good books, so flushing out the final bits of history, from Pat Broeker, from Terri Gamboa, and from other ex Guardian’s Office biggies, like Jane Kember, would be fruitful. Maybe Norman Starkey will blow someday, who knows, and write!

        There’s plenty of excellent history that’s gotten out these last 10 years or so.

    • DeElizabethan

      YES, UFO Cult! Truth be told, and all one needs is lots and lots of money to find it out.

  • Douglas D. Douglas

    “Literally” strikes again. At 2:50 we hear this: “And they literally just set you on fire as a spiritual being.”

    Literally ON FIRE? I hope someone was on hand with a bucket of water. Or at least a Touch Assist.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Butcket of water.
      Nix bucket of water.

      http://i44.tinypic.com/zlq0w7.jpg

    • stillgrace

      You are on fire yourself today, sir! I’ve had a few laughs this morning thanks to you.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        I’ve been away too long. Not good to suppress all the cruel, cruel bullying of the greatest gift to mankind.

        • stateofcircle

          I’m happy you’re back, you’ve been missed!

        • aquaclara

          And of course, now that you’re back, you have caught up on all you missed by reading all Tony’s articles plus the billions of profound comments, right???
          🙂

          We have no synopsis, other than that July is turning out to be quite productive here at the Bunker.

          Welcome back.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Always read the articles, and often lurk on the threads. I was a lurker for some time before I started posting.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              it is really hard not to spew once you have done it? eh?

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              You can say that again…

    • Robert Eckert

      “Literally” literally strikes again: no, really, those people actually got punched in the face.

  • Life just isn’t a mystery anymore!

    Does anyone else find this sad? Besides for the fact they’re deluded, I mean? If life’s not a mystery any more, what’s the point?

    • Captain Howdy

      The “mystery’ to me is that people think there is a “point”. That, and this idea that we’re something more than just another species of animal.

      • The “point” is different for everyone, and constantly changing.

    • Bella Legosi

      I was thinking the same thing. Also, how can you really know the universe? What’s left after that? Target 2?

  • media_lush

    Out of the current crop of Super Heros and Super Hero movies which one do you think is most likely to be a scientologist and why…..

    • Robert Eckert
    • None of them, because at this point it’s career poison. But if it weren’t: Henry Cavill. Because he’s just not very bright.

      • media_lush

        I was actually thinking of the characters rather than the actors portraying them…. Incidentally Christopher Reeve dabbled with the cult but after giving bogus answers during auditing soon realised it was a con

        • sugarplumfairy

          Oh, in that case, Jack Reacher.. =)

          • media_lush

            haven’t seen it…. does the character have superpowers?

            • sugarplumfairy

              Nooo.. But Stephen King says he’s “the toughest go**amn Army cop that ever served, in my humble opinion.”

            • Captain Howdy

              Yes, he is the Master of the reach-around.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Armie Hammer.. because he has family money the octopus would love to get it’s tentacles on..

      • villagedianne

        Any relation to Armand Hammer, the famous financier and deal-maker?

        • Spackle Motion

          Yes. Armie Hammer is the son of Armand Hammer. According to his Wikipedia page, his parents disowned him when he left high school to become an actor.

          He went to LA Baptist High School, which I’m familiar with. I would have left too.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Actually (don’t you hate officious know-it-alls that start out with “actually?”), Armand Hammer the financier and deal-maker is Armie Hammer’s great-grandfather.

            • Spackle Motion

              His father was not the famous tycoon but was a known financier and deal-maker in his own right, which was the original question from villagedianne.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Ah. His dad (Michael Armand Hammer) goes by Armand, like his grandfather. So I wasn’t sure if the original question meant Armand the oil tycoon or Armand the media mogul.

  • ze moo

    “Zoom, zoom, zoom, big data, After a moment it’s like phew, phew. I would have some huge cognition. The win doesn’t just become a foot wide, suddenly it feels a mile wide. because you understand the data of what just happened. The cognitions are much deeper are bigger, faster because I know what I am doing, what I am seeing.”

    Nonsensical general terms stringed together are called ‘blather’. A person who blathers is called a blatherskite.

    blath•er•skite
    n.
    1. a person given to voluble, empty talk.
    2. nonsense; blather.

    Why does ‘being at cause over matter, energy, space and time’, involve a decided lack of language skills?

    • Spackle Motion

      Does it rhyme with blather-shite?

      • ze moo

        You may pile on the ‘shite’ as high as you wish. I’ll just remain up wind……

    • Captain Howdy

      Thanks for the “blatherskite”. That’s a keeper.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      It’s like a musician who is really an insipid accountant, stodgy husband by day and at night jams on a sax at the corner hole in the wall pub, playing 10 minute long leads that have too many notes, following no particular time signature or scale that says absolutely nothing and evokes the emotion of a slug.

      • ze moo

        “that says absolutely nothing and evokes the emotion of a slug.”

        It is sad when you see more emotion and mental engagement in a high bran breakfast cereal advertisement.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          yep. Invasion of the Body Snatchers meets 1984. Sad and scary when you know some of the people pre-pods and see and hear them in these vids.

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      We in RTC know a certain executive who is a Shermanspeak-enabled blatherskite.

  • richelieu jr

    Hey! I met Michael D Roberts when he was filming that wonderful film, Ice Pirates at my school when I was at film school! He’s a $cilon? No offence, Michael, but I totally should have known…

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      As early as 1978, he had an RV he would park in Hollywood and try to pick up street kids and recruit them into some scientology program he was running.

      I met him over by the Hollywood Inn one night when I had ducked out of the ‘complex’ to take a walk. I was in the sea org then, and I didn’t always sleep well, sometimes I would just take the tunnels to the secret exit and walk down through Hollywood. There he was, in the RV, there by the old “Hollywood Inn” where they have the winter wonderland. He came down and tried to get me in. I recognized it as scientology and was terrified he would report me to ethics.

      So I just cruised on by. He seemed so creepy. Late on, he helped Howard Becker rape me of many thousands of dollars for the IAS. He’s still creepy.

      • Captain Howdy

        “As early as 1978, he had an RV he would park in Hollywood and try to pick up street kids and recruit them into some scientology program he was running.”

        WTF? {at least he wasn’t doing something creepily evil like trying to sell the kids drugs}

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Yeah, why actually get something for your money!

          • Captain Howdy

            Bingo!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              It is always nice to play your straight man….er, so to speak.

            • Captain Howdy

              When looking at his photo today, I kinda thought he had the Henry Lee/Ottis Toole lazy eye thing going on.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Oooh me too!!!

            • richelieu jr

              That’s a Bingo!

            • Captain Howdy

              No, it’s just “bingo”. 😉

      • Robert Eckert

        {Kids, do you want some candy? Just get in this van…}

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          I think it was him getting ‘life experience’ so he would ‘understand’ and ‘inform’ his character on Baretta with ‘genuine’ reality based behavior.

          • Semper Phi

            Something he certainly wouldn’t get down at the Celebrity Centre.

      • richelieu jr

        Yeah, he did that too freindly, hold your hand in both of his when shaking it, stare a bit too long and too deeply into your eyes thing with me.. I just thought– Boy that is one really friendly, weird guy…

        Jeez, was there anyone normal on Baretta?

        • Captain Howdy

          The cockatoo.

          • Sidney18511

            LOVED that cockatoo. Can’t remember it’s name. Anybody????

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Fred.

            • Robert Eckert

              We get such an eclectic education on this blog!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              i certainly never picked up even 10 percent of this good stuff in school. (with the exception of chemistry class)…
              Nother story…

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Yes, he had a wide smile from a distance, but up close he always gave off that heeby jeeby vibe.

        Now, Michael…about this secret exit! I sure could have used a tunnel map with Secret Exit arrows on it back in the 80’s. I would have given you my last secret stash of toilet paper for that map.

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          A bit late, and somehow I always found TP.

          Ok, it’s: Take the stairs down to the basement. Depending where you are, make your way to the tunnel that goes past the morgue and under ASHO and then LA Org.

          Some where along there, there was a left turn tunnel that went over toward what became the PUBS building, the one that had the boilers and stuff. This tunnel was eventually disguised by the RPF by building a door way and using that crappy green linoleum wainscoting to extend up to it so it looked just like an ordinary door to a room. They then put a bunch of the back folders into the tunnel, and other docs and kept it locked.

          That tunnel came out right at a set of stairs that took you up to the street level of that building. Not used much. But it had a door that opened onto the parking lot between LA Org and the PUBS building. Usually you could get out there without being seen. It had a crappy lock that you could push back with a knife blade when you wanted to get back in.

          That was my secret exit. The other way was to take the tunnel between main building and AOLA, come out in the basement, up the stairs and out the emergency exit near the north corner on Berendo. It wasn’t as secure, since more people were out and you couldn’t get in that way. There was also an exit to the alley between the research building and the other wing of AO.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            We should have a map of all the secret exits and have them printed on toilet paper rolls and ship them to the org. That would be So fantastic! So I owe you some TP, and I know you go for bulk so ….

            http://i42.tinypic.com/2liuftd.jpg

            • Michael Leonard Tilse

              I’m sure they are all on camera these days, with good locks and alarms for unauthorized use. Sigh.

              Gives a new meaning to clearing ones pallet.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              True. I guess if the fact they are ordered to not go on the Internet + OT 8’s now must do Objectives again doesn’t turn the alarm on for them, just those 2 facts, they’d probably just sell the secret exit toilet paper to buy more “Basics”. 2 + 2 really Does equal 5 now in scientology world.

          • aquaclara

            So, just for the public record, in your experience, how long has it been since one could just, well, walk out the front door for a breath of fresh air with no worries over locks, etc?
            Of course, I love the secret tunnel story-this is the first time I have heard this.
            Thanks!

            • Michael Leonard Tilse

              You could still do it in 1980. After the orgs moved in, it was easier since the chain-link fence around most of the complex had been taken down. Contrary to some assertions, that fence was put up by Cedars of Lebanon when they moved out.

              It was significantly harder by 1984. The one tunnel had been covered over like I said, and people were watched more closely. But if you could fake having some errand to run it was pretty easy. In ’84 I used to take my motorcycle down to the video store to rent a VCR and some movies for SMI INT ‘movie night’.

              It got progressively tighter after the Wollersheim trial and the security went up with roving guards, etc.

            • aquaclara

              So for just about 30 years, Scilons have been held in restrictive conditions, at least in that building. I wonder how long at Flag and in England….

              Every day, I learn something here. Wish the governments would step up to the plate. This is a direct violation of so many laws….

          • BuryTheNuts2

            No wonder you kept that knife blade sharp!

  • richelieu jr

    Those videos are TOTALLY OT…T!

    “It’s like a total hat for an ass!”

    “Before whom event he gods double up in laughter!”

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      The Full ASS Hat! With a cheek sheet and everything!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Ok, you perv’s are into the S&M.
        I get it!
        Far fucking out!!!!

        Go Kitz(en) with a whip!!!!!

        By the way, I have some used Horse equipment that has never been remotely near a horse for sale, cheap.
        Excellent quality leather. Just sayin……

      • FistOfXenu

        The newest Hat in $cientology!

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          LOL!

    • Kitz

      Heh… yeah. My gods aren’t all that fond of hubris, and they tend make their displeasure VERY painful. >.<

  • BeezleBobby

    What caught my eye in the flyers was the phrase, “Move Up In Status Today!” That strikes me as a key motivator and explains why many people keep giving.

    • Amelia Williamson

      I had the same thought……

    • ze moo

      Almost 400 hundred years ago Martin Luther rebelled against the Catholic Church because of the sale of ‘indulgences’. The CO$ now makes the donation of money the central tenant of their religion.

      How much ‘status’ does a 3rd mortgage buy? There is a reason the word ‘mortgage’ starts with ‘mort’….
      {no, some guy named ‘morty’ is not involved}

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Marty? Is that you?

        Er, I mean morty

        😉

    • Roger Larsson

      Clams
      leaving the sea make it up to a valley. Wogs leaving high peaks make it down to
      a valley.

      • sugarplumfairy

        To eat clams?

  • Robert Eckert

    It’s Unbelievable! [crank up the volume]

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waacof2saZw

  • 0tessa

    How applicable is a quote of Stalin on Hubbard and his Scientology:
    ‘ The poet is the engineer of the soul’. Read: Scientology is engineering your soul. Be sure to lose it in the process.

  • Tone400Baby

    Did everyone notice that one of the massive words to blaze across the screen in that Valley Humanitarian video is: RIDICULOUS (at 10 seconds). How’d that get past COB? Or maybe Ridiculous is just the next Humanitarian Status after Astounding and Unbelievable. I know my BTs are barking for Ridiculous Status.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      I think the other word they absolutely got right in that vid is: UNBELIEVABLE

    • BuryTheNuts2

      That was my favorite part!!!!

  • F_Randy_Hullabaloo

    There must be a confidential PR course called “Tone 40 Hyperbole”

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

    After watching the nonstop lunatic parade of Valley Org’s insipid Out PR videos, COB is considering declaring all of these louts.

    It gets worse: the Valley Org just sent us this clip of what it is calling the “Valley Org Fundraising Dance”

    http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/Derp_zpsf01775f8.gif

    • Anonymookme

      Ok, I just damn near choked on a sip of diet Pepsi!

    • Captain Howdy

      Is that the “Thetan Twist”, or is it the “Venusian Moon Walk”?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        It is the Scientology Hustle.

        • Ms. B. Haven

          Very popular amongst all of the regs about 1:45 every Thursday…

      • Sherbet

        It’s either the Body-Drop Boogie or the Legality Sidestep, I think.

        • Captain Howdy

          It looks like Eno having a seizure.

          • Sherbet

            Touch assist, stat!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Go Sherb…You do it.
              Your the only one who can help!

            • Sherbet

              Don’t be glib.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I can’t help it.
              I am a Wog.
              It is part of the package.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I always liked this stupid song. Sue me.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pUc-3oL_Ok

            • Captain Howdy

              That’s one of the songs he wrote for Julie Christie when they were together.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              That is one of the best looking Women to ever take a breath!

            • Captain Howdy
            • Sherbet

              I figured out that is NOT a picture of Julie Christie, though. I’m perceptive like that.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Whew!!!

          • Captain Howdy

            I’m a HUGE (early) Roxy Music and (early) Eno fan.

            Here’s my favorite Eno song that is (not) about scientology.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaF_2l4vRrs

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        The “Valley Org Fundraising Dance” originally started one evening when famous senior Flag Tech terminal Davis Jackinov was visiting the Valley Org for a fundraiser.

        (For details on Davis Jackinov see: http://otviiiisgrrr8.com/2013/07/03/davis-jackinov-becomes-senior-gat-2-tech-terminal/)

        The wretched Valleyites were dancing and rolling on the floor like Pentecostals. Suddenly, one of the Valley OT’s started doing the what would later become the Valley Org Fundraising Dance.

        After a few minutes it became apparent that the man had mocked up an epithetic seizure. To avoid an Out PR situation, someone drove him over to a nearby hospital and dumped him at the entrance of the ER.

        He was quickly declared for being old and Out PR but the dance caught on.

        • Captain Howdy

          Kind of like Sid accidentally inventing the pogo, eh?

          • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

            Exactamundo.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        That’s the Fundraiser Funky Chicken Dance… you first have to remove all backbone.

        • Captain Howdy

          We have a winner!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            me likey ten times.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I humbly accept, but it needs the right music, Cap’n. I know you can.

            • Captain Howdy

              The Cramps “Mystery Pane”

              My daddy drives a UFO
              Drops me off and then he goes
              Leaves me on this mystery plane
              Yeah, but he’ll be back for me again
              Oh yes he will!

              Now I just can’t identify
              With this world so I don’t try
              Square pegs don’t fit in round holes
              And I can’t fit into these clothes
              Oh oh no!

              My daddy’s unidentified
              Mom says I just appeared inside
              Oh, looks like a case of hit and run
              Yeah, but I’m the one and it’s no fun
              Oh oh no fun!

              http://youtu.be/Jkd4TP-48LA

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              good one!

          • Sherbet

            I agree! Excellent, Holey.

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          May we suggest the “Ideal Org Fundraiser Funky Chicken Dance”?

          We want to ensure that Scientology remains in the title.

          • Observer

            Judging by the feeble attempts at confront and shatter we’ve seen here lately, I consider the use of “chicken” to be keeping Scientology in the title.

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Point well taken relative to public Scientologists, but we need to mention the Ideal Orgs to keep our stats up.

    • Ms. B. Haven

      Now wait just a darned minute Mr. OTVIIIisGrrr8! I took a good look at that list of Valley parishioners and noticed our old friends Andrea and Michael Doven were listed there. PLEASE tell me that these fellow OT VIIIs are not the suppressive louts that you accuse them of being. I don’t know what they are doing at the Valley Org anyway, I thought that they were CCI folks. Have they blown CCI and are seeking to slip out quietly under the radar and out thru the backdoor of this fundraiser as mere Platinum Humanitarian IAS members and leave the rest of the good Valley folks holding the bag?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Just wondering why Andrea Doven is following her ” old friend” and Sooper SP, Nicole Kidman on her facebook page.

        Isn’t this “a thing that should not be”?

        • Captain Howdy

          She’s trying to do the creepy crawl on Nicole.

          • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

            COB will have Nicole spied on for at least 25 years to protect the Church. Andrea is just one of Nicole’s handlers. We in RTC need to keep our comm lines in with Nicole so that she doesn’t do a book or a movie where she blathers on about how COB orchestrated the divorce because of COB’s incredible mancrush on Tom Cruise.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          Felicia Bushman was her assistant for many years. Her mom is an veteran scientologist, FSM, Sioux Hart, back from the 70’s. Felcia married well and does interior design for those livin’ large in California now.

          http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1093176/

    • Spackle Motion

      Can’t. Stop. Watching.

  • Sherbet

    I want to know what the “two major blows to psychiatry that have never happened before” are.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Idk, but I bet it has something to do with Hollywood Boulevard..

      • Captain Howdy

        Pervert!

        • sugarplumfairy

          I prefer to think of me as a degenerate..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I prefer to think of you that way too.
            …..but a degenerate with bandaids.

            • Captain Howdy

              And morphine.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Rolls my eyes….you always go straight to the opiates!

            • Captain Howdy
            • Sherbet

              Joking and degradation provided by Bury and ‘fairy, with soundtrack compliments of Howdy. That’ll work.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I keep telling myself that I am only going to post serious and on topic stuff.

              I am a failure…Do you think Scientology can help me with that?

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Yes, Scientology can handle your glibness and your “Miss Pattycake” dilettantishness. Our auditors can knock that nonsense right out of your skull and then blow you fifty feet out of your head.

              All you need do is become an IAS member and get yourself on course in your nearest Ideal Org.

              As the Founder wrote:

              “When somebody enrolls, consider he or she has joined up for the duration of the universe – never permit an ‘open-minded’ approach… If they enrolled, they’re aboard, and f they’re aboard they’re here on the same terms as the rest of us – win or die in the attempt. Never let them be half minded about being Scientologists… When Mrs. Pattycake comes to us to be taught, turn that wandering doubt in her eye into a fixed, dedicated glare… The proper instruction attitude is, ‘We’d rather have you dead than incapable.’”

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yes, Scientology can handle your glibness and your “Miss Pattycake” dilettantishness. Our auditors can knock that nonsense right out of your skull and then blow you fifty feet out of your head.

              As BM once said:

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

              HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

            • Captain Howdy

              Comedy is much harder to do than drama, even though the punters around here seem to much prefer the (melo)drama. Spill your guts and the votes go up!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yeah, i am all about the J&D.
              Why so serious???

            • Captain Howdy

              Moi?

            • Sherbet

              Yeah, I make the same resolution, and then a quip enters my brain, and I’m off and running.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Yeah, fuck profundity!
              That is for people who just want to look smmaartt.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              “Fuck profundity.” That’s so… profound.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I try, really hard…are U buying any of this shit?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              i thought so!

            • Captain Howdy

              Yeah, you ladies really need to work on that. Maybe you could take a pledge or something?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              or not…

            • Sherbet

              You mean you really want Bury and me to be quiet?

            • Sherbet

              I leave the computer for 40 minutes, and I come back to joking and degrading among the three of you.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Hell, I was gone for 20 of those minutes…..

              You can’t turn your back on us for a minute!

            • sugarplumfairy

              You started it..

          • Captain Howdy

            Of course. I forgot the ARC 2D.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Nice Penrose Tribar!!! I like it.

            • Captain Howdy

              I hope so seeing as how you designed it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              No, I Only co-opted it. Roger Penrose daddy Designed it

            • Captain Howdy

              Designing a blue triangle must have been difficult.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Naw..that is what photo programs are for….

  • Jgg2012

    I still haven’t seen a perfect clear.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      You need glasses!

      • Jgg2012

        Ok, let me put them on. Oh, wow, look–that “what do you get photo” shows a church that is totally empty!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          See how “clear” that org was!

      • Robert Eckert

        Why would such a big being need glasses?

    • Captain Howdy

      You need the Magoo Rundown — and i don’t mean Tory.

  • richelieu jr

    Bang! Whiz! Shabang!

    Song of the day!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiIayQA80G4

    or in English (but wihtout Brigitee Bardot wiggling her little butt in a skin-tight outfit):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSVBH__bgMo

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Now there is someone who made the lazy eye look HOT!

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Love the lyrics. This is perfect. I’d like to see the video now with this as the audio track.

      • richelieu jr

        Yes, I thought it was pretty à propos!

    • Captain Howdy

      Awesome..but I still prefer Je T’aime Moi Non Plus (me love Jane) or Lemon incest..J/K

      http://youtu.be/LctKineGSP0

      • richelieu jr

        I HATE ‘lemon incest’, but yes, ‘Je t’aime moi nonplus ‘is king (though not as relevant to today’s videos!)

        • Captain Howdy

          Ever seen “Charlotte Forever”?

          • richelieu jr

            Of course.

            I have even seen Charlotte.

  • Remy

    It’s nice to have the “datum” that EVERY single one of the scientologists in that video set off my bullshit detector. I suspect it would be physically painful to be in the same room with any of them.

    I especially despise the arse that says he has “a firm foundation” that he doesn’t “waiver from” because he “knows exactly what he knows.” Insanity defined.

  • Sunny Sands

    The what do you get photo with the church interior looks similar to the building my church built in 1970. Same center aisle, vaulted ceiling, wood beams, light fixtures exactly the same, front area, and lights on the sides. I don’t know much about architecture, but could easily tell this was a generic older design.

    • Remy

      If I zoom in on that picture enough, I get the impression that it is a computer-generated interior

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Noooo, You mean they LIED?

        Edit:OK, spatial relation fails. Look at the bench count to the depth. You are obviously correct.
        Completely off!!

        • Gerard Plourde

          To paraphrase Capt. Renault in “Casablanca” – “I’m shocked, shocked to learn that they faked the church interior!”

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      The Valley Org bought an existing facility that a larger (and more successful) Christian congregation was vacating. So yes, it is a dated old interior, made splendiferous through the magic of CGI, endless fundraising, and wishful thinking.

      • aquaclara

        And wishful thinking….!

  • TonyOrtega

    Bonus post coming tonight, hopefully within the hour. Then, in the morning, buckle your seats.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      TEASE!

      • Ms. B. Haven

        God dammit Tony, how’s a girl supposed to get any sleep? I think I need to start on a Bunker 12 step program. De-Bunkering…

        • BuryTheNuts2

          I know…just when i thought it was safe to do sleep bunk…fucker fucks with us again!!!

        • Captain Howdy

          If you’re looking for a ‘boost’ call me at 1-800-METH. i deliver over the phone.

          • sugarplumfairy

            Just say no!!!

            • Captain Howdy

              Oh, but it’s OK for chiropractors, eh?

            • sugarplumfairy

              They’re trained experts..

            • sugarplumfairy

              Ok, I hear it.. I take it back..

            • Captain Howdy

              So I am. I have 30+ years of experience as a Dr. (druggie retard)

        • sugarplumfairy

          Sign me up! Two weekends in a row I’ve been on the beach, reading my phone.. It ain’t fittin’, it just ain’t fittin’…

          • BuryTheNuts2

            No shit… I took some nice vacations…stillfuckd!!!

          • Remy

            LOL !

        • aquaclara

          Not this year! We are watching the year of the BIG FAIL right now!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Ah shit…just when I was gonna pass out!!!!!

      • sugarplumfairy

        Lol..

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Do I hafta stay up ’til 4am to get the morning edition fresh?

    • Remy

      Looks like I picked the wrong night to quit sniffing glue

      • BuryTheNuts2

        this fucking shit is so unreal…just when I was gonna have a nice little nap………

    • Sherbet

      AARRGGGHHHHHHHH!!! I was just ready to turn off the computer for the night.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Yay!

    • Gerard Plourde

      I guess this means another glass of wine.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Yep!

        edit: fuck!!!

      • Remy

        Looks like I picked the wrong night to quit drinking

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Looks like I picked the wrong night to stop doing heroin…

          • Remy

            Looks like I picked the wrong night to go gluten-free, and quit crack

            • BuryTheNuts2

              wheatis the beat…justsayno

          • Captain Howdy

            Better you than me.

        • aquaclara

          Yep! Pour away!

        • Robert Eckert

          Looks like I picked the wrong night to stop eating lampreys.

      • aquaclara

        Joining you in another glass of wine. Especially since a thunder storm a lil bit ago changed the evening outside plans…..

    • Leslie Stipe

      I’ll never get to sleep now…more klonopin.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Oy VEY…. U are killin me!!!
    and u sleep less than I do!
    shit already!

  • Remy

    New post up

  • Sherbet

    I may as well stay up and watch the Red Sox game from the West Coast.

    • TonyOrtega

      5th inning already….

      • Sherbet

        Yeah, I just realized that. Insert “duh!” here.

  • Jim Buchan

    the golden age of bullshit

  • Clever design (not) that the “pews” in the vacant Valley org are colored in a green and patterned in ways that are at least reminiscent of USA moneys. Kind of, I guess.

  • A Guest

    test post re: danny masterson’s instagram Dec 2014

    ………..

    Merry Xmas to me,merry Xmas to me,merry Xmas dear danny,merry Xmas to me. Lil baby @chriskennedyy knows just how to get to a gurls heart. A photo posted by dannymasterson (@dannymasterson) on Dec 25, 2014 at 1:07pm PST