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It’s Ron’s Birthday, And Your Present is More Scientology Stuff to Spend Money On!

LRHBirthdayScientology founder L. Ron Hubbard would have been 102 years old on March 13, but the church he left behind has been celebrating his 102nd for a couple of weeks now.

Last night, the Shrine Auditorium filled up with eager Los Angeles-area Scientologists for this year’s big Birthday Event. But we’re already getting some reports from last week’s shindig which was held in Clearwater, Florida.

What’s this year’s big reveal? Well, it looks like church leader David Miscavige is finally rolling the dice on the big new project we’ve been telling you about since last summer, which will give church members even more ways to turn over their every last dime on the way to total freedom!

But don’t take our word for it. Get a load of this report which Andrea Doven (Tom Cruise’s former personal assistant) sent to LA church members a few days ago to get them stoked for last night’s party. As we first told you about last July, Miscavige is releasing the Golden Age of Tech 2, and apparently he made a big deal about it at the Birthday Event…

Thought I would share some of the below feedback from the LRH Birthday event at Flag this past week end!

Join us this Saturday, March 23 at the Shrine Auditorium!!!

Love,
Andrea Doven
CCINT OTC Co- Chair

— Oh man! Holy MOTHER, this is so fantastic to see. The Ideal Orgs that are springing up – I mean EVERYWHERE! And yeah, that proves it — it can be done EVERYWHERE! This is a time to wear the title of
“Scientologist” proudly. I am really proud to wear it myself — prouder than ever! I am very happy to be here tonight and watch history go down. It is phenomenal how well we’re doing.

— The Source Briefing was incredible. It was very personal and intimate and gave an insight into LRH. The part that stood out the most was the briefing on the Ideal Orgs. The fact that the smaller orgs can also make it means everything. All orgs will be able to make it and this does not need to take long. This was a great event!

— I thought the event was the best ever! It is very inspiring to see COB’s goal come to fruition. I realize what seemed impossible IS possible. And it made me realize this is how life can go. I also loved the LRH stories and getting glimpse of his wonderful sense of humor. It truly makes him seem like an old friend to me.

— This event was awesome. The Ideal Orgs, their wins, their expansion, it just doesn’t stop. And it’s going to keep getting bigger. COB really meant it when he said what is coming, and I see that I have a glimpse of what is ahead of us. I have been around for a long time. And I have been pushing for a long time. And what is coming right now are really the important steps that are going to make us make it.

— This was fantastic. The Ideal Orgs were stunning. All the things that are coming, that are happening, is part of the promises that they would be here. It just amazes me that we just keep getting bigger and bigger so fast. I loved the event. I loved that it was A to B. And I loved where we are headed.

— I enjoyed every bit of the event. Particularly I loved the winners. I have worked with so many of these people, and it is so good to see them up on stage, and see them win. It was really incredible. I absolutely loved the LRH Biographer and everything that he said.

— COB was incredible. His delivery of this event was so powerful. I am so excited about the Golden Age of Tech Phase II. And what my concept is of what it will bring.

— I LOVED this so much! This was so validating of our group and so fabulous to see the Ideal Orgs that are being built – I really got the point of where we needed to get to and why. It makes such sense.

— This was FABULOUS! I love watching the stories about LRH. And the visual effects makes you feel like you’re there. It’s so inspiring and makes you feel closer to Source, just learning this.

— I loved the stage! It was gorgeous. I loved the telling of the LRH stories, the visualization and the films and all that went into it. And the whole night it just such a wonderful validation of our group. I loved the Ideal Org presentation. I see that my continent really needs to get busy on this as we have a lot of work to do. We need to work as a team to get this done. This was a wonderful event!

— The best part of the event for me was the news about Golden Age of Tech Phase II coming! I absolutely loved the speakers of the Ideal Org Grand Openings. It creates such an impact. It is such a big deal. What I really liked is how the Source presentation was done. The LRH stories and how it was visualized. From this event I really got that we have arrived at a pivotal point of our Church’s expansion. We are so ready to go with the Ideal Orgs, Golden Age of Tech II and we are unstoppable!

— This was an amazing event. The best part was the LRH Biography part. I get to know more about LRH and to see what a kind person he was, not only the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology. Also I like the fact that we get to hear and see about the Ideal Orgs which have opened and the future ones on the horizon.

— The new Ideal Orgs were what really hit me the most tonight. They are magnificent. I want to get more training and do more to help. I want to help make a better world.

— Wow! This event was incredible! My most favorite part of the event was the LRH Biographer’s briefing on LRH! The way the presentation was done was superb! It amazed me to see just how much LRH was an opinion leader no matter where he was! He always made remarkable changes for the better! The Ideal Orgs that opened were also great! As a result, I am going to do more in my area and be a part of the team that is disseminating and creating huge Scientology expansion!

— Wow! The event was incredible! I loved hearing the stories about LRH and this one was particularly entertaining. This event really inspired me to want to contribute more and to be more active.

 
As we’ve explained earlier, David Miscavige is taking a huge risk with Golden Age of Tech 2. When he rolled out the first version in 1996, many longtime Scientologists perceived it as an unforgivable rewriting of L. Ron Hubbard’s “technology.” Some people date the current schism pushing many longtime members out of the church to this moment, when Miscavige changed the way people went up “the Bridge.” And now, he’s done it again, right as the church is gripped by more crises than ever. Will church members, who are already exhausted by so much fundraising, put up with yet another alteration to the Bridge and even more ways to spend their money — including an expensive new e-meter? It’s a bold move by Miscavige, but a dangerous one.

Let’s move on to another hyperventilating mailer about how much the “Ron Series” encyclopedia is going to change the world….

RonSeriesOp1RonSeriesOp2RonSeriesOp3RonSeriesOp4RonSeriesOp5RonSeriesOp6

 
Meanwhile, in Nashville, the world is being cleared at a remarkable rate…

CCNash

 
We were sent this mailer by a northern California tipster who points out that this message actually indicates how anemic recruitment is these days…

NorCal

 
Finally, we must pass on this great Venn diagram of pseudoscientific nonsense, which anoints Scientology as the king of all nonsense. We knew we were focusing on what matters…

VennD

 
Thanks again to our great tipsters for another week of entheta. Keep it coming!

 
—————-

NOTICE

The Underground Bunker’s father celebrated his birthday last night, and we are grateful for our commenters, who kept things lively on the blog while we traveled to party with the old man, who drank us under the table, as is only just.

We have a full week of stories planned, and there should be no interruption of the blog, but we may not have much interaction in the comments section while we are on the road. We are focused on family matters and some reporting away from the Bunker. It should pay off for everyone involved, so please do not lower your expectations. Big stories are coming. Sincerely, the management.

 
—————-

SMERSH Madness: Sowing the Seeds of World Domination!

As we announced on March 1, we’re joining bracket fever with a tournament like no other. It’s up to you to decide who should be named the new SMERSH, the traditional nemesis of Scientology. Cast your vote for who’s doing more to propel the church down its long slide into oblivion!

Our final match of the Sweet Sixteen! Tomorrow, we begin selecting bracket finalists!

MaryVsMark

Mary Rieser may be in some big trouble. She ran the Scientology drug rehab program in the Atlanta area, Narconon Georgia, but a wrongful death lawsuit uncovered stunning documents about the way she ran the place, and the fancy tales she told the public. After a state judge publicly declared her a liar, Mary’s been relieved of her duties, but there’s still a criminal fraud investigation that may ensnare her further. Will she become a symbol of Scientology’s deceptive practices finally getting their comeuppance? (Previously: Rieser defeated Louis Farrakhan in the first round.)

Mark Bunker was the man who brought video about Scientology to the Internet. Before the arrival of Anonymous in 2008, you can bet that just about any online video about the church was either created or uploaded by Bunker. He then became even more well known as Wise Beard Man, the person who counseled Anonymous that peaceful demonstration was the way to get word out about Scientology. And today, he’s working on a documentary that is going to feature amazing interviews, judging by the glimpses we’ve seen. (Previously: Bunker defeated Lawrence Wright in the first round.)

 
Go to our March 1 post for the latest tournament results.

 
——————-

Posted by Tony Ortega on March 24, 2013 at 07:00

 

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  • John P.

    Andrea Doven e-mail: So this is what Valley Girls sound like when they’re 50 years old. The same vacuous prose, empty superlatives and breathless enthusiasm which remains absolutely content-free. But underneath the breathless adjectives it’s possible to divine some trends:

    Note that the Ideal Org is the first thing she talks about. Detail free. “It can be done EVERYWHERE!” But where, exactly, are the Ideal Orgs springing up? They have talked in the past about all the locations opened, but here they haven’t. Is the pace slowing?

    My favorite quote: “It [the ‘Source Briefing”] was very personal and intimate and gave an insight into LRH.” Perhaps it was personal and intimate because nobody showed up, and the handful of actual attendees was able to sit personally and intimately in the front row of Ruth Eckerd hall? Pro tip for Andrea: normally when you are trying to tease people into being excited about something, you give details. You talk about “insight into LRH.” But what, pray tell, did you learn about LRH that you didn’t previously know? Give me just a sentence or two. What did they tell you that you couldn’t learn from reading your Ron-o-pedia that you previously bought five times over?

    And let’s end all the randomly ordered breathless drivel on an up note: “Wow! The event was incredible! I loved hearing the stories about LRH and this one was particularly entertaining. This event really inspired me to want to contribute more and to be more active.” Which story did you find particularly entertaining? Let us in with a hint, sweet cheeks… Otherwise we think you are unable to edit copy.

    And while this mentions Golden Age of Tech Phase II, I note that 11 of 15 paragraphs mention Ideal Orgs. So while there may be some amazing, incredible, unbelievable, fantastic new “tech” on the horizon, the preoccupation with Ideal Orgs doesn’t sound likely to take a back seat to some new swindle any time soon.

    Bringing the Ron Series to Opinion Leaders of Earth: Apparently, the library swindle (with 16,698 different branch libraries in the US) didn’t raise enough money, so Miscavige wants to raise money for nearly 10 times as many copies to be sent out to “government officials,” judges, chiefs of police and educators/scholars. I am sure that other than the handful of new religion scholars like Professor Kent your average physics or economics professor is going to make room on their cluttered office bookshelves for a Ron-o-pedia that they can consult any time they want to see how Source would have solved problems in their discipline. After all, Ron’s failed course in “nuclear physics” in 1929 would have prepared him to render top-notch advice to today’s physicists pondering dark matter, cosmic background radiation, etc. Seriously, though, the brass of Miscavige to unleash another library scam with even harder-to-validate recipients to gull the faithful yet again is just breathtaking.

    The Gambia learns about Study Tech: They never quit, do they. The Gambia is one of the smallest countries in Africa. Fifty years after Hubbard’s comically bizarre attempt to take over Rhodesia, we now have the slimy tentacles of Study Tech reaching into one of the poorest countries in Africa and the world (The Gambia’s nominal per capita GDP of $543 is markedly less than Haiti’s). Fortunately, I doubt that the school system in the country is actually using Study Tech; this is one of those cases where I hope they’re completely fabricating the story after an initial non-committal meeting with the Ambassador.

    Nashville Celebrity Center: They’re bragging about making more clears by having the new suckers homo novii hold up their serial numbers? Great idea, until you start to do the math on how many years the Nashville CC has been open and divide six and seven, the serial numbers, by the number of years they’ve been at it (they opened the new place in April 2009). Boy, they sure are booming the stats with lots of straight up and vertical expansion.

    Northern California success: As near as I can figure, they’re saying you get points for donating to Mountain View that add to your points for donating to your home org, so that you don’t have to start over on the ladder of winning cheap plaques and tacky trophies. I liken this to the days when I used to fly commercial, when one threadbare, bankrupt airline would take over another, and they would combine the balance in their mileage programs. The good news is more points, the bad news is crappier service and fewer flights.

    The Venn Diagram: The numbers geek in me always loves Venn diagrams, and the funny ones are best. I am intrigued that Scientology is even more bizarre on this chart than “ear candles.” I had to go look that one up. But after long reflection, I guess they’re right. Ear candling is only one bizarre ritual. A faith founded by a known tomato torturer that sells you on alien DC-8s carrying hydrogen bombs is just off the hook crazy by comparison.

    • Sherbet

      As usual, John P, you nailed the story behind the story.

      • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

        We in the Church of Scientology love, “vacuous prose, empty superlatives and breathless enthusiasm which remains absolutely content-free,” and that is why Danny Sherman is COB’s wordsmith extraordinaire!

        As for excitement. One word: POW! The Golden Age of Tech Phase Two promises to crack your case faster and harder than, metaphorically speaking, thousands of bowling balls being fired at you from a series of powerful air cannons arranged in a circle and at different elevations so that, yes, no matter what you did to evade you can be sure of one thing: You are going to get hit in the face by hundreds or thousands of bowling balls and that is what we mean by straight up and vertical magnitudes of expansion in an Ideal Org World so big and booming that no matter where you turn there is an LRH book offering the exact technology needed to audit society from three feet behind its head while using your OT Powers to sniff out and nuke psych funding lines, and all of this while you complete the St. Hill Special Briefing Course while suspended upside down and blindfolded inside of pitch black water tower on Mars, and yet even then you can easily create so much new time and space that you effortlessly have time to call all of your clients and close all of your deals and make it in time to attend the OT Prosperity Conference aboard The Freewinds where COB presents you with your IAS Beta Uranium Status while both you and he are stably exterior with full perception.

        And that is just but one metaphorical description of The Golden Age of Tech Phase Two. Once you actually get in session with these super-powerful technical rundowns it’s WOW! I never dreamed that the Tech contained magnitudes of power and, no, this has nothing to do with ear candles or the hollow earth unless that is true for you!

        • DMSTCC

          You are going to get hit in the face by hundreds or thousands of bowling balls […] while both you and he are stably exterior with full perception.

          Wow, 173 words in one sentence. I smell promotion.

          • John P.

            Notwithstanding the lengthy sentences, OTVIIIisGrrr8 will not get promoted until he can begin every fifth sentence with “Notwithstanding” like Mullet Boy Sherman does. Time to crack out the dictionary and start word clearing excessively long prepositions.

            • DMSTCC

              He would need more sentences to do that.

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Notwithstanding your fully professional observations of COB semantics, and to be more to point by way of highlighting and illuminating the tremendous responsibility COB has when he walks onto the stage to brief 3.9 billion Scientologists on the Golden Age of Tech Phase Two, and moreover to amplify the embracive nature of Planetary Clearing whether it be inside a school bus in Belize, a boardroom in Brussels, or a brothel in Bombay, yes, you can be 100% certain that Scientology Volunteer ministers will be there to deliver needed touch assists and copies of The Way to Happiness, a book of nonreligious morality that has been read, clay-demo’d, and word clear by countless billions of people spanning the globe and this is why crime is down globally and literacy is skyrocketing in lands written off long ago by the Psychs as backwards swamps of despair fit only to be bombed with Psych drugs funded by UN aid dollars behind which sat a cabal of British bankers bent on global destruction using the false promises of “feel good” chemicals to create a New World Order of slavery and drones that fly around and kill people based on theur microexpressions, which said microexpressions are a just another product line extension of the deadly Psych treatise known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a work full of invented mental illnesses that not only do not exist but in fact serve as a template of chemical slavery fueled by the greed of Big Pharma and its hidden connections to Interpol, the CIA, SMERSH, and finally, yes, the R6 bank itself which has kept this planet in thrall for the past seventy-five millions years and which is why we in the Church of Scientology have the only effective way out of this seventy-five million year old trap, and that way out is as precise as Einstein and as effective as oxygen and this is why we know that every Scientologist everywhere stands for Freedom, which is to say that, yes, they believe so very much in Ideal Orgs and the technical revolution that is hurtling toward them like an out of control Venutian locomotive and, by way of announcing that the future is here now, yes, we in RTC speak of COB RTC David Miscavige’s upcoming and planetary-changing announcement of the Golden Age of Tech Phase Two.

              Notwithstanding, you can jump off a bridge or kill yourself but if choose Scientology you will be happy with you and we in Scientology will be very happy with you.

            • DMSTCC

              Holy MOTHER, you crashed my sentence word counter.

            • Your word counter is squirreled out-tech!

            • jojo neal

              The above is so superfragilistically unprecedented expansionistically overthetop like WOW, I have to go lie down. With an ice pack on my thetans.

            • Do not use ice packs on your thetans!

              It will restimulate their engrams of being frozen on the journey from Marcabia to Teegeeack and cause catastrophic enturbulation.

              (Also stay a safe distance away from volcanoes, which will have a similar effect. And avoid drinking alcohol and glycol until you are feeling better.)

              Andrew

            • jojo neal

              But my personal Kiwi keeps pressing liquor upon me! “Have a little glass of wine, honey ” (wink wink)
              Kiwis are so enturbulating!

            • jojo neal

              p.s. Glycol? Is it good mixed with Beaujolais?

            • coonellie

              Oh, and how they love their sheep…

            • We in New Zealand are displeased with inaccurate statistics regarding the numbers of sheep relative to the numbers of humans.

              There are presently 4,461,657 people in New Zealand and a paltry 31,265,676 sheep as of yesterday afternoon at 3:16 pm. This is a ratio of only 7 sheep per person which is a sensible balance.

              I blame Bruce Mason for these myths:

              “… grooming him for his inheritance, called Kirklees, would you believe, forty miles from Gisborne, twenty-five thousand acres of rolling up-lands, sheep as thick as maggots….”

              – ‘Blood of the Lamb’ 1981

              Andrew

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Dangerous and highly restimulative mental image pictures can only be safely handled by we in the Church of Scientology! Any attempts to handle in other ways will result in death. You have been warned!

              http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/puyehue-volcano-chile_zps89bdc844.jpg

            • John P.

              That graphic with all the lightning looks like the startup screen on my Android phone. Android is a product of Google. Does that mean that Google is attempting to restimulate an R6 implant whenever my phone boots up?

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              We in RTC are so very sorry that you have discovered one of the best kept secrets in the universe.

              If you keep quiet about it we in RTC will mail you a large box of money.

            • Nanette Cox

              OMG. Are you for real OTVIIIisGrrr8?

            • Chocolate Velvet

              OTVIII, you amaze me…

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Likewise!

            • Chocolate Velvet

              🙂

            • Captain Howdy

              That comment made me feel like the time I accidentally shot up some MDA thinking it was meth.

            • Jgg2012

              How is Shelly doing?

            • grundoon

              Bravo! Standing ovation!

        • Jgg2012

          OT8, I admire your thinkness, knowingness and beingness, not to mention your loquaciousness. Only LRH could do better. Now show us an effing clear.

  • FLUNK101

    Not too long ago I was in Times Square with some time to kill. I stopped in NY Org. I hadn’t been inside there for over 30 years.
    There was nobody there …  the receptionist was not even a New Yorker … she was from a 3rd world country, and she told me she took her 1st course when she was ten. She explained to me that Scientology was “knowledge” to live your life, but she didn’t look too happy … she smiled like she was in pain.
    The public area was a shrine to Hubbard, with audio visual installations and museum-like displays … but no people. 
    It’s amazing too me the money they spend to make things look legit. They must have a lot of money … all those ill-gotten gains from years ago, and those days are not coming back.
    They have displays outside as well, and most people walking by looked askance at them …  like the place didn’t belong there on 46th street.

    • This is also how big blue looks. And the Hubbard Life Exhibition. Same sad girl who almost speaks English that you just want to give a hamburger to.

    • 1subgenius

      What is “not too long ago?”

      • FLUNK101

        A few days ago …

        • 1subgenius

          Helpful, thanks.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Were you apprehensive at first?
          What made you decide to go do that after so long?

          • FLUNK101

            Hi BTN.
            Yes, I was a little apprehensive. I didn’t want to be recognized or “busted” as an ex-Scientologist, because then they would treat me like a runaway slave.
            “What made you decide to do that after so long?”
            You did, with your recent “snooping around” down in Clearwater.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Doh!
              Mama always said I was a bad influence!

              Did you check your wallet afterwords and count your credit cards?
              Did she try to get you to take a course or buy a book?

              Next time tell us so we can tie a harness to you and fish you outta there if they try to kidnap you!

            • Captain Howdy

              You almost got the poor guy shanghaied. They could have drugged his diet Fresca and next you know he would have woken up on the Freewinds in the chain locker.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              If that would have happened, I would have launched an “ARGO worthy” search and rescue mission to bring back Flunk from those Scieno Pirates!
              They got him once, but they aren’t getting him twice!

            • FLUNK101

              Thanks, BTN!

            • FLUNK101

              I never forgot your story of the sad, 300+ lb. Sea Org Girl, “stuffing a calzone down her throat.”
              I was on 46th st. Every other woman walking down the street is wearing boots and black tights. Here comes a young lady in dark slacks and a white dress shirt (tucked in), and she seemed to be heading towards the pizza joint next to the org.
              She’s goin’ for the calzone! I thought.
              But she went in the org, instead … and I went in after her, and started looking around.
              Thanks, BTN!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I think of that girl everyday now! I bought this great Kate Spade tote in Nassau, but now every time I look at my purse I think of that girl and wonder about her and what she is doing or thinking.

    • Jgg2012

      But the NYC area only has 17 million people.

      • FLUNK101

        So true … such a lonely place, New York … they have to import staff members from other countries!

  • 1subgenius

    Duke still sucks.

  • This event was awesome! Hopefully no one will notice that every time I start a new thought I have to reiterate that everything is great.

    This event was so cool! I wonder how an auditorium full of people could ever be considered intimate?

    This event makes up for everything! How many more Hubbard stories can we dredge up and film before even the most ardent believer gets suspicious?

    This event proves we’re not scamming you! Even though this event is totally about how the small org must give us cash in order to go ideal!

    THIS EVENT! THIS EVENT! THIS EVENT!

  • Andrea Doven is not right in the head! Her breathless and repetitive logorrhea indicates a tsunami in her cerebral cortex.

    This is a bad thing and she should be kept well away from sharp objects, explosive items and other dangerous paraphernalia.

    Her body thetans are running amuck and may cause serious space-time anomalies in this sector of the galaxy.

    Andrew

    • Gigi

      Was all that from one person? I thought it was from multiple people, confused…..

      And god help us if it was from one person….it sounds like she was hyper ventilating words, they all sound the same, ragged and manic.

    • Bob

      Andrew, Yes. I would say that Scientology is the excitotoxin(MSG) of the cult world. For those who don’t know the term here is a link. It is obvious that Andrea has ingested way to much MScnG.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excitotoxicity

    • Ze Moo

      Valley Girl meets scieno speak. Not a happy combination. Perhaps a caffeine induced rush or actual speed did that trick. Just like her hero Lron….

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Andrew, it’s not quite as dire for Andrea as you seem tot think. Andrea was not having a stroke as you imply; she was rather simply enjoying the “Glee of Insanity” with her fellow Scientologists.

      We in RTC can assure you that penning gushing prose is characteristic of the Glee of Insanity as is carrying on like a bunch of holy rollers:

      http://youtu.be/MeihphUeXVs

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    anyone still attending events must be being blackmailed. those comments sound like the terrified adults of the little kid who could “wish” them into the cornfields. Ronopedia is another Basics nightmare as well as DM’s lazy ass Do Over #3. The true deterioration and cuckoo nest condition of the orgs is in mike rinders blog, a report from jason barckay? recent staff out. Homeland Security needs to read it. It is stomch churning, very frightening. homeless man, meth addicts swooped off street made to become instant staff,dangerous physical wrecklesness, months of electric bills ignored while paying DMs “handling” fees, mental, physical, verbal abuse dialed up past 11, asbestos dust in air cond, vents.

    Scientolgys last gasp is accelerating. Gotten so bad sunday funnies sad. on tablet, cant get link to jasons story. warning…dont read too early or eating.

  • I just wanted to compile these.

    “Oh man! Holy MOTHER, this is so fantastic to see. The Source Briefing was incredible. I thought the event was the best ever! This event was awesome. This was fantastic. I enjoyed every bit of the event. COB was incredible. I LOVED this so much! This was FABULOUS! I loved the stage! This was an amazing event. Wow! This event was incredible! Wow! The event was incredible!”

    • FLUNK101

      GREAT!!!

    • hogarthian

      It reads like the internal dialogue of a labrador puppy. perfect!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        There is no need to go around insulting perfectly good labradors!

      • John P.

        Sort of like this classic comparing the daily journals of dogs and cats: http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/humor/otherhumor/dog_cat_diary.htm

        • BuryTheNuts2

          That was freaking perfect!

        • That was/is hilarious! Thanks!

        • Captain Howdy

          That was the funniest most fantastic hilarious thing ever !!!!

          And I think you need a new avatar. Same guy, just a bit older and more “suave”

          • Chocolate Velvet

            Amazing choice, cap’n! It’s perfect for the modern capitalist. Especially that hair!

          • Chocolate Velvet

            Amazing choice, cap’n! It’s perfect for the modern capitalist. Especially that hair!

            • Captain Howdy

              Liberace was the ultimate capitalist. Gordonn Gekko was an amateur compared to Lee.

          • John P.

            I’m sticking with the tried and true. All those rhinestones glitter too much and might accidentally obscure the stock prices on the screen. I’d hate to misplace a decimal point and buy 80,000,000 shares of Apple when I only meant to buy 8,000,000 because I misplaced my sparkle. I have economic might and lots of expensive toys but Liberace had actual talent. Underneath the candelabra and the glitz, he was a gifted pianist.

          • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

            Capt. Howdy: Danny Sherman looked at that avatar and said. “WOW! Now that is a suave new look and I want! it!”

            But then COB RTC David Miscavige looked at the avatar and elbowed Danny in the face. COB said that, no, this new look belonged to COB and that he, Danny, had to keep the mullet and his yellow Cadillac.

            Danny whimpered in that way he whimpers when he does not get his way. COB did not like Danny’s blackflashing in this way.

            COB pounced on Danny put him into a headlock, scolded him for backflashing, and then ordered Danny into his room for the rest of the day!

            This suave new look is COB’s and no one else can have it!

            http://i1284.photobucket.com/albums/a563/OTVIIIisGrrr8/COBSuaveNewLook_zpsdd0bdbef.png

            • Captain Howdy

              Oh my fecking xenu !

            • FistOfXenu

              Have you been prying into my 2D?

            • Chocolate Velvet

              Dear god…
              it’s…
              beautiful!

              Plus it adds another inch in height over his old coiff! Well done, sir!

            • jojo neal

              EEEWWWW!

        • hogarthian

          laughoutloudage!!! Indeed, EXACTLY like that!

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          Bacon! baconbaconbacon Bacon! tks for belly laugh, jp

        • jojo neal

          That crossed my mind too, not to insult labs, BTN, who as we all know are smarter than most humans.

      • How many labrador retrievers does it take to change a lightbulb?

        Can I help can I help canihelpcanihelp? Can I can I can I can I? *crash*

    • Interesting how they take “Holy MOTHER” from Catholicism and use it in vain.

      • FistOfXenu

        Not Catholic. It’s a reference to “that ol’ mother, Hubbard,” right?

        • hogarthian

          oh HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

      • jojo neal

        Unless she meant it as “m-f-‘ Which is just as offensive.

    • FistOfXenu

      Thanks Noah. I’m glad I saw your comment 1st, I was thinking of doing the same thing. But I think people didn’t say “amazing” and “AMAZING” enough.

      • villagedianne

        Ha! Yeah, remember when Tom Cruise kept describing Katie as an Amazing Woman. Right up until their Amazing Divorce.

        • FistOfXenu

          Not forgetting Katie’s Amazing Screw-over and Tom’s Amazing Screwedness.

    • Captain Howdy

      Andrea Adjective to the rescue !

      I guess that little “pep talk” T.C (The Creep) gave her, did the job.

    • SandiCorrena

      whew that was good; got a cigarette?

    • monkeyknickers

      HAHA! And does this woman not realize that every single “testimonial” sounds the same and that it’s pretty clear to everybody that she wrote them all herself?

      • I think it’s just barely possible that they were written by multiple people. Scientologists express themselves in nearly-identical ways. For any other organization, it would be obvious that these were all written by one person, but for Scientology, I dunno.

        • monkeyknickers

          Actually, that’s a really good point, L. I didn’t even think about it like that. And the 2 times I was able to talk to my sister, she was def speaking some weird ass foreign language.

        • monkeyknickers

          That’s a really good point actually.

    • shell lancaster

      How old is she? Sounds like a stoned teengaer lol. Well edited noah 🙂

  • jensting

    Good thing all of those respnses don’t sound like they were written by the exact same person!

    Aam I the only person whose eyes are hurt by the font in “CLEAR” from CC Nash?
    Oh; and sorry, Mark.

  • 10oriocookies

    Reiser was also the OT Committee Chairman of her local org. Her learned behavior of swindling people out of money served the church and narconon well. I think they are still keeping her around though. Why wouldnt they? she can still lie and cheat to get money right? My vote is for Mary.

  • Noticeably missing from the birthday event feedback is a current status on Narconon.
    Sending copies of the Nutterpedia to government officials, justice officials, chiefs of police, educators and scholars may be beneficial to Anonymous. The opinion leaders can see for themselves the wackiness of it all. I hope they put the book with the tomato on the top.

  • I wonder what she loved the most about the celebration?

    • BuryTheNuts2

      baahaaahaa

    • FistOfXenu

      The sound of her own voice talking about it?

    • mirele

      The many !!excl!ama!tion!!! marks she got to use to demonstrate her loyalty to COB (forget love, it’s not on the tone scale).

    • Handing over her money to a psychopathic dwarf that would kill her if she stopped.

  • 10oriocookies

    Its sad how much influence the church and scientologist think they have over the population of Earth. Great job CC Nashville! 7 clears since you opened up. How many clears world wide? Doesnt matter. Butterflies and grasshoppers actually create more of an affect on Earth’s population than Scientology ever will. It was a great event! BEST EVER!!!! WE ARE HUGE!!! WE ARE GREAT!!!! COB IS THE BEST PERSON EVER!!!! I WANT TO HAVE LRH’S THETA BABY!!! BARF!!!!

    • Johan

      Well done. You win the exclamation mark competition.

  • EnthralledObserver

    Wise and Beard… winning combination.

  • sharon brown

    Golden Age of Tech II ? I hear a stampede for the exits coming, Again !!! Thanks ,Davey, you have truly Mastered the skill of screwing your members over & overand… But my Favorite of today’s entries was LRH’s quote, ” I know no man who has a monopoly upon the wisdom of the universe…truth though fought will Always in the End Prevail .” Thanks LRH for reminding Us here at the bunker, that things may take time , but truth will prevail ! The clock Is ticking faster ! Sorry ,Mark, but Mary Wins for lying her butt of in court and Finally being caught ! Lol! Thanks Mary, Davey and LRH for giving Us Hope ! To Downstats !!!

  • 1subgenius

    Happy B-day to Underground Bunker Daddy.

  • chris

    What’s up with Mark Bunker’s website? I clicked on his site and got “Safari can’t find server.” Ditto on The Knowledge Report. What happened? Have the Scibots infiltrated his web presence??

    • MO Mom

      maybe a system hiccup. Is up now.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    OK, this is a big one and looks fun. So far I have only made it through Andrea Doven.
    This woman is cray,cray. No wonder she works PR. she can slap more empty superlatives into a paragraph of no substance than anyone I have ever witnessed.
    She probably sends out press releases for her own bowel movements.
    More coffee!

    • Observer

      And here’s my fervent hope that COB never teams Doven and Sherman up to write anything …

      • FistOfXenu

        Could be hilarious. And Grant and Elena can serve it up as a Crap (Cardone rap). Even more hilarious.

        • Captain Howdy

          “Crap Music” a new sub-genre of Hip Hop started by the Cardonians.

  • Davka

    I just assume that all the quotes in Andrea’s e- mail are made up. Or at minimum tweaked from whatever someone said. I’ve written “quotes” for senior executives before, I assume this is no different.

  • Anonymous

    I think they used a site like http://www.sloganizer.net/en/

    Give it a try with words like “L. Ron fantastic event” and have a little fun … 🙂

    • 1subgenius

      Fun.

      “Let’s talk about Scientology Cult Fail.”

    • Captain Howdy

      After 6 tries I got one I’m happy with.

      «Scientology after a long day.»

      • FistOfXenu

        Just tried this site and got
        “Oh my gods, it’s a $cientarCONon”
        “Up, up and away with $cientarCONon” (they never heard of “straight up and vertical”)
        “You don’t want $cientarCONon as your enemy!”
        and my favorite
        “$cientarCONon – Yabba Dabba Duh!”

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Nice to see dad can still drink son under the table.
    All is right with the world!

    • Captain Howdy

      Old man strength in action.

      • 1subgenius

        Old bull and young bull on a hill looking down on a herd of cows.
        Young bull: Hey old man let’s run down there and screw one of them cows.
        Old bull: No, let’s walk down and screw them all.

  • Pepsicat

    It must sting Jan Silber, the ED of Mountain View, to be named “our last shining star.” In the late 90’s her org won the birthday game but that was the year the Ideal Org program came out. She and her entire staff flew to Clearwater to receive the award, but Davey didn’t announce her as the winner. Instead it was all about Buffalo, Tampa and San Francisco. She and her staff were devastated and it took years to shrug it off. She was intent on finding a new space and modeling it after the Ideal Org program and a few years later, that’s exactly what she did. She took the initiative to do this without being ordered to do it. She found a big, beautiful space at a cut-throat price. She was proud of the fact that she didn’t have to wait for DM to say anything but little did she know she was pushing his self importance buttons by not letting him come to her rescue. Now I see she is the last org in the bay area to have Ideal Org status. I’m quite sure that was by design.

    • Artoo45

      I live in the wine country an hour north of S.F. There’s a tiny, pathetic, always empty mission here in Santa Rosa, the largest city between San Francisco and Portland. The plucky, enthusiastic clams used to show up at the Farmers Markets and other outdoor events to do Free Stress Tests™, but they were basically mocked and harassed by kids (thanks Matt and Trey), or worse, utterly ignored, so they don’t even have that level of visibility anymore. We won’t even mention all the Orgs that don’t exist one county to the south of us in Marin—all those millionaires and no Ideal Morgues to help their money across the Bridge to Total Fleecedom™. The Golden Gate Bridge seems to be like Hadiran’s wall to Scientology, no “expansion” north of the gate. Of, course we know there’s no expansion anywhere, but at least they have those big, shiny, empty Potemkin Villages to point to for their regging. I have to drive 60 miles to even find a Scilon.

      • Captain Howdy

        That lesser state to the south, Southern California, is crawling with clams.

    • Is it that the out-of-the-way place on Whisman? No wonder the rent is cut-throat. I can’t imagine they get much foot traffic. The sad, empty, deserted ex-org on Castro seemed much better located, and there was handy downtown parking for attending the Anon demos a few years ago!

  • BosonStark

    All that mention of the Orgs, and no mention of Buffalo? I’m disappoint, as the youngsters say.

    No Ron-the-Horticulturist volume to farmers? Again, I’m disappoint. The new PR word seems to be “opinion leader.” After the Cruise debacle, clams can’t go around claiming they “know” even among each other, but must convince each other that they are “opinion leaders” now? Even Ron, with no validity to his scientific or literary genius, is reduced to being an “opinion leader” everywhere he went. I’m sure he’s an opinion leader on Mars. Well, he did have a lot of opinions anyway — no one’s going to argue that.

    Look how the East changed, after Ron’s influence there, with the erection of the Great Book Pyramid of Dianutty.

    Still plenty of time to be in the single digit Clears at the Nashville Org. LOL Try not to push and shove as you crowd their front doors to hand over your life savings.

    • I wonder when they stopped counting the total number of clears worldwide? Clear number six and seven is just embarrassing.

      • FistOfXenu

        Somewhere in $cientarCONon they must realize there are no Clears just like there are no OTs, and announcing the number of non-existent holders of these non-existent abilities is just plain embarassing. They can’t even tell you who was Clear number 1 can they? John McMaster was in 1966 but back in 1950 LiarRon Humptydumpty paraded Sonya Bianca out as a Clear (and not even the 1st) back in 1950. And then he paraded her back out of sight because she couldn’t even remember the color of his necktie when he turned his back.

        So, it’s horseshit at the beginning, horseshit in the middle and horseshit at the end. Yeah, I just word-cleared $cientology.

      • LOL, those signs look like something out of my netbook Word Starter program.

  • B.B. Broeker

    OK, I’ll take a stab at the Ideal Doven Quote: “Oh, wow!!! What a theta event! I loved it – it was much better than Cat– Er, than the last Event (which was also super theta)! My favorite part was COB’s awesome speech about GAT Mark II, except that my favorite part was the data on the booming Ideal Orgs, which boom everywhere with theta dissemination thanks to COB’s speeches! My favorite part was also The LRH Biographer’s speech, which was theta, also. But my favorite parts were the videos about Ron, who theta theta theta best friend of mantheta theta! Hip hip hooray! Theta.”

    The building representing “government officials” in the LRH Encyclopedia promo is Buffalo City Hall, which is pretty funny, given the well-publicized travails of the Buffalo Quasi-Ideal Org (due to re-re-re-grand-open this summer).

    • John P.

      Nice catch on the Buffalo city hall. Clearly, Scientologists have no developed sense of irony, especially in light of last year’s move by the City to take the Buffalo Ideal Org by eminent domain to replace it with the entrance ramp for a parking structure for the Indian casino they hope to build in the area.

      The city hall building is immense for a city that size. Unless, of course, in its role as the gateway to the Canada region of upstate New York, Buffalo has consolidated many of the government functions of Canada and its small hamlets like Toronto in there. The lumberjack license department and the fur trapper permit bureau probably don’t take up that much room.

      • Ze Moo

        The old Buffalo CO$ ‘church’ was taken by eminent domain around 2002 for the parking area for the Seneca Casino. Buffalo CO$ sued the city because they didn’t like the amount of money the eminent domain proceeding gave them. I remember hearing that they got an extra .75 million for about 2 million in legal costs. This of course, became a big ‘win’ for CO$.

        There is some sort of traveling agreement between Buffalo and southern Ontario CO$. They go to each others photo ops and seem to support each other monetarily. Give the recent parity or even superior position of the Canadian dollar, I wonder why any Canadian would come to Buffalo for Lrh training?? They do have chicken wings in Ontario, so that isn’t it. Lots of Ontarioites come over for shopping, the taxes in Canada make shopping in the US very attractive. Maybe they get a discount on the Ronepedia?

    • Johan

      I don’t think you used quite enough exclamation marks BB, expect you to better next time! The e-mail makes Athea look unhinged. If you give people a copy of the email to read and then introduce her, people will back out of the room slowly…..

    • BosonStark

      It’s good to know Buffalo is in there. It’s a city of great opinion leaders.

      • B.B. Broeker

        Indeed it is. Talkin’ proud!

        • BosonStark

          Stand tall — any day now the Buffalo Org will be turning out its first Clear. What a day that will be!

  • BosonStark

    “This is a time to be wearing the title of ‘Scientologist’ proudly.”

    It is? Why has Tom Cruise clammed up? He doesn’t seem to be proud that he’s a Scientologist anymore. Why not wear “Xenu-believer” proudly too?

  • FistOfXenu

    Can anybody say “GUSH”? All that so called feedback reads like a bunch of RPFers were taken into a damp basement, tied to chairs in front of typwriters and given a list of approves phrases and told “if you don’t want to die in those chairs you better write glowing praise of the event using these phrases.” The resulting Wordwank Of Wowness is making my breakfast sit uneasy in my stomach. And how can all those words just say nothing at all? A 4th grader could’ve written more informative comments. Able to communicate about any subject freely? Those people can’t communicate. PERIOD!

    • Johan

      Wordwank of wow ness is my new favorite phrase

      • hogarthian

        mine too!

        • FistOfXenu

          Here ya go then people, enjoy

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            too wordy. scibots will grok…. WordWankiness

            • FistOfXenu

              You’re right. This any better?

            • Observer

              Snort!!

          • Bob

            FOX VERY FUNY. That seemed to be the general consensus at the event. People were on their feet continuously.
            SeaOHbee WOWED THEM IN THE AISLES!

          • Johan

            I hope you are collecting these for posterity….

            • FistOfXenu

              May as well. A yr from now I won’t remember them otherwise.

        • The Dark Avenger

          Kind of like Wordwang?

          • hogarthian

            Yes! Close relative of the equally hilarious ‘numberwang’.. you must be British?

            • The Dark Avenger

              Close. My grandmother was a British subject, and they did have Mitchell and Webb on BBC America for far too short a run, but enough so that I got to see some of their better skits.

          • What did I just watch???

            • The Dark Avenger

              That Mitchell and Webb Look:

              Numberwang: An apparently long-running game show hosted by Robert Webb, where two seemingly permanent contestants, Simon and Julie (Paterson Joseph and Olivia Colman) call off numbers until a Numberwang is declared. However, what actually constitutes a Numberwang is never fully explained as the game’s progression is purely surreal. Additional bits include Numberscoff (contestants eating numbers) and Numberbounce (contestants
              catching ceiling-hung numbers on trampoline). Each game is always concluded with the “Wangernumb” round, which is preceded by the rotating of the board the contestants are seated on, briefly revealing a non sequitur scene on the other side, then rotating back to the playing contestants in a full revolution. One contestant is declared Wangernumb as the
              champion title, while the losing contestant has varying consequences.

              Other Numberwang-related sketches have also been seen in later episodes, including Wordwang (a spin-off using words), Nümberwang (a German
              version with David Mitchell), a documentary on the history of the
              programme, an advertisement for a home game version, and a trailer for
              “The Numberwang Code” (a parody of The Da Vinci Code)[7]

            • Ohhhh…. kaaaaayyyyy….

            • Dennis

              In every episode, random numbers are called out by contestants until,
              after a period of time, the host says, “That’s Numberwang!”
              Occasionally they go to the maths board where numbers are displayed and
              contestants pick some (although the numbers they say always differ from
              those which are on the board itself).

              After several rounds the host says that it is time to “rotate the
              board”. As the players spin away, waving, something different is
              displayed on the other semi-circle of the players’ sitting area, which
              continues to spin until the first set of players return to their
              original position. Once this is finished, the game becomes “WangerNumb”,
              where the players, in a more tense situation, say numbers until one
              gets “WangerNumb”.

            • The Dark Avenger

              GAFL, Denny-Boo-Boo.

            • Dennis

              The rules are fairly simple but the process for
              finding NumberWang is nearly impossible. The process for finding
              NumberWang used to take hours and hours to find because the formula was
              an entire 1400 page text book. Now, finding NumberWang is simple. You
              say a number that you think is NumberWang and the NumberWang Robot,
              Coloson, will answer for you. However during the early 1960’s apearance
              of Coloson on TV, Coloson decided to take over the world and said “I am
              NumberWang, The world is NumberWang, therefore I am the world!” The
              makers of Coloson, who forsaw this event, installed a fail-safe. The
              only way to stop Coloson was to show it a picture of a chicken. Now
              Coloson is kept in the basement of the BBC TV Center. NumberWang is now a
              world phenomonon. It is on Austrailian TV, New Zealand TV and even
              American TV where instead of saying “Thats NumberWang!!” they say “Yes,
              That is a number…” {first TV NumberWang}

              Host: Good Evening and welcome to a new piece of enlessness which we’re calling, NumberWang.

              Miss. Julia…

              Julia: 7

              Host: We’ll just have to check that with the Boffins. Was that NumberWang?

              Boffin 1: It’ll take a few hours im afraid…

              Host: Well, In the mean time, some music (hums British National Anthem)

              {Later TV NumberWang}

              Host Robert Robinson: Ahhh, Hello hello, welcome to NumberWang with
              me Robert Robinson and the worlds first commercial NumberWang solving
              computer, Coloson

              Coloson: I AM COLOSON

              Host Robert Robinson: Indeed you are, Round one will begin. Miss Julia to play first

              Julia: 7

              Host Robert Robinson: Could it be NumberWang? Coloson?

              Coloson: NO

              Host Robert Robinson: Ahh, would that it were NumberWang alas it is not.

              {Even Later less boring NumberWang}

              Host: Round 2, Fish Numbers! Julia?

              Julia: EEL-even

              Host: Lets ask Coloson… Where’s he gone? Oh my God, Coloson’s lose!

              Coloson: I AM COLOSON, I AM NUMBERWANG, THE WORLD IS NUMBERWANG,
              THEREFORE I AM THE WORLD! YOU MUST ALL DIE! I AM COLOSON, I AM
              NUMBERWANG, THE WORLD IS NUMBERWANG! (sees picture of a chicken) I OBEY!

              (Today’s NumberWang)

              Host: Hi and welcome to the maths game that simply everyones talking about! Julia any pets?

              Julia: no

              Host: ok, Simon?

              Simon: yes

              Host: great! Any hobbies?

              Julia: yes

            • The Dark Avenger

              Thanks for sharing, and try to get more than 6 hours sleep next time, Denny Boo-Boo.

            • Dennis

              Found it!!

              That Mitchell and Webb Look is a 6-part British television sketch show starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb. It first aired on 14 September 2006 on BBC Two. It is directed by David Kerr, who also directed Mitchell and Webb’s previous television sketch show The Mitchell and Webb Situation. As well as Mitchell and Webb themselves, the writers include Jesse Armstrong, James Bachman, Sam Bain, Mark Evans and John Finnemore. The producer is Gareth Edwards. The cast includes Olivia Colman, James Bachman, Mark Evans, Abigail Burdess and Paterson Joseph.

            • The Dark Avenger

              Thanks for sharing, Denny Boo-Boo.

          • Dennis

            Wordwang: The spin-off series with a difference and that difference is words!!

            Wordwang is exactly like the near impossible to win Numberwang, but with words.

            It’s really a pointless, never-ending game that you’d only play if you were bored shitless.
            Player 1: Bling

            Player 2: Condemn

            Player 1: Finland

            Player 2: Chariot

            Player 1: Shariot

            Host: That’s Wordwang!!

            • The Dark Avenger

              That’s right, Denny Boo-Boo.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      WordWank!

    • Missionary Kid

      Aren’t all of LRH’s writings WordWank? So it’s no wonder that the writings of enthusiastic clamfollowers desperately trying to emulate him would be WordWank logorrhea.

      • FistOfXenu

        Good point. Proves LRH must be OTIX or higher, he’s cloned himself.

        • Missionary Kid

          I’m collecting what I consider to be the better turns of phrases or terms for Co$, CoB, etc. WordWank (I changed the spelling slightly) is one of the best. You brighten my day and give me more hope for humanity when I read your posts.

          Well. I’m OTINFINITY, as are all non-clams. I don’t need to clone myself or save the planet. I’ve saved myself and a lot of money by not being with LRH.

          • FistOfXenu

            Wow! And I don’t mean Wordwank Of Wowness either. Thanks I’m honored. I just try to spread a little sunshine and cheer here. 🙂

    • Bob

      FOX, here is a brief analysis after attending.

      Oh man! Holy MOTHER, this is so fantastic to see. The Ideal
      Orgs that are springing up – I mean EVERYWHERE! And yeah, that proves
      it – it can be done EVERYWHERE! This is a time to wear the title of
      “Scientologist” proudly. I am really proud to wear it myself –
      prouder than ever! I am very happy to be here tonight and watch
      history go down. It is phenomenal how well we’re doing.

      THESE WERE COOKIE CUTTING AND WAY TO LONG. IN EACH AREA THEY TROTTED OUT LOCAL OFFICIALS. AND IN PRETORIA LRH WAS PRESENTED WITH A LEOPARD SKIN BY A LOCAL TRIBE AND WAS MADE THE FIRST HONORARY KING OF THE TRIBE. PETA WOULD HAVE A FIT.

      The Source Briefing was incredible. It was very personal and
      intimate and gave an insight into LRH. The part that stood out the
      most was the briefing on the Ideal Orgs. The fact that the smaller
      orgs can also make it means everything. All orgs will be able to make
      it and this does not need to take long. This was a great event!

      IT WAS TOTAL FLUFF. LRH TAKING PICTURES AT THE CIRCUS IN SUSSEX, LRH WRITING A HUMOROUS LETTER TO THE LOCAL COUNCIL TO GET PERMISSION TO FIX A LEAK IN HIS ROOF AT ST. HILL. ALL THE RECREATIONS SHOW LRH WITH HIS BACK TO THE CAMERA. IT’S THE ONLY RECREATIONS I HAVE SEEN WHERE THE PRINCIPLE ACTOR DELIVERS HIS PERFORMANCE WITH HIS HAIR AND THEN GETS A STANDING OVATION.

      I thought the event was the best ever! It is very inspiring to
      see COB’s goal come to fruition. I realize what seemed impossible IS
      possible. And it made me realize this is how life can go. I also
      loved the LRH stories and getting glimpse of his wonderful sense of
      humor. It truly makes him seem like an old friend to me.

      WE DID LAUGH. BUT MY THOUGHT WAS WHO CARES, ALL THIS MINUTIA TO FILL UP TIME. HUBBARD KEPT A WRITTEN RECORD OF EVERTHING. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE A RUNNING NARRATIVE OF HIS BATHROOM HABITS. I THINK THE EVEN SAVED HIS USED TOILET PAPER.

      This event was awesome. The Ideal Orgs, their wins, their
      expansion, it just doesn’t stop. And it’s going to keep getting
      bigger. COB really meant it when he said what is coming, and I see
      that I have a glimpse of what is ahead of us. I have been around for
      a long time. And I have been pushing for a long time. And what is
      coming right now are really the important steps that are going to make
      us make it.

      I SAW VIDEOS OF MY LOCAL ORG AND IT SURE DID NOT LOOK THAT CROWDED WHEN I WAS THERE.

      This was fantastic. The Ideal Orgs were stunning. All the
      things that are coming, that are happening, is part of the promises
      that they would be here. It just amazes me that we just keep getting
      bigger and bigger so fast. I loved the event. I loved that it was A
      to B. And I loved where we are headed.

      BIGGER AND BIGGER.? THE EVENT WAS NOT FULL IT ALL. IT WAS ABOUT TWO THIRDS FULL. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULD BARELY GET A SEAT AROUND 10 YEARS AGO, SO THAT MEANS WERE EXPANDING?

      I enjoyed every bit of the event. Particularly I loved the
      winners. I have worked with so many of these people, and it is so
      good to see them up on stage, and see them win. It was really
      incredible. I absolutely loved the LRH Biographer and everything that
      he said.

      IT IS SAD TO SEE THESE OTHERWISE DECENT PEOPLE SPENDING 24/7 BUILDING AN ORG THEY THEMSELVES HAVE NO OWNERSHIP.

      COB was incredible. His delivery of this event was so powerful.
      I am so excited about the Golden Age of Tech Phase II. And what my
      concept is of what it will bring.

      COB LOOKED NERVOUS AND A BIT PUFFY. YOU CAN SEE THE WEAR AND TEAR OF ALL THE ATTACKS, EXPOSURES AND LAWSUITS.

      I LOVED this so much! This was so validating of our group and so
      fabulous to see the Ideal Orgs that are being built – I really got the
      point of where we needed to get to and why. It makes such sense.

      This was FABULOUS! I love watching the stories about LRH. And
      the visual effects makes you feel like you’re there. It’s so
      inspiring and makes you feel closer to Source, just learning this.

      YES CLOSER TO REDHAIRED AUTOMATON WITH NO FACE.

      I loved the stage! It was gorgeous. I loved the telling of the
      LRH stories, the visualization and the films and all that went into
      it. And the whole night it just such a wonderful validation of our
      group. I loved the Ideal Org presentation. I see that my continent
      really needs to get busy on this as we have a lot of work to do. We
      need to work as a team to get this done. This was a wonderful event!

      THE EVENT WAS SKILLFULLY PRESENTED. IT WAS SIMPLE OR THEN EARLIER EVENTS I HAVE ATTENDED. THE SOUND WAS HAVE A LISTENABLE LEVEL. THE VIDEOS HAD LESS GLITZY SOUND EFFECTS AND WERE LESS BOMBASTIC. COB IS LISTENING TO THE COMPLAINTS TO HIS BENEFIT.
      THERE WERE ABOUT 40 STANDING OVATIONS. MY CLAMS WERE SUCKING IT ALL IN.


      The best part of the event for me was the news about Golden Age
      of Tech Phase II coming! I absolutely loved the speakers of the Ideal
      Org Grand Openings. It creates such an impact. It is such a big
      deal. What I really liked is how the Source presentation was done.
      The LRH stories and how it was visualized. From this event I really
      got that we have arrived at a pivotal point of our Church’s expansion.
      We are so ready to go with the Ideal Orgs, Golden Age of Tech II and
      we are unstoppable!

      COB’S TIMING WAS FLAWLESS. HE DROPPED THE GOLDEN AGE OF TECH II BOMB AT EXACTLY THE RIGHT PLACE AND BUILT THE ANTICIPATION FOR IT PERFECTLY. COB STATED THAT WE NOW HAVE ENOUGH IDEAL ORGS TO RELEASE: GAT II AND THAT THIS WOULD ENSURE THAT WE WOULD REACH THE MAKE POINT OF CLEARING THE PLANET. THAT WE WERE ALMOST THERE.

      This was an amazing event. The best part was the LRH Biography
      part. I get to know more about LRH and to see what a kind person he
      was, not only the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology. Also I like the
      fact that we get to hear and see about the Ideal Orgs which have opened
      and the future ones on the horizon.

      ANDREA, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!

      The new Ideal Orgs were what really hit me the most tonight.
      They are magnificent. I want to get more training and do more to
      help. I want to help make a better world.

      THIS EVENT WAS GEARED TOWARDS EXTRACTING MORE MONEY FROM LOCAL PARISHIONERS FOR THEIR IDOL MORGUES.

      Wow! This event was incredible! My most favorite part of the
      event was the LRH Biographer’s briefing on LRH! The way the
      presentation was done was superb! It amazed me to see just how much
      LRH was an opinion leader no matter where he was! He always made
      remarkable changes for the better! The Ideal Orgs that opened were
      also great! As a result, I am going to do more in my area and be a
      part of the team that is disseminating and creating huge Scientology
      expansion!

      STOP ALREADY, IT’S LIKE A SKIP IN A RECORD.

      Wow! The event was incredible! I loved hearing the stories
      about LRH and this one was particularly entertaining. This event
      really inspired me to want to contribute more and to be more active.

      SHEESH.

      COB IS GETTING MORE CRAFTY. WHEN GAT II IS RELEASED THE PUSH TO GET EVERYONE TO PAY FOR NEW COURSES WILL BE HUMONGOUS. NOT TO MENTION NEW BOOKS AND PACTS.
      IT IS APPARENT THAT IN THE NEXT SIX MONTHS THERE WILL BE HUGE RELEASES INCLUDING THE OPENING OF THE SUPERPOWER BUILDING.

      • Bob

        Please excuse some of my spelling.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          That was fantastic Bob. Thanks.

          • Bob

            Thanks bury. I hope I have not crossed the line with the lurking OSAbots. 😉

            • FistOfXenu

              Send them to me..

            • Bob

              Good idea. Maybe they can be converted.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I hope so too!

        • Captain Howdy

          We worry more about spilling (good booze) than spelling.

          • Bob

            🙂 funny.

        • Captain Howdy

          We worry more about spilling (good booze) than spelling.

      • Sherbet

        Good post, Bob. And you really are the gutsy one, aren’t you!

        • Bob

          Yeah, this may awaken the sleeping OSA-dragon. Hope not.

          • Sherbet

            We hope not, too.

          • Captain Howdy

            I think the OSA dragon is pretty old and toothless and has emphysema these days, Bob. If people would just ignore “disconnection” they wouldn’t have shit.

            • Bob

              Right on both accounts. OSA is probably more concerned with Narconon and all the lawsuits. They have plenty to be worried about.
              It must be hard being an OSA lurker. Lots of the commenters are very intelligent in their POSTs. I am sure it does not fit the description given to the OSAbots of bitter, fanatic terrorist, apostates.

            • FistOfXenu

              “I am sure it does not fit the description given to the OSAbots of bitter, fanatic terrorist, apostates”

              Part of our job, isn’t it Bob? Help them see that the version of reality they’ve been fed by the cult doesn’t match what reality is. They’ve been told a pack of lies that can’t help them understand what the real world is like. $cientarCONon is telling them they live on a flat earth and then they come here and the only way to make sense of us is to realize the world is round. Sooner or later some folks wake up that way.

            • Bob

              FOX, I did. And I am greatful. If it happened to me it could happen to others..

            • so let me get this straight ..you go to these events …but you are out ? how do you get out of the room without giving any $$ ? There are many many people who would like to learn that skill i am sure~ how are you able to live these 2 separate lives i wonder ? you really could be a beacon of hope for so many people ..you really could do something to stop the abuses …i mean …here you are , talking to us , still in the church , you have friends outside of the church – your head has not exploded from reading this blog …too bad none of those poor lost souls do not know what you now know. If only there was a way to reach them …any suggestions?

            • Bob

              Kim, yes I am actively doing things i can talk about.

              but First off, this is the first event where they did not corral us to extract money. They are getting much more savvy. What they do is all the regs for all the orgs, IAS, Flag, Freewinds, local orgs etc. now hit up their contacts while they are hot the next few days. i would not be surprised if i don’t get a call.

              But this is the calm before the storm. When GAT II comes out watch out!!!! 8-(. We will be like sitting ducks. And I guarantee the push to get everyone to that release will be MASSIVE. (The right use of caps).

              As far as what I am doing currently. What I can say is I am finding others like me who are quiet and sometimes alone and I am supporting them to know there are others like them. I become an outlet. i am very careful about this as there may be plants. I also direct them to Tony as he has the best entry level site I know. Also for those in, when they have a gripe I covertly agree with them and encourage them to talk about it. Almost everyone I know has some kind of bad experience.
              The other things I can’t talk about but they are happening.

              Realize that when I was in I was under stress 24/7. So I find being out and being part of the underground movement is like being on vacation. It could have nasty consequences but I feel it is a worthy cause.

            • wow- you are able to reach out to people …without anyone narc~ing on you ..and then you send them to this blog as opposed to say ..Marty ..where they will have a “soft spot to land ” ? You might put Marty out of business …. ( applause ) you must be like a homo novis or something to be able to fly in under the radar . So much for all of their knowingness and abilities to leave their bodies and stuff. And i am super glad to hear that in just a short time ..they have been able to get more savvy about asking for $$. Why …just a couple of weeks ago ( i think ) Tony was sharing flyers of scientology asking for the gold out of peoples teeth .

            • Bob

              It seems that you are being sarcastic but I could be wrong. But to answer you regarding the events. I have not attended for at least 18 months so how the regs operate may be less recent. But when it comes to extracting money from clams the regs apply every business trick in the book. That includes surveys and changing techniques if the old ones stop working.
              And since I assume that you are not around clams 24/7 and probably don’t know that many I will fill you in on a little secret. I have not met anyone who leaves his or her body, reads minds, has super human knowingness or fits all the descriptions of a clear. And on that account I am dealing with these people all the time.
              So I have no special abilities as far as playing the part of a good clam.
              And as far as the regs issue, depending on the location you find wild variations in how people extract pearls from the unsuspecting clams. The example of the gold for donations. That is pathetic. I know SeaOHbee is laughing all the way to the bank on that one.

            • DeElizabethan

              Bob, are you a member in good standing and not attending events? They do keep track of those that do and don’t attend. You must get hundreds of calls or if there daily must get bugged all the time. How do you handle this as a good clam? If this is a small org or mission then probably easier.
              I didn’t think Kim was sarcastic btw.
              You shouldn’t get in trouble with OSA unless you call Miscaivage with the correct spelling, a liar and MF etc, several times, that’s the PR they care about more than L. Wrong Cupboard. Keep up the interesting comments.

            • Bob

              DE, without going into detail I will say that you are correct regarding lots of phone calls.
              I can’t really explain my method of dealing with the conformity expected by clams. I am not sure what you had to deal with but it can get pretty intense and annoying. I guess you could say I have learned how to make a good excuse.
              I have made some pretty demeaning remarks about mouse- caviage. I figure I have done and said enough forbidden activities to go to Scn purgatory for a few thousand lifetimes. I have noticed that having the truth makes it really easy to lie.

            • DeElizabethan

              Curious from another comment you said you suggest books to read, to others but not buy them from an org or scio but from Amazon. Do you mean scio books and which ones do you recommend? Are you still promoting scn to people that are interested? I have some friends I know who want to know more about it. What do you suggest?

              I agree, once you are able to lie to them, it makes life easier, especially when you are still connected or in.

            • Bob

              Yes Scn books. “Fundamentals of Thought” covers most of the basic applied philosophy if someone wants to know the basic parts of Scn. I just would not want anyone on any mailing lists.
              I have found the subject easy to talk about now, where it was more difficult before. I no longer have the pressure of routing them to an org or mission. My explanation is very simple regarding the basic premise regarding the theory regarding past lives and the nature of a being. People are very willing to listen as they know I am not going to attempt to drag them into a church. Plus I do not withhold the negative issues associated with the church, which makes most people more comfortable when you tell them the truth. Does that answer the question?

            • DeElizabethan

              Yes Bob, thanks, for it helps me better understand.

            • Bob

              It’s an individual choice. When I explain to non-Scnrs my situation I sometimes give them the basics of what it is about. In that way they understand why I got trapped and what I liked about it.
              They have a much better grasp of my rehabilitation.

            • hogarthian

              I quite like you Bob, but you’re all smoke and mirrors. But, like I said, that’s ok.

            • hogarthian

              Well, Bob, I think Kim IS being a little sarcastic, and I’m sure she won’t mind me pointing that out. I must say mind, you deal with the flak very well.

            • hogarthian

              How do you know they did not corral you for money if you haven’t been to an event for 18 months? How do you manage to establish a line of communication with those who have a ‘gripe’, (especially those who are ‘quiet and sometimes alone’) considering to even think those things is a crime? How big is the ‘underground movement’ you refer to, and how do they meet?

              Just curious.

          • Bob – seriously …why do you insist on binding yourself to these beliefs ? How does it make life better ?? You are hiding here like a young boy who is trying to look at a dirty magazine without mom finding out. You have given the power over your own life over to these people …and you keep giving it ..over and over again. Thinking for yourself it not a skill one should be developing in adulthood …you are not going to burst into flames or lose your eternity or whatever bullshit they tell you .

            • Bob

              Kim, the only thing you know about me is what I post. And I am pretty sure there are a lot of posts of mine you have not read.
              Don’t worry about me. Address the lurkers who are actually afraid of revealing anything. When I started deprogramming, the fear melted away like candles in the desert sun.

              I have the same purpose as many commenters here. To see the church cease there abusive and criminal activities. The truth is, you only see part of what I believe or know. And sometimes what I say is not intended for commenters but unseen OSA lurkers. So you can continue to try to open my eyes to your version of the truth by berating me or move on to more interesting subjects. You get far more bees with honey than vinegar.

            • in what way did i berate you ? i just don’t understand this victim thing ..do you honestly expect NOT to be asked these questions ? do you think that people are just going to ooohhh and aaahhh when you post that you pretty much new LRH instead of asking you what it is with this cult that appeals to you so much ? How does lurking here and dropping hints help stop abuses exactly ? This is the real world Bob …i use my real name and i post honest questions . It is unfortunate that you need validation and apologies.

            • Bob

              Berate – to scold or rebuke. What you said looks like you were berating me. I stated my purpose. It is not anything else. We have done this dance before. Enough said.

            • I don’t buy it Bob …I don’t buy it for one second . I say what i mean …there is never a gray area . You speak in smoke and mirrors and when asked a follow up question ..or challenged in any way at all …you put it back on the person asking the question. And of course the question goes unanswered …yet again. And you are right ..we have done this dance before …you will do it with many people here who were never in a cult because you talk without actually saying much of anything . Kind of a pattern with you scientologists . If you do not expect to be asked these things then you might not be as “out” as you think you are . Or you are just full of it

            • Bob

              Kim,

              Here are the two questions you asked.

              “Bob – seriously …why do you insist on binding yourself to these beliefs ?”

              YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE EXCEPT WHAT I POST. AND I ANSWERED YOU ON THAT. I DONT THINK YOU HAVE READ ALL MY POSTS. MOSTLY I OPERATE ON WHAT I KNOW, NOT WHAT I BELIEVE. I KNOW WHAT I SEE AND CAN PREDICT ACCURATELY AND SINCE MAKING THE CHANGE I AM ALSO ABLE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT I HAVE TAKEN ON AS FAITH.
              AND YOU ASK ME TO ANSWER A NON-SPECIFIC QUESTION. “These beliefs”. WHICH BELIEFS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. THE STORY OF XENU, THAT THERE ARE SUPPRESSIVES, THAT THERE ARE REAL CLEARS AND OTS, THAT DISCONNECTION IS A GOOD THING, THAT HUBBARD DISCOVERED THE ONLY PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT? BE SPECIFIC.

              How does it make life better ??
              HOW DOES WHAT, MAKE MY LIFE BETTER? SCIENTOLOGY IS NOT ALL BELIEFS. IT IS AN APPLIED PHILOSOPHY. IF YOU USE IT AND YOU FAIL MISERABLY THEN YOU STOP USING IT.
              I HAVE STOPPED USING MUCH OF IT. BUT THERE ARE PARTS OF IT THAT WORK FOR ME AND I CONTINUE TO APPLY. MUCH OF IT COMMON SENSE STUFF.

              IF YOU WANT SPECIFIC ANSWERS GIVE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.

            • stillgrace

              Please don’t shout, Bob. We will listen to you. No disrespect to your analogy is intended, however, fear melting like candles in the desert sun sounds like an incredible mess that must be cleaned up. Suggest substituting “ice cubes” for “candles”.

            • Bob

              Your right. Really Bad analogy. Yes ice cubes is much less messy. LOL. The caps were just to distinguish her question from my answer. I could have just used the quotes. I am still not savvy on commenters protocol. But I am learning.

            • stillgrace

              I think you are right. Quotation marks work better. One can also use html scripting to “bold” the quotes, but is not necessary. All caps is universal for shouting, except when one word is emphasized in a sentence. Wishing you well in your journey.

            • Bob

              Thanks. The journey has been much better since I jumped off the bridge.

            • hogarthian

              God, you’re good!

            • Bob

              Hogarthian, from what I remember you are British. You have a Brits sense of humor. Even if you are dissing me I find your humor to my liking.

            • hogarthian

              lol! Bob, your doing that ‘charming the birds out of the trees and wringing their necks as you catch them’ thing again aintcha? Are you familiar with the tale of the ‘Three Billy Goats Gruff’? Yes? ok then, here’s how I see it. You’re the angry (replace with passive-aggressive) troll under the bridge and I’m only the littlest goat. More, cleverer goats than me, will come along and headbutt you right off that bridge at some point.

              That analogy works for me on every level, in fact, I’m so pleased with it that I may ask Grundoon’s permission to keep posting it, so everyone can see how deeply witty and insightful I am.

              oh, almost forgot – 😉

            • sugarplumfairy

              I think you’re a very clever little goat, hogart.. If you doubt it, you may need to start doing your affirmations..

            • hogarthian
            • sugarplumfairy

              One of the many reasons I’ll never have a goat for a pet..

            • grundoon

              You don’t need my permission to post on the Internet. But if you’re under 18 you should ask your mother.

            • hogarthian

              Oh, piss off!

            • Captain Howdy

              Bob, obviously some folks see you as a soft target and see you as a chance to score some points as anon warriors. Just see this as a rite of passage and try not to take it personally.

            • i am not an anon warrior …i just have a tickle . i am asking some pretty obvious questions but i respect you and if you think i should back off …then i will do it . ( for now )

            • Captain Howdy

              Kim I wasn’t referring to you or anyone else specifically. If Bob isn’t what he claims to be he will hang himself eventually, but for the moment I don’t feel he has done anything to go off about.

            • sugarplumfairy

              bottom line is it doesn’t really matter if Bob is for real or not.. Live and let live.. And if you have a question or criticism, just ask it or say it.. We’re big boys and girls.. I enjoy his posts and I enjoy calling him on the things he says that I disagree with.. I probably enjoy it too much, actually..

              Bob knows we love him no matter what he is or isn’t.. Isn’t that what this comment section is about?? Unconditional love??

              Daisies and beads for everybody!!!

            • Captain Howdy

              Where were you and BTN earlier so I didn’t have to handle this flap ? I hate having to get serious. ; )

            • sugarplumfairy

              Yah, i missed some interesting stuff.. Here, have a daisy.. You did good..

              Btw, I noticed a funny correlation.. The scarier your avatar looks, the sweeter you are.. What’s up with that?

            • Quite simply, it’s the Dorian Gray syndrome. If the Captain’s avatar changes to a cute little kitten or a cuddly bunny, then beware and seek safe haven in your nearest Ideal Org!

              Andrew

            • sugarplumfairy

              Lol.. If he starts sporting fluffy bunnies and kittens, I will assume his pod hatched and he is lost to us forever..

            • Captain Howdy

              Hee Haw

              Please sponsor me Andrew so I can move to NZ and open a Wombat day care center/Pub

            • Before you can open a Wombat Day Care Centre in New Zealand there are several important factors to consider:

              1. Wombats are only found on a small island off the west coast of New Zealand called Australia.

              2. Australia, though originally a penal colony has, by gracious consent of Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith appointed as resident Governor, a young Welsh lass commonly referred to as The Honourable Julia Gillard to administer the territory.

              3. Wombat day care is strictly regulated, as perusing this .pdf document will make abundantly clear:

              ‘Recommended Guidelines for the Captive Management of Wombats (Vombatus ursinus & Lasiorhinus latifrons) in Australia.

              http://www.environment.sa.gov.au/files/05a2340f-a15b-48dc-9f10-9fc000fb7d2f/pa-gen-wombatguidelines.pdf

              Wombats are engaging creatures when they are young and cuddly, particularly the Southern Hairy-nosed Wombat, though in adult life may become solitary and bad tempered.

              Andrew

            • sugarplumfairy

              Why, when I read you, your voice in my head sounds like Alan Rickman.. Is he from New Zealand?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ooh, you do that too, eh?

            • sugarplumfairy

              Yah, John P sounds like James Earl Jones and Cap’n Howdy like Keith Richards, but with a Boston accent..

            • I revere Alan Rickman, born in South Hammersmith, London, perhaps the finest character actor of this or any earlier generation with the possible exception of the late Sir Alec Guiness.

              Andrew

            • sugarplumfairy

              I agree completely..

            • hogarthian

              noooooooooooo!!! He’s a legend of the British stage!

            • Bad guy from Die Hard .

            • hogarthian

              Yup, but very British.

            • sadly …Die Hard is the best reference for people in this country who call themselves “Muricans” ….;) good news is that there are several of us here who love the Brits 😉

            • hogarthian

              oooo *sharp intake of breath*….. con. tro. ver. sial. !!!

            • Captain Howdy

              Your people’s humanity is rubbing off on me and it’s making me unstable.

            • sugarplumfairy

              I’m not going to worry about you until I hear you’re watching Oprah..

            • BuryTheNuts2

              If you change your avatar to a unicorn or a butterfly…I will personally come beat the crap outta you
              !!!!

            • Must say Cap’n nearly didn’t recognise you in the role of peacemaker 😛

            • BuryTheNuts2

              BTN was napping. Mr. Nuts got her drunk!

            • Bob

              Thanks CH. I take that in stride. I Have been monitoring since Feb. 2012. I have come to know many of you before we met. Tonys blog is a type of community with many of the same issues and combinations of people. There are enough of you who accept me for want I am that I feel it is worthwhile to participate. As a community there is a great deal of sharing that I think benefits everyone. IMHO Differing points of view are beneficial if they are done in the right spirit.

            • John P.

              The best way in this forum (doesn’t work in all comment features on sites) to quote stuff is to cut and paste. Surround the thing you wish to quote in “” at the start and “” at the end (take out the quotes here). That’s coding in the HTML programming language of the web, and it will set off and indent the quote. Then you put your comments below it. You have to remember to get the closing tag and the “/” right in the end tag only, otherwise it won’t work correctly. If you screw up, just click the edit button that you can see below your comment and you can fix it.

            • Bob

              Thanks. I am moderately capable with computer stuff. I will try that.

            • actually …pretty much everything you yelled at me in caps are the questions every single person who has ever seen South Park would like answered. Scientology makes some fantastic claims ~ most of which you covered with your caps lock ~ and “philosophies” don’t actually do that . You have been in a cult for years and years ..yet now you say the beliefs are ” common sense ” . Do you really think that scientology promotes common sense ?

            • Bob

              Yes it was just pointed out to me that caps mean yelling. That was not my intention but now I know. And I do not say the beliefs are common sense, I say some of the applied philosophy is common sense. Some of the basic books are common sense. And I agree that there are many fantastic claims made. In its present form the church promotes whatever is good for the church.
              Hang common sense or good judgement.

              If you like I will answer the specific points that I mentioned that every person who watched South Park wants answered. It will just be my opinion of those things.

              Since I don’t agree with your statement that “there is never a grey area”. We may continue to butt heads. Asi es la vida.

            • hogarthian

              Well, I’m pleased I’m not the only one who feels exactly the same. I think you’ve nailed it, and I KNOW that my own intuition is right. We’ll see. In the meantime, Kim doesn’t mean any bad here. She’s just frustrated because she thinks you’re playing a game, and I do too. But that’s ok. You’re allowed to do that, Bob, and Kim is allowed to call you out.

            • yup …good performance art but i call bullshit 😉

            • FistOfXenu

              Hi Kim. I know nobody wants to go back and hunt down the stuff Bob’s been writing here since he started posting. But if we’re gonna throw around stuff like “this victim thing” and assuming the cult still appeals to him and charicaturing him as trying to impress people then it’s maybe fairer to do a little homework 1st. See all what he’s been saying and not just this or that thing that’s annoying. My wife just told me the word I want is “context”. She says we have to read the stuff Bob says in context. She’s the smart one in the family so that’s it for me.

            • I like your wife 😉 she made a good point ..but scientologists always cry victim ( at least it seems like it to me ) And i have to be honest …trying to understand some scio speak just makes me want to pull my hair out and i do not get the context at all . And if he keeps going to theses events ( like he claims ) then i assume that something still appeals to him . Not that i care if he thinks he can leave his body and find a great parking space or not ( that would really be awesome ) but there is no way he gets out of these events without giving more $$ ..and we all know where that $$ goes ..none of it to helping anyone or stop abuse at all .

            • FistOfXenu

              I like my wife too 😉

              And I hear you Kim. I’m just saying that I think Bob has good reasons for being like he is and the clues are in that word “context.” I think maybe you and a few others are convinced he’s still a true believer or maybe worse but I don’t see that being true about him.

              A big yes to how frustrating $cieno speak is. Bob’s not the only person here that has to be careful to keep his family from taking heat if he gets made by OSA so I can’t say too much. But I can tell you that when somebody’s been submerged in Crazylandia for a long time it takes a long time to get the lingo out of your head especially if it’s part of your disguise to keep the ethics bots from biting. And the lingo isn’t the most important thing as long as you stop believing the ideas. I’ve seen this a lot with people I love. Real life is complicated Kim especially if family members are trapped in the spider’s web. Maybe what he really believes and doesn’t believe would surprise you. The clues are in his posts.

              Like you say you use your name and ask plain questions. So instead of assuming he’s funding $cientarCONon and assuming just ask him straight how much money they skinned him for him to be there and why he does it. I’m not asking you to trust him. Just give him a fair shake.

            • fair enough …and great post 😉

            • aquaclara

              Bob, just hoping you are a) safe and b) finding your way. Everyone here has their own story and set of experiences. I applaud you for looking beyond what Scientology tells you each day. The world on the outside IS good. When you’re ready, take the big step. Call for help when you need it.
              In the meantime, keep I hope you’ll keep reading. And posting.

            • Bob

              AC, thank you a lot. And fortunately I am past what Scn tells me. It took me awhile to decompress but I am now into the finding my balance stage. And exploring new options program. No one is currently giving me a bad time in the church so I am doing what I can to forward the truth as I see it now, without the dark glasses of Scientology on. More than anything I am trying to help others.

              I am good for now but I appreciate the offer.

            • Sherbet

              I don’t know, Kim. If Bob is what he says he is, he’s doing something pretty brave to post here. One risk is that he is found out by cos people, but maybe a bigger risk is that Bob will eventually let go of scn. That’s got to be a big step for him, to turn away from beliefs and practices he’s clung to for years. If he does leave cos, he’ll do it in his own way, in his own time. In the meantime, in my opinion, it’s good having someone who’s still inside and can give a realistic look at what’s really going on.

            • i agree …but i have a tickle in the back on my head …something does not feel right .

            • Sherbet

              If Bob — or anyone else — is a fraud, we’re not doing anything secretive here, revealing anything OSA shouldn’t know. Still, if you’re uncomfortable, maybe it’s for a good reason. I’m not arguing with anyone’s intuition (especially a Naval Hospital alumna).

            • with everything you know about this cult …do you think that someone can go to these events ..be on the “inside ” ..and get away with not giving the church more $$ ? I think that is what is bugging me . Everything i have read over the years says ” no way” . But ..oh well ..no skin off my nose i guess . Tickle , tickle .

            • hogarthian

              ahhhhaaaa. Kim, you’ve got a similar response to me (see the ‘witty repartee’ that I felt compelled to repost ;-)). You’re obviously not reading Bob right. I have a similar ‘tickle’.

            • Sherbet

              Good point about the money, Kim. As long as money flows into cos, the abuses continue. My assumption is that Bob has a foot in both worlds and can’t quite step over to one side or the other. If he’s writing checks to cos, that puts him in good company, when you consider the hundreds of thousands spent by just the exes we know here in the Bunker. For years, they helped finance the whims of lrh, dm, and the rest of the rotten apples. But eventually they stopped the cash flow, and Bob probably hasn’t yet. Yet. (And if your tickle turns out to be correct, I’ll be the first to say, Woops, Kim! You were right!!)

            • Sherbert …if this guy really is the true deal ..i will celebrate me being wrong . It would mean that here we have a scientologist..who is IN ..still goes to these events , has posted that he has friends not in the church and he hangs out with them . He gets to see his family..hell ..he even gets to post here and interact with wogs like me …and nothing bad has happened to him from the church . Nor has his head exploded or whatever . He would be the pied piper and show everyone that corporate scientology is now powerless . Talk about helping people out of the abuses …what could be better than that ?

            • grundoon

              Patty Pieniadz Moher (aka Pooks) did just that for years, until she was betrayed to OSA by ESMB founder Emma. Patty posted lots of great inside info and regular event reports under her pseudonym “Cerridwen.” When she finally was outed and declared, it freed her to tell 10x more, and as a former GO and OSA operative, Narconon ED, etc, she had a LOT to tell. Patty is still very active against the cult, AFAIK, and posts here occasionally.

            • DeElizabethan

              Thanks, for info. Why did Emma do that or what is accidental? Is she still with ESMB? I love Pooks, and now I know why. She also gives good links to follow up on.

            • grundoon

              Emma was buffeted in so many directions at once by conflicting desires and loyalties that she hardly knew who she was or which way was up. OSA surely studied her confidential auditing folders, and her husband’s, to carefully construct a program to play upon her uncertainties and weak points, using her care for her husband as leverage.

              It’s not at all unusual for Scientologists on their way out of the cult to experience episodes of extreme uncertainty, doubt, and shifting loyalties – even without special pressure from the topmost levels of OSA. Even most of those who escape under desperate circumstances, are easily persuaded to return under guard with the hope of “routing out standardly.” In dozens of doubt formulas posted at Marty’s and Steve Hall’s sites, it’s apparent that it is no easy decision to disassociate onself from the Chruch. Emma’s story vividly illustrates the sort of mental turmoil that can attend an exit from Scientology.

            • DeElizabethan

              Edited last message. Grundoon I found the info from your post, thanks.

            • DeElizabethan

              Grundoon, I owe you big time. Thanks so very much for this information. Looked at both links and read all. What a story. It shows the insidiousness of the cult and how they can handle members. I so understand how lives can be ruined while remaining under the mind-F of OSA and the cult.

              Bob hopefully has read the betrayed to OSA article or at least should.

            • FistOfXenu

              ^^^^ This.
              Sherbet, Kim, this is the point for me. I don’t say Kim’s flat out wrong just that I need proof. But even if she is so what? We could either treat Bob like he’s a straight arrow and trust him to be what he says or we could suspect him of being some kind of $ci-spy. How does that play out? Well if he’s what he says he is, treating him like he’s a $ci-spy is just gonna burn him and make us stink like DM’s bulldogs. If Bob’s really a $ci-spy and we treat him like one then fair enough we weren’t fooled by him. But what if he’s a $ci-spy and we show him the difference between the paranoid inside of the cult and us out here? If he’s some kind of a $ci-spy that makes him like Tory was before she joined us. See where I’m going here?

              I know I’m not saying this right but my point is, so what if Bob’s a $ci-spy? We can do better than the cult. We got nothing to hide and nothing to be afraid of. If he’s a $ci-spy or something maybe by being decent to him he comes out. That’s what Andreas did with Tory. That made a big impression on me then and still does.

              Now I’ve bungled my way through that, 2 more things. If you’re right Kim, I’ll be right there with Sherbet to say sorry you were right. And for now I still think Bob’s on the level. I guess that makes me look gullible. I’ll risk it.

              EDIT: to save people time, I’m not saying those are the only 2 possible ways to explain Bob, just they’re the 2 extremes. There’s plenty of other positions in between

            • i do not think he is a spy or a troll ~ i think he is pulling our legs. Brilliantly i might add. But ..you are correct …does not do real harm either way so no big deal . I have no dog in the hunt ..i just think that stuff does not add up .My critical thinking bells are going off . I mean shit …they hit people up for $$ at a bowling alley but not on the holiest of days for them ? I do not think you are gullible…i think you are reaching out to a person you think needs it . Nothing wrong with that at all sweetheart ….

            • FistOfXenu

              Thanks for explaining that Kim. I don’t have your insight so I can’t figure why he’d play that kind of game or what the point would be. And to me it really did look like you thought he’s trolling since you referred to him at different times as if you think he’s still drinking the kool aid. I’m sorry if I misread you.

              I’m interested in this idea of someone pulling our legs. What would be the point of it? Who’d do that here?

            • performance art . must be kinda fun to fuck with us here ..we are an interesting group 😉 i do not think it is anything insidious …just amusing

            • FistOfXenu

              Oh right. I don’t get the attraction. But thanks for explaining it. Sometimes I feel too old.

            • Captain Howdy

              If Bob is a troll or a double agent he’s a pretty freaking good one , and even though I’m mr materialist/anti theist guy at this point in the proceedings as long as people don’t proselytize or try to put a positive spin on the tech I don’t care what they think because to me it’s (religion etc) all freaking crazy magical thinking b.s,, but hey it’s a free country so I just have to lump it.

            • I am with you ..but this tickle will not go away . In the scheme of things ..i really don’t give a shit about a grown up who just now figured out that caps lock means that you are yelling ~ but i always pay attention to my tickles . No way someone goes to one of these events without writing a check …no way . Anyone giving this cult $$ is not trying to help anyone .

            • DeElizabethan

              Kim, I like your “tickles” I count on my gut, same thing, but yours sounds like more fun and a little lighter. Times like these I can’t help but wonder, who’s handling who? I’ve come to believe that the Bunkers are pretty special people and very gracious and wise.

            • hogarthian

              Yes, absolutely. Bob is a very good one. And I don’t care what he thinks either. In fact, I’m ashamed that every single time I respond to one of Bob’s comments, I allow him to turn it about face with such deftness that I end up apologising. It’s fucking genius!

            • hogarthian

              I also agree with Sherbet. The only problem with that hypothesis is that he’s not giving me ‘a realistic look at what’s really going on’. When Bob can see clearly what’s real and what’s not… then I’ll listen. In the meantime, I will continue to take the piss in a delicate way, because I think it helps.

            • Sherbet

              You’re right, hogarthian. “A realistic look at what’s going on” is only as “realistic” as Bob, or anyone on the inside, wants it to be. I still think we’re all on pretty much the same track here, which is a death watch for the alleged church, and won’t we have fun when that happens!

      • Johan

        Thanks for this. Btw, I seriously doubt LRH was made anything of a South African tribe – so there was some ceremony involving leopard skins?! Sounds staged.

        • Bob

          Johan, what I saw was real. Yes as real as any TV show. I am sure it was staged. It is similar to all their videos. All staged.
          I just think it sucks that they would accept a leopard skin to put in Ron’s office in the org. What about endangered species. But what do I know. Maybe Leopards are considered vermin in Africa.

          • Johan

            Łol. Leopards are a protected species. Dunno about back then…

            • Bob

              Well then, they had no business accepting it. Just one more foot bullet!

          • Captain Howdy

            Poaching is a world wide criminal enterprise. They outnumber and outgun the protectors.

            • Bob

              I guess that makes sense then for the church to accept it then. It went right over LRHs chair in his office in the org. Everyone was oohing and aahing. LRH, king of the poachers.

      • aquaclara

        This is excellent. Thanks for taking us there.

        • Bob

          Thanks. Some of what SeaOHBee said was outrageous. I wish I could,have recorded it.

      • FistOfXenu

        Love this Bob, translating the Crazylandia bullshit into plain english for the real world. Not a bad thing for us to do with all $cientarCONon’s lying lies.

        • Bob

          Thanks. I should have edited for typos and grammar. But I wanted to push it out their.

          • FistOfXenu

            No sweat. I know my spelling’s not great either. I should’ve done something about it years ago. That’s life.

            • Bob

              Thanks. Part of it is the pesky spellchecker and laziness on my part. I constantly have to reread what I wrote because my software insists that what I said is something else.

      • jensting

        Oh, and good observation about there only being an actor with the hair to play LRH, not the face or anything else.

        I suppose it would be cruel to point out that “wog” movie technology has been able to generate life-like animation for, oh, more than ten years (the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and all that). So, if a “wog” movie really could not trust an actor in make-up to do it, there’s always computer animation. Not for the $cientologists!

        • Bob

          Jensting, I have seen this many times before. You see Hubbards body from the back, which clams have now accepted as good cinematic practice when LRH is telling a story. The actor they used for the birthday event has almost the perfect stature and hair color to be credible. It is very bad film making but the idea of seeing a CGI Hubbard is not an option right now. If king mouse-caviage could find a way to inexpensively and quickly do an accurate LRH cgi character I think he would. It could be done with the technology that Gold has but for now it is way cheaper and faster to back shoot. Someday though, to electrify the clams at an important event they may create a CGI film of the Hubb that is needed to drive home an important point. At the birthday event the intention was to show LRH as a down to earth folksy guy who was willing to handle every day affairs but was willing to help someone at the drop of a hat.

  • BosonStark

    Get the Nutterpedia out to all those people fast, so they can turn their buildings into Ideal Orgs.

  • Sherbet

    Don’t be shy, Andrea. Tell us how you really feel. And by “you” I mean “those people whom you quoted.”

  • Johan
    • hogarthian

      “I’m not that fucking credulous” … fab.

    • Missionary Kid

      SNORT!

    • Captain Howdy

      This Crispian Jago dude is wicked pissah.

  • Cymboli Starsong

    Opinion leaders. That is just so hilarious.

  • Espiando

    Wise Beard Man Is Win.

    So, is Golden Age of Tech Phase 2 going to be like Star Trek Phase 2? Stillborn and adapted into space opera nonsense where everything looks delicious but nothing happens?

    And, yes, Scientology is desperate when they have to extol their “success” in a country whose sole excuse for existence is to cut Senegal off from its water supply. Bravo.

  • Captain Howdy

    Where can I get a “Venn Diagram of Irrational Nonsense” t shirt ?

    • Missionary Kid

      I snooped around the blog it came from, but I couldn’t find a way to do it. He’s got links to other creative stuff.
      http://crispian-jago.blogspot.com/

  • Andrea, you sound like my girlfriend after we have sex.

    • hogarthian

      You wish! 😉

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      she calls sex an event? she could sure spice up the IAS Events with their wild white horses. im thinking Godiva. Andrea could use a liitle vacation anyway.

      • Not really an event. More like the bridge to total fulfillment.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Mmmm.. Godiva.. Oh.. Thought you meant chocolate.. Thank goodness they don’t recruit with chocolate.. I’d be dead raw meat..

    • FistOfXenu

      Your girlfriend lies to you like that? And you’re still with her? I’m not even gonna ask.

    • John P.

      Does your girlfriend obsessively refer to your masculinity as an “Ideal Org[an]”? That’s all Andrea seems to be able to babble on about.

  • Artoo45

    Egads, did Rebecca Black write all those “quotes?”

    “This event was the funnest fun thing ever. It’s nice being nice to the nice. After this most eventy of all events, I’m all like, you know . . . LRH is now like my totes bestie!”

    Actually, as a copywriter and creative director, I’ll bet you these quotes were all written by the same person. Maybe the same tiny, poorly educated, angry, desperate person?

    Actually, I was being unkind to Ms. Black, most Scientology material makes the lyrics to her song Friday sound like 100 Years of Solitude in comparison.

    • Observer

      And Rebecca Black has the extenuating circumstance that she was 13 years old at the time.

      • Artoo45

        Verily, my observant friend, verily.

    • And: “I’m glad it went from A to B”? Is that supposed to sound complimentary?

  • hogarthian

    Is Bob trying to assign me conditions? I don’t know anything anymore. (Bob: ;-))

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      I was thinking of linking Bob up up with the Venn Diagram, and wahlah…here it is today. either that or steve hassans website so he can get a reference to a counselor whp can help him, one on one.

      • hogarthian

        It’s ok. Bob has once again explained how I am misunderstanding him, and I have once again apologised. Phew, eh?

        • Bob

          I don’t know if I would say misunderstanding. Wouldn’t you say more like incredulous?

          • hogarthian

            No. Incredulity would prompt more questioning from me, for which you would offer more ‘none answers’, with which I would become yet more frustrated, which would elicit more feigned innocence from you, all of which results in profuse apologies and ;-)’s from me. I’m going to stick with misunderstanding. There is only one reality Bob, I can only reconcile our differences in perception of it by saying that I understand that reality differently to the way in which you do.

            • Bob

              Ok. All I can say is I have posted a great deal and there is certainly enough of my foaming out the mouth to get a few real answers and information of where I am coming from. You have a point of view I can remember which is not being in the cult. But the greater part of my life I have been in.
              I respect that you are coming from a completely different place.

    • grundoon

      Brilliant idea to paste screenshots of your witty repartee so we can enjoy it twice!

      • hogarthian

        oooooooooo! ouch.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Ooooohhh.. Count me in.. As soon as I say something witty, I’ll join you.. Btw.. I’ve read all Bob’s posts and I’m with you.. Im still not quite convinced, but definitely enjoying him.. And doesn’t really matter where he’s coming from as long as we help him get where he’s going..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            ^^^That last sentence says it all SPF!

  • chiara

    Ha! I bought a “Where’s Shelly?” T shirt to wear to Clearwater next week.

    I have no direct knowledge of the entrepreneurs that sell it, but it can’t be co$.

    http://www.zazzle.com/wheres_shelly_gossip_tshirt_mens_brown-235350813871067780

    • 1subgenius

      Shoulda been “Where’s Shelly Miscavige?”
      Lots clams are clueless.

      • FistOfXenu

        You’re probably right 1sub, they probably imagine DM is some kind of big bean who never married. So this is for you:

        • Missionary Kid

          I’m going to violate Godwin’s Law, and say that is how Hitler tried to appear, so he didn’t marry Eva Braun until just before he committed suicide.

    • FistOfXenu

      How about this?

      • sugarplumfairy

        Love it..

    • aquaclara

      Ha! Have a wonderful time in Clearwater next week! The nice weather makes for some terrific sight-seeing! Take some pics!

    • Zazzle is a cool company, picked up sponsorship of the Bay to Breakers race in San Fran when it was threatened with extinction.

  • villagedianne

    Bunker gets my vote for guiding Anonymous into legal protesting. He made a video pointing out that actions which get Anons arrested only play into Scientology’s hands. This round will be another victory for Wise Beard Man.

  • Semper Phi

    Maybe the all libraries that get Roncyclopedias they don’t want can just forward them on to the Opinion Leaders of Earth.

    • Missionary Kid

      Maybe we can just speed up recycling of paper.

  • Observer

    I’m going with Mark Bunker on this one. That is all.

    LRH’s birthday: I note once again the lack of attribution of the hyperenthusiastic Scientologists’ quotes, which sound as if they were all written by the same person. Scientology sockpuppetry: not just for the internet!

    Blah blah blah “Ron series to every whatever on earth” blah blah blah. And you can’t tell me that some Scientologist somewhere hasn’t been mortified by those ridiculously pompous photos of LRH on the covers, especially the one where it looks like he’s barely restraining himself from sliding his finger over and picking his nose.

    I wonder if Gambia’s government knows how LRH really felt about native Africans: “The South African native is probably the one impossible person to train in the entire world — he is probably impossible by any human standard.” L.Ron Hubbard, Professional Auditor’s Bulletin, No. 119, 1 September 1957.

  • RMycroft

    It’s not “Ron’s birthday”, it’s Lafayette’s birthday. The Real Rons of the world remember.

  • As a long-time teacher, the Venn Diagram was especially appreciated.

  • Semper Phi

    Whoa, that Andrea Doven letter takes me back (and not in a good way) to my time on the Flag events survey & feedback details — hey, it beat selling DVDs, books and IAS donations. Immediately after every event we canvassed the crowds seeking their rapturous praise of the event. When it was an international event, we were overseen by Commodore’s Messengers, who grabbed our completed surveys immediately so they could be transcribed and sent directly to COB. The quotes Andrea uses sound *exactly* like the ones I used to get. Everyone was on their post-event high, overwhelmed by the gaudy visuals, ear-splitting sound and hyperbole of the presentations. And one thing I noticed was that it was *always* the Best Event Ever. Not one person ever said, “Yeah, well it was OK, but last year’s Birthday Event was better.” And I always wondered how they could sort them all out, since once after I had been to a full-year cycle of all of them, they all seem like the same event over and over. With different things to sell at the end, of course.

    • Captain Howdy

      So those are possibly real responses from real people ? Whenever I’ve seen comments on an official CofS whatever, I’ve always assumed they were fake.

      • stillgrace

        They do sound fake. I always assumed there was some kind of brainwashing going on.

        • sugarplumfairy

          They probably keep the doors locked until you turn in a positive review..

      • Semper Phi

        Yes, I think they are real responses from real people. I certainly got comments just like them when I was doing post-event surveys.

      • Semper Phi

        Yes, I think they are real responses from real people. I certainly got
        comments just like them when I was doing post-event surveys.

  • CraftLass

    The first thing that struck me reading through all these mailers is: Poor Africa. Everyone in the world wants their souls so badly. The history of Africa through the past few centuries reads like a demonic novel that a Puritan might have penned, only the succubuses (? What is the plural of succubus?) in Africa are very human. I read an article a while back about a woman who said something like, “Our spirits require that we give them food to have them heal us. These Christians give us their magic with only a requirement that we trust in their God over ours, and their God heals us.” The “magic” she was referring to was Western medicine. I’m not a big believer in souls, personally, but for those who are, having to change the alliance of yours to get basic necessities is kind of a mind f**k.Yes, that’s an anecdote, but it shows the feeling behind the religious fervor in Africa, and much of the rest of the world is to blame.

    This is not an indictment of Christian charity, but this anecdote was about a Christian mission. I think many religions are doing their best to take over Africa through manipulation of charity. The sad thing about CoS in particular is that they just want to add bodies to their roster, with no actual help in exchange. Funny how that whole “out-exchange” thing doesn’t apply to the “church” at all, only the members…

    On a lighter note, geez, hyperventilation is right! Reading through Doven’s letter in particular was like the reading equivalent of doing a bunch of crystal meth. The mind spins. The fervor is so over-the-top I sometimes wonder if the people writing these things are trying to convince themselves of their own excitement.

    I’ll give ol’ Davey boy one bit of credit: He sure has some balls. Do you clever folks think he really is so wrapped up in himself that he doesn’t know the damage of GAT or he just doesn’t care about the splintering happening beneath him if he can get the remaining clams to pony up one more time for the same stuff? I really can’t get a handle on this guy. Does he ever get REAL data or do those around him protect him from all bad news if possible due to their fear of his wrath? It certainly seems, from reading stories of exes, that there’s a lot of attempts to hide things from him, but at some point it also seems like he must have an inkling of how crazy it’s getting and how annoyed a lot of his public is.

    • Missionary Kid

      Succubi

    • Missionary Kid

      Maybe being in Co$ is the spiritual equivalent of doing crystal meth: brain drain.

      • CraftLass

        That seems like a distinctly good metaphor! And thanks for succubi, that’s what I get for writing a comment before my brain was properly caffeinated. 😉

        • Missionary Kid

          Overall, it was such a good post, (I’m going to try to coin a new acronym here) NNTA: No Need To Apologize.

    • Missionary Kid

      As a missionary kid, I can say that there is cultural imperialism going on, regardless of what the motives may be. Sometimes it really is helpful, but it always changes the culture.

      What happens when you start handing out food is, what they called it in Asia, “rice Christians” who are Christians as long as you’re handing out rice. There’s little or no danger of that happening in the poorer parts of Africa, because Co$ always sucks money out of the local org. Pamphlets don’t help people feed themselves, and touch assists don’t heal real diseases.

      Co$ is a model for despotic tyrants to use.

      They may route some bodies of the wealthier ones, but probably the victims will see it as a means to getting to the U.S., and Co$ as a way to put people in empty orgs.

      • CraftLass

        Exactly, MK. I was trying to come up with a broader term, and you nailed it there. And there are plenty of groups doing real work to help, I don’t mean to denigrate all. I just have issues with exploitation of any kind and there are always some people really exploiting the heck out of Africa (in too many ways to count).

        You also hit on the scariest thing about CoS, their goods aren’t going to help the people who need help, only those who want totalitarian rule over their country/province/tribe. And, yes, the promise of passage to America is a great hook to add to their slave count.

        The worst thing about their advancement through Africa (and places like Taiwan as well) is that it makes me feel the most hopeless. I can write to American politicians and at least feel like I did something, exerted my rights. I can’t change anything that happens over there.

        BTW, MK, I really enjoy hearing the bits about your upbringing you have shared. You have fascinating insights. 🙂

        • Missionary Kid

          Thank you for your kind words.

          I have no problem with people being critical of missionaries, because the missionaries motives and results are often mixed.

          My personal insights about my upbringing come partly from pain.

          I learned this term from another MK over 50 years ago whose family were missionaries in Africa: Missionary Neurosis. He described it as a missionary taking care of others before taking care of their families.

          My father had it, and it’s probably the thing that started me on the path out of the way I was raised. It took me until I was at least 50 to be able to say out loud that my dad was an SOB. I never will express that to the many people who considered him a very fine person. I’m not going to disabuse them, because I realize that we all are complex people.

          He got more satisfaction from helping others than helping his family.

          Probably I have a lot of sympathy for ex-scios because of the strict religious dogma I was raised with. Like most fundamentalist movements, it tries to, in a subtle way, be all encompassing. I escaped from it, but it was not something I had to physically fight.

          Everyone needs to realize that Taiwan is not a third world country. It has been far wealthier in a per capita basis than Communist China for a long time. We still are far wealthier and freer than their citizens, and we’re exotic when they look at us.

          I don’t know what can be done about the Taiwanese that have been recruited & Shanghaied (interesting term) into the U.S. Possibly contacting the consulates might be helpful, as well as ICE here in the U.S.

          • villagedianne

            Your story illustrates a Christian version of “the greatest good for the greatest dynamics”, which I consider a philosophy that is mostly used for bad or even evil purposes. The scary thing is that such a philosophy can be used to justify almost anything.

            • Missionary Kid

              Sad, isn’t it. The problem is that the Co$ motivation is simply money.

          • Captain Howdy

            Nicely put MK.

            • Missionary Kid

              Thanks. 🙂

          • CraftLass

            Frankly, there is nothing in this world that isn’t a mixed bag. That’s why solving problems is never simple, right?

            I don’t think there’s a problem with getting more satisfaction from helping others, until it hits the point that family is truly neglected. There’s a dangerous line that it seems is crossed a little too often by people who started out just trying to do what they feel is good work, but get sucked into the more obsessive and blind variation.

            LOL on Shanghaied being an “interesting term”. Indeed! I hear you, Taiwan is not 3rd-world, but I bring it up due to the recent stories here. I’m kind of stunned the CoS hasn’t been brought up on immigration issues yet, even if nailing them for trafficking and labor violations regarding U.S. citizens hasn’t worked so far, it would seem like it should be a whole different ballgame. Is it just a matter of the fact that these people have little to no ability to get out, let alone sue? Can’t anonymous complaints about immigration violations be pursued? It sure works when, say, a wealthy politician gets nabbed for his household staff… Even more stunning is the way they manage to bring people in to Australia, which has some pretty tough immigration laws, from my understanding.

            • Missionary Kid

              If Co$ has followed their pattern, they’ll hold the passports of the people they’ve snugged. How this can be communicated to the Tiawanese authorities is something that someone on this list can possibly help with.

              I don’t know who to contact at Immigration, either. Co$ is probably going to play the religious card. Again, Advice?

          • hogarthian

            What a great post. I had a friend while I was at boarding school (she was a boarder too) whose mother never had less than 6 foster children in her home, along with a mottley collection of stray animals. My friends arms were covered in self harm scars, the first time I’d ever seen them. Your term ‘missionary neurosis’ made me think of her. 🙂

            • Missionary Kid

              Thank you. I was lucky. I never got sent away, because I was too small. My sibs, who were substantially older, were. I don’t think the effects on them were as extreme as your friend’s, but the effects were still there.

    • John P.

      Does he ever get REAL data or do those around him protect him from all bad news if possible due to their fear of his wrath?

      One thing we in Global Capitalism HQ know how to do is to crunch data and to sanity check it to make sure it’s not garbage. We are constantly vigilant to make sure the statistics we use in investment decisions mean what we think they do. And we really enjoy it when our competitors make mistakes in that regard and shoot themselves in the foot.

      From what I have been able to figure out, Hubbard set up a series of weekly stats that are supposed to go up every week in all dimensions or you get “ethics” handling (yelled at, pay docked, thrown in the RPF, etc). It’s hard enough to run a publicly traded company where you measure “stats” every quarter and all you are trying to do is to get them to go up versus the same quarter a year ago. But the idea that the only acceptable result is expansion week-to-week every single week regardless of weather, holidays, etc. is just insane. It gives people lots of “perverse incentives” to game the system, whether that results in ripping off public, stealing customers from other divisions, or all sorts of other stuff. The numbers that Miscavige gets are highly suspect but not because they’re cooked by one of his direct underlings; they’ve been gamed at every level all the way along.

      Then you add to the horribly broken system of statistics and management (which can’t be changed because Mankind’s Greatest Friend decreed it to be the perfect way to go) Miscavige’s own psychopathology. He has a tremendous need to convince himself he’s the smartest guy around, and so he probably doesn’t listen to the stats anyway; he just goes off and does whatever he wants to.

      it also seems like he must have an inkling of how crazy it’s getting and how annoyed a lot of his public is.

      You’re right. He’s aware in some sense that the cult is circling the drain. But I think his narcissistic personality prevents him from having any degree of introspection to look at his role in things. He blames others, whether it’s middle management or the conspiracy of “psychs.”

      Two very interesting recent data points suggest that he may be waking up: first, “Bob”s comment above that they turned down the volume at the event last night for the first time (Miscavige always wants it loud enough that your ears are on the verge of bleeding). Second, the e-mail featured on OTVIIIisGrrr8’s site (http://otviiiisgrrr8.com/2013/03/22/special-report-from-scientology-dc-the-psychs-are-now-on-death-ground/ ) from the DC org about all the “black PR attacks” on the cult is a new thing — they’re not allowed to acknowledge bad news because it’s “forwarding enemy lines.” But here they are doing just that and attempting to explain it. It sounds as if they are getting hit pretty hard by members wondering why things seem to be falling apart, and denying that there are problems is only making it worse. This is a cult that seems to be designed to lie even when the truth would serve them better. So admitting there are problems even in a single instance of an e-mail like this could be a significant change.

      That said, I believe we are past the event horizon. Any positive changes are too little, too late, and the cult will continue to circle the drain. Note that I am not predicting the demise of Scientology in the short term; I am simply saying that they are past the tipping point and can no longer be saved. The denouement will likely take longer than we expect, but the laws of physics now govern and nothing they can do will enable them to avoid their fate.

      • 0tessa

        Yeah, implosion expected any moment now …

        • Missionary Kid

          Whenever True Believers are involved, it takes far longer for a collapse to take place than what would happen with any normal institution. They will splinter and keep those splinters alive.

          After all, there’s still Branch Davidians who think David Koresh was right.

      • L. Wrong Hubturd

        Nothing escapes a black hole and COS has created a real doozy at the center of their galLAXy.

      • mouseyhair

        This is one of the most well written assessments of the current state of affairs for the co$ I have read. Thank you John for your ongoing evaluations of these insane times. By the way, I love the phrase “circling the drain!” it so provides a vivid image!!

  • SP ‘Onage

    Over-zealous, much? Andrea Doven and the fraud squad, sound like a bunch of frenzied deranged devotees.

    I wonder how many blow-up dolls (latex lovelies) were used to fill the empty seats at LRH’s Birthday event?

    • FistOfXenu

      And did DM have those dolls delivered to his bedroom after it was over?

      • Missionary Kid

        How could you say that. They’re too big and substantial for him.

        • FistOfXenu

          Silly me! Maybe he thinks he can climb back in the womb? You know, audit his birth traumas?

          • Missionary Kid

            If he tried, all he’d find is hot air, which is all that LRH produced to carry out his evil idea$.

            • FistOfXenu

              So he’d feel right at home.

      • SP ‘Onage

        Just the one wearing a ‘Goatse’ sweater.

      • Captain Howdy

        According to Karen de la Carriere, Demento McSavage had dolls made up of his worst “enemies,” and he does a ventriloquist routine with them, and other unspeakable things.

        • FistOfXenu

          I bet unspeakable describes a lot of the stuff he does

        • stillgrace

          Ew!

        • SP ‘Onage

          Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

          Guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

          Customer says, “Doesn’t matter.”

          Counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

          Customer says, “White.”

          Counter guy asks, “Christian or Scientologist?

          Customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

          Counter guy says, “The Scientology blow-up doll is the only one that will screw YOU!”

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          I feel soooo sorry for the TO doll.

      • Roger Larsson

        Inflatable Andrea has qualities.

        She doesn’t eat or shit
        She doesn’t drink or P
        She makes DM happy
        She sleeps sweetly in his closet.

        But she’s not much to talk to.

        Much air, little substance

        • FistOfXenu

          Oh right, pretty much like the “real” one.

        • Trustmeonthis

          Actually, she’s great to talk *to* – just don’t expect much witty repartee. Unless you really have gone around the bend (or done enough pinks and greys).

    • Captain Howdy

      Like just for ‘Fraud Squad” alone.

  • BosonStark

    Doven got the feedback of clams, but here’s what they were thinking:

    Where’s Shelley?
    Is COB getting shorter?
    Talk about cult fail! I went to one of the Orgs. It was empty.
    I’m here just so my relatives won’t disconnect from me.
    My business is neck deep in clams. I have to be here.
    Golden Age of Tech What?
    LRH biographer? Wouldn’t the time for that be when he was alive? Why no bio then?

  • richelieu jr

    “It was fantastic! Just hing about all the Ideal Orgs springing up raised every hair on the back of my neck 100 points up the tone scale! Then when I saw that even little Orgs can succeed and we don’t even have to give them any time to do so; every body hair on my body stood up an saluted! Even my eyebrows which explains why I have been walking around looking surprised ever since…

    What part was my favourite part? Well I just LOVED every single bit of it. In fact, I’d have to say that my favourite part was all the favourite parts and how they strung the all together into an even big favourite part!
    If you laid every single AMAZING thing I heard tonight end to end they would stretch all the way to the moon (though only half the way back!) And that’s why we have to work even harder for LRH’s tech to get out there and KEEP WORKING!

    Still if I had to pick just one FABULOUS thing fro this LITERALLY INCREDIBLE event, I would ahve to say the WINNERS! I mean, everybody loves a WINNER, right? And there weree so many of them! I mean, thanks to ROn we’re all winners here in the crock of $cientology, but sme winners are just winnier, you know what I mean; I wish Ron were here so ner could make up a word for all of us to say that would mean just that. I am sure when her gets back from tightening the Van Allen belt (ties are hard EVERYWHERE?a ren’t they?à) That’s he’ll do just that!
    I also loved to hear about all the great stuff that is COMING! Ideal Orgs are springing up like mushrooms! BIg, long, hard, empty Mushrooms thrusting out into the world showing that out Dear Leader Davey has a motorcycle just like Tom Cruise’s (and I hear Tom copied from HIM!)

    And did you see the photos of all those SHINY, NEW IDEAL ORGs? Just AMAZINGç! It’s like a herd of scrubbing bubbles from Venus came and washed them all sparkling CLEAN of any people… It’s like a WONDERFUL meal or a pristine field of snow, a LOVELY intact 12 year-old girl who’s parents are in the Sea Org and would never know, or the bank account of a naive person just sitting there so UNTOUCHED AND PERFECT, you know what I mean?
    It would be almost a shame to use them! Ha! But we’ve got a world to save, don’t we? Still we have the pictures,a and who’s to prove they ever changed? If I want to believe the Ideal Org next to the rusty Ford across from the crick where Cletus found that water-rat he took home and tried to feed but it died anyway in Turtle Merkin Hillock, Mississippi signed 35,132 people up for auditing in the first week and are handing out wins like hush money after a Bishops conference at an Elementary School, and then looked as spotless and clean a the say it was nearly opened for the fifth time, well then that’s the beauty of Scientology, isn’t it?

    • John P.

      It’s like a […] a LOVELY intact 12 year-old girl who’s parents are in the Sea Org and would never know, […] just sitting there so UNTOUCHED AND PERFECT, you know what I mean?

      I nominate this for the Roman Polanski Memorial Trophy. Even skeevier than some Steely Dan love songs (“Cousin Dupree,” I’m thinking of you!).

      Incidentally, the original and your rewrite are starting to remind me of Sarah Palin’s trademark word salad.

      • richelieu jr

        Yeah, I think I’m gettin’ a little soft in the noggin’, John…

      • 1subgenius

        Cousin Dupree for the win. Happened to listen to this about 20 times in the last week.
        What a shame about me.

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      richelieu jr • While we in RTC thank you for sharing your super fantastic wins our larger concern is why you are posting on this hater blog!

      What are you not telling us?

  • SopranoAscends

    Such an irritating breadth of hyperbole; I can’t even focus on the content. Perhaps because there isn’t really any?. Were this written by hand, I can imagine all the “I’s” dotted in hearts, with little flowers and smiley faces. I cannot believe this “review” was written by a grown woman. Hear that faint rumbling? Strunk & White shaking their heads.

    • Missionary Kid

      The rumbling is a direct result of someone moving the toilet handle firmly, to send it where it belongs.

  • Haw many of the flock recognizes that when DM says “NOW we are offering 100 percent Standard Tech!” that is a tacit admission that the Tech they’ve offered for decades (including when LRH was personally involved) was OUT-TECH? The only other alternative is the the latest & greatest Golden Tech is squirriled tech.

    This is an illustration of my complete description of Scientology in 100 words:

    WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY IN EXACTLY 100 WORDS:

    In 1950 L. Ron Hubbard developed a theory of the human mind
    which proposed the reasons people behaved self-destructively or less than
    optimally. He developed a form of
    therapy that was supposed to remove harmful mental constructs (called the
    “Reactive Mind”) and produce a person who behaved rationally and at 100 percent
    of his or her potential all the time. He
    called this “the State of Clear.” But it didn’t work. Everything developed by LRH and his successor
    since is either 1) a new theory on why the old techniques didn’t work, and 2)
    new attempts to make it work.

  • Scientology in Gambia? The country that has most successly implements LRH & DM’s vision of the Ideal Scene on a national scale would be North Korea. DM should pay Kim Jong Un a call.

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    I think the most interesting thing about Doven’s stream of consciousness is this is clearly the way Miscavige likes his followers, over the top vapidness with a heavy emphasis on the “wonderfulness of COB.” Doven’s rant is a slightly modified version of Cruise’s video and couch-jumping Oprah scene. Somehow I can’t imagine anyone who has gotten on the wrong side of Miscavige gushing like this. So, Sea Org or Public, if you want to stay in Miscavige’s good graces, be more “Lucy” than “Ethel,” more “Ricky” than “Fred.”

    • Captain Howdy

      Rolf !… I’m just watching “The Lucy Show”.

  • 1subgenius

    Nashville CC.
    Clear # 6.
    Face.

  • Missionary Kid

    Miscavage Law: If there’s a way of fucking things up, he will.

    Scnethics Corollary: The amount of lies told by $ciontology are inversely proportionate to the size of the group spoken to.

    With the shrinking flock of cams, the Scnethics Corollary is taking place.

    Definition of the phrase, “To do an Andrea Doven”: To fail so badly at trying to make something sound good, but to accomplish the opposite.

  • thetaesque

    With the Co$ love for words ending in “ness,” I wish they would use a word which actually applies to Andrea Doven’s gag-inducing feedback comments: truthiness.

    I’m also wondering why no one appeared to want to attach their name to these comments. It’s not as if anyone wrote what at least some people were thinking:

    “Huh. I didn’t think the dwarfenfuhrer could look any meaner or smaller. But he did! What’s the deal with that puffiness around his eyes, anyway? My money, what there’s left of it, is on steroids.”

    “I was regged to within an inch of my life for this? I’m having a cognition about wanting my money back. I gotta find the phone number for that attorney for what’s-their-names — the Garcias. Good thing I didn’t give the OSA that other computer for them to check.”

    “I wonder how many Sea Org staff got sent to the RPF for messing up the lights or sound, or for failing to reconcile Davey‘s conflicting instructions.”

    Some time ago, Jeff Hawkins posted comments about how often you don’t see actual names attributed to glowing comments about the Co$, but you do see people using their real names, talking about their real experiences, when they speak out about the Co$ abuses: Marc and Claire Headley. Amy Scobee. Mat Pesch. Nancy Many. Maureen Bolstad. Laura deCrescenzo. Luke Catton. Eric Tenorio. Kate Bornstein. Tory Christman. Jason Beghe. Michael Fairman. Lawrence Wright. Paul Haggis. John Sweeney. Karen de la Carriere. Mark Bunker. Steve Cannane. David Love. Jenna Miscavige Hill. Vance Woodward. John Atack. Paulette Cooper. Anderson Cooper. Tony Ortega. And of course, Jeff himself.

    So, if these people risk being followed by OSA goons, or having their garbage riffled through and their pets killed, and worse, why can’t some of the sheeple who think this was the Best. Event. Ever. use their real names? Oh, wait…it’s because the comments are fake. Just like the church.

  • Poison Ivy

    Happy B-Day to your Dad, Tony – cherish him, you only get one Dad!

    • Captain Howdy

      I second that emotion.

    • SP ‘Onage

      Yes, Happy B-day to Tony’s dad. I just hope he hasn’t been harassed by OSA, like Mosey’s father was.

  • “I absolutely loved the LRH Biographer and everything that he said.”

    Gerry Armstrong was there? Really?

  • “Scientology the Venn Diagram Nucleus of Irrational Nonsense”

    Worthy of a T Shirt!

    With Miscavige’s Ideal Orgs, that is forcing Scientology management to make up a new word for these Ideal Orgs.

    We used to call these small orgs “small and failing orgs”.

    Now they are “Small and failing Ideal Orgs”.

    In fact, the small orgs are all just feeder orgs, to weed out the got bucks clients (suckers) for shifting them up the ladder to Flag for the bigger time fleecing.

    “Small and failing Ideal feeder Orgs” is what they factually are, sadly, but that’s about as much as Scientology can squeeze out of the world at this point in history.

    A lot more people have just got to get jazzed about Hubbard’s science fiction Hinduism exorcism cult for dealing with our massive accumulation of past lives trauma and our tens of thousands of “body thetans” that infest our bodies and leak their mental garbage into our minds, for which we NEED the Hubbard Bridge to Total Freedom!

  • Ze Moo

    “The fact that the smaller orgs can also make it means everything. All
    orgs will be able to make it and this does not need to take long”

    The smaller orgs were looted for their paying customers long ago. That part of pyramid scheme collapsed long ago. Miscavige = slow death for CO$.

    Buffalo NY just last year got out from under a fiscal review board that controlled Buffalos spending and taxes for the last 5-10 years. They had not kept control over spending and were insolvent and until the control board was setup, unable to get credit. While things are looking better for the city, the long term rust belt outlook is mediocre at best. That is a pity, Buffalo is a unique town (just like every other city), chicken wings (in Buffalo, all wings are Buffalo wings) , Kimmelwick and orange chocolate are just a few of the local culinary traditions. Look up Dyngus Day and have a laugh. http://www.dyngusdaybuffalo.com/

  • SandiCorrena

    what is Kate’s gofund page?

  • ParticleMom

    Are Scientologists required to write a success story of their wins after an event? Perhaps all the !!!! is to make up for the lack of actual content?

  • MissCandle

    Off topic: Today’s New York Times Book Review section quotes Caroline Kennedy as saying that “Gender Outlaw” by Kate Bornstein was the best book that she ever received as a gift. “I got it for my birthday last year
    from my daughter after a family discussion on the merits of transgender
    surgery. It’s a fascinating and illuminating memoir by a transgender
    playwright.” Cudos Kate! Glad your friends are raising so much love and money for your health needs!

  • OTVIIIisGrrr8!
  • The Ideal Orgs here are LA, CA are as far from “Ideal” as could be!

    The 4 I have driven by, over and over, are E M P T Y. Congratulations, Bunker!
    The great part is We ALL WIN—no matter what. 🙂
    Great articles, thank you. Tory/Magoo

  • Jgg2012

    Just so you know, the “SCIENTOLOGY” sign on Big Blue has been enlarged–the letters are now 16 feet high. Interestingly, it has the effect of making the building look smaller. This is just another example of their attempt to look big, rapidly growing, etc. and it cheaper than those idle orgs they keep building.