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Scientology Sunday Funnies: What Did David Miscavige Tell the Troops Last Night?

HubbardProfileOn Sundays, we enjoy revealing to you the wacky Scientology mailers and fliers that have come to us during the week.

Several of our tipsters sent us copies of the same mailer, which suggested that the event advertised in them — a shindig that happened last night — was a major one in Scientology-land.

In fact, we’ve been hearing for a few weeks that last night’s big event was something of a watershed moment as Scientology leader David Miscavige attempts to rally his troops during one of the church’s most difficult periods.

As we pointed out earlier, the opening of an “Ideal Org” in Portland, Oregon a few weeks ago was treated as an especially major event by Miscavige. We weren’t exactly sure why. Yes, it’s true that a 1985 event in Portland was an important milestone in Scientology history, but Miscavige has been opening Ideal Orgs for a decade now. Why is this such a crucial moment?

Yesterday, video playbacks of the Portland event were shown for Scientologists around the country, as this flier attests…



This morning, your Scientologist friends and neighbors are waking up with a theta hangover after what they heard from Miscavige last night. But what about the rest of us? Thankfully, one of Mike Rinder’s sources got a preview of the show recently at Flag Land Base in Clearwater, Florida. Some highlights:

Miscavige was intro’d by Erin Banks as the person who had conceived and led the 85 battle of Portland and he is now here at the opening of the org.

…He briefly mentioned a bunch of baddies (internal) who planned to more or less overthrow the hierarchy then grab all the money for themselves (divide it up). Also said something about bankrupting the church. “take over, corrupt the tech, then close it down.”

The talk glossed over the Portland thing. Very lightly said court case was lost. Had been lot of hassles from lots of governments around the world. There were the psychs saying religion brainwashed. Deprogrammers filed law suits – government call the people filing these “government agents or informants” so they got immunity (this was also said to have happened with others) including “apostates” (the term was used several times).

…There was a woman who did a few weeks on a comm course and she testified against the church – anybody could testify.. 11 week trial. 17 may 1985 judgment was handed down. $39 million.

The overall flow and tone was quite light (where were the strong emotional moments I had heard about?) – all just brushed lightly over – emotion conspicuous by its absence.

…OUR TIME IS NOW – full momentum (all said very quietly and calmly and pie faced).

Planetary lift-off – Ideal Orgs just like this one.


Hm. An all-hands-on-deck event so Miscavige can pitch his Ideal Orgs program — more than a decade since the high-pressure program began. What does that say? We’d like to hear your opinions. To us, it feels like yet another sign of desperation.

We’re also disappointed that we missed this rocking event in Los Angeles on Friday. Who couldn’t use an IAS update?


We can’t get enough of these miraculous claims for the efficacy of the RON Encyclopedia. Hey, didn’t the church already convince its followers that their donations had put a set of these books into every library on earth? And yet they are encouraged to buy even more! There are so many “opinion leaders” who need these books!


Remember the Basics? These were re-issues of L. Ron Hubbard’s essential Scientology texts from the 1950s, repackaged with fewer semicolons and revealed in 2007. For about a year, every single Scientology staff member was expected to move heaven and earth to sell multiple copies of these $3,000 packages of books and lectures.

Six years later, there’s still a feeble effort to get these books sold. Can you use another four or five sets to add to the collection in your garage?


Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those mailers and fliers coming!


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Posted by Tony Ortega on June 2, 2013 at 07:00

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