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Scientology Sunday Funnies: What Did David Miscavige Tell the Troops Last Night?

HubbardProfileOn Sundays, we enjoy revealing to you the wacky Scientology mailers and fliers that have come to us during the week.

Several of our tipsters sent us copies of the same mailer, which suggested that the event advertised in them — a shindig that happened last night — was a major one in Scientology-land.

In fact, we’ve been hearing for a few weeks that last night’s big event was something of a watershed moment as Scientology leader David Miscavige attempts to rally his troops during one of the church’s most difficult periods.

As we pointed out earlier, the opening of an “Ideal Org” in Portland, Oregon a few weeks ago was treated as an especially major event by Miscavige. We weren’t exactly sure why. Yes, it’s true that a 1985 event in Portland was an important milestone in Scientology history, but Miscavige has been opening Ideal Orgs for a decade now. Why is this such a crucial moment?

Yesterday, video playbacks of the Portland event were shown for Scientologists around the country, as this flier attests…

 
PortlandEvent

 
This morning, your Scientologist friends and neighbors are waking up with a theta hangover after what they heard from Miscavige last night. But what about the rest of us? Thankfully, one of Mike Rinder’s sources got a preview of the show recently at Flag Land Base in Clearwater, Florida. Some highlights:

Miscavige was intro’d by Erin Banks as the person who had conceived and led the 85 battle of Portland and he is now here at the opening of the org.

…He briefly mentioned a bunch of baddies (internal) who planned to more or less overthrow the hierarchy then grab all the money for themselves (divide it up). Also said something about bankrupting the church. “take over, corrupt the tech, then close it down.”

The talk glossed over the Portland thing. Very lightly said court case was lost. Had been lot of hassles from lots of governments around the world. There were the psychs saying religion brainwashed. Deprogrammers filed law suits – government call the people filing these “government agents or informants” so they got immunity (this was also said to have happened with others) including “apostates” (the term was used several times).

…There was a woman who did a few weeks on a comm course and she testified against the church – anybody could testify.. 11 week trial. 17 may 1985 judgment was handed down. $39 million.

The overall flow and tone was quite light (where were the strong emotional moments I had heard about?) – all just brushed lightly over – emotion conspicuous by its absence.

…OUR TIME IS NOW – full momentum (all said very quietly and calmly and pie faced).

Planetary lift-off – Ideal Orgs just like this one.

…A PERSONAL VIDEO SALES PITCH FOR IDEAL ORGS FROM DEAR LEADER HIMSELF.

Hm. An all-hands-on-deck event so Miscavige can pitch his Ideal Orgs program — more than a decade since the high-pressure program began. What does that say? We’d like to hear your opinions. To us, it feels like yet another sign of desperation.

We’re also disappointed that we missed this rocking event in Los Angeles on Friday. Who couldn’t use an IAS update?

 
LAIAS

 
We can’t get enough of these miraculous claims for the efficacy of the RON Encyclopedia. Hey, didn’t the church already convince its followers that their donations had put a set of these books into every library on earth? And yet they are encouraged to buy even more! There are so many “opinion leaders” who need these books!

 
LRHRuinLRHRuin2

 
Remember the Basics? These were re-issues of L. Ron Hubbard’s essential Scientology texts from the 1950s, repackaged with fewer semicolons and revealed in 2007. For about a year, every single Scientology staff member was expected to move heaven and earth to sell multiple copies of these $3,000 packages of books and lectures.

Six years later, there’s still a feeble effort to get these books sold. Can you use another four or five sets to add to the collection in your garage?

 
BasicsSuccess1BasicsSuccess2

 
Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those mailers and fliers coming!

 
——————–

Carol Nyburg Continues Her Escape Story

More from Karen de la Carriere and Angry Gay Pope…

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on June 2, 2013 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, please e-mail our webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

 

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  • jensting

    “I know of no man who has any monopoly upon [sic] the wisdom…” Oh, go on, Ron! Don’t be so modest!!

    The watch-David-“he is NOT insane!”-Miscavige–on-video event was apparently talked up and shrouded in relatively high security. Leaving only one question: WHY? Ironic in France, for instance, where the threat from the outside is anything but historic and self-congratulating backwardsness is just one more losing strategy from the CoB.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Ron did not have a monopoly on wisdom. He held the copyright, in perpetuity.

      A fine distinction, but one that CoS lawyers truly appreciate.

  • John P.

    Miscavige video shown to troops: You know Miscavige is talking about the ultimate evil plot when he talks about how the epic Battle of Portland was about overthrowing “baddies” who wanted to grab all the money and divide it up. Of course, that’s the most squirrel-like anti-Scientology plot ever. Scientology always been about looking out for Number One. There’s only one big winner and everyone else gets $50 per week for life. Miscavige followed right in Hubbard’s footsteps when he grabbed all the money and didn’t divide it up with any confederates. Yep, DM is 100% “on Source.”

    The comments you reprinted make me inordinately curious to see a video of the actual speech. As Mark Bunker’s video shows, they turned down the volume on Miscavige so that Mark Bunker couldn’t get an audio track on his tape. Without the “rattle your fillings” 140db amplification, Miscavige probably mumbles and shuffles through the presentation and sounds even more inept and unconvincing than usual. It would be fascinating to see what it looks like when he’s flat and unemotional. I’m guessing this will be a new low for a Miscavige presentation, which leads me to wonder why they’re hyping it so much.

    LA Ideal Org IAS Event: I like how all the pictures on the left are about psychiatry but none of the text is about peddling drugs to kids. I’d particularly be interested to hear Dave Kluge’s viewpoint on how “we are restoring our rights and freedoms.” What rights and freedoms, exactly, have been taken away from Scientologists in the last 50 years? Are they on the cusp of being freed from FEMA labor camps? Are they on the cusp of no longer having to wear a big “S” on their clothes and forced to drive in cars with special license plates identifying themselves as Scientologists so the wog world can discriminate against them? And what, pray tell, did Hubbard say about “Constitutional destruction”? Will we be hearing 60-year-old rants about Communists and SMERSH? I can hardly wait.

    Ron Series: This one has the best grammar goobers yet: “he origination that he had no idea we had some many social betterment programs” sounds like this was written by a relatively new speaker of English. But apparently the staff is too thin for even the most basic proofreading — even the Microsoft Word grammar checker would have caught that.

    The best part is the banal and pointless Hubbard quote: “If things were a little better known and understood, we would all lead happier lives.” Yep, that sounds like the same brilliant mind that launched the 21 obvious principles in “The Way to Happiness.” But wait, there’s more: “And there is a way to know them and there is a way to freedom.” Fourth grade philosophizing at its finest.

    The Basics: Let’s see if I understand the idea: read The Basics at the same time you do all that self-auditing on OT VII. You are spending hundreds of dollars per hour to invent an interminable series of dead space cooties clinging to your skin, coming up with biographical back story for each of them, and then clinging to your e-meter to get rid of them, when you are on breaks from working so hard to dissociate yourself from reality, you will then plow into hundreds of hours of Hubbard’s bizarre ad lib lectures on all sorts of topics (like the history of computers in the 1950s, my personal fave) and trying to assimilate his turgid prose about a never-ending series of knitting-needle abortions. And out of this, you become “a free being.” Yeah, I get how that works!

    • Missionary Kid

      It appears that Miss Cabbage is following the Source of all things turgid, The Hub, while he becomes even more incoherent.

      Shorn of dogma, catchphrases, and acronyms, all that’s left is a word salad that has no meaning from either LRH or DM.

    • Racnad

      On the “baddies trying to overthrow the church”: One of the HCOBs on spotting Suppressive persons says that the SPs communicate in generalities, while the non-SPs use specific details. When you read official COS accounts of the early/mid-80s, it’s about unnamed SPs, psyches and apostates plotting to take over Scientology for their own selfish ends, with no detail on who they were and how they did it. Histories of this period by Jon Atack & others are rich in detail & names. There is an old saying that when you point fingers at someone, you have three fingers pointed at yourself. This applies well to Miscavage.

      • Poison Ivy

        “Projection” ( a term of the evil psychs!) is alive and well among Scientologists, and yes, it was rich among LRH’s writings as well.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      I agree about that Hubbard quote.
      I tried really hard to suss out some kind of lucid meaning in that crap and as usual came up empty.
      Why I keep trying, I will never know!

    • ThetaBara

      They are hyping it so much bc they have to. Who’d dare tell Miss Cabbage no?!

      • richelieu jr

        Shelley, apparently… Possibly Hubbard… And look what happened to them!

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      COB RTC David Miscavige is pleased to announce that Prancercise, the latest exercise dance craze, is coming to all Ideal Org Fundraisers!

      http://cdn0.dailydot.com/uploaded/images/original/2013/5/29/prancercise-whit-bkgr.gif

      • Captain Howdy

        So that’s what Shelly has been secretly working on in seclusion ?

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          Shelly?

          Who?

      • richelieu jr

        Love you long time!

      • coonellie

        Her knickers are way too tight…obscenely so. I think I’ll stick to rowing, thanks.

      • Observer

        This is simultaneously hypnotic and unsettling.

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          COB finds it…very stimulating.

          COB is getting jiggy with it front of the big mirrors in his workout room.

      • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

        I have decided to start responding to you in one of my earth-bound forms …

    • richelieu jr

      “even the Microsoft Word grammar checker would have caught that.”

      it probably didn’t recognize that word soup as English…

      I swear, when I read some of these things it reminds em f when I was learning English and I would be tired and sentences would kind of look like Scientology-ese…

    • richelieu jr

      ” I’d particularly be interested to hear Dave Kluge’s viewpoint on how “we are restoring our rights and freedoms.””

      As I said above, I really believe this section as all about pandering to Tea-Party types who might make the mistake of assuming the $cilons give ac up about “Amurkuh” and the ‘constertution’… They’re taking a page from the Mormon playbook here, IMO.

  • Missionary Kid

    Tony and the Bunker had it right all along.

    The Huffington Post issued an update on the “Tom Cruise Dating?” story: “A source for the Huffington post tells us that the man photographed below is anti-Scientology rapper Tiziano Lugli, not Cruise, as photo agency Pacific Coast News has him currentily identified.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/tom-cruise-dating-mystery-woman_n_3367353.html?utm_hp_ref=tom-cruise

    • Sunny Sands

      There is a TC fan on Facebook who has posted a pic of himself and Tom taken at Chateau Marmont on Friday night. No one else is photographed or mentioned as being Tom’s date. Not of earth shattering importance, but he was probably there.

      • Missionary Kid

        The picture in the Huffpo does have the woman’s legs covered in white leggings. You can’t tell from the video on TMZ what color they are. It’s also shot from the other side.

        Who knows. Did the “fan” seem to be a $cion on their FB page?

        • Sunny Sands

          No, not a scilon at all. My relative is his fb friend, and reposted it to their page.

          • Missionary Kid

            Thanks

  • Bleuler

    Our Ultimate Victory sounds an awful lot like Endsieg to me, you know the drivel that Goebbels kept spewing even as russian soldiers were within spitting distance of Berlin.

    • Missionary Kid

      Denial is not a river in Africa, but self-delusion is a key part of $cientology.

      • FistOfXenu

        Standard tech they learn with yrs of auditing and TRs and all the rest.

    • Captain Howdy
    • FistOfXenu

      I’ve been thinking about this too. The poster says “A history that nobody has ever heard
      our ultimate victory – one time presentation” but what’s “our ultimate victory” got to do with anything? Is it the history nobody ever heard? Can’t anybody close to DM tell him his good ship LOLsipop looks like the last hours of the Titannic and THAT’S why nobody’s ever heard of this ultimate victory?

      DM, your cult is a disaster! And the reason it’s a 1 time presentation is that if you say it too many times even people mainlining the clam aid are gonna start laughing at you but then they’ll all be gone and the last time you give it Bubba’s gonna be the only 1 there and your yapping won’t be what he likes about you.

      Tick tock, Davey.

      • stateofcircle

        What exactly IS the ‘ultimate victory’? Is it taking over the world? Is it getting rid of psychiatry? Is it having their “tech” being used as the primary means in business and government? Is it existing another year without being shut down? The only things I can think of having any sort of “victory” over – and it is a mental stretch to rationalize – is being victorious in closing real estate transactions (and ‘victorious’ basically means “completed” in this sense), or victoriously shipping boxes of books to libraries (again, ‘victorious’ being an over-inflated way to say “this is something that we did”) …. yeah, that’s really all I can think of. There’s a lot of throwing around of the word “victory” with no context.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          See: “Mission Accomplished.”

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Ex-actly. The other aspect of this I find amusing is the CoS hope (apparently) that Marty and Tony’s followers will end up going after each other– you know, just like the Americans and Russians were supposed to do over the rooftops of Berlin. But we all now how that one actually ended up, don’t we…

    • Bradley Greenwood

      Why are WE in the “bunker”? 😉

  • Missionary Kid

    What’s the new OTVIII, Karen Dale’s position at the Delphi Academy? Is she registrar, principal, or what?

    • Observer
    • Phil McKraken

      Whatever it is, her crediting her own use of Basics for improving attendance at the school is the height cherry picking. Another gem from the Hubbard School of Statistical Fallacy.

      • Missionary Kid

        I took enrollment to mean signing people up, not attendance. Either way, it’s sad.

        • Phil McKraken

          Oh yes, I see. In any case, why are rising enrollment numbers a goal worthy of trumpeting? I think Ms. Dale let slip something juicy here — even for a “head of school,” wins are made in the sales arena. Quality of education is entirely beside the point.

          • Missionary Kid

            Exactly.

          • grundoon

            Enrollment is one of the school’s most important stats because it determines their revenue.

    • OTFriend

      Karen Dale is an embarrasment at Delphi. She is surrounded by a cadre of OT VIIIs who fawn all over her, while meanwhile turning the school into an IAS style begging machine.

      A couple of years ago she called in all the parents to tell them that the school was bankrupt and had to sell the building and move. No uproar was allowed – it would be entheta. Then – after hard sell fundraising was done – magically no move and it was never discussed again.

      Where did the money go???

      And the improved enrollment? Rich Asian exchange students who come to the US to learn English.

      She is blindly full of herself, and absolutely useless as a head of school.

      • Missionary Kid

        Oh, but she’s perfectly useful…at extracting money.

      • stateofcircle

        Moar, moar! The Delphi schools have always fascinated me and I would love to hear more inside information about them (I’ve read everything I can at places like Ex-Scn kids). How do Sciloons afford to send their kids there if they’re spending all of their money on courses? And theres a few schools around the country and a bunch in CA, so what is the non-Scn population like and how the hell do they get people to send their kids there for any length of time?

        I would LOVE it if Tony did a piece on them. I remember reading an article about how they, like every Scn group, just publishes lie after lie after lie, like their accreditations that don’t exists, claims that a ton of their kids got accepted to Ivy’s when, in reality, a lot of the kids either haven’t actually graduated, are not eligible to apply because of Delphi’s (lack of) accreditation, or, per the college admissions departments which keep detailing records of the students who apply and the schools they applied from, no applications where even received from Delphi students.

        • RMycroft

          A while ago, a Delphi exec said that they like to have wogs kids at the school, because it gives the Scientologist kids someone to practice on. (I believe that’s in A Piece of Blue Sky somewhere.)

          • Gus_Cox

            Possible, but doubtful. At least in Oregon. Scientology is kept more low-key there (no SO recruiting teams, etc.). Delphi accepts non-scientology kids and always has. Besides, if they didn’t, they’d probably go broke – there aren’t enough Scilons left who can afford Delphi.

            • RMycroft

              Here’s the quote, which was from Oregon:

              The headmaster of Delphi, in Oregon, has claimed that children who are not educated in Scientology schools are being “psychwashed” by the educational system. Further, he has said that Delphi wants non-Scientologist children so that the Scientology children, who are being trained to become leaders, can gain experience in dealing with “wogs.” 1

              1. Alan Larson circular letters, 17 June 1985, 19 August 1987
              http://www.religio.de/books/atack/bs9-3.htm

        • Gus_Cox

          Delphi’s credits are given “collectively,” that is, any kid from any Delphi getting accepted somewhere is used by the local Delphi for promotional value. Most of the kids who go on to college graduated from Oregon, which is the only Delphi that’s worth a crap. Nevertheless, Delphi Egypt or wherever will happily say “oh, several of our graduates are off at Yale just now.”

      • Gus_Cox

        Jeezus, they’re still working that angle? Delphi Oregon did that in the ’80s. Oregon doesn’t seem to need the ESL kids anymore, but I guess the satellite Delphis do.

  • BosonStark

    About the internal baddies who were going to overthrow the “church,” that sounds like the group that Rinder and Miscavige were a part of concocting to deceive Gerry Armstrong. Why they thought Gerry would be swayed by Hubbard loyalists is another question but…

    If Rinder’s report is true, instead of usual litany of stats and blah, blah, blah, this speech contained some paranoia which probably would be COMEDY GOLD — real LRH-style paranoia, but Miscavige’s own. As much a chip off the old crock that Miscavige has become, he’s never come close to Hubbard’s paranoia and general lunacy in his “lectures,” — so for Miscavige to let his own paranoia surface in a speech like this, by going on about “apostates” too much, that would be hilarious. Someone has to get a transcript at least.

    • RMycroft

      The promos were quite adamant that this was a ONE TIME showing. So that really means one time until the next time. Eventually a copy is going to go to every org when he feels the need to boost morale and control damage.

    • Observer

      “Chip off the old crock”–love it!

    • Captain Howdy

      It sounds like the same speech he gave at the Portland opening.It was chock full of historical paranoia about conspiracies, deprogramming, FBI, CIA, IRS etc.

  • Observer

    Winning Portland: Yes, this all sounds just as true as it did for Charlie Sheen when he was bellowing “WINNING!” every time a camera was pointed at him.

    LA IAS event: There they go again, “restoring our rights and freedoms” while their slaves set work 100-hour weeks. And my eyes got stuck pointing backward from the involuntary roll they did at the thought of LRH, Constitutional Scholar, bloviating about constitutional destruction. Let me guess–everyone since the Founding Fathers had a huge MU on the whole thing and Ron, Savior of Mankind, was the only one who could truly interpret and uphold it. Also, Kluge is something of a misnomer for a Scientologist. In German it means intelligent, wise, judicious, sensible. Here’s hoping he eventually lives up to his name and blows.

    Nutterpedia: “I know no man who has any monopoly upon the wisdom of this universe. Except me.”

    Basics Success: Karen Dale – ” … in that New OT VII gradiently puts you at cause over life and so do the Basics.” So why spend all the $$ on New OT VII if the Basics do the same things? Oh, right, the giant gaudy certificate.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Actually, it is the Mormons who will one day save America when the Constitution “hangs by a thread.” I cannot imagine what place the CoS will have in THAT new world order.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Horse_Prophecy

      • Casabeca

        Truly scary!

    • grundoon

      Ron the Constitutional Scholar…

      So desperate has Man become that he will buy almost any ideology whether it is communism or druidism. He will buy the garbage of Marx and even write it unsuspectingly into the United States Constitution under the heading of “Income Tax.” – Professional Auditors Bulletin No. 81, 24 April 1956, “Purpose”

      Please write the enclosed letter to (1) your leading local paper, and (2) your representatives in Congress. … Dear ____: There comes a time in the history of any country when tax collection activities become a disease that its economy cannot bear. Such a disease is ordinarily healed by revolt, inflation, or financial collapse. The primary source of disintegration in all governments, whether ancient Egypt or modern America, is tax voracity or abuses. While fighting a cold front with Communism the US is violently co-operating with Communist aims by destroying her individual confidence and initiative with a Marxist tax reform. The basic principles of US income tax were taken from “Das Kapital” and are aimed at destroying capitalism. Unless the US ceases to co-operate with this Red push, Communism could win in America. … America can no longer afford the deadly disease of economic punishment in the name of income tax. This, more surely than H-bombs is destroying her future. The aim of the Kremlin is to destroy the US economic system. In 1911, the US altered her constitution to admit a Marxist tax principle. This was the first germ of the present economic disease. It can be handled in such a way as to save civilisation or it can be ignored with the consequence of total destruction. – HCO BULLETIN OF 18 JULY 1959, “INCOME TAX REFORM”

      The reason a democracy or any wide open group caves in lies in its extending its privileges of membership to those who seek to destroy it. The idiocy of doing so is plain. When a person announces he is no longer part of a group, he has rejected the group. He has also rejected its codes and rules. Of course he has also rejected the protection to which he was entitled as a group member. Democracy always faces this problem and so far never solved it. The constitution of the US permits people to refuse to testify if it would incriminate them (5th Amendment). Yet it sits by in courts letting people who are pledged to overthrow the government yet use their privilege to invoke the 5th Amendment. Idiocy is the right word for it. It does not make sense to extend the protection of the group to the person seeking to destroy the group. That’s like encouraging a disease. Hence we have a Fair Game Law. – HCO POLICY LETTER OF 17 MARCH 1965 Issue II, “FAIR GAME LAW”

      • Observer

        So then, by Elron’s own words Scientology should be Fair Gamed since they have declared themselves separate from and far, far above wog society.

      • Phil McKraken

        “When a person announces he is no longer part of a group, he has rejected the group. He has also rejected its codes and rules. Of course he has also rejected the protection to which he was entitled as a group member.”

        There it is in some of the plainest English Hubbard ever penned: Scientology is a protection racket.

  • Richard Grant

    Isn’t there something rather sinister about this quote, from the “origination” police guy in Germany?

    “He told us that there are groups in his area that are really suppressing his city and he needed to get rid of them.

    “We have now met with him several times and through the technology of our social betterment activities, we are helping him handle the problems of his city with real solutions!”

    It’s not hard to imagine what kind of real solution we’re talking about.

    • Peter

      I keep wondering about Dwarfenfuhreur’s gnashing of teeth knowing there are so many well camouflaged apostates regularly exposing and reporting on everything he wants kept hush-hush! Must be driving him crazier than he already is…if that’s possible.

    • tetloj

      thank Xenu he didn’t say final solution

  • Sunny Sands

    Portland ideal org opening flyer…still shamelessly copyright infringing the Girl Scouts logo.

  • Phil McKraken

    I nominate for adverb of the year: Gradiently

    • Poison Ivy

      As adverbs go, it’s a doozy.

    • mirele

      More like adverb abuse of the year.

    • Espiando

      That would mean that “gradient” is a verb, and…it’s Sunday and I haven’t had enough coffee yet to contemplate the ramifications of this.

      • Phil McKraken

        No, gradient ain’t a verb, at least not yet. Let’s break down this sentence:

        “The Basics paralleled my New OT VII gains, in that New OT VII gradiently puts you at cause over life and so do the Basics.”

        First off, gradiently is modifying the verb to put. The next noteworthy feature is the Shermanesque “in that” to begin a stem-winder of a dependent clause. Dispensing with questions of grammar and diction, and moving on to content, do these people ever friggin’ have anything to say? How many times and in how many ways can you proclaim “cause over life?” I bet if we were to be able to read through Ms. Dale’s entire compendium of “wins,” it would be littered with countless claims of “cause over life.” It’s like a mantra. Ten stock phrases. Repeat ad nauseam. Once in a while, add your own flair, a la “gradiently.”

    • tetloj

      at cause over grammar

  • sugarplumfairy

    hmmmm.. the hero shot of lrh looking out over the vast wog territory that he wants to “clear”.. I sooo want to smack him off that ledge..

    • BuryTheNuts2

      We have got to get you an “LRH punching bag” so you can work through these violent tendencies and get cardio at the same time!

      • sugarplumfairy

        Lol.. I like it..

      • Missionary Kid

        Let’s see. For merchandise, we have Not Clear rings, and now LRH punching bags.

        • John P.

          Which punching bag design would the Bunkerites prefer? The one with the giant sebaceous cyst on the forehead, or the one with Hubbard dressed in drag during his sessions in Rhodesia channeling Cecil Rhodes?

          • FistOfXenu

            Don’t see why they can’t be combined for the Super Powers Ideal Punchbag(TM) line of products.

            For only $8,500

          • sugarplumfairy

            Oh, with giant sebaceous cyst.. absolutely.. In fact, maybe whenever a particularly ferocious kick is delivered, the cyst could light up brightly and alarm loudly!! Yah.. I like that..

          • Missionary Kid

            The first is better, but why not both? One printed on one side and the other on the other. LRH was two-faced, so it’s appropriate.

            It could also be done in the Bobo inflatable toy style that is weighted on the bottom so that when knocked down, it pops back up, ready for another smackdown.

            The only problem is that the visage of LRH might create so much agita that users might have a hard time looking at it. Perhaps, a sleeping mask could be an option so one wouldn’t have to look at it when pounding the shit out of it.

            The mask could also be used at parties in a hit the ronnie game.

          • Chocolate Velvet

            Whichever, it has to croon “Thank You For Listening”as motivationto punch really hard!

  • Vistaril

    L Ron Hubbard wrote lots. Of all his writings, the one which Scientologists read and adhere to the most is “Keeping Scientology Working, Series 1”. I wonder whether or not at the LA Org IAS event Dave Kluge will make mention of L Ron Hubbard’s wisdom from that document . . .

    . . . And I don’t see that popular measures, self-abnegation and democracy have done anything for Man but push him further into the mud. Currently, popularity endorses degraded novels, self-abnegation has filled the Southeast Asian jungles with stone idols and corpses, and democracy has given us inflation and income tax . . .

    . . . Scientology’s position on “constitutional destruction” is “the sooner the better” because L Ron Hubbard “scripture” requires that very thing.

  • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

    It didn’t sound like an L.Ron good roads, good weather speech. In one of those old statements by L.Ron he said that Scientology was “winning on all fronts” and that Scientology was no longer illegal in any part of the world. At the time he said that, a good forty years ago, I had no idea that it had been illegal in any part of the world until L. spilled the beans. His statement made me suspicious and it had been poorly calculated.

    Reading of Miscavige’s comments, I am still not absolutely sure if they were referring to the court case in Portland or to what is happening right now. Years ago, from his point of view, there were bad guys who had been cult members that wanted a huge amount of money from the church. If the tech were among it’s assets they would have wanted a value placed on that too. Eventually, other bad guys would sue for what was left, the cult’s assets would be dismantled, real estate would be sold, book rights would be sold. Squirrel auditors would advertise with handbills on lamposts around the defunct orgs, and all, in all, it would become the middle ages for Scientology.

    From my point of view, it would have been cause to sing, “Happy Days are Here Again”, but I can see how Miscavige could feel otherwise.

    Well, today things aren’t much different. The squirrels are circling the fort. They want government action, court punishment, payoffs, book deals and, in the case of Rathbun and Rinder, to set up a parallel sect.

    I imagine that there is so much consternation he had to say something. But I also imagine that no one will really tell him how bad it is. The question becomes not, “What was Miscavige thinking?, so much as, “What was the assembled multitude thinking when they heard him?”

    At Passover the Jews say, ” in each generation, there are those that rise up against us to destroy us”. I think Miscavige would like his followers to think something similar.

  • ze moo

    Dave Miscavige leading the troops with his charisma?? I’ve seen turnips with more charisma…

  • George Layton

    Postulate your future by changing your past.

  • Espiando

    I wonder how that Ron quote in the Basics flyer will sit with Marty studying quantum mechanics, whose own Basics is this statement: “Nothing can be measured with certainty”. And why do I have the feeling that whoever chose that LRH quote for the Dissem flyer is being introduced to his new buddies on the RPF today? What kind of mental gymnastics do Scientologists actually have to perform to reconcile that quote with KSW?

  • Observer

    ..

    • BosonStark

      This is perfect — the flag saddle and everything. If only this could have been sent out with the standard cult email for the Portland Org opening.

    • Poison Ivy

      Brilliant!

    • Espiando

      It looks like DM’s wearing a pair of one of those trousers that Kansai Yamamoto designed for Bowie during the Aladdin Sane period. Better to hide the stilts he’s obviously wearing, I guess.

      • Observer

        The original pic has Abe Lincoln riding the bear and holding up the Constitution. What looks like trousers is his long, tailed coat. I really wanted to use the pic of Reagan on a velociraptor but it wouldn’t have worked.

        • Casabeca

          Brilliant, as usual!

    • stillgrace

      OMG, Observer! Your vision and skills continue to amaze me!

    • A new and improved rewritten history that has never been heard because we waited almost 30 years to tell you until after everyone who was there had blown or knew better than to dispute our “facts”.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. A history no one has ever heard.. Only in the co$.. where history can be distorted, revamped, tweaked and redesigned at will..

      • Observer

        Or just pulled out of someone’s nether regions …

  • aquaclara

    It’s wonderful to see Carol open up to Karen about her experiences at Flag and in attempting to extricate herself physically and emotionally from the COS. I love seeing her confidence increase with each video.

    I hope she is doing well in her new life. At least you know that while doing these tapings, Karen and AGP must be keeping her well stocked with hugs, tissues and hope.

  • Espiando

    So, a contribution to our Sunday nausea as I promised a couple of days ago…

    Background first: since John hasn’t allowed me access to Global Capitalism HQ’s private fleet, I have to fly commercial. I prefer going out of Chicago Midway Airport for a couple of reasons: 1) When you’re charging clients for travel expenses, best to keep them low. That means Southwest, which essentially has taken over Midway. 2) I grew up close to there, and can thus save more money by utilizing Mom’s Free Parking and Courtesy Taxi. So, I was flying out to Florida a week and a half ago and saw this at their bookstore. The mind boggled so much that I couldn’t get my phone out to snap a picture. Last week, when heading out to LA, I was hoping against hope that this was gone. No, it wasn’t. So picture it was, to share with all of you.

    I am never buying anything at this bookstore again.

    http://imageshack.us/a/img254/6392/img20130529195341a.jpg

    • VickiStubing

      It doesn’t look like they’re selling too quickly. Guess Grant sold his soul to Co$ for nothing.

      • Espiando

        The display looked identical on both occasions. I can only hope the ones still on the shelves inside hadn’t moved.

    • Phil McKraken

      Strange book title. It reads to me like “Screw them before they screw you.”

      • BuryTheNuts2

        If Grant wrote it…that is what it means.

      • FistOfXenu

        Makes me think of this

        • Phil McKraken

          That rocks! As Homer Simpson would say, it’s funny because it’s true!

    • stateofcircle

      Reading his Wikipedia page is like reading an IAS email. Wikipedia needs to add “Scientoloongese” to their translation pages.

  • Racnad

    So who is implementing LRH solutions in their city after being so impressed by the Ron Series? Oh, it’s “An executive in the police department of a major German city.” Scientology copy writing 101: Keep it vague so no one can verify the story, or show the officials you’re working with the real story of Scientology.
    ***
    “I know of no man who has a monopoly on the wisdom of the universe…” Really! It’s plain from reading Scientology literature that L. Ron Hubbard is said to own this monopoly!
    ***
    On the Basics: A family member who is still in the Church has a spare room containing multiple copies of various LRH books & lectures, many of them still in shrink wrap (and there’s a few more in the trunk of this person’s car). Survey for the ex’s: How many copies of some LRH books & lectures were you persuaded to buy for yourself?

  • EnthralledObserver

    Karen Dale, New OT VIII called herself a PC? Hmmmm…
    And how’s this for mistakes… all in one sentence: “While going through the volume, he origination that he had no idea that we had some many social betterment programs and asked for further information on each of our programs.”
    And also… one of their “social betterment” programs is getting rid of ‘suppressive groups’ from cities??? Psychs?? Druggies?? Declared SP’s??

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      I am still not nearly as knowledgeable about the intricacies of the CoS Bridge climbing, so I also wondered why someone who just completed OTVIII referred to herself as a PC.

      • stateofcircle

        That puzzles me too. I’ve seen Sciloons referring to themselves or others as PC’s when they are clear or OT, and my guess is that it’s just used as a general term for an insane person.

  • BosonStark

    Here’s a general tone-level sex guide for Sea Org members:

    -1 Sex with yourself.
    -2 Sex with your spouse to be.
    -3 Sex with a dog, chicken or other farm animal.
    -4 Sex with a wog.
    -5 Sex with a wog of the same sex.
    -6 Sex with a Merchant of Chaos (when not on an Operation).

    -7 Sex with an SP.
    -34 Sex with Marty Rathbun.

    • ze moo

      All of them need the asterisk.

    • media_lush

      indeed

  • Poison Ivy

    Great Sunday Funnies.

    I am so curious now about the COB event. Why was he so low-key? This is not the Davey we know and love! Need more dirt on this one!

    So, I’m ashamed to say that MrPoisonIvy (a gifted filmmaker) and myself saw “After Earth” last night. We could not resist. I hated adding to the opening weekend box office, but it underperformed anyway, so it’s not like two more tickets sold could make it worse.

    There were only about 15 people in the theater, prime time on a Saturday night.

    I have to say, I really didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. The promos didn’t look that awful. It was abjectly terrible. Terrible script. And visually so FLAT! For a $130 million dollar movie, it looked more like an old episode of Star Trek. ( Without the pace, unforgettable characters and intriguing stories. )

    From a directoral perspective, it was awful. FLAT. Every shot was stiff and static; almost no moving cameras. Dialogue scenes were cut-cut-cut. Not quick cutting, slow. Interminably slow. Lots of long, slow one shots of Jaden. Then Will. Then Jaden. Then Will. Like a film school student learning coverage. If you watch a great film, you’ll note that scenes are not always cut up in predictable ways, but the camera moves with the action, creating a narrative in itself and revealing the environment, informing the emotion. Not here. Honestly, most current network TV is shot in a much more interesting and creative way than this. And with a much more dynamic pace. And for a lot less money.

    I don’t know about Jaden; from this film, he doesn’t seem like much of an actor. But Will Smith is a really charismatic actor with a real range. To watch him in this film, you’d never know it. Lots of indicating, face acting, scowling and wincing.

    And the accents! In the credits, it listed a ‘dialect coach’ for Jaden. We wondered, what was the dialect he was being coached in? Sometimes it sounded like a bad southern accent, sometimes, a bad British accent. MrPoisonIvy thought Will was doing “They call me Mr. Tibbs.” Most of the ancillary chararacters (the rangers, etc.) did not have this accent. One of them sounded semi-Scottish.

    The production design seemed cheap as well. Totally unimaginative. The special effects were like CGI from ten years ago. The monster reminded me of a 1950’s Sci Fi monster.

    It was truly stunning. For a 100 minute movie, it felt like 3 hours.

    Here’s what Nicki Finke has to say:

    “… It opened to a $26.5M weekend.
    That’s way less than the high $30sM to low $40sM which Sony was predicting and which tracking showed was possible right into Friday. On Friday, rival studios chortled its grosses were ”2.5 times worse than Jaden Smith’s Karate Kid reboot and half of Oblivion‘s opening” with Tom Cruise. Not hard to understand because reviews for the sci-fi newcomer were just plain awful: 13% positive on Rotten Tomatoes. To be fair, Sony Pictures rarely has a big underperformer like this. And rightly or wrongly depending on how much you care about Jaden Smith and/or nepotism in Hollywood, the studio positioned the movie as a broad family film, building on Jaden’s stardom from the worldwide hit The Karate Kid and reaching out to young teens and families. Will Smith’s residual mega-wattage was still strong enough to open the summer tentpole comfortably above $20M. But even that and Sony’s marketing prowess couldn’t overcome this Shyamalan meltdown, yet another in his string of box office stinkers which have made audiences and critics alike completely soured on him. (The director lost me forever after the execrable The Happening…) I’m told that Will really wanted M Night to direct – even though this subject matter decidedly wasn’t in Shyamalan’s wheelhouse – and they together developed the script for a “not terribly expensive” movie. But a budget of at least $130M is hardly insignificant. Still, given the fact that Smith has made billions for Sony Pictures, the studio felt it just couldn’t say no to its most successful movie partner. Now Smith and Sony must weather this very public failure. I’m told the studio worked “really hard” to fix this crapfest in post-production and that even an arrogant know-it-all like Shyamalan was aware the pic didn’t work but couldn’t fix it on his own.”

    Since Will Smith is still a mega star, and as Nikki says, made billions for Sony, then one huge flop won’t kill him, I’m wondering if the Smith family will turn around, blame this on Shamalyan and effectively end M Night’s career on the A list for good?

    Anyway, it wasn’t even a fun-to-make-fun-of-bad-movie. It was simply terrible. LRon would’ve loved it.

    Oh, for ex-Scientologists, a question. I know about “root yourself in the present moment.” But there are several times in the film where Will exhorts his son to “take a knee” when he’s getting agitated. Jaden obediently goes down on one knee in a sort of sculptural pose. Is there any Scientology significance to that?

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Great post PI. I am glad to hear your review of this. I am surprised it is really that bad. I thought a lot of it was just backlash, but this movie sounds like a total film fail.

      • Poison Ivy

        It was that bad. We were sort of walking around shell-shocked after. I admit I have always really liked Will Smith onscreen and this was just startling. Also I did not expect the poor quality of the direction, even though I’ve heard horrible things behind the scenes about Shamalayan, I was such a 6th Sense fan that even after all his flops I was still sort of secretly rooting for him in my heart. That’s over. At least this film cured me of that pointless hope.

        I like good Sci-Fi as much as the next gal and the promos made me think of that documentary/book “life after humans” and the Gaia theory, with humans as a parasite on the planet that eventually finds its way of curing itself of us. When in the promo I heard “Everything on earth has evolved to kill humans” (even though as many have pointed out, how could that be true if humans hadn’t been there for 1000 years?)…I thought, “Maybe there’s some cool science on ways the planet could have gone about rejecting/getting rid of people?” Nope. I don’t think there was a shred of science in the film. Being chased by apes and tigers and poisoned by a leech are not signs of a smart planet’s evolution to kill a parasite species. And the scene with the giant eagle? Predates the scene in 1935’s King Kong and goes back to DW Griffeths’s first acting role in 1908.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lflJ6ZVKgo

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Great link PI.
          One can sometimes forget to appreciate things like this in today’s digital world.

        • RMycroft

          Has everything on the planet evolved to be bullet-proof? They don’t even have a survival pack with old fashioned pistol?

        • MarionDee

          Poison Ivy, can I tell you how much I adore you for referencing D.W. Griffith in “Rescued from an Eagle’s Nest”? I wrote about it in a book I wrote. It is primitive (the eagle is a stuffed bird)–but at least it’s not cynical.

          • Poison Ivy

            The eagle in After Earth is not exactly CGI brilliance, either. Made over 100 years later.

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          Poison Ivy, it appears that you and your 2D are in very rough case shape following proximal exposure to After Earth.

          COB has personally C/S’d you on this and is ordering the both of you onto the super intense After Earth Clean Up at Flag.

          This program will clean up and handle all of the engrams and trauma associated with watching this horrible film.

          We in RTC don’t normally take sides, but yes, even we are forced to candidly admit that After Earth was a real barking dog tire-biter film. We have not seen such damage to thetans since Battlefield Earth.

          After Earth was so horrendously bad and Out PR that COB threw dozens of chairs around his private screening room here at the Base and then stormed out vowing to declare Will Smith.

          The screening room is destroyed and COB has not come out of his bedroom all day.

          • John P.

            At least After Earth is one movie, not two. Otherwise, this would be the logical musical accompaniment for COB’s afternoon sulking in his quarters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5MHNvOVl8Y

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              COB does not sulk; he broods.

              Things affect him deeply.

              In addition to the Out PR of After Earth — which name COB had planned to use to launch his line of men’s colognes meant to complement his mink oil hair pomade — COB is PTP’d over the aesthetic of his Portland appearance: Was it too gay?

              http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/05-Scientology-Portland-David-Miscavige_zps90257c76.jpg

            • John P.

              Let’s put it this way: Michael Douglas would have lost his most recent movie role if DM had a couple more sequins in this picture and been seated behind a piano instead of behind that podium.

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              We in RTC call COB’s stage sets “cupcakes” and fittingly so.

              Perhaps there was a little too much icing on COB’s cupcake in Portland.

              Time to go back to the more conservative look he used in Orange County:

              http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/05-Church-of-Scientology-Orange-County-David-Miscavige_zpsfa6394c7.jpg

            • Poison Ivy

              Brilliant!

            • grundoon

              The sword radiating light at crotch height, parting the buttocks decked in roses?

              No, that’s not gay.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Oh.My.God!

              And that’s the one to go to sleep on.

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Thank you for saying so.

              It really wasn’t that gay after all.

            • Spackle Motion

              I constantly see Alfred E Newman in your posted pic.

            • Observer

              Is COB aging backward, or is this more evidence of Scilon Photoshop ineptitude? He looks about 12 in that pic. He’s wearing way too much makeup for a 12-year-old.

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!
    • Missionary Kid

      Wow. The budget makes me wonder if some of the money that was used to make the movie wasn’t overinflated like Battlefield Earth, where it somehow disappeared.

      I saw Jaden on a couple of talk shows, and, to others, he may seem self-confident, but to me, he seemed arrogant.

      I haven’t seen the movie, but to me, “take a knee” has a football connotation. It means that you’re so far ahead that to keep trying to score is useless, so you might just run out the clock. What it means in the movie will be interesting to find out.

      • Poison Ivy

        In the movie it was used in the same way as “Ground yourself in the present moment.” It was used as a way to calm Jaden down and get him to think rather than react. I was just wondering if there was a Scientology equivalent.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Sounds like TR’s and objectives to me.

          Touch that wall.

          • Poison Ivy

            There was definitely some of that feeling in the directions Will gives Jaden. Interesting also that he is tracking his heart rate and that is how he is able to catch him in a lie.

            • Missionary Kid

              Ah, yes, the heart monitor E-meter.

            • Poison Ivy

              He also has him do a sort of touch-assisty thing on himself, where he makes Jaden do a self-assessment by touching his own body.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              The thing is, it really is hard to pin any of this back directly to Scientology exclusively, for the simple reason that everything in Scientology was lifted from somewhere else.
              But there are some things that jump out as pretty obvious to me that the Smiths have at least had a few glasses of the juice.
              When Will was studying those “world religions”….obviously Scientology was one of them.

            • Poison Ivy

              The Volcano image is pretty solid, and the spaceship looks like a Hubbard DC8. You know the Smiths had input in the production design.
              It’s definitely informed/influenced by Scientology, to say the least. To say it’s a Scientology fable, maybe.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I am going to have to go watch this film now just for the lulz!
              But I gotta bake first. There is nothing better on earth than getting high and watching a truly bad movie.

          • DodoTheLaser

            Yeah, OT TR 0 minus the chair, knee is good enough.

        • Missionary Kid

          Thanks.

        • DodoTheLaser

          May be Tom talked Will out of saying “Put your TR’s in” instead.

          • DeElizabethan

            Bro, just want to thank you for the other day! <3

            • DodoTheLaser

              You are very welcome, sis! 🙂 <3

      • ze moo

        ‘Take a knee’ is a football term. It is used by the coach to give instructions to the whole team.

        • Missionary Kid

          I forgot about that one. Thanks.

    • media_lush

      “Since Will Smith is still a mega star, and as Nikki says, made billions for Sony, then one huge flop won’t kill him”

      There’s a saying in Hollywood that you’re only as good as your last movie.

      It will be very interesting to see if he’ll be allowed to headline another blockbuster or be forced down the arthouse route.

      Incidentally, can anybody find out if Gary Whitta is a scientologist as he’s the poor sap listed as the writer of this crock.

      • Poison Ivy

        Gary Whitta and M. Night, with a story credit for Will Smith. Apparently it was Will’s idea and he worked with Shamalyan on it. It is possible that Whitta wrote the first draft script, since the credit reads “Whitta AND M. Night” In Writer’s Guild code, that means the two did not work as a team but that the script was Whitta’s then rewritten by Shamalayan. To what degree it was rewritten is a matter of arbitration but it is significant that the director is in second position. Per Writer’s Guild rules, Story by is a WGA credit which means that Smith did indeed submit an original written story which was accepted by the guild (whenever a producer takes a writing credit, it is also an automatic arbitration.)

        • Poison Ivy

          Oh and Media Lush, I don’t think this will hurt Smith in terms of other blockbusters, but I think he has used up his quota of family vanity projects for Sony. Some lesser financier might still let him do it, though, considering success of Karate Kid.

          I think Sony will look more carefully at the projects Will chooses, which will be a new thing for Will. I doubt he’ll be happy about it.

          • media_lush

            I would tend to disagree re the blockbuster angle. It didn’t take long for Cruise to be ousted from Man From Uncle (pathetic scheduling excuse on movies that don’t even have a proper schedule yet). What I do find interesting is how crap you say the special FX are – this is intriguing as the film had a $150M budget, $30M more than Olivion; I haven’t seen either but at least with the Oblivion trailer you can “see” where a lot of the money went. Unless he paid his son and himself $30M each and his wife the same as a shared producer fee (with himself) you could easily imagine some creative Scientology accounting going on…… wonder if the church got any of the $150M? If I was a senior Sony exec I would put a forensic auditor ( a real one) onto this pronto.

            • ze moo

              I would bet that after seeing how Cruise started off the Jack Reacher franchise, the Man from Uncle folks saw how much baggage TC brings along and saw that they could not afford that baggage or him.

              The CO$ will get its cut from ‘After Earth’, they always do. It is probably hidden in various craft fees for the movie, CO$ don’t wait for its payoff. Shady accounting and ‘screwing your coworkers’ are Hollywood inventions. Will and Jada will have hidden what they can, I wonder if Shamalyan got a percentage. He would enjoy suing….

            • Kim O’Brien

              is Cruise going to do MORE of those Reacher movies ??? There should be a law …

            • FistOfXenu

              Reacharound Again: The Sequel

            • BuryTheNuts2

              BARF!

            • Kim O’Brien

              HA! reacharound ….i freaking love this blog

            • media_lush

              had this little dialog on THR a few days ago

            • Missionary Kid

              Aside from learning how to act, he needs to be nearly a foot taller to be the Reacher in the books.

            • Kim O’Brien

              and manly …

            • Missionary Kid

              Zing.

            • ze moo

              Jack Reacharound claims to have made money, but it did go to dvd 5 or 6 months after first run. That is fairly quick in movie time. That said, it didn’t make much money and does not seem to have the ‘legs’ for a sequel. Maybe they’ll try again with another lead???

            • Missionary Kid

              Most movies make more from video revenues than from theaters anyway.

            • Missionary Kid

              Well, a lot of the money put up for Battlefield Earth went to overstated expenses, and was never accounted for.

            • ze moo

              Unfortunately, no one sued for BE for fraud so we can’t get a good accounting. BE claimed to have made money by the time it went to DVD. I got my copy in 5 dollar bin.

              Overstated expenses and other fraud are the reason forensic accounting has become so widely taught. While perhaps a money making movie, it took a long time to get the bills paid back and the Limburger like after smell has forever tainted all who participated. I feel sorry for Barry Pepper and Forest Whitaker, they seem innocent in that matter.

            • DMSTCC

              I finally watched full BE on youtube about a month ago. It was as bad as everyone has said. The Scieloontology was oozing and I started playing Solitair 10 minutes in. I’ll probably watch AE in about 13 years on COBtube after we’ve all been cleared.

            • sister wendy

              you know a really good use for that movie? We keep it on sometimes in the studio when we are working on filing contracts to keep us alert. We use it as background noise/visuals and then get to look up and laugh at the really bad parts…it’s great this way and with a drink. There is no way to sit still while this movie is playing, it just drives people nutty insane. Anyway, it’s so bad that you don’t get sucked into it, if you have a task you are slogging through and need something to keep alert.

            • Gus_Cox

              I dared to watch it on Netflix, I think, a few months ago. It was actually worse than I thought – the opening was bad. The acting was bad. The sets were bad. The dialog was bad. Everything was bad. It was all just so bad. I couldn’t believe it.

            • Poison Ivy

              Studio accounting is legendary and brilliantly evil. Promotional costs, overhead management costs, dubbing costs, distribution costs, shipping costs, deal-making costs, phone bills, travel for sales/distribution people, stationery printing, pens and pencils, gas money, everything you can possibly think of to charge to a movie will be charged to it after the fact, so that even a huge grossing movie will be on the studio books as in the red for infinity.

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              The special effects really are poor. And some of the green screen work looks like a high school production class.

              And, yes Oblivion looked fantastic. Visually and EFX wise it was top-notch.

            • euroconnection

              L Wrong Hubturd…great name 🙂 enjoyed!

            • Poison Ivy

              Agreed. I really feel like M Night just doesn’t understand green screen technology. I worked on a super low budget Sci Fi show in the 90’s where our brilliant FX guy would create more exciting things in the conference room on no money than this movie had.

            • Poison Ivy

              Trust me, Will Smith has plenty of capitol left (like I said, a friend’s project went from languish to greenlight overnight when Will Smith simply took a meeting on it – that is real power)…this will not hurt him much in terms of casting in future blockbusters; likely it will scare studios into avoiding his vanity projects if they can do it w/out offending him. However his next film will be watched closely. The FX are terrible. Simply terrible. (Just watched a really great CBS pilot w/1000% better FX, budget probably $5 million and shooting time probably 20 days) M. Night clearly has no idea how to use a green screen. Or shoot action. The film was shot in Costa Rica, Northern California, Utah, LA and Philadelphia (where Shamalyn lives)…that can rack up the costs; moving a company so many places. Would not be surprised if the above the inflated line costs (the Smith family and Shamalyn) weighted down the budget, as you indicated. $30 million would not surprise me as Will’s fee at least, though since it was a pet project of his he may have taken a reduction. I wonder if they overpaid in CGI, or had to do several versions of CGI? The credits show a very heavy “entourage” involved as well; Jaden alone had an acting coach, a dialect coach, a couple assistants, and more all just for him. Expensive composer also – James Newton Howard. His score the best part of the movie.

              Oblivion, which I saw, had a beautiful production design and yes, you can truly see the money on the screen. Great FX; really created a believable world. Unfortunately the story was a yawn and the pace of it was snorable.

              Compared to After Earth, Oblivion could be 2001 A Space Odyssey.

            • media_lush

              “Trust me, Will Smith has plenty of capitol left”

              …. okay, let’s see

              Currently he has 5 to 6 movies in the pipeline and one apparently filming…. although a couple seem to have disappeared from imdb (Uptown Saturday Night – Denzil Washington “rumoured” and Annie (as producer) Jamie Foxx “rumoured”)… maybe it’s just a site glitch.

              If those two names remain as “rumoured” attached then he still has capitol…. if not, he’s considered toxic.

              My bet is the latter….. as I said before – we have unprecedented media coverage of how shit this movie is with about 90% putting scientology into the header or main gist of the article as well. I mean IT’S WORLDWIDE EVERYWHERE!

              I think your interpretation only works if scientology coverage in the media dies down and people start to forget about it….. and, in my opinion, that just ain’t gonna happen!

              Of the list below I would be amazed if any of the top 3 actually went ahead.

            • media_lush

              ooops, I wish ‘Edit’ on disqus would allow you to add a picture you forgot to add the first time round

            • media_lush

              Speaking of what the next potential car crashmovie starring a scientologist is likely to be I present ‘Killing Season’ ….. we all know that Robert De Niro is just going through the motions for a paycheck but how bad does a movie have to be for Nicolas Cage to pass up on it?

              [I look forward to the reviews but I have a feeling this will go straight to DVD]

          • sister wendy

            PI- how soon will Will have known it was a flop? He would have been there for dailys, final edits, etc Right? So I’m thinking he would have known before it was released how bad it was going to be….(??) If so, then he probably would have at least begun future production talks with Sony already, right? The current film already being water under the bridge.

            • Observer

              Unless he’s already developed that Scientology über ego …

            • FistOfXenu

              He already thinks he’s got a bead on the truth of education. He’s on the way.

            • sister wendy

              😉

            • Poison Ivy

              Well, Nikki Finke says the studio basically took the film away from the director and re-edited it a zillion different ways to try and get it to work (there may have been additional filming as well). So everyone knew early on that it stunk. How they didn’t fire M Night after the first week’s dailies, I’ll never know, but that’s always the question MrPoisonIvy & I ask after watching a bad movie. ” Dozens and dozens of people sat through screening after screening of this; didn’t they notice?” But when you’re in the middle of something, you sometimes cling to the image of what you wanted it to be rather than what you are seeing in front of you. I would imagine that Scientology and the idea of being “At cause” and “making it go right” would make one’s powers of denial even stronger. Also, nobody is going to tell either Will Smith or M Night that their work isn’t genius – they have the problem of the Yes Men, which can be the kiss of death.

              I’m sure Sony is already working on getting their “favor” back for doing this for him. They won’t abandon him.

              And I’m betting that the blame is going to Shamalayn, who is already on a downward spiral anyway. Will Smith, before his über control freak behavior on Karate Kid and the Men in Black three-block long mobile home debacle, was never known as a difficult actor on the set, and think about it – he’s had an almost entirely unblemished career of mega success after success after success. So even if he accepted that this film is a failure of sorts, this is going to be tough medicine for him to swallow. For all of them. Someone’s head is going to have to roll; someone is going to be sacrificed to take the blame. And it won’t be a Smith or a Pinkett.

            • sister wendy

              It sounds like it, doesn’t it? So- that mismatched director/writing combo and then maybe a bit of artist- helicopter parenting;)

            • media_lush

              “I’m sure Sony is already working on getting their “favor” back for doing this for him. They won’t abandon him.”

              I can quite easily see them abandoning him…. the guy comes with $100m baggage and even Hollywood [big established studios] doesn’t throw good money after bad.

      • richelieu jr

        That last movie stuff only counts for Directors, for the most part. Actors tend to be absolved of most disasters…

        When was Angelina Jolie’s last hit…

        • media_lush

          the rule sort of works….. her last big budget movie was The Tourist and it tanked, Salt made a small domestic profit and Wanted made a good profit…. the movies in-between were studio indulgements for the box office sign-ons. But her personae is unique and Brad is pretty up there when it comes to making money for studios. [Although his new Zombie flick might give After Earth a run for its money if rumour is to be believed.]. Their aura seems to transcend all criticism; especially as Angie is willing to go into the depths of places like Afghanistan to promote her United nations role – and don’t forget that cute photogenic family. The point is that when you think about the Smith family all you think about is Hollywood movies…. with Jolie/Pitt it’s an afterthought.

          • media_lush

            forgot to add this

          • richelieu jr

            It is that way for all huge stars? ONce you attain the stratosphere, it is yours as long as you stay relatively young and beautiful (women have to fight mu-ch harder…)
            The truth is, Angie made hardly any box office winners besides gone in 60 secs and Tomb Raider, but she was celbrity’ and wasn’t responsible for the bombs, at least in Hollywood’s eyes)… I do see your point, but the fact that remains is that if a director (with very few exceptions, cf Spielberg, 1941) make a bomb, their career is over, with actors, it might happen;. If they have history of it, have direct, younger, prettier competition, or (on the case of the ladies) is over 40 (changing, I hope!)

            • Poison Ivy

              Yeah, many huge stars get a few extra strikes (or flops) before they begin to decline. A lot of it depends on how big their hits were (in terms of $$) and how much of a brand they’ve built up. And yes, women have to fight MUCH harder. They unfortunately have a perceived shelf-life. Directors don’t get many second chances, as my family knows from experience. That’s why M Night is quite the anomaly. He made himself a brand name on two great films and one so-so but well-performing film so he’s had a long ride on the A list despite poor box office and worse criticism. If he gets the blame for this debacle, he may be at the end of his (undeserved) long lucky streak.

          • Poison Ivy

            Salt actually did okay and there are still tentative plans for Salt 2. Oh – I’m so curious about World War Z as well – apparently the first cut was unwatchable and Brad was furious (it’s a Plan B film.) So when they took on Damon Lindelof to rescue it, he cut at least 40 minutes out of the movie and completely rewrote it and they re-shot major parts of the story. (They went into production without a script the first time around!!) If he can save it or not is the question. I think Lindelof is talented but not as “deep” as he likes to think he is. But he knows how to tell a pacey story. I’m holding out some hope for this one.

            • sister wendy

              ahhh! no script!!! Ahhh! and all that money involved…I tell you- risky or what?!

        • sister wendy

          you know, I think that only true for people with an interest or involved in the biz in some way…I think most public people are clueless and tend to blame actors for a lot of the mess that producers, directors and bad writing creates. imho

    • Peter

      Of course. It’s the proper position to assume when reporting to Miss Cabbage that you failed to complete some insane mission he’d given you. Of course, the weapon would not be permitted as I’m betting he’s terrified of being physically harmed by some angry apostate!

    • BosonStark

      The best five word review might be: After Earth is beyond bad. I thought of that after reading your review and did a search for that phrase, and another person used the same line four days ago.

      I saw the Karate movie and Jaden was very good in it, and in general, it was well done.

      One of the interesting aspects I find of this is that so many critics associate Scientology with low quality crap which I don’t think they would without the combination of Battlefield Earth, and especially the news and books that have come out about Scientology recently.

      Of course, they are also picking up on knowing Jaden goes to a clam school and Will and Pinkie have donated substantially to Scientology. As others have brought up, it puts Scientologists and Will Smith in a unique position. If he keeps denying Scientology, Scientologists have to wonder, why is he doing this? He sends his son to clam school. Why can’t he speak about how proud he is of it?

      How can Scientologists themselves reconcile the growing exposure and joke factor of Scientology, and Hubbard’s background, with the idea it is going to clear the planet, especially when coupled with dwindling membership?

      For years, Scientologists in Hollywood could benefit from their club, without it being much of a liability at all. There was no pressure to answer or question abuses in the cult’s Sea Org, or in the whole system. Now there may be. Scientology is associated more and more with deceit.

      • FistOfXenu

        How about renaming the movie “After Earth: Burying the parts of $cientology we didn’t bury in Battlefield Earth”? Or just “After Battlefield Earth”?

        And we can start a contest to guess which $cientologist actor will be next to do a picture about something $ciento-illogical and about what. Extra points for getting plot points right.

        • Espiando

          Jenna Elfman, in a rom-com co-starring Giovanni Ribisi, about a woman who’s a magnet for “ghosts” or “external spirits” that are screwing up her love life (played by Anne Archer and, just for shits and giggles, Steve Martin). Ribisi plays the brave man who takes on the “ghosts” with her. Elfman and Ribisi end up falling in love, yet fail to have sex.

      • grundoon

        Then: Scientology = Top Gun
        Now: Scientology = Battlefield Earth
        How the mighty have fallen.
        The free fall continues.

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        BosonStark, if you study Will Smith’s “Film Tone Scale” you will find that beyond bad is the greatest film ever.

        This is true.

        http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/ToneScale_zpsd2b640b5.png

      • FistOfXenu

        An question comes to me if Karate Kid was a better movie and Jaden’s good performance in it was better because his dad wasn’t trying to apply $cientarCONon principles to the story and movie making. I don’t know. Personally I liked the original better anyways although I can’t say I liked either 1.

        • richelieu jr

          May just have ahd a better director. Or perhaps his dad wasn’t on the set to interfere all the time…

          • Poison Ivy

            No, Will was legendary for his micro-managing Karate Kid. I think the answer is script/director/production design. Jaden wasn’t given much to do in this film except run, cry, snivel, and raise his eyebrows. Because of how poorly all the scenes were shot, he looked ridiculous. In the hands of a better director, that might not have been the case.

            • richelieu jr

              There you go.

          • media_lush

            neither really….. it was global superstar and loved by all Jackie Chan who was the real reason for it’s success

            • richelieu jr

              Sounds both plausible..and familiar, ML!

    • stillgrace

      Thank you so much, Poison Ivy, for your well-written and insightful review. I hope it’s OK that I made a copy of it for my son to read, listing you as author. He is taking a “film review” class for his degree this summer.

      • Poison Ivy

        MrPI & I see pretty much everything and learn as much from the bad as the good. There was nothing to learn from this one either way. Truly sad.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      “…I’m wondering if the Smith family will turn around [and] blame this on Shamalyan…”

      My thoughts exactly.

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        We in RTC just received the Smith family KR identifying Shamalyan as the hidden SP behind this film disaster.

        OSA to handle…

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          So… the director of the Sixth Sense is a Third Party…?

    • villagedianne

      Maybe “take a knee” was a nod to Chistianity. Smith is probably still under the illusion that you can be a Scientologist and be a Christian too. Presumably, he is not yet indoctrinated enough to be told he can’t follow “other practices”. Or else he is just too valuable to Scientology for them to alienate him in this way. Probably the latter.

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      I too saw it last night. That weird vocal affectation bothered me the whole time too. I thought it sounded a little like LRH. Something recalled how actors and radio announcers sounded in days gone by.

      The other thing that kept pulling me out of the story was the production design. Wow, what was with all of the fabric? It looked like a Joann’s fabric store exploded around the crash site. And the Saran Wrap? WTF was that wrapped all over things for? Very odd choices. Really the worst I’ve ever seen in a big budget sci-fi film.

      • Poison Ivy

        Oh God, L Wrong! We thought the same thing! I leaned over to MrPI and said, “Somebody T-P’ed the forest” when I saw the crash site. It looked like they had just exploded a bunch of toilet paper rolls all over the trees. Reminded me of college prank night. WTF? The saran wrap was noticeable, too. Nice to know that, 1000 years after we’ve destroyed, polluted, and left a planet behind, we’ll still be finding uses for all that left over plastic wrap.

    • MarionDee

      Slate has an interesting piece on why the father-son casting sort of gives you the cooties (though it didn’t have effect in The Pursuit of Happyness): http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/05/31/after_earth_will_smith_and_jaden_smith_tell_an_off_putting_story_about_fatherhood.html

      Many of the comments point out that most action flicks turn a profit through overseas box-office, no matter what the American returns are. But from what I understand from reviews, this one is a flop in the FX department and doesn’t have many things that go boom, so it may underperform in Asia, etc., as well. (Not singling out non-English-speaking nations as stupid–it’s just that action flicks are an international language all their own.)

      Critics who didn’t pick up on the Scientology aspect still felt the dialogue was a heavy, dead bore.

      • sister wendy

        Marion- interesting article! Thanks for posting. It sounds like bad direction/writing along with some bad advice then about a breakout film for Jaden. I think the concept is interesting- and even though we prefer sophisticated special effects, if the story is good and directed well, usually people let the effects slide. Sounds like Jaden is also maybe not ready- but hard to tell if the concept was mucked up by bad writing and direction…loved the comments about the Fondas especially. I bet the Smiths are pretty disappointed about now. Getting over a flop is probably not the lesson they were planning on at this time.

        • Poison Ivy

          I think Jaden was terribly directed, or under-directed. I think the story gave him little to do as an actor. He also was all on his own, not interacting with anyone. He was charismatic in “Karate Kid” and “Happyness” and I would give him another chance in a heartbeat.

          • sister wendy

            he was charming in both of those:)

      • Poison Ivy

        You can’t call this an action flick. Shamalayan can’t direct action – it is a deadly flat picture. You really have to see it. Like I said, I was not expecting anything that bad. (Thought I’d just be sniggering at the script.) We just saw “Fast and Furious 6” Now, I hate the clichéd scripts of this franchise and I personally don’t warm to these all-action-all-the-time movies. But Justin Linn is a virtuoso action director and I could happily spend 2 hours just appreciating the brilliant stunt drivers, stunt people, action DPs and editors doing their highly specialized work and trying to figure out how they did certain things.
        There was no craftsmanship at all in After Earth to appreciate, except perhaps James Newton Howard’s score.

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today decried the psychotic SP film critics who are savaging Scientologist Will Smith’s new film After Earth…

      http://otviiiisgrrr8.com/2013/06/01/psychotic-sp-film-critics-attack-will-smiths-new-film-after-earth/#comments

    • sister wendy

      yes- after yelling at the ashtray you bow down to it on one knee.

      • sister wendy

        😉 just kidding

    • richelieu jr

      Glad you fixed what could have been a terrible insult to Star Trek… Hubbard couldn’t have gotten a job writing memos for that series…

    • richelieu jr

      As the amazing film maker Guy Madden says, ‘Cowards Bend the Knee’…

      I find you and your husband’s criticism believable and well-informed (though I would counsel against equating quick-cutting with good direction (though I don’t think that’s really what you meant))..

      As for the critic cited, however, I can’t say as much. Shymalan is certainly not blameless but the director on a film written by. produced by and starring (along with his kid) the director is not going to be the biggest swinging dick on the soundstage by far.

      Also, The Last Airbender, dire as it was, made a ton of cash… So audiences have not totally turned away from him. Do you know how to tell when audiences have turned away from a director (in Hollywood?)? He never makes another film.

      • Poison Ivy

        “…though I would counsel against equating quick-cutting with good direction”

        Of course not! Personally I am a form follows function person, not the other way around. However, pacey editing is one technique among many (including energetic camerawork and pacey scenes, among others) of creating excitement and tension in a film. This film desperately needed even an eye-dropper’s worth of either.

      • media_lush

        The Last Airbender couldn’t make it’s production budget in domestic gross… almost $20M under. For a “blockbuster” I’ve always understood that the worldwide PR budget is pretty close to the production budget…. in other words it just about came a little above breaking even. If a Hollywood produced movie can’t break even on it’s production budget then it’s considered a failure…. no amount of “foreign sales” spin changes that.

        • richelieu jr

          Usually, as generally useful rue of thumb, a film has to make twice is production budget back to break even. This is a way of guesstimating it’s publicity budget. Airbender, as I understand it, had a Domestic Total Gross: $131,772,187 on a total budget of $150 million… So, you are correct, effectively, a loss in simple domestic receipts.
          However, as I seem to have to remind people relatively often, the US is not the world (lucky for Mr Shyamalan), and 58% of its receipts were worldwide for $187,941,694 making a total worldwide gross of $319,713,881.
          In sum a hit. What’s more these figures are for the closing of the release in 2010 and include no DVD and do not include TV, BluRay and DVD sales, so a sizable one ‘#2 for the year by some estimates.)
          Shyamalan is hated and has been making shitty films, but few have been out-and our financial disasters, therefore he continues. No one care what critics think, that’s for sure, for better or worse.
          (all figures from BOX OFFICE MOJO)

  • Truthiwant

    I have written a bed time story fable.

    You can read it here

    http://wp.me/p3a0JR-8y

  • BuryTheNuts2

    “…He briefly mentioned a bunch of baddies (internal) who planned to more or less overthrow the hierarchy then grab all the money for themselves (divide it up). Also said something about bankrupting the church. “take over, corrupt the tech, then close it down.””
    I wonder if this above piece is meant to be historical only, or if a paranoid Miscavige isn’t firing a warning shot here.

    • Missionary Kid

      Could that statement be an excuse to conduct another purge, a la Stalin, of his underlings?

      • jensting

        except there are no underlings to purge, in fact (all management being in “the hole”). Unless David “he is NOT insane!” Miscavige is laying the ground for off-loading everyone in “the hole.”

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Yeah, its like deciding to clean your refrigerator and realizing there is no food in it.

          So you throw out that fuzzy grape in the vegetable drawer and that rancid jar of mayo and poof…you are done!
          But you are still starving!

          • Espiando

            That rancid jar…it isn’t David’s Mayo by any chance?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Haha….No, David got away before he went rancid.

        • Missionary Kid

          There has to be someone running the Hollywood CC, Big blue, Int. base, and the Ft. Harrison. DM can’t be taking reservations or being concierge for the hotel. DM can’t do it all.

          I think he might well be going through another layer of people. Ultimately, the Peter principle takes over. Come to think of it, maybe DM is the ultimate example of the Peter Principle.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            “DM can’t do it all.”
            He most certainly can. In fact he has too because he is surrounded by losers and degraded beings. Just ask him. He has to do absolutely everything.
            (Sarcasm volume is at about a nine.)

            • Missionary Kid

              Ah, yes, being a Big Being makes him able to do everything.

              (Sarcasm level at 11)

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Ouch!

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              This one goes to 11.

            • Missionary Kid

              Just as it did in This Is Spinal Tap.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Great. I am now blinded by the sarcasm. I need to go lie down in a darkened room and play my Mr. Rogers record.

              Tree tree tree,
              Tree tree tree…

  • Lurkness

    As to the Portland event, this really sounds out of character for Dear Leader, especially at such an “historic event and place” that Portland is purported to be:

    “The overall flow and tone was quite light (where were the strong emotional moments I had heard about?) – all just brushed lightly over – emotion conspicuous by its absence.

    …OUR TIME IS NOW – full momentum (all said very quietly and calmly and pie faced).”

    It appears Mark Bunker may have caused Dear Leader to significantly tone down his presentation and performance. Surely he is not happy about that and it could be why, at least for now, it is a one time presentation. Only so much editing he could do to the video.

    So not only was Mark Bunker’s video/audio ruined, so was Dwarfenfurer’s! Footbullet!

    While the “baddies” apparently went unnamed, surely he was simply describing himself. Other than DM, who else has taken over $cientology, corrupted the tech and tried to shut it down? Nobody else has the mission to bankrupt the parishioners.

    If there is any doubt, turn to LRH and the tech:

    “THE CRIMINAL ACCUSES OTHERS OF THINGS WHICH HE HIMSELF IS DOING.”

  • BuryTheNuts2

    These Carol Nyburg/Karen videos are really good to watch. Carol tells her story in an unflinching manner but she is easy to listen to and have empathy for.
    These people blindly do such hideous things in the name of being the most ethical people on the planet.

    • Missionary Kid

      They’re ethical only in a 1984 sense.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    I wonder if Psychiatric care on FARSEC is cheap because the planet is saturated with the evil psych’s?

    • Captain Howdy

      We Farsecians are not evil. We are the Knights Templar of the Universe. We are the Keepers of the ARC of the Covenant.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        But how much do you charge an hour?

        • Captain Howdy

          We operate on the barter system.

        • villagedianne

          It’s a 50 minute hour.

  • Kim O’Brien

    I love it when Tony does his Sunday funnies …these flyers , and super duper stories of super duper~ness make my morning 😉 I am however …also enjoying the absolute fucking meltdown that Marty and his martians are having over at his blog . It is priceless …and whoever The Oracle is …poor dear is just beside him/her self . You will be happy to learn that we all have what are called “thought stopping powers” . It was news to me too …i did not know that we could stop someone from thinking something but there ya go . Oh ..and we are evil ..and we are a cult ..and we are no better than DM ….just wanted to bring you guys up to speed cause ya know …oh shit forget it . Trust me …have a bloddy Mary and go read the bard for yourself ..it is better than that car accident you saw and could not take your eyes off of .

    Tony , on so many levels …you really are awesome 😉

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Go read yesterdays thread. We were being churlish.
      But man did we have some “Marty is butthurt” fun.

      • Kim O’Brien

        i read it all …oh sweet sweet irony …i am shocked you were able to get through . Then again , if you were not able to post , there would really only be the Oracle over there …i think he only had like 6 different commenters , and 3 were from here 😉 Can you imagine being driven that nuts just because of this blog ? He is being driven nuts my this one , just like his blog ( allegedly ) drives DM nuts . They do not even see it …priceless .

        • stateofcircle

          “WAAAAAAHHH I’M THE ONLY SCIENTOLOGY WARRIOR WAAAAAHHHHHH.” – Marty “Butthurt Warrior” Rathbun, crying to his e-meter because a lowly Wog journalist is a shit ton more popular and successful than he is. And then there was a rockslam. He’s reporting himself to his ethics dungeon.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Is “popular” really an operative word here? I just wonder.

            Successful, yeah. That’s quantifiable by the number of hits.

          • FistOfXenu

            Is he gonna slap the shit out of himself too? Does he have a voice in his head he blame for that?

          • FistOfXenu

            Speaking of Warrior Marty, what do we have to do before he’ll take out his light saber and go at us? Or can’t he overwhelm us by showing us his jedi weapon?

        • BosonStark

          Scientology – control = zero. Given time for LRH-following indie clams to start reading other things and thinking for themselves, and not under so much control, they splinter.

          For them, having been in such a controlled environment, that had so much structure and money, it is untenable to start a 2nd Hubbard-worshiping group with power — except to act as a halfway house for recovering cult addicts, and be a huge thorn in the side of David Miscavige. But after all, if they are going to pretend to be Scientologists, there comes a time when blaming Miscavige for everything will not be enough or not be a good focal point. To be Scientologists, they have to celebrate Hubbard’s ideas, and when Hubbard disallowed discussion of this crap, that dooms it right there outside of the cult setting, except on a small scale. The more they discuss Scientology policies and Hubbard, the more doomed they are in cohesiveness, because there are no security checks, RPF, freeloader debt and the rest.

          As for claiming people who are critical of Hubbard or the holy topic of Scientology are a cult, or wasting their time, well the “cult” part anyway is farfetched. There is no Sea Org to join or even membership in the critical community — virtually no control compared to a cult. It’s like herding cats. Marty may as well claim that everyone critical of Scientology and Hubbard belong to SMERSH or the 5th Invader Force. After all, it is what Hubbard would probably do.

          The cohesiveness of Marty’s martians, is people who can’t face the fact that Hubbard set up a system of control, and they would like to blame David Miscavige for everything wrong, because they can’t accept the fact they were deceived by the whole scam, and made a lot of mistakes themselves to allow it to go as far as it did in their lives and the harm they may have caused others. They ignore the obvious, that Scientology and Hubbard made/trained David Miscavige too.

          The cult needed a strong leader. They couldn’t have been ruled by a committee or based everything on Hubbard’s policies. It would have fallen apart.

          All this business about spitting on Hubbard’s grave or whatever is particularly silly since the fraud was supposed to be back by now anyway.
          I like Alanzo’s posts there though. He’s thought about this for longer than Marty has, and I think he’s both thoughtful and intelligent, without the agenda of providing auditing services or anything like that. In other words, he hasn’t been preoccupied with having followers and supporters in the way that Marty was.

          • Missionary Kid

            Perfect.

          • Kim O’Brien

            great post and I totally agree about Alonzo …i love his posts over there ( and here too )

            • Missionary Kid

              Yay Alonzo. He is wasting his time over there, like everyone else who tries to post, IMO.
              I figure there’s enough yucks without posting.

      • FistOfXenu

        Dear Marty.

        We are ARC.
        We will not respect Hubbard.
        We will not spare Hubbard.
        Get used to it.

      • stateofcircle

        It hasn’t spread to Rinder’s blog, which makes me happy because I enjoy it. And it also confirms that Marty’s followers are their own special brand of crazy.

        • Kim O’Brien

          i took a peek at Rinders blog too . Seems like a well thought out blog. Looks good ..has a nice feel to it and the commenters do not seem to go over the cliff .

          • Espiando

            Mike’s blog is a keeper and a daily read. He breaks some great stories, he fleshes out of a lot of things that were only suspicions, he’s a good communicator (no surprise there), and his commenters keep things on target and help the fleshing-out process. It’s one of the few places that Steve Hall justifies his consumption of oxygen, for instance.

            He also has no problem with posting opinions that go against the grain of his main audience. I once went after someone there who said that Hubtard was, and I quote, “a wicked scientist” (using the slang definition of “wicked” rather than the ones that we’d use). I demolished the “scientist” part, and then Mike responded in a very respectful post, taking the opposite position. I had an issue with him attempting to redefine the word “scientist” to make it fit Hubbard, but the way he did so was “granting of beingness” and acknowledged my criticisms.

            As I’ve said before, Mike is verging closer and closer to One Of Us. If he gets rid of the last vestiges of Hub-think, he’s a card-carrying member of ARC.

            Speaking of that, when are we going to issue membership cards?

            • FistOfXenu

              1st there have to be initiations. With blood rituals and nakedness and dancing and a lot of Guinness and a standup J&D routine. Maybe no blood rituals.

              The magickal ceremony to create a Moon Child can wait.

            • villagedianne

              Lots of caek. But, yeah, no Moon Child.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Nakedness?

              Well, I’m out. There are reasons clothes were invented…

            • DodoTheLaser

              I sure hope so, Espiando. I wasn’t as lucky, when I tried to post that scientology needs well-meaning dupes like a machine needs oil. Perhaps it was too much for him.

          • Spackle Motion

            Well you know what they say about birds of a feather and all.

            The Rathbun blog attracts the loon and pigeon types. I’m not sure about this board, but I’d say we are the bald eagles (I’d say crows but I read that they weren’t as smart as the eagle).

            • Espiando

              I’d go for barn owl. Eyesight such that we see everything, able to fly (and even hover) quietly below the radar, then when you least expect it, we swoop down silently and grab our prey.

              We also tend to spend daylight hours in dark, dank places.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              And one of the insults over there towards us at least called us “The thinking man’s ESMB”.

              I appreciated the recognition, that while we are childish, cultish, LRH bashers….at least we can do it with big words!

            • Observer

              Wow, Ron’s insult tech isn’t holding up very well either, is it?

            • FistOfXenu

              We’re back to vultures again aren’t we SM? 😛

            • Captain Howdy

              Crows are way smarter than eagles. recent studies have shown that Crows are one of the most intelligent animals on the planet.

            • Spackle Motion

              I guess it is all up for debate. Personally, I think crows are intelligent and have a sense of humor (they go after humans for no apparent reason, I’ve seen it) but I don’t spend my time trying to study bird intelligence. The lack of human intelligence apparent at some pro-Scientology sites is enough bird brain thinking for me to witness.

            • Captain Howdy

              No Spackle, it’s a fact. PBS had a program detailing a study of crows in Japan. They’re off the hook! They are as intelligent as apes.

            • FistOfXenu

              By apes you mean squirrel busters don’t you?

            • Chocolate Velvet

              I saw that docu. Nature episode, IIRC. It was so cool! I never knew crows were that smart, although I suspected. Sometimes they do seem to fuck with people, just cuz.

            • Observer

              Crows are also cool robots.

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjiwSwzsby4

    • stateofcircle

      I am proud to be a part of this cult. I just wish it came with cult benefits like communal sharing of everyone’s drugs 🙂

      • Kim O’Brien

        I feel bad for the Oracle ..i mean , talk about a meltdown of epic proportions ! I love it ..not gonna lie. It just cracks me up that they are so freaking cray cray . They actually think we have powers or something …like any post here could actually stop a thought ( whatever the hell that means) and we would ALL understand is we only spent a couple of years , ya know …learning about scientology . Oh …it is just so so so sweet to me . And funny 😉

        • stateofcircle

          Maybe we should all “donate” all of our money to Tony’s Bunker Fund, then we’ll get a huge building where we can all read and preach entheta all day, get a wet bar and pharmacy installed…..wait a minute. This is sounding like a good idea. I think I might be in a cult….

          • Espiando

            Can we add a dance floor where all music played is by artists who are, at least in part, verifiably 1.1? It would definitely add an interesting touch to our take on the Oiliness Table.

          • Kim O’Brien

            only if there is a perpetually open bar and smoke room …i bet we could swing it

          • Couch_Incident

            I want the Oiliness Table staffed by John P’s supermodel castoffs!

          • BosonStark

            We’ll need a program to train critics, and of course a prison camp for those who aren’t being critical enough.

          • Captain Howdy

            With a pool table and a juke box and a bunk section like they have on Emergency. Basically a firehouse, with trucks that shoot kool-aid.

            • Casabeca

              I will come to play, but will you take off the scary new avatar? Just a request 😉

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I miss bear suit chicken lady!

            • Casabeca

              I miss the bear suit too! And you inspired me to make my avatar real, so thank BTN. I just love the Bunker!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          The Oracle needs to word clear “Oracle”.
          She is a nutter.

          • Espiando

            She’s obviously a person who got her handle by looking at the brand name on her networking software.

          • SciWatcher

            Judging from her posts, there are quite a few words she needs to clear!

          • Yeppir

            OMFingG, “nutter” doesn’t even scratch the surface. (I still love the part where she got das boot from ESMB for being…. well, a nutter.)

        • Spackle Motion

          Well…..you do know what they say about the loudest screamers, right?

          They are usually the ones trying to convince themselves and care mostly about what others think of them.

          Homophobia is typically exhibited by those with homosexual tendencies within ones own self that the person tries very hard to deny. This typically comes out as hatred, which means that they become very loud and protest too much.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          It’s a bit insulting, actually.

          Fortunately, I am not easily insulted.

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        You are welcome to my Crestor.

        • Observer

          *spit take*

    • Spackle Motion

      You know what is really funny about the continuous Marty Meltdown?

      1) We must really be getting under their skin because they are STILL talking about it;

      2) Their protests against us mean that they actually read our comments

      The whole ridiculousness of their protest against this commenting board (and inability to laugh at themselves) really shows that they are still deeply in a mind control. And I’m guessing that the ones that are screaming the loudest are the ones with the biggest cracks in their cognitive dissonance fragile shields.

      I disregard just about every written word over there and I rarely go to that blog. They are still deluded and advocate/practice the tech, which is very dangerous.

      • Espiando

        A lot of them are getting a good look for the first time at what “wogs”, and “wogs” who happen to be knowledgeable about the subject of Scientology (whether through actual participation or through study), think about their beliefs. It must be an utter shock to their system that so many people are J&Ding on them, and showing them something that their non-Sci friends (if they have any) aren’t telling them out of politeness.

        We’re restimulating a lot of the reasons why they got involved in Scn in the first place. Just goes to show you that all that auditing didn’t help them one bit in being able to handle this.

        • Kim O’Brien

          Whoever this Molly person is …i wanna buy her a drink :

          Oh, brilliant Marty. Absolutely brilliant.
          There are millions and millions of people in the world who have to struggle to suppress the biggest belly laugh of their lives when hearing about your idol and guru, LRH. A big percentage of these folks live very successful and very happy lives and have never even heard of your guru. They have happy families, jobs they love, fulfilling social lives and they have never even heard the name L. Ron Hubbard. How is this possible? How is it that people all over the world have successful lives having never even heard of your silly “tech”?

          • Captain Howdy

            I think Molly use to post around here.

      • FistOfXenu

        That’s the thing that really makes me sad. They’re acting like the cult by insisting that we have to treat Old Mother Hubbard with respect and appreciation and not J&D his sorry ass into the ground and we have to treat Marty as if his hero fantasies are true.

        I don’t mind if they disagree with us. What I mind is their attitude to us is just like the old GO attitude. Spot an enemy and attack and attack and attack and try to silence or destroy him no matter what. So they accuse us of being like $cientology just like they used to accuse every body of being nazis til pretty recently. I mind it because it means they’re still trapped. They just changed from master Ron to his wannabee master Marty.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          “They just changed from master Ron to his wannabee master Marty.”

          You forgot the pit stop with Missy Cabbage.

          • Espiando

            No, no, no. They didn’t have a second master. They just went from the first master directly to the third master. Wonder where they picked that up from?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Rimshot!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              that’s funny

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              So Missy is the crazy one we cheated on, tried to get committed, then denied ever existed?

              Works for me.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Now see…I was drinking coffee and trying really hard to stick to the topic and not bat Marty around much today and then you said this and I had to go read his “explanation” of his cut and paste philosophy from yesterday.

        This particular piece of his explanation is my personal favorite:
        “If you read the Tao of Physics there is no need for further explanation”

        I have a better idea…go read what Mathematical (and other Physicist’s) have said about that book and its tenuous correlations.

        Of course Marty also says this:
        If you listen to Hubbard’s lectures and read the books on the Academy Levels auditor training there is no need for further explanation.
        So…um…yeah!!!

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          No, really, THERE IS NO NEED FOR FURTHER EXPLANATION. Just read what it says and it’s absolutely true.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Ahem.

      What has taken you so long? Here we’ve been going on and on about any number of subjects OTHER than Mr. Marty Rathbun, and then you finally bring him up. Don’t you know that the ONLY thing we mesmerized acolytes over here in TONY ORTEGA’S CULT OF THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER are interested in is MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY?

      ‘Bout time we had something of substance to talk about!

      • Kim O’Brien

        cut me some slack …he is like a gift that keeps on giving!!! …and until i find my transitional man that i can use strictly for sex on the days that i am not reading this blog and laughing my ass off …you are stuck with me

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Whoo hoo!

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Great. Now I have to make sure my wife doesn’t read this over my shoulder…!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Can anyone translate those two “Basic’s Success stories” of the Dales into some semblance of English?
    Talk about going around your ass to get to your elbow, all while saying virtually nothing!

    • Kim O’Brien

      you are looking smoking hot today …

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Thank you dahling. So are you!

    • Observer

      Bite your tongue! Clam comm is the most exactly correct comm on the planet!

      • FistOfXenu

        Obs, I’m glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee or I’d have spit it all over my computer.

      • Missionary Kid

        Great snark.

      • ze moo

        I like clam soup. Either Manhattan or New England, as long as the little oyster crackers are included, I am in.

    • Sci speak sci speak sci speak I had fun I promise. Sci speak sci speak. Can I graduate now? Does this sound theta enough? Haven’t you purchased your Wog Normal Talk – Scientology Doublespeak Dictionary available at the Ideal Org closest to you for only $695.00. Be sure to bring an extra $3,000 or so as the drug lords in Columbia will be overthrown the minute we donate your generous purchase of these once in a lifetime dictionaries to them.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        My favorite part is:
        …and the false data got replaced by the source data….
        That poor sucker!

        • At least he had the good sense not to call it true data

    • Missionary Kid

      To add to Kim, it must be because your comments are on fire.

    • grundoon

      These Success Stories are as good as it gets in Scientology. This is what they pay $350,000 for.

  • SandiCorrena

    “some many social betterment programs”……embarrassing.

    • BosonStark

      some many a few not really any at all social betterment programs..

  • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

    A post to Boing Boing I though this audience would appreciate … except the vegetarians …

    http://boingboing.net/2013/06/02/satans-spiritual-scorecard.html

    • Espiando

      Hold it, I’ve only done eighteen of those. I need to get on the stick and start working on the others…oh, wait, Harry Potter and Twilight are on there. Not even I’m that degraded.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I grew a great set of horns and a tail just reading that.

        • FistOfXenu

          I suspect you’d look dazzliing in horns and a tail BTN. And my wife just said she can tell you how to keep the tail from ruining the rest of the costume. She’s right. She made devil’s costumes for our kids 1 halloween and the tails didn’t sag and trip the boys up like with other kids.

    • Missionary Kid

      Ah, yes, the Jack Chick tracts. I’m very familiar with his crap. I collect them for the recycling bin.

      Something horrible is going on in someone’s lives, so they find salvation, and all their problems are solved.

      It’s geared towards the same disturbed people that Co$ targets.

      • Couch_Incident

        Jack Chick is a howl. Here is a link to the “official” site where you can view the tracts in full (before presumably buying them in bulk to hand out to the masses before they get cast into the flames):

        http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlistCustomWCovers.asp?q=102&Language=English

        • Missionary Kid

          The tracts are so 50s style that I didn’t think there’d be a website.

          The wildest one, called “Burn Baby Burn” has Jesus going back into the Old Testament and saving Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo from the fire. Talk about an anachronism!

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Dude, if it wasn’t Jesus, then who was that “Fourth Man?”

            

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqQYpSqtM40

            • Espiando

              Harry Lime, of course. Jesus just removed the added water from the penicillin.

            • Captain Howdy

              Harry Lime..Ian Brady’s hero.

            • Missionary Kid

              Forgot that one. Also, to have Roberts, who I usually refer to by the other end of the alimentary canal, read it adds to the lulz.

              Of course, Christians would interpret that as meaning Jesus. It would be interesting to see what the Jewish interpretation is. I put it all under the category of a “my imaginary friend is more powerful than your imaginary friend” story.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Oral Roberts isn’t “reading” this sermon. He wrote it and delivered it for years and years. It was one of his “greatest hits.” It was like seeing Sinatra sing “My Way.”

            • Missionary Kid

              OK, so he wasn’t reading the sermon. If he memorized the verses, he could riff of them, but to compare it to anything Sinatra sang, IMO, is blasphemy – against him, not Sinatra. Since I’m in my late 60s, I’ve seen and heard a lot of preachers

              The most evil is Pat Robertson, who made millions off of selling the TV network that was built behind the 700 Club. He no longer uses the term Rev. because of his vitamin sales, etc.

              You have to realize that I have no respect for any “faith healer.” Yes, Roberts was quite a preacher, but that doesn’t make him any better than a snake oil salesman.

              Faith healers depend on the desire of people to believe, the placebo effect, and the overstatement of people’s ills, as well as sophisticated staging.

              Radio evangelists, and then televangelists learned how to suck money out of people’s pockets. The sell is much more skilled than anything that came from LRH and DM. There are many of the same emotions to raise money: guilt, for a higher purpose, to overcome barriers for one’s group that are brought about by oppressors, and that their belief will bring about rewards in another life.

              Roberts’ building of the hospital and law school (which produced the great legal mind of Michelle Bachmann) that were a monument to his hubris. Both are closed. His appeal for 8 million dollars so the lord wouldn’t call him “home” was pure showmanship, and IMO, greed.

              The lifestyle of him and his family is a matter of public record. That is not uncommon among televangelists. I used to have respect for Billy Graham, because for his crusades they at least shared the people saved and worked with local churches. He got into a scandal over his pay early on, and then set up what apparently was an independent board of directors, but his family still got pretty wealthy.

              You have to realize I’ve spent a lot of time among preachers. I’ve also seen the economic results on people who can’t afford to give, but do. The sell isn’t as hard as Co$, but the emotional tugs are orchestrated with a very sophisticated letter-writing machine to back up the heart-tugging live appeals.

          • Couch_Incident

            Come on now, the “God Hates YOU!” theme is timeless!

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        I LOVE CHICK TRACTS!

        There, I said it. Growing up in an evangelical household, they were the ONLY comics that were not viewed with suspicion. And there was something so comforting about their utter, utter predictability.

        • Missionary Kid

          I didn’t buy comics, but I read them. Sounds like your upbringing was as weird as mine.

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            Not that weird at all, really. My folks were of the “God is Love” side of the coin. My siblings and I all turned out all right. I still feel a bit guilty that I’m not in church three times a week (four if you add in Monday night choir practice), though.

            • Missionary Kid

              Until I was about 40, I could claim that I had more time in church than I ever had in bars, and I started that when I was 19 with a fake ID.

              There was Sunday School, Sunday service, Sunday evening service, (and, depending on whether it was a school night or not, a youth service before or a social afterwards, Wednesday night prayer meeting, then, when I got to the right age, Saturday morning Confirmation calss, then, when they were going on occasionally, revival services. In the summer, it was bible camp.

              My upbringing was “God is Love, but you’re gonna burn in eternal fire if you don’t follow what we say god said.”

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              My schedule was Sunday morning (including Sunday School), Sunday evening, mid-week service (either Wednesday or Thursday) and Monday evening choir practice. Then there was the biggest cheat of all time– Vacation Bible School. Every morning for a week in the summer. And it was “fun.” But I did enjoy church camp in the summer. And Camp Meeting with the whole family!

              It sounds like I was raised with the Waltons…

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              (And I still have more time in church than in bars, as I spend NO time in bars. Early training and all that…)

            • Missionary Kid

              Bars are quite similar to churches, really. Colored lights instead of stained glass, the bar as the alter, booze and pretzels or peanuts instead of communal wine and wafers, music. A bartender to confess to.

              There was a church that had been sold and the congregation had moved to a new location in L.A. about 40 years ago. It reopened after a while as a bar. The alter was where the beer taps were.

            • Kim O’Brien

              there is one here in Denver ..it is actually called The Church

            • Missionary Kid

              Next time I’m there, I’ll have to check it out.

            • Spackle Motion

              When I was in law school, there was “Bar Review” every Thursday night. It was held at a different bar each week.

              While some of you were in Bible camp, I spent my teen years through my 20s going to a lot of Hollywood bars and clubs because I rolled with a strange celebrity/rock band crowd. That was more than enough for one lifetime. During the day I was a Catholic High School student but at night I was a Hollywood denizen, to which almost none of the high school students did not know about.

              I remember being teased by the class asshole, that I was a “goody good”. That used to make me laugh a lot and my reaction confused the heck out of the guy because he had NO idea that I was palling around with rock stars at night.

            • Casabeca

              Same here! But my son and hubs enjoy them now and again. Were you in the Holiness movement ?

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Not Holiness. We were charismatic before they were Charismatic, if you know what I mean.

            • Casabeca

              Yes, I am quite familiar! I went to Christian HS and first 2 yrs of college. Was a singer too, so sang in a different church almost every week of the school year for 6 years. Was such an amazing learning experience…weird and wonderful both. Could only happen in yrs past, no one goes to services so many times a week anymore that I know of. Thanks for sharing your story with me Douglas!

            • Missionary Kid

              I forgot VBS. When I went away to college, my parents went back to the mission field. I still went to church, but it was the Lutheran one my sister went to.

            • MissCandle

              You forgot Thursday potlucks and Vacation Bible School.

            • Missionary Kid

              We didn’t Thursday potlucks, but occasionally we had them on holidays, as I remember it. I did omit VBS. I even was drafted to teach Sunday School when I was in high school because the teacher was sick.

              This was a city church. I just about got sent to parochial school for going to dances. My excuse was that I was in student government and we put them on. Something was said from the pulpit, indirectly, it was directed at me.

              While not Baptist, I was brought up not to

              Dance, drink, smoke, or chew,
              Or go with girls who do.

            • MissCandle

              Are you still a good boy?

            • Missionary Kid

              Hell no, not according to those standards.
              I don’t smoke or chew, but I occasionally have a drink. Working in alcoholism for a year and a half made me stop for that time – I was dealing with public inebriates.

            • Sunny Sands

              In my public school, you could get out of mandatory square dance lessons in gym if you had a note from your minister saying it was against your religious beliefs to dance. A few boys suddenly developed a keen interest in religion and brought in the notes.

            • Kim O’Brien

              al the girls in my public school just said they were on their period ~ the male teacher just could not handle phrases like ” bloated” …”cramps”..”heavy bleeding” …it was hysterical

            • Missionary Kid

              I had square dancing in grammar school, and I don’t remember if my parents even knew about it, but I think it would have been O.K. with them, because it wasn’t really boy-girl close dancing, and up through the 6th grade, I had very little outward interest in girls.

              It wasn’t the dancing, per se, that they objected to, but the closeness between the sexes that they objected to in dancing.

              I still love dancing, close or not. I would never have brought a note.

        • Captain Howdy

          Chick tracts rule. I have a collection.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Lycanthropy is out?

      Shucks.

      • Missionary Kid

        That means you can’t listen to Howlin’ Wolf.

    • Jimmy B

      I hate when the illuminati come knocking on my door.

      • Missionary Kid

        I thought they were just JWs and the Mormons. Maybe they’re a part of the illuminati?

    • Kim O’Brien

      how is someone supposed to experience ” re- birthing” ? . Never mind …i don’t even wanna know . We can’t do YOGA ?? …shit , i have been to Burning Man more than once . And if you can’t spell marijuana …you must me high .

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I never did go to burning man and I lived in Reno for 18 years.

        What a dumbass I was!

        • Kim O’Brien

          it sucks now …don’t bother .

        • Captain Howdy

          Heroin isn’t of the list..so it must be OK.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            As SPF says….Just say NO!

            • sugarplumfairy

              Good job, Grasshopper..

          • ze moo

            Not to mention crack, mdgb, crank and of course absinthe.

            • Missionary Kid

              Actually, absinthe would be under alcoholic drinks. It also isn’t dangerous to drink, other than it’s alcohol. From Wikipedia, “Although absinthe was vilified, it has not been demonstrated to be any more dangerous than ordinary spirits. Any psychoactive properties attributed to absinthe, apart from that of the alcohol, have been much exaggerated. A revival of absinthe began in the 1990s, following the adoption of modern European Union food and beverage laws that removed longstanding barriers to its
              production and sale. By the early 21st century, nearly 200 brands of absinthe were being produced in a dozen countries, most notably in France, Switzerland, USA, Spain, and the Czech Republic.”

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        And did you catch “Remote Viewing” is listed, as if it was, you know, real?

        • Kim O’Brien

          HAHAHA …i know ! Levitation too …i mean sweet jeebus

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            Now see, I missed levitation totally. That’s how they get ‘ya. They throw in a bunch of stuff that you agree with with the crazy and evel and then…. I levitated once, though. Much like the Hub, it was in a dentist’s office.

      • ze moo

        ‘Re-birthing’ is another ‘new age’ spirit cleansing ritual. You get wrapped up in several blankets and you have to fight your way out. Sounds harmless but it was used as an exorcism on some kid and the child smothered. I don’t know if you have to eat the fake placenta……

    • grundoon

      Vegetarianism: Doorway to Demonic Possession

      What if there had been no fish when Jesus fed the multitude? O..M..G!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        And don’t forget the entire postmodernism era.

        We should just eliminate those times…
        Oh wait….maybe that is what gave Will Smith the idea for After Earth…

    • 1subgenius

      Church of Satan a doorway to demonic possession?
      Who knew?

    • I’ve heard people say a lot of dumb shit about vegetarians, but this is the first time I’ve seen them described as a gateway to demonic possession. Moving up in the world!

      Anyone know what backmasking is?

      • Observer
      • Xenu, Lord of Kobol

        I believe that is the practice employed by evil musicians to record subliminal messages praising all kinds of devlish behavior back in the day when musical content was produced on vinyl and you could rig a phonograph to play backwards.

        I believe those accused of such horrible behavior included The Beatles.

    • MissCandle

      Back in my day, a picture of a tree was used. The roots of the tree were dancing, playing cards, and other sinful practices attractive to youth. The leaves of the tree were fornication and rape.

  • ze moo

    “If things were a little better known and understood, we would all lead happier lives.”

    Starting with functional English perhaps??? Lrooon quotes in his ‘philosopher’ mode are so amusing and bereft of any meaning that you can see the cognitive dissonance.

  • Guest

    Did anyone else catch this frame 40 seconds into the Carol Nyburg / Angry Gay Pope video?!
    Irritating and disturbing, thankyouverymuch.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Was that Captain Howdy?

      • Captain Howdy

        There’s something there.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Yeah! You!

          • Captain Howdy

            Prove it.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I can’t stop it…but I can see it.

            • Captain Howdy

              I downloaded the vid off youtube and played it at half speed..and it is ME!

              Thanks Angry Gay Pope!

              And BTN I’m sorry I ever doubted you..I should know better by now

            • BuryTheNuts2

              😉

              Is that some weird shit or what!

            • Captain Howdy

              It’s Epic!

            • dbloch7986

              I’m wondering why he chose you for that subliminal message?

            • Sidney18511

              ok…somebody PLEASE tell me what to look for on the video. I’ve stopped it at 40 AND watched it so many times I could repeat every word.
              I need someone to fill me in. The mystery is killing me.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              You can’t stop at 40, that wont work

              Keep watching it from about 37-41. Don’t blink. If you keep watching it…you will train yourself to see it and then you can see the image.

            • Sidney18511

              Cris-cross applesauce, how the hell did that happen?

            • Captain Howdy

              The devil’s playing a joke on the pope.

            • Sam

              Got it!

            • sugarplumfairy

              It happens shortly after the tape of the scientologists getting on the buses..

            • Espiando

              Because if he used my avatar, Warner Brothers would come down on him like a ton of bricks.

            • sugarplumfairy

              No, ton of bricks would be for wily coyote.. They’d prob send a hunter with a lisp
              after you , though..

            • Espiando

              John Allender?

            • sugarplumfairy

              Lol.. Yep!

            • grundoon

              Score!

            • sugarplumfairy

              You’re exteriorizing into AGP videos! Now try coming here.. Bring a Kickass cupcake with you?

            • Captain Howdy

              Sorry SPF, I’ve shot my wad of demon Injun super powers for today.

            • sugarplumfairy

              And it was pretty awesome..

            • Sidney18511

              HOLY SHIT GUYS. I watched it on YouTube and I keep hitting the pause button quickly over and over and I STOPPED IT ON THE FACE. Bizarre as a mo-fo.

        • Sidney18511

          cap…did you notice one of Marty’s groupies had a problem with your post on his board and suggested Marty take some action?

          • Captain Howdy

            All i see is someone chiding me for leaving out a “s” in “assstimulated”.

            • Sidney18511

              It’s closer to the top and the dudes name is iamvalkov.

            • Captain Howdy

              Ha Ha, They must be big Supertramp or Foreigner fans.

            • Sidney18511

              He said you posted something vile and told Marty to take morally corrective action.

            • Kim O’Brien

              Capt..if you posted something vile and did not share it with us , we will be very upset

        • tetloj

          I thought maybe Karen had replaced that god-awful Kinkade shit

      • sugarplumfairy

        Wow.. That’s really weird! I didn’t notice until you called attn to it..

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Wasn’t me who noticed the original blip.
          They deleted their message.

      • hogarthian

        Fucking Hell! …… Well spotted!!!!

    • Jimmy B

      Can’t catch it.

    • Sunny Sands

      It would be interesting to know if this person helped her plan to leave, or was involved in her escape. She is obviously keeping mum about him.

      • Sidney18511

        Sunny, she wrote this whole experience up and it was posted on Steve Halls board (I believe) I also remember Karen either posted or gave a link to this on the OCMB board. It’s worth the read.

    • L. Wrong Hubturd

      Yeah, it’s like Fight Club with the frames of porn popping into the movie.

    • sizzle8

      Playback Controls:
      K – Play/Pause (spacebar does the same)
      J – Jump back 3 seconds when playing / jump back one frame when paused (Left Arrow Key does the same)
      L – Jump forward 3 seconds when playing / jump forward one frame when paused (right arrow key does the same)
      0 – Jump to beginning
      1-9 – The number keys can be used to jump to a relative point on the
      timeline. For example, 5 jumps to the 50% mark on the timeline, half
      way through the video. 1 jumps to the 10% mark and 9 jumps to the 90%
      mark.

      • Missionary Kid

        Thanks. I wasn’t aware of

        The only one that doesn’t work when playing a video here is the space key, which puts me one screen down.those keyboard controls.

        • Get Chutney Love
          • Missionary Kid

            Thanks, that site sure looks interesting, and looks like it leads to a lot more information.

          • Dennis

            Good God.

            Please GAFL, DA.

            Seriously.

            • Get Chutney Love

              I’m so sorry they deleted your latest comments @ Sadly, No!, Dennis. That’s no way to treat someone with a MBA from St. Louis University, especially a MOTU like you.

              Everyone, please take a minute to cry for our puffy friend from Indiana, he’s not getting enough attention today.

            • Dennis

              DA, they wrote a kill file so they can totally ignore you.

              Sucks to be you, shunned by the same liberals you try so hard to please and fit in with.

              Hahaha!

              Loser.

            • Get Chutney Love

              Hey, Dennis, if you noticed, the killfile didn’t work on me because I can change nyms as easily as I remove my shoes.

              You, OTOH, had your comments deleted entirely, thus depriving the world of that great wisdom you…………

              Sorry, I was laughing too hard.

              Thanks for playing, cowboi, and enjoy the rest of your lunch break. Only 4 hours after this, you can do it.

            • Dennis

              Old posts that no one reads after the first hour. Who cares? You’re the one who sucks up to the bloggers and commenters there, expressing your fake sympathy and Googling/copying and pasting useless trivia like a madman in hopes of endearing yourself to them. So you change your nym, big deal, they’re still disgusting by you, and rightly so; you make fun of retarded children, gays and the transgendered, then pretend to be a caring, sympathetic liberal. Even those idiots can smell a fraud from a mile away.

              Six more hours till you wife comes home. Four more days till she comes home with the paycheck. Is today laundry day for you?

            • Dennis

              Or is Monday the day you have your hair done?

            • Get Chutney Love

              Poor Stalker Dennis, banned at Sadly No!, hasn’t logged in at the Daily Banter in a few days. It must be getting lonely, Dennis, having nobody to accuse of being a Neiwertist.

            • Get Chutney Love

              And now he’s turned up at alicublog, trying desperately for attention from the libruls he claims to despise.

              Get off the iPad and back to work, loser.

            • Get Chutney Love

              You’re the one who sucks up to the bloggers and commenters there,

              As you do at your work, Dennis.

              (148 Comments. Don’t you find it tiresome, Dennis, logging in and out with different Disqus nyms

              expressing your fake sympathy and Googling/copying and pasting useless trivia like a madman

              Glad you took the time out from your production to tell me this, Dennis. I was just commenting here until had to come here and stalk me because why?

              So you change your nym, big deal, they’re still disgusting by you

              I think you just made a grammatical error, Dennis. You meant to say, “They’re still by you, and they’re still disgusting”. Don’t they require Finance majors to at least be familiar with English above the level of a 5th grader.

              you make fun of retarded children,

              Keep up the pearl-clutching, Dennis. Nobody here reads Sadly, No!, and they have no idea what your references mean. You’re just babbling here, and that’s appropriate somehow on a weblog devoted to exposing Scientology, a more complicated sort of babble.

              Even those idiots can smell a fraud from a mile away.

              Smell a fraud, can they? How about, “Even those idiots can tell a fraud from a mile away.”?

              Cliches, Dennis, it must be so frustrating that you don’t have the linguistic resources to communicate efficiently and clearly. Dealing with you at the bank must be a freakin’ barrel of monkeys.

              Six more hours till you wife comes home.

              3 hours until you can leave that ship of fools you call a workplace. Don’t you just want to take one of those dull faces and grind it into the cement on your way home?

              Four more days till she comes home with the paycheck.

              And four more days you have to put up with those co-workers who don’t realize what a brilliant MOTU they’re working with. I can see that you’re one of those folks who is working for the weekend. Nothing wrong with that.

              Try not to go postal today, Dennis, you’d really embarrass Ollie and you don’t want to do that, right?

  • media_lush

    Interesting snippet I came across from Celebrity Dirty Laundry:

    “So for those who see AFTER EARTH as really a Scientology course, I suggest a future Scientology Film Festival where it would be joined by Travolta’s BATTLEFIELD EARTH and Tom Cruise’s WAR OF THE WORLDS. Cruise as you might remember insisted that a Scientology tent be put up on set so crew members would have access to — lunchtime lectures? — and where the H.G. Wells’ source story was changed so that aliens came, as in true Scientology doctrine, not from outer space but from within the planet, having been here waiting for a chance to pop up for thousands of years.”

    I knew about the tents bit but this is the first I’ve heard about him changing the source story…. anyone else heard of this or know a bit more?

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Yes, that was TC’s input. Then, during the press junket, any time a journalist brought it up he would get all huffy. It was, I believe, when the press finally decided they didn’t need to play nice with Tom Cruise any more. It was a reasonable topic, but from his self-righteous overreaction you would have thought they were trying to trap him into admitting he was a child molester or something.

    • ze moo

      I thought the martians ‘rode’ the lightning to the already buried martian ‘walkers’?? That was the change that was made to HG Wells original story? I do wonder how many of the crew used the Scieno tent? Did they actually hope to get noticed and work on more TC movies??

  • ze moo

    http://insidemovies.ew.com/2013/06/02/box-office-report-after-earth/

    ‘After Earth’ earns only 27 million its first weekend. The studio was expecting 35 mill. Not an auspicious start….

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      It is DOA.

  • Kim O’Brien

    Marc Headleys review of the movie got a shout out at Daily Kos ! http://www.dailykos.com/

  • L. Wrong Hubturd

    Betty Bowers has a nice little chart including Scientology:

    http://bettybowers.com/compare.html

    • BuryTheNuts2

      The disclaimer at the bottom is the best!

    • LemonLemon

      LOL The only folks more gullible than scientologists are people who watch Fox News LOL. I think the Fox News fans wouldn’t be as offended to learn that they are considered the “most gullible” as they would be to learn that they are considered more gullible than scientologists. “Oh man…we’re more gullible than scientologists? I hate those guys!”

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Remember the show Celebrity Death Match from MTV? I just had a vision of a Marty -vs- Glenn Beck episode. Marty’s secret power would be speaking Sciontologuise to confuse Beck(not too hard to do I imagine) and Beck would of course have the magic underwear to protect him.

        • LemonLemon

          Haha is Glenn Beck a Mormon? How did I miss that memo?! That would be a celebrity death match I would watch. The Match of Dumb and Dumber.

          • Casabeca

            But they would rate themselves as wise man and wiser man.

    • Spackle Motion

      I love Betty. I wish she put out more videos.

  • dbloch7986

    Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

    Dear Sea Org,

    You should probably let people get an education before ripping them away from their family.

    Your collective lack of education is bleeding through on your promotional pieces….

    • sugarplumfairy

      Yah, it is..

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Are there Any other insider reports about the Portland video event? I find it curious/questionable/funny that a current Staff refers to Miscavige as Pie Faced, as this is the Mike and Marty’s terminolgy, as well as the phrase “inter alia”.

    I couldn’t understand the excerpt above so read all at Mike’s blog. What raised the hair on my arms was the staff member saying that Miscavige dug up and spitted out a reference to RJ38. Oh my. Oh my my my. This Hubbard bulletin has been hotly debated, voice analyzed (absolutely Not LRH, and Mike and Marty and others swearing they know for a fact that it was). Personally, I think Hubbard by 1983 was so paranoid, so physically in dire shape and mentally, well…that he might very well have a voice and speak words that were nothing like they were before. But the bulletin is about the whole corporate resorting and Denise Brennan is my reliable source on that. But it’s also about the Guardian’s Office members who were the cause of all the problems, raids, and they were found and jailed or kicked to the curb.

    Miscavige is Freaked. My take is that he is certain that Mike and Marty and other former Int Management members are approaching Immediate Launch for a takeover and have successfully reconned and recruited enough of the wealth in the field to finance and sponsor it. The bankruptcy reference had me wonder which ones and how many of the scientology tentacles are shriveling up under the sucking of legal fees and OSA dirty ops expenses.

    I don’t ever forget that a shark pool of former GO operatives still slither around on this planet and again, the references cannot be mistaken, if that staff member’s notes are true. I very much notice who and what is Not discussed in certain arenas. Evidently Miscavige has too and is sweating copper bullets. No wonder his speech was uncommonly short.

    In short, he is now at Defcon 1, immediate readiness. I predict Something is about to blow, and I’m not talking a JT here.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      AH HA!

      I had that same weird feeling reading that he was talking present time instead of making a historical reference. Now I gotta go read Rinder.
      I wonder if Miscavige is finally getting ready to blow the usa???

      • Espiando

        Another thing that makes me wonder in re the RJ38 reference is who he has set up to take the fall. If he follows precedence, it’s going to be Shelly and some of the higher-ups in the Hole like Yager.

        As for where he’ll go, I said it five years ago and I’ll say it again: he’s got that castle in South Africa, where the courts can be bribed to keep him from extradition and the cops can be paid off to let him be.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          He can go anywhere he likes, as far as I’m concerned, as long as it’s adjacent to a surburb of Hell, and supervised or guarded by a guy named Bubba.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Wow, this is getting exciting to watch!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              and in the meantime… I predicted last year that the Indie’s by now would be 85% awakened and Gone, and the rest splintered into 1) Fanatics ‘R Us and 2) Marty Fantasy Land and 3) Hubbard is Worthy, like Leeching and Edsels.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Damn, You are GOOD!

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              and I kept One certificate to prove it! lol.

        • Casabeca

          What castle in s.a.?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I know! At first I was like, oh he’s referring to That, and the I read staff guy’s full notes, and then I was oh, no it was about Then, and then I read the notes again and went, Oh, it’s about Now.

        Here was my first and most important clue though: It was Not 3 or 4 hours long. What’s that line about those who are paranoids but also have large scale crimes aren’t Always paranoid? He had process servers to look out for, Ex’s to look out for, Anons, any media, police, sheriffs, and more than anything, a parade of Roaring Mothers to look out for.

    • ze moo

      The CO$ has too much money and real estate to go bankrupt without a long process of selling off said real estate and that would draw a lot of attention. While the clamdom may not make as much money as it used to, there is no reason to think or hope of its recent demise. Rice and beans don’t cost much and at less then $50.00 a week, it doesn’t take much money to keep even an idle morg going. The locals can pass the hat for electric and water bills.

      Miscavige is always paranoid about being replaced or demoted. I enjoy the thought of karmic justice to see DM in the Hole. If and when that happens we’ll know that clamdom is ready for reform and perhaps revival. The revival part I can live without, but consider the selling point of not having to please de dwarfenfürher any more. I see no one within corporate clamdom in a position to take davey on. Anyone who could is in the hole or long offloaded. Sociopaths seldom trust those around them and little dave takes the Stalinist road whenever he can, just because that is the best way to be a dick.

      I laughed my ass off at ;”I predict Something is about to blow, and I’m not talking a JT here.” Your poetic allusion is very sick and disgusting and I really like that.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        My hubby likes it too. hey, I was talking about the front groups like Narconon hearing that sucking sound. Also, there are the members who are in bankruptcy court. And there are the individual missions if not closed, hearing that sucking sound, and the class 5 orgs who are Definitely hearing that sucking sound in staff members’ bank accounts as well as the org’s utility bills and “offerings” to their Miscavige landlord. Miscavige personally bankrupt, of course not!

        • ze moo

          NarCONon is in financial trouble. The payout in Georgia and the imminent closing of Georgia and Oklahoma facilities is going to keep perhaps 5-6 million dollars out of NarCONon each year. That still leaves 35 NarCONons in the US.

          I would like to see what ABLE has on its books. I just find it so hard to believe anyone would pay for ‘L Ron Hubbard’ administrative ‘tech’. I can see a occasional dentist or chiropractor being scammed, but not enough of them to make a living at it. Apparently there are enough gullible people to keep that scam running. The same goes for Applied Scholastics and Criminon. How out of touch and irresponsible do you have to be to use either of those ‘services’??? Anyone spending my school district taxes on AP would be in a recall election or fired faster then a registrar chasing a penny.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            some Parents have described their desperation as having already gone to other places. Others simply were pressed by time. Narconon referral sites made sure Not to mention Hubbard, scientology, and in many cases, Narconon itself. If you have a loved one that you need to rush to the emergency room, how much time do you spend researching that room? this is Why front groups today hide All connections.

    • 1subgenius

      Thanks for this. Interesting.
      It would seem that a leak would be rather nice about now.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Yes, that would be just lovely.

        [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/2v99dnb.jpg[/IMG]

        • 1subgenius

          I gotta believe that a hard copy, even bootleg, phone video, etc., of this does not exist, except in the deepest bowels of DM’s bunker.
          Look at the security for Portland..

      • Lurkness

        My guess is that you could make a decent transcript from what Mark Bunker was able to record. That seemed to be the case from the portion he posted.

    • George Layton

      Is it some sort of policy that when an attack begins that co$ accuses the target of nearly the same thing that they have done or are about to do?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        George, You must have a Marty hangover.
        🙂

        • George Layton

          Lol, you might have something there.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        yes. in fact, Hubbard created an entire shadow organization dedicated to it. There are scientology job and career positions and “how to” checklists and informational packs to it. There are courses and therapy auditing devoted to it, for a very dear price. There are entire departments and sections and staff and volumes of books and policies of ethics and justice the scientological way devoted to it.

        George, it is The reason that I have tried and tried to plead with the Indies to listen to me and a thousand others who have said the same thing:

        Scientologists think they are above the law and above the need for education and licensing and peer review in the fields of education, in the fields of mental health and talk therapies, in the fields of ethics and justice and the fields of just about any field you name.

        I often need to apologize for being rude and abrasive and too personal. There is no excuse for it, just as I don’t excuse the Indie’s ad hom verbal attacks.

        I don’t hate Ron, or any Indies or anyone. Marty and Mike, I hope one day will you come to face the fact that it is Not anti Ron, or even anti Scientology. I am, however, wrenched and heartbroken and in a rage about the abuse and crimes that are committed in the name of scientology. This includes those who do Not have a license to practice medicine or law.

        This is the line in the sand, not anything else. Scientologists are Not trained to diagnose whether or not a customer is in need of psychiatric help and not new age therapy. There are Not peer reviewed, and they need to educate themselves with the same requirements as the rest of us. They should follow the rules and laws of the country they are living in. If they really, truly, want to help a person live better lives, get the background, get the science, THEN they personally can reevaluate their Hubbard tech of what is Workable.

        And my Number # 2 beef with Indies: Report abuse and crimes and fraud to the police and the IRS and whoever is the appropriate authority. Not to Marty, not to Mike, not to Ethics/MAA and not to the Freezone. To the Police.

        The fanatics on all the sites are just that and to me ruin any chance of having an effective, adult conversation that might be of some value in whatever manner of ending the abuse. That includes Ron’s ethics/PTS/SP harmful methods which are the cancerous source, imo, that eats alive any logic or reasoning. No one is going to cure fanaticism on a blog. It is a symptom of some sort of mental disease or illness and it is folly to think anyone can “talk it down” as a cure.

        • Bob

          THDNE, Very good points!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Bob, did you get to witness this one time presentation on Portland?

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I was thinking that if we could just call a truce and agree on just One contract:

            Leave the children out of it. No scientology ethics and justice, no purifs, no narconons, no “study tech”, no auditing, no training. Let them make up their own minds after they reach legal age AND a real (non scientology) education and college. Let them decide.

            • Observer

              And don’t make their parents disconnect if the kids leave!

        • V4Vacation

          Very well said: “It’s like any group anywhere, there are always at least one sociopath in charge, a couple of narcissists to keep it floating, a few mental cases to keep it heated, and a pod of whales to keep it financed. The majority are usually convinced they are helping, are warriors, or something. “

        • George Layton

          Thank you.

        • Gus_Cox

          “It’s like any group anywhere, there are always at least one sociopath in charge, a couple of narcissists to keep it floating, a few mental cases to keep it heated, and a pod of whales to keep it financed. The majority are usually convinced they are helping, are warriors, or something. It’s this pesky Information Age that is ruining all the bullies’ fun.”

          Man, there’s some Truth.

    • Spackle Motion

      Inter alia is a legal term. I don’t read the Rinderburn show, but I’m curious how they use this term….care to share an example?

      • John P.

        I think they may have mis-heard “inter alien.” In other words, when you are a thetan on the whole track with billions of years of past lives on all sorts of planets, you can have more hot and heavy green alien sex than Captain Kirk could have ever dreamed of.

        • tetloj

          into alien?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        tony has link to mikes blog. it was part of staff members notes.

  • stateofcircle

    I’ve been wasting my day away clicking and googling, and I noticed something that I don’t know what to make of. It could very well be nothing, but since the grammar police are out today, it’s worth a shot.

    I noticed that in every email, letter, flier, etc that mentions dwarfenfuhrer, there is no “the” before his title. For example, “….we just received this from Chariman of the Board, Religious Technology Center” or, “…there will be a one-time showing from [COB RTC STFU]” or, “…it was near and dear to [COB RTC WTF]” and so on. It is like this on everything. Now, just think of any arbitrary title for an organization or business or something, like President of SMERSH. Insert that into any of the above sentences and it just doesn’t make sense; it needs the “the”. There should always be a “the” before a title. But names don’t need one. So it’s like COB RTC is his name, and I feel like it’s some weird, twisted, subliminal power thing. I’m probably looking too far into it, but does anyone has any thoughts on this?

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Well there is nothing arbitrary about the way Scientologist use (and I do mean use) words.
      To have it missing occasionally, or even most of the time MIGHT be a coincidence.

      I think you nailed the reasoning.

      • stateofcircle

        I’ve been reading tons of different stuff today spanning a few years and I didn’t see one “the” preceding his name. Not one!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Well, as Will Smith would say:
          This appears to be a pattern!

    • Espiando

      I’ve always believed it’s identical to why you don’t say the name of Lord Voldemort or a Lovecraftian Elder God. That’s DM’s reasoning. In his mind, ’tis better to be feared than loved, since all Scientologists were told by Ron that love isn’t real, yet you can still shit your pants with fear.

      • FistOfXenu

        DM’ll never have to worry about being loved. He got that nailed down for good.

    • Semper Phi

      In the SO and orgs, people are referred to as their post title and addressed the same way. For example, if you were trying to get the LRH Communicator’s attention, you wouldn’t say, “Excuse me — Betty?…” You would say, “Excuse me — LC?” So that’s why there is no “the” used before DM’s title. The post = the person.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Semper Phi! Yay! Missed you!

        • Semper Phi

          Hi SPF! I’m around, but I’ve been lurking lately, since my work computer (at my new job!!) blocks all the comments on this site. By the time I get home in the evening, the number of comments is just overwhelming. Just too dang many SPs participating in the J&D (and thoughtful commentary too, of course)!

      • FistOfXenu

        and then the person is just the post in the cult’s eyes, so when the person doesn’t make something go right they’re treated like nothing.

        • Semper Phi

          Yup.

  • media_lush
    • Bob

      ML, really good find. My kind of humor.

    • 1subgenius

      Takes damning with faint praise to a whole new level:

      “While still controversial, the religion has managed to stick around and not inspire mass suicide, something that very few other upstart faiths have ever been able to do.”

      • FistOfXenu

        Clever except it’s not true is it? I mean the “very few upstart faiths” bit. there must a gazillion upstart faiths out there and MOST of them haven’t inspired mass suicides have they? Like $cientarCONon they do better at inspiring suicides 1 or 2 or 3 at a time, Check the numbers but I think he spoils the cleverness with that.

    • R you there Xenu?It’s me L Ron

      I know exactly how they feel. I have failed at effectively spreading Manbearpig awareness and I am worried my message will never be heard.

  • Xique

    Seems to me that Carol’s 2 week vacation and the”encounter” with her WOG friend essentially cost her $9000. They charge you for every little thing, don’t they? Unbelievable.

    • sister wendy

      yes…..

      • Get Chutney Love

        When Hubbard stole from the past, he stole from the best, or, to be more specific, the worst of the best:

        Simony is an offence against the law of the church. In the canon law, the word bears a more extended meaning than in English law. Simony according to the canonists, says John Ayliffe in his Parergon,

        is defined to be a deliberate act or a premeditated
        will and desire of selling such things as are spiritual, or of anything
        annexed unto spirituals, by giving something of a temporal nature for
        the purchase thereof; or in other terms it is defined to be a
        commutation of a thing spiritual or annexed unto spirituals by giving
        something that is temporal
        .

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simony

        Any educated Catholic knows about that one, as the fishwife said to the saddle-maker.

        During WWII, it wasn’t unknown for Stateside Catholics to get indulgences for such things as eating meat on Friday, or getting an annulment approved(cough, cough, Sheila Rauch, cough, cough) because said Catholics helped the war effort in some way.

        • aquaclara

          Sheila Rauch reference is funny!

  • ze moo

    ‘After Earth’ lost out to not only Fast & Furious 6 but also ‘Now you see me”. Will and Jada may be out of some pocket change. Can Men in Black #8 be far behind?

    http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/cotown/la-et-ct-box-office-after-earth-fast-furious-20130602,0,880939.story

  • media_lush

    Is this Tommy Girl’s new boyfriend?

    His catalog of work is extremely gay heavy [not that there’s anything wrong with that]

    • 1subgenius

      Gotta hand it to Tom, though.
      At least he hasn’t dropped a fuck-ton of someone else’s money on a vanity project to try to make his son a star.
      Now that I think of it, its rather pathetic how that backfired on Will. Jaden’s career?….well…. Hollywood will probably forgive him before it forgives Will.

      • media_lush

        well, I’m sure he pulled a lot of strings to get Connor his role in Red Dawn [a conclusive ‘meh’ BTW] and chaperoning him in his jet to get him to DJ gigs overseas might be considered indulging a vanity project but I know what you mean. After listening to Connor’s mix skills I reckon he won’t get very far and is only booked for his celeb PR value…. which will probably follow his father’s current path.

        • KNMF

          Right-o. These celeb-kids have zero credibility. It will take a lot of PR work to keep them from becoming laughingstocks.

          • media_lush

            …. another thing that hasn’t really been picked up by the mainline media is that there have been a quite a few pics of him and Alex Pettyfer over the months… some of the more sordid UK gossip sites pretty much outed Pettyfer a couple of years ago and the more cynical believe this was the main reason his career faltered [he’s a very good looking kid that was ‘destined’ to be UK’s answer to Brad Pitt].

            Wouldn’t it be incredibly ironic if Connor was to come out as gay and his dad was to stay in the closet.

    • John P.

      I wonder if “[Connor’s] development as a DJ over the last year and a half” is a direct result of applying Hubbard’s “turntable tech.” The same “turntable tech” brought you “Thank you for listening,” “The Power of Source” and so many other classic hits.

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Oh yes, he only mixes with ClearSound engaged. It’s one better than using the Dolby. Xenuphonic could be a great brand of DJ gear don’t ya think?

  • R you there Xenu?It’s me L Ron

    Forgive me if someone already noticed this but the Portland flier is reminiscent of both the Girl Scouts logo and Charlie Sheen. It also reeks of the profound delusion that the event was actually important.

    • noseinabk

      Yes it looks almost exactly like the GS logo. I like the Golden age of Knowledge symbol better though. At a quick glance I had to do a double take as it looked like a phallic symbol.

      • R you there Xenu?It’s me L Ron

        I cannot believe I did not notice that. Perhaps it is a subliminal message about what will happen to your brain and bank account if you join.

      • grundoon

        Who had the bright idea to insert the heads into a stars-and-stripes condom with reservoir?

      • noseinabk

        This is the one I meant.

        • grundoon

          With the silver Prince Albert? (ouch)

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Or is that a gold and silver pill capsule mounted on a pharmacopeia?

  • richelieu jr

    I love how Rinder’s ‘Pie Faced’ seems to be entering the lingo (‘Po-Faced’ doesn’t seem to really be said. When I was in the States I would say it all the time and people looked at me like I was making it up!)

  • Jimmy B

    Wow, Marc Headley’s guest post over at the Hollywood Reporter still has active comments…. up to 745 now, OSA getting the smack-down

  • richelieu jr

    Pretty sleazy their shameless grab at the Tea Party crowd ‘Constitutional Destruction” “What is happening in America Today” “Restoring our Rights and Freedoms..”

    • FistOfXenu

      “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the sleaziness of $cientarCONon.”

      – H. L. Munchkin

      • richelieu jr

        Ah yes, wasn’t ol’ HL the Mayor of Munchkin City? He welcomed me most regally…

    • Captain Howdy

      And it’s pretty sleazy for the scilons to be using the Stars and Stripes when we all know scientologists don’t have a patriotic bone in their meat bodies. The only country they maybe feel any loyalty to is Bulgravia. Which of course makes perfect sense, because it’s make believe just like the Tech and all the rest.

      • DodoTheLaser

        “..because it’s make believe just like the Tech and all the rest.”

        [IMG]http://i40.tinypic.com/2wdsdns.jpg[/IMG]

        Amen.

  • richelieu jr

    Yes, I am sure this ‘Head of Law Enforcement of a major German City’ said that there were people trying to ‘suppress his city’.. I am sure those were his exact words…

    Also this was in 1936 and those people were called.. The Goldsteins.

  • richelieu jr

    “Those words mean not cause..”!!!

    Scientologists sure do know how to communicate! Was this sentence put together from extra Scrabble tiles? Is it supposed to be an anagram for something?

    I swear it’s like they spoken also chimp! This forks yes provoke! Win, win, win! Ammirite?”

    • FistOfXenu

      I’m glad I’m not incontinent yet.

      • richelieu jr

        The sort of womb that only comes with a swinging pussy, you mean?

        • Kim O’Brien

          OMG ..”swinging pussy” ” . I do believe that i can now say ..i have heard it all 😉

          • L. Wrong Hubturd

            I’m still trying to decide which version of swinging you’re meaning…

            • q-bird

              OMG!!! wha?!

              I’m late to the Sunday Funnies, reading along…
              and I get to this?! Oh!!!

              laughing, laughing here — thankfully laughing.

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              Hey, Richie jr up there ^^^^^^^ started it, I’m just tryin’ to get clarification. I need correct day-TAH.

      • richelieu jr

        We’ve spoken about this before, Fox. Put on your Depends just in case. What if you were in an accident and had one at the same time?

        • George Layton

          That would be a crappy touch assist.

    • stateofcircle

      It’s the great lost language of the elusive Homo Novis.

      • DodoTheLaser

        Is Nova Prime a new home for Homo Novis?

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Did someone say ANAGRAM?

      Anagram for “Those words mean not cause:” Too ascendent shrewmouse

      • richelieu jr

        I think you’re onto something, 3D!

  • Missionary Kid

    I just got two, beautiful terms over on Mike’s blog: “His hole-iness: “ and “Sciendollary”

  • DodoTheLaser

    Someone posted this yesterday on WWP:

    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/2q8ad8o.jpg[/IMG]

    “Book Description

    Publication Date: May 21, 2013

    Go beyond After Earth with this unique, in-universe journey into the world of the United Ranger
    Corps. From the history of the Rangers, to humanity’s exodus from Earth,
    and the ongoing battle against the Skrel, a fearsome alien race, the United Ranger Corps Survival Manual immerses you in the After Earthuniverse. Study the secrets of ghosting—the art of singlehandedly slaying the
    vicious Ursa—and complete your mastery of the cutlass, a Ranger’s greatest weapon, as you discover what it takes to be one of Nova Prime’s elite. Filled with interactive elements, including a schematic of the Ranger base, a complete guide to the highly evolved animals of Earth, and even a handwritten journal entry from Cypher Raige, theUnited Ranger Corps Survival Manual is the essential companion to the After Earth film.”
    https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/will-smith-new-movie-after-earth-criticised-for-scientology-references.111151/page-3#post-2313269

    I thought it was interesting. And yeah, Skrel is a fearsome alien race.

    • grundoon

      You can pick up this collector’s item in the $1 bin in about three weeks.

  • DodoTheLaser

    Jaden/Kitai’s action figure wearing E-Meter suit is cancelled:

    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/aepm4n.jpg[/IMG]

    “Cancelled: NECA After Earth Kitai Action Figure”
    http://www.actionfigurefury.com/news/action-figures/cancelled-neca-after-earth-kitai-action-figure/

    • media_lush

      what an insult…. not only is your movie shit but you’re not even going to be made into a puppet.

      no puppets for you!

      • DodoTheLaser

        Hahaha! I think Jaden will be glad, in the long run.

      • ze moo

        The Robot Chicken version of After Earth would be cool.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      I would have loved to have gotten one of these.

      • DodoTheLaser

        The E-Meter suit or action figure?

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Either one. But the Action Figure in this case…

          • DodoTheLaser

            Collector?

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              I am more of an accumulator than collector…

            • DodoTheLaser

              Cool 🙂

            • Captain Howdy

              I was bummed when I missed out on this one.

    • Spackle Motion

      I still remember Tony’s story that was an interview with John Travolta, the talking action figure from Battlefield Earth. I recall laughing quite loudly at that one.

      It’s too bad that we wouldn’t get a ‘next generation’ type of interview with a talking Jaden Smith action figure.

      • DodoTheLaser

        “It’s too bad that we wouldn’t get a ‘next generation’ type of interview with a talking Jaden Smith action figure.”

        Knowing Tony, you never know…

  • KNMF

    Damned aggravating that scientology extracts $9000 out of Nyburg before she leaves the cult.

    L Ron Hubbard’s processing really turns these people into chumps.

  • Spackle Motion

    This is too good not to share. A genius at WWP created this.

    • DodoTheLaser

      Ouch…

    • Captain Howdy

      Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

  • dbloch7986

    Hey guys,

    I finally have decided what I want to do with my life and it involves relocating to Texas, law school and writing a book. I created a donations page. I wrote a nice long blurb there, and you all know that you can contact me whenever you want if you have more questions. Love you guys.

    http://www.gofundme.com/15sp1k

    • The Dakini

      Yay! May you be successful in your endeavors and the path you take be evolving and revolutionary!
      So proud of Derek my dear. Xoxoxo!

      • dbloch7986

        Thank you! I am so excited. I am finally moving forward! I feel it is the beginning of many great things and new adventures.

        • The Dakini

          You should be excited. We are for you! I couldn’t think of a better cause than the growth and well being of your heart, soul and mind!

          I’ll be emailing you soon, to see about a Paypal gift for you! 😉

        • Poison Ivy

          I’m excited about your book, Derek….anything I can do to help!

    • Spackle Motion

      Oh boy. Law school….really? All I’ll say about your decision is that many, many people tried to talk me out of it, and that only made me want to go more. I was dumb and it was a dumb and expensive decision that I’m still paying for. Email me, Derek, if you want some advice on that.

      I am glad that you are going to be near your family. I think that is a good move.

      • dbloch7986

        Thank you for the warning. I think this is going to be good. I am not going to “law school” persay, I’m going to UTT, but I really want to be a lawyer.

        • Spackle Motion

          I think you will be a good one, actually. But law school is not for everyone, and there wasn’t much that I liked about it. There was a lot of frat boy type mentality there, a LOT more than what I ever saw in business school. It was Peyton Place on crystal meth, and that is not hyperbole.

          Anywhoo….I am glad that you are going to UTT. Getting an education is the single best thing you could do for yourself and your future. It is the one thing that cannot be taken away from you.

          Let’s still chat about it though, if you’d like some advice from a survivor.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      All the best to you!

      (But… Texas?)

      • dbloch7986

        That’s where my family is.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Ah. I should have remembered.

          • dbloch7986

            Haha no that’s okay. I’m sure you have your own life without having to remember mine! I know, gay and Texas don’t usually go in the same sentence, but I intend to change that!

            • V4Vacation

              There’s plenty of gay in Dallas, which is not too far from Tyler. 😉 Don’t forget long weekends in New Orleans. Check out Austin on spring or winter break, too. The thing about Texas is, rebels rule. So yes, there is a lot of stupidity, prejudice, conservative ignorance, and bible banging — but rebels and anarchists are given quarter. There are enclaves of smart, cool, progressive artists and thinkers and democratic change agents working from inside the belly of the beast and having a fun time doing it. You’ll do great.

          • Observer

            It’s the Crestor. That stuff fries your circuits, man. 😉

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      Derek, you are smart enough to raise the funds, but you should also know that there are scholarships out there for gifted students like you who have not had the advantages of other young people.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      swear, I was about to email asking what happened to plans for texas. great news, derek. so happy to hear you are ready to progress to next step, especially since you will have family close by. this made my day.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Excellent!!! I’m sooo glad you’re going to be near family!

  • sketto

    When my friends and I drink too much, we like to see who can invent the L Ron Hubbardiest bullshit quote that sounds profound-ish, but doesn’t say a fucking thing.

    Try it:
    No man can achieve true spiritual freedom if he doesn’t even know his own mind.
    Just give a man his head back and he can live a life of livingness.

    Who says that we cannot be what we haven’t been aware of in this beingness?

    But still, it’s hard to beat The Source for such crap: “Certainty is knowledge. Knowledge is certainty.” He really was the master!

    And of course, there’s no doubt that he sat back after issuing forth such dreck with that crooked, evil smile of his and waited for the oohs and aahs from the braindeads to wash over him.

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      “When we cease to breathe, we cease to live.”
      — L. Ron Hubbard

    • DodoTheLaser

      I have a real one for you, straight from the Ol’Man:

      “The power of an Operating Thetan is such that if he were to pick up a steel cylinder, capable of resisting several hundred pounds to the square inch, he would have the same problem that you have with the cellophane.

      His problem is: how does he touch things without crushing them? He picks up his steel cylinder and he looks at it and it’s got a dent on both sides.

      You actually should practice this with a cellophane cigarette wrapper to get the exact sensation of being careful that an Operating Thetan has in handling MEST. You’ll find it quite restimulative.”

      From recorded lecture “The State Of OT” by L. Ron Hubbard.

      • DodoTheLaser

        Q: Where are these amazing OT’s?!
        A: Man Of Steel coming to theaters near you on June 14th.

      • Observer

        Then why can’t Tom Cruise shift his teeth around?

  • DodoTheLaser

    Sarge delivers another good one:
    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/102mnlv.png[/IMG]
    It’s interesting how it can be perceived both pro and against,
    depending on one’s viewpoint/position.
    http://markrathbun.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/dichotomies/#comment-267136

    This is good.

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      In the legal world, “consideration” means money or something of value.

      • DodoTheLaser

        Good point.

        Also, just a refresher for people who don’t know, Steve “Sarge” Pfauth (trusted friend of LRH),
        was with Hubbard til the last day.

        Sarge is clearly a honest man, since he revealed things about LRH that put every
        kind of scientologist in the state of actual thinking, including Sarge himself, and made
        every critic to rejoice.

        Things we learned from Sarge so far:

        – LRH asked Sarge to build E-Meter that will be powerful enough to blow some pesky BT and help LRH to leave his body, which was implemented (assisted suicide/cause of strokes?)

        – LRH told Sarge he’s failed and that he will be circling Arcturus star to rehab himself

        – Sarge observed LRH walking around the ranch in his PJ’s mumbling incoherently

        – Sarge confirmed that LRH signed his last will 2 days before he died, but was in no right shape

        – Sarge wondered WTF was OT III about, rightly so (probably still does, but mindfuck is strong)

        To be continued, hopefully…

        Sarge, if you are reading this, THANK YOU for sharing – so very much!
        This is public service. The best kind. As long as it’s truth. Love.

        • BosonStark

          If Sarge knew these things from being a maintenance guy, imagine all the stories Pat Broeker could tell, which is also why he had to be watched. Sarge’s story also fortifies Jesse Prince — I think it was — who said that in his final months or even few years (I forget which), Hubbard was preoccupied with his BT infestation.

  • DodoTheLaser

    Someone at Boston Herald just posted this:

    A Scientology film festival?

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/amp5xh.png[/IMG]

    http://bostonherald.com/entertainment/movies/hollywood_mine/2013/06/a_scientology_film_festival

    Interesting.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Thanks, Dodo.. I’m glad I didn’t miss that..

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    So, a billion dollars, at least, later, and one, ONE, “executive” in a German police force shows mild interest, and that is the victory? Miscavige is following Bernie Madoff into a hell of his own design. He is being forced to acknowledge the loss of members, and consequent drop in money. Who does he blame? An insurrection! By doing so, he showed his own hand, accusing the “insurrection” of being out “to get money for themselves.” And so the church of scientology’s swan song is Miscavige whining about money while he sits on a billion dollars and lives a life of luxury.

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    Carol’s story of having to pay because her handlers spent so much time looking for her after she escaped, is like a rape victim being extorted to pay for the mental and physical care of the rapist. “Because of you, I was forced to rape you, now I am suffering, you OWE me…” Honestly, the stories are increasingly more bizarre

    • Spackle Motion

      That exact scenario happened recently in California where a judge forced a rape victim to pay her rapist. The rape victim was a wife that was raped by her husband, and the judge forced her to pay alimony even when the husband was in jail.

      There’s no shortage of stupidity in the court system. Some politicians were taking up the cause for new legislation.

      • Sunny Sands

        In many states, rape laws do not apply to spouses. An ex-spouse is a different story.

  • media_lush

    Man, Sony must be doubly pissed as After Earth was supposed to showcase it’s 4K technology and pretty much everyone is saying the special FX are some of the worst ever.{Let alone the movie…. }

    http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/behind-screen/cine-gear-earth-4k-draws-561643

  • EnthralledObserver

    Oh no… no new story this evening (morning)? Does this mean something exciting is brewing for a little bit later? *hopes*

    • Observer

      He posted on Facebook that he took some time off and that today’s blog post would be delayed. He also said, and I quote, “Many stories coming!”

      It’s like Christmas every day around here!

  • Sidney18511
    • Captain Howdy

      Thanks.

  • ze moo